Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,007 --> 00:00:03,875
In the fall of 2012,
2
00:00:03,965 --> 00:00:05,748
Nick and Robinwere going strong.
3
00:00:06,243 --> 00:00:08,276
Sometimes it's hard to saywhat it is exactly
4
00:00:08,295 --> 00:00:09,544
that makes a couple click.
5
00:00:10,914 --> 00:00:11,930
Wow.
6
00:00:13,049 --> 00:00:15,183
Bravissimo!
7
00:00:15,185 --> 00:00:18,219
Whatever it was, kids,Nick and Robin
8
00:00:18,221 --> 00:00:20,054
really connected at first.
9
00:00:20,056 --> 00:00:22,223
Hey, you know,
I think I'm really starting
10
00:00:22,225 --> 00:00:23,441
to feel something here...
11
00:00:25,094 --> 00:00:28,396
But then, as often happens,they started to drift apart.
12
00:00:28,398 --> 00:00:29,864
Why?
13
00:00:29,866 --> 00:00:31,199
Who can say?
14
00:00:31,201 --> 00:00:33,735
Nick and I haven't
had sex in three days.
15
00:00:33,737 --> 00:00:35,236
And it's your fault.
16
00:00:35,238 --> 00:00:36,204
Nick won't have sex
17
00:00:36,206 --> 00:00:37,772
because he pulled
his groin muscle,
18
00:00:37,774 --> 00:00:39,791
all 'cause you made him join
your stupid basketball team.
19
00:00:39,793 --> 00:00:42,243
Did you say
"stupid basketball team"?
20
00:00:42,245 --> 00:00:43,110
Yeah.
21
00:00:43,112 --> 00:00:44,162
Oh, my gosh, guys,
22
00:00:44,164 --> 00:00:46,214
we have to rush Robin
to the hospital.
23
00:00:46,216 --> 00:00:48,716
Because somehow, she swallowed
her vocal cords
24
00:00:48,718 --> 00:00:50,635
and they got lodged
in her rectum,
25
00:00:50,637 --> 00:00:52,303
because she's
talking out of her ass.
26
00:00:52,305 --> 00:00:54,922
Over the summer,Marshall had joined
27
00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:56,891
a midtown professionalsbasketball league.
28
00:00:56,893 --> 00:01:00,428
His team of lawyers was calledThe Force Majeurs.
29
00:01:00,430 --> 00:01:02,797
Ever since they lostto a group of accountants,
30
00:01:02,799 --> 00:01:04,766
he'd started gettinga little intense about it.
31
00:01:04,768 --> 00:01:07,468
You sure you didn't have
a ringer or two out there, Joel?
32
00:01:07,470 --> 00:01:08,936
Don't know
what you're talking about.
33
00:01:08,938 --> 00:01:11,272
Good hustle out there,
Aboubakar!
34
00:01:14,410 --> 00:01:17,161
If Joel can use ringers,
then so can we.
35
00:01:17,163 --> 00:01:18,613
And Nick is our best player.
36
00:01:18,615 --> 00:01:19,980
So as far as I'm concerned,
37
00:01:19,982 --> 00:01:21,866
you can both
keep your groins on ice.
38
00:01:21,868 --> 00:01:22,817
Groins on Ice.
39
00:01:22,819 --> 00:01:24,252
Least popular
40
00:01:24,254 --> 00:01:26,621
Madison Square Garden
holiday show ever.
41
00:01:26,623 --> 00:01:28,289
Why are you so into
this basketball league?
42
00:01:28,291 --> 00:01:30,825
Robin, it's the Little Ivies
Professionals Over 30
43
00:01:30,827 --> 00:01:32,543
Who Work In Midtown League.
44
00:01:32,545 --> 00:01:33,878
It's The Show!
45
00:01:34,997 --> 00:01:36,681
You know, it's kind of funny,
46
00:01:36,683 --> 00:01:39,667
imagining people
icing their groins.
47
00:01:39,669 --> 00:01:41,552
I mean, first they'd be
all cold,
48
00:01:41,554 --> 00:01:44,222
and then the ice
would start to melt,
49
00:01:44,224 --> 00:01:48,960
and things would get
all wet and... steamy.
50
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,364
Okay, Lily.
51
00:01:53,366 --> 00:01:54,982
Look, buddy,
52
00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:56,367
I'm also the captain of a team
53
00:01:56,369 --> 00:01:58,018
in the Little Ivies
Professionals Over 30
54
00:01:58,020 --> 00:01:59,537
Who Work In Midtown League.
55
00:01:59,539 --> 00:02:01,406
I'm addicted
to the adrenaline, too.
56
00:02:01,408 --> 00:02:02,373
Still, don't you
think you're getting
57
00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:03,741
a little obsessive about...
58
00:02:03,743 --> 00:02:05,192
Uh, hold up, hold up.
59
00:02:05,194 --> 00:02:07,328
Are you suggesting
that you are
60
00:02:07,330 --> 00:02:11,666
a member of a sports team
and you're the captain?
61
00:02:11,668 --> 00:02:12,967
So says the "C"
62
00:02:12,969 --> 00:02:15,553
I personally sewed
onto my jersey.
63
00:02:15,555 --> 00:02:17,538
After Victoria
and I broke up,
64
00:02:17,540 --> 00:02:19,474
I had some free time.
65
00:02:19,476 --> 00:02:21,342
So, called up
a few architect friends
66
00:02:21,344 --> 00:02:22,510
and put together
a little team
67
00:02:22,512 --> 00:02:25,897
called the T-Squares.
68
00:02:27,883 --> 00:02:29,400
See that?
69
00:02:29,402 --> 00:02:30,818
The floor's uneven.
70
00:02:30,820 --> 00:02:33,654
And that window placement
is rubbish.
71
00:02:33,656 --> 00:02:35,823
You know, if a genie
gave me one wish,
72
00:02:35,825 --> 00:02:38,559
I would knock down that wall
and create a nice flow.
73
00:02:38,561 --> 00:02:40,361
Great wish.
74
00:02:40,363 --> 00:02:43,081
I mean, there's too
much hardwood, right?
75
00:02:43,083 --> 00:02:46,117
Did you nerds actually
play any basketball?
76
00:02:46,119 --> 00:02:50,872
Um, us nerds focused on
something far more important:
77
00:02:50,874 --> 00:02:52,173
bonding.
78
00:02:52,175 --> 00:02:53,791
You guys are
going to get pounded.
79
00:02:54,293 --> 00:02:55,710
And I am not.
80
00:02:55,712 --> 00:02:58,262
Oh, come on. You can't go
a couple weeks without sex?
81
00:02:58,264 --> 00:03:01,432
Our point guard's a 52-year-old
virgin, happy as a clam.
82
00:03:01,434 --> 00:03:03,384
I'm sure he's quite
a ball handler.
83
00:03:03,386 --> 00:03:05,887
The problem is,
now that we're not having sex,
84
00:03:05,889 --> 00:03:07,105
we're talking more,
85
00:03:07,107 --> 00:03:11,759
and I'm realizing
that Nick is kind of...
86
00:03:11,761 --> 00:03:13,093
dumb.
87
00:03:13,095 --> 00:03:14,729
Really?
News to me.
88
00:03:14,731 --> 00:03:15,780
I hadn't noticed that.
No.
89
00:03:15,782 --> 00:03:16,864
Oh, my God.
90
00:03:16,866 --> 00:03:18,699
You guys think
that he's dumb, too?
91
00:03:18,701 --> 00:03:19,650
So dumb.
92
00:03:19,652 --> 00:03:20,651
Air bags are sharper.
93
00:03:20,653 --> 00:03:22,937
Hot as lava
but just as thick.
94
00:03:22,939 --> 00:03:26,939
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x06 ♪
Splitsville
Original Air Date on November 12, 2012
95
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:30,940
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
96
00:03:36,051 --> 00:03:40,338
Wow. When did you guys start to
notice that he was kind of dumb?
97
00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:44,458
Well, there was that time
Nick was doing the crossword.
98
00:03:44,460 --> 00:03:46,978
Hey, what's a four-
letter word for cut?
99
00:03:46,980 --> 00:03:48,095
"Nick."
100
00:03:48,097 --> 00:03:49,764
Yeah?
101
00:03:49,766 --> 00:03:51,182
Is a four-letter
word for cut.
102
00:03:51,184 --> 00:03:52,066
What is?
103
00:03:52,068 --> 00:03:53,768
"Nick."
What?
104
00:03:53,770 --> 00:03:56,070
Oh. I got it.
105
00:03:56,072 --> 00:03:58,906
"Shave."
106
00:03:58,908 --> 00:04:02,410
And there was the comment
about Gypsies.
107
00:04:02,412 --> 00:04:03,444
No, no.
108
00:04:03,446 --> 00:04:04,979
I think Gypsies prefer
109
00:04:04,981 --> 00:04:06,647
to be called Romani now.
110
00:04:07,650 --> 00:04:09,367
Do they? Really?
111
00:04:09,369 --> 00:04:12,370
And what do unicorns
and, uh, elves
112
00:04:12,372 --> 00:04:13,955
and leprechauns
prefer to be called?
113
00:04:16,074 --> 00:04:18,209
You do know, uh,
Gypsies are
114
00:04:18,211 --> 00:04:20,845
a real ethnic group
that actually exists?
115
00:04:22,247 --> 00:04:24,382
Oh, you guys, I
feel terrible now.
116
00:04:24,384 --> 00:04:26,217
I always thought they
were just made up,
117
00:04:26,219 --> 00:04:28,636
like goblins or
trolls or dolphins.
118
00:04:30,189 --> 00:04:32,807
And then there's that story
you told about how you and Nick
119
00:04:32,809 --> 00:04:34,609
picked up
that Danish exchange student
120
00:04:34,611 --> 00:04:36,644
and you all
took a shower together.
121
00:04:36,646 --> 00:04:39,313
I never told a story like that.
122
00:04:39,315 --> 00:04:40,865
Well, no time like the present.
123
00:04:40,867 --> 00:04:41,849
Let's give this
124
00:04:41,851 --> 00:04:43,034
Danish ho a name.
125
00:04:43,036 --> 00:04:44,485
I'm thinking Nadia.
126
00:04:44,487 --> 00:04:48,155
Yeah, she sounds slutty
and bi-curious.
127
00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:50,041
What is wrong with you?
128
00:04:50,576 --> 00:04:51,492
Your kid is right there.
129
00:04:51,494 --> 00:04:52,977
Maybe want to
clean it up a lit...
130
00:04:54,664 --> 00:04:56,464
You're wearing a baby
and you're doing pull-ups?
131
00:04:56,466 --> 00:04:59,550
No, Ted, I'm sitting around
getting soft,
132
00:04:59,552 --> 00:05:01,669
'cause that's what champions do.
133
00:05:01,671 --> 00:05:05,723
The problem is, now that
I know how dumb Nick is,
134
00:05:05,725 --> 00:05:08,042
it's kind of making me
reconsider the relationship.
135
00:05:08,044 --> 00:05:09,143
Why?
136
00:05:09,145 --> 00:05:11,395
Eventually,
Nick's groin will heal
137
00:05:11,397 --> 00:05:12,880
and you'll be back in Sexville,
138
00:05:12,882 --> 00:05:16,050
where all the crossword puzzles
only have one box to fill.
139
00:05:16,052 --> 00:05:17,885
Talk about
a double standard.
140
00:05:17,887 --> 00:05:21,572
Every time I go after a busty
dullard who can't tell time
141
00:05:21,574 --> 00:05:24,992
or thinks I'm the ghost of
Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm shallow.
142
00:05:24,994 --> 00:05:27,328
But somehow it's okay
for Robin to date a guy
143
00:05:27,330 --> 00:05:29,396
who can't be trusted
around outlets.
144
00:05:29,398 --> 00:05:30,698
Dump him!
145
00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:33,000
Okay, that is ridiculous.
146
00:05:33,002 --> 00:05:35,736
Is Nick a genius? No.
147
00:05:35,738 --> 00:05:36,704
But does he have
148
00:05:36,706 --> 00:05:38,739
average intelligence?
149
00:05:38,741 --> 00:05:39,790
No.
150
00:05:39,792 --> 00:05:41,075
But he is
151
00:05:41,077 --> 00:05:42,843
a human being, with a heart!
152
00:05:42,845 --> 00:05:46,297
And you're afraid if I dump
him, it'll throw off his game.
153
00:05:46,299 --> 00:05:48,466
Robin, he got 36 points
and 17 rebounds last week.
154
00:05:48,468 --> 00:05:50,768
And that was with his shoes
on the wrong feet.
155
00:05:52,188 --> 00:05:56,023
Well, you're probably
all wondering
156
00:05:56,025 --> 00:05:58,109
how the T-Squares' practice
went today.
157
00:05:58,111 --> 00:05:59,443
The T-What?
158
00:05:59,445 --> 00:06:01,595
We played up here.
159
00:06:01,597 --> 00:06:04,282
Basketball,
people don't realize,
160
00:06:04,284 --> 00:06:06,600
is all geometry,
physics and engineering.
161
00:06:06,602 --> 00:06:08,786
If you think
like an architect,
162
00:06:08,788 --> 00:06:12,323
you could win a thousand games
without ever touching a ball.
163
00:06:12,325 --> 00:06:15,126
What happened
to your ball?
164
00:06:15,128 --> 00:06:16,794
Some kids from the Hebrew school
next door took it
165
00:06:16,796 --> 00:06:17,712
and wouldn't give it back.
166
00:06:17,714 --> 00:06:18,445
Oh.
167
00:06:18,447 --> 00:06:19,413
Oy.
168
00:06:19,415 --> 00:06:20,631
Hey.
169
00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:22,116
Hey.
Hey. Oh, thanks.
170
00:06:22,118 --> 00:06:24,051
How'd the breakup
with Nick go?
171
00:06:24,053 --> 00:06:25,670
Well...
172
00:06:25,672 --> 00:06:27,588
So, I went to this
fortune teller today
173
00:06:27,590 --> 00:06:29,807
and she said there was
a curse on me.
174
00:06:29,809 --> 00:06:32,727
Did she sell you something
to ward off the curse?
175
00:06:32,729 --> 00:06:35,429
It's like you're
a fortune teller, too.
176
00:06:37,133 --> 00:06:39,317
Nick, um...
177
00:06:39,319 --> 00:06:40,768
I think we need to talk.
178
00:06:40,770 --> 00:06:41,802
Yeah.
179
00:06:41,804 --> 00:06:43,971
Uh... it's just...
180
00:06:43,973 --> 00:06:46,807
Whoa, these are hard.
181
00:06:46,809 --> 00:06:48,776
Anyway, this $500 bracelet
will ward off evil
182
00:06:48,778 --> 00:06:50,411
till the end
of the week, so...
183
00:06:50,413 --> 00:06:51,979
Do you think that
you could do,
184
00:06:51,981 --> 00:06:54,148
uh, sit-ups or something
while you talk?
185
00:06:54,150 --> 00:06:55,416
Yeah.
186
00:06:56,452 --> 00:06:58,419
Anyway, this fortune teller,
187
00:06:58,421 --> 00:07:01,372
she was able to tell me all
sorts of stuff about my future,
188
00:07:01,374 --> 00:07:07,128
just from my credit cards
and my social security number,
189
00:07:07,130 --> 00:07:08,479
I knew you'd cave.
190
00:07:08,481 --> 00:07:09,797
Which is why I came up with
191
00:07:09,799 --> 00:07:11,432
a little extra
incentive
192
00:07:11,434 --> 00:07:12,717
to break up with Nick.
193
00:07:12,719 --> 00:07:15,936
End it by 8:00 p.m. tonight
or this invite goes live.
194
00:07:17,890 --> 00:07:19,774
"Robin and Patrice's
195
00:07:19,776 --> 00:07:21,942
BFF Fun Day?!"
196
00:07:21,944 --> 00:07:24,528
Kids, Patrice wasa coworker of Robin's
197
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:27,448
who'd become sort ofobsessed with her.
198
00:07:27,450 --> 00:07:29,367
Robin had managed, until now,
199
00:07:29,369 --> 00:07:33,187
to keep Patriceat arms length.
200
00:07:33,189 --> 00:07:35,456
But if Patrice were invitedto something called
201
00:07:35,458 --> 00:07:38,192
Robin and Patrice'sBFF Fun Day,
202
00:07:38,194 --> 00:07:40,478
she'd latch onto Robinand never let go.
203
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,380
Why would
you do that?
204
00:07:42,382 --> 00:07:43,631
Delete that right now!
205
00:07:43,633 --> 00:07:45,716
No! If I don't give you
a little push,
206
00:07:45,718 --> 00:07:48,368
you'll let this drag on
until Nick can have sex again,
207
00:07:48,370 --> 00:07:51,672
and then you'll be right back
to procrastinating on all fours.
208
00:07:51,674 --> 00:07:54,425
I hate to admit it, but the
man in the suit has a point.
209
00:07:54,427 --> 00:07:56,143
Ugh!
210
00:07:56,145 --> 00:07:58,378
Fine, but the playoffs
are coming up soon,
211
00:07:58,380 --> 00:08:00,815
and I can't have this
guy an emotional wreck.
212
00:08:00,817 --> 00:08:03,651
If you do dump him, at
least let him down easy.
213
00:08:03,653 --> 00:08:05,719
Yeah, take him
to a nice restaurant.
214
00:08:05,721 --> 00:08:06,987
Preferably a dessert place.
215
00:08:06,989 --> 00:08:09,023
That way, you won't have to
sit through a whole meal
216
00:08:09,025 --> 00:08:09,940
before you get to...
217
00:08:09,942 --> 00:08:11,391
Splitsville.
Exactly.
218
00:08:11,393 --> 00:08:12,610
No, Splitsville.
219
00:08:12,612 --> 00:08:13,944
It's a dessert place
right around the corner.
220
00:08:13,946 --> 00:08:17,248
It's sort of the placeto end a relationship.
221
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,954
Uh, Nick, listen.
222
00:08:23,956 --> 00:08:26,907
You are awesome
223
00:08:26,909 --> 00:08:31,629
and totally sweet,
but we're just not...
224
00:08:32,965 --> 00:08:35,049
You know where I'm going
with this, right?
225
00:08:35,051 --> 00:08:37,584
No. No clue.
226
00:08:37,586 --> 00:08:41,088
Okay, um...
227
00:08:41,090 --> 00:08:43,974
I don't know if we should
keep seeing each other.
228
00:08:43,976 --> 00:08:46,677
You want to start turning
off the lights during sex?
229
00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:48,262
No. God, no.
230
00:08:48,264 --> 00:08:50,114
No! No.
231
00:08:50,116 --> 00:08:54,785
I am just worried that, as
a couple, we're not working out.
232
00:08:54,787 --> 00:08:57,271
You want to start
going to the gym together?
233
00:08:57,273 --> 00:08:58,939
Okay, no, Nick,
here is the deal.
234
00:08:58,941 --> 00:08:59,907
Okay...
235
00:09:00,943 --> 00:09:02,409
Sorry, babe. I got to take this.
236
00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:03,477
Excuse me.
237
00:09:03,479 --> 00:09:05,796
Hello.
238
00:09:05,798 --> 00:09:07,248
Hey, what's up?
239
00:09:09,050 --> 00:09:11,302
You...
240
00:09:11,304 --> 00:09:12,970
What? I...
241
00:09:12,972 --> 00:09:14,138
I don't understand.
242
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:16,290
But you...
243
00:09:16,292 --> 00:09:17,591
Okay, um, you know what?
244
00:09:17,593 --> 00:09:19,760
I'm sorry, I-I have to go.
245
00:09:21,963 --> 00:09:23,264
What happened?
246
00:09:23,266 --> 00:09:26,350
I...
247
00:09:26,352 --> 00:09:28,468
I, um...
248
00:09:28,470 --> 00:09:31,238
Uh, I'm sorry,
I can't talk about this.
249
00:09:34,810 --> 00:09:35,776
Anyway,
250
00:09:35,778 --> 00:09:38,779
what were you going to say?
251
00:09:38,781 --> 00:09:41,582
Uh...
252
00:09:41,584 --> 00:09:46,203
I was gonna say,
order whatever else you want.
253
00:09:46,205 --> 00:09:47,705
It's on me.
254
00:09:47,707 --> 00:09:49,924
Well, thanks,
but I think I'd just rather
255
00:09:49,926 --> 00:09:51,825
eat it out of a bowl.
256
00:09:56,958 --> 00:09:58,358
Well, no doubt
you're all wondering
257
00:09:58,373 --> 00:09:59,939
how the T-Square's
first game went.
258
00:09:59,941 --> 00:10:00,991
What Squares?
259
00:10:00,993 --> 00:10:02,576
Picture a well-
oiled machine.
260
00:10:02,578 --> 00:10:04,377
Your sewing machine?
261
00:10:04,379 --> 00:10:06,413
There were two seconds
left on the clock.
262
00:10:06,415 --> 00:10:09,416
Aboubakar was all over me.
263
00:10:09,418 --> 00:10:11,968
And that's when all my yearsof architectural training
264
00:10:11,970 --> 00:10:13,637
came to my aid.
265
00:10:13,639 --> 00:10:17,307
I saw the space in a waymy opponents never would.
266
00:10:32,774 --> 00:10:33,857
Yes!
267
00:10:33,859 --> 00:10:36,643
I told you guys
I'd make one of these!
268
00:10:36,645 --> 00:10:38,578
Turns out, those two
points were taken away
269
00:10:38,580 --> 00:10:40,980
because apparently the
ball went "out of bounds."
270
00:10:40,982 --> 00:10:42,032
But don't worry,
271
00:10:42,034 --> 00:10:44,484
I'm appealing
to the league office.
272
00:10:44,486 --> 00:10:47,771
This Aboubakar-- I'm assuming
you showered with the guy?
273
00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:49,539
Paint me a word picture.
274
00:10:51,493 --> 00:10:52,626
Hello.
275
00:10:52,628 --> 00:10:53,927
Lil, is Barney there?
276
00:10:53,929 --> 00:10:55,011
He's not answering his phone.
277
00:10:55,013 --> 00:10:56,847
Mm, he's a little busy
right now.
278
00:10:56,849 --> 00:10:57,997
It's Robin.
279
00:10:57,999 --> 00:10:59,933
37... 38...
280
00:10:59,935 --> 00:11:01,635
Put her on speaker. 39...
281
00:11:01,637 --> 00:11:03,503
When did you start being
able to do stuff like this?
282
00:11:03,505 --> 00:11:05,338
A few months ago,
you had to catch your breath
283
00:11:05,340 --> 00:11:06,339
after making a sandwich.
284
00:11:06,341 --> 00:11:07,840
Barney, delete the Robin
285
00:11:07,842 --> 00:11:10,777
and Patrice's BFF Fun Day
invite!
286
00:11:10,779 --> 00:11:12,562
Did you break up with Nick yet?
287
00:11:12,564 --> 00:11:13,947
I can't!
He just got some horrible call.
288
00:11:13,949 --> 00:11:16,182
I think a family member might
have died or something.
289
00:11:16,184 --> 00:11:17,484
Oh!
Yes! Yes!
290
00:11:17,486 --> 00:11:19,202
Yes! Yes! Yes!
291
00:11:19,204 --> 00:11:22,322
I mean, good that Robin
can't dump him.
292
00:11:22,324 --> 00:11:23,856
The death part,
less good.
293
00:11:23,858 --> 00:11:26,042
Robin, if you dump Nick,
294
00:11:26,044 --> 00:11:28,912
he could get mad and
tear your blouse off.
295
00:11:28,914 --> 00:11:30,830
And then he bites
you on the neck,
296
00:11:30,832 --> 00:11:32,699
not super hard,
just on the brink
297
00:11:32,701 --> 00:11:33,800
between pleasure
and pain.
298
00:11:33,802 --> 00:11:35,418
And then that Danish slut
Nadia
299
00:11:35,420 --> 00:11:37,304
bursts in...
300
00:11:37,306 --> 00:11:40,039
You can't wait.
His groin will heal
301
00:11:40,041 --> 00:11:42,041
and then before you know it,
you'll be marrying a man
302
00:11:42,043 --> 00:11:44,728
who once ate
a vanilla-scented candle!
303
00:11:44,730 --> 00:11:45,929
That was on me.
304
00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:48,582
I shouldn't have left it
in the kitchen.
305
00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:51,284
Though, it was lit.
Man, he dumb.
306
00:11:51,286 --> 00:11:52,852
The invite goes live
in five minutes.
307
00:11:52,854 --> 00:11:54,020
What?!
308
00:11:54,022 --> 00:11:56,106
It goes out automatically
unless I stop it,
309
00:11:56,108 --> 00:11:58,275
and that only happens
if I hear you dump Nick
310
00:11:58,277 --> 00:12:00,076
on speakerphone
before then.
311
00:12:00,078 --> 00:12:01,778
Fine.
312
00:12:04,898 --> 00:12:08,401
Hey, Nick. I'm
sorry about that.
313
00:12:08,403 --> 00:12:10,353
Um, listen,
314
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,871
there's something I need
315
00:12:11,873 --> 00:12:13,206
to talk to you about.
316
00:12:13,208 --> 00:12:16,293
No, Robin, I'm sorry.
I'm like half here.
317
00:12:16,961 --> 00:12:18,411
That phone call, it just...
318
00:12:18,413 --> 00:12:21,264
I got some really bad news.
319
00:12:22,266 --> 00:12:24,634
My doctor did an MRI...
320
00:12:24,636 --> 00:12:26,386
and...
321
00:12:28,472 --> 00:12:32,058
Oh... Oh, God.
What, what is it?
322
00:12:32,060 --> 00:12:35,195
My groin injury is worse
than they thought.
323
00:12:35,197 --> 00:12:37,263
I can't play basketball
for weeks.
324
00:12:37,265 --> 00:12:40,450
Thank God. I thought he was
dying or something.
325
00:12:40,452 --> 00:12:43,770
How many weeks?
How many weeks?!
326
00:12:43,772 --> 00:12:45,705
Please tell me
it's not a tear
327
00:12:45,707 --> 00:12:47,073
in the iliolumbar ligament.
328
00:12:47,075 --> 00:12:49,209
It's a tear in the
"libioflumflar linament."
329
00:12:49,211 --> 00:12:52,045
If it's a small tear,
he can still make playoffs.
330
00:12:52,047 --> 00:12:53,046
It's a big tear.
331
00:12:53,048 --> 00:12:54,631
He better not be out
for the season.
332
00:12:54,633 --> 00:12:56,800
I'm out for the season.
Damn it!
333
00:12:56,802 --> 00:12:59,819
They're going up against The
Number Crunchers without me.
334
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:02,839
It's an after-work basketball
league for lawyers
335
00:13:02,841 --> 00:13:05,642
and accountants
and architects who sew.
336
00:13:05,644 --> 00:13:08,094
I mean, who takes it
that seriously?
337
00:13:08,096 --> 00:13:12,766
No...!
338
00:13:13,651 --> 00:13:16,119
I just hate
letting Coach Eriksen down.
339
00:13:16,121 --> 00:13:21,241
I would follow that man
through the gates of hell!
340
00:13:21,243 --> 00:13:22,626
Winning.
341
00:13:22,628 --> 00:13:26,813
What do we win when we beat
those Number Crunchers
342
00:13:26,815 --> 00:13:28,581
a few short weeks hence?
343
00:13:28,583 --> 00:13:30,000
A game? Sure.
344
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,585
A trophy? Sort of.
345
00:13:32,587 --> 00:13:34,921
We win a $25 gift card
to Bennigan's,
346
00:13:34,923 --> 00:13:37,457
but what is it
that we really win?
347
00:13:37,459 --> 00:13:38,625
The game!
348
00:13:38,627 --> 00:13:40,210
Yes, I said that Nick.
349
00:13:40,212 --> 00:13:41,494
Right.
350
00:13:41,496 --> 00:13:43,663
But we also win
351
00:13:43,665 --> 00:13:45,131
the right to walk tall.
352
00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:46,266
Oh!
353
00:13:46,268 --> 00:13:48,835
The right to call ourselves
champions.
354
00:13:48,837 --> 00:13:50,203
Yeah.
So we are gonna
355
00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:51,721
go out and we are
356
00:13:51,723 --> 00:13:53,139
gonna wipe the floor
with those accountants!
357
00:13:53,141 --> 00:13:56,176
And afterwards,
we will feast like kings
358
00:13:56,178 --> 00:13:59,179
on Southwest Fajitas
and Cajun shrimp!
359
00:13:59,181 --> 00:14:03,850
And that check, that check will
be marginally less expensive!
360
00:14:03,852 --> 00:14:05,568
Yeah! Yeah!
361
00:14:05,570 --> 00:14:09,039
Now, they're probably gonna have
to pay full price for that meal.
362
00:14:10,542 --> 00:14:14,694
Nick, you are so sweet,
but I just...
363
00:14:14,696 --> 00:14:16,028
Good news is
364
00:14:16,030 --> 00:14:18,548
it doesn't really matter
if it takes my groin pull
365
00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:20,216
a little longer to heal,
366
00:14:20,218 --> 00:14:23,035
so I may as well start
having sex again.
367
00:14:23,037 --> 00:14:24,421
Listening.
368
00:14:24,423 --> 00:14:25,472
Sickening.
369
00:14:25,474 --> 00:14:26,639
Exiting.
370
00:14:31,395 --> 00:14:32,846
Nick...
Huh?
371
00:14:32,848 --> 00:14:34,681
I just...
372
00:14:34,683 --> 00:14:37,016
Ah... I...
373
00:14:37,018 --> 00:14:39,169
Hmm?
Um...
374
00:14:39,171 --> 00:14:40,570
Mm-hmm?
375
00:14:40,572 --> 00:14:41,721
Oh...
376
00:14:41,723 --> 00:14:45,558
What do you think?
377
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,694
I think I am suddenly
in the mood
378
00:14:47,696 --> 00:14:49,562
for something hot.
379
00:14:49,564 --> 00:14:51,898
I see. Sounds like I should
order some cappuccinos.
380
00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:54,667
Don't talk till
tomorrow morning.
381
00:14:54,669 --> 00:14:56,453
She can't go home
with you, Nick.
382
00:14:56,455 --> 00:14:58,922
Barney?
Why not?
383
00:14:58,924 --> 00:15:02,208
Because Robin and I are in love.
384
00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:10,631
Barney, what are
you doing here?
385
00:15:10,857 --> 00:15:11,856
Taking care of something
386
00:15:11,858 --> 00:15:13,057
you clearly can't do
on your own.
387
00:15:13,059 --> 00:15:14,075
I'm sorry,
388
00:15:14,077 --> 00:15:15,776
but you and Robin are done.
389
00:15:15,778 --> 00:15:17,278
What? Robin, what is this?
390
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:19,230
Barney, look, I-I know
what you're doing, okay?
391
00:15:19,232 --> 00:15:20,397
Please stop.
392
00:15:20,399 --> 00:15:22,233
Robin doesn't want
to hurt your feelings
393
00:15:22,235 --> 00:15:23,701
because you're a nice guy,
394
00:15:23,703 --> 00:15:24,869
but she thinks
395
00:15:24,871 --> 00:15:26,170
you're stupid and she hates you.
396
00:15:26,172 --> 00:15:27,121
You're welcome.
397
00:15:27,123 --> 00:15:28,372
Stop doing this.
398
00:15:28,374 --> 00:15:29,907
I love her, Nick.
399
00:15:29,909 --> 00:15:31,342
Look, he doesn't
love me.
400
00:15:31,344 --> 00:15:33,261
He's just saying this because...
401
00:15:33,263 --> 00:15:34,428
I love everything about her,
402
00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:36,347
and I'm not a guy
who says that lightly.
403
00:15:36,349 --> 00:15:38,799
I'm a guy who has faked love
his entire life.
404
00:15:38,801 --> 00:15:40,417
I thought love
was just something
405
00:15:40,419 --> 00:15:41,636
idiots thought they felt,
406
00:15:41,638 --> 00:15:43,888
but this woman has
a hold on my heart
407
00:15:43,890 --> 00:15:46,107
that I could not break
if I wanted to,
408
00:15:46,109 --> 00:15:47,808
and there
have been times
409
00:15:47,810 --> 00:15:49,393
that I wanted to.
410
00:15:49,395 --> 00:15:54,198
It has been overwhelming
and humbling
411
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:58,619
and even painful at times,
but I could not stop loving her
412
00:15:58,621 --> 00:16:00,871
any more
than I could stop breathing.
413
00:16:02,157 --> 00:16:06,160
I am hopelessly, irretrievably
in love with her.
414
00:16:07,246 --> 00:16:10,147
More than she knows.
415
00:16:14,586 --> 00:16:15,836
Robin,
416
00:16:15,838 --> 00:16:17,388
is this true?
417
00:16:18,623 --> 00:16:20,808
You heard him.
418
00:16:22,344 --> 00:16:24,629
Oh, wow, it feels
like I have
419
00:16:24,631 --> 00:16:28,015
a pulled groin muscle
in my heart.
420
00:16:28,017 --> 00:16:29,767
Nick, I-I'm so sorry.
421
00:16:29,769 --> 00:16:32,019
I just
think that maybe...
422
00:16:32,021 --> 00:16:33,821
Pardon me.
423
00:16:33,823 --> 00:16:36,657
But did you just also get
your heart broken?
424
00:16:36,659 --> 00:16:39,277
Yes.
I just got
425
00:16:39,279 --> 00:16:42,830
my heart broken, too!
426
00:16:42,832 --> 00:16:44,982
Well, do the...
the two of you...
427
00:16:45,751 --> 00:16:47,501
...want to come back
to my place?
428
00:16:47,503 --> 00:16:50,621
Yes.
Yes. Come on.
429
00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:55,926
Thus concludedthe Autumn of Breakups,
430
00:16:55,928 --> 00:16:57,328
Wow.
431
00:16:57,330 --> 00:16:59,013
- Crazy, right?
- Yeah,
432
00:16:59,015 --> 00:17:01,015
you know what would be
really crazy?
433
00:17:01,017 --> 00:17:02,183
If all of 'em
434
00:17:02,185 --> 00:17:07,171
got it on-- Barney, Robin, Nick,
and those two women,
435
00:17:07,173 --> 00:17:09,974
and you just know
Nadia's watching in the corner
436
00:17:09,976 --> 00:17:11,676
with her pet snake.
437
00:17:11,678 --> 00:17:13,561
Okay, why aren't
you two having sex?
438
00:17:13,563 --> 00:17:14,945
What?
439
00:17:14,947 --> 00:17:16,447
Excuse me?
440
00:17:16,449 --> 00:17:18,816
Lily has been slobbering
over Robin's sex life
441
00:17:18,818 --> 00:17:22,119
like a cartoon hobo watching
a pie cool on a windowsill,
442
00:17:22,121 --> 00:17:23,487
and you--
443
00:17:23,489 --> 00:17:25,956
the only other time you've ever
exercised this seriously
444
00:17:25,958 --> 00:17:28,025
was when Lily had mono
freshman year
445
00:17:28,027 --> 00:17:29,543
and I caught you doing
one-armed push-ups
446
00:17:29,545 --> 00:17:31,862
with your genitals
over a bowl of ice.
447
00:17:31,864 --> 00:17:32,963
So, when did
448
00:17:32,965 --> 00:17:35,800
you stop doing it and why?
449
00:17:36,551 --> 00:17:38,636
It was, you know,
450
00:17:38,638 --> 00:17:41,255
before Marvin was born.
451
00:17:41,257 --> 00:17:42,840
What?
Th-That's insane.
452
00:17:42,842 --> 00:17:45,343
Well, you have to wait a while
after having a kid,
453
00:17:45,345 --> 00:17:48,512
and, and then you're exhausted
from being up all night.
454
00:17:48,514 --> 00:17:52,316
And then this uncanny
phenomenon began.
455
00:18:13,805 --> 00:18:14,939
Wow,
456
00:18:14,941 --> 00:18:16,507
you guys got to fix this.
457
00:18:16,509 --> 00:18:18,342
It's not that easy.
458
00:18:20,713 --> 00:18:22,713
Ted, having a kid
459
00:18:22,715 --> 00:18:24,215
changes things.
460
00:18:24,217 --> 00:18:28,302
You don't have the time
or energy, you're never alone.
461
00:18:28,304 --> 00:18:30,438
Come here.
462
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,356
What are you doing?
463
00:18:32,358 --> 00:18:33,941
Taking Marvin
for a walk
464
00:18:33,943 --> 00:18:36,593
so you guys can
have some privacy.
465
00:18:36,595 --> 00:18:38,529
Oh, Ted, come on,
466
00:18:38,531 --> 00:18:40,347
that's, that's just not
the way that it works.
467
00:18:40,349 --> 00:18:42,533
Yeah, it's not
like we can have sex on cue.
468
00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:44,568
Yeah, I'll give you
guys plenty of time.
469
00:18:44,570 --> 00:18:46,153
Maybe I'll even
470
00:18:46,155 --> 00:18:47,788
swing by the gym, show Marvin
471
00:18:47,790 --> 00:18:49,824
where his Uncle Ted
made "the shot."
472
00:18:49,826 --> 00:18:51,409
If I'm late,
473
00:18:51,411 --> 00:18:53,577
it's 'cause I've been delayed
by autograph seekers.
474
00:18:55,380 --> 00:18:57,465
Oh, forgot Marvin's diaper bag.
475
00:18:57,467 --> 00:18:58,466
Yowza!
476
00:18:58,468 --> 00:19:00,768
Okay.
477
00:19:00,770 --> 00:19:03,637
And the Oscar for Best
Fake Romantic Speech
478
00:19:03,639 --> 00:19:05,622
goes to Barney Stinson.
479
00:19:05,624 --> 00:19:08,292
I'd like to thank all
the ladies over the years
480
00:19:08,294 --> 00:19:10,294
with whom I've practiced
fake romantic speeches
481
00:19:10,296 --> 00:19:12,062
and, of course,
Robin Scherbatsky
482
00:19:12,064 --> 00:19:14,148
for being so
hypnotized by hog
483
00:19:14,150 --> 00:19:16,183
that she needed me
to come and save her.
484
00:19:16,185 --> 00:19:18,486
You know what?
I didn't need your help.
485
00:19:18,488 --> 00:19:22,490
You were this close to ripping
off his misbuttoned shirt
486
00:19:22,492 --> 00:19:25,910
and pulling down his
inside-out underpants.
487
00:19:25,912 --> 00:19:29,029
I'll give you this,
you were pretty convincing.
488
00:19:29,031 --> 00:19:31,782
Hey, tricking good-looking
idiots is kind of my thing.
489
00:19:31,784 --> 00:19:34,001
No.
490
00:19:34,819 --> 00:19:38,956
I mean, you were
really convincing.
491
00:19:42,010 --> 00:19:43,043
Please.
492
00:19:43,045 --> 00:19:44,628
I was bro-ing you out.
493
00:19:45,441 --> 00:19:47,575
I'm just glad
he bought it so quick.
494
00:19:47,577 --> 00:19:51,979
Any longer, I'd have had
to kiss you.
495
00:19:58,755 --> 00:19:59,954
Hello.
496
00:19:59,956 --> 00:20:01,922
Whoo, oh, my God,
Robin, BFF Fun Day!
497
00:20:01,924 --> 00:20:03,374
That's the most
amazing thing ever.
498
00:20:03,376 --> 00:20:06,394
Like, you totally read my mind...
Hey, Patrice.
499
00:20:06,396 --> 00:20:08,679
Oh, you got the
invite, great.
500
00:20:08,681 --> 00:20:10,648
Uh, yeah, uh, let
me call you back.
501
00:20:10,650 --> 00:20:12,360
This is so fantastic,
I can't even catch my breath.
502
00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:13,218
Mm-hmm, yeah.
503
00:20:13,219 --> 00:20:15,636
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
504
00:20:15,638 --> 00:20:16,971
You know
what I forgot to do?
505
00:20:18,841 --> 00:20:23,728
♪ Like a fool,
I went and stayed too long ♪
506
00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:26,530
♪ Now I'm wondering
if your love's still strong ♪
507
00:20:26,532 --> 00:20:29,533
♪ Ooh, baby, here I am
508
00:20:29,535 --> 00:20:33,487
♪ Signed, sealed, delivered,
I'm yours. ♪
509
00:20:37,101 --> 00:20:38,185
Hey, T-Squares.
510
00:20:38,666 --> 00:20:40,599
Well, bad news.
511
00:20:40,601 --> 00:20:42,618
Heard back
from the league office.
512
00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:45,454
My shot is not going to count.
513
00:20:45,456 --> 00:20:47,740
But onwards and upwards, right?
514
00:20:47,742 --> 00:20:49,058
What do you cats want
515
00:20:49,060 --> 00:20:50,909
to rap about, huh?
516
00:20:50,911 --> 00:20:53,645
Listen, Coach... you're great.
517
00:20:53,647 --> 00:20:57,633
And we all really
want to stay friends.
518
00:21:00,303 --> 00:21:02,287
I can change, I can...
519
00:21:02,289 --> 00:21:03,906
Come on, we, we had
some good times.
520
00:21:05,145 --> 00:21:06,411
Things have been
weird lately and...
521
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,867
Is there another
architect? Just tell me.
522
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:14,869
== sync, corrected by elderman ==36950
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof