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1
00:00:04,851 --> 00:00:07,811
[hip-hop music]
2
00:00:07,898 --> 00:00:10,118
- The two most important rules
in my family
3
00:00:10,205 --> 00:00:13,077
were, never make eye contact
with a junkie
4
00:00:13,164 --> 00:00:15,775
and never wake my father
5
00:00:15,862 --> 00:00:18,039
when he took his nap
between jobs.
6
00:00:18,126 --> 00:00:20,824
♪ ♪
7
00:00:20,911 --> 00:00:22,695
We had to eat quietly.
8
00:00:22,782 --> 00:00:25,263
♪ ♪
9
00:00:25,350 --> 00:00:28,701
We had to sneeze quietly.
10
00:00:28,788 --> 00:00:31,574
We had to watch TV quietly.
11
00:00:31,661 --> 00:00:34,098
- At Insane Wayne's,
we're knocking out high prices
12
00:00:34,185 --> 00:00:35,447
with championship deals
13
00:00:35,534 --> 00:00:37,710
on all TV, stereos,
and video games!
14
00:00:37,797 --> 00:00:40,452
And this weekend only, we're
giving away free Nintendos
15
00:00:40,539 --> 00:00:42,498
to whomever can beat
the brand-new video game
16
00:00:42,585 --> 00:00:44,195
"Mike Tyson's Punch-Out"!
17
00:00:44,282 --> 00:00:47,068
That's right--beat the champ,
win a Nintendo!
18
00:00:47,155 --> 00:00:51,115
With promotions like this,
I must be insane!
19
00:00:51,202 --> 00:00:52,551
[grunts]
20
00:00:52,638 --> 00:00:54,858
- Nintendo for free?
21
00:00:54,945 --> 00:00:56,903
Whoo-hoo!
- Shh!
22
00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:59,254
- Back then, a free Nintendo
was a really big deal.
23
00:00:59,341 --> 00:01:01,125
- Shh.
- Shh.
24
00:01:01,212 --> 00:01:04,041
- Now they send me a Nintendo
every time I say Nintendo!
25
00:01:04,128 --> 00:01:07,262
[hip-hop music]
26
00:01:07,349 --> 00:01:10,917
I loved playing
"Mike Tyson's Punch-Out,"
27
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,746
even though the point of the
game was for a small white boy
28
00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:16,271
to beat up
grown-ass minorities.
29
00:01:16,358 --> 00:01:17,707
Dang it, I lost.
30
00:01:17,794 --> 00:01:19,665
- You almost got
to the end, though.
31
00:01:19,752 --> 00:01:22,886
Man, Mike Tyson is the best--
the only dude from Bed-Stuy
32
00:01:22,973 --> 00:01:24,757
to ever punch his way
into being rich.
33
00:01:24,844 --> 00:01:27,108
- And bite his way
back into being broke.
34
00:01:27,195 --> 00:01:29,066
- Move aside, Cassius Colored.
35
00:01:29,153 --> 00:01:31,024
- Great, Caruso's here.
36
00:01:31,112 --> 00:01:33,636
- Hey, how'd you get
extra health?
37
00:01:33,723 --> 00:01:35,725
- I got a cheat code.
[all gasp]
38
00:01:35,812 --> 00:01:37,988
- Isn't being white
already a cheat code?
39
00:01:38,075 --> 00:01:40,164
- Whoa, he's already
beaten the drunk Russian,
40
00:01:40,251 --> 00:01:43,298
the dancing Dominican, and the
sushi-loving Japanese boxer.
41
00:01:43,385 --> 00:01:45,126
- Caruso enjoy beating up
42
00:01:45,213 --> 00:01:47,650
on those ethnic stereotypes
so much,
43
00:01:47,737 --> 00:01:49,695
you'd think he was the LAPD!
44
00:01:49,782 --> 00:01:51,654
[bell dings]
[all cheer]
45
00:01:51,741 --> 00:01:53,525
- That's not fair.
You can't use a cheat code.
46
00:01:53,612 --> 00:01:55,962
- Well, you got two choices--
me using a cheat code
47
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,487
or me using a beat code.
48
00:01:58,574 --> 00:02:00,445
- I started to wonder,
what was the point
49
00:02:00,532 --> 00:02:04,754
of even trying if someone
could so easily cheat to win?
50
00:02:04,841 --> 00:02:07,844
But I realized people were
using all sorts of cheat codes
51
00:02:07,931 --> 00:02:09,541
to make their lives easier.
52
00:02:09,628 --> 00:02:11,717
- Risky, I-I need help.
53
00:02:11,804 --> 00:02:14,503
My parole officer wants me
to take a drug test.
54
00:02:14,590 --> 00:02:19,072
- Drug-free cup of pee,
10 bucks.
55
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:21,553
- Risky, I've been dating
a guy for, like, a month,
56
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,207
and I think he's the one.
57
00:02:23,294 --> 00:02:26,428
How do I get him to commit?
58
00:02:26,515 --> 00:02:30,649
- Positive pregnancy test,
20 bucks.
59
00:02:30,736 --> 00:02:32,695
- Hey, Risky, do you know
where I could get
60
00:02:32,782 --> 00:02:35,393
a cheat code for,
uh, "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out"?
61
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:39,397
- For you, young blood,
I got the ultimate cheat code.
62
00:02:39,484 --> 00:02:42,487
This lets you skip to the
final round to fight "Tyson."
63
00:02:42,574 --> 00:02:44,533
[angelic choir sings]
64
00:02:44,620 --> 00:02:47,753
- ♪ Ahh! ♪
[birds cooing]
65
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,147
- Go straight
to the end of the game?
66
00:02:50,234 --> 00:02:52,018
I don't know--that sounds
like a lot of cheating,
67
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:53,716
and I'm not a cheater.
68
00:02:53,803 --> 00:02:56,197
- At that point
in my life, I wasn't.
69
00:02:56,284 --> 00:02:59,852
- Yeah, so? Here's your chance
to finally take a shortcut.
70
00:02:59,939 --> 00:03:03,073
- The only shortcuts are hard
work and determination, Chris.
71
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,380
- That's as insane as me!
72
00:03:05,467 --> 00:03:08,600
Do you want
a free Nintendo or not?
73
00:03:08,687 --> 00:03:11,473
- I'll take it.
- 10 bucks.
74
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:12,952
- See?
75
00:03:13,039 --> 00:03:14,998
You don't even have money
to buy a cheat code.
76
00:03:15,085 --> 00:03:17,087
Get a job.
77
00:03:17,174 --> 00:03:19,350
- Um, can I put that
on layaway?
78
00:03:19,437 --> 00:03:21,744
- You get the code
when I get $20.
79
00:03:21,831 --> 00:03:23,398
- 20?
You said 10.
80
00:03:23,485 --> 00:03:25,008
- Well, now I know
you really need it.
81
00:03:25,095 --> 00:03:26,879
- [sighs]
82
00:03:26,966 --> 00:03:28,403
- I'm going to tell Daddy
you're trying to steal money
83
00:03:28,490 --> 00:03:30,013
from the couch.
84
00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:32,189
- [scoffs] You trying
to buy a cheat code?
85
00:03:32,276 --> 00:03:34,278
You'll never catch
me using one.
86
00:03:34,365 --> 00:03:36,280
They're for cheaters.
It says so right in the name.
87
00:03:36,367 --> 00:03:38,195
- Hey, dum-dum, your face
is a cheat code.
88
00:03:38,282 --> 00:03:39,501
- She's right!
89
00:03:39,588 --> 00:03:40,893
- You fine, Drew!
90
00:03:40,980 --> 00:03:43,548
- You can butter
my biscuits anytime!
91
00:03:43,635 --> 00:03:44,897
- Shoo!
92
00:03:44,984 --> 00:03:47,509
Take your hormones elsewhere!
93
00:03:47,596 --> 00:03:49,902
- Well, your cheat code is
always blaming stuff on Chris.
94
00:03:49,989 --> 00:03:51,817
- Is not.
- Is too.
95
00:03:51,904 --> 00:03:54,777
- Daddy, Chris is making
me and Drew argue.
96
00:03:54,864 --> 00:03:57,170
- Chris, don't make
your brother and sister fight.
97
00:03:57,258 --> 00:03:59,695
[sighs] Anybody seen
my work shirt?
98
00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:01,305
- Big Man!
99
00:04:01,392 --> 00:04:04,047
Thank you for letting me
borrow your work shirt.
100
00:04:04,134 --> 00:04:07,050
- My Uncle Mike came to stay
with us while his bedroom
101
00:04:07,137 --> 00:04:09,270
was being fumigated.
102
00:04:09,357 --> 00:04:12,142
While he had a pest problem,
we had an Uncle Mike problem.
103
00:04:12,229 --> 00:04:15,101
But my mother always
defended her brother.
104
00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:16,886
- Uncle Mike used
my yellow belt as a napkin
105
00:04:16,973 --> 00:04:18,714
and got Cheeto dust
all over it.
106
00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:21,064
- Now you got an orange belt--
problem solved.
107
00:04:21,151 --> 00:04:23,327
- Uncle Mike used
my "Miami Vice" doll
108
00:04:23,414 --> 00:04:26,417
as a bottle opener
and popped off Tubbs' head.
109
00:04:26,504 --> 00:04:27,897
- Then start liking
Sonny Crockett better--
110
00:04:27,984 --> 00:04:29,725
problem solved.
111
00:04:29,812 --> 00:04:31,509
- Uncle Mike stole my kidney
while I was asleep!
112
00:04:31,596 --> 00:04:34,164
- You still got another one--
problem solved.
113
00:04:34,251 --> 00:04:36,384
- I figured you was throwing
out your work shirt
114
00:04:36,471 --> 00:04:39,125
due to the mustard
I accidentally spilt on it.
115
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:41,476
By the way,
you're out of mustard.
116
00:04:41,563 --> 00:04:42,912
- You took my work shirt
117
00:04:42,999 --> 00:04:45,218
and spilled 3-cent worth
of mustard on it?
118
00:04:45,306 --> 00:04:47,699
- Julius, just wear
your old work shirt for today--
119
00:04:47,786 --> 00:04:49,005
problem solved.
120
00:04:49,092 --> 00:04:51,050
- [growling]
121
00:04:52,878 --> 00:04:56,621
Chris, take Drew and Tonya
to get haircuts, now.
122
00:04:56,708 --> 00:04:58,580
- Whenever my mother
and father
123
00:04:58,667 --> 00:05:00,364
were going to do
some real yelling,
124
00:05:00,451 --> 00:05:02,366
she'd send us out
to get haircuts.
125
00:05:02,453 --> 00:05:04,760
In the spring of '85,
I was one argument away
126
00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,022
from being bald.
127
00:05:06,109 --> 00:05:08,329
- Cheat code.
128
00:05:08,416 --> 00:05:10,156
- I'll take the kids.
129
00:05:12,942 --> 00:05:15,814
- Damn it, Julius.
My brother is trying his best.
130
00:05:15,901 --> 00:05:18,426
Can you just be nice?
- Mike doesn't deserve nice.
131
00:05:18,513 --> 00:05:20,471
He deserves a foot in his ass.
132
00:05:20,558 --> 00:05:23,126
- Oh-ho-ho,
I ain't taking sibling advice
133
00:05:23,213 --> 00:05:26,869
from a man who makes any excuse
to not talk to his own brother!
134
00:05:26,956 --> 00:05:28,305
- Me and Louis not talking
135
00:05:28,392 --> 00:05:30,394
is exactly what makes
our relationship work.
136
00:05:30,481 --> 00:05:32,875
- Julius, your brother's
on the phone.
137
00:05:35,094 --> 00:05:36,705
[garbage disposal whirring]
138
00:05:36,792 --> 00:05:39,969
[sighs]
My brother means a lot to me.
139
00:05:40,056 --> 00:05:44,234
Can you please be cool
about this, for me?
140
00:05:44,321 --> 00:05:47,585
- [sighs] Okay, I'll try.
141
00:05:47,672 --> 00:05:49,500
You know, we're alone.
142
00:05:49,587 --> 00:05:51,850
I got a little time
before my first job.
143
00:05:51,937 --> 00:05:54,244
I'm already not wearing pants.
144
00:05:54,331 --> 00:05:57,943
- Mm, sorry, I got to go clean
the bathroom.
145
00:05:58,030 --> 00:06:00,816
There's mustard everywhere.
146
00:06:00,903 --> 00:06:02,426
- [groans]
147
00:06:05,603 --> 00:06:07,126
- Hey, Manny, if I sweep up
all this hair,
148
00:06:07,213 --> 00:06:08,519
can you give me $20?
149
00:06:08,606 --> 00:06:10,652
- You're already doing
it for free, dummy.
150
00:06:10,739 --> 00:06:12,915
Besides, what you need money
for so badly anyway?
151
00:06:13,002 --> 00:06:14,873
- I'm trying to buy
a cheat code for a video game.
152
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,875
- I wish I had a cheat code
to get out of Nam.
153
00:06:16,962 --> 00:06:17,920
The only cheat code for that
154
00:06:18,007 --> 00:06:18,877
was to be white...
- Oh.
155
00:06:18,964 --> 00:06:20,575
- Or die.
- Whew.
156
00:06:20,662 --> 00:06:22,881
- Cheat codes for Black folks
are few and far between.
157
00:06:22,968 --> 00:06:23,926
- I totally agree.
158
00:06:24,013 --> 00:06:25,449
So can I borrow $20?
159
00:06:25,536 --> 00:06:27,799
- I don't have $20, little man.
160
00:06:27,886 --> 00:06:31,324
I'll give you something better,
a free story about choices.
161
00:06:31,412 --> 00:06:32,804
- I'd rather have the money.
- Too late!
162
00:06:32,891 --> 00:06:35,503
Chris, like you,
I once had a choice
163
00:06:35,590 --> 00:06:39,681
between taking the hard road
or using a cheat code
164
00:06:39,768 --> 00:06:42,335
to make my life easier.
- [groans]
165
00:06:42,423 --> 00:06:44,033
- That makes Thurgood Marshall
166
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,775
our first Negro
Supreme Court Justice,
167
00:06:46,862 --> 00:06:49,560
a job that entitles him
to a lifetime salary,
168
00:06:49,647 --> 00:06:52,563
free meals, and
an endless supply of robes,
169
00:06:52,650 --> 00:06:56,219
all on the backs of white
middle-class taxpayers.
170
00:06:56,306 --> 00:06:59,135
Lots to celebrate, for him.
171
00:06:59,222 --> 00:07:01,659
- Isn't it so inspiring?
172
00:07:01,746 --> 00:07:04,532
- Yeah.
Salary, food, robes!
173
00:07:04,619 --> 00:07:06,969
Mm!
That man is set for life.
174
00:07:07,056 --> 00:07:08,231
I got to be a judge.
175
00:07:08,318 --> 00:07:11,669
[upbeat music]
176
00:07:11,756 --> 00:07:14,150
But as I pursued
my judge dream,
177
00:07:14,237 --> 00:07:17,675
I realized I misjudged
how hard it was
178
00:07:17,762 --> 00:07:21,462
to become an actual judge.
179
00:07:21,549 --> 00:07:23,594
Wait, I got to go
to law school, too?
180
00:07:23,681 --> 00:07:25,117
Shi-i-i-t.
181
00:07:25,204 --> 00:07:28,033
I started to doubt
if I'd reach my dream
182
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,035
of living that easy life.
183
00:07:30,122 --> 00:07:32,647
But the day your parents
got engaged
184
00:07:32,734 --> 00:07:35,214
was the day
I got my cheat code.
185
00:07:35,301 --> 00:07:37,913
- And he took a second job
just to pay for the ring.
186
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,525
He delivered my newspaper,
and then he delivered my heart.
187
00:07:41,612 --> 00:07:43,179
We're getting married!
188
00:07:43,266 --> 00:07:45,529
- Taking two jobs was worth it
for Rochelle.
189
00:07:45,616 --> 00:07:47,270
I'm sure it's just temporary.
190
00:07:47,357 --> 00:07:49,577
- [sobbing]
191
00:07:49,664 --> 00:07:51,927
Both of my babies are leaving.
192
00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:55,670
One's becoming a judge,
one's getting married.
193
00:07:55,757 --> 00:07:57,759
Who's gonna eat
my free cooking?
194
00:07:57,846 --> 00:08:01,023
[sobs] Whose laundry
am I gonna do?
195
00:08:01,110 --> 00:08:04,505
Who's gonna unstick me
from this couch on a hot day?
196
00:08:04,592 --> 00:08:08,117
Oh, Lord, now I'm stuck!
197
00:08:08,204 --> 00:08:11,903
[wailing]
198
00:08:11,990 --> 00:08:13,601
- Julius,
this might be too much
199
00:08:13,688 --> 00:08:15,254
for Mama to take right now.
200
00:08:15,341 --> 00:08:16,429
You know what, Mike?
201
00:08:16,517 --> 00:08:17,996
After we get married,
202
00:08:18,083 --> 00:08:20,303
Julius and I will move in
so you can go to law school.
203
00:08:20,390 --> 00:08:22,000
- Oh.
204
00:08:22,087 --> 00:08:25,308
[smooth music]
205
00:08:25,395 --> 00:08:28,354
- You hungry, baby?
206
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,313
You got to eat up
for your studies.
207
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:35,623
♪ ♪
208
00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:39,975
- As much as I love my dream,
I love you even more, 'Chelle.
209
00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:42,586
I'll stay home.
- No, Mike, you can't do that.
210
00:08:42,673 --> 00:08:45,023
- Yes, he can!
Thanks, Mike. We owe you.
211
00:08:45,110 --> 00:08:48,200
- I'm going to hold you
to that.
212
00:08:48,287 --> 00:08:52,988
Staying home gave me
financial security, free meals,
213
00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:57,340
and I still get
all the robes I need.
214
00:08:57,427 --> 00:08:58,733
- Wait a second.
215
00:08:58,820 --> 00:09:01,039
He used his story
to get out of paying me!
216
00:09:01,126 --> 00:09:04,086
That grifting man-child.
- That man is a genius.
217
00:09:04,173 --> 00:09:06,871
- He's not a genius.
He's a delusional fool.
218
00:09:06,958 --> 00:09:09,395
Right, baby?
[smooching]
219
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:10,919
- Yeah, but the point is,
220
00:09:11,006 --> 00:09:13,182
he used a cheat code
and got what he wanted.
221
00:09:13,269 --> 00:09:15,445
- Look, Chris, do you think
Mike Tyson used cheat codes
222
00:09:15,532 --> 00:09:16,881
to get where he's at?
223
00:09:16,968 --> 00:09:19,449
You trying to be like
Iron Mike or Uncle Mike?
224
00:09:19,536 --> 00:09:21,059
- Aah!
225
00:09:21,146 --> 00:09:22,887
- [snoring]
226
00:09:22,974 --> 00:09:25,455
- Back at home, my dad was
doing his best to play nice,
227
00:09:25,542 --> 00:09:28,632
but Uncle Mike was breaking
my family's biggest rule.
228
00:09:28,719 --> 00:09:29,938
- Big Man!
- Huh?
229
00:09:30,025 --> 00:09:31,940
- Just got back
from the barber.
230
00:09:32,027 --> 00:09:33,942
You want some lunch?
- No, I want some sleep!
231
00:09:34,029 --> 00:09:36,161
- I heard you got
some leftover pot pie.
232
00:09:36,248 --> 00:09:37,685
Can I have it?
233
00:09:37,772 --> 00:09:39,512
- You can make love to that
pot pie, for all I care.
234
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,036
Just get out!
235
00:09:43,821 --> 00:09:45,954
- Big Man!
What do you cook a pie at?
236
00:09:46,041 --> 00:09:48,391
- 425, uncovered
for 10 minutes.
237
00:09:48,478 --> 00:09:50,088
What am I doing?
Listen!
238
00:09:50,175 --> 00:09:53,309
Do not bother me again
unless it's an emergency!
239
00:09:53,396 --> 00:09:54,919
Got it?
240
00:09:55,006 --> 00:09:55,746
Please!
241
00:10:01,230 --> 00:10:04,320
- Big Man, emergency!
There's no pie left.
242
00:10:04,407 --> 00:10:05,974
- You did what?
243
00:10:06,061 --> 00:10:08,454
You can't just throw him out.
He's my brother!
244
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:10,413
- If I don't get my nap, then
I get tired driving my truck.
245
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:13,111
If I get tired driving
my truck, I could fall asleep.
246
00:10:13,198 --> 00:10:14,765
If I fall asleep,
I could crash.
247
00:10:14,852 --> 00:10:16,288
If I crash, I could die.
248
00:10:16,375 --> 00:10:17,899
If I die...
249
00:10:17,986 --> 00:10:20,031
[grunts]
You have to get two jobs!
250
00:10:20,118 --> 00:10:21,903
[grunts]
Is that what you want?
251
00:10:21,990 --> 00:10:23,121
- Take your stupid nap.
252
00:10:23,208 --> 00:10:25,080
I'm going to look
for my brother.
253
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:28,344
[door slams]
- [grumbling] Stupid Mike.
254
00:10:28,431 --> 00:10:30,128
Stupid pot pie.
255
00:10:30,215 --> 00:10:31,477
Stupid.
256
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:33,566
[door bells jingle]
257
00:10:33,654 --> 00:10:36,526
[hip-hop music]
258
00:10:36,613 --> 00:10:37,962
[door closes, bells jingle]
259
00:10:38,049 --> 00:10:39,616
- So, Chris,
I heard you're trying
260
00:10:39,703 --> 00:10:41,400
to get yourself a cheat code.
261
00:10:41,487 --> 00:10:43,011
- Who's cheating?
262
00:10:43,098 --> 00:10:45,013
- She's cheating
with some man named Code?
263
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:46,841
- Is that Marci's boy?
- Do he got a job?
264
00:10:46,928 --> 00:10:48,451
- Yeah, it's
for a video game contest.
265
00:10:48,538 --> 00:10:50,018
[all groan]
266
00:10:50,105 --> 00:10:51,802
- [sighs] But I'm not sure
if I should anymore.
267
00:10:51,889 --> 00:10:55,240
- He means he'd cheat if he
could, but he's too broke.
268
00:10:55,327 --> 00:10:58,026
- Using cheat codes
is a bad idea if you ask me.
269
00:10:58,113 --> 00:11:00,071
Want to hear my life story?
- No, thank you.
270
00:11:00,158 --> 00:11:03,074
- I come from a long line
of hairdressers.
271
00:11:03,161 --> 00:11:05,207
My grandmother became
the first person
272
00:11:05,294 --> 00:11:07,557
to give a white woman
cornrows.
273
00:11:07,644 --> 00:11:10,560
The community got so mad, she
was banned from doing hair,
274
00:11:10,647 --> 00:11:13,955
and our whole family looked
awful for generations.
275
00:11:14,042 --> 00:11:16,392
It was a symbol of our shame.
276
00:11:16,479 --> 00:11:18,176
- If you're so ashamed,
277
00:11:18,263 --> 00:11:20,918
then why do you have all these
sad-ass family photos up?
278
00:11:21,005 --> 00:11:23,225
Ow! Hey!
- Oops.
279
00:11:23,312 --> 00:11:25,183
I display them
as a constant reminder
280
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:28,230
that you can overcome anything.
281
00:11:28,317 --> 00:11:30,406
I put myself
through beauty school,
282
00:11:30,493 --> 00:11:33,757
opened my own salon,
and finally brought respect
283
00:11:33,844 --> 00:11:36,586
back to my family, while also
scaring away white women
284
00:11:36,673 --> 00:11:38,240
from seeking cornrows.
285
00:11:38,327 --> 00:11:39,632
- Wait, I thought
you opened this salon
286
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:41,243
with the money you got
287
00:11:41,330 --> 00:11:42,766
from jumping
in front of that Cadillac.
288
00:11:42,853 --> 00:11:44,594
That's how you won
the Bed-Stuy lottery!
289
00:11:44,681 --> 00:11:47,728
A broken neck
got you a token check!
290
00:11:47,815 --> 00:11:49,120
- I didn't purposely get hit!
291
00:11:49,207 --> 00:11:50,992
all: Mm...
292
00:11:51,079 --> 00:11:53,385
- Chris, I once had
a choice, too,
293
00:11:53,472 --> 00:11:56,084
between using a cheat code
or putting in hard work.
294
00:11:56,171 --> 00:12:00,001
Let me tell you a real story
about hard work.
295
00:12:00,088 --> 00:12:01,654
- Damn, do I have
a sign on my back that says
296
00:12:01,742 --> 00:12:02,960
"tell me your life story"?
297
00:12:03,047 --> 00:12:05,354
- I was a single mom,
298
00:12:05,441 --> 00:12:08,444
looking for the best way
to provide for Tasha.
299
00:12:08,531 --> 00:12:10,838
One day, I thought
I found a cheat code
300
00:12:10,925 --> 00:12:12,927
to earn me some quick cash.
301
00:12:13,014 --> 00:12:16,147
But I learned real quick
just how hard the job was.
302
00:12:16,234 --> 00:12:18,323
I was allergic
to the latex uniform.
303
00:12:18,410 --> 00:12:20,717
The fried-fish buffet
made me nauseous.
304
00:12:20,804 --> 00:12:23,111
And worst of all--
the spotlight was so bright,
305
00:12:23,198 --> 00:12:25,678
I couldn't see a damn thing.
306
00:12:25,766 --> 00:12:27,376
Whoa!
[crowd gasps]
307
00:12:27,463 --> 00:12:30,901
Ahh.
Now, who wants a lap dance?
308
00:12:33,512 --> 00:12:36,167
- You okay, Peaches?
- This ain't going to cut it.
309
00:12:36,254 --> 00:12:38,343
- You want to make
some real money?
310
00:12:38,430 --> 00:12:40,606
We're about to stiff
some tricks.
311
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:43,740
I slip them three of these, and
I'm getting me in some wills.
312
00:12:43,827 --> 00:12:46,177
- Now, I had a choice.
313
00:12:46,264 --> 00:12:49,137
I could get better at
stripping to make more money,
314
00:12:49,224 --> 00:12:51,182
or I could steal
from some customers.
315
00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:56,144
Nope, no shortcuts today, Tina.
316
00:12:56,231 --> 00:12:59,451
And so I put in the hard work.
317
00:12:59,538 --> 00:13:02,280
I adjusted to the spotlights.
318
00:13:04,195 --> 00:13:07,546
I found an itch cream
for the latex rashes.
319
00:13:07,633 --> 00:13:09,810
And eventually enjoyed
the fish buffet.
320
00:13:09,897 --> 00:13:12,987
And, most importantly,
I made enough money
321
00:13:13,074 --> 00:13:15,946
to get Tasha into day care
and then some!
322
00:13:16,033 --> 00:13:20,821
- Look, Mommy, it's you
without the C-section scar.
323
00:13:20,908 --> 00:13:23,475
- If I had used a cheat code
like those other girls,
324
00:13:23,562 --> 00:13:27,088
I would have ended up
just like them, in prison.
325
00:13:27,175 --> 00:13:28,480
- You did end up in prison.
326
00:13:28,567 --> 00:13:30,656
- I went to jail!
Get it right!
327
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:33,703
My point is,
I didn't use a cheat code,
328
00:13:33,790 --> 00:13:34,878
and I turned out great.
329
00:13:34,965 --> 00:13:37,141
[device beeping]
Uh-oh.
330
00:13:37,228 --> 00:13:39,578
Um, I-I got to go.
Bye, Chris.
331
00:13:39,665 --> 00:13:42,103
You know what to do.
- No. No, I have no idea.
332
00:13:42,190 --> 00:13:44,148
Y'all just confused me
even more.
333
00:13:47,717 --> 00:13:49,937
- Ooh, I'm telling Daddy
you're thinking about cheating.
334
00:13:50,024 --> 00:13:52,940
- Tonya snitching on my
Black ass for thought crimes
335
00:13:53,027 --> 00:13:55,072
was the real Minority Report.
336
00:13:55,159 --> 00:13:56,813
Just 'cause I'm thinking
about it
337
00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:58,597
doesn't mean
I'm going to do it.
338
00:13:58,684 --> 00:14:01,426
[sighs] If only
God gave me a sign.
339
00:14:01,513 --> 00:14:04,038
[tires squeal, people gasp]
- [sniffs]
340
00:14:04,125 --> 00:14:07,345
[engine revving]
341
00:14:07,432 --> 00:14:09,260
- Looks like my prayers
have been answered.
342
00:14:09,347 --> 00:14:11,697
A broken neck gets you
a token check
343
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,396
and a cheat code
for a brand-new Nintendo.
344
00:14:14,483 --> 00:14:16,093
All right.
345
00:14:16,180 --> 00:14:18,574
[tires screech, horn honks]
Oh, hell, no!
346
00:14:18,661 --> 00:14:20,619
- Ooh, I'm telling Daddy
you tried to get hit by a car
347
00:14:20,706 --> 00:14:21,969
but chickened out.
348
00:14:22,056 --> 00:14:24,449
- Damn.
Now what?
349
00:14:24,536 --> 00:14:26,016
Huh.
350
00:14:26,103 --> 00:14:28,018
[hip-hop music playing]
351
00:14:28,105 --> 00:14:29,759
[thud, screech]
Aah!
352
00:14:29,846 --> 00:14:31,108
- What the hell?
353
00:14:31,195 --> 00:14:33,894
- Oh!
You ran over my foot!
354
00:14:33,981 --> 00:14:35,852
Oh, the pain!
- [gasps]
355
00:14:35,939 --> 00:14:37,506
- The pain!
356
00:14:37,593 --> 00:14:40,248
- Boy, you messing with me?
I ran over that brick!
357
00:14:40,335 --> 00:14:42,903
- Who are the cops are going
to believe, me or that brick?
358
00:14:42,990 --> 00:14:44,556
Oh, the pain!
359
00:14:44,643 --> 00:14:47,429
Lord, don't take me now!
I have so much to live for!
360
00:14:47,516 --> 00:14:50,649
Best acting I ever did,
till I made "Grown Ups 2."
361
00:14:50,736 --> 00:14:52,695
- Damn.
We're both businessmen.
362
00:14:52,782 --> 00:14:53,914
What do you want?
363
00:14:54,001 --> 00:14:55,741
- Give me that
cheat code for free.
364
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,961
- Use the cheat code
to get a cheat code.
365
00:14:58,048 --> 00:14:59,876
Respect, young blood.
366
00:14:59,963 --> 00:15:03,314
- I still didn't know if using
cheat codes was good or bad,
367
00:15:03,401 --> 00:15:05,186
but I figured I could worry
about that
368
00:15:05,273 --> 00:15:08,493
after I won the Nintendo!
369
00:15:08,580 --> 00:15:11,714
♪ I got the cheat code,
and you don't got one ♪
370
00:15:11,801 --> 00:15:13,629
♪ Nintendo, here I come ♪
371
00:15:13,716 --> 00:15:15,892
Hey.
- Oh, that's great, Chris.
372
00:15:15,979 --> 00:15:17,633
Now you won't be a total loser.
373
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,417
- It's mine.
374
00:15:19,504 --> 00:15:20,723
- The Nintendo will keep me
and my family warm
375
00:15:20,810 --> 00:15:22,899
this cold, cold winter.
376
00:15:22,986 --> 00:15:24,553
- If we take one back to Haiti,
we can power the whole country.
377
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:27,338
- Maybe a Nintendo will make
my dad come back.
378
00:15:27,425 --> 00:15:29,558
- Damn, I thought I wanted
to use this cheat code,
379
00:15:29,645 --> 00:15:30,820
but now I don't know.
380
00:15:30,907 --> 00:15:32,300
- At least you have a choice.
381
00:15:32,387 --> 00:15:35,346
These kids are way
worse off than us.
382
00:15:35,433 --> 00:15:37,348
[beeping]
383
00:15:37,435 --> 00:15:41,048
- [gasps] "Kid, if you need
a cheat code to beat me,
384
00:15:41,135 --> 00:15:42,658
"it's okay.
385
00:15:42,745 --> 00:15:45,008
"Just be willing to live
with the consequences
386
00:15:45,095 --> 00:15:46,575
of your actions."
387
00:15:46,662 --> 00:15:49,491
Uh, thanks, champ?
388
00:15:49,578 --> 00:15:51,362
"Thank yourself.
389
00:15:51,449 --> 00:15:53,277
"I'm just your conscience.
390
00:15:53,364 --> 00:15:55,976
The real me would never give
advice without getting paid."
391
00:15:56,063 --> 00:15:58,282
- Watch it, Leon Stinks.
392
00:16:00,371 --> 00:16:03,244
- Hey, everybody,
you guys want a cheat code?
393
00:16:03,331 --> 00:16:05,986
Maybe we can all win Nintendos.
- Yes!
394
00:16:06,073 --> 00:16:07,770
This is the first time
I felt hope
395
00:16:07,857 --> 00:16:10,816
since my mom left me
at the firehouse!
396
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,644
- Hey, honey,
you have a good nap?
397
00:16:12,731 --> 00:16:13,906
- I don't know.
398
00:16:13,994 --> 00:16:15,343
Why are you being
so nice to me?
399
00:16:15,430 --> 00:16:16,997
Am I still napping?
400
00:16:17,084 --> 00:16:18,999
- Here, baby,
I fixed you a plate.
401
00:16:19,086 --> 00:16:21,523
- Thanks, 'Chelle.
What's up, Big Man?
402
00:16:21,610 --> 00:16:23,612
Oop, time
for "The People's Court."
403
00:16:23,699 --> 00:16:26,658
If not for the sacrifices
I made for this family,
404
00:16:26,745 --> 00:16:30,227
me and Judge Wapner
could've been judge friends.
405
00:16:30,314 --> 00:16:31,750
- I see you found Mike.
406
00:16:31,837 --> 00:16:33,361
Well, I found my size-12 boot
407
00:16:33,448 --> 00:16:35,276
so I can kick his ass
out again.
408
00:16:35,363 --> 00:16:37,582
[bell dings]
409
00:16:37,669 --> 00:16:41,673
- Chris, take Drew and Tonya
to get haircuts, now.
410
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,588
- Uh, Chris and Drew
aren't here.
411
00:16:43,675 --> 00:16:45,590
And we already got
haircuts today.
412
00:16:45,677 --> 00:16:48,724
- Then go watch TV
with Uncle Mike!
413
00:16:48,811 --> 00:16:50,856
- Damn it, woman! Why are you
always taking his side?
414
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:53,555
All he ever takes is seconds.
- Because we owe him.
415
00:16:53,642 --> 00:16:56,079
Without Mike, we wouldn't be
so goddamn happy right now!
416
00:16:56,166 --> 00:16:57,515
- [whispering] Don't you see
he's a guilt-tripper
417
00:16:57,602 --> 00:16:58,821
just like your mom?
418
00:16:58,908 --> 00:17:00,649
He's guilt-tripped
you your whole life,
419
00:17:00,736 --> 00:17:02,564
and he's doing it again now!
- No, he's not.
420
00:17:02,651 --> 00:17:04,740
[gavel bangs on TV loudly]
Mike, can you turn it down
421
00:17:04,827 --> 00:17:06,829
so me and Julius
can argue in peace, please?
422
00:17:06,916 --> 00:17:08,439
- I can't hear you!
423
00:17:08,526 --> 00:17:10,659
My eardrums are blown out
from years of listening
424
00:17:10,746 --> 00:17:12,661
to Mama's CPAP machine.
425
00:17:12,748 --> 00:17:14,967
You sure are lucky you left.
426
00:17:15,055 --> 00:17:18,014
- Okay, keep it
as loud as you want.
427
00:17:18,101 --> 00:17:19,798
Oh, okay, you're right!
428
00:17:19,885 --> 00:17:22,627
He is a guilt-tripper,
but he's my brother, Julius.
429
00:17:22,714 --> 00:17:24,368
I don't know
how to say no to him.
430
00:17:24,455 --> 00:17:27,328
- All you have to do is talk
to him and be honest.
431
00:17:27,415 --> 00:17:30,113
I'll be in your corner
the whole time.
432
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,290
- Fine.
I'll ask him to leave.
433
00:17:33,377 --> 00:17:36,163
- While my mom was about
to battle Uncle Mike,
434
00:17:36,250 --> 00:17:38,556
it was almost my turn
to battle Iron Mike.
435
00:17:38,643 --> 00:17:40,167
[all cheer]
436
00:17:40,254 --> 00:17:42,821
[lo-fi electronic music]
437
00:17:42,908 --> 00:17:48,131
♪ ♪
438
00:17:48,218 --> 00:17:49,611
[beeping]
439
00:17:49,698 --> 00:17:51,787
[all cheering]
440
00:17:51,874 --> 00:17:54,050
♪ ♪
441
00:17:54,137 --> 00:17:56,139
- Chris, you're up.
442
00:17:56,226 --> 00:17:59,099
[hip-hop music]
443
00:17:59,186 --> 00:18:01,188
♪ ♪
444
00:18:01,275 --> 00:18:03,973
Keep your head in the game.
You can do this.
445
00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:06,454
- Okay, Rochelle,
you can do this.
446
00:18:06,541 --> 00:18:11,067
- Mike, I love you,
but I think it's time you left.
447
00:18:11,154 --> 00:18:12,982
- Get him, Mama!
- That's it, baby!
448
00:18:13,069 --> 00:18:15,376
- [grunts]
- Yeah, that's it, baby!
449
00:18:15,463 --> 00:18:17,073
- Why are you
calling me "baby"?
450
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,119
- Why are you talking to me?
Focus!
451
00:18:19,206 --> 00:18:21,512
- Okay, what you got, Mike?
[bell dings]
452
00:18:21,599 --> 00:18:23,297
- Okay, what you got, Mike?
453
00:18:23,384 --> 00:18:25,212
- You promised me
I could stay longer.
454
00:18:25,299 --> 00:18:27,475
And I kept my promise
to live with our parents
455
00:18:27,562 --> 00:18:29,564
so you can go off
and get married.
456
00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:31,740
So now you have to keep yours.
[plate clatters]
457
00:18:31,827 --> 00:18:33,481
- I--Ooh.
458
00:18:33,568 --> 00:18:35,570
- Oh, that's okay.
We knew he'd throw that one.
459
00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:37,093
Stay strong, Rochelle!
[bell dings]
460
00:18:37,180 --> 00:18:39,182
- Stay strong, Chris.
You got this!
461
00:18:39,269 --> 00:18:41,445
- [slurps]
- Ugh!
462
00:18:41,532 --> 00:18:43,273
- Ooh, he nailed you
good with that hook!
463
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:44,883
- Ugh!
- And that jab.
464
00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:46,276
- Ugh!
- And that uppercut.
465
00:18:46,363 --> 00:18:48,148
Oh, don't give up, Chris!
466
00:18:48,235 --> 00:18:51,803
- You can't give up, Rochelle.
You got this.
467
00:18:51,890 --> 00:18:54,632
- Mike, I'll always be grateful
for what you did,
468
00:18:54,719 --> 00:18:57,722
but I can't let you
guilt-push me around anymore!
469
00:18:57,809 --> 00:19:00,682
- Well, if that's how you feel,
I guess I'll go.
470
00:19:00,769 --> 00:19:03,728
But the news you threw your
beloved brother to the curb
471
00:19:03,815 --> 00:19:05,426
is going to be hard on Mama
472
00:19:05,513 --> 00:19:08,342
and her already-fragile
pacemaker.
473
00:19:08,429 --> 00:19:10,518
[both gasp]
- Oh, no, he didn't.
474
00:19:10,605 --> 00:19:11,910
- [breathing heavily]
475
00:19:11,997 --> 00:19:13,390
- Whoa!
- Ha ha!
476
00:19:13,477 --> 00:19:15,610
You're going to lose,
Blacky Balboa!
477
00:19:15,697 --> 00:19:17,046
- Not today, I'm not.
478
00:19:17,133 --> 00:19:19,570
I didn't cheat my way
this far not to win!
479
00:19:19,657 --> 00:19:22,617
all: Whoa.
[gasp]
480
00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:24,967
- Go for the knockout, Chris!
481
00:19:25,054 --> 00:19:28,188
- Go for the knockout,
Rochelle!
482
00:19:28,275 --> 00:19:30,538
- Fine, tell Mama
I'm kicking you out.
483
00:19:30,625 --> 00:19:32,235
While you're at it,
also tell her
484
00:19:32,322 --> 00:19:34,411
you messed up
Drew's karate belt,
485
00:19:34,498 --> 00:19:36,935
broke Tonya's doll,
ruined Julius' work shirt,
486
00:19:37,022 --> 00:19:41,201
and made those calls
to 1-900-HOOCHIE!
487
00:19:41,288 --> 00:19:43,638
Or maybe I should call her.
- [gasps]
488
00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:45,770
On second thought,
I just remembered--
489
00:19:45,857 --> 00:19:48,556
my special lady friend
lives a few blocks away
490
00:19:48,643 --> 00:19:50,079
and can put me up.
491
00:19:50,166 --> 00:19:53,082
So see y'all at Thanksgiving
for ten days!
492
00:19:53,169 --> 00:19:56,781
And, also, please have
some turkey pot pie.
493
00:19:56,868 --> 00:19:59,001
[door slams]
- [huffs]
494
00:19:59,088 --> 00:20:01,177
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Way to go, Mama!
495
00:20:01,264 --> 00:20:02,483
- You did it, baby!
496
00:20:02,570 --> 00:20:04,180
He's someone else's
problem now.
497
00:20:04,267 --> 00:20:06,617
- Yes! I am the champ
of the living room.
498
00:20:06,704 --> 00:20:09,316
I am the champ of the family!
499
00:20:09,403 --> 00:20:12,057
- And my parents' cheat code
to a happier life
500
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:13,494
was having each other.
501
00:20:16,410 --> 00:20:17,846
- Yo, you're about
to win, Chris!
502
00:20:17,933 --> 00:20:19,369
Go for the super uppercut!
503
00:20:19,456 --> 00:20:20,892
- [breathes deeply]
504
00:20:20,979 --> 00:20:22,720
[game beeping]
505
00:20:22,807 --> 00:20:25,070
- Yes!
You knocked him down!
506
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:28,683
all:
One, two, three, four,
507
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:33,122
five, six, seven, eight, nine--
508
00:20:33,209 --> 00:20:34,906
[electricity zaps,
all groan]
509
00:20:34,993 --> 00:20:37,257
- Huh?
Are you kidding me?
510
00:20:37,344 --> 00:20:38,954
- Oh, no!
511
00:20:39,041 --> 00:20:42,044
Looks like a totally random
and unexpected power outage!
512
00:20:42,131 --> 00:20:45,177
Sorry, kids,
the promotion is canceled.
513
00:20:45,265 --> 00:20:48,180
- That day, I learned
a valuable lesson.
514
00:20:48,268 --> 00:20:51,096
Even if you got a cheat code
to make life easier,
515
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,664
there's always somebody
with a better one
516
00:20:53,751 --> 00:20:55,100
to screw you over.
517
00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:57,581
- Way to go, Muhammad A-Loser!
518
00:20:57,668 --> 00:20:59,540
- [grunts] Why?
519
00:20:59,627 --> 00:21:04,545
- ♪ Everybody
still hates Chris ♪
520
00:21:04,632 --> 00:21:06,764
♪ Oh, oh ♪
521
00:21:10,028 --> 00:21:12,901
[lo-fi electronic music]
522
00:21:12,988 --> 00:21:19,864
♪ ♪
523
00:21:36,054 --> 00:21:40,054
- ♪ MTV ♪
524
00:21:40,054 --> 00:21:45,054
DOWNLOADED FROM WWW.AWAFIM.TV
525
00:21:40,054 --> 00:21:50,054
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