All language subtitles for George Lopez s02e17 A Kiss Is Just A Kiss

This is gonna be so cool.

I'm gonna be the only one with a
motorized skateboard.

Hey, how fast do you think it's gonna
go?

Ron, if my calculations are correct,
with a couple of minor adjustments,

be able to go this fast.

I WAIT!

Come on, lunch is ready!

Okay, here is this week's... Monday is
Max's soccer game. Tuesday is

Carmen's dance class.

Wednesday is my birthday.

Thursday is the day after my birthday.
Friday is two days after my birthday.

Saturday, if we have not celebrated my
birthday by then, I'll be known as the

Widow Lopez.

Angie, I know Wednesday's your birthday.

Yeah, I know it is, too. I saw a bunch
of empty boxes of hair dye in the trash.

Kids, notice how at feeding time the old
dominant chimp challenges the young

beautiful one?

You know what?

Call me whatever you want.

I'm eating your food, I'm drinking your
beer, I'm watching your television.

Yeah, I'm the monkey.

Do you have anything planned for my
birthday?

Angie, please.

I got... Don't say I got this.

I will do my best to get this.

What are you going to get her, Dad? I
have no idea.

Just give her something from the heart,
something only you know she likes.

She likes tea.

I've seen her drink it.

You like the couch. I've seen you sleep
on it.

I can't screw this up. I gotta get her
something she's gonna love.

Well, he's been talking about this charm
bracelet she really likes. Really?

What's the story to that? I don't know.
I'll go check the receipt.

That's right.

I bought it.

Yeah, you're gonna buy it, all right.
Why don't you try to stop that

George, that was a great birthday
dinner.

But I still think you spent way too much
money.

Come on, that place was a big rip -off.

The whole steak is stuck right here in
my tooth.

Grandma,

if you finished your steak, then what's
in the swan?

I don't know.

Some lady was dumb enough to leave it on
the bathroom sink.

You're just a big Mexican hillbilly,
aren't you?

Angie, why don't you come over to the
couch, my love?

It's time to open gifts. Your birthday's
not over. Who's first? I'll go. I'll

go.

Happy birthday, Mom.

Oh, you wrote

me a poem?

A single -page, 30 -page poem?

Get the stuff. Who's next?

I'll go last.

Okay, I'll go get my gift.

Mom, why don't you give Angie yours?

It's a homemade video.

George, is that our trip to the lake?
Because the kids can't see that.

Just watch.

Happy birthday, mija.

Oh, it's daddy.

Your mother wanted to say happy
birthday, too.

But she's volunteering at a dermatology
clinic in Guatemala.

There is somebody else here, though.

Hey, sis.

Happy birthday.

Oh, my God, my sister.

How did you get her to do this? We're
not even talking.

If we were, I'd tell her those bangs
were a bad idea.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, how do you think your dad looks?

Well, if that mustache were any bigger,
he could smuggle Cubans in it.

This no talking is ridiculous.

I miss you. And George called with this
fabulous idea for your birthday. So turn

around and you'll see your present.

Turn around?

Just turn around and kiss your hairy
father.

Don't anybody move. I'm going to get my
camera.

Okay. This is kind of a combined
birthday slash let's make up gift.

So, happy birthday, Ange.

Oh, my God.

It's beautiful.

It's Chanel.

I can't wear it again. I... I wore it
out of benefit and I was photographed in

it.

Oh, you show up on film now?

Listen.

What I said about Richard, I'm really
sorry.

Angie... No, let me say this. I never
should have tried to stop you from

marrying him. And I wish he was here so
I could apologize to him, too.

Well, he would have been here, but he's
kind of busy.

Divorcing me.

What?

Only two years.

Richard was perfect.

Professional, wealthy, handsome, Cuban.

I'm stupefied.

How can you and Richard be getting a
divorce when these two are still

There must have been some way you could
have worked this out.

How do you work it out when your
husband's never home? How do you work it

when you feel like there's a stranger in
your bed? How do you work it out when

you're changing sheets and you find the
stranger's panties?

I'm a little confused here. Were they
his panties?

Gloria, you keep going for these hot,
sexy, rich guys when you should be going

for a guy like George.

Cosmo says boring and hardworking is the
new hot and rich. It is for me.

Hey, my mom.

Stop it.

Your sister has a broken heart.

Come on, Gloria.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

Remember what Dad said to us when he
walked us down the aisle?

Hold on to this one and never let him
go?

You said to me when you make waffles,
you always throw out the first one.

I tailor my message to the moment.

Well, Dad got it wrong.

I'd be happy to have you on marriage.

I'm sorry. I've got to stop.

This is Angie's day.

Let's all go outside and make this a
party.

Dad, help me with the plates.

George, can you bring out the rest of
the cake? Sure.

I'll be right out. Okay.

George, you have a little icing there.

Where?

Right there.

What the hell was that all about?

What? What she just did.

Dude,

that's my sister -in -law.

Oh, yeah, right.

Oh, well, Max, it's complicated.

I mean, sometimes people love each
other, but it just doesn't work out.

That's sad.

It can also be pretty funny.

Like that time Mr. Ortega chased Mr.
Ortega down the street with a plunger.

That was my first mega lady.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that, Max.

At least her breath covered most of her
body.

All right, it's getting late. We'll
finish this tomorrow, so get up to bed.

I'm in here.

Oh, hey, hey, lingerie.

I'm sorry. I just came out for a smoke
and I thought the light was on.

I thought you quit smoking.

I thought Richard quit secretaries.

Since we're here,

can I confess something?

You wore the Chanel dress more than
once, didn't you?

knows.

When Angie first brought you home, I
thought you were a huge loser.

Okay, I'll confess something too.

I was in the kitchen and I heard you
say, Angie, this guy's a huge loser.

Well, I just want to say I was mostly
wrong.

Hey, thanks.

I'm actually a little jealous of her.

You want to know something?

I think she's actually a little jealous
of you too.

You're right. I should turn off the
lights. No.

So you want the lights off? No!

You want me up on the bench? No!

I want you to remember I'm married to
your sister.

Oh.

Orale, not you too.

Mom, I need to talk to somebody.

But since you're here, look.

Something happened last night.

Oh, just flip the mattress over. No one
knows.

Angie Fisher came on to me.

What? I'm serious.

Gloria tried to kiss me last night.

Oh, my God.

I don't believe this.

You're saying my Gloria tried to kiss
you? Vic, I don't... You don't even

understand how you got one Palmetto
woman and you think two are after you?

Where's my wife, eh? Is she in your
pants?

Just keep your little fantasies to
yourself, eh? I don't want my girls

because your ego is so big you think
everyone's trying to kiss you.

Are these kisses, eh?

Is this good for you?

I think maybe you should buy me dinner
now because we are kissing!

Imagine, there's an island of people
just like you.

You believe Gloria kissed me, right?

Oh, yeah, I believe you. She flirts with
everybody.

She would tongue a cow for cream in her
coffee.

So what do I do?

If I tell Angie I ruined her
relationship with her sister, and if I

her and she finds out from Gloria...

Then it looks like I was trying to hide
something.

No, I say don't tell her. Sometimes you
have to lie in order to protect someone.

Okay, remember that little dog, Monkey,
you had, and one day it was gone, and I

told you that he got hit by a car?

Yeah. Okay, well, that was not true.

He ran away.

So he could still be alive?

Well, he came back, but I had to take
him to the pound because I didn't want

to think that your mother was a liar.

and you cannot get that girl out of bed.

No kidding.

Look, Angie, about your sister... I know
she's got her problems.

But last night after you went to bed, we
stayed up talking.

For the first time in I don't know how
long, I felt like I had a sister again.

And I have you to thank for that.

So you're happy?

I'm really happy.

Well, that's the most important thing.

I'll go get Max and we'll finish the
skateboard.

George, can you do something for me?

Sure. While Gloria's out here, I really
want you two to get to know each other

better.

I think that's happening, Angie. I
really do.

Dude, ready to finish that skateboard?

I don't care about this skateboard
anymore.

This skateboard's going to go 40 miles
an hour. The guys from Jackass wouldn't

even ride it.

Why were you kissing Aunt Gloria?

What? I saw you.

Matt, I wasn't kissing Aunt Gloria. She
kissed me.

I love your mother.

And this family is everything to me, and
I wouldn't do anything to hurt you

guys, okay?

Okay.

Good. Now, come on. Let's go down and
work on your skateboard.

Are you and Mom going to get a divorce?

No.

You know what?

Wait right here.

Oh.

Don't you ever wear clothes?

Did you knock on my door to find out?

Max saw you kiss me last night.

He wants to know if Angie and I are
getting a divorce.

Oh, my God.

George, I'm sorry.

I'm not letting you mess up my family,
so put on all the clothes you have until

it resembles a tasteful pantsuit and go
down and talk to Max now.

Hey, can I come in?

You don't have to talk to me.

My dad already did.

Okay.

You're mad at me.

Why'd you kiss him?

I don't know. Why did I marry Charlie
Sheen for a week? You have to ask my

therapist.

Hey, Max.

I wasn't trying to take your dad away or
hurt your mom.

I just broke up with my husband and... I
don't know. Maybe I'm sad.

And seeing how happy your dad makes your
mom, I guess I wanted some of that

happiness.

Hey, someone could see.

I'm sorry, Matt. I couldn't help myself.

You are so cute.

My dad said it's the hair.

How'd it go?

Good.

But, um, I think I should leave.

Yeah, I think you should.

Oh.

Oh, God.

She walked right by you.

Was that a quickie?

You never have to worry about your mom
and me getting a divorce.

Okay, I grew up without a dad and would
never let that happen to you.

Are we gonna tell Mom?

Yeah, I think we should.

Okay, let's go.

Whoa!

I didn't finish.

And I think it'd be better to wait till
Aunt Gloria leaves.

Okay.

You know, she tried to kiss me, too.

Should I tell Mom that?

No. But why don't you tell Grandpa Vic?

I think he might get a kick out of it.

I wish you didn't have to go. We were
having such a good time.

I know, but the police want me to file a
report on the break -in. It's a big

hassle, but I need to be there. Yep,
gotta go. Big emergency.

Carmen, Max, come say goodbye.

That was a kiss goodbye.

Here's a hug.

And then people are going to walk by the
house and say, yeah, that's where those

people live.

And the property values are going to go
down. And eventually the cops are going

to arrest me in the front yard with no
shirt on.

So I didn't hear a lot of yelling. What
happened out there?

We talked.

She confessed.

She apologized.

And then I gave her her hair back.

I was going to tell you as soon as she
left.

George, if there's one thing I know,
it's that I can trust you.

Angie, I'm so sorry your birthday turned
out like this.

Oh, it's not your fault. It's Gloria's.

She's so competitive, it's disgusting.

So, who's the better kisser?

Mr. Needles.

Once you get past that breath, it's a
wild ride.

Put some music.

I'm feeling nostalgic.

How about a classic?

All right.

Iron Man by Black Sabbath?