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(dramatic electronic music)
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(tense melodic music)
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(electronic bleeping)
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- Are you?
5
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- [Dynastud] Are you my contact?
6
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- Depends on who is asking.
7
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- [Dynastud] I'm asking.
8
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And that's all you need to know.
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- My name is...
10
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- Is Fredrich Gerlich.
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And I meant what I said on the phone.
12
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I am the best.
13
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- I can see that.
14
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- Leave the money on the table.
15
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(light melodic electronic music)
16
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(wind howling)
17
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Which one do you want?
18
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- And welcome back to the 2024
19
00:02:14,086 --> 00:02:15,884
Republican Presidential Debates,
20
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brought to you by our
sponsor, Crystal Clear,
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00:02:18,336 --> 00:02:20,599
America's leading coal
refining organization.
22
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(groans)
23
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(softly chuckles)
24
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- Is this your first time?
25
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(speaking foreign language)
26
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- Why would you think that?
27
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My organization has bought many
28
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of your politicians in the past.
29
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- Well, then.
30
00:02:36,676 --> 00:02:38,469
You must have a lot of experience.
31
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And if you don't, that's okay.
32
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I don't judge.
33
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I have my money,
34
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and I can take it nice and slow.
35
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- [Kelly] We are here in
one of Crystal Clear's mines,
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800 feet below ground,
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00:02:54,956 --> 00:02:56,494
with our top three candidates.
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00:02:56,536 --> 00:02:59,849
And tonight's debate will
decide who will get the nod.
39
00:03:00,826 --> 00:03:02,184
What should we, as a nation, do
40
00:03:02,226 --> 00:03:04,284
about the homosexual menace?
41
00:03:04,326 --> 00:03:06,848
Let's start with Governor Gary McMan.
42
00:03:06,890 --> 00:03:07,954
- In the last eight years,
43
00:03:07,996 --> 00:03:10,184
we have finally moved out of the dark ages
44
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of tolerance and diversity.
45
00:03:13,136 --> 00:03:16,324
Homosexuals are no longer allowed to taint
46
00:03:16,366 --> 00:03:18,794
the sacred bond of marriage,
47
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nor are they allowed to be employed
48
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as teachers or serve in our military.
49
00:03:23,126 --> 00:03:27,574
And now, with Directive 48 in place,
50
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sodomy is now a criminal offense.
51
00:03:31,416 --> 00:03:32,979
Punishable by death.
52
00:03:33,936 --> 00:03:37,679
But because this is a Christian nation,
53
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I believe that's enough
punishment for these poor devils.
54
00:03:41,746 --> 00:03:45,864
So, I say, keep the laws as they stand.
55
00:03:45,906 --> 00:03:47,484
- Neither that one.
56
00:03:47,526 --> 00:03:49,314
He appears to have the intelligence
57
00:03:49,356 --> 00:03:51,179
of a Belgian peanut farmer.
58
00:03:52,096 --> 00:03:54,144
- And same question to Congressman Kellogg,
59
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and that's a mighty fine hat
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00:03:55,256 --> 00:03:56,444
you're wearing there, Congressman.
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00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:57,774
- Well, shoot.
62
00:03:57,816 --> 00:03:59,071
Thank you there, Kelly.
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00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:00,724
(chuckles)
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00:04:00,766 --> 00:04:03,979
Now, I must echo the words
of my good friend, Gary.
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00:04:04,876 --> 00:04:06,564
We are a Christian nation,
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00:04:06,606 --> 00:04:10,084
so we need to show mercy
on these poor bastards,
67
00:04:10,126 --> 00:04:13,924
but if they obey the law, then maybe,
68
00:04:13,966 --> 00:04:16,904
just maybe we can help
these poor son of a bitches
69
00:04:16,946 --> 00:04:20,214
rejoin society eventually,
70
00:04:20,256 --> 00:04:21,824
but not in my neighborhood.
71
00:04:21,866 --> 00:04:22,699
- No, no.
72
00:04:24,456 --> 00:04:26,749
He reminds too much of my father.
73
00:04:28,326 --> 00:04:30,804
He was a raper of sheep!
74
00:04:30,846 --> 00:04:33,229
- And finally, to Senator Teddy Hightower.
75
00:04:35,626 --> 00:04:38,269
- These two fuckin' guys
are queer for each other.
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00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:42,035
(gun shot booming)
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00:04:42,077 --> 00:04:42,868
(gasping)
78
00:04:42,910 --> 00:04:44,644
(gun shot booming)
79
00:04:44,686 --> 00:04:46,654
And that's my answer for what we should do
80
00:04:46,696 --> 00:04:49,054
about the homosexual
menace in this country.
81
00:04:49,096 --> 00:04:50,549
- How about that one?
82
00:04:52,556 --> 00:04:54,614
He looks a reptile!
83
00:04:54,656 --> 00:04:55,699
- Teddy Hightower.
84
00:04:57,736 --> 00:04:59,049
Excellent choice.
85
00:05:03,076 --> 00:05:03,909
Now,
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00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:05,846
shall we
87
00:05:08,226 --> 00:05:09,249
seal the deal?
88
00:05:11,426 --> 00:05:13,427
- How do we do that?
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00:05:13,469 --> 00:05:14,372
(intense music)
90
00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:15,274
(gasps)
91
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:16,634
- Like this.
92
00:05:16,676 --> 00:05:18,496
- How did you do that?
93
00:05:22,672 --> 00:05:25,005
(smooching)
94
00:05:27,496 --> 00:05:29,054
- Now.
95
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:32,017
I want to see that
two bit tux hit the floor.
96
00:05:32,059 --> 00:05:34,417
(intense melodic rock music)
97
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:39,459
(belt whipping))
98
00:05:40,967 --> 00:05:43,967
(zipper scratching)
99
00:05:49,660 --> 00:05:51,959
(grunting)
100
00:05:52,001 --> 00:05:53,251
Take it, bitch.
101
00:05:54,106 --> 00:05:55,166
Here I come!
102
00:05:56,637 --> 00:05:57,428
(squishy explosion splattering)
103
00:05:57,470 --> 00:06:01,053
(eerie suspenseful music)
104
00:06:19,876 --> 00:06:21,884
Mission accomplished.
105
00:06:21,926 --> 00:06:23,359
Please send next assignment.
106
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,264
Room service!
107
00:06:31,306 --> 00:06:33,034
Could you please send up a maid?
108
00:06:33,076 --> 00:06:35,414
I know they're not due until morning,
109
00:06:35,456 --> 00:06:38,164
but this one mess, I'm sure,
110
00:06:38,206 --> 00:06:40,678
they're gonna want a headstart on.
111
00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:44,137
(eerie orchestral music)
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♪ I am the faulty wiring ♪
113
00:06:57,936 --> 00:07:02,382
♪ The ball that's thrown ♪
114
00:07:02,424 --> 00:07:07,424
♪ When there are no lights shining ♪
115
00:07:07,498 --> 00:07:12,498
♪ In a place unknown ♪
116
00:07:12,628 --> 00:07:17,628
♪ I am the wrong direction ♪
117
00:07:18,288 --> 00:07:22,753
♪ And the purpose lost ♪
118
00:07:22,795 --> 00:07:27,795
♪ I am decreasing balance ♪
119
00:07:27,839 --> 00:07:32,839
♪ With a rising cost ♪
120
00:07:33,006 --> 00:07:37,837
♪ I am the storm predicted ♪
121
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♪ When there's no way through ♪
122
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♪ No escape ♪
123
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♪ No abandon ♪
124
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♪ So I run to you ♪
125
00:07:53,003 --> 00:07:57,370
♪ I am catastrophe ♪
126
00:07:57,412 --> 00:08:02,412
♪ You do well to stay clear of me ♪
127
00:08:02,929 --> 00:08:05,685
♪ For I am disaster ♪
128
00:08:05,727 --> 00:08:08,108
♪ Coming on faster ♪
129
00:08:08,150 --> 00:08:13,150
♪ Than you ever hoped to see ♪
130
00:08:13,269 --> 00:08:17,942
♪ And I am an unlucky charm ♪
131
00:08:17,984 --> 00:08:22,984
♪ Though I won't mean to do you harm ♪
132
00:08:23,334 --> 00:08:26,903
♪ If you see me look your way ♪
133
00:08:26,945 --> 00:08:29,481
♪ You'd be wise to say ♪
134
00:08:29,523 --> 00:08:32,501
♪ Leave me be ♪
135
00:08:32,543 --> 00:08:35,296
♪ For I am a catastrophe ♪
136
00:08:35,338 --> 00:08:38,505
(eerie melodic music)
137
00:08:45,056 --> 00:08:48,639
(ominous electronic music)
138
00:09:24,917 --> 00:09:27,584
(paper ripping)
139
00:09:36,970 --> 00:09:40,137
(electronic bleeping)
140
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:47,594
(upbeat piano music)
141
00:09:47,636 --> 00:09:49,564
- Be right with ya, kid.
142
00:09:49,606 --> 00:09:50,984
What are ya in for tonight?
143
00:09:51,026 --> 00:09:52,820
- What have you got?
144
00:09:52,862 --> 00:09:54,724
- Oh, Bartholomew.
145
00:09:54,766 --> 00:09:55,809
It's you.
146
00:09:57,746 --> 00:09:59,384
You want a blue pin.
147
00:09:59,426 --> 00:10:00,217
- That's right.
148
00:10:00,259 --> 00:10:01,769
Please, call me Bart.
149
00:10:03,916 --> 00:10:07,194
- You let me know when
you decide to try red.
150
00:10:07,236 --> 00:10:08,204
Got me?
151
00:10:08,246 --> 00:10:11,022
- Oh, you'll be the first to know, Zelda.
152
00:10:11,064 --> 00:10:13,132
(giggling)
153
00:10:13,174 --> 00:10:15,924
(softly moaning)
154
00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,014
- What are ya havin', Bart?
155
00:10:26,056 --> 00:10:27,184
- [Bart] Vodka soda.
156
00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:31,004
- I'll get that for ya, boy.
157
00:10:31,046 --> 00:10:31,946
- Comin' right up.
158
00:10:33,996 --> 00:10:35,494
- Thank you very much, sir.
159
00:10:35,536 --> 00:10:36,479
That's very kind.
160
00:10:37,566 --> 00:10:40,269
- Anything for a cute
little guy like you, sailor.
161
00:10:41,916 --> 00:10:42,879
- My name is Bart.
162
00:10:44,926 --> 00:10:47,304
- I haven't seen you here before.
163
00:10:47,346 --> 00:10:50,109
You come here often, Bart?
164
00:10:51,666 --> 00:10:53,149
- Not as often as I like.
165
00:10:57,766 --> 00:10:58,916
- I've come here often.
166
00:11:00,096 --> 00:11:02,604
You want to join me in the back room?
167
00:11:02,646 --> 00:11:04,379
Help me come again?
168
00:11:10,467 --> 00:11:12,634
(panting)
169
00:11:14,266 --> 00:11:15,535
- You're so hot.
170
00:11:15,577 --> 00:11:17,827
(laughing)
171
00:11:21,033 --> 00:11:21,924
(moaning)
172
00:11:21,966 --> 00:11:23,324
- You want this?
173
00:11:23,366 --> 00:11:24,199
- Yeah.
174
00:11:25,576 --> 00:11:27,299
- [Man] It's all yours, boy.
175
00:11:28,314 --> 00:11:31,481
(moaning and panting)
176
00:11:35,998 --> 00:11:38,248
(laughing)
177
00:11:42,664 --> 00:11:45,184
- Ah, it's just with my daughter.
178
00:11:45,226 --> 00:11:47,154
It is so stupid.
179
00:11:47,196 --> 00:11:49,294
She can't keep her panties on!
180
00:11:49,336 --> 00:11:51,804
She'll fuck any guy that
looks at her cross-eyed.
181
00:11:51,846 --> 00:11:53,724
She has no concept of the reality
182
00:11:53,766 --> 00:11:55,154
that this will make me look bad
183
00:11:55,196 --> 00:11:56,774
right before the election!
184
00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:59,364
- You better lock that
down before she gets prego.
185
00:11:59,406 --> 00:12:01,384
- Don't you think I know that?
186
00:12:01,426 --> 00:12:03,814
I have to find some way
to get Patty married off
187
00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:05,794
before she gets knocked up.
188
00:12:05,836 --> 00:12:07,464
- Is it really that big a deal?
189
00:12:07,506 --> 00:12:09,144
- Yes, it is.
190
00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:10,954
She's fucked two of the gardeners,
191
00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:12,584
done anal with my accountant,
192
00:12:12,626 --> 00:12:14,354
laid the Utah Jazz,
193
00:12:14,396 --> 00:12:16,684
and Friday, she blew the chauffer.
194
00:12:16,726 --> 00:12:18,204
- Blew the chauffer?
195
00:12:18,246 --> 00:12:20,204
That's just bad taste.
196
00:12:20,246 --> 00:12:21,037
- Poor girl.
197
00:12:21,079 --> 00:12:22,994
She's just too easily led.
198
00:12:23,036 --> 00:12:25,034
She can't walk out the
door without accidentally
199
00:12:25,076 --> 00:12:27,574
catching a random panoply of dicks.
200
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:29,574
And worse, she likes it.
201
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:32,049
- And honestly, she's
not even that good at it.
202
00:12:34,096 --> 00:12:36,252
- Did you fuck my daughter, too?
203
00:12:36,294 --> 00:12:37,833
(stammering)
204
00:12:37,875 --> 00:12:38,844
- No!
205
00:12:38,886 --> 00:12:42,276
I mean, I thought you knew!
206
00:12:44,143 --> 00:12:47,104
(gun shot booming)
207
00:12:47,146 --> 00:12:49,684
- For God's sakes, you can't trust anyone
208
00:12:49,726 --> 00:12:51,576
not to butter your daughter's muffin.
209
00:12:52,676 --> 00:12:53,531
You didn't fuck her, did you?
210
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,504
- No, no, no, not a chance.
211
00:12:55,546 --> 00:12:56,674
- Good.
212
00:12:56,716 --> 00:12:58,754
Then you can give me some advice.
213
00:12:58,796 --> 00:13:00,974
- Advice? - Yes.
214
00:13:01,016 --> 00:13:03,604
How do I find a man to marry my daughter?
215
00:13:03,646 --> 00:13:06,224
Someone I can control.
216
00:13:06,266 --> 00:13:07,764
- Why don't you just pay a guy?
217
00:13:07,806 --> 00:13:09,804
- Common gigolo for my daughter?
218
00:13:09,846 --> 00:13:11,194
I don't think so.
219
00:13:11,236 --> 00:13:13,514
Besides, once those
guys get a taste of money,
220
00:13:13,556 --> 00:13:15,324
they won't be stopped.
221
00:13:15,366 --> 00:13:20,299
No, I need someone dumb and unambitious.
222
00:13:21,346 --> 00:13:22,546
- What about a prisoner?
223
00:13:23,396 --> 00:13:26,024
You let them go, they owe you everything.
224
00:13:26,066 --> 00:13:29,904
Plus, built-in blackmail.
225
00:13:29,946 --> 00:13:31,129
- Prisoner, huh?
226
00:13:32,036 --> 00:13:34,789
That idea has promise.
227
00:13:37,140 --> 00:13:39,557
(snickering)
228
00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:41,724
- Yes!
229
00:13:41,766 --> 00:13:42,631
Yes!
230
00:13:42,673 --> 00:13:44,434
Ah, there's the magic!
231
00:13:44,476 --> 00:13:45,836
Yeah!
232
00:13:45,878 --> 00:13:47,084
(raspy panting)
233
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:48,714
- [Bart] Hey, do you want me to swallow?
234
00:13:48,756 --> 00:13:50,114
- No!
235
00:13:50,156 --> 00:13:51,734
Get it all over your face!
236
00:13:51,776 --> 00:13:53,602
Oh, I'm gonna shoot!
237
00:13:53,644 --> 00:13:55,894
(groaning)
238
00:13:59,910 --> 00:14:01,386
Yeah.
239
00:14:01,428 --> 00:14:02,904
(panting)
240
00:14:02,946 --> 00:14:04,496
- [Bart] Was that good for you?
241
00:14:06,516 --> 00:14:09,514
- Kid, you're under arrest.
242
00:14:09,556 --> 00:14:12,696
The evidence is all over ya.
243
00:14:12,738 --> 00:14:15,256
(laughing)
244
00:14:15,298 --> 00:14:18,798
(camera shutter clicking)
245
00:14:20,836 --> 00:14:21,894
- You want me to what?!
246
00:14:21,936 --> 00:14:24,603
- My daughter needs a husband.
247
00:14:24,645 --> 00:14:26,019
A man to keep her in line.
248
00:14:27,046 --> 00:14:30,159
You're familiar with Ephesians 5:22?
249
00:14:31,393 --> 00:14:34,194
- "Thou shalt not covet
thy neighbor's ass?"
250
00:14:34,236 --> 00:14:35,804
- No.
251
00:14:35,846 --> 00:14:38,681
It's, "Wives, submit yourselves
to your own husbands"
252
00:14:38,723 --> 00:14:40,634
"as you do to the Lord."
253
00:14:40,676 --> 00:14:42,074
- Yeah, I'm a flibberty-jibbit.
254
00:14:42,116 --> 00:14:44,754
- Shut your hole, Patty, daddy's talking.
255
00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:48,029
You see, she needs a
man's hand to keep her in line.
256
00:14:50,559 --> 00:14:53,114
(gun shot booming) (gasping)
257
00:14:53,156 --> 00:14:55,164
(gun shot booming) (gasping)
258
00:14:55,206 --> 00:14:57,034
Don't flinch!
259
00:14:57,076 --> 00:15:00,034
My daughter is not
going to marry a flincher!
260
00:15:00,076 --> 00:15:02,304
- What Senator Hightower's trying to say
261
00:15:02,346 --> 00:15:03,504
is that he would like you enter
262
00:15:03,546 --> 00:15:06,464
into a marriage contract with his daughter.
263
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:09,740
And in return, your criminal
record will be sealed.
264
00:15:09,782 --> 00:15:10,804
- Sealed?
265
00:15:10,846 --> 00:15:13,214
- Yes, legal proceedings
against you would cease
266
00:15:13,256 --> 00:15:15,574
for as long as you remain under contract.
267
00:15:15,616 --> 00:15:18,264
Otherwise, I'm sure you understand.
268
00:15:18,306 --> 00:15:19,374
You will face confinement,
269
00:15:19,416 --> 00:15:21,084
followed by a painful execution
270
00:15:21,126 --> 00:15:24,034
for your salacious crimes
against humanity and God.
271
00:15:24,076 --> 00:15:26,714
- Well, I don't know if I
want to marry a God criminal!
272
00:15:26,756 --> 00:15:29,794
- Silence, Patty, or no pumpkin spice.
273
00:15:29,836 --> 00:15:32,336
- Ah beans, I never get to say nothin'!
274
00:15:33,284 --> 00:15:34,754
(cooing)
275
00:15:34,796 --> 00:15:35,774
Yes!
276
00:15:35,816 --> 00:15:37,854
- The contract will be absolutely binding.
277
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:40,034
You will remain married
until you produce an heir
278
00:15:40,076 --> 00:15:42,054
and for 11 years after that.
279
00:15:42,096 --> 00:15:45,624
Then you are free to pursue
your own arrangements.
280
00:15:45,666 --> 00:15:48,524
And in the meantime,
everything will be provided for.
281
00:15:48,566 --> 00:15:50,904
You'll live in a fancy
mansion with your new wife,
282
00:15:50,946 --> 00:15:52,664
have people to cook and clean for you.
283
00:15:52,706 --> 00:15:53,806
- I already have that!
284
00:15:54,717 --> 00:15:57,454
- Cram up, pumpkin, this isn't about you.
285
00:15:57,496 --> 00:15:58,674
- What if I leave early?
286
00:15:58,716 --> 00:16:00,534
What if I break my contract?
287
00:16:00,576 --> 00:16:03,954
- Well, the MAGA Police
would pick you back up.
288
00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:06,864
But more than likely, I
would have you killed.
289
00:16:06,906 --> 00:16:07,739
- What?!
290
00:16:08,910 --> 00:16:11,035
(gun shot booming) (shouts)
291
00:16:11,077 --> 00:16:12,757
(gun shot booming) (shouts)
292
00:16:12,799 --> 00:16:14,716
You can't just kill me!
293
00:16:16,113 --> 00:16:17,019
(gun shot booming)
294
00:16:17,061 --> 00:16:19,061
(gasps)
295
00:16:25,417 --> 00:16:28,414
(giggling)
296
00:16:28,456 --> 00:16:30,764
- Tonight, I'm gonna fuck you so hard,
297
00:16:30,806 --> 00:16:33,517
I'm gonna break your dick off!
298
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,809
(laughing)
299
00:16:42,816 --> 00:16:44,014
- Senator Hightower.
300
00:16:44,056 --> 00:16:47,364
- Bart, please, you're my son-in-law now.
301
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:50,014
Call me Senator.
302
00:16:50,056 --> 00:16:52,384
- Alright, then. - Now, tonight,
303
00:16:52,426 --> 00:16:53,864
I want you to fuck my daughter
304
00:16:53,906 --> 00:16:56,554
until she breaks your dick off.
305
00:16:56,596 --> 00:16:58,064
- Oh, daddy!
306
00:16:58,106 --> 00:17:00,402
- Welcome to the family, Bart!
307
00:17:00,444 --> 00:17:02,694
(laughing)
308
00:17:05,801 --> 00:17:08,134
(screaming)
309
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:13,010
(gentle dreamy music)
310
00:17:18,614 --> 00:17:19,754
- Bart!
311
00:17:19,796 --> 00:17:21,543
I'm ready for your pecker now!
312
00:17:24,166 --> 00:17:25,364
- I love women.
313
00:17:25,406 --> 00:17:26,764
I love Patty.
314
00:17:26,806 --> 00:17:30,144
I love boobies, not men's
hard, throbbing cocks
315
00:17:30,186 --> 00:17:32,474
and tight butts and...
316
00:17:32,516 --> 00:17:33,794
This has gotta be normal!
317
00:17:33,836 --> 00:17:36,294
This has to be normal,
or I'm gonna be killed!
318
00:17:36,336 --> 00:17:39,034
Please, God, please,
let me get hard for her!
319
00:17:39,076 --> 00:17:39,909
- Bartholomew!
320
00:17:41,156 --> 00:17:44,584
I want you in my tunnel of love!
321
00:17:44,626 --> 00:17:48,674
It's sopping wet like a spongecake!
322
00:17:48,716 --> 00:17:50,860
- Well, now I'm completely flaccid.
323
00:17:50,902 --> 00:17:53,485
(gentle music)
324
00:17:56,797 --> 00:17:59,954
- Pumpkin, what are you doing in there
325
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:02,279
while I'm out here?!
326
00:18:04,135 --> 00:18:05,184
(sighs)
327
00:18:05,226 --> 00:18:06,129
- I'm gonna die.
328
00:18:13,705 --> 00:18:15,247
(bushes rustling)
329
00:18:15,289 --> 00:18:17,956
(birds calling)
330
00:18:27,116 --> 00:18:28,277
(groans)
331
00:18:28,319 --> 00:18:30,900
Oh, my dick!
332
00:18:30,942 --> 00:18:33,109
(panting)
333
00:18:35,216 --> 00:18:37,466
(groaning)
334
00:18:44,668 --> 00:18:45,767
(gasps)
335
00:18:45,809 --> 00:18:49,226
(eerie electronic music)
336
00:18:58,716 --> 00:18:59,549
Hey.
337
00:19:01,896 --> 00:19:03,704
- Let me ask you a question.
338
00:19:03,746 --> 00:19:04,579
- Okay.
339
00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:06,709
- Can you fly?
340
00:19:07,916 --> 00:19:09,109
- Um, what?
341
00:19:10,526 --> 00:19:12,969
- [Dynastud] I said, can you fly?
342
00:19:14,216 --> 00:19:15,759
- Of course I can't fly.
343
00:19:18,076 --> 00:19:21,154
- Are you Bartholomew James Cooper
344
00:19:21,196 --> 00:19:24,394
of 91 Ridgeway Road,
Portsmouth, New Hampshire?
345
00:19:24,436 --> 00:19:26,074
- I am, but what are you?
346
00:19:26,116 --> 00:19:28,794
- Huh, it says here you can fly.
347
00:19:28,836 --> 00:19:29,959
It's even underlined.
348
00:19:31,636 --> 00:19:35,454
Well, do you have a slick motorcycle,
349
00:19:35,496 --> 00:19:37,564
or a badass muscle car,
350
00:19:37,606 --> 00:19:40,006
or something that we
can take off in style with?
351
00:19:41,158 --> 00:19:43,434
'Cause my car is in the shop.
352
00:19:43,476 --> 00:19:45,794
Well, actually, it was repossessed.
353
00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:47,654
- Look, I'm kinda in a hurry and all,
354
00:19:47,696 --> 00:19:50,734
and wait, did you say take off?
355
00:19:50,776 --> 00:19:52,494
You want me to go with you?
356
00:19:52,536 --> 00:19:53,954
- Indeed.
357
00:19:53,996 --> 00:19:55,034
- Why?
358
00:19:55,076 --> 00:19:56,394
- It's a long story.
359
00:19:56,436 --> 00:19:59,326
But I am an incredibly handsome
360
00:20:00,576 --> 00:20:02,499
and rugged man.
361
00:20:03,896 --> 00:20:05,786
And you are a flightless homosexual
362
00:20:06,879 --> 00:20:09,129
with what appears to
be a rock hard erection.
363
00:20:11,576 --> 00:20:13,076
What other reason do you need?
364
00:20:15,006 --> 00:20:17,114
- I just ate about 20 Viagra.
365
00:20:17,156 --> 00:20:18,364
- Well, point the way, old chum,
366
00:20:18,406 --> 00:20:20,935
'cause it looks like
we're hoofin' it from here.
367
00:20:20,977 --> 00:20:23,477
(light music)
368
00:20:25,044 --> 00:20:27,964
- Bartholomew!
369
00:20:28,006 --> 00:20:29,704
You haven't even been able
370
00:20:29,746 --> 00:20:32,409
to your P in my V yet!
371
00:20:41,483 --> 00:20:43,633
- [Gaydar] Hoo, girl, there's danger ahead.
372
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:48,254
- Sir, are you okay?
373
00:20:48,296 --> 00:20:49,814
- My Gaydar, it's going off.
374
00:20:49,856 --> 00:20:50,904
I can't control it.
375
00:20:50,946 --> 00:20:53,014
- [Gaydar] Sugar, we don't
have time for the sex position.
376
00:20:53,056 --> 00:20:54,904
We got bad guys to catch.
377
00:20:54,946 --> 00:20:55,737
- Gaydar?
378
00:20:55,779 --> 00:20:57,444
What's Gaydar?
379
00:20:57,486 --> 00:20:59,344
- It's one of my superpowers.
380
00:20:59,386 --> 00:21:02,254
- Wait, you have superpowers?
381
00:21:02,296 --> 00:21:03,904
- What kind?
382
00:21:03,946 --> 00:21:06,744
- Super hearing, super strength,
383
00:21:06,786 --> 00:21:08,064
among them is Gaydar,
384
00:21:08,106 --> 00:21:09,664
an internalized voice that alerts me
385
00:21:09,706 --> 00:21:11,544
to crimes against our kind.
386
00:21:11,586 --> 00:21:13,700
It's a great defense mechanism.
387
00:21:13,742 --> 00:21:15,204
It can also be bitchy.
388
00:21:15,246 --> 00:21:16,644
And give me migraines.
389
00:21:16,686 --> 00:21:18,204
- [Gaydar] But it can save my life.
390
00:21:18,246 --> 00:21:19,644
- Shut up, Gaydar.
391
00:21:19,686 --> 00:21:20,724
- [Gaydar] Whatevs.
392
00:21:20,766 --> 00:21:22,434
- That's wild.
393
00:21:22,476 --> 00:21:24,094
What other kind of abilities do you have?
394
00:21:24,136 --> 00:21:25,439
Do you have x-ray vision?
395
00:21:26,756 --> 00:21:30,224
(electronic bleeping)
396
00:21:30,266 --> 00:21:31,574
- No.
397
00:21:31,616 --> 00:21:33,324
- Well, can you fly?
398
00:21:33,366 --> 00:21:34,694
- Can't fly.
399
00:21:34,736 --> 00:21:36,679
But I can glide short distances.
400
00:21:37,886 --> 00:21:39,264
- Bitchin'.
401
00:21:39,306 --> 00:21:41,114
I want to help you.
402
00:21:41,156 --> 00:21:42,874
I feel like I'm supposed to be here,
403
00:21:42,916 --> 00:21:44,099
like it's my destiny!
404
00:21:46,796 --> 00:21:49,644
- All will be revealed in time, Bart.
405
00:21:49,686 --> 00:21:53,014
- I feel compelled to drop to my knees
406
00:21:53,056 --> 00:21:55,584
and pleasure you right now.
407
00:21:55,626 --> 00:21:57,499
- That happens, yeah.
408
00:21:58,776 --> 00:21:59,726
- What's your name?
409
00:22:01,506 --> 00:22:02,339
- Call me
410
00:22:05,656 --> 00:22:07,331
Dynastud.
411
00:22:07,373 --> 00:22:09,744
(zipper scratching)
412
00:22:09,786 --> 00:22:11,673
- You got it, Dynastud!
413
00:22:14,681 --> 00:22:15,957
(moaning)
414
00:22:15,999 --> 00:22:18,499
(light music)
415
00:22:20,576 --> 00:22:21,409
- Checkmate!
416
00:22:24,687 --> 00:22:26,001
- Huh.
417
00:22:26,043 --> 00:22:27,504
(laughing)
418
00:22:27,546 --> 00:22:28,543
Checkmate.
419
00:22:28,585 --> 00:22:30,835
(laughing)
420
00:22:32,803 --> 00:22:35,474
(gun shot booming)
421
00:22:35,516 --> 00:22:36,369
Jarvis!
422
00:22:38,056 --> 00:22:39,374
It's time for my tea.
423
00:22:39,416 --> 00:22:40,494
- Yes, sir.
424
00:22:40,536 --> 00:22:44,124
- Oh, and uh, clean this shit up.
425
00:22:44,166 --> 00:22:45,194
- Yes, Senator.
426
00:22:45,236 --> 00:22:47,664
Your daughter just arrived
and wishes to see you.
427
00:22:47,706 --> 00:22:49,164
- Patty?
428
00:22:49,206 --> 00:22:51,454
But it's the first day of her honeymoon!
429
00:22:51,496 --> 00:22:53,494
(sobbing)
430
00:22:53,536 --> 00:22:54,369
- Daddy!
431
00:22:55,646 --> 00:22:57,594
- Princess!
432
00:22:57,636 --> 00:23:00,388
What did that little cocksucker do to you?
433
00:23:00,430 --> 00:23:02,597
(sobbing)
434
00:23:04,351 --> 00:23:05,799
- Don't touch me!
435
00:23:05,841 --> 00:23:08,008
(sobbing)
436
00:23:10,056 --> 00:23:11,064
- Wait.
437
00:23:11,106 --> 00:23:12,144
(bushes rustling)
438
00:23:12,186 --> 00:23:13,014
That's enough.
439
00:23:13,056 --> 00:23:15,134
- Was it something I said?
440
00:23:15,176 --> 00:23:16,724
Did I use too much teeth?
441
00:23:16,766 --> 00:23:19,564
- Yes, but that's besides the point.
442
00:23:19,606 --> 00:23:22,404
I can't come, not like this.
443
00:23:22,446 --> 00:23:23,404
- Why not?
444
00:23:23,446 --> 00:23:26,064
Is it some kind of kinky tantric sex thing?
445
00:23:26,106 --> 00:23:27,544
- The world as we know it,
446
00:23:27,586 --> 00:23:28,624
it's going to change soon.
447
00:23:28,666 --> 00:23:31,544
- That's hot, now let
me finish what I started.
448
00:23:31,586 --> 00:23:32,534
- No, Bart!
449
00:23:32,576 --> 00:23:34,104
My orgasm is lethal!
450
00:23:34,146 --> 00:23:35,724
It would blow your head clean off!
451
00:23:35,766 --> 00:23:37,564
- I'm startin' to like the sound of that.
452
00:23:37,606 --> 00:23:38,684
- No, Bart, literally.
453
00:23:38,726 --> 00:23:41,344
Your skull would explode
the second I reach orgasm.
454
00:23:41,386 --> 00:23:42,284
- Hot.
455
00:23:42,326 --> 00:23:43,924
- No, Bart!
456
00:23:43,966 --> 00:23:45,254
In a bad way.
457
00:23:45,296 --> 00:23:47,254
It's a superpower I can't control.
458
00:23:47,296 --> 00:23:49,464
The intensity of my orgasm kills people.
459
00:23:49,506 --> 00:23:50,644
Their heads explode!
460
00:23:50,686 --> 00:23:53,779
Men, women, people of
the transgender persuasion,
461
00:23:55,226 --> 00:23:56,956
farm animals.
462
00:23:56,998 --> 00:23:58,754
(gentle melodic music)
463
00:23:58,796 --> 00:24:00,566
You don't know what it's like,
464
00:24:00,608 --> 00:24:03,614
to have to go around
with perpetual blue balls.
465
00:24:03,656 --> 00:24:05,984
It's the burden of my superpowers,
466
00:24:06,026 --> 00:24:09,224
to be eternally sexy,
467
00:24:09,266 --> 00:24:13,019
but unable to get off without
destroying my partner.
468
00:24:15,227 --> 00:24:17,504
(awing)
469
00:24:17,546 --> 00:24:18,789
- Poor Dynastud.
470
00:24:20,116 --> 00:24:20,949
Come here.
471
00:24:25,606 --> 00:24:28,189
(gently sighs)
472
00:24:31,724 --> 00:24:34,624
(moaning and panting)
473
00:24:34,666 --> 00:24:36,894
- No wait, it's too dangerous!
474
00:24:36,936 --> 00:24:39,024
- Can't I just give you a handy?!
475
00:24:39,066 --> 00:24:39,857
- No!
476
00:24:39,899 --> 00:24:42,514
My salty soft serve would
destroy these fine woodlands.
477
00:24:42,556 --> 00:24:44,856
And I am firm believer
in forest conservation.
478
00:24:46,726 --> 00:24:49,369
I must remain pure with you for now.
479
00:24:50,566 --> 00:24:51,924
- Really?!
480
00:24:51,966 --> 00:24:52,799
- Yes.
481
00:24:54,306 --> 00:24:55,944
I need you, Bart.
482
00:24:55,986 --> 00:25:00,279
Your essence, your
impact on me is undeniable.
483
00:25:02,866 --> 00:25:05,739
But I don't need you in
the ways you might expect.
484
00:25:07,856 --> 00:25:10,356
(light music)
485
00:25:14,106 --> 00:25:16,907
(thudding)
486
00:25:16,949 --> 00:25:19,969
(doorbell dinging)
487
00:25:20,011 --> 00:25:23,261
(upbeat melodic music)
488
00:25:29,930 --> 00:25:32,454
- There you go.
489
00:25:32,496 --> 00:25:34,604
This will help calm you down,
490
00:25:34,646 --> 00:25:37,460
stop your crying.
491
00:25:37,502 --> 00:25:38,293
(sighing)
492
00:25:38,335 --> 00:25:39,854
- [Teddy] Will she be alright, doctor?
493
00:25:39,896 --> 00:25:44,554
- Well, like all women who
have been spurned by men,
494
00:25:44,596 --> 00:25:46,414
she's gone a little crazy,
495
00:25:46,456 --> 00:25:49,474
lost her place in the world.
496
00:25:49,516 --> 00:25:52,279
- I feel woozy.
497
00:25:53,526 --> 00:25:54,594
- Senator Hightower,
498
00:25:54,636 --> 00:25:57,114
the two MAGA Agents are here to see you.
499
00:25:57,156 --> 00:25:59,319
- Good, I'll meet them in the dining room.
500
00:26:01,736 --> 00:26:03,734
Are you all finished with her, doctor?
501
00:26:03,776 --> 00:26:05,514
Will this keep her from whining?
502
00:26:05,556 --> 00:26:07,526
- One more item.
503
00:26:09,126 --> 00:26:13,104
Her banana basket needs to be filled,
504
00:26:13,146 --> 00:26:15,444
so I brought these
505
00:26:15,486 --> 00:26:19,934
to help her feel full and satisfied,
506
00:26:19,976 --> 00:26:22,304
until you find her man again.
507
00:26:22,346 --> 00:26:24,624
- Oh my.
508
00:26:24,666 --> 00:26:27,014
- Dr. Chutney, you're a genius!
509
00:26:27,056 --> 00:26:28,106
I'll leave you to it.
510
00:26:29,437 --> 00:26:31,011
(cap popping)
511
00:26:31,053 --> 00:26:35,064
(light elevator music)
512
00:26:35,106 --> 00:26:37,599
Gentlemen, thank you for coming.
513
00:26:38,506 --> 00:26:40,784
I have a problem.
514
00:26:40,826 --> 00:26:44,104
I need you to track down
my daughter's husband.
515
00:26:44,146 --> 00:26:46,784
He left just as he was about to plow Patty
516
00:26:46,826 --> 00:26:48,364
and give me an heir.
517
00:26:48,406 --> 00:26:50,099
I heard you two were the best.
518
00:26:51,416 --> 00:26:54,374
- Is this your daughter
here, in that photo?
519
00:26:54,416 --> 00:26:55,544
- Yes.
520
00:26:55,586 --> 00:26:57,674
That was Patty in happier times.
521
00:26:57,716 --> 00:26:59,944
She used to be quite the equestrian.
522
00:26:59,986 --> 00:27:03,134
Sadly, we had to shoot the horse.
523
00:27:03,176 --> 00:27:07,165
She was becoming too attached.
524
00:27:07,207 --> 00:27:08,184
(slurping)
525
00:27:08,226 --> 00:27:09,359
Ha, memories.
526
00:27:10,196 --> 00:27:12,305
By the way, how is your tea?
527
00:27:12,347 --> 00:27:13,894
(tea splashing)
528
00:27:13,936 --> 00:27:16,174
- Tastes like my Aunt Rosalie's vagina
529
00:27:16,216 --> 00:27:19,359
after an 18 hour shift
at the sauerkraut factory.
530
00:27:21,196 --> 00:27:22,119
- I kinda like it.
531
00:27:22,966 --> 00:27:25,254
- Well, touch my balls!
532
00:27:25,296 --> 00:27:26,774
Sam likes it!
533
00:27:26,816 --> 00:27:29,299
Well, let's thrown a fuckin' parade!
534
00:27:32,736 --> 00:27:35,174
Sorry, I recently quit smoking,
535
00:27:35,216 --> 00:27:36,366
and I'm on the patches.
536
00:27:38,256 --> 00:27:40,164
(groaning)
537
00:27:40,206 --> 00:27:41,444
But enough about me!
538
00:27:41,486 --> 00:27:43,519
This chode we're talking about,
539
00:27:43,561 --> 00:27:45,011
do you have a picture of him?
540
00:27:47,729 --> 00:27:48,854
(groans)
541
00:27:48,896 --> 00:27:50,714
- Glamor shots.
542
00:27:50,756 --> 00:27:52,954
Are you sure this guy's not gay?
543
00:27:52,996 --> 00:27:57,284
- Let me remind you that
homosexuality is illegal.
544
00:27:57,326 --> 00:27:59,989
- I didn't mean to imply anything.
545
00:28:00,936 --> 00:28:03,498
- He does look kind of fruity, though.
546
00:28:03,540 --> 00:28:06,763
- Oh, daddy, I feel much better.
547
00:28:07,886 --> 00:28:10,034
- Glad to hear it, pumpkin.
548
00:28:10,076 --> 00:28:13,884
- These are Agent Sam and Detective Vargas.
549
00:28:13,926 --> 00:28:15,804
They're going to help track down Bart
550
00:28:15,846 --> 00:28:17,746
and get him to want to fuck you again.
551
00:28:18,822 --> 00:28:21,371
(sobbing)
552
00:28:21,413 --> 00:28:24,944
Oh no, dummy, don't cry over him.
553
00:28:24,986 --> 00:28:26,554
He's worthless!
554
00:28:26,596 --> 00:28:27,994
As you can see, gentlemen,
555
00:28:28,036 --> 00:28:29,664
my daughter is distraught
556
00:28:29,706 --> 00:28:31,564
over her ignominious jilting.
557
00:28:31,606 --> 00:28:32,824
- Left at the altar, huh?
558
00:28:32,866 --> 00:28:33,744
- Worse!
559
00:28:33,786 --> 00:28:35,439
Left in the marriage bed.
560
00:28:36,306 --> 00:28:39,594
Well, you can see the
toll it's taken on her.
561
00:28:39,636 --> 00:28:42,294
Her face distorted by tears,
562
00:28:42,336 --> 00:28:44,044
her once gorgeous knockers,
563
00:28:44,086 --> 00:28:45,509
sagging with humiliation.
564
00:28:46,687 --> 00:28:48,135
(sobbing)
565
00:28:48,177 --> 00:28:49,889
- I'm undesirable!
566
00:28:50,981 --> 00:28:52,724
- No!
567
00:28:52,766 --> 00:28:53,639
- I don't know.
568
00:28:54,606 --> 00:28:56,356
I think you're lookin' pretty good.
569
00:28:57,716 --> 00:29:00,399
I mean, crazy, sad,
570
00:29:01,236 --> 00:29:03,984
and dressed like one of
those girls from Brazzers.
571
00:29:04,026 --> 00:29:06,411
Oh, I fucking love those girls!
572
00:29:06,453 --> 00:29:07,244
(laughing)
573
00:29:07,286 --> 00:29:10,009
And your tears, enticing.
574
00:29:10,876 --> 00:29:14,834
I love a woman with ready
access to her emotions.
575
00:29:14,876 --> 00:29:17,274
And this so-called husband
576
00:29:17,316 --> 00:29:19,143
ran away from this tight package?!
577
00:29:20,396 --> 00:29:24,084
Why, it seems to me like your husband
578
00:29:24,126 --> 00:29:26,264
might be a good old freckle puncher!
579
00:29:26,306 --> 00:29:27,673
- Vargas! - I'm sorry!
580
00:29:27,715 --> 00:29:28,548
Sorry!
581
00:29:30,106 --> 00:29:31,109
I meant homosexual.
582
00:29:32,976 --> 00:29:35,699
Not you, he's into the
wang is what I'm saying!
583
00:29:37,556 --> 00:29:39,606
- Do you think you could describe the man
584
00:29:40,626 --> 00:29:43,354
that kidnapped your husband?
585
00:29:43,396 --> 00:29:44,894
- Well, I only got a quick look at him
586
00:29:44,936 --> 00:29:46,334
when he ran off with my Bart,
587
00:29:46,376 --> 00:29:47,414
and it was really dark,
588
00:29:47,456 --> 00:29:49,264
so I'm not sure how
good I'm gonna be at this,
589
00:29:49,306 --> 00:29:53,254
but he was tall, like 6'2".
590
00:29:53,296 --> 00:29:54,764
- Good, good.
591
00:29:54,806 --> 00:29:59,244
- And he was beautiful, like a Greek God!
592
00:29:59,286 --> 00:30:01,554
He had one of those torsos that taper down
593
00:30:01,596 --> 00:30:04,534
from broad, muscular
shoulders to a narrow waist,
594
00:30:04,576 --> 00:30:08,164
and he had hands, like
the paws of a great cat!
595
00:30:08,206 --> 00:30:11,009
Like a tiger with fingers!
596
00:30:11,936 --> 00:30:15,469
And his butt rode kinda high and rounded.
597
00:30:16,366 --> 00:30:18,619
- Okay okay, enough!
598
00:30:19,516 --> 00:30:20,419
What do ya got?
599
00:30:25,857 --> 00:30:28,191
Dynastud!
600
00:30:28,233 --> 00:30:30,101
(eerie music)
601
00:30:30,143 --> 00:30:32,893
(water dripping)
602
00:30:33,768 --> 00:30:36,634
- You know, I usually
love a man in uniform.
603
00:30:36,676 --> 00:30:39,239
But you, not so much.
604
00:30:40,606 --> 00:30:44,159
- Well, today is the last
day that I wear this uniform.
605
00:30:45,366 --> 00:30:47,814
I'm sure you didn't hear
the news from your cell,
606
00:30:47,856 --> 00:30:50,114
but starting tomorrow,
607
00:30:50,156 --> 00:30:53,133
I will be a United States Senator!
608
00:30:53,175 --> 00:30:53,966
(chuckles)
609
00:30:54,008 --> 00:30:56,559
I think a congratulations are in order.
610
00:30:58,336 --> 00:30:59,469
- I'm gonna kill you.
611
00:31:00,736 --> 00:31:01,527
(chuckles)
612
00:31:01,569 --> 00:31:02,829
- No, you're not.
613
00:31:04,846 --> 00:31:08,434
In fact, you're going to join the party.
614
00:31:08,476 --> 00:31:10,454
- What are you gonna do?
615
00:31:10,496 --> 00:31:11,554
Lobotomize me?
616
00:31:11,596 --> 00:31:14,454
- I'm going to have the
gay beaten out of you.
617
00:31:14,496 --> 00:31:15,649
Meet Gunther!
618
00:31:16,556 --> 00:31:19,154
Hobbies include stock car racing,
619
00:31:19,196 --> 00:31:24,196
weight training, and busting skulls.
620
00:31:24,898 --> 00:31:26,068
- Yipes!
621
00:31:26,110 --> 00:31:29,005
- Gunther crush Dynastud!
622
00:31:29,047 --> 00:31:30,854
(electronic guitar rock music)
623
00:31:30,896 --> 00:31:35,896
(punches thudding) (grunting)
624
00:31:38,716 --> 00:31:40,009
- You punch like a fag.
625
00:31:41,110 --> 00:31:42,504
(whooshing)
626
00:31:42,546 --> 00:31:44,289
- Find him, you idiot!
627
00:31:44,331 --> 00:31:47,462
(heavy rock music)
628
00:31:47,504 --> 00:31:52,504
(punch thudding) (grunting)
629
00:31:57,908 --> 00:31:59,487
(groaning)
630
00:31:59,529 --> 00:32:01,846
(punch thudding) (grunting)
631
00:32:01,888 --> 00:32:04,138
(clanking)
632
00:32:12,163 --> 00:32:13,749
(whooshing)
633
00:32:13,791 --> 00:32:16,714
(grunting) (clanking)
634
00:32:16,756 --> 00:32:18,462
(groaning)
635
00:32:18,504 --> 00:32:20,264
(screaming)
636
00:32:20,306 --> 00:32:22,723
(splooshing)
637
00:32:29,476 --> 00:32:31,299
There's the big gun I was expecting.
638
00:32:32,298 --> 00:32:33,965
(gun shot booming)
639
00:32:34,007 --> 00:32:37,007
(suspenseful music)
640
00:32:40,220 --> 00:32:41,946
(shouting)
641
00:32:41,988 --> 00:32:42,834
(grunting)
642
00:32:42,876 --> 00:32:45,994
- This whole place is under surveillance.
643
00:32:46,036 --> 00:32:47,834
If you kill me,
644
00:32:47,876 --> 00:32:51,724
it'll give them reason
to track your kind down.
645
00:32:51,766 --> 00:32:53,704
- I'm gonna keep you alive,
646
00:32:53,746 --> 00:32:57,114
but only because I wanna
see you rot in the cooler.
647
00:32:57,156 --> 00:32:58,523
- That'll be the day.
648
00:33:01,406 --> 00:33:04,949
That man is a dangerous enemy of the state.
649
00:33:06,016 --> 00:33:08,789
When you find him, kill
him without hesitation.
650
00:33:09,786 --> 00:33:13,334
But be sure and bring Bart back alive.
651
00:33:13,376 --> 00:33:14,424
- Do you really think you'll be able
652
00:33:14,466 --> 00:33:16,119
to find him, Detective Vargas?
653
00:33:19,026 --> 00:33:22,444
- Oh, my sweet vagina galore,
654
00:33:22,486 --> 00:33:25,864
we'll track him down
and bring him back to you.
655
00:33:25,906 --> 00:33:29,341
And he'll be in your arms
and balls deep in your vag
656
00:33:29,383 --> 00:33:31,284
before the next episode
657
00:33:31,326 --> 00:33:33,279
of Who Told You You Could Dance is on.
658
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,200
- Well, I'm glad that's settled.
659
00:33:37,689 --> 00:33:40,045
(ball clanking)
660
00:33:40,087 --> 00:33:41,634
- What was that?
661
00:33:41,676 --> 00:33:45,329
- Uh, one of Dr. Chutney's
balls just dropped.
662
00:33:50,845 --> 00:33:53,064
(smooching)
663
00:33:53,106 --> 00:33:54,614
- [Gaydar] Dynastud, if
you could take a minute
664
00:33:54,656 --> 00:33:56,254
to stop checking out Bart's ass,
665
00:33:56,296 --> 00:33:59,078
we have a red menace
that has to be dealt with.
666
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:01,744
(insects chirping)
667
00:34:01,786 --> 00:34:02,886
- Why are we stopping?
668
00:34:04,756 --> 00:34:07,149
- Just a little something
I have to take care of.
669
00:34:08,056 --> 00:34:10,444
- Do you think they have
something to drink in there?
670
00:34:10,486 --> 00:34:12,586
I'm getting thirsty from all this walking.
671
00:34:13,746 --> 00:34:18,469
- Inside will be a tall,
cool glass of justice.
672
00:34:19,584 --> 00:34:22,667
(footsteps clanking)
673
00:34:24,276 --> 00:34:25,219
- What's in here?
674
00:34:26,356 --> 00:34:27,814
- Russian bot farm.
675
00:34:27,856 --> 00:34:29,324
- They grow bots?
676
00:34:29,366 --> 00:34:32,014
- No, they grow the seeds of discontent
677
00:34:32,056 --> 00:34:34,699
that poison the fertile
fields of Democracy.
678
00:34:35,686 --> 00:34:37,654
- You know, whenever you talk like that,
679
00:34:37,696 --> 00:34:39,084
I get rock hard.
680
00:34:39,126 --> 00:34:40,159
Why is that?
681
00:34:41,646 --> 00:34:43,174
- I've got a plan.
682
00:34:43,216 --> 00:34:44,239
And it involves you.
683
00:34:45,366 --> 00:34:48,578
But it's gonna require Cracker Jack timing
684
00:34:48,620 --> 00:34:50,979
and a high probability of lethal force.
685
00:34:52,946 --> 00:34:54,304
- Wait.
686
00:34:54,346 --> 00:34:57,009
What is a Russian bot
farm doing in America?
687
00:34:58,026 --> 00:35:00,594
- Bart, they're Russians.
688
00:35:00,636 --> 00:35:02,319
They're sneaky like that.
689
00:35:02,361 --> 00:35:05,444
(keyboards clacking)
690
00:35:13,376 --> 00:35:14,664
- Alexi!
691
00:35:14,706 --> 00:35:15,716
What is good word
692
00:35:16,596 --> 00:35:18,279
rhyme with snowflake?
693
00:35:20,310 --> 00:35:22,173
- Earthquake!
694
00:35:22,215 --> 00:35:25,882
(speaking foreign language)
695
00:35:27,189 --> 00:35:30,274
- Krinkov, what is it you are working on?
696
00:35:30,316 --> 00:35:32,674
- Boris, I work on very funny meme
697
00:35:32,716 --> 00:35:35,594
of Ronald Reagan spanking Hillary Clinton
698
00:35:35,636 --> 00:35:37,580
with a large black dildo!
699
00:35:37,622 --> 00:35:40,594
(laughing)
700
00:35:40,636 --> 00:35:43,184
- Much liberal tears will flow
701
00:35:43,226 --> 00:35:46,092
when they see that, I tell you!
702
00:35:46,134 --> 00:35:47,794
(laughing)
703
00:35:47,836 --> 00:35:48,669
Okay!
704
00:35:50,646 --> 00:35:54,674
- Today I pretend to
be black man on Twitter
705
00:35:54,716 --> 00:35:58,064
who wants to make with
the pregnant of white girls
706
00:35:58,106 --> 00:36:01,180
and leave them on the footsteps!
707
00:36:01,222 --> 00:36:03,472
(laughing)
708
00:36:06,602 --> 00:36:09,261
(doorbell dinging) (grunts)
709
00:36:09,303 --> 00:36:10,553
(light music)
710
00:36:10,595 --> 00:36:12,986
- Do we know of anyone coming?
711
00:36:13,028 --> 00:36:13,819
(speaking foreign language)
712
00:36:13,861 --> 00:36:14,714
- Do Boris?
713
00:36:14,756 --> 00:36:16,156
- Also (speaking foreign language).
714
00:36:18,686 --> 00:36:19,619
(doorbell ringing)
715
00:36:19,661 --> 00:36:21,661
(sighs)
716
00:36:25,368 --> 00:36:26,964
(suspenseful music)
717
00:36:27,006 --> 00:36:28,164
- Hello!
718
00:36:28,206 --> 00:36:29,406
- [Bart] Pizza delivery!
719
00:36:31,093 --> 00:36:32,274
- What?
720
00:36:32,316 --> 00:36:35,954
- [Bart] Pizza delivery
for 233 Industrial Way.
721
00:36:35,996 --> 00:36:38,469
- Is us, what kind of pizza is being?
722
00:36:44,446 --> 00:36:45,884
- Um, saucy deep dish.
723
00:36:45,926 --> 00:36:46,759
- No!
724
00:36:47,718 --> 00:36:49,076
What is it made of?
725
00:36:50,062 --> 00:36:51,524
(punch whapping) (grunting)
726
00:36:51,566 --> 00:36:52,399
- Whoa!
727
00:36:53,306 --> 00:36:55,773
You know, I never thought
that was gonna work.
728
00:36:55,815 --> 00:36:56,914
(groaning)
729
00:36:56,956 --> 00:36:59,034
- They're Russians, Bart,
they're not very bright.
730
00:36:59,076 --> 00:37:01,305
- Eating now second amendment.
731
00:37:01,347 --> 00:37:04,347
(gun shots booming)
732
00:37:09,866 --> 00:37:12,885
It's useless, guns don't kill people!
733
00:37:12,927 --> 00:37:14,997
(gun shots booming)
734
00:37:15,039 --> 00:37:18,959
Die (speaking foreign language)!
735
00:37:19,001 --> 00:37:19,792
(whooshing)
736
00:37:19,834 --> 00:37:21,422
- That's cocksucker to you both.
737
00:37:21,464 --> 00:37:24,126
(gun shots booming)
738
00:37:24,168 --> 00:37:27,501
(intense melodic music)
739
00:37:32,366 --> 00:37:33,864
What, are you gonna hack me to death?
740
00:37:33,906 --> 00:37:35,524
- No, you cannot ban me.
741
00:37:35,566 --> 00:37:37,644
I'm having a free speech.
742
00:37:37,686 --> 00:37:38,477
(shouting)
743
00:37:38,519 --> 00:37:40,524
- Do I look like the government?
744
00:37:40,566 --> 00:37:42,144
- Send backup!
745
00:37:42,186 --> 00:37:45,557
Big sexy gay man is here killing everybody!
746
00:37:45,599 --> 00:37:47,849
(shouting)
747
00:37:50,249 --> 00:37:52,044
- Tell me who is paying you
748
00:37:52,086 --> 00:37:53,594
or I'll give you Borges bell.
749
00:37:53,636 --> 00:37:54,694
- Hightower!
750
00:37:54,736 --> 00:37:56,434
Teddy Hightower!
751
00:37:56,476 --> 00:37:57,664
- I knew it.
752
00:37:57,706 --> 00:37:59,984
Well, I want you to give Teddy
a special message from me.
753
00:38:00,026 --> 00:38:00,817
- Anything!
754
00:38:00,859 --> 00:38:03,379
Just don't kill me, big sexy gay man!
755
00:38:04,436 --> 00:38:06,853
(whispering)
756
00:38:08,908 --> 00:38:11,013
Oh, fuck!
757
00:38:11,055 --> 00:38:13,722
(playful music)
758
00:38:20,716 --> 00:38:22,664
- Clearly this poor girl's husband
759
00:38:22,706 --> 00:38:25,364
has been abducted by Dynastud.
760
00:38:25,406 --> 00:38:27,264
Probably turned him gay already
761
00:38:27,306 --> 00:38:29,529
through the power of his sexual mesmerism!
762
00:38:31,792 --> 00:38:35,374
Oh, it's safe to assume they're in cahoots!
763
00:38:35,416 --> 00:38:38,314
And clearly, those queers
are armed and dangerous!
764
00:38:38,356 --> 00:38:40,389
But where the hell are they headed?
765
00:38:41,403 --> 00:38:42,524
- Bottom's Up.
766
00:38:42,566 --> 00:38:45,344
- Sam, it's a bit early for day drinking,
767
00:38:45,386 --> 00:38:46,531
but what the hell, what have you got on ya?
768
00:38:46,573 --> 00:38:48,199
- No, no, Bottom's Up,
769
00:38:49,066 --> 00:38:50,924
the underground bar on the Canadian border
770
00:38:50,966 --> 00:38:54,114
for gays escaping the U.S.
to the Great White North.
771
00:38:54,156 --> 00:38:56,146
They must be headed there.
772
00:38:56,188 --> 00:38:58,688
(eerie music)
773
00:39:02,237 --> 00:39:04,904
(door creaking)
774
00:39:07,845 --> 00:39:10,512
(door clanking)
775
00:39:11,956 --> 00:39:12,793
- Hi, dad!
776
00:39:12,835 --> 00:39:13,626
(gasping)
777
00:39:13,668 --> 00:39:15,389
- Leaping lawn jockeys!
778
00:39:16,369 --> 00:39:18,734
Oh, it's only you, pussycat.
779
00:39:18,776 --> 00:39:20,354
- Daddy, I'm so sad.
780
00:39:20,396 --> 00:39:23,941
- Oh, God damn that Bart.
781
00:39:23,983 --> 00:39:25,574
And Dr. Chutney,
782
00:39:25,616 --> 00:39:27,366
he was supposed to make you better!
783
00:39:28,204 --> 00:39:30,152
(ball clanking)
784
00:39:30,194 --> 00:39:31,349
What the hell was that?
785
00:39:32,566 --> 00:39:33,704
- Oh, it's one of those balls
786
00:39:33,746 --> 00:39:35,167
from Tibet Dr. Chutney gave me,
787
00:39:35,209 --> 00:39:36,834
and now when I'm really sad,
788
00:39:36,876 --> 00:39:39,984
they just come out.
789
00:39:40,026 --> 00:39:42,062
Do you want to go get ice cream with me?
790
00:39:42,104 --> 00:39:44,094
- Oh, sorry, pookie.
791
00:39:44,136 --> 00:39:45,364
I have to check on the progress
792
00:39:45,406 --> 00:39:48,265
of our super weapon development program.
793
00:39:48,307 --> 00:39:50,179
- Oh, (ball clanking), okay.
794
00:39:53,946 --> 00:39:55,319
Daddy, do you miss mommy?
795
00:39:56,976 --> 00:39:58,514
- Not really.
796
00:39:58,556 --> 00:40:00,734
I mean, I was the one who had her killed
797
00:40:00,776 --> 00:40:03,179
after she kept giving me girl babies.
798
00:40:04,101 --> 00:40:06,190
(chuckles)
799
00:40:06,232 --> 00:40:09,734
(footsteps pattering)
800
00:40:09,776 --> 00:40:11,103
- Bye, dad.
801
00:40:11,145 --> 00:40:13,812
(ball clanking)
802
00:40:15,863 --> 00:40:19,030
(electronic bleeping)
803
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:29,494
- Good afternoon, Senator!
804
00:40:29,536 --> 00:40:30,729
- Dr. Chutney!
805
00:40:31,876 --> 00:40:33,244
Okay, then.
806
00:40:33,286 --> 00:40:34,304
Let's see it.
807
00:40:34,346 --> 00:40:38,464
- The weapon is almost complete.
808
00:40:38,506 --> 00:40:40,402
Behold!
809
00:40:40,444 --> 00:40:42,034
(gasping)
810
00:40:42,076 --> 00:40:43,529
- It's beautiful!
811
00:40:45,216 --> 00:40:46,674
Will it work?
812
00:40:46,716 --> 00:40:48,373
- Will it work?!
813
00:40:48,415 --> 00:40:49,434
(laughing)
814
00:40:49,476 --> 00:40:50,334
Senator!
815
00:40:50,376 --> 00:40:52,454
When the weapon is complete,
816
00:40:52,496 --> 00:40:55,804
all we need to do is fire it,
817
00:40:55,846 --> 00:40:59,094
and any homosexual
818
00:40:59,136 --> 00:41:02,514
will become a heterosexual.
819
00:41:02,556 --> 00:41:04,484
Think about it.
820
00:41:04,526 --> 00:41:07,674
Lesbians touching penises.
821
00:41:07,716 --> 00:41:10,418
Gays munching the rug.
822
00:41:10,460 --> 00:41:12,710
(laughing)
823
00:41:13,606 --> 00:41:16,784
We just point and shoot!
824
00:41:16,826 --> 00:41:18,092
Shoot straight!
825
00:41:18,134 --> 00:41:20,384
(laughing)
826
00:41:22,446 --> 00:41:24,379
- Oh, they won't know what hit them.
827
00:41:26,016 --> 00:41:28,134
And after we capture Bart,
828
00:41:28,176 --> 00:41:29,884
that errant cocksucker will be able
829
00:41:29,926 --> 00:41:33,074
to please my daughter and give me an heir.
830
00:41:33,116 --> 00:41:34,404
(laughing)
831
00:41:34,446 --> 00:41:37,559
Oh, this is mine.
832
00:41:39,345 --> 00:41:41,633
(gasping)
833
00:41:41,675 --> 00:41:43,494
It comes with one of these!
834
00:41:43,536 --> 00:41:45,786
(laughing)
835
00:41:48,326 --> 00:41:51,739
- All this laughing is
making me dehydrated.
836
00:41:52,936 --> 00:41:55,614
- And after we get my daughter's man,
837
00:41:55,656 --> 00:41:59,794
all the gays will drop to their knees.
838
00:41:59,836 --> 00:42:01,354
(laughing)
839
00:42:01,396 --> 00:42:02,434
Get it!
840
00:42:02,476 --> 00:42:04,105
- [Together] Their knees!
841
00:42:04,147 --> 00:42:06,397
(laughing)
842
00:42:09,893 --> 00:42:11,843
(thudding)
843
00:42:11,885 --> 00:42:14,802
(intriguing music)
844
00:42:17,257 --> 00:42:20,007
(birds chirping)
845
00:42:25,106 --> 00:42:26,099
- We piss here.
846
00:42:29,722 --> 00:42:31,404
(zippers scratching)
847
00:42:31,446 --> 00:42:33,414
- Where are you taking me?
848
00:42:33,456 --> 00:42:35,144
- To a compound.
849
00:42:35,186 --> 00:42:37,304
Just over the border in Canada.
850
00:42:37,346 --> 00:42:40,114
A secret gay bar called Bottom's Up.
851
00:42:40,156 --> 00:42:42,214
- And what's in this Bottom's Up?
852
00:42:42,256 --> 00:42:43,426
- A safe passage
853
00:42:44,396 --> 00:42:47,209
that will lead me to the
only man I ever really loved.
854
00:42:48,176 --> 00:42:49,250
- Love.
855
00:42:49,292 --> 00:42:50,934
(urine splashing)
856
00:42:50,976 --> 00:42:52,224
- Hey.
857
00:42:52,266 --> 00:42:53,269
Nice cock, Bart.
858
00:42:54,196 --> 00:42:56,144
I'm a top, myself.
859
00:42:56,186 --> 00:42:58,404
But it's got a really beautiful shape
860
00:42:58,446 --> 00:42:59,739
and an impressive girth.
861
00:43:00,676 --> 00:43:03,184
You'll make a bottom very happy some day.
862
00:43:03,226 --> 00:43:04,059
- Thanks.
863
00:43:07,716 --> 00:43:09,754
By the way, you never told me
864
00:43:09,796 --> 00:43:11,279
how you got your superpowers.
865
00:43:13,046 --> 00:43:14,554
- Do you really need to know?
866
00:43:14,596 --> 00:43:15,884
- Well, yeah.
867
00:43:15,926 --> 00:43:16,949
I'm curious.
868
00:43:20,016 --> 00:43:22,614
- I was bit by a radioactive spider.
869
00:43:22,656 --> 00:43:24,464
- I've heard this one before.
870
00:43:24,506 --> 00:43:27,014
- It was a gay radioactive spider.
871
00:43:27,056 --> 00:43:28,684
Chucked gooey white wads of...
872
00:43:28,726 --> 00:43:31,409
- Yeah, alright, all caught up, thanks.
873
00:43:37,196 --> 00:43:38,029
- Okay.
874
00:43:39,416 --> 00:43:40,489
If you must know,
875
00:43:42,309 --> 00:43:43,100
(light music)
876
00:43:43,142 --> 00:43:46,004
I wasn't always the hunk
of smoldering man flesh
877
00:43:46,046 --> 00:43:47,539
you see before you now.
878
00:43:48,936 --> 00:43:52,844
I was a scrawny nerd,
born on a farm in Vermont.
879
00:43:52,886 --> 00:43:56,218
I had two loving mothers
named May and Martha.
880
00:43:56,260 --> 00:43:58,843
(joyful music)
881
00:44:06,026 --> 00:44:09,559
Well, one night, I was
out catching fireflies,
882
00:44:10,896 --> 00:44:12,939
and I saw something fall from the sky.
883
00:44:31,926 --> 00:44:33,434
- [Orb] Do not be afraid of me.
884
00:44:33,476 --> 00:44:35,464
I have come from a distant star
885
00:44:35,506 --> 00:44:38,014
to bring peace to your waring planet
886
00:44:38,056 --> 00:44:41,595
and wisdom light years beyond your own.
887
00:44:41,637 --> 00:44:43,164
- Awesome!
888
00:44:43,206 --> 00:44:44,734
- [Orb] Uh, um, wait.
889
00:44:44,776 --> 00:44:46,304
What did you say?
890
00:44:46,346 --> 00:44:47,474
- Awesome!
891
00:44:47,516 --> 00:44:50,074
- [Orb] Ah, fuck me sideways!
892
00:44:50,116 --> 00:44:52,404
Is this 51 Pegasus B?
893
00:44:52,446 --> 00:44:54,164
- No, this is Earth.
894
00:44:54,206 --> 00:44:55,624
- [Orb] Sometimes you have to wonder
895
00:44:55,666 --> 00:44:57,284
who's mindin' the storm.
896
00:44:57,326 --> 00:44:59,894
Okay, fine, Earth.
897
00:44:59,936 --> 00:45:03,474
You backwards monkeys
have your troubles, too, I guess.
898
00:45:03,516 --> 00:45:05,224
Now, how do you solve them here?
899
00:45:05,266 --> 00:45:07,708
Hold on, let me check the database.
900
00:45:07,750 --> 00:45:09,184
(electronic bleeping)
901
00:45:09,226 --> 00:45:10,844
Superheroes, huh?
902
00:45:10,886 --> 00:45:12,314
Okay, fine.
903
00:45:12,356 --> 00:45:15,304
You'll be a superhero, how does that sound?
904
00:45:15,346 --> 00:45:16,604
- Sounds great!
905
00:45:16,646 --> 00:45:18,224
- [Orb] A real quiz kid, huh?
906
00:45:18,266 --> 00:45:20,494
Well listen, there's one problem.
907
00:45:20,536 --> 00:45:22,814
If I change you into a superhero,
908
00:45:22,856 --> 00:45:25,304
you must heed this warning.
- Nah, I'm good.
909
00:45:25,346 --> 00:45:27,104
- [Orb] Goddammit, this is bad!
910
00:45:27,146 --> 00:45:29,544
It will effect your life, your entire life!
911
00:45:29,586 --> 00:45:30,574
- Let's just do this!
912
00:45:30,616 --> 00:45:32,151
- [Orb] Can't you just wait a second?!
913
00:45:32,193 --> 00:45:33,884
- No, I wanna be big and strong!
914
00:45:33,926 --> 00:45:38,594
- Oy vey, this meshugganah
wants to be a superhero!
915
00:45:38,636 --> 00:45:40,435
Okay, fine.
916
00:45:40,477 --> 00:45:41,904
Here we go!
917
00:45:41,946 --> 00:45:44,946
(suspenseful music)
918
00:45:53,566 --> 00:45:54,419
- Look at me.
919
00:45:55,807 --> 00:45:56,989
I'm beautiful.
920
00:45:58,266 --> 00:46:02,279
I can so seriously get
laid with a bod like this.
921
00:46:05,756 --> 00:46:08,456
No more lonely nights with
the milking machine for me.
922
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:10,871
(smooching)
923
00:46:10,913 --> 00:46:12,484
- [Orb] Yeah, about that!
924
00:46:12,526 --> 00:46:14,344
- [Dynastud] It made
me into the irresistible
925
00:46:14,386 --> 00:46:15,709
stud I am today.
926
00:46:16,586 --> 00:46:20,982
But great beauty comes
with a terrible price.
927
00:46:21,024 --> 00:46:23,941
(funky club music)
928
00:46:37,316 --> 00:46:38,974
- This is my first time.
929
00:46:39,016 --> 00:46:41,044
Be gentle, Jeremiah.
930
00:46:41,086 --> 00:46:42,536
- This is my first time, too.
931
00:46:43,666 --> 00:46:46,919
And call me Dynastud.
932
00:46:47,986 --> 00:46:50,623
- I'll call you anything
you want me to, Dynastud.
933
00:46:58,492 --> 00:47:00,659
(moaning)
934
00:47:03,326 --> 00:47:05,576
(groaning)
935
00:47:06,843 --> 00:47:08,634
(explosion booming)
936
00:47:08,676 --> 00:47:11,509
(animals calling)
937
00:47:15,591 --> 00:47:18,554
- What have I become?!
938
00:47:18,596 --> 00:47:20,344
My penis was a lethal weapon,
939
00:47:20,386 --> 00:47:22,654
and I had a license to thrill.
940
00:47:22,696 --> 00:47:24,464
Thankfully, no matter what,
941
00:47:24,506 --> 00:47:27,099
I had the unconditional love of my mothers.
942
00:47:28,296 --> 00:47:30,314
Momma May? - Mm-hmm?
943
00:47:30,356 --> 00:47:33,540
- Can I ask you about love?
944
00:47:33,582 --> 00:47:34,824
(laughing)
945
00:47:34,866 --> 00:47:37,614
- You're growin' up so fast, aren't you?
946
00:47:37,656 --> 00:47:39,814
- We've had to buy him all new clothes,
947
00:47:39,856 --> 00:47:42,214
just look at those shoulders!
948
00:47:42,256 --> 00:47:44,304
(laughing)
949
00:47:44,346 --> 00:47:46,333
- What's your question, baby boy?
950
00:47:46,375 --> 00:47:47,934
(light music)
951
00:47:47,976 --> 00:47:50,514
- Do you think it's bad to love someone
952
00:47:50,556 --> 00:47:52,606
if you know you're going to destroy them?
953
00:47:56,296 --> 00:47:57,129
- Yes.
954
00:47:58,406 --> 00:47:59,864
Yes, I do.
955
00:47:59,906 --> 00:48:02,484
With powerful love, comes a great duty.
956
00:48:02,526 --> 00:48:05,869
We must never allow
those we love come to harm.
957
00:48:07,586 --> 00:48:12,354
- But what if you really
need to love someone,
958
00:48:12,396 --> 00:48:14,654
but you know they'll be hurt?
959
00:48:14,696 --> 00:48:17,679
- It's such a big question for a young man.
960
00:48:19,586 --> 00:48:22,869
If your love will hurt someone,
961
00:48:24,126 --> 00:48:26,669
then it really isn't love, is it?
962
00:48:28,186 --> 00:48:29,019
- Guess not.
963
00:48:31,976 --> 00:48:32,774
- That's right.
964
00:48:32,816 --> 00:48:34,116
Now go to sleep, Jeremiah.
965
00:48:36,116 --> 00:48:37,766
- Don't call me Jeremiah anymore.
966
00:48:39,196 --> 00:48:40,729
Call me Dynastud.
967
00:48:43,021 --> 00:48:44,380
(laughing)
968
00:48:44,422 --> 00:48:47,071
- You crazy kids and your nicknames.
969
00:48:47,113 --> 00:48:49,363
(laughing)
970
00:48:54,178 --> 00:48:56,678
(light music)
971
00:49:02,623 --> 00:49:04,956
- Dynastud.
972
00:49:07,784 --> 00:49:09,951
Dynastud.
973
00:49:12,806 --> 00:49:16,644
- [Vargas] Tonight, we head
into the heart of darkness.
974
00:49:16,686 --> 00:49:18,076
- I'm not scared.
975
00:49:18,118 --> 00:49:19,004
(laughing)
976
00:49:19,046 --> 00:49:22,333
- Who knows what horrors
these homos have going on?!
977
00:49:24,156 --> 00:49:25,513
- Gay people don't bother me.
978
00:49:25,555 --> 00:49:27,337
- Well, they should bother you.
979
00:49:27,379 --> 00:49:29,392
Because they bother me, ergo,
980
00:49:29,434 --> 00:49:31,351
they should bother you!
981
00:49:32,306 --> 00:49:35,823
With their glitter and their parades.
982
00:49:35,865 --> 00:49:36,656
(scoffs)
983
00:49:36,698 --> 00:49:41,698
And the Queer as Folk
television series on the BBC.
984
00:49:42,046 --> 00:49:44,464
Well, you better enjoy
that bologna sandwich
985
00:49:44,506 --> 00:49:48,144
'cause tonight, we go undercover.
986
00:49:48,186 --> 00:49:49,240
- What are you talking about?
987
00:49:49,282 --> 00:49:50,604
(laughing)
988
00:49:50,646 --> 00:49:53,104
- We need to understand them, Sam, hm?
989
00:49:53,146 --> 00:49:55,094
We need to think like them,
990
00:49:55,136 --> 00:49:58,564
understand them, become them.
991
00:49:58,606 --> 00:50:00,124
Gay men!
992
00:50:00,166 --> 00:50:01,824
That's right, I'll be the pitcher,
993
00:50:01,866 --> 00:50:03,014
and you'll be the catcher!
994
00:50:03,056 --> 00:50:05,744
On this hardball team of hard balls!
995
00:50:05,786 --> 00:50:08,814
Playin' the ball game, oh yes!
996
00:50:08,856 --> 00:50:10,749
We will play balls.
997
00:50:11,846 --> 00:50:13,607
- Maybe you should take up smoking again.
998
00:50:13,649 --> 00:50:15,862
(laughing)
999
00:50:15,904 --> 00:50:18,854
- Sam, Samwise Gamgee!
1000
00:50:18,896 --> 00:50:23,848
Tonight we might be
smoking a big bag of dicks.
1001
00:50:23,890 --> 00:50:24,739
(sniffing)
1002
00:50:24,781 --> 00:50:26,625
(groaning)
1003
00:50:26,667 --> 00:50:27,458
And who knows!
1004
00:50:27,500 --> 00:50:28,804
At the end of all this,
1005
00:50:28,846 --> 00:50:31,974
you might get a real piece
of bologna in your mouth.
1006
00:50:32,016 --> 00:50:33,419
Take it, take it!
1007
00:50:34,724 --> 00:50:38,474
(intense melodic rock music)
1008
00:51:03,766 --> 00:51:04,557
- This is it?
1009
00:51:04,599 --> 00:51:06,884
It doesn't look like much.
1010
00:51:06,926 --> 00:51:07,759
- This is it.
1011
00:51:08,726 --> 00:51:10,684
We're here to meet my old friend,
1012
00:51:10,726 --> 00:51:13,484
the meanest drag queen in all of Canada.
1013
00:51:13,526 --> 00:51:15,004
He goes by the nom de guerre
1014
00:51:15,046 --> 00:51:17,819
of Lee Van Queef.
1015
00:51:18,796 --> 00:51:19,899
- Sounds like a gas.
1016
00:51:24,096 --> 00:51:26,062
(knocking)
1017
00:51:26,104 --> 00:51:28,204
(door creaking)
1018
00:51:28,246 --> 00:51:29,574
- Password?
1019
00:51:29,616 --> 00:51:33,003
- To a new world of Gods and monsters.
1020
00:51:33,045 --> 00:51:36,212
(club music thumping)
1021
00:51:50,876 --> 00:51:52,311
- Who's that man with the ass I just want
1022
00:51:52,353 --> 00:51:55,134
to eat a steak and egg breakfast off of?
1023
00:51:55,176 --> 00:51:58,134
Burma Zapper, you can still
bounce Loonies off this thing!
1024
00:51:58,176 --> 00:52:00,064
- Oh, Lee, you old butt pirate.
1025
00:52:00,106 --> 00:52:02,609
- Dynastud, you magnificent
bastard, bring it in!
1026
00:52:03,816 --> 00:52:05,604
(slapping)
1027
00:52:05,646 --> 00:52:06,754
Who's Peter Pan?
1028
00:52:06,796 --> 00:52:07,914
- I'm Bart.
1029
00:52:07,956 --> 00:52:09,314
- Pleasure to meet you Bart.
1030
00:52:09,356 --> 00:52:11,384
Welcome to Bottom's Up,
1031
00:52:11,426 --> 00:52:13,614
the last free zone in America.
1032
00:52:13,656 --> 00:52:14,674
We've been the final stop
1033
00:52:14,716 --> 00:52:16,894
for the queer underground
railroad for years,
1034
00:52:16,936 --> 00:52:18,204
helpin' these wonderful people
1035
00:52:18,246 --> 00:52:20,474
get their letters of transit to Canada,
1036
00:52:20,516 --> 00:52:22,066
where they can live in freedom.
1037
00:52:22,906 --> 00:52:24,084
- I've seen Lee
1038
00:52:24,126 --> 00:52:26,394
take down an entire battalion
1039
00:52:26,436 --> 00:52:28,044
of MAGA Shock Troops
1040
00:52:28,086 --> 00:52:29,594
without even breaking a nail.
1041
00:52:29,636 --> 00:52:32,584
- Oh, Dynastud, you always
knew how to flatter a girl.
1042
00:52:32,626 --> 00:52:34,294
Now, both of you come with me.
1043
00:52:34,336 --> 00:52:37,566
I've got what you need in my office.
1044
00:52:37,608 --> 00:52:40,775
(club music thumping)
1045
00:52:41,916 --> 00:52:43,649
- This place is like an armory.
1046
00:52:46,016 --> 00:52:47,609
- [Lee] Hold that for me, sugar.
1047
00:52:49,401 --> 00:52:52,274
(clicking)
1048
00:52:52,316 --> 00:52:55,564
- Lee, people would kill for this!
1049
00:52:55,606 --> 00:52:57,174
- What is it?
1050
00:52:57,216 --> 00:52:58,566
- It's a Canadian passport.
1051
00:52:59,516 --> 00:53:01,994
- Operation Neon Cobra has begun.
1052
00:53:02,036 --> 00:53:04,299
- What's Operation Neon Cobra?
1053
00:53:05,636 --> 00:53:08,314
- Boss, there's an
unidentified car outside.
1054
00:53:08,356 --> 00:53:10,064
- Looks like you boys
brought trouble with you.
1055
00:53:10,106 --> 00:53:11,614
Bobo, back door.
1056
00:53:11,656 --> 00:53:12,447
- Gladly.
1057
00:53:12,489 --> 00:53:14,074
- No, take them out the back door!
1058
00:53:14,116 --> 00:53:15,669
And use protection!
1059
00:53:15,711 --> 00:53:18,274
- I don't know, I'm kind
of a bareback man myself.
1060
00:53:18,316 --> 00:53:20,154
- Goddammit, Bobo.
1061
00:53:20,196 --> 00:53:21,204
Take this.
1062
00:53:21,246 --> 00:53:22,294
- Yes, boss.
1063
00:53:22,336 --> 00:53:23,509
Pushy old queen.
1064
00:53:24,466 --> 00:53:26,044
- Lee, will you be okay?
1065
00:53:26,086 --> 00:53:27,564
- Of course, baby, just
make sure to say hello
1066
00:53:27,606 --> 00:53:28,439
to Bruce for me.
1067
00:53:29,447 --> 00:53:32,388
(slapping)
1068
00:53:32,430 --> 00:53:35,597
(club music thumping)
1069
00:53:46,016 --> 00:53:47,194
- Goddammit.
1070
00:53:47,236 --> 00:53:49,424
- Oh, stop pouting, Sam.
1071
00:53:49,466 --> 00:53:51,454
- I told you I wanted to be the Indian.
1072
00:53:51,496 --> 00:53:52,974
- You're not the Indian!
1073
00:53:53,016 --> 00:53:54,404
You're the construction worker!
1074
00:53:54,446 --> 00:53:56,194
- And I say goddammit!
1075
00:53:56,236 --> 00:53:59,754
- I didn't write the song YMCA, Sam.
1076
00:53:59,796 --> 00:54:02,674
It takes a man of certain moral character
1077
00:54:02,716 --> 00:54:04,444
to be the Indian.
1078
00:54:04,486 --> 00:54:06,594
And I'm the goddamn Indian!
1079
00:54:06,636 --> 00:54:08,464
- Hey there, cutie.
1080
00:54:08,506 --> 00:54:09,834
Nice buskins.
1081
00:54:09,876 --> 00:54:13,044
- Hello, fellow gay man!
1082
00:54:13,086 --> 00:54:15,314
Now, should I insert my penis
1083
00:54:15,356 --> 00:54:18,449
into your mouth now or later?
1084
00:54:19,393 --> 00:54:22,574
- I am married, asshole!
1085
00:54:22,616 --> 00:54:24,166
Jeez, just take the compliment.
1086
00:54:25,932 --> 00:54:28,265
(smooching)
1087
00:54:29,586 --> 00:54:32,379
- That guy totally wanted my cock.
1088
00:54:33,326 --> 00:54:34,824
- Nope.
1089
00:54:34,866 --> 00:54:36,539
- Let's try a new tactic.
1090
00:54:38,004 --> 00:54:41,337
(electronic club music)
1091
00:54:42,916 --> 00:54:43,749
Hello!
1092
00:54:44,706 --> 00:54:46,364
We come in peace,
1093
00:54:46,406 --> 00:54:48,449
and we love to fuck butts!
1094
00:54:49,903 --> 00:54:51,048
- You fuckin' creep!
1095
00:54:51,090 --> 00:54:53,984
(shouting)
1096
00:54:54,026 --> 00:54:55,854
- Jesus! - Pardon me.
1097
00:54:55,896 --> 00:54:59,774
Would you like to talk
about RuPaul's Drag Race?
1098
00:54:59,816 --> 00:55:01,884
- You know, I'd love to,
1099
00:55:01,926 --> 00:55:04,634
but I was just about to leave.
1100
00:55:04,676 --> 00:55:08,534
I gotta get to a Gilbert
and Sullivan rehearsal.
1101
00:55:08,576 --> 00:55:10,814
- Well, we should get together
1102
00:55:10,856 --> 00:55:12,544
and hang out sometime.
1103
00:55:12,586 --> 00:55:14,304
- You know, I'd like that.
1104
00:55:14,346 --> 00:55:17,046
I feel like there's been a
real connection between us.
1105
00:55:18,136 --> 00:55:18,969
Call me.
1106
00:55:19,896 --> 00:55:21,374
Bye!
1107
00:55:21,416 --> 00:55:23,214
- My God, Sam!
1108
00:55:23,256 --> 00:55:25,390
You're like the gay whisperer!
1109
00:55:25,432 --> 00:55:28,134
You can think like them, infiltrate them,
1110
00:55:28,176 --> 00:55:29,357
penetrate them!
1111
00:55:29,399 --> 00:55:32,739
Oh, you're going to lead
us straight to Dynastud!
1112
00:55:33,766 --> 00:55:35,340
Let's dance!
1113
00:55:35,382 --> 00:55:38,715
(electronic club music)
1114
00:55:42,168 --> 00:55:43,134
(shouting)
1115
00:55:43,176 --> 00:55:44,754
Why are you all flocking to him?
1116
00:55:44,796 --> 00:55:45,894
- [Man] He's hot, dude.
1117
00:55:45,936 --> 00:55:47,094
- He's super hot.
1118
00:55:47,136 --> 00:55:49,009
- I just love this retro thing.
1119
00:55:49,936 --> 00:55:52,031
- Why the fuck are they attracted to you
1120
00:55:52,073 --> 00:55:53,364
and not me, Sam?!
1121
00:55:53,406 --> 00:55:54,964
- Especially 'cause you're the Indian, too!
1122
00:55:55,006 --> 00:55:57,404
- Oh, fuck you!
1123
00:55:57,446 --> 00:55:58,351
- Fuck you!
1124
00:55:58,393 --> 00:55:59,684
(record scratching)
1125
00:55:59,726 --> 00:56:01,479
- You can't stop the music!
1126
00:56:02,579 --> 00:56:05,444
(funky club music)
1127
00:56:05,486 --> 00:56:06,896
Sup, sweet tits?
1128
00:56:06,938 --> 00:56:07,729
(slapping) (groaning)
1129
00:56:07,771 --> 00:56:09,484
- The name's Lee Van Queef.
1130
00:56:09,526 --> 00:56:10,621
- Wow.
1131
00:56:10,663 --> 00:56:11,864
(scoffs)
1132
00:56:11,906 --> 00:56:13,144
I'd hit that.
1133
00:56:13,186 --> 00:56:15,414
I mean, I know you're a dude and all,
1134
00:56:15,456 --> 00:56:17,624
but I have tape.
1135
00:56:17,666 --> 00:56:19,494
We can tuck it.
1136
00:56:19,536 --> 00:56:21,944
- I provide my own tape, copper top.
1137
00:56:21,986 --> 00:56:23,304
I am a professional.
1138
00:56:23,346 --> 00:56:25,829
- So, Mrs. Van Queef,
1139
00:56:26,736 --> 00:56:30,684
we know you're hiding Dynastud and Bart!
1140
00:56:30,726 --> 00:56:31,763
So, where are they?!
1141
00:56:32,736 --> 00:56:35,154
- Why would I tell a couple
pigs like you anything?
1142
00:56:35,196 --> 00:56:36,924
- We're the law.
1143
00:56:36,966 --> 00:56:39,366
- Well, I'm the law of
the jungle, motherfucker.
1144
00:56:40,441 --> 00:56:44,230
And I would like to introduce
you to the Bear Squad!
1145
00:56:44,272 --> 00:56:46,772
(funky music)
1146
00:56:49,416 --> 00:56:52,704
- We are gonna mop the
floor with you two oinkers.
1147
00:56:52,746 --> 00:56:53,659
- Sam?
1148
00:56:54,716 --> 00:56:56,264
Deploy the twink, quick!
1149
00:56:56,306 --> 00:56:57,549
Before they kill us!
1150
00:56:58,515 --> 00:57:00,848
(whooshing)
1151
00:57:08,758 --> 00:57:11,008
(grunting)
1152
00:57:13,056 --> 00:57:14,884
- Ain't it always the way.
1153
00:57:14,926 --> 00:57:17,624
Fine, let me introduce you to
1154
00:57:17,666 --> 00:57:21,586
the Alberta chapter of
the K.D. Lang fan club!
1155
00:57:21,628 --> 00:57:24,128
(funky music)
1156
00:57:34,726 --> 00:57:36,204
- Dear God.
1157
00:57:36,246 --> 00:57:39,534
Sam, I think we're about
to get fucked harder
1158
00:57:39,576 --> 00:57:42,944
than a $10 whore during fleet week.
1159
00:57:42,986 --> 00:57:44,434
- We're liberals.
1160
00:57:44,476 --> 00:57:47,844
We've got kind hearts and
bottomless compassion.
1161
00:57:47,886 --> 00:57:51,644
We love everyone,
regardless of their differences.
1162
00:57:51,686 --> 00:57:53,214
We show tolerance in the face
1163
00:57:53,256 --> 00:57:56,144
of even the most violent opposition.
1164
00:57:56,186 --> 00:57:59,274
- Even though you bastards
took everything from us,
1165
00:57:59,316 --> 00:58:01,294
and now we've gotta go live in Canada.
1166
00:58:01,336 --> 00:58:04,614
- Seriously, I had to leave
my beautiful house in Georgia
1167
00:58:04,656 --> 00:58:08,234
to come move to this
moose infested wasteland.
1168
00:58:08,276 --> 00:58:11,334
- And everyone's so
goddamn nice all the time.
1169
00:58:11,376 --> 00:58:14,154
- So, come to think of it,
1170
00:58:14,196 --> 00:58:16,314
we really have no choice
1171
00:58:16,356 --> 00:58:17,974
but to beat you to death.
1172
00:58:18,016 --> 00:58:20,674
- Vargas, before we die,
1173
00:58:20,716 --> 00:58:21,626
I need you to know
1174
00:58:22,676 --> 00:58:23,776
I've always loved you.
1175
00:58:24,780 --> 00:58:26,780
(awing)
1176
00:58:28,721 --> 00:58:29,585
- Fag.
1177
00:58:29,627 --> 00:58:30,621
(shouting)
1178
00:58:30,663 --> 00:58:31,496
What?!
1179
00:58:33,742 --> 00:58:34,533
(grunting)
1180
00:58:34,575 --> 00:58:35,653
- Canadians!
1181
00:58:35,695 --> 00:58:36,784
(laughing)
1182
00:58:36,826 --> 00:58:38,250
- They hit like girls.
1183
00:58:38,292 --> 00:58:40,067
(grunting)
1184
00:58:40,109 --> 00:58:42,314
(groaning)
1185
00:58:42,356 --> 00:58:43,956
- Drinks are the house, bitches!
1186
00:58:47,829 --> 00:58:50,803
♪ O Canada ♪
1187
00:58:50,845 --> 00:58:54,953
♪ Our home and native land ♪
1188
00:58:54,995 --> 00:58:57,912
(insects chirping)
1189
00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:02,030
(frogs croaking)
1190
00:59:12,938 --> 00:59:15,434
- Penny for your thoughts, Dynastud?
1191
00:59:15,476 --> 00:59:16,799
- Eat your s'mores, kid.
1192
00:59:21,466 --> 00:59:23,459
- What's Operation Neon Cobra?
1193
00:59:24,936 --> 00:59:26,709
- You'll find out soon enough.
1194
00:59:29,606 --> 00:59:32,114
- Listen, I'm getting sick of this.
1195
00:59:32,156 --> 00:59:33,844
You need to start giving
me some information
1196
00:59:33,886 --> 00:59:36,164
because I'm tired of being
in the dark all the time
1197
00:59:36,206 --> 00:59:37,974
and it's frustrating me!
1198
00:59:38,016 --> 00:59:38,904
- Well, you're gonna have to find a way
1199
00:59:38,946 --> 00:59:40,814
to relieve that frustration.
1200
00:59:40,856 --> 00:59:42,894
- Well, I have the perfect way to do that,
1201
00:59:42,936 --> 00:59:45,264
but it'll cause my head to explode.
1202
00:59:45,306 --> 00:59:47,989
Jesus Christ, I'm so horny!
1203
00:59:49,696 --> 00:59:51,304
- It's true.
1204
00:59:51,346 --> 00:59:52,321
There was only one man
1205
00:59:52,363 --> 00:59:55,214
who could survive the
assault of my sperm cannon.
1206
00:59:55,256 --> 00:59:56,834
- Lucky him.
1207
00:59:56,876 --> 00:59:58,884
Was this that Bruce guy?
1208
00:59:58,926 --> 00:59:59,759
Who was he?
1209
01:00:01,590 --> 01:00:05,706
- In all my life, I've only
ever truly loved one man.
1210
01:00:06,926 --> 01:00:09,124
And his name is Bruce Li.
1211
01:00:09,166 --> 01:00:12,424
- You mean the late, great
kung-fu master, Bruce Lee?
1212
01:00:12,466 --> 01:00:14,834
- Not to be confused
with that other Bruce guy.
1213
01:00:14,876 --> 01:00:16,276
His last name is spelled Li.
1214
01:00:17,716 --> 01:00:19,302
But all the same.
1215
01:00:19,344 --> 01:00:20,704
He was a great fighter,
1216
01:00:20,746 --> 01:00:23,856
a mighty warrior, and a true hero.
1217
01:00:23,898 --> 01:00:27,148
(funky 80s rock music)
1218
01:00:31,526 --> 01:00:33,889
- Mecha Trump!
1219
01:00:35,183 --> 01:00:39,007
- [Mecha Trump] Terminate, terminate!
1220
01:00:39,049 --> 01:00:42,049
(footsteps booming)
1221
01:00:44,750 --> 01:00:49,750
(zapping) (screaming)
1222
01:00:50,026 --> 01:00:52,524
- One day Bruce got hurt
while shooting a movie
1223
01:00:52,566 --> 01:00:55,254
in Toronto called Fists of Karma,
1224
01:00:55,296 --> 01:00:58,004
so he was put in cryogenic freeze.
1225
01:00:58,046 --> 01:01:00,944
He healed, but nothing could revive him.
1226
01:01:00,986 --> 01:01:02,924
But then we found the scrolls!
1227
01:01:02,966 --> 01:01:06,384
And they said that only
the seed of one pure of heart
1228
01:01:06,426 --> 01:01:08,149
could awaken the fallen warrior.
1229
01:01:09,516 --> 01:01:10,349
And that seed
1230
01:01:12,056 --> 01:01:13,059
is your semen, Bart.
1231
01:01:14,132 --> 01:01:15,554
(ominous music)
1232
01:01:15,596 --> 01:01:16,804
- I'm sorry, what?
1233
01:01:16,846 --> 01:01:18,634
- Yeah, they were ancient scrolls
1234
01:01:18,676 --> 01:01:19,944
of foretold... - No, no, no, no, no.
1235
01:01:19,986 --> 01:01:22,069
Fuck the scrolls, the other part.
1236
01:01:23,146 --> 01:01:24,764
- The cryogenic freeze?
1237
01:01:24,806 --> 01:01:27,694
- No, the part about my man jam!
1238
01:01:27,736 --> 01:01:29,544
- Your semen will awaken Bruce Li,
1239
01:01:29,586 --> 01:01:31,184
it is foretold, and so it shall be!
1240
01:01:31,226 --> 01:01:33,326
- Wait, back to my dick snot for a second.
1241
01:01:35,366 --> 01:01:38,004
- It also says when we awakens,
1242
01:01:38,046 --> 01:01:39,924
we will have sex,
1243
01:01:39,966 --> 01:01:42,159
and there will be an explosive orgasm,
1244
01:01:43,316 --> 01:01:47,004
and that orgasm will mark the beginning
1245
01:01:47,046 --> 01:01:48,849
of a new dawn of humanity!
1246
01:01:50,806 --> 01:01:52,224
- I feel really faint right now.
1247
01:01:52,266 --> 01:01:54,609
I think I need a candy bar or something.
1248
01:01:57,506 --> 01:01:59,054
- I need you, Bart.
1249
01:01:59,096 --> 01:02:00,389
Bruce needs you.
1250
01:02:01,586 --> 01:02:03,749
America, what's left of it, needs you.
1251
01:02:05,216 --> 01:02:06,266
You're the lynch pin.
1252
01:02:07,456 --> 01:02:09,044
What do you say?
1253
01:02:09,086 --> 01:02:12,484
- Oh, Dynastud, who can say no to you?
1254
01:02:12,526 --> 01:02:13,644
- No one.
1255
01:02:13,686 --> 01:02:14,699
That's my gift.
1256
01:02:15,586 --> 01:02:16,559
And my curse.
1257
01:02:17,696 --> 01:02:20,756
- I thought your banging dick
was your gift and your curse.
1258
01:02:20,798 --> 01:02:22,474
- I've got a lot of gifts,
1259
01:02:22,516 --> 01:02:23,679
and a lot of curses.
1260
01:02:24,656 --> 01:02:26,356
That's what makes me irresistible.
1261
01:02:27,246 --> 01:02:30,899
That is also my gift and my curse.
1262
01:02:31,840 --> 01:02:34,340
(light music)
1263
01:02:38,306 --> 01:02:40,524
- Can't I just suck you off a little bit?
1264
01:02:40,566 --> 01:02:41,804
- No!
1265
01:02:41,846 --> 01:02:42,949
It's too dangerous!
1266
01:02:45,166 --> 01:02:47,164
Why don't I return the favor?
1267
01:02:47,206 --> 01:02:48,228
- You mean?
1268
01:02:48,270 --> 01:02:49,123
(zipper scratching)
1269
01:02:49,165 --> 01:02:50,699
Damn, your smooth!
1270
01:02:51,841 --> 01:02:55,674
(singing in foreign language)
1271
01:02:58,946 --> 01:03:00,169
- Go fish.
1272
01:03:02,533 --> 01:03:03,858
- Burn in hell.
1273
01:03:03,900 --> 01:03:05,902
(gun shot booming)
1274
01:03:05,944 --> 01:03:08,194
(thudding)
1275
01:03:13,136 --> 01:03:15,864
- Shall I clean that up for you, sir?
1276
01:03:15,906 --> 01:03:17,394
- No!
1277
01:03:17,436 --> 01:03:20,084
Everyone's getting too
complacent around here.
1278
01:03:20,126 --> 01:03:22,076
Leave him there as a warning to others.
1279
01:03:23,276 --> 01:03:24,344
- Did, did you hear?
1280
01:03:24,386 --> 01:03:26,374
Those two MAGA Agents were killed!
1281
01:03:26,416 --> 01:03:27,249
- No!
1282
01:03:28,416 --> 01:03:29,636
No! (gun shot booming)
1283
01:03:29,678 --> 01:03:30,689
No!
1284
01:03:30,731 --> 01:03:31,840
No!
1285
01:03:31,882 --> 01:03:33,011
No!
1286
01:03:33,053 --> 01:03:36,534
(singing in foreign language)
1287
01:03:36,576 --> 01:03:38,632
Who the fuck did that?
1288
01:03:38,674 --> 01:03:39,604
- You did!
1289
01:03:39,646 --> 01:03:41,494
- I did no such thing!
1290
01:03:41,536 --> 01:03:44,084
- Daddy, I don't mean to criticize,
1291
01:03:44,126 --> 01:03:46,069
but you might be kind of an asshole.
1292
01:03:46,906 --> 01:03:49,184
- Well, nobody's gonna miss those two.
1293
01:03:49,226 --> 01:03:51,104
We'll have 'em buried out in the backyard,
1294
01:03:51,146 --> 01:03:54,239
next to your mother and the horse.
1295
01:03:57,478 --> 01:03:59,645
(moaning)
1296
01:04:00,746 --> 01:04:02,634
- Oh yeah!
1297
01:04:02,676 --> 01:04:05,574
Oh, I've never felt
anything like this before!
1298
01:04:05,616 --> 01:04:08,434
- Bart, your semen, it glows!
1299
01:04:08,476 --> 01:04:09,926
You truly are the chosen one.
1300
01:04:11,196 --> 01:04:12,244
- Hey!
1301
01:04:12,286 --> 01:04:14,144
I feel used!
1302
01:04:14,186 --> 01:04:18,059
- Bart, with this seed will
grow a mighty tree of justice.
1303
01:04:19,146 --> 01:04:21,784
- That's it, I've had enough of this.
1304
01:04:21,826 --> 01:04:23,354
You got what you wanted from me,
1305
01:04:23,396 --> 01:04:25,839
so my part of this story is over.
1306
01:04:26,826 --> 01:04:28,724
- It's far from over, Bart.
1307
01:04:28,766 --> 01:04:30,316
You're a hero deep down inside.
1308
01:04:31,256 --> 01:04:33,434
Now, you can either go back to America
1309
01:04:33,476 --> 01:04:35,964
and spend the rest of your life running,
1310
01:04:36,006 --> 01:04:37,684
or you can join me
1311
01:04:37,726 --> 01:04:39,526
and change the world for the better.
1312
01:04:40,886 --> 01:04:41,949
The choice is yours.
1313
01:04:43,376 --> 01:04:44,789
- I'll take my chances.
1314
01:04:45,733 --> 01:04:48,483
(frogs croaking)
1315
01:04:53,308 --> 01:04:55,734
(dark ominous music)
1316
01:04:55,776 --> 01:04:57,849
- I should probably go
wash out my mouth now.
1317
01:05:27,512 --> 01:05:28,964
(crunching)
1318
01:05:29,006 --> 01:05:29,839
- Hello?
1319
01:05:31,465 --> 01:05:32,579
Dynastud, is that you?
1320
01:05:37,467 --> 01:05:40,550
(cell phone ringing)
1321
01:05:46,249 --> 01:05:48,669
Looks like my luck's beginning to change.
1322
01:05:49,554 --> 01:05:52,554
(suspenseful music)
1323
01:06:04,786 --> 01:06:06,953
(gasping)
1324
01:06:10,676 --> 01:06:13,229
- Hello, oneeyedyogurtslinger69.
1325
01:06:14,126 --> 01:06:16,514
- Yeah, that's my username.
1326
01:06:16,556 --> 01:06:18,304
You can call me Bart.
1327
01:06:18,346 --> 01:06:19,824
- I am hot for you?
1328
01:06:19,866 --> 01:06:20,854
- Sure.
1329
01:06:20,896 --> 01:06:22,754
I didn't know this was a cruising spot.
1330
01:06:22,796 --> 01:06:24,474
Seems a little out of the way.
1331
01:06:24,516 --> 01:06:27,144
- I want to be woman for you.
1332
01:06:27,186 --> 01:06:28,354
- Um, what?
1333
01:06:28,396 --> 01:06:30,124
You want to?
1334
01:06:30,166 --> 01:06:32,209
- All over my tits.
1335
01:06:33,886 --> 01:06:35,179
- Are you feeling okay?
1336
01:06:36,546 --> 01:06:38,189
- Wait, no.
1337
01:06:39,386 --> 01:06:41,464
I want to be the man.
1338
01:06:41,506 --> 01:06:43,469
You be the woman, right?
1339
01:06:44,486 --> 01:06:46,304
- Are you new at this?
1340
01:06:46,346 --> 01:06:49,606
- I want to submit to
your manly leadership.
1341
01:06:49,648 --> 01:06:50,654
(gasping)
1342
01:06:50,696 --> 01:06:53,363
(intense music)
1343
01:06:54,306 --> 01:06:55,194
That was easy.
1344
01:06:55,236 --> 01:06:57,886
All these guys care about
is getting their rocks off.
1345
01:07:01,203 --> 01:07:03,453
(grunting)
1346
01:07:04,941 --> 01:07:06,941
(thuds)
1347
01:07:07,795 --> 01:07:10,045
(grunting)
1348
01:07:11,389 --> 01:07:13,499
(electricity zapping)
1349
01:07:13,541 --> 01:07:14,604
- Kick his ass, Bart!
1350
01:07:14,646 --> 01:07:16,884
- I can't, I don't believe in violence.
1351
01:07:16,926 --> 01:07:18,824
- Well, it's time to buck up, buckaroo!
1352
01:07:18,866 --> 01:07:19,657
- I won't do it!
1353
01:07:19,699 --> 01:07:22,534
- Time to go home and fuck your wife, Bart.
1354
01:07:22,576 --> 01:07:24,754
- They're gonna make
you fuck a woman, Bart!
1355
01:07:24,796 --> 01:07:25,974
- It doesn't matter!
1356
01:07:26,016 --> 01:07:26,949
I won't do it!
1357
01:07:35,788 --> 01:07:36,719
(screaming)
1358
01:07:36,761 --> 01:07:40,198
(electricity zapping)
1359
01:07:40,240 --> 01:07:43,907
(squishy explosion popping)
1360
01:07:47,390 --> 01:07:48,504
(rustling)
1361
01:07:48,546 --> 01:07:52,004
- Bart, what's your problem?
1362
01:07:52,046 --> 01:07:53,374
- Violence!
1363
01:07:53,416 --> 01:07:54,574
I don't do that!
1364
01:07:54,616 --> 01:07:56,374
You're the one who
said I was pure of heart,
1365
01:07:56,416 --> 01:07:57,764
I mean, Christ!
1366
01:07:57,806 --> 01:08:00,024
Do you want my semen to turn toxic?
1367
01:08:00,066 --> 01:08:01,754
- I don't think that's how it works.
1368
01:08:01,796 --> 01:08:04,634
- I've been taught to love, not to fight.
1369
01:08:04,676 --> 01:08:06,464
- Well, sometimes fighting is necessary.
1370
01:08:06,506 --> 01:08:08,924
It can actually be a great deal of fun.
1371
01:08:08,966 --> 01:08:12,634
- That's no answer, or even a good excuse.
1372
01:08:12,676 --> 01:08:16,624
- Look, my point is you
need to stop being a pussy,
1373
01:08:16,666 --> 01:08:17,916
or you're gonna get hurt.
1374
01:08:20,926 --> 01:08:23,485
- I think you're the one
who's afraid of being hurt.
1375
01:08:23,527 --> 01:08:25,984
(footsteps crunching)
1376
01:08:26,026 --> 01:08:27,884
- I'm not afraid of anything!
1377
01:08:27,926 --> 01:08:29,674
I'm Dynastud!
1378
01:08:29,716 --> 01:08:31,669
I'm a superhero, for God's sakes!
1379
01:08:33,556 --> 01:08:34,869
I'm every man's nightmare.
1380
01:08:36,516 --> 01:08:37,769
And every woman's dream.
1381
01:08:39,020 --> 01:08:42,514
(frogs croaking)
1382
01:08:42,556 --> 01:08:43,759
- Who the hell is it?
1383
01:08:44,686 --> 01:08:45,934
What?!
1384
01:08:45,976 --> 01:08:47,474
They're what?
1385
01:08:47,516 --> 01:08:48,693
They're both dead?!
1386
01:08:50,906 --> 01:08:52,094
Are you kidding me?
1387
01:08:52,136 --> 01:08:54,009
Well, nice talk, adios.
1388
01:08:55,452 --> 01:08:57,134
(sighs)
1389
01:08:57,176 --> 01:08:58,884
Goddammit.
1390
01:08:58,926 --> 01:09:01,454
I'm gonna have to do this myself.
1391
01:09:01,496 --> 01:09:03,996
(eerie music)
1392
01:09:07,676 --> 01:09:09,264
- Senator Hightower!
1393
01:09:09,306 --> 01:09:11,111
- The fuck is wrong with you?!
1394
01:09:11,153 --> 01:09:11,944
(coughing)
1395
01:09:11,986 --> 01:09:14,504
- I was trying to be mysterious!
1396
01:09:14,546 --> 01:09:16,834
Easy, I bruise, I bruise!
1397
01:09:16,876 --> 01:09:18,254
- I'm here too, dad!
1398
01:09:18,296 --> 01:09:19,744
- Fuck everything!
1399
01:09:19,786 --> 01:09:21,654
(groaning)
1400
01:09:21,696 --> 01:09:23,844
- I'm gonna bleed, I'm gonna bleed.
1401
01:09:23,886 --> 01:09:24,924
- Where are we going?
1402
01:09:24,966 --> 01:09:26,524
- You're not coming.
1403
01:09:26,566 --> 01:09:28,474
- I never get to go anywhere,
1404
01:09:28,516 --> 01:09:30,857
but this time, I am coming!
1405
01:09:30,899 --> 01:09:32,344
(groaning)
1406
01:09:32,386 --> 01:09:34,984
You are not going to leave me
1407
01:09:35,026 --> 01:09:37,099
like you left mom!
1408
01:09:37,141 --> 01:09:37,932
(groaning)
1409
01:09:37,974 --> 01:09:41,374
I will kill this motherfucker
1410
01:09:41,416 --> 01:09:43,561
before I let you do that!
1411
01:09:43,603 --> 01:09:48,154
(banging) (groaning)
1412
01:09:48,196 --> 01:09:51,949
- I've cracked at least three ribs, Patty.
1413
01:09:53,322 --> 01:09:55,464
And I'm blacking out.
1414
01:09:55,506 --> 01:09:58,924
- Look, Patty, I'm sorry
1415
01:09:58,966 --> 01:10:00,554
I wasn't there for you!
1416
01:10:00,596 --> 01:10:04,006
- Don't you see, it's
because of you I am like this!
1417
01:10:05,516 --> 01:10:07,844
I wanna be in your life, dad!
1418
01:10:07,886 --> 01:10:09,574
Let me in!
1419
01:10:09,616 --> 01:10:12,448
I love you!
1420
01:10:12,490 --> 01:10:13,994
(speaking foreign language)
1421
01:10:14,036 --> 01:10:16,332
- Come here, sugar lamb.
1422
01:10:16,374 --> 01:10:18,957
(gentle music)
1423
01:10:21,906 --> 01:10:24,936
Let's go get your homo husband.
1424
01:10:26,965 --> 01:10:28,868
(whirring)
1425
01:10:28,910 --> 01:10:31,506
- Ooh, it has one of those! - Yeah!
1426
01:10:31,548 --> 01:10:32,577
(squealing)
1427
01:10:32,619 --> 01:10:33,452
Let's go.
1428
01:10:37,152 --> 01:10:38,293
(thudding)
1429
01:10:38,335 --> 01:10:42,085
(waterfall gently splashing)
1430
01:10:44,476 --> 01:10:46,279
- Why are we stopping?
1431
01:10:47,436 --> 01:10:48,269
- Look.
1432
01:10:49,716 --> 01:10:50,566
- [Bart] Is that?
1433
01:10:51,496 --> 01:10:52,339
- Winnipeg.
1434
01:10:53,246 --> 01:10:55,059
Land of mystery and magic.
1435
01:10:56,116 --> 01:10:58,274
But before we go any further,
1436
01:10:58,316 --> 01:10:59,716
I need you to level with me.
1437
01:11:01,106 --> 01:11:02,506
Why don't you like violence?
1438
01:11:09,566 --> 01:11:11,189
Okay, this is happening.
1439
01:11:12,676 --> 01:11:13,976
- When I was really young,
1440
01:11:14,856 --> 01:11:17,004
my parents, they took
me to a Chuck E. Cheese.
1441
01:11:17,046 --> 01:11:18,644
- Yes, I could see how that would do it.
1442
01:11:18,686 --> 01:11:21,074
- No, that's not the whole story.
1443
01:11:21,116 --> 01:11:22,166
When we were leaving,
1444
01:11:23,416 --> 01:11:26,344
they were robbed and
murdered by a couple of thugs.
1445
01:11:26,386 --> 01:11:27,854
- Hand over your wallet and your purse,
1446
01:11:27,896 --> 01:11:28,687
and nobody gets hurt.
1447
01:11:28,729 --> 01:11:30,234
- I beg your pardon?
1448
01:11:30,276 --> 01:11:31,704
- Listen, we just want the cash.
1449
01:11:31,746 --> 01:11:33,614
Give us the money, you can walk away.
1450
01:11:33,656 --> 01:11:35,634
- This is a Gucci wallet.
1451
01:11:35,676 --> 01:11:40,079
- And this is an Ivanka
Trump signature handbag.
1452
01:11:41,216 --> 01:11:42,584
- I don't think you understand.
1453
01:11:42,626 --> 01:11:43,694
I just want your money.
1454
01:11:43,736 --> 01:11:46,086
Hand it over, or I'm
gonna ventilate your wife.
1455
01:11:47,246 --> 01:11:50,264
- Look, my lobbyist did not work tirelessly
1456
01:11:50,306 --> 01:11:52,074
to repeal the estate tax laws,
1457
01:11:52,116 --> 01:11:54,114
so I could keep all of
my father's inheritance,
1458
01:11:54,156 --> 01:11:55,974
just to give it to some parasite
1459
01:11:56,016 --> 01:11:57,614
looking for a free handout!
1460
01:11:57,656 --> 01:11:59,976
- Just look at the two of you.
1461
01:12:00,018 --> 01:12:02,094
I mean, I respect your right to open carry,
1462
01:12:02,136 --> 01:12:03,074
but you should know better
1463
01:12:03,116 --> 01:12:06,299
never to threaten people of our skin color.
1464
01:12:07,376 --> 01:12:09,894
When you see people this pale,
1465
01:12:09,936 --> 01:12:14,204
think of us like an orange
vest during hunting season.
1466
01:12:14,246 --> 01:12:15,814
- I mean, really, let's talk about
1467
01:12:15,856 --> 01:12:18,584
how trickle-down economics works.
1468
01:12:18,626 --> 01:12:19,574
- Trickle this!
1469
01:12:19,616 --> 01:12:20,407
(gun shot booming)
1470
01:12:20,449 --> 01:12:21,414
- Whoa!
1471
01:12:21,456 --> 01:12:23,134
Well, did you hunt these guys down
1472
01:12:23,176 --> 01:12:25,454
and kill them in a most gruesome fashion?
1473
01:12:25,496 --> 01:12:26,454
- No.
1474
01:12:26,496 --> 01:12:27,874
I followed them home,
1475
01:12:27,916 --> 01:12:30,544
and they kinda took pity
on me and adopted me.
1476
01:12:30,586 --> 01:12:32,394
But they were really nice.
1477
01:12:32,436 --> 01:12:33,704
- Uh. - And then,
1478
01:12:33,746 --> 01:12:35,544
in an even stranger turn of events,
1479
01:12:35,586 --> 01:12:37,464
when we were leaving Build-A-Bear,
1480
01:12:37,506 --> 01:12:40,204
they were robbed and murdered
by another group of thugs
1481
01:12:40,246 --> 01:12:41,489
who weren't so nice.
1482
01:12:44,326 --> 01:12:46,564
- Is this because of the
radioactive spider thing?
1483
01:12:46,606 --> 01:12:48,984
Because I was just
busting your balls, Bart.
1484
01:12:49,026 --> 01:12:50,989
- No, this actually happened!
1485
01:12:52,966 --> 01:12:55,123
- Alright, we're losing daylight, let's go.
1486
01:12:55,165 --> 01:12:59,498
(waterfall gently splashing)
1487
01:12:59,540 --> 01:13:02,957
(funky electronic music)
1488
01:13:07,086 --> 01:13:08,449
- My God!
1489
01:13:09,526 --> 01:13:11,624
Is that where Bruce Li is stored?!
1490
01:13:11,666 --> 01:13:12,834
- In that spaceship?
1491
01:13:12,876 --> 01:13:14,074
No, Bart.
1492
01:13:14,116 --> 01:13:15,264
In order to get to Bruce Li,
1493
01:13:15,306 --> 01:13:16,894
we must travel to the outer most reaches
1494
01:13:16,936 --> 01:13:18,854
of our solar system.
1495
01:13:18,896 --> 01:13:21,104
Our mission is just beginning.
1496
01:13:21,146 --> 01:13:21,979
- Bitchin'!
1497
01:13:23,803 --> 01:13:24,862
(spaceship whooshing)
1498
01:13:24,904 --> 01:13:27,374
(intense music)
1499
01:13:27,416 --> 01:13:29,516
- Now I think we should run!
1500
01:13:29,558 --> 01:13:31,808
(cackling)
1501
01:13:33,067 --> 01:13:34,959
(shouting)
1502
01:13:35,001 --> 01:13:36,519
(lasers blasting)
1503
01:13:36,561 --> 01:13:38,811
(laughing)
1504
01:13:40,802 --> 01:13:42,464
(whirring)
1505
01:13:42,506 --> 01:13:45,339
(lasers blasting)
1506
01:13:47,326 --> 01:13:49,929
- Dynastud, we have
something coming up on our tail!
1507
01:13:49,971 --> 01:13:51,694
(whooshing)
1508
01:13:51,736 --> 01:13:52,669
- He found us.
1509
01:13:56,696 --> 01:13:59,594
- Prepare to meet your maker.
1510
01:13:59,636 --> 01:14:00,844
And in this case,
1511
01:14:00,886 --> 01:14:02,969
your maker is me.
1512
01:14:08,351 --> 01:14:11,624
- To the end, I grapple with thee!
1513
01:14:11,666 --> 01:14:15,194
From hell's heart, I stab at thee!
1514
01:14:15,236 --> 01:14:16,224
In the name of hate,
1515
01:14:16,266 --> 01:14:18,909
I spit my last breath at thee!
1516
01:14:19,876 --> 01:14:21,976
- When did you learn to read?
1517
01:14:22,018 --> 01:14:24,192
(intense music)
1518
01:14:24,234 --> 01:14:27,067
(lasers blasting)
1519
01:14:34,721 --> 01:14:35,606
(explosion booming)
1520
01:14:35,648 --> 01:14:37,648
- [Bart] We've been hit!
1521
01:14:39,421 --> 01:14:41,134
- And lost power in the aft engines.
1522
01:14:41,176 --> 01:14:44,094
We'll never make it to
the Canadian mothership.
1523
01:14:44,136 --> 01:14:45,564
Unless.
1524
01:14:45,606 --> 01:14:46,523
- Unless?!
1525
01:14:47,626 --> 01:14:49,944
- You're going to have to blow me, Bart.
1526
01:14:49,986 --> 01:14:50,777
It might kill you,
1527
01:14:50,819 --> 01:14:53,144
but I may be able to redirect the force
1528
01:14:53,186 --> 01:14:55,404
of my orgasm into the ship's main engines,
1529
01:14:55,446 --> 01:14:57,944
allowing us to go into hyper speed.
1530
01:14:57,986 --> 01:14:59,550
- Aye aye, captain!
1531
01:14:59,592 --> 01:15:02,092
(funky music)
1532
01:15:05,256 --> 01:15:08,424
- This next shot will
rob them of their powers.
1533
01:15:08,466 --> 01:15:09,984
Then we'll board the ship,
1534
01:15:10,026 --> 01:15:11,704
kill Dynastud,
1535
01:15:11,746 --> 01:15:14,054
and bring Bart back to Earth.
1536
01:15:14,096 --> 01:15:15,959
And he can finally board you.
1537
01:15:17,616 --> 01:15:19,979
- Glass doors open.
1538
01:15:21,543 --> 01:15:23,514
(whooshing)
1539
01:15:23,556 --> 01:15:24,856
- More tongue, you fucker!
1540
01:15:26,552 --> 01:15:29,635
(missiles whooshing)
1541
01:15:30,651 --> 01:15:31,523
(groaning)
1542
01:15:31,565 --> 01:15:33,294
Ah, he shoots!
1543
01:15:33,336 --> 01:15:34,820
Oh, he scores!
1544
01:15:34,862 --> 01:15:37,029
(moaning)
1545
01:15:39,946 --> 01:15:43,314
- Why is it so salty, why?!
1546
01:15:43,356 --> 01:15:44,689
That can't be healthy!
1547
01:15:47,246 --> 01:15:48,359
- Bart, we're here!
1548
01:15:49,286 --> 01:15:53,184
Emergency Canadian
maple syrup space reserves!
1549
01:15:53,226 --> 01:15:56,154
Billions and billions of
gallons are stored up in there,
1550
01:15:56,196 --> 01:15:58,494
in case of the death of
the world's maple trees.
1551
01:15:58,536 --> 01:16:01,604
- It tastes like liquid beef jerky.
1552
01:16:01,646 --> 01:16:03,329
Is there any water on this ship?
1553
01:16:04,226 --> 01:16:05,194
- Red Maple?
1554
01:16:05,236 --> 01:16:06,164
Red Maple?
1555
01:16:06,206 --> 01:16:07,574
This is Dynastud.
1556
01:16:07,616 --> 01:16:09,314
Requesting permission to board.
1557
01:16:09,356 --> 01:16:10,794
- [Red Maple] Permission granted.
1558
01:16:10,836 --> 01:16:12,004
Welcome to the emergency
1559
01:16:12,046 --> 01:16:14,854
Canadian maple syrup space reserves.
1560
01:16:14,896 --> 01:16:17,216
The syrup must flow.
1561
01:16:17,258 --> 01:16:20,508
(electronic bleeping)
1562
01:16:29,906 --> 01:16:31,604
- Are all these filled with?
1563
01:16:31,646 --> 01:16:33,374
- Pure maple syrup.
1564
01:16:33,416 --> 01:16:36,184
The very lifeblood of the Canadian economy.
1565
01:16:36,226 --> 01:16:37,946
Welcome to the (speaking foreign language).
1566
01:16:40,422 --> 01:16:42,394
Ooh, and whatever you do,
1567
01:16:42,436 --> 01:16:46,288
stay away from that
big button on the far wall.
1568
01:16:46,330 --> 01:16:48,997
(ominous music)
1569
01:17:03,516 --> 01:17:06,659
Funny, I never noticed the
naked Asian man until just now.
1570
01:17:14,226 --> 01:17:15,874
- We'll take it from here.
1571
01:17:15,916 --> 01:17:18,014
- Sorry, didn't mean to pry.
1572
01:17:18,056 --> 01:17:20,539
If you need me, I'll be
watching my programs.
1573
01:17:48,756 --> 01:17:51,079
- Welcome, Dynastud, my lover.
1574
01:17:52,056 --> 01:17:53,899
I've returned to the world again.
1575
01:17:55,386 --> 01:17:58,589
The wheel of destiny continues apace.
1576
01:17:59,687 --> 01:18:02,854
(electronic bleeping)
1577
01:18:05,855 --> 01:18:08,214
(sighs)
1578
01:18:08,256 --> 01:18:11,434
- Bruce, this is Bart.
1579
01:18:11,476 --> 01:18:13,704
I believe the one the prophecy's foretold.
1580
01:18:13,746 --> 01:18:16,160
- He is certainly handsome.
1581
01:18:16,202 --> 01:18:16,993
(whooshing)
1582
01:18:17,035 --> 01:18:19,404
- Whoa, what was that?
1583
01:18:19,446 --> 01:18:22,154
- Yes, and his heart is pure.
1584
01:18:22,196 --> 01:18:24,754
- Just as the scrolls foretold.
1585
01:18:24,796 --> 01:18:26,484
- Okay, look.
1586
01:18:26,526 --> 01:18:27,644
I'm getting at pretty annoyed
1587
01:18:27,686 --> 01:18:29,154
at not being told anything
1588
01:18:29,196 --> 01:18:32,264
and just being batted around
like a pawn in your game!
1589
01:18:32,306 --> 01:18:34,806
I want somebody to tell
me what's going (moaning).
1590
01:18:37,006 --> 01:18:38,434
Oh, that felt so good.
1591
01:18:38,476 --> 01:18:39,834
- Calmly, Bart.
1592
01:18:39,876 --> 01:18:41,564
You must be calm.
1593
01:18:41,606 --> 01:18:44,151
You deserve to know if
you're the hero we seek.
1594
01:18:44,193 --> 01:18:45,745
(explosion booming)
1595
01:18:45,787 --> 01:18:47,784
(kung-fu yelling)
1596
01:18:47,826 --> 01:18:50,774
What in the name of
the Buddha is this shit?!
1597
01:18:50,816 --> 01:18:52,292
(door whirring)
1598
01:18:52,334 --> 01:18:54,614
(emergency alarm blaring)
1599
01:18:54,656 --> 01:18:56,649
- We meet again, Dynastud.
1600
01:18:57,836 --> 01:18:59,894
For the last time.
1601
01:18:59,936 --> 01:19:01,364
- Hightower.
1602
01:19:01,406 --> 01:19:05,224
- I'm here because you stole
away my daughter's husband.
1603
01:19:05,266 --> 01:19:06,804
- Bart, you're married?
1604
01:19:06,846 --> 01:19:08,564
- Not on purpose.
1605
01:19:08,606 --> 01:19:09,784
- Okay.
1606
01:19:09,826 --> 01:19:14,826
- Say goodbye to your
perverted ways, Dynastud.
1607
01:19:15,124 --> 01:19:17,957
(lasers blasting)
1608
01:19:18,916 --> 01:19:19,749
Well?
1609
01:19:21,366 --> 01:19:24,759
- I kinda wanna watch football?
1610
01:19:26,136 --> 01:19:28,444
And play video games with my brahs.
1611
01:19:28,486 --> 01:19:29,359
- It worked!
1612
01:19:30,205 --> 01:19:32,594
Dynastud is straight!
1613
01:19:32,636 --> 01:19:34,344
- Dynastud, straight?!
1614
01:19:34,386 --> 01:19:36,394
- What have you done with him, you fiends!
1615
01:19:36,436 --> 01:19:38,704
- Whoa, everyone, just chill!
1616
01:19:38,746 --> 01:19:41,204
- Now, with Dynastud straight,
1617
01:19:41,246 --> 01:19:43,394
we can blast Bart and get him out of here
1618
01:19:43,436 --> 01:19:46,214
and safely brainwashed and back to Patty.
1619
01:19:46,256 --> 01:19:49,184
I've turned you straight, Dynastud.
1620
01:19:49,226 --> 01:19:52,096
Now, you're going to
scratch your balls in public
1621
01:19:53,056 --> 01:19:54,379
and not even care!
1622
01:19:55,226 --> 01:19:58,624
You're not going to notice
other people's feelings,
1623
01:19:58,666 --> 01:19:59,799
especially women.
1624
01:20:00,686 --> 01:20:04,204
You're going to shit and not flush.
1625
01:20:04,246 --> 01:20:07,184
And never do the dishes,
1626
01:20:07,226 --> 01:20:09,131
and think to yourself,
1627
01:20:09,173 --> 01:20:13,424
"Why are there no clean dishes?"
1628
01:20:13,466 --> 01:20:15,829
What do you think of that?
1629
01:20:17,736 --> 01:20:21,039
- I think you're a fucking idiot.
1630
01:20:22,246 --> 01:20:23,674
- Oh yeah?
1631
01:20:23,716 --> 01:20:24,764
Why?
1632
01:20:24,806 --> 01:20:27,294
- Because you just turned me straight.
1633
01:20:27,336 --> 01:20:29,284
You didn't turn me to your side,
1634
01:20:29,326 --> 01:20:31,429
you didn't take away my superpowers.
1635
01:20:32,886 --> 01:20:37,774
If anything, you amplified
them with undo aggression.
1636
01:20:37,816 --> 01:20:38,993
- What are you doing?!
1637
01:20:41,316 --> 01:20:44,039
- 100 billion gallons.
1638
01:20:45,316 --> 01:20:47,529
- All pointed at America!
1639
01:20:51,680 --> 01:20:53,232
Dynastud!
1640
01:20:53,274 --> 01:20:55,494
If you push that button,
1641
01:20:55,536 --> 01:20:58,414
it will flood all of America.
1642
01:20:58,456 --> 01:21:00,244
Everything that we hold dear
1643
01:21:00,286 --> 01:21:03,284
will wash away in a tide of maple.
1644
01:21:03,326 --> 01:21:04,948
Everything!
1645
01:21:04,990 --> 01:21:07,344
A class system nobody questions!
1646
01:21:07,386 --> 01:21:11,334
Empty strip malls and
Starbucks on every corner,
1647
01:21:11,376 --> 01:21:15,389
the biggest perpetual
war machine in the world.
1648
01:21:16,906 --> 01:21:18,049
Come on, Dynastud.
1649
01:21:19,326 --> 01:21:20,855
What do ya say?
1650
01:21:20,897 --> 01:21:23,397
(eerie music)
1651
01:21:27,666 --> 01:21:29,064
- Fuck it.
1652
01:21:29,106 --> 01:21:30,445
I want pancakes.
1653
01:21:30,487 --> 01:21:33,154
(alarm blaring)
1654
01:21:36,588 --> 01:21:39,921
(maple syrup splashing)
1655
01:21:41,341 --> 01:21:43,674
(screaming)
1656
01:21:46,456 --> 01:21:49,524
- Ooh, I'm terribly sorry to
have to tell you about this,
1657
01:21:49,566 --> 01:21:52,353
but everyone in America's dead now, eh?
1658
01:21:53,675 --> 01:21:56,175
(eerie music)
1659
01:21:59,996 --> 01:22:01,009
- Fuck it all.
1660
01:22:07,034 --> 01:22:10,704
(electronic bleeping)
1661
01:22:10,746 --> 01:22:12,699
One last dance.
1662
01:22:14,126 --> 01:22:15,974
But first,
1663
01:22:16,016 --> 01:22:19,435
I'm gonna send this
little faggot to the grave.
1664
01:22:19,477 --> 01:22:20,480
(intense music)
1665
01:22:20,522 --> 01:22:21,796
- No!
1666
01:22:21,838 --> 01:22:23,781
(gun shots booming)
1667
01:22:23,823 --> 01:22:26,104
(whooshing)
1668
01:22:26,146 --> 01:22:27,384
- Gun-fu!
1669
01:22:27,426 --> 01:22:29,779
(kung-fu shouting)
1670
01:22:29,821 --> 01:22:32,771
(sharply exhaling)
1671
01:22:32,813 --> 01:22:34,174
What are you doing?
1672
01:22:34,216 --> 01:22:36,564
- Making America great again.
1673
01:22:36,606 --> 01:22:37,814
- Wait!
1674
01:22:37,856 --> 01:22:39,744
I'll give ya anything you need.
1675
01:22:39,786 --> 01:22:40,979
Come to my side.
1676
01:22:41,826 --> 01:22:43,969
- I'm gonna freeze your nomination.
1677
01:22:45,176 --> 01:22:47,843
(ominous music)
1678
01:22:51,700 --> 01:22:53,974
(door clanking)
1679
01:22:54,016 --> 01:22:56,669
- Fuck your mother, Dynastud!
1680
01:22:58,986 --> 01:22:59,836
- That's mothers!
1681
01:23:01,116 --> 01:23:02,425
Motherfucker!
1682
01:23:02,467 --> 01:23:05,634
(electronic bleeping)
1683
01:23:09,586 --> 01:23:13,549
Hey, I'm very sorry about your dad.
1684
01:23:14,736 --> 01:23:15,914
- No, don't sweat it.
1685
01:23:15,956 --> 01:23:17,779
He was a total douche canoe.
1686
01:23:18,766 --> 01:23:20,709
Anyway, I'm gonna head out.
1687
01:23:22,206 --> 01:23:24,994
- So, remember the prophecy?
1688
01:23:25,036 --> 01:23:26,915
Are we gonna fuck now or what?
1689
01:23:26,957 --> 01:23:30,089
- Ooh, on second
thought, I am going to stay.
1690
01:23:30,986 --> 01:23:32,294
- I can't.
1691
01:23:32,336 --> 01:23:33,579
My Gaydar, gone!
1692
01:23:34,516 --> 01:23:39,109
Instead in my head, a
blueprint of raping and pillaging.
1693
01:23:43,076 --> 01:23:46,284
Come on, wake up, let's do this!
1694
01:23:46,326 --> 01:23:47,239
I'm on top!
1695
01:23:49,125 --> 01:23:50,694
(moaning)
1696
01:23:50,736 --> 01:23:52,874
- Oh, you're so rough!
1697
01:23:52,916 --> 01:23:54,594
And why the fuck do you suddenly smell
1698
01:23:54,636 --> 01:23:56,149
like a bottle of Old Spice?
1699
01:23:57,216 --> 01:23:58,049
- I don't know.
1700
01:24:00,616 --> 01:24:04,807
Come on, let's do this!
1701
01:24:04,849 --> 01:24:07,014
This never happens!
1702
01:24:07,056 --> 01:24:07,884
- What do we do?!
1703
01:24:07,926 --> 01:24:09,583
How do we make you gay again?!
1704
01:24:10,421 --> 01:24:12,314
(funky music)
1705
01:24:12,356 --> 01:24:13,499
- I can't do this.
1706
01:24:17,246 --> 01:24:19,014
It has to be you, Bart.
1707
01:24:19,056 --> 01:24:21,804
The prophecies must've meant him all along!
1708
01:24:21,846 --> 01:24:23,414
- What do you mean?
1709
01:24:23,456 --> 01:24:25,039
- You've gotta Bruce Li, Bart.
1710
01:24:28,156 --> 01:24:31,354
Bart, I never understood
your pacifist nature.
1711
01:24:31,396 --> 01:24:33,454
But now it all makes sense.
1712
01:24:33,496 --> 01:24:35,849
You see, Bart, you're a lover,
1713
01:24:37,046 --> 01:24:37,879
not a fighter.
1714
01:24:40,456 --> 01:24:43,279
- The world ain't
gonna unfuck itself, Bart.
1715
01:24:44,404 --> 01:24:47,404
(light funky music)
1716
01:24:51,426 --> 01:24:52,764
- Stand back, world!
1717
01:24:52,806 --> 01:24:54,456
Bart's about to enter the dragon!
1718
01:24:56,076 --> 01:24:59,519
- Okay, before we do this, can
I know something about you?
1719
01:25:00,956 --> 01:25:02,594
- Well, I'm really into feet.
1720
01:25:02,636 --> 01:25:05,099
- Yup, okay, we can stop there.
1721
01:25:09,024 --> 01:25:12,191
(electronic bleeping)
1722
01:25:13,546 --> 01:25:15,713
(moaning)
1723
01:25:16,680 --> 01:25:18,884
(spitting)
1724
01:25:18,926 --> 01:25:22,176
(groaning and moaning)
1725
01:25:26,506 --> 01:25:27,974
- It's working!
1726
01:25:28,016 --> 01:25:29,009
It's working!
1727
01:25:30,186 --> 01:25:31,874
- What the hell is that?
1728
01:25:31,916 --> 01:25:34,924
- That's a rip forming in
the space time continuum!
1729
01:25:34,966 --> 01:25:36,924
- Are you serious?!
1730
01:25:36,966 --> 01:25:39,438
(whooshing)
1731
01:25:39,480 --> 01:25:40,794
- Uh, Bart, Bruce,
1732
01:25:40,836 --> 01:25:42,027
you're gonna have to
work a little harder at this,
1733
01:25:42,069 --> 01:25:44,434
or else the vortex will collapse on itself.
1734
01:25:44,476 --> 01:25:46,864
- I'm doing the best I can here!
1735
01:25:46,906 --> 01:25:48,434
- Yeah, he's good,
1736
01:25:48,476 --> 01:25:50,194
but he's not Dyna-good.
1737
01:25:50,236 --> 01:25:51,954
- Thanks a lot!
1738
01:25:51,996 --> 01:25:54,094
- Dynastud, you'll have to join us!
1739
01:25:54,136 --> 01:25:55,574
It's the only way!
1740
01:25:55,616 --> 01:25:58,324
- I can't, I'm no longer gay!
1741
01:25:58,366 --> 01:26:00,834
Besides, all I wanna do is
listen to country western music
1742
01:26:00,876 --> 01:26:02,774
and hunt small animals.
1743
01:26:02,816 --> 01:26:05,179
- All will be lost if you don't join us!
1744
01:26:06,347 --> 01:26:08,254
(whooshing)
1745
01:26:08,296 --> 01:26:10,496
- Well, are you gonna
save the world or not?
1746
01:26:11,906 --> 01:26:15,766
- I want to, but I'm straight now.
1747
01:26:15,808 --> 01:26:17,344
- Dynastud!
1748
01:26:17,386 --> 01:26:19,034
You lovely fool!
1749
01:26:19,076 --> 01:26:24,076
Don't you know, it's not
gay if a girl is watching!
1750
01:26:24,136 --> 01:26:25,424
- Holy shit!
1751
01:26:25,466 --> 01:26:27,474
Yeah, you're right, why
didn't I think of that?!
1752
01:26:27,516 --> 01:26:29,494
- Oh, and if you don't hold their head
1753
01:26:29,536 --> 01:26:30,494
when they're blowing you.
1754
01:26:30,536 --> 01:26:31,334
- Okay, yeah, I get it.
1755
01:26:31,376 --> 01:26:32,894
- And if the balls don't touch.
1756
01:26:32,936 --> 01:26:34,736
- Alright, yeah, moving right along.
1757
01:26:35,653 --> 01:26:36,444
(exhaling)
1758
01:26:36,486 --> 01:26:39,486
(upbeat rock music)
1759
01:26:49,524 --> 01:26:52,191
(belt whipping)
1760
01:26:57,449 --> 01:26:59,699
(slapping)
1761
01:27:10,264 --> 01:27:12,431
(moaning)
1762
01:27:14,326 --> 01:27:16,863
- [Together] It is accomplished!
1763
01:27:18,443 --> 01:27:20,693
(shouting)
1764
01:27:25,506 --> 01:27:28,129
- A portal through time.
1765
01:27:30,786 --> 01:27:32,486
Do you know what this means, Bart?
1766
01:27:33,406 --> 01:27:35,274
- Actually, no.
1767
01:27:35,316 --> 01:27:37,004
I don't know what this means.
1768
01:27:37,046 --> 01:27:38,264
Where are we going to go?
1769
01:27:38,306 --> 01:27:41,404
And when we get there,
what are we going to do?
1770
01:27:41,446 --> 01:27:44,774
- For so long, our future was uncertain.
1771
01:27:44,816 --> 01:27:46,684
But no longer.
1772
01:27:46,726 --> 01:27:49,154
With this portal, we have the ability
1773
01:27:49,196 --> 01:27:51,534
to go to those moments in history
1774
01:27:51,576 --> 01:27:54,594
where our enemies sow the seeds of hate.
1775
01:27:54,636 --> 01:27:58,204
And in their place, offer love.
1776
01:27:58,246 --> 01:28:01,604
We will fight our
enemies across time itself
1777
01:28:01,646 --> 01:28:04,254
to prove our love is valid.
1778
01:28:04,296 --> 01:28:07,154
We will rewrite history,
so that it celebrates all
1779
01:28:07,196 --> 01:28:09,489
and not just a privileged few.
1780
01:28:11,006 --> 01:28:12,356
We will travel through time
1781
01:28:13,196 --> 01:28:15,214
to ensure that humanity's legacy
1782
01:28:15,256 --> 01:28:18,701
isn't a dark cloud, but a rainbow.
1783
01:28:18,743 --> 01:28:20,354
(triumphant music)
1784
01:28:20,396 --> 01:28:22,004
We're going to the past to ensure
1785
01:28:22,046 --> 01:28:23,589
that ignorance stays there.
1786
01:28:24,646 --> 01:28:28,244
This is our purpose.
1787
01:28:28,286 --> 01:28:29,286
This is our mission.
1788
01:28:30,136 --> 01:28:33,787
This is just the beginning.
1789
01:28:33,829 --> 01:28:36,329
(light music)
1790
01:28:40,046 --> 01:28:43,954
- But first, we can have a
six-way with ourselves, right?
1791
01:28:43,996 --> 01:28:45,184
- Damn right.
1792
01:28:45,226 --> 01:28:46,649
Then we can go save history.
1793
01:28:47,626 --> 01:28:49,244
- Well, then.
1794
01:28:49,286 --> 01:28:50,744
Let's do this.
1795
01:28:50,786 --> 01:28:51,969
- I call dibs on me!
1796
01:28:53,685 --> 01:28:56,602
(triumphant music)
1797
01:29:32,989 --> 01:29:36,406
(eerie orchestral music)
1798
01:29:44,192 --> 01:29:49,192
♪ I am the faulty wiring ♪
1799
01:29:49,934 --> 01:29:54,307
♪ The ball that's thrown ♪
1800
01:29:54,349 --> 01:29:59,349
♪ When there are no lights shining ♪
1801
01:29:59,403 --> 01:30:04,403
♪ In a place unknown ♪
1802
01:30:04,574 --> 01:30:09,574
♪ I am the wrong direction ♪
1803
01:30:10,208 --> 01:30:14,776
♪ And the purpose lost ♪
1804
01:30:14,818 --> 01:30:19,818
♪ I am decreasing balance ♪
1805
01:30:19,877 --> 01:30:24,765
♪ With a rising cost ♪
1806
01:30:24,807 --> 01:30:29,807
♪ I am the storm predicted ♪
1807
01:30:30,004 --> 01:30:35,004
♪ When there's no way through ♪
1808
01:30:35,144 --> 01:30:37,572
♪ No escape ♪
1809
01:30:37,614 --> 01:30:40,084
♪ No abandon ♪
1810
01:30:40,126 --> 01:30:45,126
♪ So I run to you ♪
1811
01:30:45,196 --> 01:30:49,348
♪ I am catastrophe ♪
1812
01:30:49,390 --> 01:30:54,390
♪ You'd do well to stay clear of me ♪
1813
01:30:54,935 --> 01:30:57,674
♪ For I am disaster ♪
1814
01:30:57,716 --> 01:31:00,063
♪ Coming on faster ♪
1815
01:31:00,105 --> 01:31:05,090
♪ Than you ever hoped to see ♪
1816
01:31:05,132 --> 01:31:09,783
♪ And I am unlucky charm ♪
1817
01:31:09,825 --> 01:31:14,825
♪ Though I won't mean to do you harm ♪
1818
01:31:15,369 --> 01:31:18,891
♪ If you see me look your way ♪
1819
01:31:18,933 --> 01:31:21,441
♪ You'd be wise to say ♪
1820
01:31:21,483 --> 01:31:24,251
♪ Leave me be ♪
1821
01:31:24,293 --> 01:31:29,293
♪ For I am catastrophe ♪
1822
01:31:36,585 --> 01:31:41,585
♪ I am the over stating ♪
1823
01:31:42,155 --> 01:31:46,628
♪ And the countless lost ♪
1824
01:31:46,670 --> 01:31:51,670
♪ I am the wasted raging ♪
1825
01:31:51,712 --> 01:31:56,712
♪ And the human cost ♪
1826
01:31:56,807 --> 01:32:01,807
♪ I am the face that haunts you ♪
1827
01:32:02,062 --> 01:32:07,062
♪ And the need that burns ♪
1828
01:32:07,243 --> 01:32:12,141
♪ I am the cycles wasted ♪
1829
01:32:12,183 --> 01:32:17,183
♪ As a sad world turns ♪
1830
01:32:17,346 --> 01:32:22,346
♪ I am the cyclone turning ♪
1831
01:32:22,786 --> 01:32:27,532
♪ I will block your path ♪
1832
01:32:27,574 --> 01:32:29,298
♪ I am ♪
1833
01:32:29,340 --> 01:32:32,507
(light melodic music)
1834
01:32:35,645 --> 01:32:36,657
- Shit.
1835
01:32:36,699 --> 01:32:38,944
Don't give me that!
1836
01:32:38,986 --> 01:32:42,314
I'm disappointed in you, all of you!
1837
01:32:42,356 --> 01:32:45,574
Even the ones who didn't
vote for the last asshole,
1838
01:32:45,616 --> 01:32:46,974
and especially those of you
1839
01:32:47,016 --> 01:32:49,204
who decided you had moral objections
1840
01:32:49,246 --> 01:32:52,914
to pulling the lever for
the last asshole's opponent.
1841
01:32:52,956 --> 01:32:54,714
Your high and mighty convictions
1842
01:32:54,756 --> 01:32:57,334
helped put that asshole in the White House.
1843
01:32:57,376 --> 01:32:59,004
And look what that got you!
1844
01:32:59,046 --> 01:33:01,824
Gave the slimy underbelly of this nation
1845
01:33:01,866 --> 01:33:04,174
a wonderful opportunity to crawl out
1846
01:33:04,216 --> 01:33:06,579
of their holes and be openly awful.
1847
01:33:07,766 --> 01:33:09,174
You know better.
1848
01:33:09,216 --> 01:33:10,889
I know you know better.
1849
01:33:11,976 --> 01:33:15,274
And as for those of you
who did vote for the asshole,
1850
01:33:15,316 --> 01:33:17,964
you need to get that
shit out of your system
1851
01:33:18,006 --> 01:33:19,724
right the hell now!
1852
01:33:19,766 --> 01:33:21,604
There's no room for your hate
1853
01:33:21,646 --> 01:33:23,944
and intolerance and fear.
1854
01:33:23,986 --> 01:33:25,384
Not in America!
1855
01:33:25,426 --> 01:33:27,914
Not on the goddamn planet!
1856
01:33:27,956 --> 01:33:29,724
Don't be awful!
1857
01:33:29,766 --> 01:33:32,394
You got a couple of fellas
livin' next door to you,
1858
01:33:32,436 --> 01:33:35,154
you don't like what they
get up to in their bedroom?
1859
01:33:35,196 --> 01:33:37,944
Get on with your own damn life.
1860
01:33:37,986 --> 01:33:39,374
If it makes you uncomfortable,
1861
01:33:39,416 --> 01:33:41,844
it's because you're
payin' too much attention.
1862
01:33:41,886 --> 01:33:44,944
Stop peepin' in other people's windows!
1863
01:33:44,986 --> 01:33:47,304
Literally and figuratively.
1864
01:33:47,346 --> 01:33:51,234
Those two fellas, what damn
bit of difference does it make
1865
01:33:51,276 --> 01:33:53,234
to your day-to-day life
1866
01:33:53,276 --> 01:33:55,364
if they're living together next door to you
1867
01:33:55,406 --> 01:33:58,154
or if they're married and
living next door to you.
1868
01:33:58,196 --> 01:34:00,324
We're all just trying to live our lives.
1869
01:34:00,366 --> 01:34:02,584
All of us, gay, straight,
1870
01:34:02,626 --> 01:34:05,494
black, white, whatever the hell.
1871
01:34:05,536 --> 01:34:08,024
We're all just trying
to find a little bit of love,
1872
01:34:08,066 --> 01:34:09,669
a little bit of happiness.
1873
01:34:10,696 --> 01:34:12,809
Don't be awful.
1874
01:34:13,856 --> 01:34:15,654
I swear, it's like none of ya
1875
01:34:15,696 --> 01:34:17,074
have the damn sense ya mommas
1876
01:34:17,116 --> 01:34:19,374
worked so hard to beat into ya!
1877
01:34:19,416 --> 01:34:22,194
We've all gotta live under this one roof.
1878
01:34:22,236 --> 01:34:25,534
And that means we sure as
hell better learn to get along.
1879
01:34:25,576 --> 01:34:27,274
You want the space force to shoot
1880
01:34:27,316 --> 01:34:29,329
the people you don't like into the sun?
1881
01:34:30,227 --> 01:34:32,054
And what happens when the tide turns,
1882
01:34:32,096 --> 01:34:35,169
and suddenly, you're the
people that people don't like?
1883
01:34:36,276 --> 01:34:39,074
Don't be awful.
1884
01:34:39,116 --> 01:34:41,304
That's all it takes.
1885
01:34:41,346 --> 01:34:43,724
And that's all I'm gonna say to you.
1886
01:34:43,766 --> 01:34:46,315
You'd best not make me say it again.
1887
01:34:46,357 --> 01:34:48,491
(light music)
125889
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