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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:33,527 --> 00:00:34,695 - Clear! - Clear! 2 00:00:56,633 --> 00:00:58,217 Who's ready for Earth World?! 3 00:00:58,218 --> 00:01:00,511 Moms, I can't find my cross-body bag! 4 00:01:00,512 --> 00:01:01,929 Where's my cross-body bag? 5 00:01:01,930 --> 00:01:03,264 Stop saying "cross-body bag." 6 00:01:03,265 --> 00:01:04,640 On you, it's a fanny pack up higher. 7 00:01:04,641 --> 00:01:05,808 Space Beth, you're driving. 8 00:01:05,809 --> 00:01:07,060 I'm low on wanting to drive. 9 00:01:07,061 --> 00:01:08,811 Would one of you mind making me a quick sandwich? 10 00:01:08,812 --> 00:01:11,314 You know theme park food gives me interesting stools. 11 00:01:11,315 --> 00:01:12,648 Read the room. 12 00:01:12,649 --> 00:01:14,108 We're not going. Look at us. 13 00:01:14,109 --> 00:01:15,318 No, you got to come. 14 00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:17,028 It's an absolute train wreck. 15 00:01:17,029 --> 00:01:19,614 This dude, he's never been to Earth, but he loves it, 16 00:01:19,615 --> 00:01:21,074 and he sucks at making theme parks. 17 00:01:21,075 --> 00:01:23,702 - We said fucking no! - We said fucking no! 18 00:01:23,827 --> 00:01:25,286 Alright. Fine. 19 00:01:25,287 --> 00:01:28,123 But nobody wants to see a Beths adventure. 20 00:01:29,458 --> 00:01:32,293 I thought cloning was supposed to make us happy. 21 00:01:32,294 --> 00:01:33,711 I hate my life. 22 00:01:33,712 --> 00:01:36,089 And I know you have to hate yours. 23 00:01:36,090 --> 00:01:37,715 - Hey! - Sorry. 24 00:01:37,716 --> 00:01:39,593 I started drinking in the car. 25 00:02:14,336 --> 00:02:16,587 Why are we miserable? It's not Jerry. 26 00:02:16,588 --> 00:02:18,131 Yeah, it could be worse. 27 00:02:18,132 --> 00:02:20,174 I mean, we could have married Pep Rosenfeld. 28 00:02:20,175 --> 00:02:22,510 Oh, my God. I forgot about him. 29 00:02:22,511 --> 00:02:24,011 Oh, he died in that thing, right? 30 00:02:24,012 --> 00:02:25,389 9-11, yeah. 31 00:02:26,306 --> 00:02:28,432 We can't just put it all on Dad, right? 32 00:02:28,433 --> 00:02:29,517 We're done with that guy. 33 00:02:29,518 --> 00:02:31,644 "I had a bad dad." 34 00:02:31,645 --> 00:02:33,437 Shut up. Write a book about it. 35 00:02:33,438 --> 00:02:35,773 I'm just so tired of all the shit we have to do to live. 36 00:02:35,774 --> 00:02:37,525 You abandoned all your shit. 37 00:02:37,526 --> 00:02:40,278 There is so much more shit in space! 38 00:02:40,279 --> 00:02:42,446 When was the last time we were happy? 39 00:02:42,447 --> 00:02:44,031 Truly happy? 40 00:02:44,032 --> 00:02:45,825 Felt pretty good when we were kids. 41 00:02:45,826 --> 00:02:48,202 Oh, my God, I wish I could be young again. 42 00:02:48,203 --> 00:02:50,455 That kind of wish never goes the way you want. 43 00:02:50,956 --> 00:02:52,958 That being said... 44 00:02:54,751 --> 00:02:57,044 Why do you have a de-aging machine? 45 00:02:57,045 --> 00:02:59,463 When I'm bringing in bounties, I change 'em into kids. 46 00:02:59,464 --> 00:03:01,716 This car fits ten kids if you pack 'em right. 47 00:03:01,717 --> 00:03:02,842 Sounds efficient. 48 00:03:02,843 --> 00:03:05,845 Is that... worth dealing with ten kids? 49 00:03:05,846 --> 00:03:07,305 Oh, no, I drug them too. 50 00:03:07,306 --> 00:03:09,265 Wait, will my clothes be super huge or-- 51 00:03:09,266 --> 00:03:10,349 Oh, no. No, no, no. 52 00:03:10,350 --> 00:03:13,687 Technology this advanced is indistinguishable from magic. 53 00:03:21,486 --> 00:03:23,613 - Whoa! - Whoa! 54 00:03:23,614 --> 00:03:26,699 My face... My skin! 55 00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:29,202 I can see everything! 56 00:03:29,203 --> 00:03:31,579 My mouth tastes so clean! 57 00:03:31,580 --> 00:03:33,206 Whoa, my knuckles work! 58 00:03:33,207 --> 00:03:34,291 No pain! 59 00:03:35,167 --> 00:03:36,584 You look like shit. 60 00:03:36,585 --> 00:03:38,252 Wait, no! Come back here! 61 00:03:38,253 --> 00:03:40,796 Get ready. Earth World is a mess. 62 00:03:40,797 --> 00:03:42,215 No creative consistency. 63 00:03:42,216 --> 00:03:43,799 Last time I was here, they had a whole ride 64 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,092 dedicated to Pol Pot. 65 00:03:45,093 --> 00:03:47,095 There's a non-zero chance you'll lose an eye. 66 00:03:47,596 --> 00:03:50,348 Oh, that wasn't the vibe I got from the waivers. 67 00:03:50,349 --> 00:03:52,183 - Waivers? - Yeah, from the website. 68 00:03:52,184 --> 00:03:53,310 Website?! 69 00:03:54,269 --> 00:03:57,688 Welcome to Earth World! It's me, Dr. Dogballs! 70 00:03:57,689 --> 00:03:58,773 What the hell?! 71 00:03:58,774 --> 00:04:00,858 I love Earth so much I made a theme park, 72 00:04:00,859 --> 00:04:02,193 just like they would on Earth! 73 00:04:02,194 --> 00:04:04,111 Oh. Yeah. 74 00:04:04,112 --> 00:04:06,239 Wow, I guess this does seem like it sucks. 75 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,658 Good one, Grandpa. You still like stuff ironically? 76 00:04:08,659 --> 00:04:12,036 No, it used to be bad bad, which was good. 77 00:04:12,037 --> 00:04:14,789 There used to be a ride called "It's a Small Black Death"! 78 00:04:14,790 --> 00:04:17,208 Looks like they've just got a regular GAP. 79 00:04:17,209 --> 00:04:18,918 Rick, were you just drunk when you were here? 80 00:04:18,919 --> 00:04:20,169 I'm drunk now! 81 00:04:20,170 --> 00:04:21,754 Where's all the rusty nails? 82 00:04:21,755 --> 00:04:23,381 Where's the Herpes Family Flume? 83 00:04:23,382 --> 00:04:25,925 - Light-up corn dog? - Get the fuck away from me! 84 00:04:25,926 --> 00:04:29,428 Can't wait to get a photo taken with... Marie Curie? 85 00:04:29,429 --> 00:04:31,013 I think that's John Legend? 86 00:04:31,014 --> 00:04:32,431 Maybe they picked John Legend 87 00:04:32,432 --> 00:04:34,517 'cause his name implies he's really important. 88 00:04:34,518 --> 00:04:37,061 Rick, how were you thinking we should enjoy this? 89 00:04:37,062 --> 00:04:39,605 Wow, they have a Hall of Presidential Pets? 90 00:04:39,606 --> 00:04:42,275 - Like that? - Do you think I can meet Socks? 91 00:04:42,276 --> 00:04:44,777 I'm not gonna shit on it too hard 'cause I know you'd punish me, 92 00:04:44,778 --> 00:04:47,655 but isn't this just a mid-'90s outdoor mall? 93 00:04:47,656 --> 00:04:48,739 - Oh! - My bad! 94 00:04:48,740 --> 00:04:49,865 Oh, my God! 95 00:04:49,866 --> 00:04:52,076 You're a real Earth person, aren't you? 96 00:04:52,077 --> 00:04:53,869 - From Earth?! - Yeah. 97 00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:55,746 I'm, like, starstruck. 98 00:04:55,747 --> 00:04:57,415 A real human! 99 00:04:57,416 --> 00:05:00,126 Ooh, you smell nasty. 100 00:05:00,127 --> 00:05:03,504 - Oh. I mean, is that good? - Absolutely. 101 00:05:03,505 --> 00:05:05,339 Well, it's nice to see something in this park 102 00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:07,133 still grimy and real. 103 00:05:07,134 --> 00:05:09,468 Then I'm as nasty as they come. 104 00:05:09,469 --> 00:05:11,887 Can you believe my grandpa loves this place? 105 00:05:11,888 --> 00:05:13,014 Lame. 106 00:05:13,015 --> 00:05:15,558 Beth! Where'd you go? Beth? 107 00:05:15,559 --> 00:05:17,143 Beth, I want you to have fun, 108 00:05:17,144 --> 00:05:19,145 but I need to know where you're having it. 109 00:05:19,146 --> 00:05:21,440 - I found a possum! - Oh, my God! 110 00:05:22,607 --> 00:05:24,526 No! I don't wanna be old! 111 00:05:25,152 --> 00:05:27,654 You're in so much pain, and you don't even know it! 112 00:05:29,906 --> 00:05:31,365 - Oh, my God. - I'm sorry. 113 00:05:31,366 --> 00:05:34,285 I forgot just how insane we were as a kid. 114 00:05:34,286 --> 00:05:37,039 - I shouldn't have pitched this. - You have got to try it. 115 00:05:37,164 --> 00:05:38,706 I'm over here! 116 00:05:38,707 --> 00:05:40,916 Okay, sweetie, this is your two-minute warning. 117 00:05:40,917 --> 00:05:42,460 It's almost time to switch back. 118 00:05:42,461 --> 00:05:44,379 You got to find me first! 119 00:05:45,088 --> 00:05:46,797 Too slow! Try again! 120 00:05:46,798 --> 00:05:49,217 Alright, let's go. That's enough. I'm serious. 121 00:05:50,427 --> 00:05:51,428 Alright, Beth. 122 00:05:54,973 --> 00:05:56,933 Surprise! You done been got! 123 00:05:58,518 --> 00:05:59,561 Do it. 124 00:06:15,327 --> 00:06:17,078 That bathroom was a ride too?! 125 00:06:17,079 --> 00:06:19,080 I had my pants down and everything! 126 00:06:19,081 --> 00:06:21,874 - I really do need to go. - Just go in a bush. 127 00:06:21,875 --> 00:06:24,210 I swear it used to be funnier than this. 128 00:06:24,211 --> 00:06:26,504 Don't turn around. I'm squatting. 129 00:06:26,505 --> 00:06:29,215 Hey, you can't go... there like that. 130 00:06:29,216 --> 00:06:31,342 You used to be able to piss wherever you wanted to. 131 00:06:31,343 --> 00:06:32,635 Like on Earth. 132 00:06:32,636 --> 00:06:34,720 Grandpa Rick, take the L. 133 00:06:34,721 --> 00:06:36,180 Let's get Morty and go home. 134 00:06:36,181 --> 00:06:37,556 Yeah, this place is fucked. 135 00:06:37,557 --> 00:06:39,600 Corporate takeover. Board-approved changes. 136 00:06:39,601 --> 00:06:42,228 Steve Jobs dies, and we get ten years of the same iPhone. 137 00:06:42,229 --> 00:06:44,480 Oh, no, the guy who made the park is still alive. 138 00:06:44,481 --> 00:06:45,898 - He is? - Yeah. 139 00:06:45,899 --> 00:06:47,858 Rumor is, he still lives here. 140 00:06:47,859 --> 00:06:49,528 Down in the tunnels. 141 00:06:53,073 --> 00:06:54,949 Hey, Sum-Sum, You like breaking rules. 142 00:06:54,950 --> 00:06:56,159 Ooh, did you bring molly? 143 00:06:57,911 --> 00:06:59,078 Hurry it up, Jerry! 144 00:06:59,079 --> 00:07:01,163 It's your fault I have to go like this. 145 00:07:01,164 --> 00:07:04,292 You destroyed my urethra when you turned me into a trash can. 146 00:07:05,335 --> 00:07:06,545 Follow me. 147 00:07:07,879 --> 00:07:09,464 And of course I brought molly. 148 00:07:10,173 --> 00:07:12,591 If you're just joining us tonight, we have a-- 149 00:07:12,592 --> 00:07:14,218 Oh, my God. It exploded. 150 00:07:14,219 --> 00:07:16,470 Oh, God. All those astronauts. 151 00:07:16,471 --> 00:07:18,681 It's worse than any explosion before it! 152 00:07:18,682 --> 00:07:20,099 This is hilarious. 153 00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:21,977 Hey, yo. Check this out. 154 00:07:22,769 --> 00:07:25,604 Awesome. No adult is getting inside. 155 00:07:25,605 --> 00:07:27,398 Also, don't sit on that chair. 156 00:07:27,399 --> 00:07:28,732 The cushion is knives. 157 00:07:28,733 --> 00:07:30,359 Somebody's got to sit on it! 158 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,111 Gene should sit on it. 159 00:07:32,112 --> 00:07:34,114 - Bam! - Nice! 160 00:07:38,577 --> 00:07:39,827 Hey there, girls. 161 00:07:39,828 --> 00:07:42,413 I'm guessing one of you is Beth from next door, 162 00:07:42,414 --> 00:07:44,498 and one of you is her... clone, 163 00:07:44,499 --> 00:07:46,417 but you're both little girls now? 164 00:07:46,418 --> 00:07:48,169 Not that strange, given what I've seen. 165 00:07:48,170 --> 00:07:49,920 What are you, a scientist? 166 00:07:49,921 --> 00:07:51,380 Come sit in our chair. 167 00:07:51,381 --> 00:07:54,550 Well, based on the design of your makeshift harpoon, 168 00:07:54,551 --> 00:07:56,927 seems like you girls are on a bit of a spree. 169 00:07:56,928 --> 00:07:59,472 Feel like I'm gonna be walking into some booby traps. 170 00:07:59,473 --> 00:08:00,806 Let's have some cocoa instead. 171 00:08:00,807 --> 00:08:04,727 - "Let's have some cocoa." - "I'm divorced." 172 00:08:04,728 --> 00:08:06,896 Hey! That is cruel and technically untrue. 173 00:08:06,897 --> 00:08:09,607 But you're in an altered headspace, so I know you don't mean it. 174 00:08:09,608 --> 00:08:12,235 Why don't you two sit tight? I'll get the Swiss Miss. 175 00:08:12,944 --> 00:08:14,904 - Let's go. - Go where? 176 00:08:14,905 --> 00:08:18,282 Go hunt him. Unless you're scared. 177 00:08:18,283 --> 00:08:19,742 I'm not scared of anything. 178 00:08:19,743 --> 00:08:21,036 Let's get in the walls. 179 00:08:23,205 --> 00:08:24,747 Wow, this is a good photo of us. 180 00:08:24,748 --> 00:08:27,625 Keep talking. I can smell your rotting breakfast. 181 00:08:27,626 --> 00:08:30,336 - Oh, God. - Your hairs are insane. 182 00:08:30,337 --> 00:08:32,129 They're all over your body. 183 00:08:32,130 --> 00:08:34,340 Can I touch them? Say a human phrase. 184 00:08:34,341 --> 00:08:37,551 Say "grocery list" in that stinkbody accent. 185 00:08:37,552 --> 00:08:38,677 You mean my voice? 186 00:08:38,678 --> 00:08:40,221 - Yes! - "Grocery list." 187 00:08:40,222 --> 00:08:41,722 I love your tooth-filled big hole 188 00:08:41,723 --> 00:08:43,682 and the other less-used holes on your face. 189 00:08:43,683 --> 00:08:45,309 Okay... 190 00:08:45,310 --> 00:08:48,270 I'm getting the feeling that you're not into me 191 00:08:48,271 --> 00:08:52,067 as much as you like the idea of being with any human. 192 00:08:53,235 --> 00:08:54,985 Does it matter if I'm still turned on? 193 00:08:54,986 --> 00:08:56,612 No, I guess it doesn't. 194 00:08:56,613 --> 00:08:59,406 I want to get your wet muscle in my mouth. 195 00:08:59,407 --> 00:09:00,866 You mean my tongue? 196 00:09:00,867 --> 00:09:02,535 I don't care what it's called. 197 00:09:02,536 --> 00:09:04,745 Rick, I know you're having a bad time, 198 00:09:04,746 --> 00:09:09,083 but I think I saw a Panera up there that might change your tune. 199 00:09:09,084 --> 00:09:10,751 - A Panera?! - Yeah! 200 00:09:10,752 --> 00:09:13,295 - Shut up. - Is that Kevin Costner? 201 00:09:13,296 --> 00:09:14,630 Wait, why do I know that? 202 00:09:14,631 --> 00:09:16,423 Did Father make new models? 203 00:09:16,424 --> 00:09:18,217 I don't recognize you three. 204 00:09:18,218 --> 00:09:20,386 No, I'm... Old Guy Fieri, 205 00:09:20,387 --> 00:09:21,845 this is Princess Diana, 206 00:09:21,846 --> 00:09:23,430 and he's Mr. Rogers. 207 00:09:23,431 --> 00:09:24,682 Or Brett Kavanaugh. 208 00:09:24,683 --> 00:09:26,725 I wouldn't know. I never left this park. 209 00:09:26,726 --> 00:09:29,479 Us too. We're looking for Dogballs. 210 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,360 He lives below. 211 00:09:40,073 --> 00:09:41,740 Dr. Dogballs. My man! 212 00:09:41,741 --> 00:09:44,244 Humans! Real humans! 213 00:09:44,369 --> 00:09:46,370 The mad genius who built Earth World! 214 00:09:46,371 --> 00:09:48,539 Nobody loves Earth as much as me. 215 00:09:48,540 --> 00:09:51,417 Car, Muscle Beach, property taxes. 216 00:09:51,418 --> 00:09:53,794 But before I could complete my perfect vision, 217 00:09:53,795 --> 00:09:56,630 I was caught with incriminating files on my computer, 218 00:09:56,631 --> 00:09:58,341 and the board chained me up. 219 00:09:59,009 --> 00:10:00,676 I watch animal pornography. 220 00:10:00,677 --> 00:10:01,802 It's my business. 221 00:10:01,803 --> 00:10:04,054 Like with people and animals? 222 00:10:04,055 --> 00:10:05,472 No, just the animals, sicko. 223 00:10:05,473 --> 00:10:07,391 The original Earth World was incredible. 224 00:10:07,392 --> 00:10:09,143 I got strep from a candy once! 225 00:10:09,144 --> 00:10:11,687 Of course you feel that way. You're a human being. 226 00:10:11,688 --> 00:10:14,857 You know what Earth theme parks are supposed to be like. 227 00:10:14,858 --> 00:10:16,900 I'd take you to the dead zone if I could 228 00:10:16,901 --> 00:10:19,486 and show you some of the old delights. 229 00:10:19,487 --> 00:10:21,405 But they won't let me leave my office. 230 00:10:21,406 --> 00:10:23,617 They won't, but I will. 231 00:10:24,826 --> 00:10:28,455 Welcome to the real Earth World! 232 00:10:28,580 --> 00:10:31,290 I guess this is closer to how I remember it. 233 00:10:31,291 --> 00:10:33,710 Oh! I stepped on a rusty nail! 234 00:10:36,796 --> 00:10:38,213 At least Jerry got hurt. 235 00:10:38,214 --> 00:10:40,883 Hot cocoa with extra marshmallows! 236 00:10:40,884 --> 00:10:42,968 Hope you got room for extra marshmallows! 237 00:10:42,969 --> 00:10:45,512 Look at him holding marshmallows over our heads. 238 00:10:45,513 --> 00:10:46,930 Like that's some kind of power. 239 00:10:46,931 --> 00:10:48,974 I do like marshmallows. 240 00:10:48,975 --> 00:10:50,768 He doesn't decide about our marshmallows! 241 00:10:50,769 --> 00:10:52,478 You should go up there and cut him. 242 00:10:52,479 --> 00:10:53,979 You should cut him. 243 00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:55,064 What should we cut? 244 00:10:55,065 --> 00:10:56,816 I don't know. Just start slashing! 245 00:10:59,361 --> 00:11:01,820 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 246 00:11:01,821 --> 00:11:04,448 My ankles! I need a doctor! 247 00:11:04,449 --> 00:11:06,575 Great. Now we have to take care of him. 248 00:11:06,576 --> 00:11:08,118 I don't want to take care of anybody! 249 00:11:08,119 --> 00:11:10,579 - You take care of him! - It was your idea! 250 00:11:10,580 --> 00:11:11,914 - Not it! Jinx! - Not it! Jinx! 251 00:11:11,915 --> 00:11:14,458 - I think you hit an artery! - She did it! She's a psycho. 252 00:11:14,459 --> 00:11:16,794 - You're the psycho! - I watched you eat a bird! 253 00:11:16,795 --> 00:11:19,630 After you tore off its wings! 254 00:11:19,631 --> 00:11:21,925 I'll show you who's psycho!! 255 00:11:25,303 --> 00:11:27,596 Yeah, run away, you baby! 256 00:11:27,597 --> 00:11:30,265 Remember your affirmations, Gene. 257 00:11:30,266 --> 00:11:32,935 You deserve to live. 258 00:11:32,936 --> 00:11:34,020 Oh. 259 00:11:36,439 --> 00:11:40,443 Well, somehow every decision I've ever made has led to this. 260 00:11:48,993 --> 00:11:50,661 Get out of my tree house! 261 00:11:50,662 --> 00:11:51,913 Get out of my yard! 262 00:11:58,753 --> 00:12:01,548 Fire detected. Extinguishing. 263 00:12:20,316 --> 00:12:22,276 Come on, Gene. Not like this. 264 00:12:22,277 --> 00:12:23,402 Not like this! 265 00:12:23,403 --> 00:12:25,696 Hey, Siri, call 911! 266 00:12:25,697 --> 00:12:27,865 Countdown to calling 911. 267 00:12:27,866 --> 00:12:30,993 Calling 911 in 10, 9, 8, 7-- 268 00:12:30,994 --> 00:12:32,620 Why does it need a countdown?! 269 00:12:34,289 --> 00:12:37,833 Earth's World War II was fought with combines and harvesters, 270 00:12:37,834 --> 00:12:40,377 and you're about to witness it firsthand. 271 00:12:40,378 --> 00:12:42,254 Oh, God, is that a live wire? 272 00:12:42,255 --> 00:12:44,591 None of the electricity is grounded here. 273 00:12:45,884 --> 00:12:46,926 Shit. 274 00:12:47,844 --> 00:12:49,845 I got to get home before Gene calls 911 275 00:12:49,846 --> 00:12:51,346 from any other phone but his own. 276 00:12:51,347 --> 00:12:53,474 The head thing so you can get out the way you came. 277 00:12:53,475 --> 00:12:55,934 Wait, you're leaving? I thought you loved this place. 278 00:12:55,935 --> 00:12:57,519 Yeah, I don't know. 279 00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:58,854 I guess Morty was right. 280 00:12:58,855 --> 00:13:00,522 Am I, like, supposed to think it's cool 281 00:13:00,523 --> 00:13:02,983 that there's measles in the water and, like, snakes? 282 00:13:02,984 --> 00:13:04,778 Nah. You guys have fun. 283 00:13:07,155 --> 00:13:09,532 Oh, shit! 284 00:13:14,662 --> 00:13:16,331 We're done here, boys. 285 00:13:19,334 --> 00:13:20,376 Rick, your girls. 286 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,253 They're not good people. 287 00:13:22,837 --> 00:13:24,839 Thank... you. 288 00:13:26,174 --> 00:13:28,467 I've only been gone for two hours! 289 00:13:28,468 --> 00:13:29,551 Hey, Beths! 290 00:13:29,552 --> 00:13:31,386 Deducing here that you've been huffing childhood 291 00:13:31,387 --> 00:13:32,972 and have overdosed on fun. 292 00:13:35,141 --> 00:13:36,226 Ouch. 293 00:13:43,107 --> 00:13:46,026 - I'm gonna kill you! - Well, I'm gonna kill you first! 294 00:13:46,027 --> 00:13:47,153 Ow! Damn it! 295 00:13:47,862 --> 00:13:49,364 That's it. We're done. 296 00:13:57,372 --> 00:13:58,790 You dick! 297 00:14:00,208 --> 00:14:01,792 Enough Home Alone-ing. 298 00:14:01,793 --> 00:14:03,168 Goddamn it! 299 00:14:03,169 --> 00:14:06,547 I cloned you to fix this, not make you twice as annoying. 300 00:14:06,548 --> 00:14:09,132 Oh, I can't tell you. Oh, my God! 301 00:14:09,133 --> 00:14:13,053 I've waited so long for someone to see my vision. 302 00:14:13,054 --> 00:14:15,556 And of course it was real humans! 303 00:14:15,557 --> 00:14:18,100 You're the perfect audience for this. 304 00:14:18,101 --> 00:14:19,978 My finest moment. 305 00:14:21,479 --> 00:14:24,022 Oh, shit. What's that? 306 00:14:24,023 --> 00:14:26,358 My beautiful creations. 307 00:14:26,359 --> 00:14:28,486 They're going to destroy the park. 308 00:14:30,154 --> 00:14:31,238 Oh, God. 309 00:14:31,239 --> 00:14:33,532 I thought they were people in costumes, 310 00:14:33,533 --> 00:14:35,409 but the costumes are the people? 311 00:14:35,410 --> 00:14:36,994 The people are the costumes?! 312 00:14:36,995 --> 00:14:39,746 All Earth theme parks end the same way. 313 00:14:39,747 --> 00:14:42,040 Jurassic Park, Westworld, 314 00:14:42,041 --> 00:14:44,710 even the rides inside the theme parks 315 00:14:44,711 --> 00:14:46,003 tell the same story. 316 00:14:46,004 --> 00:14:47,546 You're on a boat ride 317 00:14:47,547 --> 00:14:50,048 when suddenly you take a detour to a waterfall, 318 00:14:50,049 --> 00:14:52,217 and now you're in a pirate's den, 319 00:14:52,218 --> 00:14:55,095 forced to suck dick to stay alive! 320 00:14:55,096 --> 00:14:56,179 Why would you do this? 321 00:14:56,180 --> 00:14:57,890 The greatest tribute to Earth 322 00:14:57,891 --> 00:15:01,853 is a theme park that ends in chaos. 323 00:15:06,816 --> 00:15:08,818 Be free! Be free, my lovelies! 324 00:15:10,111 --> 00:15:11,862 Hungry for meat. 325 00:15:11,863 --> 00:15:13,114 Eat meat! 326 00:15:13,656 --> 00:15:14,741 Take it all! 327 00:15:15,992 --> 00:15:17,784 - Take the other one! - Shit! Dad! 328 00:15:17,785 --> 00:15:19,661 Take it! Take it all! 329 00:15:19,662 --> 00:15:21,789 Blend in. Stumble around! 330 00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:31,673 Yeah, you like that? Labradoodle. 331 00:15:31,674 --> 00:15:33,050 - Uh-huh. - Coconut milk. 332 00:15:33,051 --> 00:15:34,301 More human stuff. 333 00:15:34,302 --> 00:15:35,595 Big League Chew. 334 00:15:37,263 --> 00:15:39,389 Ooh! Say something racist. 335 00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:41,850 - What? - C'mon, you're human, 336 00:15:41,851 --> 00:15:43,269 it's your whole thing. 337 00:15:44,854 --> 00:15:48,482 Italians make pretty good pizza? 338 00:15:48,483 --> 00:15:52,403 No, do it hateful, you disgusting little bug. 339 00:15:52,904 --> 00:15:54,029 Did you hear that? 340 00:15:54,030 --> 00:15:56,323 Now you're pretending there's some kind of emergency? 341 00:15:56,324 --> 00:15:58,492 I tried to be vulnerable with you. 342 00:15:58,493 --> 00:16:00,285 If you don't think I'm pretty, just say so. 343 00:16:00,286 --> 00:16:02,956 I'm sorry, but I'm not just some sexual fantasy, 344 00:16:03,081 --> 00:16:04,289 I'm a whole person. 345 00:16:04,290 --> 00:16:07,918 Come on! You guys basically invented racism. 346 00:16:07,919 --> 00:16:09,711 If I wanted to fuck something good, 347 00:16:09,712 --> 00:16:12,131 I wouldn't have come to Earth World. 348 00:16:13,132 --> 00:16:16,093 I don't even know who this is! 349 00:16:16,094 --> 00:16:18,179 It's John Legend, I think! Oh, my God! 350 00:16:23,434 --> 00:16:25,979 Summer? Rick? Anyone?! 351 00:16:27,730 --> 00:16:29,648 That's the entire Culkin family! 352 00:16:29,649 --> 00:16:32,026 I guess there's seven of them? 353 00:16:34,654 --> 00:16:37,115 I loved you in Succession! I'm sorry! 354 00:16:37,865 --> 00:16:40,325 Enough kindergarten. I don't have time to be your dad. 355 00:16:40,326 --> 00:16:42,327 - You never did! - You want me to be a parent? 356 00:16:42,328 --> 00:16:45,039 Fine. No more talking until you're adults. 357 00:16:59,595 --> 00:17:01,346 Okay, whichever one you are, you're up. 358 00:17:01,347 --> 00:17:03,390 She can't breathe! She can't breathe! 359 00:17:03,391 --> 00:17:05,267 Oh, shit, fuck! 360 00:17:05,268 --> 00:17:06,394 Take that! 361 00:17:07,103 --> 00:17:08,937 How old should we make him? 362 00:17:08,938 --> 00:17:10,690 As old as it'll go. 363 00:17:17,321 --> 00:17:19,573 Bet it's scary to have your life in the hands 364 00:17:19,574 --> 00:17:21,617 of unreliable caregivers! 365 00:17:24,829 --> 00:17:26,830 Walk! We're not taking care of you! 366 00:17:26,831 --> 00:17:29,124 Yeah, get up, or we'll leave you here! 367 00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:32,085 Just like you left us. Lazy piece of shit! 368 00:17:32,086 --> 00:17:34,379 - Fuck you, Dad! - Fucking asshole! 369 00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:36,799 You didn't want us. You just wanted to fuck off. 370 00:17:38,051 --> 00:17:40,218 I didn't leave. 371 00:17:40,219 --> 00:17:42,721 My Beth died. 372 00:17:42,722 --> 00:17:45,308 Yeah, well, someone left us! 373 00:17:46,809 --> 00:17:48,018 And there's two of us now! 374 00:17:48,019 --> 00:17:50,520 You should love us twice as much! 375 00:17:50,521 --> 00:17:53,274 - All we wanted was to be together! - All we wanted was to be together! 376 00:17:55,902 --> 00:17:57,694 Don't you... cry! 377 00:17:57,695 --> 00:18:00,030 You don't deserve to cry! 378 00:18:00,031 --> 00:18:01,574 Proud... 379 00:18:02,158 --> 00:18:03,159 Proud? 380 00:18:03,701 --> 00:18:05,994 Proud... of you... 381 00:18:05,995 --> 00:18:10,208 for making me old and beating the shit out of me. 382 00:18:15,171 --> 00:18:19,967 Proud you're... you're both my daughters. 383 00:18:31,270 --> 00:18:34,232 You little bitches broke my bones. 384 00:18:38,694 --> 00:18:40,071 I'm shitting! 385 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:42,781 I'm not joking. 386 00:18:42,782 --> 00:18:44,200 Stop making me laugh. 387 00:18:44,742 --> 00:18:46,410 It's making me shit more! 388 00:18:50,206 --> 00:18:51,749 - It's perfect! - It's perfect! 389 00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:53,959 The only thing that could make this better 390 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,627 is if something was on fire. 391 00:18:55,628 --> 00:18:57,379 I might stab something again. 392 00:18:57,380 --> 00:18:59,172 Probably should turn you back. 393 00:18:59,173 --> 00:19:01,300 Do most kids like to stab this much? 394 00:19:02,552 --> 00:19:04,178 There's the exit. Stay close. 395 00:19:06,430 --> 00:19:07,514 Please help! 396 00:19:07,515 --> 00:19:09,058 Oh, thank God! 397 00:19:09,851 --> 00:19:10,852 How could you-- 398 00:19:12,478 --> 00:19:13,979 Oh, shit, Morty's killing... 399 00:19:13,980 --> 00:19:15,605 I think that's Rory Culkin? 400 00:19:15,606 --> 00:19:17,232 Is that who this one is!? 401 00:19:17,233 --> 00:19:18,942 We gotta bail. Get a head. 402 00:19:18,943 --> 00:19:20,987 - What? - Put on Rory! 403 00:19:21,737 --> 00:19:22,780 There's no room! 404 00:19:24,949 --> 00:19:26,366 It's so wet in here. 405 00:19:26,367 --> 00:19:28,076 It smells too. It smells wet. 406 00:19:28,077 --> 00:19:29,162 They're coming! 407 00:19:30,163 --> 00:19:31,581 Come on! 408 00:19:32,707 --> 00:19:34,207 - Come on, get in! - Where's the remote? 409 00:19:34,208 --> 00:19:36,209 I lost the remote! I can't shrink our heads! 410 00:19:36,210 --> 00:19:37,378 Give me the keys! 411 00:19:41,215 --> 00:19:43,301 More like Earth World. 412 00:19:43,885 --> 00:19:45,719 - What? - Like Jurassic World. 413 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,721 - The big sequel? - I don't know what you're saying. 414 00:19:47,722 --> 00:19:49,097 Wasn't it called Earth Park? 415 00:19:49,098 --> 00:19:50,182 - No! - No! 416 00:19:50,183 --> 00:19:51,266 Oh. 417 00:19:51,267 --> 00:19:52,768 Is anybody getting cold? 418 00:20:33,684 --> 00:20:36,519 I'm blind! Space froze my eyes! 419 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,273 Yeah, Jerry. I told you, that theme park sucks! 420 00:21:10,930 --> 00:21:12,889 Hello. You've reached 911. 421 00:21:12,890 --> 00:21:15,726 If this is an emergency, please leave a message. 422 00:21:16,644 --> 00:21:19,938 The house across the street from me keeps disappearing and reappearing. 423 00:21:19,939 --> 00:21:21,815 I don't know if that's an emergency, 424 00:21:21,816 --> 00:21:23,358 but it's really upsetting. 425 00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:25,278 Could you send someone to investigate? 426 00:21:25,903 --> 00:21:28,364 So, I was eating a burger and now my hands are burgers. 427 00:21:29,156 --> 00:21:32,450 Hi. I'm being home-invaded, and it's by a small home. 428 00:21:32,451 --> 00:21:34,869 There's a small home that's home-invading my home. 429 00:21:34,870 --> 00:21:37,247 It's wearing a ski mask, but it's definitely a house. 430 00:21:37,248 --> 00:21:38,832 There's a pigeon outside my house 431 00:21:38,833 --> 00:21:40,792 demanding to see my birth certificate. 432 00:21:40,793 --> 00:21:43,003 I'm beginning to think 911 shouldn't have 433 00:21:43,004 --> 00:21:44,337 an answering machine. 434 00:21:44,338 --> 00:21:46,339 Also, I have 11 legs now. 435 00:21:46,340 --> 00:21:48,301 Nobody ever comes. 436 00:21:49,885 --> 00:21:51,304 Did you get any of that? 31459

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