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1
00:00:04,859 --> 00:00:07,362
[upbeat music]
2
00:00:07,362 --> 00:00:09,398
- There's a moment
in every boy's life
3
00:00:09,398 --> 00:00:10,865
when he becomes a man.
4
00:00:10,865 --> 00:00:13,568
And in that moment
is when he realizes
5
00:00:13,568 --> 00:00:15,537
that instead of buying
cologne,
6
00:00:15,537 --> 00:00:19,374
he can just rock free samples
from inside men's magazines.
7
00:00:19,374 --> 00:00:23,178
If I wear this, I'm going home
with at least four numbers.
8
00:00:23,178 --> 00:00:25,214
[inhales]
That's that good musk.
9
00:00:25,214 --> 00:00:26,948
- We're gonna pull
all kinds of ladies
10
00:00:26,948 --> 00:00:28,417
at Spiegelman's party tomorrow.
11
00:00:28,417 --> 00:00:30,452
I heard the last one,
they played Manishewitz bong.
12
00:00:30,452 --> 00:00:32,020
- I can't believe
we got invited.
13
00:00:32,020 --> 00:00:35,056
- So we actually didn't.
14
00:00:35,056 --> 00:00:36,125
- Then why am I rubbing
15
00:00:36,125 --> 00:00:37,626
Billy Dee's balls
all over my neck?
16
00:00:37,626 --> 00:00:39,228
- First of all,
his name is Lando.
17
00:00:39,228 --> 00:00:40,795
And relax,
I overheard Spiegelman
18
00:00:40,795 --> 00:00:42,564
talking about it when I was
stuffed in a locker.
19
00:00:42,564 --> 00:00:44,399
Overhearing is
basically an invitation.
20
00:00:44,399 --> 00:00:46,701
- And Greg was
basically a loser.
21
00:00:46,701 --> 00:00:48,403
- But he said there's gonna be
a ton of food,
22
00:00:48,403 --> 00:00:50,572
it could go all weekend,
and Spiegelman's cousins
23
00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,974
are coming from Connecticut--
the girl cousins.
24
00:00:52,974 --> 00:00:54,909
Out-of-town girls
love to put out.
25
00:00:54,909 --> 00:00:56,211
- Good enough for me.
26
00:00:56,211 --> 00:00:58,213
I just need to get
permission from my mom.
27
00:00:58,213 --> 00:01:00,182
Wait. Is it seriously 7:25?
28
00:01:00,182 --> 00:01:01,950
If I break curfew,
I'll need permission
29
00:01:01,950 --> 00:01:03,518
from my mom to breathe again.
30
00:01:03,518 --> 00:01:05,354
- I'd have my dad give you
a ride, but this time of night,
31
00:01:05,354 --> 00:01:07,222
he's parked somewhere,
crying in his car.
32
00:01:07,222 --> 00:01:11,760
- [sobs] No one respects me.
33
00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:13,962
- [breathing heavily]
34
00:01:13,962 --> 00:01:16,831
These white folks were acting
like I was the scariest thing
35
00:01:16,831 --> 00:01:18,233
in the neighborhood.
36
00:01:18,233 --> 00:01:20,169
[menacing music]
37
00:01:20,169 --> 00:01:22,036
- [shouts]
[glass shatters]
38
00:01:22,171 --> 00:01:25,174
[dog whines]
39
00:01:25,174 --> 00:01:26,808
- I wasn't.
40
00:01:26,808 --> 00:01:28,277
[dramatic notes]
41
00:01:28,277 --> 00:01:30,779
Uh...
- You lost?
42
00:01:30,779 --> 00:01:32,781
- That's what
the Native Americans said
43
00:01:32,781 --> 00:01:34,183
when you showed up.
44
00:01:34,183 --> 00:01:35,650
- You take that train
right there,
45
00:01:35,650 --> 00:01:38,653
and you get back
to where you belong.
46
00:01:38,653 --> 00:01:39,788
- [gasping]
47
00:01:39,788 --> 00:01:42,324
- I better never
see you here again.
48
00:01:42,324 --> 00:01:45,093
- The KKK in NYC?
49
00:01:45,194 --> 00:01:48,197
All I could think was, GTFO.
50
00:01:48,197 --> 00:01:51,500
[upbeat hip-hop music]
51
00:01:52,401 --> 00:01:53,902
While I was running
from the Klan,
52
00:01:53,902 --> 00:01:56,471
Drew and Tonya were--
wait, they're at the movies
53
00:01:56,471 --> 00:01:57,906
while I'm running
from the Klan?
54
00:01:57,906 --> 00:01:59,908
- Finally, "Karate Dad 2."
55
00:01:59,908 --> 00:02:02,244
I can't believe it's been
six weeks since the first one.
56
00:02:02,244 --> 00:02:05,614
- There's nothing my dad
loved more than a B movie,
57
00:02:05,614 --> 00:02:07,282
but those were expensive.
58
00:02:07,282 --> 00:02:09,050
So we went to C movies.
59
00:02:09,050 --> 00:02:10,819
- [gasps]
60
00:02:10,819 --> 00:02:13,054
[sultry music]
61
00:02:13,054 --> 00:02:16,825
Daddy, do I really have to see
the same movie as you guys?
62
00:02:16,825 --> 00:02:18,860
- Why, baby?
Do you want to see
63
00:02:18,860 --> 00:02:20,695
"Adrienne Goes to Camp"
instead?
64
00:02:20,695 --> 00:02:22,464
- Uh, yeah.
65
00:02:22,464 --> 00:02:25,033
You know how much I love
the other Adrienne movies.
66
00:02:25,033 --> 00:02:27,902
"Adrienne Goes to Space,"
"Adrienne Goes to War,"
67
00:02:27,902 --> 00:02:29,904
"Adrienne Goes to Tampa."
68
00:02:29,904 --> 00:02:33,442
- Drew also liked C movies,
but he loved having
69
00:02:33,442 --> 00:02:35,477
his very own action hero more.
70
00:02:35,477 --> 00:02:38,447
- Dad, you would kick
that alien's ass,
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00:02:38,447 --> 00:02:40,382
which I guess is
also his mouth.
72
00:02:40,382 --> 00:02:41,683
- You got that right.
73
00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:44,118
I would put my foot
all up in that ass-mouth.
74
00:02:44,253 --> 00:02:48,122
[exciting music]
75
00:02:48,257 --> 00:02:49,358
Why is this light on?
76
00:02:49,358 --> 00:02:51,593
That's 4 yen worth
of electricity.
77
00:02:51,593 --> 00:02:53,662
- Wax on, lights off.
78
00:02:53,662 --> 00:02:55,530
- I don't know
how to tie a tie.
79
00:02:55,530 --> 00:03:00,269
- [vocalizing]
80
00:03:01,135 --> 00:03:04,606
- We're here to stop you
from being such a good dad.
81
00:03:04,606 --> 00:03:06,741
- If I don't survive,
take my place
82
00:03:06,741 --> 00:03:08,443
as the protector
of our family.
83
00:03:08,443 --> 00:03:10,579
Your older brother is useless.
84
00:03:12,814 --> 00:03:14,383
Gah!
85
00:03:14,383 --> 00:03:17,919
- I can't believe Tonya wanted
to see "Adrienne Goes to Camp."
86
00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:19,354
- She didn't.
87
00:03:19,354 --> 00:03:20,622
- It's so scandalous
88
00:03:20,622 --> 00:03:22,391
that you're
my fiancé's brother.
89
00:03:22,391 --> 00:03:24,359
- Our love can never be.
90
00:03:24,359 --> 00:03:25,894
- Yes, it can!
- Shh.
91
00:03:25,894 --> 00:03:27,696
- You shush.
92
00:03:27,696 --> 00:03:29,764
- I couldn't let
my mom find out about
93
00:03:29,764 --> 00:03:31,733
my run-in with the KKK,
94
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,968
or that would mean
no Spiegelman party.
95
00:03:33,968 --> 00:03:37,572
[panting]
96
00:03:39,841 --> 00:03:41,310
- Cutting it close, Chris.
97
00:03:41,310 --> 00:03:42,477
[dramatic musical sting]
98
00:03:42,477 --> 00:03:43,912
Two more minutes,
and I would have opened
99
00:03:43,912 --> 00:03:46,014
a can of sleepy time whup-ass.
100
00:03:46,014 --> 00:03:47,749
- I was gonna call collect,
but I knew
101
00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:49,150
you wouldn't accept
the charges.
102
00:03:49,150 --> 00:03:50,619
- At $0.54 a minute?
103
00:03:50,619 --> 00:03:52,387
Do you want your father
to leave me?
104
00:03:52,387 --> 00:03:53,555
- Good point, Mom.
105
00:03:53,555 --> 00:03:55,357
Well, I'm gonna go wash up.
106
00:03:55,357 --> 00:03:56,691
- Wash up?
107
00:03:56,691 --> 00:03:58,460
Are you a 45-year-old banker
having an affair?
108
00:03:58,460 --> 00:03:59,461
What's going on with you?
109
00:03:59,461 --> 00:04:00,795
- Nothing.
110
00:04:00,795 --> 00:04:02,564
Well, good night.
- [sniffs]
111
00:04:02,564 --> 00:04:04,333
Why do you smell like
the old guy at the club?
112
00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:05,567
- I was at Greg's.
113
00:04:05,567 --> 00:04:06,835
You know
that's his signature scent.
114
00:04:06,835 --> 00:04:08,370
- Chris, tell me
what's going on.
115
00:04:08,370 --> 00:04:09,571
- Nothing.
116
00:04:09,571 --> 00:04:11,673
- Well, Greg already told me.
- How?
117
00:04:11,673 --> 00:04:13,442
Greg wasn't with me
when I ran into the KKK.
118
00:04:13,442 --> 00:04:14,576
- The KK-what?
119
00:04:14,576 --> 00:04:15,944
- Oop. Damn it.
120
00:04:15,944 --> 00:04:18,179
- In New York City?
- I know.
121
00:04:18,179 --> 00:04:20,782
How do they keep those sheets
white in these grimy streets?
122
00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:23,251
[dramatic music]
123
00:04:23,352 --> 00:04:24,753
- You think this is a joke?
124
00:04:24,753 --> 00:04:26,621
- No, I--
- Go to your room.
125
00:04:26,621 --> 00:04:28,690
- Mom, it wasn't as bad
as you think.
126
00:04:28,690 --> 00:04:30,392
- Boy, I said go to your room.
127
00:04:30,392 --> 00:04:32,193
We'll deal with this tomorrow.
128
00:04:32,193 --> 00:04:33,795
- [sighs]
129
00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:35,997
Well, so much for meeting
Spiegelman's girl cousins,
130
00:04:35,997 --> 00:04:39,133
Shalom, Shoshana,
Liat, and Tamar.
131
00:04:39,133 --> 00:04:42,103
I'm renaming
my left hand Leah.
132
00:04:42,937 --> 00:04:44,373
- What a great movie.
133
00:04:44,373 --> 00:04:46,408
How about that scene where
Karate Dad beat the villain
134
00:04:46,408 --> 00:04:47,842
with his baby's car seat?
135
00:04:47,842 --> 00:04:50,579
- And he still made it
to his colonoscopy on time.
136
00:04:50,579 --> 00:04:53,415
- Or when the woman realizes
she was marrying a good boy,
137
00:04:53,415 --> 00:04:56,518
but she wanted a bad boy...
138
00:04:56,518 --> 00:04:58,019
at camp?
139
00:04:58,019 --> 00:05:00,889
- What the hell kind of camp
did Adrienne go to?
140
00:05:00,889 --> 00:05:04,459
[trio harmonizing]
141
00:05:04,459 --> 00:05:06,160
- Can I help y'all?
142
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:09,598
- * How did your head ♪
all: * Get so shiny? ♪
143
00:05:09,598 --> 00:05:11,232
- So shiny.
[laughter]
144
00:05:11,232 --> 00:05:14,168
- A big thing in the '80s
was a cappella,
145
00:05:14,168 --> 00:05:15,837
singing without instruments.
146
00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:17,839
But if these boys
messed with my dad,
147
00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:19,608
they'd be singing
without teeth.
148
00:05:19,608 --> 00:05:20,875
- Just get off my stoop.
149
00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:21,843
[dramatic music]
150
00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:26,080
[vocalizing]
151
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,249
- Hmm.
- Nah, man.
152
00:05:28,249 --> 00:05:31,152
♪ Are you hearing
these acoustics? ♪
153
00:05:31,152 --> 00:05:33,455
- You do not want to mess
with my dad.
154
00:05:33,455 --> 00:05:35,424
- Oh, is that so?
155
00:05:35,424 --> 00:05:38,860
[tense music]
156
00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:40,261
[grunts]
- Ah!
157
00:05:40,261 --> 00:05:42,296
- Damn, he flinched.
158
00:05:42,431 --> 00:05:45,434
Mr. Potato Head flinched.
159
00:05:45,434 --> 00:05:47,135
[laughter]
160
00:05:47,135 --> 00:05:49,838
- That was the first time
Drew saw our dad get punked.
161
00:05:49,838 --> 00:05:51,806
He went from Karate Dad to...
162
00:05:51,806 --> 00:05:54,275
[declining music]
163
00:05:54,275 --> 00:05:55,844
The Flincher!
164
00:05:55,844 --> 00:05:59,548
- [high-pitched] Come on.
We're going inside.
165
00:05:59,548 --> 00:06:00,982
- [groans]
166
00:06:00,982 --> 00:06:03,084
- I knew I wasn't
leaving the house again
167
00:06:03,084 --> 00:06:05,620
until Martin Luther King's
dream came true,
168
00:06:05,620 --> 00:06:06,955
so I was getting comfortable
169
00:06:06,955 --> 00:06:09,123
with the idea
of sitting my Black ass
170
00:06:09,123 --> 00:06:11,325
on my bed for the rest of--
171
00:06:11,460 --> 00:06:13,895
- Chris, get your
Black ass in here!
172
00:06:17,298 --> 00:06:19,568
- Is this for me?
173
00:06:19,568 --> 00:06:20,835
- Oh, dang it.
174
00:06:20,835 --> 00:06:22,571
I forgot your favorite cereal.
175
00:06:22,571 --> 00:06:24,138
- [gasps]
176
00:06:25,073 --> 00:06:27,642
- Mmm. This food is amazing.
177
00:06:27,642 --> 00:06:29,478
Wait. Is Grandma sick?
178
00:06:29,478 --> 00:06:31,913
Did Chris call you collect,
and now Daddy's leaving?
179
00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:35,116
[gasps] Is El DeBarge dead?
180
00:06:35,116 --> 00:06:36,518
- No, that ain't for you.
181
00:06:36,518 --> 00:06:37,952
If you want something,
there's a store
182
00:06:37,952 --> 00:06:40,088
around the corner.
- [scoffs]
183
00:06:40,088 --> 00:06:42,491
- What's the occasion?
My funeral?
184
00:06:42,491 --> 00:06:44,959
- The occasion is me
taking care of my baby
185
00:06:44,959 --> 00:06:46,995
after what he went
through yesterday.
186
00:06:46,995 --> 00:06:48,930
Now, hurry up and eat.
I borrowed Nessa's car,
187
00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:50,999
and we're going to the arcade.
188
00:06:50,999 --> 00:06:52,967
- If this was gonna be
her reaction,
189
00:06:52,967 --> 00:06:55,069
I was gonna play the KKK card
190
00:06:55,069 --> 00:06:57,506
all the way
to Spiegelman's party.
191
00:06:57,506 --> 00:07:00,308
- Drew, there's a 2:00 PM
showing of "Chef Assassin."
192
00:07:00,509 --> 00:07:03,344
If the bullets don't kill you,
the seasoning will.
193
00:07:04,713 --> 00:07:06,648
[high-pitched]
Wanna go?
194
00:07:06,648 --> 00:07:09,183
- [sighs] No, I'm all right.
195
00:07:09,183 --> 00:07:11,786
- But he kicks ass
in three courses.
196
00:07:11,786 --> 00:07:14,155
- I just want to get
a head start
197
00:07:14,155 --> 00:07:15,524
on next month's homework.
198
00:07:15,524 --> 00:07:18,660
- Really?
Well, if you change your mind,
199
00:07:18,660 --> 00:07:20,228
you know where to find me.
200
00:07:22,063 --> 00:07:24,733
[normally]
What's going on with him?
201
00:07:24,733 --> 00:07:28,069
- Seeing that sexy movie
awakened a desire in Tonya
202
00:07:28,069 --> 00:07:31,072
she'd never felt before:
desire.
203
00:07:31,072 --> 00:07:34,042
all: * Ooh, bah-dah ♪
204
00:07:34,042 --> 00:07:35,544
- Excuse me.
205
00:07:35,544 --> 00:07:38,780
Me and my long-lost sister
are trying to catch up.
206
00:07:38,780 --> 00:07:42,684
- [frog croaks]
- [vocalizing]
207
00:07:42,684 --> 00:07:44,452
- Can you just leave him alone?
208
00:07:44,553 --> 00:07:47,055
- Who's gonna make us,
your flinching dad?
209
00:07:47,055 --> 00:07:49,057
Ooh, now that's a jam, fellas.
210
00:07:49,057 --> 00:07:51,826
all: * You got
a flinching dad ♪
211
00:07:51,826 --> 00:07:53,562
♪ Your daddy's a flinch ♪
212
00:07:53,562 --> 00:07:56,565
- Turns out my sister was
like every other girl I knew.
213
00:07:56,565 --> 00:07:58,933
She had a soft spot
for light-skinned brothers
214
00:07:58,933 --> 00:08:00,569
who could sing.
215
00:08:00,569 --> 00:08:01,636
- Wow.
216
00:08:01,636 --> 00:08:04,573
- Come on, sis.
[frog croaks]
217
00:08:08,109 --> 00:08:09,711
- So I'm thinking
"Donkey Kong" first,
218
00:08:09,711 --> 00:08:11,946
then "Punch-Out,"
"Ms. Pac-Man" for the lady--
219
00:08:11,946 --> 00:08:14,916
- Hold up, you thought we were
here to play some video games?
220
00:08:14,916 --> 00:08:16,217
- Yeah.
221
00:08:16,217 --> 00:08:17,686
- I told you I was gonna
take care of you.
222
00:08:17,686 --> 00:08:20,589
So today, you're enrolled
in your mama's
223
00:08:20,589 --> 00:08:21,990
You Ain't White Academy.
224
00:08:21,990 --> 00:08:23,357
- My mama's what?
225
00:08:23,357 --> 00:08:25,594
- Lesson one: don't ever be
the only Black boy
226
00:08:25,594 --> 00:08:27,596
in a group of white kids
acting up,
227
00:08:27,596 --> 00:08:30,899
'cause when things go down,
they'll never have your back.
228
00:08:30,899 --> 00:08:32,901
- Is there a GED
for this school?
229
00:08:32,901 --> 00:08:34,903
- There's a GET
your ass whupped
230
00:08:34,903 --> 00:08:35,937
if you don't pay attention.
231
00:08:35,937 --> 00:08:37,138
Focus!
232
00:08:37,138 --> 00:08:38,807
- Well, so much
for the arcade.
233
00:08:38,807 --> 00:08:40,809
If I wanted to go
to Spiegelman's party,
234
00:08:40,809 --> 00:08:43,377
I'd have to do
like I did in school
235
00:08:43,377 --> 00:08:45,446
and say what the teacher
wanted to hear.
236
00:08:45,446 --> 00:08:47,916
Thank you, Mother,
for the opportunity
237
00:08:47,916 --> 00:08:49,283
to soak up your wisdom.
238
00:08:49,283 --> 00:08:51,052
You know, the world is
239
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:52,486
scarier than ever
for young Black men--
240
00:08:52,621 --> 00:08:54,322
- You trying to play me
in my borrowed car?
241
00:08:54,322 --> 00:08:56,224
You know, this is about more
242
00:08:56,224 --> 00:08:58,492
than just one ugly guy
in a hood.
243
00:08:58,627 --> 00:09:00,161
- What makes you
so sure he's ugly?
244
00:09:00,161 --> 00:09:01,362
- If you look like
Robert Redford,
245
00:09:01,362 --> 00:09:02,931
you don't cover your face.
246
00:09:02,931 --> 00:09:05,466
Besides, a bigger problem
than a fool in bed sheets
247
00:09:05,466 --> 00:09:07,501
are the racists who seem
like regular people.
248
00:09:07,636 --> 00:09:09,638
- She means Americans.
249
00:09:09,638 --> 00:09:11,239
Mom, I learned this in school.
250
00:09:11,239 --> 00:09:12,974
- Well, I lived it,
251
00:09:12,974 --> 00:09:15,944
in South Carolina, in the '50s.
252
00:09:15,944 --> 00:09:18,346
I saw some things, boy.
253
00:09:18,346 --> 00:09:20,081
- [sighs] OK.
254
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:21,382
What's the next lesson?
255
00:09:26,921 --> 00:09:28,189
- You hungry?
256
00:09:28,189 --> 00:09:30,091
I got a egg sandwich
coming your way.
257
00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:31,459
[gasps]
258
00:09:31,459 --> 00:09:33,261
[high-pitched] Ow, ow!
Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
259
00:09:33,261 --> 00:09:34,729
Ooh, ow! Hot, hot, hot!
260
00:09:34,729 --> 00:09:37,165
If I don't survive,
you must take my place
261
00:09:37,165 --> 00:09:39,367
as the protector
of our family.
262
00:09:39,367 --> 00:09:41,836
- How about I make you
an egg sandwich, Dad?
263
00:09:41,836 --> 00:09:43,004
- No, I got it.
264
00:09:43,004 --> 00:09:45,306
- No, I'm stepping up.
265
00:09:45,306 --> 00:09:47,676
It'll be a flinch--
I mean, cinch.
266
00:09:47,676 --> 00:09:50,679
- Wait, is that why you've been
acting all funny-style?
267
00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:53,748
- [sighs]
You just kind of backed down
268
00:09:53,748 --> 00:09:55,083
with those singers.
269
00:09:55,083 --> 00:09:58,352
- Son, being strong isn't
about hitting people or--
270
00:09:58,352 --> 00:09:59,954
[high-pitched]
Meep, meep, meep,
271
00:09:59,954 --> 00:10:03,024
meep, meep, meep, meep, meep,
meep, meep, meep, meep, meep.
272
00:10:03,024 --> 00:10:04,893
Are you even listening?
273
00:10:04,893 --> 00:10:08,329
- It's cool.
I'm not even hungry anymore.
274
00:10:08,329 --> 00:10:11,599
- Have you lost respect
for meep?
275
00:10:11,599 --> 00:10:13,668
- OK, lesson 12:
276
00:10:13,668 --> 00:10:16,104
a lot of people think
shoplifting is no big deal,
277
00:10:16,104 --> 00:10:17,538
and it's not if you're white,
278
00:10:17,538 --> 00:10:20,341
which, as we've discussed,
you ain't.
279
00:10:21,876 --> 00:10:22,944
[bell dings]
280
00:10:22,944 --> 00:10:24,545
If you shoplift,
you better make sure
281
00:10:24,545 --> 00:10:27,648
you're ready to do 50 to life
over a pack of Nutter Butters.
282
00:10:27,648 --> 00:10:29,751
- Excuse me, that lady just--
283
00:10:29,751 --> 00:10:32,353
- Lesson 13:
mind your damn business.
284
00:10:32,353 --> 00:10:35,323
[hip-hop music playing]
285
00:10:35,323 --> 00:10:38,126
♪ ♪
286
00:10:38,126 --> 00:10:40,962
- Traffic, weather
and "Rhapsody in Blue"
287
00:10:40,962 --> 00:10:42,697
every ten minutes.
288
00:10:42,697 --> 00:10:43,865
- Hey.
289
00:10:43,865 --> 00:10:45,499
- It's not what you want
to listen to.
290
00:10:45,499 --> 00:10:47,101
It's what the cop wants
to listen to
291
00:10:47,101 --> 00:10:48,402
in case you get pulled over.
292
00:10:48,402 --> 00:10:49,738
That's lesson 23.
293
00:10:49,738 --> 00:10:51,740
- I'm not gonna get
pulled over.
294
00:10:51,740 --> 00:10:52,673
[sirens chirp]
295
00:10:52,673 --> 00:10:55,043
- Lesson 24: yes, you will.
296
00:10:55,043 --> 00:10:56,244
- But I didn't do anything.
297
00:10:56,244 --> 00:10:57,578
- Half of jail
didn't do anything.
298
00:10:57,578 --> 00:10:59,714
Both hands on the wheel.
Look confident.
299
00:10:59,714 --> 00:11:01,983
I didn't say cocky.
Wallet on the dash.
300
00:11:01,983 --> 00:11:04,485
Keep them hands on the wheel.
- How can I--
301
00:11:04,485 --> 00:11:06,487
- When the cop walks up,
make eye contact,
302
00:11:06,487 --> 00:11:07,621
but don't eyeball him.
303
00:11:07,756 --> 00:11:09,090
- What?
That doesn't make sense.
304
00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:10,191
[knock on window]
305
00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:11,525
- Take a deep breath.
306
00:11:11,525 --> 00:11:14,595
- [breathes deeply]
307
00:11:15,764 --> 00:11:17,631
[gasps]
Nessa? You're a cop?
308
00:11:17,766 --> 00:11:19,901
- No, I'm an actor.
309
00:11:19,901 --> 00:11:23,371
I studied at the distinguished
Nipsey Russell's Junior College
310
00:11:23,371 --> 00:11:27,241
of Night School
and Auto Repair and--yeah.
311
00:11:27,241 --> 00:11:28,442
I played my role, Chelle.
312
00:11:28,442 --> 00:11:29,778
Give me my car back.
313
00:11:29,778 --> 00:11:31,212
- No, Nessa! Drive, Chris.
314
00:11:31,212 --> 00:11:32,881
Boy, just drive!
[tires squeal]
315
00:11:32,881 --> 00:11:34,315
- Give it back!
316
00:11:34,315 --> 00:11:38,486
Ooh, these extensions hitting
me all up in my eye, oh.
317
00:11:38,486 --> 00:11:40,654
- I can't believe
you had Nessa do that.
318
00:11:40,789 --> 00:11:42,857
What's next, sending in someone
to rob this place?
319
00:11:42,857 --> 00:11:45,693
- If Jerome would have
done it for $10, yes.
320
00:11:45,794 --> 00:11:47,528
- This is stressing me out
like real school.
321
00:11:47,528 --> 00:11:49,097
- What can I get you?
322
00:11:49,097 --> 00:11:50,331
- A cheeseburger and a Coke.
323
00:11:50,331 --> 00:11:51,565
- Just a strawberry shake.
324
00:11:51,565 --> 00:11:53,067
- He'll take a Coke.
325
00:11:53,067 --> 00:11:54,335
Don't forget, you ain't white.
326
00:11:54,335 --> 00:11:55,804
You're Blacktose intolerant.
327
00:11:55,804 --> 00:11:57,705
- All right,
I'll call you guys up.
328
00:11:57,806 --> 00:11:58,807
- Thanks.
329
00:11:58,807 --> 00:11:59,808
And?
330
00:11:59,808 --> 00:12:02,576
- Um, thanks for your business.
331
00:12:02,576 --> 00:12:04,846
Hambur--bye.
332
00:12:04,846 --> 00:12:07,015
- The receipt, Lenny.
Proof of purchase.
333
00:12:07,015 --> 00:12:10,584
- I'm gonna have
to reload the roll.
334
00:12:10,584 --> 00:12:13,521
- I'll wait.
335
00:12:13,521 --> 00:12:16,424
- This.
This is what I want from you.
336
00:12:16,424 --> 00:12:17,926
- That's when we both realized
337
00:12:17,926 --> 00:12:20,929
I was crushing
You Ain't White Academy.
338
00:12:20,929 --> 00:12:25,066
- Up next, graduating at
the top of his class, Chris.
339
00:12:25,066 --> 00:12:28,069
[applause]
340
00:12:29,570 --> 00:12:30,839
- That's my baby!
341
00:12:30,839 --> 00:12:33,107
- Calm down.
That's my baby too.
342
00:12:33,107 --> 00:12:34,642
- That's my baby!
343
00:12:34,642 --> 00:12:36,577
- Bitch, calm down!
That's my baby too.
344
00:12:36,577 --> 00:12:38,546
- Chill.
You messing up my rhythm.
345
00:12:38,546 --> 00:12:39,948
Congrats, baby.
346
00:12:39,948 --> 00:12:42,483
- But this is how
I was feeling.
347
00:12:42,483 --> 00:12:44,218
- Chris is at my party?
348
00:12:44,218 --> 00:12:46,687
Tonight just got way cooler.
349
00:12:46,687 --> 00:12:48,122
- You're welcome.
350
00:12:48,122 --> 00:12:51,592
- Chrissy, you promised
we'd Cabbage Patch.
351
00:12:51,592 --> 00:12:53,661
- [sighs]
Got to go, Spiegs.
352
00:12:53,661 --> 00:12:54,929
Booty calls.
353
00:12:54,929 --> 00:12:57,932
Here, sweet thang.
Hold my receipts.
354
00:12:57,932 --> 00:13:00,001
- * Well, here's a new dance
that can't be matched ♪
355
00:13:00,001 --> 00:13:03,571
♪ So just step to the floor
and do the Cabbage Patch ♪
356
00:13:03,571 --> 00:13:06,875
- Uh, cheeseburger
and two Cokes.
357
00:13:06,875 --> 00:13:08,209
- Hey, that's mine.
358
00:13:08,209 --> 00:13:09,643
- You got proof
of purchase, punk?
359
00:13:09,643 --> 00:13:12,646
'Cause I do.
360
00:13:12,646 --> 00:13:17,185
[trio vocalizing]
361
00:13:17,185 --> 00:13:18,719
- Excuse me, gentlemen,
362
00:13:18,719 --> 00:13:20,989
our bubble bath won't
run itself.
363
00:13:20,989 --> 00:13:24,258
- Mm, these boys got some soul.
364
00:13:24,258 --> 00:13:25,593
- Yeah.
365
00:13:25,593 --> 00:13:28,229
- Mm, just what
my grieving heart needs.
366
00:13:28,229 --> 00:13:33,902
all: * His flinching face,
how scared was he ♪
367
00:13:33,902 --> 00:13:36,437
- Uh, the man flinched.
Get over it.
368
00:13:36,437 --> 00:13:39,273
all: * He pissed his pants ♪
369
00:13:39,273 --> 00:13:42,776
- * With pee ♪
370
00:13:42,911 --> 00:13:44,612
- These boys are distracting.
371
00:13:44,612 --> 00:13:46,347
They are making me mess up
my appointments.
372
00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:49,383
- And all this a cappella is
why my fruit sales are down.
373
00:13:49,383 --> 00:13:52,120
Definitely that, not 'cause
they're three weeks expired.
374
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:53,621
- Somebody's got
to do something
375
00:13:53,621 --> 00:13:56,024
about this musical terrorism.
376
00:13:56,024 --> 00:13:58,359
- All right,
fools, show's over.
377
00:13:58,359 --> 00:14:00,394
I got a bristle
with your name on it.
378
00:14:00,394 --> 00:14:02,730
[dramatic music]
379
00:14:02,730 --> 00:14:04,465
- What are you doing?
380
00:14:04,465 --> 00:14:06,000
- It's OK.
I got this.
381
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,203
- Well, well, well,
if it isn't the Flinch.
382
00:14:09,203 --> 00:14:10,371
- I didn't flinch.
383
00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:11,973
I was stepping
in front of my kids.
384
00:14:11,973 --> 00:14:13,607
I ain't scared
of none of y'all.
385
00:14:13,607 --> 00:14:14,742
- Oh, you want to go?
386
00:14:14,742 --> 00:14:15,944
- No, I was explaining that--
387
00:14:15,944 --> 00:14:17,211
- Then let's do it.
388
00:14:17,211 --> 00:14:20,949
♪ Me, me, me
versus you, you, you ♪
389
00:14:20,949 --> 00:14:22,416
- Yeah, get 'em, Julius.
390
00:14:22,416 --> 00:14:25,486
Beat these guys up for
messing up my very fresh fruit.
391
00:14:25,486 --> 00:14:28,056
[all cheering]
392
00:14:28,056 --> 00:14:30,258
- [sighs]
I hate to do this,
393
00:14:30,258 --> 00:14:32,626
but if I win,
you boys leave this block.
394
00:14:32,626 --> 00:14:33,962
- No!
395
00:14:33,962 --> 00:14:37,065
I mean, go, Dad.
396
00:14:37,065 --> 00:14:39,533
- Drew was happy someone was
finally standing up
397
00:14:39,533 --> 00:14:42,270
to these harmonizing bullies,
but he wasn't sure
398
00:14:42,270 --> 00:14:44,973
if my dad was the one
to do it.
399
00:14:47,708 --> 00:14:49,310
[classical music playing]
- This was cool, Ma.
400
00:14:49,310 --> 00:14:50,678
You taught me a lot.
401
00:14:50,678 --> 00:14:51,779
I appreciate it.
402
00:14:51,779 --> 00:14:52,981
- Well, you're a great student.
403
00:14:52,981 --> 00:14:55,283
Why don't you do
better in school?
404
00:14:55,283 --> 00:14:57,085
- Hey, so since
we're in the car already,
405
00:14:57,085 --> 00:14:58,619
think you could give me
a ride to this kid
406
00:14:58,619 --> 00:15:00,521
Spiegelman's party?
407
00:15:00,521 --> 00:15:02,156
- Spiegel-whose what now?
408
00:15:02,156 --> 00:15:04,258
- There's a party the kids
from school are going to.
409
00:15:04,258 --> 00:15:06,460
- Did I not get through to you?
- You did.
410
00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:09,097
I'm fully prepared
to attend this party safely.
411
00:15:09,097 --> 00:15:11,265
- If you were fully prepared,
you wouldn't go.
412
00:15:11,265 --> 00:15:13,401
I can't let you go
to a white kid party
413
00:15:13,401 --> 00:15:14,568
in a white neighborhood.
414
00:15:14,568 --> 00:15:15,636
- But you make me
go to a white school
415
00:15:15,636 --> 00:15:16,770
in a white neighborhood.
416
00:15:16,770 --> 00:15:18,072
- Well, maybe you shouldn't.
417
00:15:18,072 --> 00:15:20,508
Maybe your ass should
stay next to me 24/7
418
00:15:20,508 --> 00:15:22,176
so I can keep my eye on you.
419
00:15:22,176 --> 00:15:24,278
- I have to be on lockdown
just 'cause you're scared?
420
00:15:24,278 --> 00:15:26,014
- Because you're
not scared enough.
421
00:15:26,014 --> 00:15:27,281
You know what?
422
00:15:27,281 --> 00:15:28,816
You're never leaving
the house again.
423
00:15:28,816 --> 00:15:30,718
- Then I'll never
speak to you again.
424
00:15:30,718 --> 00:15:32,386
- Ha, whatever.
I'd rather have
425
00:15:32,386 --> 00:15:34,888
a mute living boy
than a dead talking one.
426
00:15:35,023 --> 00:15:36,790
- Fine.
427
00:15:36,790 --> 00:15:38,026
- Where are you going?
428
00:15:38,026 --> 00:15:40,128
Chris, come back here!
429
00:15:40,128 --> 00:15:41,795
He is not doing this.
430
00:15:41,795 --> 00:15:43,364
Chris!
431
00:15:43,364 --> 00:15:46,367
- [grunting]
432
00:15:46,367 --> 00:15:48,936
- Julius, do you know
where I put Whoopi Goldbelt?
433
00:15:49,037 --> 00:15:50,204
- Whoopi Goldbelt?
434
00:15:50,204 --> 00:15:51,839
Who's about to get
they ass whupped?
435
00:15:51,839 --> 00:15:53,041
Are you mad about something?
436
00:15:53,041 --> 00:15:54,108
- What makes you think
I'm mad?
437
00:15:54,108 --> 00:15:56,510
- Uh, nothing at all, baby.
438
00:15:56,510 --> 00:15:57,611
Are you?
439
00:15:57,611 --> 00:15:59,680
- I'm mad. I'm scared.
440
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,482
I'm all of it, Julius.
441
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:02,850
- What's going on, baby?
442
00:16:02,850 --> 00:16:04,452
- Chris jumped out the car
and left.
443
00:16:04,452 --> 00:16:05,819
- He what?
444
00:16:05,819 --> 00:16:07,288
- I was trying to teach him
some life lessons,
445
00:16:07,288 --> 00:16:09,290
but then he got upset
because I wasn't gonna
446
00:16:09,290 --> 00:16:10,558
let him go to some white party
447
00:16:10,558 --> 00:16:12,260
in some white neighborhood
late at night.
448
00:16:12,260 --> 00:16:14,162
He's--he's not ready
for all of that.
449
00:16:14,162 --> 00:16:15,429
- He's growing up.
450
00:16:15,429 --> 00:16:17,098
We can't keep him locked
in his room forever.
451
00:16:17,098 --> 00:16:19,067
- I know that, Julius.
452
00:16:19,067 --> 00:16:21,469
I would never suggest
something like that.
453
00:16:21,469 --> 00:16:23,771
But what if something
happens to him out there?
454
00:16:23,771 --> 00:16:25,073
- Look, you've prepared him.
455
00:16:25,073 --> 00:16:26,707
You've prepared all our kids.
456
00:16:26,707 --> 00:16:29,677
But sometimes, we just got
to let them live their lives
457
00:16:29,677 --> 00:16:31,679
and hope that what
we've done is enough.
458
00:16:31,679 --> 00:16:35,216
If there's a problem,
we'll handle it, together.
459
00:16:35,216 --> 00:16:37,385
- Look at you, being all wise.
460
00:16:37,385 --> 00:16:39,387
- I try.
Now, excuse me.
461
00:16:39,387 --> 00:16:40,821
I got to go fight
some teenagers.
462
00:16:40,821 --> 00:16:43,357
[upbeat music]
463
00:16:43,357 --> 00:16:45,926
- Julius is gonna
beat your ass.
464
00:16:45,926 --> 00:16:48,096
- But just your ass,
not your face.
465
00:16:48,096 --> 00:16:49,630
Not that I care.
466
00:16:49,630 --> 00:16:51,465
[tense music]
467
00:16:51,465 --> 00:16:53,734
- Dad, are you sure
this is a good idea?
468
00:16:53,734 --> 00:16:56,437
- Yeah, you can't flinch
your way out of this.
469
00:16:56,437 --> 00:16:58,572
- [sighs]
All right. Go ahead.
470
00:16:58,572 --> 00:16:59,707
Throw your best punch.
471
00:16:59,707 --> 00:17:01,575
♪ ♪
472
00:17:01,575 --> 00:17:02,843
- [grunts]
473
00:17:02,843 --> 00:17:05,179
Come on. He flinched.
He flinched again.
474
00:17:05,179 --> 00:17:08,549
- [chuckles]
No, you threw a horrible punch.
475
00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:11,252
Hopefully, your friends can
punch better than you.
476
00:17:11,252 --> 00:17:12,753
- Yeah!
Nope.
477
00:17:12,753 --> 00:17:14,122
- Whoa.
478
00:17:14,122 --> 00:17:15,523
- Even if you had
landed that punch,
479
00:17:15,523 --> 00:17:18,126
you probably would have
broken your hand.
480
00:17:18,126 --> 00:17:19,993
The only thing he can hit
is high notes.
481
00:17:20,128 --> 00:17:21,529
[laughter]
482
00:17:21,529 --> 00:17:23,431
- Oh, snap.
483
00:17:23,431 --> 00:17:26,367
- Ball up your fist like this,
and then plant your leg.
484
00:17:26,367 --> 00:17:29,570
That'll give your swing
more power, son.
485
00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:32,673
- Oh, dang, you just moved him
like a paperclip.
486
00:17:35,476 --> 00:17:39,280
- Being strong is
only half the battle.
487
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,549
You also got to know
when to use that strength.
488
00:17:41,549 --> 00:17:44,718
That's what makes
someone powerful.
489
00:17:44,718 --> 00:17:47,688
Now, will you guys please
find another stoop?
490
00:17:47,688 --> 00:17:50,491
- All right, boys.
all: * Let's bounce ♪
491
00:17:50,491 --> 00:17:52,793
- I haven't fed my cat in days.
492
00:17:52,793 --> 00:17:56,197
- In that moment,
Tonya knew she'd never fall
493
00:17:56,197 --> 00:17:58,366
for a light-skinned
brother again.
494
00:17:58,366 --> 00:18:01,635
[sultry music]
495
00:18:01,635 --> 00:18:07,875
♪ ♪
496
00:18:09,076 --> 00:18:10,444
- I'm gonna go for a jog.
497
00:18:10,444 --> 00:18:12,980
[upbeat music]
498
00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:15,383
- Oh, Dad,
should we watch "Karate Dad 3,"
499
00:18:15,383 --> 00:18:16,717
"Son of Karate Dad,"
500
00:18:16,717 --> 00:18:19,453
or what about
"Dick Buttless, PI"?
501
00:18:19,453 --> 00:18:21,088
- Do I even have to say?
502
00:18:21,189 --> 00:18:23,056
both: "Dick Buttless, PI."
503
00:18:23,191 --> 00:18:24,625
- I've got to get my own TV.
504
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:28,095
- Hey, Buttless,
get your ass in here!
505
00:18:28,196 --> 00:18:30,264
- I would if I could, Captain.
506
00:18:30,264 --> 00:18:31,799
- You OK, Rochelle?
507
00:18:31,799 --> 00:18:33,667
- Oh, yeah. I'm fine.
508
00:18:33,667 --> 00:18:35,503
I'm not even thinking
about Chris.
509
00:18:35,503 --> 00:18:36,870
[phone rings]
Chris?
510
00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:39,373
- Hello.
You have a collect call from:
511
00:18:39,373 --> 00:18:40,508
- Mom, I'm sorry.
You were right.
512
00:18:40,508 --> 00:18:43,377
- To the accept charges,
press 1.
513
00:18:43,377 --> 00:18:45,413
[dial tone]
- Chris! Chris!
514
00:18:45,413 --> 00:18:46,714
[phone rings]
515
00:18:46,714 --> 00:18:48,816
- Hello.
You have a collect call from:
516
00:18:48,816 --> 00:18:50,451
- I shouldn't have left
the car, OK?
517
00:18:50,451 --> 00:18:52,686
- To accept the charges,
press 1.
518
00:18:52,686 --> 00:18:54,422
[dial tone]
[phone rings]
519
00:18:54,422 --> 00:18:56,724
- Hello.
You have a collect call from:
520
00:18:56,724 --> 00:18:58,626
- I'm so sorry, Mama!
I'm sorry!
521
00:18:58,626 --> 00:18:59,927
- Chris, Chris, Chris.
Slow down.
522
00:18:59,927 --> 00:19:01,362
I accepted the charges.
523
00:19:01,362 --> 00:19:03,964
both: You did?
- I know today was a lot.
524
00:19:03,964 --> 00:19:07,401
It's just if something happened
because I didn't do enough--
525
00:19:07,401 --> 00:19:09,237
I overreacted.
526
00:19:09,237 --> 00:19:10,604
- No, you didn't.
527
00:19:10,604 --> 00:19:12,406
I thought about
how much you worry.
528
00:19:12,406 --> 00:19:14,375
And after today, I get why.
529
00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:17,378
[somber music]
530
00:19:17,378 --> 00:19:19,247
♪ ♪
531
00:19:19,247 --> 00:19:21,549
- [sobbing]
532
00:19:21,549 --> 00:19:23,016
- I shouldn't have run off.
533
00:19:23,016 --> 00:19:24,151
I'm coming home.
534
00:19:24,252 --> 00:19:26,354
- No, you go to the party.
535
00:19:26,354 --> 00:19:27,655
You're gonna be OK.
536
00:19:27,655 --> 00:19:29,590
- Wait. Are you sure?
537
00:19:29,590 --> 00:19:33,827
- I don't know, but I trust you
to handle yourself.
538
00:19:33,827 --> 00:19:35,429
- Well, I had a great teacher.
539
00:19:35,429 --> 00:19:36,797
- You're damn skippy.
540
00:19:36,797 --> 00:19:38,532
- Thanks for taking
the time today, Ma.
541
00:19:38,532 --> 00:19:39,533
I love you.
542
00:19:39,533 --> 00:19:40,901
- I love you too.
543
00:19:40,901 --> 00:19:42,570
And I'm gonna
lovingly beat your ass
544
00:19:42,570 --> 00:19:44,137
if you're not home by 10:30.
545
00:19:44,272 --> 00:19:45,606
And no shortcuts.
546
00:19:45,606 --> 00:19:48,141
I don't want you running
into any more KKK men.
547
00:19:48,276 --> 00:19:49,710
- What-what-what men?
548
00:19:52,513 --> 00:19:54,515
[upbeat music]
549
00:19:54,515 --> 00:19:56,183
- Let's get this party started.
550
00:19:56,284 --> 00:19:59,152
- We are so gonna lose
our virginities tonight.
551
00:20:01,289 --> 00:20:04,191
- You must be Murray's friends
from school.
552
00:20:04,191 --> 00:20:08,262
And you came to show respect
for my mother.
553
00:20:08,262 --> 00:20:10,731
What little mensches you are.
554
00:20:10,731 --> 00:20:13,901
- Wait, I went through
all of this for a funeral?
555
00:20:13,901 --> 00:20:16,103
- There's three kinds
of herring--
556
00:20:16,103 --> 00:20:20,040
pickled, creamed, and smoked.
557
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,475
Help yourself.
558
00:20:21,475 --> 00:20:23,444
- [sniffs]
559
00:20:23,444 --> 00:20:26,747
You smell nice,
like my late husband.
560
00:20:26,747 --> 00:20:29,049
[sniffs]
He was a brother.
561
00:20:29,049 --> 00:20:32,085
- I guess I couldn't say
the cologne didn't work.
562
00:20:32,085 --> 00:20:33,521
Thanks a lot, Billy Dee.
563
00:20:33,521 --> 00:20:39,993
- * Everybody hates Chris ♪
564
00:20:39,993 --> 00:20:41,962
- [whistling "Dixie"]
565
00:20:41,962 --> 00:20:43,631
- Hey, did you see
566
00:20:43,631 --> 00:20:45,333
a skinny Black kid
here the other night?
567
00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:48,201
- I did, and I'll tell you
the same thing I told him.
568
00:20:48,201 --> 00:20:49,236
Get lost.
569
00:20:49,236 --> 00:20:50,504
- Oh, I'm going.
570
00:20:50,504 --> 00:20:52,039
Just wanted to make sure
it was you.
571
00:20:52,039 --> 00:20:55,343
The sheet makes you
all look the same.
572
00:20:55,343 --> 00:20:56,710
[bright tone plays]
573
00:20:56,710 --> 00:20:58,446
- * A beating ♪
- * A beating ♪
574
00:20:58,446 --> 00:21:00,881
- * A beating ♪
575
00:21:00,881 --> 00:21:02,750
- Plant your back foot
and swing, boys.
576
00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:04,685
all: * A, a, a, a foot
577
00:21:04,685 --> 00:21:06,987
♪ All up in, in, in your ass ♪
578
00:21:09,156 --> 00:21:10,090
[all humming]
579
00:21:10,090 --> 00:21:11,559
[clattering]
580
00:21:11,559 --> 00:21:13,427
- [grunting]
581
00:21:13,427 --> 00:21:14,495
- Just a little.
582
00:21:14,495 --> 00:21:15,629
[all humming]
583
00:21:15,629 --> 00:21:18,599
[clattering]
584
00:21:18,599 --> 00:21:22,770
- [grunting]
585
00:21:22,770 --> 00:21:24,638
[glass shatters]
586
00:21:26,273 --> 00:21:30,544
[grunting]
587
00:21:35,449 --> 00:21:37,885
- * MTV ♪
588
00:21:37,885 --> 00:21:42,885
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589
00:21:37,885 --> 00:21:47,885
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