All language subtitles for Family Ties s01e06 Give Uncle Arthur A Kiss

I bet we've been together for a million
years.

And I bet we'll be together for a
million more.

It's like I started breathing on the
night we kissed.

But I can't remember what I ever did
before.

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby?

Without us.

And there ain't no nothing. We can't
love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Oh, Stephen, I got those lifts you
wanted. Thanks.

This one is private contributor. This
one here is government grant.

Reagan cuts back anymore. The White
House won't be eligible to get our

Whoa, hey, this will get us off to a
good start. You get a check for $500

Dennis Elway?

Uh -huh.

Why aren't you excited?

He sends us a check for $500 every week.
They always bounce.

What do you want me to do with it?

Deposit it. Maybe this time we'll get
lucky.

I guess this is one part of... Public
broadcasting life you won't miss, huh,

Arthur? Oh, I don't know. After 14
years, you get used to begging and

It becomes a way of life.

Oh, hi, kids.

Where you been?

Down the hall.

Alex stopped out to watch Wall Street
Week.

Oh, how was it? Well, I found it a
little simplistic, but I guess it's okay

your average broker.

Mallory, look at you. You're getting
cuter every day.

Oh, you're just saying that, Uncle
Arthur.

No, I'm not.

Yes, he is.

Congratulate me. I just talked Wincott
Industries into donating $5 ,000 to the

station. How did you get that money out
of Wincott? Arthur's been after him for

years. I explained the tax and public
relations benefits to Mr. Wincott, and

bought it. I was beautiful.

I was gorgeous. I was sensational.

And modest.

No, I wasn't modest.

I did have to buy him six martinis and
promised that she'd give his wife some

air time for a Latin club.

The Latin club?

Yeah, they come out, they conjugate a
few verbs. Veni, vi, divici, pluribus,

they're done.

Crazy, Richard. You're always talking
about originating local programming.

Here's your opportunity.

Arthur, talk to him. What can I say,
Stephen? It's not my job anymore.

Excuse me, Arthur.

Stephen, Mr. Wincott is waiting in your
office. He wants to tell you personally

how happy he is to be involved with the
PBS station.

No problem, Stephen. I'll take care of
things down here. Stephen, let me tell

you how persuasive I was. That's okay.
Please.

Please.

That's Alex in ten years.

Hello.

Oh, good. I'll send someone down.

Uh, Alec, would you mind going over and
picking up these clips of these shows?

We're doing a retrospective of the last
15 years.

Sure, I'll handle it. Those film cans
are very heavy.

Jennifer, maybe you should do it.

Okay, we'll all go help. Hey, you don't
all have to go.

Oh, I'll stay here and help with the
phone campaign. I love to talk on the

phone. Mallory, don't forget, this is
business.

Yeah, don't start gossiping with any of
the donors.

Well, do you want me to start organizing
some numbers?

I'm sorry, I'm staring, Mallory. I just
can't get over how fast time has flown

by. How old are you now?

Fifteen. No, you can't be.

Oh, I'm pretty sure.

Oh, you've become such a beautiful girl.

Or should I say young woman?

Girl, girl.

Young girl.

It's wonderful to see you growing up,
becoming such a beautiful young lady.

Uh, thank you.

Now, do you want me to start calling, or
should I handle incoming calls? No, no,

no, that can wait. I haven't seen you in
ages.

Now, before we start working, why don't
you give your Uncle Arthur a hug?

bad. We got pledges for $7 ,500.

Is that counting the money from Dennis
Elway?

Uh, no. Including his money, we have $87
,000.

Alex, I want to talk to you. I need your
advice on something. It's really

serious.

Your hair looks great. Can I go now?

Alex, I mean it.

I've got a problem.

We all know that, Mallory, but admitting
it is the first step.

Mallory, what is it?

Well, this problem... See, it's kind of
in the neighborhood of sex.

The neighborhood of sex?

What are we talking, central downtown
sex or just a suburb of sex?

I'm not sure.

Mallory, didn't they show you that film
in hygiene class? You know, the one with

the baby chickies?

Alex, times have changed. They show us
one with the baby babies.

You sure that I'm the one you want to
talk to about this? I mean, I'm your

brother. You don't want to reveal
anything too personal to me. I'll go

and get a stranger.

Alex, cut it out.

This is really hard for me.

I'm sorry, Mallory.

What's wrong?

Well, down at the station after everyone
else left, I was alone with Arthur

and...

Well, I think he made a pass at me.

Arthur?

Uncle Arthur?

Come on, he's known you since you were
born.

He used to bathe you when you were a
baby.

I think he wants his old job back.

I can't believe this.

There has to be some reasonable
explanation.

There might be. Like I said, I'm not
sure it was a pass, but... What exactly

he do?

of my hand, and he gave me a kiss and
then a hug.

Friendly, Mallory.

He hugged me real tight. He's a warm
person.

And then he patted me on the behind.

It doesn't mean anything.

Ballplayers do it all the time.

I'd understand if I just hit a home run.

He thinks you're cute, that's all.

Look, Uncle Arthur just wouldn't do
something like that.

Are you sure? I'm positive.

Good.

I've never been so happy to be wrong
about something in my life.

I feel terrible that I even suspected
him.

Don't feel bad about it.

It's easy to misinterpret other people's
actions, especially in these days of

ambiguous sexual roles.

I guess that's what I did.

What happens to all of us?

First time a girl kissed me goodnight, I
thought she was in love with me.

Now I realize sometimes they kiss me
goodnight.

Stop me from talking.

Alex, thanks a lot. You've really been
supportive and understanding.

It's kind of a nice surprise since
you're usually such a creep.

Thanks, Mallory. It means a lot to me.

Hi.

I'm Stephen Keaton.

I'm the general manager of your public
television station, WKS.

We desperately need your help.

If each one of you could just look into
your hearts and then reach into your

pocketbook, we may... Hold it right
there, Dad.

That approach is all wrong.

What's wrong with it? I wrote it.

I'm desperate.

Nobody's going to want to give you money
if you sound like you really need it.

Well, I thought it sounded okay.

Don't patronize him.

No, I mean it.

Your father is a terrific spokesman for
the station.

He's warm, he's appealing.

Arthur, really, it's getting late.

Quiet, kids. Your Uncle Arthur has the
floor.

Go on, Arthur. As I recall, your last
words were warm and appealing.

I'm excused. I have a feeling this could
get sticky.

You can help me get dessert if you'd
like. Can I help, too? Sure.

Stephen, I'm going to need your help to
get the tray down.

Ah, warm and appealing.

Mallory, can you wait a second?

Uh, no, I don't think I can. See,
everybody has to carry their own

House rules. I just want to talk to you
about yesterday.

Yesterday? Yes. Down at the station?

The station.

Yeah, that was fun, stuffing those
envelopes. I'm not talking about

Well, what else is there?

Let's be honest, Mallory.

When I gave you that big hug, you
thought I was, well, making a pass at

didn't you?

Well, maybe.

I thought so. I'm so glad I brought it
up.

It's just that I was so happy to see
you, I gave you a big hug, that's all.

I'm sorry if you thought it was too big.
I didn't, really.

Look, I want you to know that I think of
you only in one way, and that's as

little Mallory. And all I want is for
you to think of me as your Uncle Arthur.

That's all I want, too. Good. So if I
did anything to make you think of me in

any other way, I'm sorry.

Well, I apologize for jumping to any
conclusions.

Your apology is...

Totally unnecessary.

So is yours. No hard feelings? No hard
feelings.

And

so,

if you feel like giving, give. If you
don't, don't.

I think you've gone too far the other
way now. Now you're too low pressure.

Kids, what do you think?

You think it's too long?

I don't know. Are they going to validate
parking down at the station?

Maybe you're right. I'll keep working on
it. Oh, by the way, I thought I'd throw

in a few nice words about Arthur since
he is leaving and all.

Make a speech about Arthur on TV?

Sure, kind of a going -away president.
He'll get a kick out of it, and I think

he deserves a little attention, don't
you?

I know he wants some.

Arthur Press is a man we can all be
proud of. A man who works hard and plays

hard. Oh, Dad.

I don't know about that last line.

What's wrong with it?

I just don't think anybody cares how
hard Arthur plays.

I know I don't.

Okay, maybe you're right.

Arthur's kindness, his warmth, and his
sincerity are an inspiration.

He's a man who has helped all of us at
the station feel like we're not just co

-workers, we're one big happy family.

You can always count on Arthur for a
smile or a hug. That's true.

So, Arthur, it is with sadness that I
say adieu.

But I know that at WGGK, they'll say,
howdy -do to you.

Well, what do you think?

It's nice.

It's a little long.

Oh, well, okay, okay. This isn't the
final draft.

I'll make it a little shorter. I've
already cut out half the speech.

You did say some very nice things,
though, Steve.

Thanks a lot.

I'll try to think of some shorter nice
things now.

Okay, guys, we've got a kitchen to
clean. We've got a lot of dirty dishes.

Jennifer, you want to wash or dry?

I'll dry.

There's more dignity to dry.

Guys, Mom, Alex and I will be right with
you. We're going to straighten up in

here. What are you talking about?

Everything's okay. It's fine.

Way to clean up this mess.

Mallory, what's going on?

It's Uncle Arthur.

He kissed me, Alex, on the lips, hard.

They don't do that when you hit a home
run, do they?

Not usually, no.

Close game, world theory.

All right, all right, I admit there's a
problem here.

Help me, Alex, I don't know what to do.

All right, Mallory, don't worry. Let's
work this out logically.

Important thing is you're okay, right?

I guess so, yeah.

Okay, okay. So what do we know? We know
you're okay and Uncle Arthur isn't,

right? So it's one -one.

Alex, you're not helping. I'm trying.
I'm trying.

Can you try harder?

Okay. I think the thing to do is... I
mean, this is just my opinion, but I

it's the right thing to do.

What? Talk to your mother. Mom! Quick!

Trump! Mallory wants to talk to you.

I'd stay, Mallory, but I think you'd be
more comfortable if I left.

I know I would.

What's up?

Mom, don't get mad at me for saying
this, but Uncle Arthur made a pass at

Arthur?

Are you sure?

Mom, I'm positive.

Mallory, when you say a pass... I mean a
pass with his hands and his lips.

He did it twice, once down at the
station and then again last night while

were in the kitchen.

Did he hurt you?

Nobody scared me.

I'm so embarrassed.

Honey, you shouldn't be embarrassed.

You didn't do anything wrong.

I just... I can't understand why you
would do something like this.

No, neither can I, but you can bet we'll
find out when we talk to him.

Talk to him?

Mom,

I couldn't do that.

Can't we just pretend this never
happened? No. Honey, no. That's one

can't do. These things happen too often
to pretend that they don't exist.

Did it ever happen to you?

Uh, yes, it did.

A friend of a family, well, grabbed me
one time.

Well, what did you do?

Went upstairs, put on American Bandstand
and did the twist.

I was confused. I was embarrassed. I
thought maybe it was my fault.

I thought maybe I misinterpreted what he
did. And even if he really meant to do

it, what good was telling anybody going
to do?

That's how I feel.

How can I accuse him of being so rotten
after all the wonderful things he's done

for me over the years?

Mallory, listen to me. You don't want
him to do it to you again.

And you don't want him to do it to any
other girls, do you?

I guess you're right.

I mean, he's such a good friend of
Dad's.

I'm not saying this is going to be easy.

Maybe it'd be better if it's me that
talks to Arthur instead of your dad.

But one thing I'm sure of, this thing is
going to be taken care of, okay?

come up with a new approach. Who wants
to hear a few nice words about Arthur?

Okay, I'll shorten it some more.

About three minutes to go, Steve.

I thought I had more time. No.

They're just finishing up on that
documentary.

Fertilizer. Your silent friend in the
garden.

Should be a big ratings grabber, that
one.

You never know.

Yeah, that was Arthur's baby.

At last, hurrah.

Gives you a good idea why he's moving
on.

Wait a minute, Richard.

I agree that people with less than 60
acres may find this one a little slow.

But there's something to remember about
Arthur Press.

He was there at the beginning, when
public broadcasting was just a baby.

And so were you.

He deserves a little respect.

Save it for the speech, Steve.

Hey,

Dad, I just wanted to come and wish you
luck.

Alex, thanks. I appreciate it. I'll be
up here answering phones if you need me.

I can start off in one of two ways,
Alex, with a history of the station, or

maybe I should start with a direct
appeal for money.

After the show that's on right now?
Yeah.

I'd start with an alarm clock.

Oh, hi, sweetheart.

Hi.

Now, remember, Dad, when you're making
your speech, be humble.

Try to maintain your pride.

I'll do my best.

Here's a kiss for good luck. Oh, thank
you, sweetie.

Oh, how about you two? A little kiss for
luck?

I got a warmer greeting at my army
physical.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

Turn to the left and cough.

Thanks. You seen Arthur?

Nobody should be out here any minute.

Well, when you see him, would you tell
him I want to talk to him? It's very

important. Sure. Anything wrong?

No, no.

About 30 seconds, Steve.

Oh, thank you.

You know, Steven...

I've seen that fertilizer film a hundred
times, and every time I find something

new in it, some little pearl of wisdom.

Yeah, it's hard to watch it and not cry.

Hello, Arthur.

Hello, Elise.

I want to talk to you.

No. Thank you very much.

Great.

Beautiful. Thank you. You got it?

You're on, Steve.

Hello?

I'm Stephen Keaton, general manager of
WKS. Welcome to Pledge Week.

For those of you who have just finished
viewing Fertilizer, Your Silent Friend

in the Garden, what can I say?

I'm sorry.

I mean, I'm sorry that we won't be able
to continue to bring you that type of

quality as well as...

Sesame Street, Masterpiece Theater,
American Playhouse, and all the rest,

you help us and help us now.

Money. Our courteous, efficient, and
friendly secretaries are standing by.

I'd like to introduce my wife, Elise
Keaton.

This is Arthur Press, a man whose name
is synonymous with WKF. We're not going

to get away with this, buddy!

In fact, not only is his name
synonymous, it rhymes.

Arthur Press, WKS.

What's going on? Nothing. It's not
nothing. Can it wait?

Stephen, Arthur tried to seduce our
daughter.

We'll be right back.

one little question. What the... Can you
think of one reason why I shouldn't

kill you?

Because it didn't happen like that,
Stephen.

Then why don't you tell us exactly what
happened? I don't remember exactly, but

you know me. I'm an affectionate guy.

Sometimes when I talk to people, I touch
them.

With your lips?

Look, uh, it might have... Okay, it did
happen.

I don't know what got into me.

I'm sorry, I really am.

You're sorry?

Art, did you think that's enough?

I don't know what else to say, Elise.

I don't understand what's happening to
me.

Ever since Elizabeth and I split up,
I've been acting crazy.

Dressing like a teenager, touching up
what's left of my hair.

Other people get divorced, other people
get older, and they don't do what you

did. I don't know what came over me. It
was an uncontrollable impulse, a one -in

-a -million thing.

It happened twice. Okay, twice in a
million.

We were like family, Arthur.

I didn't want to hurt her.

But you did.

I know.

I've been screwing up everything in my
life these days.

I had it once. Remember, Steve?

I was the guy who said, Sesame Street,
let's go with it. First time I saw a big

bird, I said, that bird's a star.

I never liked Mr. Rogers, though. Why
can't he change his shoes before the

Arthur, why don't you stop thinking
about yourself for a minute?

Think about what you did to that little
girl.

You're right.

I guess I've got a big problem.

You better get yourself some
professional help, Arthur.

Yeah, I guess I better.

Hey, Steve!

You still work at this station?

What is it, Richard?

We're busy here. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't
mean to get nitpicky, Steve.

But we're doing a live television show
out there.

The phones are ringing off the hook. And
for the past half hour, we've been

featuring a slide of Woody Hayes' house
at Duck.

What about the band?

Can't they play? The band didn't show
up. The bus broke down.

Well, hum something then. I've been
humming for 20 minutes. My gums are

bleeding.

the 28 hours to kill out there, and
right now we've got Jennifer out there

twirling a baton.

She's good at that. She can twirl for
hours.

Sorry!

Okay, we're coming. Thank you.

Dad, aren't you going to... Hello,
Mallory.

I thought my father... I mean, they
really need to, uh... Mallory, wait.

I'm sorry.

No, it's more than that.

I'm embarrassed.

I'm ashamed.

How could you do that to me?

I don't know.

I've got a problem.

I have to go get some help.

Look, I don't expect you to forgive me.

And I don't know whether things will
ever be the same between us.

But I hope someday I can be your Uncle
Arthur again.

Well, maybe someday.

Mallory. Dad, we were just talking.

He apologized.

I'm okay.

I'm so sorry this thing happened,
Mallory.

Why did he do it?

I don't know.

I don't think he knows.

Hey, I got your pencil in for a speech,
buddy.

See? 8 to 8, 15.

Steve, speak.

Richard.

Okay.

Go make your speech. I'm fine, really.

You could have come to me right away,
Mallory. Maybe I could have helped.

Arthur's your good friend.

You're my daughter.

Nothing's more important than my family.

Not my work, not my friends.

Nothing.

Used to tell me everything.

I'm older now.

It's not as easy.

I love you, Dad.

I love you, too.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.