All language subtitles for George Lopez s03e15 God Needles George

Dad, have you seen Mr. Needles?

I can't find him anywhere.

I haven't seen him.

Don't worry.

He didn't eat any of the food in his
bowl.

The poor little bacon fat in his food.

My mom used to do that with my dog. He'd
lick the bowl clean.

Maybe that's why he died when he was
three.

Yeah, I guess chihuahuas were never
meant to be 45 pounds.

I just found Mr. Needles hiding under
the couch.

He doesn't look so good.

You know what?

I think I should call the vet.

No, not Dr. Lispy.

Every time we go to that guy, I always
find something wrong with Mr. Needles

just so he can charge us a fortune.

George, he's not making things up.

That dog has been through a lot with the
diabetes, the cataracts, the heart

murmur.

He didn't have a heart murmur. He just
skipped a beat when he saw that giant

thermometer heading south.

I won't call Dr.

Lispy, but I am taking the phone into
the other room for a couple minutes.

I may take the dog out for a little
while later, and there may be a bill

the vet.

But you won, George.

You won again.

Darn your strength.

You know, if you don't want to spend any
money, you can do what my uncle did

when he was sick.

Ernie, I'm not going to kill a chicken
to save a dog.

No, my other uncle.

See, basically...

He had a cyst the size of a grapefruit.

So he prayed for a miracle.

He promised God that if it went away,
he'd go to Mexico and crawl on his knees

up the cobblestone path that leads to
the church of the Virgin of Guadalupe.

A month later, that cyst was gone.

Vamanos, cyst!

You'll see Mr. Needles in half an hour.

You know, when I was a kid, we didn't go
to the vet.

My mom just waited till it got dark, and
then we took that dog for a ride.

mean? No, it wasn't. We always dropped
them off in a good neighborhood.

They had street lights. All the cars
were painted one color.

Nobody was selling corn.

When my mom opened the door, I should
have jumped out.

I'm cradling that dog like a child.

The doctor sees that he's going to get
us for as much money as he can.

But I do consider Mr. Needles one of our
children.

That's just because Carmen set the bar
so low.

I'm sorry I kept you folks waiting. And
frankly, I wish I had better news.

How much?

Stop it. We're not shopping for a car.

Yeah, but he might be.

Mr. Needles has a tumor in his stomach.

Oh, my baby.

It's already shown signs of spreading,
but he has a slim chance if we operate

quickly.

How much?

Well, that depends on a lot of things.

But you can't put a price on a family
member.

Oh, yeah?

My son, five grand.

My daughter, 2 ,200.

My mom, three if you tore her away.

How much will the operation cost?

Around $3 ,000.

$3 ,000? Are there any other options?

Well, if you decide against the
operation, the humane thing to do would

put Mr. Needles to sleep.

Sorry, baby.

Why don't you take a night to think
about it? You can leave him here and

keep an eye on him. How much did that
cost?

If you want him to have his own room, a
private nurse.

How much?

$150.

No way. For $150, I can get him a hotel
room and a hot photo and send him off in

style. All night long.

Really, what are you doing tonight?

Angie, I don't want the dog to die, but
three grand?

What if one of the kids gets sick or
hurt?

You know, Karma's going to be driving
next year.

Pretty soon we'll be paying for smash
fenders and street signs, old people,

coffee shops.

Was I going the wrong way?

I thought everyone was waving at me
because I looked so good.

took that dog and we made a commitment
to take care of him no matter what.

And we have.

We nursed that dog through diabetes and
mange, erupting tail acne.

If I had all that stuff, Angie, I'd be
begging you to bury me in the backyard.

If I had to dig a hole big enough for
your head, I'd rather put in a pool.

Look, as you heard the vet, even with
the operation, there's a good chance

the disease has already spread.

I know you're upset, but I don't think
we have a choice here.

You want me to tell Max?

No, I'll do it.

What are you going to say?

I don't know.

I guess I could use the speech I
prepared for my mom's death.

I just won't start it with, the reason
I'm drinking champagne is because...

Hey, buddy, where's Mr. Needles?

He was gassy, so I put him in Carmen's
room.

Look, we gotta talk.

Mr. Needles has a tumor in his stomach.

I'm sorry, son, but it doesn't look like
he's gonna make it.

But he's been sick before.

He always gets better.

Not this time, Max.

Mr. Needles is in a lot of pain.

You don't want him to go through that,
do you?

No.

Neither do we, so tomorrow we're going
to take him to the vet and end his

suffering.

He'll still got one more night.

He might get better.

I don't think that's going to happen,
son.

It could.

God? If you save Mr. Needles, I'll...
I'll be nice to Carmen for a whole

Aren't you going to pray?

Okay, sure.

I hope Mr. Needles gets better, but
honestly, I'm not expecting anything.

Dad! I just don't want you to get your
hopes up.

But you heard Ernie.

Praying worked for his uncle.

Okay.

I wait.

Again, I'm not expecting anything.

But God, if you make Mr. Needles get
better,

I will crawl up the cobblestone path to
that church in Mexico.

Just remember, if prayers don't work,
Mr. Needles will go straight to heaven.

And he'll be able to run again and lift
his leg and pee.

And he'll be that feisty little guy he
was before he got neutered.

Really?

Yep.

Every time a bell rings, son, another
dog gets back his wells.

is better. He's been like this all day.

He did finish all his food this morning.

Look, you two are breaking my heart.

This is a very, very sick dog.

Does that look sick to you?

It's so sad Angie's kissing his ass
goodbye.

We took more x -rays like Mrs. Lopez
requested.

Listen, we can't find the tumor.

It's just disappeared.

I told you.

Wait a minute. What do you mean
disappeared?

Take a look for yourself at the x -rays.

Yesterday, tumor.

Today, no tumor.

And you can tell it's the same dog
because he swallowed this heart -shaped

earring.

Oh, I've been looking for that.

finding it very soon.

Doctor, how did the tumor just
disappear?

If I had to guess, I'd say it's a
miracle.

God heard us. The prayers worked.

What are you talking about?

I promised God I'd be nice to Carmen if
he saved Mr. Needles.

to me now. I want two more wishes.

It doesn't work that way.

What do you know? You never saved a dog.

How's Mr. Needle?

He's doing great.

Dad, when are you going to Mexico and go
crowning me?

You know what?

God came to me last night in a vision.

I don't have to go anymore.

Yeah? What'd he say?

It was all a big mix -up.

It turns out he was trying to save some
dog in China, Mr. Noodles.

That is the lamest excuse I've ever
heard.

Wait till tomorrow.

You know you can't put this off forever.

Max, we're going to bug you about this
every day for the rest of your life.

Angie, I can't go to Mexico and crawl on
my knees.

Ernie told me the path to that church is
a mile of rough cobblestones.

You should have thought about that
before you made a promise to God in

your son.

I thought the dog was on his way out.

And now I'm being punished for trying to
comfort my boy? What kind of...

Come on, don't tell me you believe that.

Then you explain it.

I can't.

I also can't explain why Martin Sheen is
a Latino, but that doesn't make sense

either.

Fine. Blow off God.

But don't blame me when your hands turn
to serpents and start biting your face.

Look,

Angie, please. If God punished everyone
who broke his promise to him, the world

would be filled with war and famine.

That's right.

People make promises all the time, and
they never follow through.

Jason promised to take me to a movie
tonight, then just blew me off at

basketball practice.

But I couldn't say anything, because if
I'm mad at him, he might break up with

me, and all I want to do is keep being
Jason McNamara's girlfriend.

I might go to Mexico just to get that.

If you follow through with this and
anything happens to Mr. Needles, Max

never forgive you.

I can never do nothing in this house.

They're all crazy in there.

Why do you think I'm out here?

Let's see.

Smoke or talk to Angie?

Well, they both shorten my life.

But you know, the tax on these helps pay
for public schools.

This one's for the kids.

I'm not going to go to Mexico and crawl
on my knees.

George, it doesn't matter if you
actually go, as long as Max thinks you

Mom, I'm not going to lie to him.

Why not?

He'll never find out.

George, remember when you were little
and I... I took you to Disneyland?

Yeah.

It was just a carnival in a church
parking lot.

But there was Disney characters there.

Nope. Nope.

Those dwarves you were hugging?

They were just dwarves.

I can't believe you did that.

George, come on, we were broke. I wanted
you to be happy at work, didn't it?

I guess.

But what about SeaWorld with the lobster
tank and that really good garlic bread?

Let's not go down this road.

I thought you were supposed to be down
in Mexico.

As far as Max knows, I am.

What?

Oh, no.

You're going to fake crawling on the
cobblestones?

That's sacrilege.

Come on, this is harmless.

It's not like I'm tricking him into
hugging a bunch of wasted dwarfs.

Okay, how long have you been here
drinking?

Father Rick just walked in. George, it's
a sign.

He's just picking up money from the
donation jar. It's a sign.

Hello, George.

Why are they coming over?

How are you?

I'm good, man. Take care.

How's it going, Ernesto?

George is lying to his son and God, and
you've been sent down here to save him.

Is there something you want to get off
your chest, George?

Got a minute?

Sure.

Look, Father, my kid's dog was dying, so
I promised God that if he lived, I'd

crawl up the cobblestone path to the
church of the Virgin of Guadalupe.

Those cobblestones are like jagged
knives cutting away at your knees.

Anyway, man, the dog got better.

No one knows how.

So now my son wants me to go to Mexico.

But I only said the prayer to make him
feel better.

Well, George, in the Bible, God doesn't
bargain.

You don't offer him things to get things
in return.

Thank you. That's perfect. That's what I
can tell Max.

Why does it take you guys an hour to say
the same thing on Sunday?

Then again, you did make a promise, and
if you don't keep your word, that's

bearing false witness, which would be
breaking a commandment.

But it's not like one of the big...
commandments, right? Like killing or

stealing. I mean, come on, God just kind
of threw that one in to fill up the

tablets.

I mean, the nine commandments, that
sounds kind of lame.

Ultimately, George, you have to ask
yourself, do you want to be a man who

his word or a liar?

Okay.

Let's say I don't do this. cobblestone
thing, but I do something just as good.

Let's say, give a little something
something to the church.

Let's say, huh?

George, is that a four or a seven?

That is a one, my man.

Have a nice time in Mexico.

would know.

You're one of those, huh?

Why are you here?

There was a horrible flood.

My entire village was lost.

As I clutched to the top of a tree and
the waters rose, I promised God if he

spared my life, I would crawl this path.

And you?

My kid's dog got sick.

Anything else before I go?

No, I'm all right.

I'm going to go get your pain
medication.

I'll be right back.

Okay,

I get it. You're welcome.

What was that?

Come on, I can't move.

Go to Carmen's room. Nils!

Carmen's room. Go!