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1
00:00:04,926 --> 00:00:07,395
- One, two, three, four.
2
00:00:07,396 --> 00:00:10,198
- Growing up, I was
horrible at taking tests.
3
00:00:10,199 --> 00:00:12,633
If it was pass-fail,
I failed to pass.
4
00:00:12,634 --> 00:00:15,069
But there was one
test I couldn't fail--
5
00:00:15,070 --> 00:00:16,837
the career test.
6
00:00:16,838 --> 00:00:17,938
- CEO.
7
00:00:17,939 --> 00:00:18,939
- Tap dancer.
8
00:00:18,940 --> 00:00:20,908
[feet tapping]
9
00:00:20,909 --> 00:00:24,044
- Virgin corpse in urban pond.
10
00:00:24,045 --> 00:00:25,546
How does this test
know I'm a virgin?
11
00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:27,848
- It's not like these
results are binding.
12
00:00:27,849 --> 00:00:30,118
Dispensable army private.
13
00:00:30,119 --> 00:00:32,886
- Future Private Greg Wuliger,
14
00:00:32,887 --> 00:00:34,722
I'm going to whip
your pasty ass.
15
00:00:34,723 --> 00:00:35,756
Come with me.
16
00:00:35,757 --> 00:00:37,425
- I am so in there.
17
00:00:37,426 --> 00:00:38,726
[chuckles]
18
00:00:38,727 --> 00:00:40,428
- Entrepreneur.
19
00:00:40,429 --> 00:00:41,795
All right.
20
00:00:41,796 --> 00:00:43,531
- He was already making
a fortune renting
21
00:00:43,532 --> 00:00:45,933
out tapes of everything
from pay-per-view
22
00:00:45,934 --> 00:00:47,801
fights to adult videos.
23
00:00:47,802 --> 00:00:50,171
If the test was
right about Caruso,
24
00:00:50,172 --> 00:00:52,173
was it right about me, too?
25
00:00:52,174 --> 00:00:54,908
- You got any
Nancy Reagan movies,
26
00:00:54,909 --> 00:00:56,477
if you know what I mean?
27
00:00:56,478 --> 00:00:57,611
Huh?
28
00:00:57,612 --> 00:00:59,180
- [sighs]
29
00:00:59,181 --> 00:01:02,183
[upbeat hip-hop music]
30
00:01:02,184 --> 00:01:05,886
- My mom had spent months
trying to get laid off
31
00:01:05,887 --> 00:01:08,289
for severance,
but nothing was working
32
00:01:08,290 --> 00:01:10,724
to help her stop working.
33
00:01:10,725 --> 00:01:12,193
[cheers and applause]
34
00:01:12,194 --> 00:01:14,762
♪ ♪
35
00:01:14,763 --> 00:01:18,032
- Oh, these white
people and their cakes.
36
00:01:18,167 --> 00:01:20,000
I got to shred something.
37
00:01:20,001 --> 00:01:21,269
[shredder whirring]
38
00:01:21,270 --> 00:01:22,770
Ah, that's better.
39
00:01:22,771 --> 00:01:25,306
[shredder whirring]
40
00:01:25,307 --> 00:01:28,209
- Is this what
everybody's paid?
41
00:01:28,210 --> 00:01:29,910
Why is everybody
making more than me?
42
00:01:29,911 --> 00:01:34,382
- 30 cents less for being a
woman and $2 for being Black.
43
00:01:34,383 --> 00:01:37,618
I wanted to prove my
career test wrong,
44
00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:40,188
so I was looking
for any help I could get.
45
00:01:40,189 --> 00:01:42,190
- Hi, I'm Jody Devry.
46
00:01:42,191 --> 00:01:44,325
Are you tired of feeling lost?
47
00:01:44,326 --> 00:01:45,726
both: Yes.
48
00:01:45,727 --> 00:01:47,795
- Are you tired
of feeling confused?
49
00:01:47,796 --> 00:01:49,230
- Yes.
50
00:01:49,231 --> 00:01:51,065
- All it takes to find
your purpose in life
51
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,701
is a mere $19.95.
52
00:01:53,702 --> 00:01:54,735
- Dad--
53
00:01:54,736 --> 00:01:55,969
both: I need $19.95.
54
00:01:55,970 --> 00:01:57,438
- No.
55
00:01:57,439 --> 00:01:58,772
- $19.95 wouldn't fix
your life anyway, Chris.
56
00:01:58,773 --> 00:02:00,708
- I'd pay $19.95
for you to shut up.
57
00:02:00,709 --> 00:02:02,510
- People love listening to me.
58
00:02:02,511 --> 00:02:05,213
That's why they cast me as
the understudy for Dorothy
59
00:02:05,214 --> 00:02:09,250
in Lamont Sanford Junior High's
production of "The Wiz."
60
00:02:09,251 --> 00:02:11,519
- My sister, an understudy.
61
00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:16,490
- [gasps] Daddy,
you got a VCR for a VIP?
62
00:02:16,491 --> 00:02:17,958
You shouldn't have.
63
00:02:17,959 --> 00:02:19,560
- Sorry, baby.
64
00:02:19,561 --> 00:02:21,095
No, this is a gift for your
grandfather's birthday.
65
00:02:21,230 --> 00:02:22,062
[knock on door]
66
00:02:22,063 --> 00:02:25,032
- Aw.
67
00:02:25,033 --> 00:02:26,234
[together]
Hey, Uncle Louis.
68
00:02:26,235 --> 00:02:27,901
- You're back in town again.
69
00:02:27,902 --> 00:02:29,370
- So soon.
70
00:02:29,371 --> 00:02:31,839
- Well, duty called,
and I said hello duty.
71
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,707
And duty said,
would you like to pick up
72
00:02:33,708 --> 00:02:35,343
a second job as a
third-string chiropractor
73
00:02:35,344 --> 00:02:36,510
for the New York Giants?
74
00:02:36,511 --> 00:02:38,312
And I said yes.
75
00:02:38,313 --> 00:02:39,647
- Two jobs.
76
00:02:39,648 --> 00:02:41,048
Copycat.
77
00:02:41,049 --> 00:02:43,751
- Well, my two jobs pay well,
so it's different.
78
00:02:43,752 --> 00:02:45,419
Ooh, is that a present
for our daddy?
79
00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:46,954
I hate to be the
bearer of bad news,
80
00:02:46,955 --> 00:02:50,824
but I got him an entertainment
system with a VCR.
81
00:02:50,825 --> 00:02:53,427
Well, he could still use
yours as a doorstop, though.
82
00:02:53,428 --> 00:02:57,266
- Oh, no, this isn't for Daddy.
83
00:02:57,266 --> 00:02:59,533
This is for my kids.
84
00:02:59,534 --> 00:03:02,271
- But you said that
we didn't have enough--
85
00:03:02,271 --> 00:03:04,138
- Let this play out.
86
00:03:04,273 --> 00:03:05,139
- [grunting]
87
00:03:05,274 --> 00:03:06,275
- Dad.
88
00:03:06,275 --> 00:03:07,908
- Oh, they're so great.
89
00:03:07,909 --> 00:03:08,909
- [grumbling]
90
00:03:08,910 --> 00:03:09,877
- Aw.
91
00:03:09,878 --> 00:03:10,744
[grunts]
92
00:03:10,745 --> 00:03:12,613
- Can't return that now.
93
00:03:12,614 --> 00:03:16,450
- Oh! I'm going to tape
every single musical on PBS.
94
00:03:16,451 --> 00:03:17,618
- No musicals.
95
00:03:17,619 --> 00:03:18,986
They're so unrealistic.
96
00:03:18,987 --> 00:03:20,921
People never break
into song like that.
97
00:03:20,922 --> 00:03:23,724
- Characters break into song
because their emotions run so
98
00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:25,426
high that words aren't enough.
99
00:03:25,427 --> 00:03:31,399
♪ Like when your
brother is so annoying ♪
100
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,000
- What did you get Daddy, then?
101
00:03:33,001 --> 00:03:35,436
- Oh, I got him
something so amazing.
102
00:03:35,437 --> 00:03:39,207
[chuckles]
♪ Wait till you see it ♪
103
00:03:39,308 --> 00:03:40,608
[sighs]
104
00:03:40,609 --> 00:03:42,676
[bell rings]
105
00:03:42,677 --> 00:03:46,046
[sneaky music]
106
00:03:46,047 --> 00:03:47,748
- Thanks for getting
the tape for me.
107
00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:49,317
Caruso would have
just flicked my nuts
108
00:03:49,318 --> 00:03:50,851
while calling me the N-word.
109
00:03:50,852 --> 00:03:52,320
- He actually asked me
to do that on his behalf,
110
00:03:52,321 --> 00:03:53,687
but I'm not gonna.
111
00:03:53,688 --> 00:03:55,088
- I appreciate it.
112
00:03:55,089 --> 00:03:57,725
Wait, this isn't
a Jody Devry video.
113
00:03:57,726 --> 00:03:59,993
What's "Urethral Weapon"?
114
00:03:59,994 --> 00:04:02,530
- Yeah, Caruso doesn't have a
self-help tape in his locker,
115
00:04:02,531 --> 00:04:03,597
so I rented a porno.
116
00:04:03,598 --> 00:04:05,132
- What?
117
00:04:05,133 --> 00:04:08,569
- Look, I know I keep saying
I'm so in there, but I--
118
00:04:08,570 --> 00:04:10,671
I don't know how
to get in there.
119
00:04:10,672 --> 00:04:12,340
And I got to know
before I ship out
120
00:04:12,341 --> 00:04:14,107
and international babes
are throwing themselves
121
00:04:14,108 --> 00:04:15,743
at me at every port.
122
00:04:15,744 --> 00:04:17,645
- You should have asked me
before spending my money.
123
00:04:17,646 --> 00:04:18,812
- I did you a favor.
124
00:04:18,813 --> 00:04:20,113
You got to prove
your career test wrong
125
00:04:20,114 --> 00:04:22,350
by learning how to bone.
126
00:04:22,351 --> 00:04:24,117
- I guess you're right.
127
00:04:24,118 --> 00:04:26,820
What's the point of even having
a future if I'm a virgin?
128
00:04:26,821 --> 00:04:28,489
- Did you flick his nuts?
129
00:04:28,490 --> 00:04:29,623
- Of course.
130
00:04:29,624 --> 00:04:31,525
I very much did that.
131
00:04:31,526 --> 00:04:33,193
- [groaning]
132
00:04:33,194 --> 00:04:36,464
- If the tape's not returned
rewound in mint condition
133
00:04:36,465 --> 00:04:40,468
in exactly 12 hours,
I'll make you a virgin corpse
134
00:04:40,469 --> 00:04:42,636
in an urban pond.
135
00:04:42,637 --> 00:04:45,906
[together]
You must pay, or no subway.
136
00:04:45,907 --> 00:04:48,276
Please give us all more money.
137
00:04:48,377 --> 00:04:49,743
- What's all this?
138
00:04:49,744 --> 00:04:52,746
- For too long,
the MTA has disrespected us.
139
00:04:52,747 --> 00:04:55,215
- Augh.
- Sorry, we're on strike.
140
00:04:55,216 --> 00:04:56,550
What do we want?
141
00:04:56,551 --> 00:04:57,851
[together] Better pay.
- When do we want it?
142
00:04:57,852 --> 00:04:58,819
[together]
Now!
143
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:00,087
[bell dings]
144
00:05:00,088 --> 00:05:02,189
- I'm coming for
my equal pay, Tim.
145
00:05:02,190 --> 00:05:03,491
- Who's Tim?
146
00:05:03,492 --> 00:05:05,393
- OK, one more time,
and I'm going to shove
147
00:05:05,394 --> 00:05:08,262
that thing in you sideways.
148
00:05:09,598 --> 00:05:10,698
[sensual saxophone music]
149
00:05:10,699 --> 00:05:13,066
- This is the best
day of my life.
150
00:05:13,067 --> 00:05:15,403
- Shh,
my sister might hear you.
151
00:05:15,404 --> 00:05:18,772
- I'm going to jump off
this building to see
152
00:05:18,773 --> 00:05:21,008
how my boobs flap in the wind.
153
00:05:21,009 --> 00:05:23,076
[both gasp]
- Give me the remote.
154
00:05:23,077 --> 00:05:24,678
- Oh, god.
155
00:05:24,679 --> 00:05:27,214
- Oprah's having El DeBarge's
understudy, Prince, on today.
156
00:05:27,215 --> 00:05:28,616
I want to record it
so I can pick up
157
00:05:28,617 --> 00:05:30,017
some understudying tips.
158
00:05:30,018 --> 00:05:31,652
- No, you can't tape over this.
159
00:05:31,653 --> 00:05:33,053
- Why not?
160
00:05:33,054 --> 00:05:34,788
- Either Caruso
was going to kill me,
161
00:05:34,789 --> 00:05:38,459
or Tonya was going to tell our
parents, and they'd kill me.
162
00:05:38,460 --> 00:05:41,430
Fine.
163
00:05:41,430 --> 00:05:43,731
[cheers and applause]
164
00:05:43,732 --> 00:05:46,099
- Thank you.
165
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,668
- You taped over the movie?
166
00:05:47,669 --> 00:05:49,470
Caruso is going to kill us.
167
00:05:49,471 --> 00:05:51,038
- No, he's not.
168
00:05:51,039 --> 00:05:52,840
We're going to find him a
replacement for that tape.
169
00:05:52,841 --> 00:05:54,608
I refuse to end up
a virgin corpse.
170
00:05:54,609 --> 00:05:55,976
- You won't.
171
00:05:55,977 --> 00:05:57,911
I promise that if
Caruso kills you,
172
00:05:57,912 --> 00:06:01,281
I'll hire someone to
have sex with your body.
173
00:06:01,282 --> 00:06:02,550
- I got furs.
174
00:06:02,551 --> 00:06:04,352
Can't even tell
they're made of possum.
175
00:06:04,453 --> 00:06:07,821
- Hey, do you have
anything risqué?
176
00:06:07,822 --> 00:06:09,156
- Oh, my cousin, Risqué?
177
00:06:09,157 --> 00:06:10,891
He works in Little France.
178
00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:12,626
- I got brie fromage.
179
00:06:12,627 --> 00:06:16,730
Can't even tell it's made
from the milk of the possum.
180
00:06:16,731 --> 00:06:19,199
- No, something risqué.
181
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:22,102
Visual medium in the
adult consumer arena.
182
00:06:22,103 --> 00:06:24,204
- Bitch, are you trying to
set me up with this cop?
183
00:06:24,205 --> 00:06:25,373
- I'm not a cop.
184
00:06:25,474 --> 00:06:27,107
- Mm-hmm, that's what
a cop would say.
185
00:06:27,108 --> 00:06:29,176
- Th-- this is my friend,
Greg, and we're looking
186
00:06:29,177 --> 00:06:33,213
for erotic depictions of
other reproductive functions.
187
00:06:33,214 --> 00:06:34,915
- Are you a cop?
- Porn, man.
188
00:06:34,916 --> 00:06:36,384
We're looking for porn.
189
00:06:36,485 --> 00:06:38,819
- Oh, why didn't you
say so, youngblood?
190
00:06:38,820 --> 00:06:40,588
I got "Black Girl
Sitting on the Toilet
191
00:06:40,589 --> 00:06:44,525
Volume 2," "Black Girl Sitting
on the Toilet Volume 3."
192
00:06:44,526 --> 00:06:46,894
- We're looking for
"Urethral Weapon."
193
00:06:46,895 --> 00:06:48,529
- And we want a
military discount.
194
00:06:48,530 --> 00:06:50,598
- "Urethral Weapon"?
195
00:06:50,599 --> 00:06:54,835
Well, I don't watch Caucasian
adult cinema, but if I did,
196
00:06:54,836 --> 00:06:56,404
I might head over
to Times Square,
197
00:06:56,505 --> 00:06:58,906
and I might find
the video store on 46th,
198
00:06:58,907 --> 00:07:00,908
and I might go behind
the curtain and check
199
00:07:00,909 --> 00:07:02,242
out the shelf on the right.
200
00:07:02,243 --> 00:07:04,778
But naked white
people are not for me.
201
00:07:04,779 --> 00:07:07,114
[chuckles] You know the
ancestors be judging.
202
00:07:07,115 --> 00:07:10,418
- If I don't get this
tape, I'll be an ancestor.
203
00:07:10,519 --> 00:07:11,952
Thanks, Risky.
204
00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:14,955
See, we'll get the movie and
my family won't find out I--
205
00:07:14,956 --> 00:07:15,989
hide.
206
00:07:15,990 --> 00:07:18,559
Hide.
Hide.
207
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,094
- Hey, Risky, I need a
birthday present for my father.
208
00:07:21,095 --> 00:07:22,730
- Don't worry, I got you.
209
00:07:22,731 --> 00:07:23,997
Pack of Virginia Slims.
210
00:07:23,998 --> 00:07:25,566
Bottle of Brown Royale?
211
00:07:25,567 --> 00:07:27,200
Pair of Air Gordons?
212
00:07:27,201 --> 00:07:28,936
- No, no, no,
it's got to be better
213
00:07:28,937 --> 00:07:33,941
than a brand-new entertainment
center and cost less than $8.
214
00:07:33,942 --> 00:07:36,176
- But you've got more
than $8 in there.
215
00:07:36,177 --> 00:07:38,846
- No, that's the gas money
to go to South Carolina
216
00:07:38,847 --> 00:07:40,414
for my dad's birthday.
217
00:07:40,549 --> 00:07:42,015
- Better than a brand-new
entertainment center,
218
00:07:42,016 --> 00:07:45,185
but less than $8.
219
00:07:45,186 --> 00:07:47,120
Ah, I think I've
got just the thing.
220
00:07:47,121 --> 00:07:48,155
- Is it crack?
221
00:07:48,156 --> 00:07:49,457
- It's crack, yeah.
222
00:07:49,558 --> 00:07:50,724
- [grumbling]
223
00:07:50,725 --> 00:07:52,560
- Yo, Risky,
let me put 20 on the Giants
224
00:07:52,561 --> 00:07:55,028
missing an extra point
in the first quarter tonight.
225
00:07:55,029 --> 00:07:56,229
- You can bet on that?
226
00:07:56,230 --> 00:07:57,631
- Oh, you can bet on anything.
227
00:07:57,632 --> 00:07:59,633
- I got a good feeling.
228
00:07:59,634 --> 00:08:02,035
- My father had
more than a feeling.
229
00:08:02,036 --> 00:08:04,605
He knew someone
with inside info.
230
00:08:04,606 --> 00:08:07,074
Unfortunately,
it was his brother.
231
00:08:07,075 --> 00:08:09,811
- To confirm,
that was a no on crack?
232
00:08:12,847 --> 00:08:14,582
- Everybody, listen up.
233
00:08:14,583 --> 00:08:16,651
We need to unionize.
234
00:08:17,852 --> 00:08:22,322
[indistinct chatter]
235
00:08:22,323 --> 00:08:24,593
You can't tell me
you enjoy working here.
236
00:08:24,593 --> 00:08:25,659
- I do.
237
00:08:25,660 --> 00:08:27,394
We get cake all the time.
238
00:08:27,395 --> 00:08:31,131
- I know for a fact that cake
riles up your IBS, Martha.
239
00:08:31,132 --> 00:08:32,800
- No, it doesn't.
240
00:08:32,801 --> 00:08:34,968
- I mean, isn't it some B.S.
that you got to clock out
241
00:08:34,969 --> 00:08:38,138
for your extra-long bathroom
breaks when they the ones
242
00:08:38,139 --> 00:08:39,239
making you eat cake?
243
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,674
- It is B.S.
244
00:08:40,675 --> 00:08:43,811
- What do you want, Paul,
besides better dental?
245
00:08:43,812 --> 00:08:44,878
- What do you mean?
246
00:08:44,879 --> 00:08:47,615
Our dental is fantastic.
247
00:08:47,616 --> 00:08:51,451
What I want is to never
wear shoes at work again.
248
00:08:51,452 --> 00:08:52,986
- Yes.
249
00:08:52,987 --> 00:08:54,922
Good.
250
00:08:54,923 --> 00:08:56,223
Come on, people.
251
00:08:56,224 --> 00:08:57,791
Think outside the cubicle.
252
00:08:57,792 --> 00:09:00,393
What do you really
want from this job?
253
00:09:00,394 --> 00:09:03,263
- I want to make more
than $25 an hour.
254
00:09:03,264 --> 00:09:07,935
- Yes, you do deserve
to make twice what I do.
255
00:09:07,936 --> 00:09:11,905
We all deserve more than
this company gives us.
256
00:09:11,906 --> 00:09:13,306
So are you ready to strike?
257
00:09:13,307 --> 00:09:14,274
[together]
Yes!
258
00:09:14,275 --> 00:09:15,543
- Eh, sure.
259
00:09:15,644 --> 00:09:17,878
- Ooh,
I'll go buy a strike cake.
260
00:09:17,879 --> 00:09:20,080
- No, Martha, your IBS.
261
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:23,316
- Damn my gut health.
262
00:09:23,317 --> 00:09:25,654
- Julius,
what are you doing here?
263
00:09:25,654 --> 00:09:27,120
- I can't let my
little bro come to town
264
00:09:27,121 --> 00:09:28,188
and not hang with him.
265
00:09:28,189 --> 00:09:29,256
- Well, you do it
every other time.
266
00:09:29,257 --> 00:09:31,091
- Well, not this time.
267
00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:32,960
Is this your room
or the damn lobby?
268
00:09:32,961 --> 00:09:35,195
- I guess they give you free
upgrades when you're a doctor.
269
00:09:35,196 --> 00:09:36,530
- And what do they
give chiropractors?
270
00:09:36,665 --> 00:09:39,432
[chuckles]
No, I'm just playing.
271
00:09:39,433 --> 00:09:41,034
Good for you, man.
272
00:09:41,035 --> 00:09:43,070
Tell me about the Giants gig.
273
00:09:43,071 --> 00:09:45,706
And be very specific.
274
00:09:45,707 --> 00:09:47,741
- Having two jobs
is exhausting.
275
00:09:47,742 --> 00:09:50,443
- [chuckles]
Tell me about it.
276
00:09:50,444 --> 00:09:53,547
Now, really, tell me about it.
277
00:09:53,682 --> 00:09:54,815
- I don't know how you do it.
278
00:09:54,816 --> 00:09:57,250
Do you have any
tricks or anything?
279
00:09:57,251 --> 00:09:58,586
- Take a nap
at every red light.
280
00:09:58,687 --> 00:10:00,287
People will honk
when it's time to go.
281
00:10:00,288 --> 00:10:01,855
Free alarm clock.
282
00:10:01,856 --> 00:10:04,491
- I wish I could nap,
but there's no red lights
283
00:10:04,492 --> 00:10:05,558
on Jim Burt's back.
284
00:10:05,559 --> 00:10:08,696
- Oh, Jim Burt's injured, huh?
285
00:10:08,697 --> 00:10:11,431
- Yeah, he threw out
his C7 at practice.
286
00:10:11,432 --> 00:10:13,867
Oh, sorry, C7 is the
seventh vertebrae
287
00:10:13,868 --> 00:10:15,235
in the cervical spine.
288
00:10:15,236 --> 00:10:17,104
- Guess he's not
starting tonight, then.
289
00:10:17,105 --> 00:10:18,806
- Well,
he will if I can fix him.
290
00:10:18,807 --> 00:10:20,774
Honestly, I didn't
expect to work on a star.
291
00:10:20,775 --> 00:10:22,710
But the first and
second-string chiros
292
00:10:22,711 --> 00:10:25,045
got injured in a bar fight
with an acupuncturist,
293
00:10:25,046 --> 00:10:26,714
so it's all on me.
294
00:10:26,715 --> 00:10:28,448
You think I can do it, Julius?
295
00:10:28,449 --> 00:10:29,817
- Louis, look at me.
296
00:10:29,818 --> 00:10:31,184
You got this, OK?
297
00:10:31,185 --> 00:10:32,886
You're going to fix him.
298
00:10:32,887 --> 00:10:36,023
- My dad wanted to bet on
his brother fixing that back,
299
00:10:36,024 --> 00:10:38,992
but he also knew for
damn sure that Louis
300
00:10:38,993 --> 00:10:41,895
wasn't a real doctor.
301
00:10:41,896 --> 00:10:43,330
Tape's due in four hours.
302
00:10:43,331 --> 00:10:44,431
We got to get a cab.
303
00:10:44,432 --> 00:10:46,399
How much you got?
304
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:49,937
- $5.63,
my inhaler, and a photo
305
00:10:49,938 --> 00:10:51,705
of my mom with her
prison girlfriend.
306
00:10:51,706 --> 00:10:55,343
- Let's see how many
blocks all that gets us.
307
00:10:56,745 --> 00:10:58,912
Oh, man, We'll never get a cab.
308
00:10:58,913 --> 00:11:00,247
- Got one.
309
00:11:00,248 --> 00:11:02,850
- I'll take you,
but not your friend.
310
00:11:02,851 --> 00:11:04,484
- Um...
311
00:11:04,485 --> 00:11:06,286
- Greg.
- I shouldn't leave him.
312
00:11:06,287 --> 00:11:08,622
- Greg.
- Fine.
313
00:11:08,757 --> 00:11:11,091
There's no way we're getting
that tape to Caruso on time.
314
00:11:11,092 --> 00:11:13,526
We should call it.
Want to get some pizza?
315
00:11:13,527 --> 00:11:15,996
- Greg was white, so he could
give up whenever he wanted,
316
00:11:15,997 --> 00:11:17,631
but I couldn't.
317
00:11:17,766 --> 00:11:19,933
No, we're in New York City.
318
00:11:19,934 --> 00:11:21,301
Anything's possible here.
319
00:11:21,302 --> 00:11:24,037
We just need a miracle.
320
00:11:24,038 --> 00:11:26,775
And here it is.
321
00:11:26,775 --> 00:11:30,678
[upbeat funky music]
322
00:11:30,779 --> 00:11:32,445
Hold on tight, Greg.
323
00:11:32,446 --> 00:11:34,882
There's no stopping us now.
324
00:11:34,883 --> 00:11:37,085
♪ ♪
325
00:11:39,353 --> 00:11:41,188
I mean now.
326
00:11:41,189 --> 00:11:42,957
♪ ♪
327
00:11:44,358 --> 00:11:46,026
I mean now.
328
00:11:46,027 --> 00:11:47,561
♪ ♪
329
00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:50,197
I mean now.
330
00:11:50,198 --> 00:11:54,267
all: If you want us to work,
stop being such a jerk.
331
00:11:54,268 --> 00:11:56,369
- Thank y'all so
much for helping.
332
00:11:56,370 --> 00:11:57,671
Where'd you get
all these people?
333
00:11:57,806 --> 00:11:59,807
- Oh, I didn't get them.
334
00:11:59,808 --> 00:12:01,074
They just follow me everywhere.
335
00:12:01,075 --> 00:12:02,109
- We do.
336
00:12:02,110 --> 00:12:03,443
- It's an honor.
337
00:12:03,444 --> 00:12:05,512
- Yep, time to
bullhorn at the man.
338
00:12:05,513 --> 00:12:10,183
You cowards up there in your
ivory tower, you can't deny us.
339
00:12:10,184 --> 00:12:11,318
What do we want?
340
00:12:11,319 --> 00:12:12,452
- $50 an hour.
- No shoes.
341
00:12:12,453 --> 00:12:14,654
- Drew!
- Paid bathroom breaks.
342
00:12:14,655 --> 00:12:15,824
- When do we want it?
- Now!
343
00:12:15,824 --> 00:12:16,924
- Always.
- Tonight.
344
00:12:16,925 --> 00:12:18,458
- Whenever.
345
00:12:18,459 --> 00:12:20,227
- And if my mama ever can't
make the picket, I'll be her
346
00:12:20,228 --> 00:12:23,697
♪ Understudy
and take her place ♪
347
00:12:23,832 --> 00:12:25,132
- Huh?
- Excuse me?
348
00:12:25,133 --> 00:12:26,499
- Understudy?
349
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:28,201
- All right, Rochelle,
that's enough.
350
00:12:28,202 --> 00:12:29,236
Come upstairs.
351
00:12:29,237 --> 00:12:30,838
We're willing to talk.
352
00:12:30,839 --> 00:12:33,506
- Ha, we've got 'em
right where we want 'em.
353
00:12:33,507 --> 00:12:36,877
[cheers and applause]
354
00:12:36,878 --> 00:12:40,380
Wait, I just-- come on.
355
00:12:40,381 --> 00:12:42,349
- The Giants' lineup
is looking strong tonight.
356
00:12:42,350 --> 00:12:45,152
Thanks to the heroic efforts of
the third-string chiropractor,
357
00:12:45,153 --> 00:12:47,454
Jim Burt will be starting
at defensive tackle.
358
00:12:47,455 --> 00:12:48,455
- Damn it.
359
00:12:48,456 --> 00:12:49,522
Crap, crap, crap.
360
00:12:49,523 --> 00:12:52,459
[doorbell rings]
361
00:12:52,460 --> 00:12:54,694
Hey, Risky.
362
00:12:54,695 --> 00:12:56,730
Is there any way I can owe you?
363
00:12:56,865 --> 00:12:58,932
I need that money to go
to my daddy's birthday.
364
00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:02,770
- Then you shouldn't have bet
that Jim Burt wouldn't start.
365
00:13:02,871 --> 00:13:04,873
- You bet Jim Burt
wouldn't start?
366
00:13:04,873 --> 00:13:05,874
- Go, go, go, go, go.
367
00:13:05,874 --> 00:13:06,974
Move, move, move, move.
368
00:13:06,975 --> 00:13:08,942
Hey, what are you doing here?
369
00:13:08,943 --> 00:13:12,312
- I had a success at work
and thought my brother would
370
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:13,781
want to celebrate with me.
371
00:13:13,882 --> 00:13:15,884
I didn't expect him to
stab me in the back.
372
00:13:15,884 --> 00:13:17,885
The back of a
chiropractor, no less.
373
00:13:17,886 --> 00:13:19,419
- Oh, it's not what you think.
374
00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:20,720
- You bet against me.
375
00:13:20,721 --> 00:13:23,757
You bet that I
couldn't do my job.
376
00:13:23,892 --> 00:13:25,625
- OK, it is what you think.
377
00:13:25,626 --> 00:13:27,094
But I only did it
because I wanted
378
00:13:27,095 --> 00:13:29,062
to get Elder Leroy
a birthday present
379
00:13:29,063 --> 00:13:30,363
that could compete with yours.
380
00:13:30,364 --> 00:13:31,731
- Good luck.
381
00:13:31,732 --> 00:13:33,801
The entertainment
system is amazing.
382
00:13:33,902 --> 00:13:35,235
- Yeah, I know.
383
00:13:35,236 --> 00:13:37,905
It's just everything
comes so easy to you.
384
00:13:37,906 --> 00:13:40,473
And I have to work
so hard for everything.
385
00:13:40,474 --> 00:13:41,910
But it's no excuse.
386
00:13:41,910 --> 00:13:43,743
I'm sorry I bet against you.
387
00:13:43,744 --> 00:13:46,179
- I'm sorry, too,
that you're such
388
00:13:46,180 --> 00:13:49,316
a loser you can't even afford
to go to Daddy's birthday.
389
00:13:49,317 --> 00:13:53,821
I'll call you and tell you all
about it from my car phone.
390
00:13:53,922 --> 00:13:55,688
Oh, and keep the wine.
391
00:13:55,689 --> 00:14:00,929
Wine is like grape juice
but for rich people.
392
00:14:03,364 --> 00:14:04,932
[funky music]
393
00:14:04,933 --> 00:14:06,934
- Times Square
was different in the '80s.
394
00:14:06,935 --> 00:14:09,736
Back then, the M&M
store was the S&M store,
395
00:14:09,737 --> 00:14:15,275
and the Hard Rock Cafe was--
well, I can't say that here.
396
00:14:15,276 --> 00:14:17,310
Look, there it is.
397
00:14:17,311 --> 00:14:19,046
We only have one
hour to get the movie
398
00:14:19,047 --> 00:14:21,481
and bring you back to Caruso.
399
00:14:21,482 --> 00:14:24,284
[indistinct chatter]
400
00:14:24,285 --> 00:14:25,385
- Look at this.
401
00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:26,753
We'll never get
the tape in time.
402
00:14:26,754 --> 00:14:28,421
Are you ready to call it now?
403
00:14:28,422 --> 00:14:32,860
- No, I'm not going to be a
virgin corpse in an urban pond.
404
00:14:32,961 --> 00:14:36,129
We are getting that tape.
405
00:14:36,130 --> 00:14:40,367
I-- I've never felt so strongly
about anything in my life.
406
00:14:40,368 --> 00:14:41,501
How do I express these
407
00:14:41,502 --> 00:14:45,005
♪ Emotions? ♪
408
00:14:45,006 --> 00:14:46,539
Damn it, Tonya was right.
409
00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:47,574
[synth-pop music]
410
00:14:47,575 --> 00:14:49,776
- ♪ Not me ♪
411
00:14:49,777 --> 00:14:53,580
♪ Not my dead body ♪
412
00:14:53,581 --> 00:14:56,483
♪ Won't be my body ♪
413
00:14:56,484 --> 00:15:00,788
♪ No, it won't be me
that they find ♪
414
00:15:00,989 --> 00:15:02,322
♪ In a lake or in a wetland ♪
415
00:15:02,323 --> 00:15:04,157
♪ In a place where
fish do sexin' ♪
416
00:15:04,158 --> 00:15:06,226
♪ When an angel sees
my soul emerging ♪
417
00:15:06,227 --> 00:15:08,028
♪ But this body
won't be virgin ♪
418
00:15:08,029 --> 00:15:10,263
♪ Not me ♪
419
00:15:10,264 --> 00:15:13,533
♪ Not my dead body ♪
420
00:15:13,534 --> 00:15:15,068
♪ Let's turn it on ♪
421
00:15:15,069 --> 00:15:17,204
♪ Because I'm going to be
a pest guy or this guy ♪
422
00:15:17,205 --> 00:15:20,240
♪ At best I'll be selling
VCRs or moldy beef ♪
423
00:15:20,241 --> 00:15:21,408
- ♪ Where's my meat ♪
424
00:15:21,409 --> 00:15:22,542
- ♪ A paparazzi with a flash ♪
425
00:15:22,543 --> 00:15:23,576
- ♪ Flash ♪
426
00:15:23,577 --> 00:15:24,711
- ♪ A DJ with a 'stache ♪
427
00:15:24,712 --> 00:15:26,479
- ♪ 'Stache ♪
428
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:27,680
- ♪ Or managing a strip club
where I also have a 'stache ♪
429
00:15:27,681 --> 00:15:28,715
- ♪ Double 'stache ♪
430
00:15:28,716 --> 00:15:30,018
- ♪ Not me ♪
431
00:15:30,018 --> 00:15:31,118
- ♪ Woof ♪
432
00:15:31,119 --> 00:15:33,753
- ♪ Not my dead body ♪
433
00:15:33,754 --> 00:15:35,022
♪ Gonna work at Red lobster ♪
434
00:15:35,023 --> 00:15:36,589
♪ Won't be my body ♪
435
00:15:36,590 --> 00:15:38,025
♪ He-he-he-he ♪
436
00:15:38,026 --> 00:15:41,895
♪ No, it won't be
me that they find ♪
437
00:15:42,030 --> 00:15:43,630
♪ Won't be drowning in a 40 ♪
438
00:15:43,631 --> 00:15:46,033
♪ Or floating towards
the lordy When it comes ♪
439
00:15:46,034 --> 00:15:47,467
♪ My time to draw the curtain ♪
440
00:15:47,468 --> 00:15:49,102
♪ Won't be near no
pond that's urban ♪
441
00:15:49,103 --> 00:15:51,738
♪ Not me ♪
442
00:15:51,739 --> 00:15:55,142
♪ Not my dead body ♪
443
00:15:55,143 --> 00:15:58,112
There's the curtain.
444
00:15:59,147 --> 00:16:02,049
[funky music]
445
00:16:02,050 --> 00:16:03,716
Greg, look.
446
00:16:03,717 --> 00:16:06,954
The tape's exactly where
Risky said it'd be.
447
00:16:07,055 --> 00:16:08,488
- Hey, Chris?
448
00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:09,522
- We did it.
449
00:16:09,523 --> 00:16:11,524
We actually did it.
450
00:16:11,525 --> 00:16:12,559
Screw that test.
451
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:13,526
I'm not going to die.
452
00:16:13,527 --> 00:16:16,063
I'm going to have sex one day.
453
00:16:16,064 --> 00:16:18,065
I'm in charge
of my own destiny.
454
00:16:18,066 --> 00:16:19,933
- Chris, I think I was robbed.
455
00:16:20,068 --> 00:16:20,900
- What?
456
00:16:20,901 --> 00:16:22,235
Oh, god.
457
00:16:22,236 --> 00:16:23,836
How did we get robbed
in Times Square?
458
00:16:23,837 --> 00:16:26,074
[bell jingles]
459
00:16:27,341 --> 00:16:30,443
[synth-pop music]
460
00:16:30,444 --> 00:16:37,451
♪ ♪
461
00:16:39,087 --> 00:16:42,090
- This is the worst
day of my life.
462
00:16:42,090 --> 00:16:43,656
- At least you're
going to have a life.
463
00:16:43,657 --> 00:16:46,593
The tape's due
back in 47 minutes.
464
00:16:46,594 --> 00:16:47,727
And we have nothing.
465
00:16:47,728 --> 00:16:49,862
Risky, you got to help us.
466
00:16:49,863 --> 00:16:51,898
- No, it is moi, Risqué.
467
00:16:51,899 --> 00:16:57,370
Everyone knows Risky
doesn't watch ze white porn.
468
00:16:57,371 --> 00:17:01,241
[upbeat funky music]
469
00:17:01,242 --> 00:17:03,543
- OK, Rochelle, let's talk.
470
00:17:03,544 --> 00:17:05,378
- The only way we're
lowering our signs
471
00:17:05,379 --> 00:17:06,913
is if you raise our salaries.
472
00:17:06,914 --> 00:17:07,947
- Rochelle--
473
00:17:07,948 --> 00:17:09,682
- Don't you Rochelle me.
474
00:17:09,683 --> 00:17:12,652
You shut us out and shut
us up for long enough.
475
00:17:12,653 --> 00:17:13,987
It's time for us--
476
00:17:14,122 --> 00:17:15,822
- Rochelle, we've heard
you loud and clear,
477
00:17:15,823 --> 00:17:19,826
and we're prepared to offer you
a generous severance package.
478
00:17:19,827 --> 00:17:21,661
- You what now?
479
00:17:21,662 --> 00:17:23,363
- Well, how'd it go?
480
00:17:23,364 --> 00:17:25,698
- I went in there, and you
know what those pricks did?
481
00:17:25,699 --> 00:17:27,900
They offered me
severance to walk away.
482
00:17:27,901 --> 00:17:29,436
[all gasp]
483
00:17:29,437 --> 00:17:31,338
Two months of pay and
health care for my family.
484
00:17:31,339 --> 00:17:32,872
And what do you think I said?
485
00:17:32,873 --> 00:17:33,940
all: No!
486
00:17:33,941 --> 00:17:35,208
- That's right.
487
00:17:35,209 --> 00:17:36,909
And then they offered
me three months.
488
00:17:36,910 --> 00:17:38,811
And what do you think I said?
489
00:17:38,812 --> 00:17:39,879
all: No!
490
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,281
- I said no.
491
00:17:41,282 --> 00:17:44,217
And then they offered
me six months.
492
00:17:44,218 --> 00:17:45,885
And do you know what I said?
493
00:17:45,886 --> 00:17:47,487
all: No!
494
00:17:47,488 --> 00:17:49,756
- Oh, I said yes, because
that's a really good deal.
495
00:17:49,757 --> 00:17:51,891
I got three kids and
an overworked husband.
496
00:17:51,892 --> 00:17:54,994
But y'all got to keep on
fighting the good fight.
497
00:17:54,995 --> 00:17:56,229
- You go, girl.
498
00:17:56,230 --> 00:17:57,230
Oh, excuse me.
499
00:17:57,231 --> 00:17:58,531
Can I say that?
500
00:17:58,532 --> 00:17:59,666
- We don't have
a leader anymore.
501
00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:01,169
What do we do?
502
00:18:01,169 --> 00:18:02,902
- They need the understudy.
503
00:18:02,903 --> 00:18:04,571
- Damn right they do.
504
00:18:04,572 --> 00:18:07,240
All right,
listen up, you lazy slobs.
505
00:18:07,241 --> 00:18:08,308
Pretty people in the front.
506
00:18:08,309 --> 00:18:10,009
Uggos in the back.
507
00:18:10,010 --> 00:18:11,244
Let's go.
508
00:18:11,245 --> 00:18:12,612
[upbeat funky music]
509
00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:14,714
- Well,
see you on the other side.
510
00:18:14,715 --> 00:18:15,982
- Hoo-ha.
511
00:18:15,983 --> 00:18:18,318
- Cutting it a little
close, aren't you?
512
00:18:18,319 --> 00:18:19,719
Give me the tape.
513
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,855
- Well, we actually,
uh, don't have it.
514
00:18:22,856 --> 00:18:23,856
- You what?
515
00:18:23,857 --> 00:18:25,492
- Uh--
516
00:18:25,493 --> 00:18:29,028
- But we brought you
something better.
517
00:18:29,029 --> 00:18:30,563
- We did?
518
00:18:30,564 --> 00:18:31,764
- It fell out of Risqué's
stack in Times Square.
519
00:18:31,765 --> 00:18:32,965
What?
520
00:18:32,966 --> 00:18:34,201
I don't want my
only friend to die.
521
00:18:34,202 --> 00:18:35,368
- What is this?
522
00:18:35,369 --> 00:18:37,204
- [whispers]
A Black porno.
523
00:18:37,205 --> 00:18:40,507
- These hips don't move
without half my pay up front.
524
00:18:40,508 --> 00:18:42,842
- He can play with my
titties, but I'll be damned
525
00:18:42,843 --> 00:18:43,843
if he play with my money.
526
00:18:43,844 --> 00:18:46,113
[dramatic music]
527
00:18:46,214 --> 00:18:47,947
- OK.
- Wait, really?
528
00:18:47,948 --> 00:18:49,249
- This looks good.
529
00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:50,983
I mean, I'll still
beat you guys,
530
00:18:50,984 --> 00:18:52,419
but I won't hit your faces.
531
00:18:52,420 --> 00:18:53,553
- Could you just beat him?
532
00:18:53,554 --> 00:18:54,887
I don't want to miss boot camp.
533
00:18:54,888 --> 00:18:55,955
- Sure.
534
00:18:55,956 --> 00:18:57,090
- America thanks you, sir.
535
00:18:57,225 --> 00:18:58,091
Sorry, Chris!
536
00:18:58,226 --> 00:18:59,092
[feet tapping]
537
00:18:59,227 --> 00:19:00,260
- Oh, oh, god.
538
00:19:00,261 --> 00:19:01,894
Oh, you flattened my arch.
539
00:19:01,895 --> 00:19:02,930
Damn it.
540
00:19:05,299 --> 00:19:06,266
- [sighs]
541
00:19:06,267 --> 00:19:07,967
- What's going on?
542
00:19:07,968 --> 00:19:10,570
Oprah hasn't asked Prince one
question about El DeBarge.
543
00:19:10,571 --> 00:19:12,272
Tsk, tsk.
- [sighs]
544
00:19:12,273 --> 00:19:14,674
- OK, what's going on, Julius?
545
00:19:14,675 --> 00:19:16,276
- Nothing's going on.
546
00:19:16,277 --> 00:19:18,246
Can't a man huff
and puff when he's happy?
547
00:19:18,246 --> 00:19:23,015
[sighing]
548
00:19:23,016 --> 00:19:24,617
- Baby, what's wrong?
549
00:19:24,618 --> 00:19:26,386
- If I'm Louis's big
brother, how come he's always
550
00:19:26,387 --> 00:19:28,121
making me feel so damn small?
551
00:19:28,256 --> 00:19:31,258
Always rubbing things in my
face, making me feel poor.
552
00:19:31,259 --> 00:19:32,925
- Louis called us poor?
553
00:19:32,926 --> 00:19:35,295
- He implied it,
but he's right.
554
00:19:35,296 --> 00:19:36,863
I gambled our gas money.
555
00:19:36,864 --> 00:19:37,964
- Julius!
556
00:19:37,965 --> 00:19:39,532
- I know,
but I wanted to get Daddy
557
00:19:39,533 --> 00:19:41,268
a better present than Louis.
558
00:19:41,269 --> 00:19:43,771
And now we can't even afford
to drive to South Carolina.
559
00:19:44,772 --> 00:19:47,275
- You sure about that?
560
00:19:47,275 --> 00:19:48,276
- How did you--
561
00:19:48,276 --> 00:19:49,609
- ♪ Severance ♪
562
00:19:49,610 --> 00:19:51,444
I finally did it.
563
00:19:51,445 --> 00:19:52,845
- Mwah!
564
00:19:52,846 --> 00:19:54,947
- Julius, we're going
to South Carolina.
565
00:19:54,948 --> 00:19:58,017
And we're going to buy the best
gift your dad has ever gotten
566
00:19:58,018 --> 00:20:01,521
and rub it right in Louis's
smug, smooth, perfect face.
567
00:20:01,522 --> 00:20:03,290
God, he has nice skin.
568
00:20:03,291 --> 00:20:05,358
- I saw the creams he buys.
569
00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:08,496
[knocks on door]
570
00:20:09,497 --> 00:20:10,597
- Tasha?
571
00:20:10,598 --> 00:20:12,532
- Hey, I heard you got a VCR.
572
00:20:12,533 --> 00:20:13,900
I was wondering
if you could tape
573
00:20:13,901 --> 00:20:15,668
"Saturday Night Live" for me.
574
00:20:15,669 --> 00:20:17,337
- I didn't know
you liked "SNL."
575
00:20:17,338 --> 00:20:18,338
- Are you kidding?
576
00:20:18,339 --> 00:20:19,939
Eddie Murphy's so funny.
577
00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:21,508
- Thank you!
578
00:20:21,509 --> 00:20:25,177
You know, we could watch it
together sometime if you want.
579
00:20:25,178 --> 00:20:26,212
- Sure.
580
00:20:26,213 --> 00:20:27,980
So how was your day?
581
00:20:27,981 --> 00:20:31,318
- I had never gotten a laugh
like this from a girl before,
582
00:20:31,319 --> 00:20:32,985
and it felt amazing.
583
00:20:32,986 --> 00:20:35,322
I started to think
maybe there were
584
00:20:35,323 --> 00:20:38,257
other options for my
future that the career
585
00:20:38,258 --> 00:20:39,692
test hadn't considered.
586
00:20:39,693 --> 00:20:41,628
- Wait, where did Oprah go?
587
00:20:41,629 --> 00:20:44,631
- I'm getting too
sexy for this [bleep].
588
00:20:44,632 --> 00:20:46,032
- Eww!
- What is this?
589
00:20:46,033 --> 00:20:48,100
- Who brought this
filth into our home?
590
00:20:48,101 --> 00:20:49,702
- Chris!
591
00:20:49,703 --> 00:20:54,140
[singers] * Everybody
still hates Chris ♪
592
00:20:54,141 --> 00:20:55,142
[vocalizing]
593
00:21:24,638 --> 00:21:27,207
- ♪ MTV ♪
594
00:21:27,207 --> 00:21:32,207
DOWNLOADED FROM WWW.AWAFIM.TV
595
00:21:27,207 --> 00:21:37,207
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