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1
00:00:04,460 --> 00:00:07,637
[militaristic drum cadence]
2
00:00:07,724 --> 00:00:09,769
- Today nerds are cool,
3
00:00:09,856 --> 00:00:11,771
but in the '80s,
we had a whole class
4
00:00:11,858 --> 00:00:14,905
dedicated to
reminding us we weren't, gym.
5
00:00:14,992 --> 00:00:17,038
[groaning]
6
00:00:17,125 --> 00:00:19,692
- [sniff] I love the smell of
torn underwear in the morning.
7
00:00:19,779 --> 00:00:24,088
- But misery loves company,
and my company was Greg.
8
00:00:24,175 --> 00:00:26,003
I was lucky to have him,
9
00:00:26,090 --> 00:00:29,311
especially because it was the
most miserable time of year,
10
00:00:29,398 --> 00:00:30,703
dodgeball week.
11
00:00:30,790 --> 00:00:33,010
[sighs]
Are you ready for this?
12
00:00:33,097 --> 00:00:34,707
- Here.
I have an extra.
13
00:00:34,794 --> 00:00:36,448
- I don't want
your hand-me-down cup.
14
00:00:36,535 --> 00:00:38,668
- If you don't use one, you'll
need some hand-me-down nuts.
15
00:00:38,755 --> 00:00:41,323
- Dodgeball was five days
of state-sanctioned
16
00:00:41,410 --> 00:00:42,933
child warfare.
17
00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:44,239
It started in PE.
18
00:00:44,326 --> 00:00:45,631
[whistle blows]
19
00:00:45,718 --> 00:00:47,981
Ugh!
[whistle blows]
20
00:00:48,069 --> 00:00:50,027
But it affected
every class in school,
21
00:00:50,114 --> 00:00:53,596
social studies, science.
22
00:00:53,683 --> 00:00:55,641
We weren't even safe
if we were right outside
23
00:00:55,728 --> 00:00:57,034
the principal's office.
24
00:00:57,121 --> 00:00:59,384
Ugh!
Seriously?
25
00:00:59,471 --> 00:01:00,472
Huh?
26
00:01:00,559 --> 00:01:03,519
[mysterious music]
27
00:01:03,606 --> 00:01:05,216
♪ ♪
28
00:01:05,303 --> 00:01:07,088
- Thank you for being a friend.
29
00:01:07,175 --> 00:01:10,003
- Greg, I found a way
for us to dodge dodgeball.
30
00:01:10,091 --> 00:01:11,788
- What is it?
Seducing Principal Morello?
31
00:01:11,875 --> 00:01:13,268
You should do that.
32
00:01:13,355 --> 00:01:14,269
You know she likes
her milk chocolate.
33
00:01:14,356 --> 00:01:15,661
- No, look.
34
00:01:15,748 --> 00:01:17,533
It says if students
start a club
35
00:01:17,620 --> 00:01:20,318
based on physical activity,
they're excused from gym class.
36
00:01:20,405 --> 00:01:21,493
We should start a club.
37
00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:23,104
- You're a friggin' genius!
38
00:01:23,191 --> 00:01:24,279
But we gotta do this soon.
39
00:01:24,366 --> 00:01:25,758
I'm running out of underwear.
40
00:01:25,845 --> 00:01:27,325
- And I'm down to my last pair.
41
00:01:27,412 --> 00:01:28,935
[gasps]
42
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:30,502
And now they're ruined.
43
00:01:30,589 --> 00:01:33,462
[upbeat hip-hop music]
44
00:01:33,549 --> 00:01:35,507
- This rules.
45
00:01:35,594 --> 00:01:37,466
We'll finally have a place
where we can chill and not have
46
00:01:37,553 --> 00:01:38,902
things flying at our heads.
47
00:01:38,989 --> 00:01:41,296
- That's why we have
to fly under the radar.
48
00:01:41,383 --> 00:01:43,080
So let's pick an
activity no one likes.
49
00:01:43,167 --> 00:01:44,168
Tennis?
50
00:01:44,255 --> 00:01:46,736
- No way.
White people love tennis.
51
00:01:46,823 --> 00:01:48,607
It's the only sport
we still dominate.
52
00:01:48,694 --> 00:01:50,218
- Not for long.
53
00:01:50,305 --> 00:01:52,394
- What about Jazzercise?
54
00:01:52,481 --> 00:01:55,745
- No, that'll attract girls,
and girls attract bullies.
55
00:01:55,832 --> 00:01:58,443
But something dance-related
could be good.
56
00:01:58,530 --> 00:02:00,097
What's a dance
white people can't do?
57
00:02:00,184 --> 00:02:01,664
Every one of them.
58
00:02:01,751 --> 00:02:02,752
I got it!
59
00:02:02,839 --> 00:02:04,928
- A breakdancing club.
60
00:02:05,015 --> 00:02:07,409
What a fly idea!
61
00:02:07,496 --> 00:02:09,976
You b-boys be busting
moves like in "Breakin' 2:
62
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,369
Electric Boogaloo."
63
00:02:11,456 --> 00:02:13,241
- Right.
64
00:02:13,328 --> 00:02:16,374
- But darn, you need a third
member to start any club,
65
00:02:16,461 --> 00:02:18,942
and unfortunately,
no one else at Tattaglia can
66
00:02:19,029 --> 00:02:20,900
breaka-breaka-break it down.
67
00:02:20,987 --> 00:02:21,901
- No problem.
68
00:02:21,988 --> 00:02:23,294
I know a brother.
69
00:02:23,381 --> 00:02:24,861
Thanks for doing this, Drew.
70
00:02:24,948 --> 00:02:26,384
- Oh, I'm not
doing this for you.
71
00:02:26,471 --> 00:02:28,212
I just love
all the martial arts.
72
00:02:28,299 --> 00:02:29,692
- Breakdancing
is a martial art?
73
00:02:29,779 --> 00:02:31,824
- The robot
is all karate chops.
74
00:02:31,911 --> 00:02:34,175
[grunting]
75
00:02:34,262 --> 00:02:37,178
- I'm so excited you boys are
bringing your urban flavor
76
00:02:37,265 --> 00:02:38,701
to our school.
77
00:02:38,788 --> 00:02:40,920
This is definitely
going in the newsletter.
78
00:02:41,007 --> 00:02:43,445
- Wait, is that black
mold on the walls?
79
00:02:43,532 --> 00:02:45,316
- I don't see color, Chris.
80
00:02:45,403 --> 00:02:47,362
I only see mold.
81
00:02:49,364 --> 00:02:52,280
- My sister Tonya had
attitude and her own key,
82
00:02:52,367 --> 00:02:54,369
which to her
seventh-grade girl gang
83
00:02:54,456 --> 00:02:56,675
meant she was grown
and in charge.
84
00:02:56,762 --> 00:02:59,112
- Uh, algebra
was pretty fun today.
85
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:00,418
- Yeah, it kind of was.
86
00:03:00,505 --> 00:03:01,550
- No, it wasn't.
87
00:03:01,637 --> 00:03:03,116
- Yeah, I hate algebra.
88
00:03:03,204 --> 00:03:04,944
- Me too, always have.
89
00:03:05,031 --> 00:03:07,817
- But she was about to get
booted by a belly button.
90
00:03:07,904 --> 00:03:09,471
- Damn, Sally.
91
00:03:09,558 --> 00:03:10,472
- Whoa.
92
00:03:10,559 --> 00:03:12,125
A crop top!
93
00:03:12,213 --> 00:03:13,997
- I got my mom
to buy this for me.
94
00:03:14,084 --> 00:03:15,390
Can you believe it?
95
00:03:15,477 --> 00:03:17,174
- You're so lucky.
96
00:03:17,261 --> 00:03:21,134
Here I am, stuck in
these little kid clothes.
97
00:03:21,222 --> 00:03:23,528
- Uh, aren't you cold in that?
98
00:03:23,615 --> 00:03:26,227
- Yeah, but I feel hot.
99
00:03:26,314 --> 00:03:28,664
[both giggling]
100
00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:30,796
- Huh,
anyone seen my house key?
101
00:03:30,883 --> 00:03:31,928
Oh.
102
00:03:32,015 --> 00:03:33,408
[chuckles]
Here it is.
103
00:03:33,495 --> 00:03:35,453
Gotta get home
and let myself in.
104
00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:37,238
Come on.
105
00:03:37,325 --> 00:03:38,587
Aren't you coming?
106
00:03:38,674 --> 00:03:40,806
- Oh, I kind of want a calzone.
107
00:03:40,893 --> 00:03:42,243
- Oh, we'll keep you company!
108
00:03:42,330 --> 00:03:45,550
- Mind if I take
a sip of your drink?
109
00:03:45,637 --> 00:03:46,682
[slurping]
110
00:03:46,769 --> 00:03:47,726
Ahh.
111
00:03:47,813 --> 00:03:48,727
[both slurping]
112
00:03:48,814 --> 00:03:50,207
both: Ahh.
113
00:03:50,294 --> 00:03:52,078
- There was a new
queen bee, and Tonya
114
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,776
was feeling the sting.
115
00:03:53,863 --> 00:03:57,345
- The usual, Julius,
or something fancy today?
116
00:03:57,432 --> 00:03:58,824
- Fancy?
117
00:03:58,911 --> 00:04:00,609
Whatcha gonna do,
paint an 8 on there
118
00:04:00,696 --> 00:04:02,350
and sink him
in the corner pocket?
119
00:04:02,437 --> 00:04:04,090
[laughter]
120
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:05,222
- Ha-ha.
121
00:04:05,309 --> 00:04:06,571
Just the usual, Manny.
122
00:04:06,658 --> 00:04:08,312
That's how my wife likes it.
123
00:04:08,399 --> 00:04:10,445
How does your wife
like it, Mr. Omar?
124
00:04:10,532 --> 00:04:11,533
Oh, that's right.
125
00:04:11,620 --> 00:04:12,621
You don't got one.
126
00:04:12,708 --> 00:04:13,796
- Ooh.
- Ohh.
127
00:04:13,883 --> 00:04:14,797
- You're right.
128
00:04:14,884 --> 00:04:16,015
I don't have a wife.
129
00:04:16,102 --> 00:04:17,452
I have my customers' wives.
130
00:04:17,539 --> 00:04:18,844
[laughs]
131
00:04:18,931 --> 00:04:21,151
- [whistles]
Would you look at her?
132
00:04:21,238 --> 00:04:23,153
Yo, Monk, let me
hold a dollar so I
133
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,155
can get change and
bounce four quarters off
134
00:04:25,242 --> 00:04:26,983
of that fine behind.
135
00:04:27,070 --> 00:04:29,028
- Look, Mr. Julius.
136
00:04:29,115 --> 00:04:32,510
- Yeah, she's got some,
uh, debris in the caboose.
137
00:04:32,597 --> 00:04:35,426
- What in the name
of high-waisted
138
00:04:35,513 --> 00:04:36,906
jeans are you talking about?
139
00:04:36,993 --> 00:04:38,342
- I don't know
how to explain it.
140
00:04:38,429 --> 00:04:41,302
I kind of have butt blindness.
141
00:04:41,389 --> 00:04:43,391
- The hell you mean
"butt blindness"?
142
00:04:43,478 --> 00:04:46,524
- I can see them, but they
all look the same to me.
143
00:04:46,611 --> 00:04:48,961
I can't tell Grace Jones
from Quincy Jones.
144
00:04:49,048 --> 00:04:51,137
[all gasp]
145
00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:54,750
- You're missing out on one
of life's greatest pleasures.
146
00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:56,621
Tragic!
147
00:04:56,708 --> 00:04:58,928
- Well, I only got eyes
for my wife anyway.
148
00:04:59,015 --> 00:05:01,931
- But you've never really
seen her booty, have you?
149
00:05:02,018 --> 00:05:03,498
- Uh--
150
00:05:03,585 --> 00:05:04,716
[romantic music]
151
00:05:04,803 --> 00:05:06,979
- You see anything
you like, baby?
152
00:05:07,066 --> 00:05:08,067
- Damn, woman.
153
00:05:08,154 --> 00:05:11,549
Looking real lumpy today.
154
00:05:11,636 --> 00:05:13,377
- Lumpy?
155
00:05:13,464 --> 00:05:14,204
The only thing that's gonna
have lumps around here
156
00:05:14,291 --> 00:05:15,553
is your head.
- Ooh.
157
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:16,728
- What?
158
00:05:16,815 --> 00:05:18,426
- Does she know?
- You crazy.
159
00:05:18,513 --> 00:05:19,601
How can I tell
my wife I haven't
160
00:05:19,688 --> 00:05:20,950
ever really seen her ass?
161
00:05:21,037 --> 00:05:22,995
- From behind
bulletproof glass.
162
00:05:23,082 --> 00:05:24,257
- We're gonna help you.
163
00:05:24,345 --> 00:05:26,347
- It's our duty as men.
164
00:05:26,434 --> 00:05:27,391
[frog ribbits]
165
00:05:30,220 --> 00:05:31,700
[bell rings]
166
00:05:31,787 --> 00:05:33,484
- All right, let's get the
paperwork out of the way.
167
00:05:33,571 --> 00:05:37,270
Official name,
Breakdancing Club.
168
00:05:37,358 --> 00:05:39,403
- What about The Dance Lads?
169
00:05:39,490 --> 00:05:40,665
- No.
170
00:05:40,752 --> 00:05:43,451
OK, president, me.
171
00:05:43,538 --> 00:05:45,191
- When did you
become president?
172
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:46,845
- This was all Chris's idea.
173
00:05:46,932 --> 00:05:48,281
- None of this matters.
174
00:05:48,369 --> 00:05:50,196
- Then as
co-president, I agree.
175
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,154
- [sighs]
Fine.
176
00:05:51,241 --> 00:05:53,286
You can be co-president.
177
00:05:53,374 --> 00:05:54,462
And Drew can be VP.
178
00:05:54,549 --> 00:05:55,419
- Cool.
179
00:05:55,506 --> 00:05:57,465
- Oh, can I be treasurer, too?
180
00:05:57,552 --> 00:05:59,380
I want an extra picture
in the yearbook.
181
00:05:59,467 --> 00:06:01,425
- I'm gonna go stretch.
182
00:06:01,512 --> 00:06:03,906
- Wait, are we actually gonna
learn how to breakdance?
183
00:06:03,993 --> 00:06:07,257
- No, it's quiet, and if I fall
asleep, no one's gonna write
184
00:06:07,344 --> 00:06:09,041
"King Kong" on my forehead.
185
00:06:09,128 --> 00:06:10,695
So I'm gonna take a nap.
186
00:06:10,782 --> 00:06:13,437
- Well, then,
what am I gonna do?
187
00:06:13,524 --> 00:06:16,135
- [yawns] You're the
treasurer, so treasure
188
00:06:16,222 --> 00:06:19,965
the time you spend not having
stuff thrown at your head.
189
00:06:20,052 --> 00:06:23,142
- [snoring]
190
00:06:23,229 --> 00:06:25,231
[car horns honking]
191
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:27,059
- Thanks for taking
me shopping, Mama.
192
00:06:27,146 --> 00:06:28,626
- Of course, baby.
193
00:06:28,713 --> 00:06:30,411
None of my kids
gonna look raggedy.
194
00:06:30,498 --> 00:06:32,151
What do you need?
New socks?
195
00:06:32,238 --> 00:06:33,239
Barrettes?
196
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:35,198
Something else inexpensive?
197
00:06:35,285 --> 00:06:38,375
- Just something a little
more seventh grade, you know?
198
00:06:38,462 --> 00:06:40,116
- Aw, what about this?
199
00:06:40,203 --> 00:06:41,639
It's so cute.
200
00:06:41,726 --> 00:06:44,947
- I was thinking
something more like this.
201
00:06:45,034 --> 00:06:47,297
- The rest of that shirt
better still be on the rack.
202
00:06:47,384 --> 00:06:48,777
- It's a crop top, Mama.
203
00:06:48,864 --> 00:06:50,518
- Why on Earth do
you want me to pay
204
00:06:50,605 --> 00:06:51,997
full price for half a shirt?
205
00:06:52,084 --> 00:06:53,042
- I don't know.
206
00:06:53,129 --> 00:06:54,173
My friend has one.
207
00:06:54,260 --> 00:06:56,132
It's just in, OK?
208
00:06:56,219 --> 00:06:59,004
- Let's find something in that
doesn't have your stomach out.
209
00:06:59,091 --> 00:07:02,268
- [groans] I just want
to look more grown.
210
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:04,793
- What's wrong with
looking your age?
211
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:06,751
- What's wrong with
looking more grown?
212
00:07:06,838 --> 00:07:08,231
I shouldn't be walking
around my school
213
00:07:08,318 --> 00:07:09,319
looking like a stripper.
214
00:07:09,406 --> 00:07:11,800
- Mm, that felt personal.
215
00:07:11,887 --> 00:07:14,585
All I wanna do is play
dress-up with you,
216
00:07:14,672 --> 00:07:16,892
and you out here
trying to be a nun.
217
00:07:16,979 --> 00:07:18,546
- Ohh.
218
00:07:18,633 --> 00:07:20,373
- Sweetie, I'm your
mom, and I really
219
00:07:20,461 --> 00:07:23,289
think you should stick with
stuff like this for now, OK?
220
00:07:25,814 --> 00:07:26,771
- OK.
221
00:07:26,858 --> 00:07:27,946
You're right, Mama.
222
00:07:28,033 --> 00:07:30,166
[knock at door]
223
00:07:30,253 --> 00:07:32,168
Please help me.
224
00:07:32,255 --> 00:07:34,692
- [snoring]
225
00:07:34,779 --> 00:07:36,389
[gasps]
226
00:07:36,477 --> 00:07:37,173
Were you gonna write
on my forehead?
227
00:07:37,260 --> 00:07:38,957
- No.
Maybe.
228
00:07:39,044 --> 00:07:39,958
I don't know.
229
00:07:40,045 --> 00:07:41,046
I'm bored.
230
00:07:41,133 --> 00:07:42,613
Hey, I have an idea.
231
00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:44,572
Motion to invite
girls to the club.
232
00:07:44,659 --> 00:07:46,878
- Greg, I like girls, too.
233
00:07:46,965 --> 00:07:48,489
Everyone likes girls.
234
00:07:48,576 --> 00:07:51,100
But everyone includes
bullies, and bullies
235
00:07:51,187 --> 00:07:53,972
will give us wedgies
in front of the girls.
236
00:07:54,059 --> 00:07:55,191
Is that what you want?
237
00:07:55,278 --> 00:07:56,105
- Maybe we should vote on it.
238
00:07:56,192 --> 00:07:57,149
- Greg, no!
239
00:07:57,236 --> 00:07:58,194
Absolutely not!
240
00:07:58,281 --> 00:07:59,848
- Yeah, this is Chris's club.
241
00:07:59,935 --> 00:08:00,805
- OK, fine.
242
00:08:00,892 --> 00:08:02,067
No girls.
243
00:08:02,154 --> 00:08:03,460
[both gasp]
244
00:08:03,547 --> 00:08:04,940
- You look hot upside down.
245
00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:06,202
- Augh!
246
00:08:06,289 --> 00:08:08,465
- Whoa, what's this?
247
00:08:08,552 --> 00:08:11,207
Some guests
of the female persuasion?
248
00:08:11,294 --> 00:08:12,425
Ladies, come in.
249
00:08:12,513 --> 00:08:14,123
- What the hell, man?
250
00:08:14,210 --> 00:08:16,081
- It's just two girls
from my chemistry class.
251
00:08:16,168 --> 00:08:17,735
Don't worry.
252
00:08:17,822 --> 00:08:20,433
Ladies, welcome to my club.
253
00:08:20,521 --> 00:08:22,392
Ugh, filled out
a ton of paperwork.
254
00:08:22,479 --> 00:08:24,002
So tiring.
255
00:08:24,089 --> 00:08:26,352
Do you mind if I rest
my carpal tunnels?
256
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:27,919
- He's taking advantage of you.
257
00:08:28,006 --> 00:08:29,094
- No, he's not.
258
00:08:29,181 --> 00:08:30,531
- I'm here for Greg's club.
259
00:08:33,795 --> 00:08:35,361
- This is a little
conservative,
260
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:36,754
but this will look cute on you.
261
00:08:36,841 --> 00:08:38,277
- [gasps]
You'd let me have that?
262
00:08:38,364 --> 00:08:40,279
- Um, I'll let you borrow it.
263
00:08:40,366 --> 00:08:41,846
Stand up.
264
00:08:41,933 --> 00:08:42,630
Yes!
265
00:08:42,717 --> 00:08:44,196
You see that, Tasha?
266
00:08:44,283 --> 00:08:46,851
This is how you make
your mommy proud of you.
267
00:08:46,938 --> 00:08:49,593
- I made principal's list
for the 50th week in a row.
268
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,421
- And I've been on
parole for 48 weeks,
269
00:08:51,508 --> 00:08:52,727
but you don't see me bragging.
270
00:08:52,814 --> 00:08:54,772
Let me see your face, girl.
271
00:08:54,859 --> 00:08:57,253
You got pretty eyes, Tonya.
272
00:08:57,340 --> 00:08:58,341
- Really?
- Mm.
273
00:08:58,428 --> 00:08:59,908
We gotta use them.
274
00:08:59,995 --> 00:09:05,217
Get you back on top with
your little girl gang.
275
00:09:05,304 --> 00:09:07,219
Now hold up the top with it.
276
00:09:07,306 --> 00:09:08,612
Mm-hmm.
277
00:09:08,699 --> 00:09:10,135
We do that,
maybe some earrings.
278
00:09:10,222 --> 00:09:11,267
Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!
279
00:09:11,354 --> 00:09:13,182
Check yourself out!
280
00:09:13,269 --> 00:09:19,057
- Damn, I look grown enough
to buy a lottery ticket.
281
00:09:19,144 --> 00:09:20,581
[bell rings]
282
00:09:20,668 --> 00:09:21,886
- The next day, my
brother looked forward
283
00:09:21,973 --> 00:09:23,584
to breaking while
I looked forward
284
00:09:23,671 --> 00:09:24,715
to actually taking a break.
285
00:09:24,802 --> 00:09:28,806
[indistinct chatter]
286
00:09:28,893 --> 00:09:30,373
Damn it.
287
00:09:30,460 --> 00:09:32,984
But Greg had turned
our club into da club.
288
00:09:33,071 --> 00:09:34,029
- "Damn it"?
289
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,073
That's it?
290
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:36,335
Even your bully is here.
291
00:09:36,422 --> 00:09:37,554
Be more mad.
- Why?
292
00:09:37,641 --> 00:09:39,251
It's just Greg being Greg.
293
00:09:39,338 --> 00:09:40,557
- Well, Greg is selfish.
294
00:09:40,644 --> 00:09:42,037
Isn't he always like this?
295
00:09:42,124 --> 00:09:43,604
- Uh--
296
00:09:45,475 --> 00:09:47,869
- Thanks, homey.
297
00:09:50,785 --> 00:09:52,264
- At least it's
two against one.
298
00:09:52,351 --> 00:09:53,570
Ugh!
299
00:09:55,354 --> 00:09:56,268
- Hi, Chris.
300
00:09:56,355 --> 00:09:58,314
What's going on?
301
00:09:58,401 --> 00:10:00,229
- Chris pooped his pants
yesterday, but my underwear?
302
00:10:00,316 --> 00:10:02,318
Bone dry.
303
00:10:02,405 --> 00:10:04,015
Eh, it's a numbers game.
304
00:10:04,102 --> 00:10:05,887
- Chris,
he is not a good friend.
305
00:10:05,974 --> 00:10:07,628
You need to
stand up for yourself.
306
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:10,935
- Ha-ha-ha-ha!
307
00:10:11,022 --> 00:10:13,808
- Greg, this is supposed
to be our thing.
308
00:10:13,895 --> 00:10:15,548
Get these people out of here.
309
00:10:15,636 --> 00:10:17,333
- No, I want girls here.
310
00:10:17,420 --> 00:10:18,682
- Nice club, Chris.
311
00:10:18,769 --> 00:10:20,031
Here's my membership fee.
312
00:10:20,118 --> 00:10:21,772
[together] Ooh!
- Ow!
313
00:10:21,859 --> 00:10:22,991
See?
314
00:10:23,078 --> 00:10:24,862
I told you girls
would bring bullies!
315
00:10:24,949 --> 00:10:26,690
We're supposed to look
out for each other,
316
00:10:26,777 --> 00:10:27,865
but you only care
about yourself.
317
00:10:27,952 --> 00:10:30,694
So as president,
I say we vote you out.
318
00:10:30,781 --> 00:10:32,609
- As VP, I second.
319
00:10:32,696 --> 00:10:35,438
- Well, as co-president and
treasurer, I get two votes,
320
00:10:35,525 --> 00:10:36,831
and I vote I stay.
321
00:10:36,918 --> 00:10:39,311
- He thinks his
vote is twice mine?
322
00:10:39,398 --> 00:10:41,923
That's even worse than the
Three-Fifths Compromise.
323
00:10:42,010 --> 00:10:44,012
[together] Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
324
00:10:44,099 --> 00:10:46,057
- That's not how
we solve things.
325
00:10:46,144 --> 00:10:48,364
I came to check on
you guys, and it looks
326
00:10:48,451 --> 00:10:50,148
like I arrived just in time.
327
00:10:50,235 --> 00:10:52,977
There's only one way
to resolve this--
328
00:10:53,064 --> 00:10:55,501
a breakdance battle
here, tomorrow.
329
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:56,546
- Seriously?
330
00:10:56,633 --> 00:10:58,243
That's the only way?
331
00:10:58,330 --> 00:10:59,157
- It's the only way
I can make sure I have
332
00:10:59,244 --> 00:11:00,898
my good camera
to take pictures.
333
00:11:02,944 --> 00:11:05,816
[funky music]
334
00:11:05,903 --> 00:11:08,732
♪ ♪
335
00:11:08,819 --> 00:11:11,604
- [chuckling]
Hey.
336
00:11:11,692 --> 00:11:12,997
- Whoa.
- Damn, Tonya.
337
00:11:13,084 --> 00:11:16,000
- [giggles]
What?
338
00:11:17,828 --> 00:11:19,917
- [sighs]
What'll it be?
339
00:11:20,004 --> 00:11:22,572
- I'm trying to piss off my
boss enough to get severance.
340
00:11:22,659 --> 00:11:24,574
What's your nastiest flavor?
341
00:11:24,661 --> 00:11:27,838
- The Chitlin' Juice glazed.
342
00:11:27,925 --> 00:11:29,231
I should just stop making it.
343
00:11:29,318 --> 00:11:30,275
- Gross.
344
00:11:30,362 --> 00:11:33,061
Give me a dozen.
345
00:11:33,148 --> 00:11:37,152
[gasps]
Oh, hell no!
346
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:39,328
- You think my crop
top is too short,
347
00:11:39,415 --> 00:11:42,853
or is it cool my house key
pokes out from under it?
348
00:11:42,940 --> 00:11:45,290
[dramatic music]
349
00:11:45,377 --> 00:11:46,683
Ah!
350
00:11:46,770 --> 00:11:48,250
Mama, what are you doing?
351
00:11:48,337 --> 00:11:51,383
- You think you grown now, huh?
352
00:11:51,470 --> 00:11:53,037
Let's go.
353
00:11:53,124 --> 00:11:54,343
I'm gonna beat the
pepperoni out your behind.
354
00:11:54,430 --> 00:11:56,867
[laughter]
355
00:11:56,954 --> 00:11:58,869
[funky music]
356
00:11:58,956 --> 00:12:00,871
- Let's start with an easy one.
357
00:12:00,958 --> 00:12:03,482
Pretend this is a small butt.
358
00:12:03,569 --> 00:12:06,659
How would you
describe its shape?
359
00:12:06,747 --> 00:12:08,270
- Ooh, ooh, ooh, pineapple!
360
00:12:08,357 --> 00:12:11,795
♪ ♪
361
00:12:11,882 --> 00:12:12,927
That's Vanessa Williams.
Nope.
362
00:12:13,014 --> 00:12:14,189
Janet Jackson.
363
00:12:14,276 --> 00:12:15,233
Nope.
364
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,496
Bob Newhart.
365
00:12:17,583 --> 00:12:20,630
- Maybe you just need
glasses to see them asses.
366
00:12:20,717 --> 00:12:23,241
Now, which one is Kill Moves?
367
00:12:23,328 --> 00:12:25,983
- Uh, it's a trick question.
368
00:12:26,070 --> 00:12:27,724
They're both Kill Moves.
369
00:12:27,811 --> 00:12:31,684
- Damn, you're not just butt
blind, you're bum blind.
370
00:12:31,772 --> 00:12:32,903
- None of this is working.
371
00:12:32,990 --> 00:12:35,166
It's like I'm not
even a Black man.
372
00:12:35,253 --> 00:12:37,473
- You just spent seven
hours at a barbershop.
373
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:38,866
You Black.
374
00:12:38,953 --> 00:12:41,651
- Still,
tough break, Mr. Julius.
375
00:12:41,738 --> 00:12:43,566
- But hey, thanks for reminding
us not to take booties
376
00:12:43,653 --> 00:12:45,176
for granted.
377
00:12:45,263 --> 00:12:47,004
- The next time I see
a big beautiful behind,
378
00:12:47,091 --> 00:12:49,224
I'm gonna tell it
how much I love it.
379
00:12:49,311 --> 00:12:50,878
- 20 minutes later,
he got arrested
380
00:12:50,965 --> 00:12:53,054
for harassing a police horse.
381
00:12:55,796 --> 00:12:57,754
- Peaches, open the damn door!
382
00:12:57,841 --> 00:13:00,539
- My mom hadn't been
this mad at Peaches
383
00:13:00,626 --> 00:13:04,021
since, well, the last time
she interacted with Peaches.
384
00:13:04,108 --> 00:13:06,894
- Don't make me get
my battering ram!
385
00:13:06,981 --> 00:13:08,199
Oh, hi, baby.
386
00:13:08,286 --> 00:13:09,374
Is your mommy home?
387
00:13:09,461 --> 00:13:10,375
- I'm right here.
388
00:13:10,462 --> 00:13:12,073
Go watch TV.
389
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:13,378
- I need to prepare
for bible study.
390
00:13:13,465 --> 00:13:15,380
- You're gonna
study for a study?
391
00:13:15,467 --> 00:13:17,556
Oh, my god.
392
00:13:17,643 --> 00:13:19,515
Sometimes, I swear, I wonder
if she's even my daughter.
393
00:13:19,602 --> 00:13:21,212
Then I remember how
she wrecked my--
394
00:13:21,299 --> 00:13:23,649
- Peaches, did you
dress up my daughter
395
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,434
in your hoochie clothes?
396
00:13:25,521 --> 00:13:28,829
- Yeah, I bought all these
fly clothes for Tasha,
397
00:13:28,916 --> 00:13:30,743
and she won't wear them.
398
00:13:30,831 --> 00:13:31,875
I'm sorry, Rochelle.
399
00:13:31,962 --> 00:13:33,834
I was just trying
to have some fun.
400
00:13:33,921 --> 00:13:36,967
- You can't do whatever you
want just because it's fun.
401
00:13:37,054 --> 00:13:39,448
- Damn, you sound like my mom.
402
00:13:39,535 --> 00:13:41,145
- Oh, please.
403
00:13:41,232 --> 00:13:43,887
- My mom was so strict, never
let me wear what I wanted,
404
00:13:43,974 --> 00:13:46,672
embarrassed me in front of all
my friends, but I showed her.
405
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,110
The day I turned 18,
I got out the house
406
00:13:49,197 --> 00:13:51,590
and did whatever
I wanted, partying,
407
00:13:51,677 --> 00:13:53,288
drinking, messing around.
408
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:54,550
Well, except after
Tasha was born.
409
00:13:54,637 --> 00:13:55,856
I couldn't hook up with
anybody for months.
410
00:13:55,943 --> 00:13:57,814
My downstairs was a mess.
411
00:13:57,901 --> 00:13:59,033
- Thank you, Peaches.
412
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,557
- You're welcome.
413
00:14:01,644 --> 00:14:03,994
Wait, for what?
414
00:14:04,081 --> 00:14:06,779
- I didn't know how to
breakdance, but luckily,
415
00:14:06,867 --> 00:14:08,129
neither did Greg.
416
00:14:08,216 --> 00:14:10,653
- Give him a Bed-Stuy beatdown!
417
00:14:10,740 --> 00:14:13,351
But don't beat him so badly
he ends up racist forever.
418
00:14:13,438 --> 00:14:14,875
- This should be over quickly.
419
00:14:14,962 --> 00:14:16,746
- All righty, b-boys.
420
00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:20,706
Whichever one of you can get
the crowd most hyped wins.
421
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,708
Chris, you go first.
422
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:24,841
[funky music]
423
00:14:24,928 --> 00:14:30,325
- [grunting]
424
00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:31,326
OK.
425
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:32,544
Mm.
426
00:14:32,631 --> 00:14:33,632
Ahh!
427
00:14:33,719 --> 00:14:36,940
[cheers and applause]
428
00:14:37,027 --> 00:14:40,770
- That was terrible, but I
bet Greg will be even worse.
429
00:14:40,857 --> 00:14:43,860
[funky music]
- My turn.
430
00:14:43,947 --> 00:14:44,513
[together]
Oh! Ooh!
431
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:50,606
- [grunting]
432
00:14:50,693 --> 00:14:52,042
[chuckles]
433
00:14:52,129 --> 00:14:54,871
[together]
Ohh! Damn!
434
00:14:54,958 --> 00:14:57,482
- How did his white ass
learn to do all that?
435
00:14:57,569 --> 00:14:59,484
- White people
had a secret tool
436
00:14:59,571 --> 00:15:02,705
to learn how to breakdance,
Alfonso Ribeiro.
437
00:15:02,792 --> 00:15:06,752
♪ ♪
438
00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:09,407
- Now watch this, suckas.
439
00:15:09,494 --> 00:15:10,843
Ah!
Ow.
440
00:15:10,931 --> 00:15:11,844
Ow.
441
00:15:11,932 --> 00:15:13,542
My neck.
442
00:15:13,629 --> 00:15:15,457
Oh, god, I think I
swallowed my Adam's apple.
443
00:15:15,544 --> 00:15:16,762
[together]
Boo!
444
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,547
- Ow!
- Uh-oh.
445
00:15:18,634 --> 00:15:19,678
This feels lawsuit-y.
446
00:15:19,765 --> 00:15:21,637
Uh, the club is canceled.
447
00:15:21,724 --> 00:15:24,596
Everyone, back to regular gym.
448
00:15:24,683 --> 00:15:25,728
- Ugh!
449
00:15:25,815 --> 00:15:27,817
- I'll go warm up
my dodgeball arm.
450
00:15:27,904 --> 00:15:30,689
- If something happens, can
I have your baseball cards?
451
00:15:30,776 --> 00:15:32,169
- [groans]
452
00:15:35,346 --> 00:15:36,391
- If you're gonna
whup me again,
453
00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:38,175
can you wait until
I finish my algebra?
454
00:15:38,262 --> 00:15:40,221
It's hard to solve for Y
when all I can think about
455
00:15:40,308 --> 00:15:41,918
is why my butt stings.
456
00:15:42,005 --> 00:15:43,876
- I'm not gonna
whup you, but help
457
00:15:43,964 --> 00:15:47,706
me understand, why is dressing
all grown so important to you?
458
00:15:47,793 --> 00:15:49,404
- Remember my friend Sally?
459
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:51,232
She got a crop top,
and now everyone's
460
00:15:51,319 --> 00:15:52,537
paying more attention to her.
461
00:15:52,624 --> 00:15:54,235
I just feel kicked to the curb.
462
00:15:54,322 --> 00:15:56,846
- I guess me bugging out
like I did at the pizza
463
00:15:56,933 --> 00:15:58,282
parlor didn't help.
464
00:15:58,369 --> 00:15:59,849
- Yeah.
465
00:15:59,936 --> 00:16:01,938
- [sighs] When I saw you
wearing those clothes,
466
00:16:02,025 --> 00:16:04,810
I was mad as hell, but I
was more upset that you
467
00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,203
went to Peaches
because you felt
468
00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:07,813
like you couldn't talk to me.
469
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,467
I don't want you to
become like Peaches.
470
00:16:09,554 --> 00:16:10,903
- I don't wanna be Peaches!
471
00:16:10,991 --> 00:16:12,383
- Oh, thank god.
472
00:16:12,470 --> 00:16:14,733
- I mean, Peaches has
some cute outfits,
473
00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:18,650
but sometimes
she be looking crazy.
474
00:16:18,737 --> 00:16:20,391
- So what do you want?
475
00:16:20,478 --> 00:16:22,828
- I guess I just want my
friends to still respect me.
476
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,482
But I also wanna
wear what I want.
477
00:16:24,569 --> 00:16:26,832
But that crop top made
my belly feel cold.
478
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,660
I don't know what to do.
479
00:16:28,747 --> 00:16:30,227
- Well,
I'm glad you came to me.
480
00:16:30,314 --> 00:16:32,316
- Uh, you came in here.
481
00:16:32,403 --> 00:16:34,231
- Tonya, do you want
me to fix this or not?
482
00:16:34,318 --> 00:16:35,406
- Yes, fine, yes.
483
00:16:35,493 --> 00:16:37,365
- OK.
484
00:16:37,452 --> 00:16:39,019
Well, here's what you're gonna
say to your little friends.
485
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:48,506
- You know, you should really
eat something before dodgeball.
486
00:16:48,593 --> 00:16:50,639
- No, it's better to get
hit on an empty stomach.
487
00:16:50,726 --> 00:16:52,336
- Are you sure?
488
00:16:52,423 --> 00:16:53,685
You got no muscle, so you
should have a little fat
489
00:16:53,772 --> 00:16:54,904
to absorb the blows.
490
00:16:54,991 --> 00:16:56,471
- [sighs]
491
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:57,776
- Isn't it better
to not have to deal
492
00:16:57,863 --> 00:16:59,169
with that selfish clown?
493
00:16:59,256 --> 00:17:00,866
- Yeah, I guess.
494
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:02,912
- You're better
off without him.
495
00:17:02,999 --> 00:17:05,654
Now you can get real good at
"Solitaire" or, like, thinking.
496
00:17:08,744 --> 00:17:09,658
- Hey, Jerome.
497
00:17:09,745 --> 00:17:10,963
What are you doing here?
498
00:17:11,051 --> 00:17:12,443
- It just didn't
sit right with me
499
00:17:12,530 --> 00:17:14,054
to give up on you
like that, brother.
500
00:17:14,141 --> 00:17:15,490
There's something blocking you.
501
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:16,926
We need to go deeper.
502
00:17:17,013 --> 00:17:18,362
Are you down for some hypnosis?
503
00:17:18,449 --> 00:17:20,364
- You know how to do hypnosis?
504
00:17:20,451 --> 00:17:21,713
- I took a course.
505
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:22,975
You don't think
I got aspirations?
506
00:17:23,063 --> 00:17:24,542
Damn.
507
00:17:24,629 --> 00:17:26,544
- At this point,
what have I got to lose?
508
00:17:26,631 --> 00:17:27,632
- OK.
509
00:17:27,719 --> 00:17:30,200
Now follow the watch.
510
00:17:30,287 --> 00:17:31,636
- Hey, that's my watch!
511
00:17:31,723 --> 00:17:32,985
- You wanna be fixed or not?
512
00:17:33,073 --> 00:17:34,987
Now follow the watch.
513
00:17:35,075 --> 00:17:38,208
Follow the watch.
514
00:17:38,295 --> 00:17:40,819
[mystical music]
515
00:17:40,906 --> 00:17:44,649
[organ music]
516
00:17:44,736 --> 00:17:47,043
- Sweet baby Jesus!
517
00:17:47,130 --> 00:17:48,610
- What are you looking at, son?
- What?
518
00:17:48,697 --> 00:17:50,220
- You wanna go to hell?
519
00:17:50,307 --> 00:17:52,440
You're breaking one of
the Ten Commandments!
520
00:17:52,527 --> 00:17:56,531
Thou shalt not covet
thy neighbor's backside!
521
00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:57,662
- [groans]
522
00:17:57,749 --> 00:17:59,316
- That's it!
523
00:17:59,403 --> 00:18:02,189
My dad scared the love
of butts out of me!
524
00:18:02,276 --> 00:18:03,625
What do I do?
525
00:18:03,712 --> 00:18:05,017
- I'll just hypnotize
that out of you.
526
00:18:05,105 --> 00:18:06,976
Follow the watch.
527
00:18:07,063 --> 00:18:09,544
Follow the watch.
528
00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:12,677
You were once blind,
but now you can see.
529
00:18:12,764 --> 00:18:16,377
Butts, bottoms, tushies,
booties,
530
00:18:16,464 --> 00:18:21,208
derrieres, dat ass.
531
00:18:21,295 --> 00:18:23,079
All right, moment of truth.
532
00:18:23,166 --> 00:18:24,559
Whose butt is this?
533
00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:27,605
- [gasps]
Pam Grier.
534
00:18:27,692 --> 00:18:30,217
And that one is
different than that one.
535
00:18:30,304 --> 00:18:32,306
I can see Pam Grier's butt!
536
00:18:32,393 --> 00:18:33,307
- Yo, keep it down!
537
00:18:33,394 --> 00:18:34,917
Your wife might hear you.
538
00:18:35,004 --> 00:18:36,179
- My wife?
539
00:18:36,266 --> 00:18:38,834
Baby, I'm coming for your ass!
540
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:43,012
[all slurping]
541
00:18:43,099 --> 00:18:44,840
- Hey.
- Oh.
542
00:18:44,927 --> 00:18:46,885
Hey, Tonya.
543
00:18:46,972 --> 00:18:49,497
- That was pretty crazy
the other day with your mom.
544
00:18:49,584 --> 00:18:53,022
- [snorts, coughs]
Sorry, it's not funny.
545
00:18:53,109 --> 00:18:54,719
- Nah, it's all right.
546
00:18:54,806 --> 00:18:56,417
Y'all haven't seen
her, have you?
547
00:18:56,504 --> 00:18:57,635
- Your mom?
548
00:18:57,722 --> 00:18:58,636
No.
549
00:18:58,723 --> 00:18:59,768
Why?
550
00:18:59,855 --> 00:19:01,944
[gasps]
Here she comes.
551
00:19:04,947 --> 00:19:07,123
Why is she following you?
552
00:19:07,210 --> 00:19:09,560
- She got me on a tight
watch because last night,
553
00:19:09,647 --> 00:19:11,519
I called her a bitch.
554
00:19:11,606 --> 00:19:12,998
- [gasps]
- Whoa.
555
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:13,956
- Dang, Tonya.
556
00:19:14,043 --> 00:19:15,479
You're bad.
557
00:19:15,566 --> 00:19:17,002
- Mind if I take
a sip of your soda?
558
00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:19,962
[funky music]
559
00:19:20,049 --> 00:19:24,619
♪ ♪
560
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:26,925
Thank you.
561
00:19:27,012 --> 00:19:30,190
- [sighs]
My girl is back on top.
562
00:19:30,277 --> 00:19:31,800
Damn, I'm a good mother.
563
00:19:31,887 --> 00:19:32,801
- Ooh-whee!
564
00:19:32,888 --> 00:19:34,194
Look at that ass!
565
00:19:34,281 --> 00:19:35,847
- You catcalling mother--
566
00:19:35,934 --> 00:19:38,198
Julius, what are you doing?
567
00:19:38,285 --> 00:19:41,201
And why do you have that
goofy grin on your face?
568
00:19:41,288 --> 00:19:44,726
- I'm seeing things
I've never seen before.
569
00:19:44,813 --> 00:19:46,423
You're just so fine.
570
00:19:46,510 --> 00:19:48,686
- OK, Julius, calm down.
571
00:19:48,773 --> 00:19:51,123
Let's get you home.
572
00:19:51,211 --> 00:19:54,126
[sultry music]
573
00:19:54,214 --> 00:19:57,565
- It's so beautiful.
574
00:19:57,652 --> 00:19:59,523
[militaristic drum cadence]
575
00:19:59,610 --> 00:20:02,657
- With Greg injured,
I was on my own.
576
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:06,138
- [grunting]
Damn it, forgot my cup.
577
00:20:06,226 --> 00:20:09,272
- Do you want me to destroy
your left nut or right nut?
578
00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:10,795
- Left.
579
00:20:10,882 --> 00:20:11,883
Oh!
580
00:20:11,970 --> 00:20:15,539
- It's only lightly used.
581
00:20:15,626 --> 00:20:16,584
- Ow.
582
00:20:16,671 --> 00:20:18,934
- [groans]
583
00:20:19,021 --> 00:20:21,719
- I realized Greg
wasn't the best friend,
584
00:20:21,806 --> 00:20:24,069
but he was a friend.
585
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:27,334
And for now,
that was good enough.
586
00:20:27,421 --> 00:20:29,945
- By the way, I,
uh, got this for you
587
00:20:30,032 --> 00:20:32,687
since I know you couldn't
eat before dodgeball.
588
00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:33,818
both:
Can't play on a full stomach.
589
00:20:33,905 --> 00:20:35,167
- [chuckles]
590
00:20:35,255 --> 00:20:36,952
- I'm sorry for
ruining our club.
591
00:20:37,039 --> 00:20:39,084
I'll try to be a better friend.
592
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:40,129
- Thanks, Greg.
593
00:20:40,216 --> 00:20:42,087
[gasps, groans]
594
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:44,481
- Starting tomorrow,
I'll be a better friend.
595
00:20:44,568 --> 00:20:48,746
singers: ♪ Everybody
still hates Chris ♪
596
00:20:48,833 --> 00:20:51,575
[vocalizing]
597
00:20:54,970 --> 00:20:57,364
- Sally,
come back here, young lady.
598
00:20:57,451 --> 00:20:58,843
- Tina, you OK?
599
00:20:58,930 --> 00:21:00,541
- Sally just called me a bitch.
600
00:21:00,628 --> 00:21:03,718
Where is she picking
this stuff up?
601
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:06,242
[funky music]
602
00:21:36,141 --> 00:21:37,969
- ♪ MTV ♪
603
00:21:37,969 --> 00:21:42,969
DOWNLOADED FROM WWW.AWAFIM.TV
604
00:21:37,969 --> 00:21:47,969
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