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1
00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:08,260
Meet the Gang Con, the boys are here,
the boys to entertain you.
2
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:13,900
With music and laughter to help you on
your way to raving the rafters with a
3
00:00:13,900 --> 00:00:14,900
hey, hey, hey.
4
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:20,460
With songs and catches and jokes on and
you. With us to bounce, you and Bill
5
00:00:20,460 --> 00:00:25,880
Blues. So meet the Gang Con, the boys
are here, the boys to entertain you.
6
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:31,780
B -O -B -O -Y -S, boys to entertain you.
7
00:00:38,150 --> 00:00:42,430
fellas, once more, let's take it from
the top, and one, two, three, four.
8
00:00:42,750 --> 00:00:43,750
Woo, woo!
9
00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:46,730
One, two, three, four. Woo, woo!
10
00:00:47,270 --> 00:00:50,430
Woo, woo, woo, woo, choo, choo, choo,
choo, wee!
11
00:00:51,890 --> 00:00:52,890
Pardon me, boys.
12
00:00:52,990 --> 00:00:53,789
Woo, woo!
13
00:00:53,790 --> 00:00:56,430
That's the Chattanooga choo -choo. Woo,
woo!
14
00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:57,990
Track 29.
15
00:00:58,310 --> 00:00:59,310
Woo, woo!
16
00:00:59,670 --> 00:01:00,990
Well, you can give me a shine.
17
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:03,150
Diddly -bum, diddly -bum, diddly -bum!
18
00:01:03,890 --> 00:01:04,890
Woo,
19
00:01:05,110 --> 00:01:06,110
woo!
20
00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:08,340
Let's concentrate.
21
00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:10,400
There is not a woo -woo there.
22
00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:12,520
It's a diddly -bum.
23
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,960
Now, look at your words. They're lofty.
You're doing very nicely.
24
00:01:17,380 --> 00:01:20,280
Well, but your bowman's quite a tart,
isn't he? He's making them do it again.
25
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,220
Well, they keep getting their woo -woos
mixed up with their diddly -bums.
26
00:01:24,620 --> 00:01:25,620
Easily done, I suppose.
27
00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:29,320
Anyway, helps keep their mind off the
japs lurking in the undergrowth.
28
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:30,900
Do you want another card, sir?
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00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:32,400
No, I'll stick.
30
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Play 19.
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Dashed, I've lost again.
32
00:01:36,970 --> 00:01:39,990
And he does pray a bit unusual, sir. Not
many people stick on 14.
33
00:01:40,870 --> 00:01:44,670
All right, kids, take 10. Go and get
your doobie.
34
00:01:44,890 --> 00:01:45,869
Hey, Gloria.
35
00:01:45,870 --> 00:01:47,510
This is no doobie war.
36
00:01:47,790 --> 00:01:48,589
No, sir.
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00:01:48,590 --> 00:01:51,190
Other doobie -walla go into jungle to a
small village.
38
00:01:51,790 --> 00:01:53,130
That's the problem with these people.
39
00:01:53,730 --> 00:01:54,730
They're not reliable.
40
00:01:54,930 --> 00:01:59,510
He's not reliable, sir. But he's
frightened of salantide Japanese yellow
41
00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:03,470
who rush out of bushes, waving sword and
shouting, Banzai!
42
00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:04,970
Yes, Sergeant Major.
43
00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:06,590
They seem to be getting much closer.
44
00:02:06,850 --> 00:02:09,990
Last night you could hear nothing but
jacked voices before the wireless went
45
00:02:09,990 --> 00:02:10,728
a blink.
46
00:02:10,729 --> 00:02:14,090
Ah, well, you don't have to worry about
that. In a parking, the old wireless
47
00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:15,230
plays funny tricks, you know.
48
00:02:15,930 --> 00:02:17,790
Matt Dovey wasn't listening to the
wireless.
49
00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:19,610
He was listening to his instinct.
50
00:02:19,970 --> 00:02:20,970
He just ran.
51
00:02:21,150 --> 00:02:22,129
Shut up.
52
00:02:22,130 --> 00:02:25,090
Well, he's jolly rotten at his job. Look
what he's done to my tunic.
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00:02:26,150 --> 00:02:28,010
Your clean laundry, sir. Thank you,
Park.
54
00:02:32,970 --> 00:02:34,410
I see it's a bit thick.
55
00:02:36,940 --> 00:02:38,360
What are you complaining about now,
Ashford?
56
00:02:38,580 --> 00:02:39,580
Well, look.
57
00:02:43,460 --> 00:02:44,880
Did you ask them to do it like that?
58
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:46,320
No, of course not.
59
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,460
Well, go for a walk in those and you'll
cut your head off.
60
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,560
That sounds like a jeep approaching,
sir. Well, that's unusual this time of
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00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:53,478
evening.
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00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,000
Nobody cares about my trousers.
63
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,540
They don't look careful with their
trousers. Oh, don't go on, Ashford.
64
00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:05,760
Get on parade! What in the name of hell
are you lot doing here?
65
00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:09,030
How do you do, sir? I'm Reynolds, this
is Ashford, with the Royal Artillery
66
00:03:09,030 --> 00:03:12,690
Counterparty. We give shows to the chaps
in rest areas. Rest areas? What do you
67
00:03:12,690 --> 00:03:13,690
call a rest area?
68
00:03:13,850 --> 00:03:16,830
Well, they're usually 10 or 20 miles
behind the forward position.
69
00:03:17,090 --> 00:03:19,850
You'll be off the mark this time. You're
about 12 hours in front of the forward
70
00:03:19,850 --> 00:03:20,850
position.
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00:03:21,930 --> 00:03:22,829
What do you mean?
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00:03:22,830 --> 00:03:24,870
All right, chaps, gather round. I'll
show you.
73
00:03:25,550 --> 00:03:28,530
This afternoon, the Japs made a pincer
movement.
74
00:03:28,970 --> 00:03:32,030
North, then south, like this.
75
00:03:32,490 --> 00:03:35,490
They took our chaps unawares, so in a
couple of hours they were able to close
76
00:03:35,490 --> 00:03:36,249
the gap.
77
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:37,710
So, you see how the position is?
78
00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,710
It looks like a Christmas pudding,
profoundly.
79
00:03:40,610 --> 00:03:42,610
And you lot are the flappity bit in the
middle.
80
00:03:43,450 --> 00:03:45,350
Gee, that's Mr. Rounded.
81
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,290
The Japs have used their pincers.
82
00:03:47,670 --> 00:03:48,710
And we're all going to die.
83
00:03:49,110 --> 00:03:49,888
Shut up.
84
00:03:49,890 --> 00:03:52,630
Why didn't you withdraw at the same time
as the others? Didn't you get a message
85
00:03:52,630 --> 00:03:53,429
over the radio?
86
00:03:53,430 --> 00:03:56,430
We got no message, sir. And a Parkinson
charged the wireless, sir. Very reliable
87
00:03:56,430 --> 00:03:58,090
man. We got no message and a Parkinson,
did we?
88
00:03:58,450 --> 00:03:59,450
No, Sergeant Major.
89
00:03:59,730 --> 00:04:02,090
They came on here and said something and
then they went off.
90
00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:05,130
They said something like rhubarb.
91
00:04:06,290 --> 00:04:09,170
Rhubarb? But that's a code word to put
the withdrawal plan into operation.
92
00:04:09,610 --> 00:04:12,150
You blithering idiot. Why didn't you
tell me they said rhubarb?
93
00:04:12,410 --> 00:04:13,990
I didn't think it was important, sir.
94
00:04:14,530 --> 00:04:16,029
I just thought it was about food.
95
00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:18,990
My customers.
96
00:04:19,029 --> 00:04:20,029
Shut up!
97
00:04:20,950 --> 00:04:24,250
I think it's a mistake anybody could
make, sir. I mean, headquarters is
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00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:28,090
impartially to blame for thinking up
such a daft code word. I thought of the
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00:04:28,090 --> 00:04:29,090
code word.
100
00:04:32,090 --> 00:04:33,090
Let's go now.
101
00:04:33,270 --> 00:04:36,830
Let's not bother to pack. Let's just go.
I've already too late. Every path to
102
00:04:36,830 --> 00:04:37,830
the west is thick with them.
103
00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:39,330
Well, what are we going to do? Do?
104
00:04:39,870 --> 00:04:41,970
Don't you realise, man, you've got a
golden opportunity?
105
00:04:42,530 --> 00:04:45,630
The Jap advance is only temporary. We
shall counterattack in a couple of days
106
00:04:45,630 --> 00:04:49,350
and we shall wipe them right out. In the
meantime, you could wreak havoc behind
107
00:04:49,350 --> 00:04:50,129
their lines.
108
00:04:50,130 --> 00:04:51,870
By Jove, could we really?
109
00:04:52,590 --> 00:04:53,589
Of course.
110
00:04:53,590 --> 00:04:57,190
First go to ground, lie low, merge into
the background, and then when the moment
111
00:04:57,190 --> 00:04:59,270
is right, give the Jap the jitters.
112
00:04:59,510 --> 00:05:01,130
Hit him where it hurts and run away.
113
00:05:01,740 --> 00:05:04,920
A chance to see a bit of action, sir? Of
course. You've got your guns. I'll
114
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:08,120
leave you plenty of explosives. But give
them a couple of paces. Stop!
115
00:05:09,060 --> 00:05:13,740
Now, when it's light, make towards the
Mingtong Bridge. There.
116
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:18,000
We'll drive the Japs that way, and with
any luck, you'll be in the thick of it.
117
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,079
Ah.
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00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:20,079
Good share.
119
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:25,560
Keep a 24 -hour watch on the radio. If
you hear the code word FISH, blow up the
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00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,080
bridge. Then you'll have them like rats
in a trap. Will we?
121
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:32,150
Good. But if they break out, then our
chaps are going to need the bridge to
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00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:34,910
outflank them. In that case, I'll send
the word chips.
123
00:05:35,230 --> 00:05:37,510
And in that case, leave the bridge
alone.
124
00:05:38,490 --> 00:05:42,470
But I'm afraid if that happens, you
won't be seeing any chaps. Oh, what a
125
00:05:42,890 --> 00:05:44,370
Well, I must be off. Good luck.
126
00:05:44,770 --> 00:05:45,770
Oh, thanks, Alfie.
127
00:05:48,250 --> 00:05:50,850
And don't forget, fish blow up the
bridge.
128
00:05:51,090 --> 00:05:52,950
Chips leave the bridge alone.
129
00:05:53,950 --> 00:05:54,950
Goodbye.
130
00:05:56,870 --> 00:05:58,130
Right, well, remember that.
131
00:05:58,350 --> 00:06:00,110
Fish. Blow up the bridge.
132
00:06:00,950 --> 00:06:02,950
Chips. Leave the bridge alone.
133
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:06,430
Do you hear what he said?
134
00:06:06,730 --> 00:06:07,950
We're going to be in the thick of it.
135
00:06:08,270 --> 00:06:11,190
Us, artists, we're like lambs to the
slaughter.
136
00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:13,270
We're not qualified, we're not trained.
137
00:06:13,570 --> 00:06:15,170
We're just creative, sensible people.
138
00:06:15,570 --> 00:06:18,750
And we're going to be used as so much
cannon fodder. Shut up!
139
00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:22,350
Fall out and get your rifles ready from
this place in two minutes. Move
140
00:06:22,350 --> 00:06:23,350
yourself, move yourself.
141
00:06:24,030 --> 00:06:25,050
Get a mark into our ship.
142
00:06:25,740 --> 00:06:28,260
Issue one hundred rounds of ammunition
per man.
143
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:29,480
No smoking.
144
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:31,600
Put the fire out.
145
00:06:31,940 --> 00:06:32,940
No raised voices.
146
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,380
Colonel Clark at the gate.
147
00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:37,100
Colonel Evans, patrol the path.
148
00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:38,520
Two hundred yards to the north.
149
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:40,180
Colonel Graham, two hundred yards to the
west.
150
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:43,500
On the approach of the enemy, you will
not repeat, not open fire. We'll double
151
00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:44,540
back here. Move yourselves!
152
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:46,700
Colonel's up!
153
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:47,639
Colonel's up!
154
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:48,640
Oh, bop -re -bop!
155
00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:52,560
Japanese are searching all villages for
British soldier boys. Hide, everybody!
156
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,320
Take something to think like a man.
157
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:03,720
I'm not a man.
158
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,000
I'm an actor.
159
00:07:08,100 --> 00:07:09,700
Where shall I hide, Sergeant Major?
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00:07:09,940 --> 00:07:10,940
I'll pull you some together.
161
00:07:11,740 --> 00:07:14,080
Well, we've got to make a plan.
162
00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:16,720
They're not shooting Indians.
163
00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:20,140
If you be Indians, you'll be okay, I
think.
164
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:24,180
You may have a point there, I should. We
cannot look in the least bit like
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00:07:24,180 --> 00:07:26,140
Indians. Especially him. Quite right.
166
00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:31,200
I have got all the village clothes from
Dhobiwala on cart and road.
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00:07:31,420 --> 00:07:35,920
You put them on instead of your uniform,
you'll be Indians pretty damn quick.
168
00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:37,300
Excuse me, sir.
169
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,980
If we're captured and we're not in
uniform, we'll all be shot as spies.
170
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,500
That's a good point. On the other hand,
who wants to be taken prisoner?
171
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:46,880
I don't want to be took a prisoner.
172
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,280
That side of the globe's awful.
173
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,900
All I want to do is to entertain the
world.
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00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:55,560
Make them laugh.
175
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,120
Make them cry.
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00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:01,580
Make them forget their cares and worries
for just a few short minutes.
177
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:03,560
What happened?
178
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:05,920
I wake up one morning and I'm out of
blood.
179
00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:08,340
Shut up, you, and keep quiet.
180
00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:09,899
Colonel's up.
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00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:14,160
Japs here are pretty damn quick. You can
run away, or you can turn into Indian,
182
00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,840
or you can fight and turn into dead. But
you must choose now.
183
00:08:19,260 --> 00:08:20,420
What do you think, Ashford?
184
00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:22,640
I think we should have to become
Indians, sir.
185
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:26,330
At least that way we stand a chance.
Yes, I think you're right. Sergeant
186
00:08:26,490 --> 00:08:28,150
turn the men into Indians, would you
please?
187
00:08:31,030 --> 00:08:34,010
Right. Fall in outside by the door
before you move yourselves.
188
00:08:35,470 --> 00:08:41,549
Hail, hands I loved, beside the shalima.
189
00:08:42,450 --> 00:08:43,450
Well,
190
00:08:45,090 --> 00:08:46,049
where is they, then?
191
00:08:46,050 --> 00:08:49,450
They're still putting on dhotis from
Dhobiwala Bundle out there, sir.
192
00:09:26,510 --> 00:09:27,830
But stick them fine shoulders forward.
193
00:09:28,330 --> 00:09:30,370
Indians does not have fine shoulders
like that.
194
00:09:34,230 --> 00:09:38,450
And as for you, Mr. Naughty Dog and
Graham, you makes a much better Gandhi
195
00:09:38,450 --> 00:09:39,450
you deserve.
196
00:10:19,790 --> 00:10:23,190
There weren't enough dotis to go round,
so I thought somebody had better wear a
197
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:25,070
sari, and I thought it better be me.
198
00:10:28,650 --> 00:10:32,670
I say, you look absolutely first class.
Now, don't salute. You spoil the whole
199
00:10:32,670 --> 00:10:33,670
thing.
200
00:10:39,870 --> 00:10:41,690
You spares have all that dandium done.
201
00:10:43,750 --> 00:10:45,090
I don't know what a stick is, sir.
202
00:10:46,890 --> 00:10:47,890
But it looks awful.
203
00:10:48,010 --> 00:10:49,010
A trawler!
204
00:10:51,470 --> 00:10:52,830
What's he supposed to do with all that
down there?
205
00:10:54,550 --> 00:10:56,050
Pick it up over your shoulder, sir.
206
00:10:57,110 --> 00:10:58,630
Of course. Do that, Sergeant Major.
207
00:11:06,910 --> 00:11:07,910
Well, what do you think?
208
00:11:10,430 --> 00:11:12,270
Well, there's something not quite right.
209
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:13,730
Don't you agree, Sergeant Major?
210
00:11:14,070 --> 00:11:15,070
The hat, sir.
211
00:11:15,730 --> 00:11:16,730
Get rid of the hat.
212
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,330
Traveller, you're the expert. How do we
all look?
213
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:24,370
Absolutely top hole, Colonel, sir. As
long as nobody sees you.
214
00:11:25,490 --> 00:11:26,950
What are you talking about?
215
00:11:27,390 --> 00:11:28,389
What's here, sir?
216
00:11:28,390 --> 00:11:30,790
Japanese are coming, sir.
217
00:11:31,150 --> 00:11:33,410
Quick! Turn the place into a nasty
village.
218
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,570
You two squat down over there. You two
over there have a little chat.
219
00:11:36,790 --> 00:11:38,750
Right. You make the parties.
220
00:11:39,070 --> 00:11:40,330
You fan the fire.
221
00:11:42,070 --> 00:11:46,170
Are you going to go in your bed and hide
and cover yourself up?
222
00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:52,460
I feel a bit spare standing around like
this.
223
00:11:53,220 --> 00:11:57,340
Use your imagination. Come over here,
Senor Brando. Write a nice Indian
224
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,420
Right, I'll pretend to be your wife. Do
a bit of housework, right?
225
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:11,180
Good heavens.
226
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:12,840
I'm not having a steric.
227
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,320
Oh, it would be wonderful if I'm not
having a steric. Shut up!
228
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,190
Stop. It is only... Dhobiwala coming
back.
229
00:12:22,050 --> 00:12:24,430
Both alarm, everybody, the Dhobiwala.
230
00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:26,530
Never mind. It was a very good practice.
231
00:12:26,770 --> 00:12:28,790
Well done, Babadir. You were very good
indeed.
232
00:12:29,190 --> 00:12:32,790
There is much trouble and bother.
233
00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:40,170
Japanese soldier come, and all the men
who work for Dhobiwala have run away
234
00:12:40,170 --> 00:12:41,950
jungle. Let's have a look on him in a
minute.
235
00:12:42,750 --> 00:12:45,810
But, sir, he has got this great big
bundles of dirty Dhobi.
236
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,660
which must be made all clean and
threadbare.
237
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,100
Well, it serves you right, but I'm in
such a jittery style after it.
238
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:54,920
You don't understand, Sergeant Major,
sir. All this is Japanese soldiers'
239
00:12:55,140 --> 00:12:57,700
clothes that must be clean washed by
morning.
240
00:12:59,180 --> 00:13:00,740
That's the Japanese soup washing.
241
00:13:01,540 --> 00:13:02,540
Hear that, sir?
242
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,300
Those junk uniforms.
243
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,640
Come on, lads, let's turn up the sweat.
Sergeant Major, sir,
244
00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:14,860
he says Japanese soldiers will be very
angry and kill him.
245
00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:17,360
Why don't you run away into the jungle
like his workers, can't he?
246
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:27,780
Hang on a minute, Sergeant Major.
247
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:31,940
What happens if the Japs don't get their
doobie back and do a spot of
248
00:13:31,940 --> 00:13:35,500
investigating? I think Gunner Graham's
got a point. Our brief is to lie low.
249
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:39,120
I don't know where it hurts, sir, and it
will definitely hurt them if we chase
250
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,900
up their doobie and then shoot some. No,
no, no. We've got a very good cover
251
00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,520
here. We must lie low until we're
needed.
252
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:44,740
Leave those things alone.
253
00:13:45,220 --> 00:13:49,840
Colonel, sir, tomorrow morning Japs come
for a nice clean dhobi and when it is
254
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:53,480
not there, he gets pretty damn angry and
look for dhobiwala.
255
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:58,000
Come or other, the laundry will have to
be done when they come for it. Where's
256
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,000
the nearest dhobiwala?
257
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,200
All gone into the jungle club.
258
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:05,920
Now, it is a problem because this stuff
must be ironed and washed before
259
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:06,899
tomorrow morning.
260
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:09,240
If there's no dhobiwala, sir, it's just
not possible.
261
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,720
There's no such word as impossible.
262
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:12,760
You will have to do it, Sergeant
Mitchell.
263
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:16,880
It's me, sir.
264
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:22,300
I do the job laundry. Well, not you
personally, but you will have to get it
265
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:23,300
done.
266
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:25,180
I've been a soldier for 25 years, sir.
267
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:26,920
They is the enemy.
268
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,560
King Gregory says clearly state you will
not do the enemy's washing.
269
00:14:31,420 --> 00:14:34,700
I'm sorry, Sergeant Major, there's
nothing else for it. We must not be
270
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:35,700
discovered.
271
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:37,260
Oh, Mr. Wu.
272
00:14:37,980 --> 00:14:39,060
I... What?
273
00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:40,300
You're Dobie.
274
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:41,420
On the command, Dobie.
275
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,340
You will swing your Dobie over your
shoulder, bring it hard down on your
276
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:49,120
giving a hiss through the teeth at the
same time. Like this.
277
00:14:49,460 --> 00:14:50,460
Dobie!
278
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:52,920
Dobie!
279
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,600
Dobie!
280
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:56,560
Any questions?
281
00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,960
Yes. You have to do it so hard because
you're splashing me all over. Shut up!
282
00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:01,220
Shut up!
283
00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:02,980
Dobie!
284
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:07,820
The sergeant mate really is a first
-rate chap. He can turn his hand to
285
00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:08,819
absolutely anything.
286
00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:12,200
Oh, yes. The salt of the earth, these
warrant officers, you know. He seems to
287
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,320
have made the men look less white.
288
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,580
Oh, yes, sir. He's had them put tea on
themselves.
289
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:16,920
Very strong tea.
290
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,160
Oh, did he really?
291
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,400
That'll explain why you've got tea
leaves in your left ear.
292
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:25,540
What did you do in the war, Daddy?
293
00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:27,680
Oh, I was in Burma, son.
294
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,220
Did you kill many Japanese?
295
00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:33,400
No. I did the laundry.
296
00:15:36,930 --> 00:15:38,010
I'm telling you.
297
00:15:38,710 --> 00:15:40,230
What shall I do?
298
00:15:40,710 --> 00:15:44,150
I've got the time to lime out Chinese
laundry blue.
299
00:15:44,550 --> 00:15:47,010
Clark! Shut up!
300
00:15:47,550 --> 00:15:51,670
The Japanese might do it. You and Indian
Dobie Wallace do not sing George Forby
301
00:15:51,670 --> 00:15:52,670
songs.
302
00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:57,610
Beg your pardon, it does not seem quite
right, Samuel, for us British soldiers
303
00:15:57,610 --> 00:16:00,390
to be doing so much for them Japs
without getting our own back in some
304
00:16:00,590 --> 00:16:03,670
Could we not, for instance, sprinkle a
bit of hitching powder on their
305
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:08,780
I'm sorry, Sergeant Major. Not unless we
know we're leaving within 24 hours.
306
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,000
Here's a hot wine.
307
00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:12,180
Thank you.
308
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:17,120
Well, whatever you do, don't use the
iron while it's too hot. Look what
309
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:18,120
to Nosher.
310
00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:21,720
Get properly ready. Move yourself. Move
yourself.
311
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:27,860
Come on, come on, come on. Stop, Robert
E. My Jove, you all look fantastic.
312
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:29,760
Fantastic.
313
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:31,640
Except him.
314
00:16:32,420 --> 00:16:33,420
What do you tell?
315
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:34,680
Afternoon, sir.
316
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:36,750
Yes, Reynolds, I do, yes.
317
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,970
Yes, good to see you. Well, I've got
marvellous news for you. We are going to
318
00:16:39,970 --> 00:16:40,990
attack at dawn tomorrow.
319
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,970
Division know about you, and believe me,
they are very excited to know that you
320
00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:46,790
are behind the chap lines, ready to do
or die.
321
00:16:47,230 --> 00:16:51,430
Now, your plans are to proceed half a
mile upstream to the river, here.
322
00:16:51,930 --> 00:16:54,250
When you get there, they will build a
raft for the explosives.
323
00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:56,970
And when you hear the signal, you all
know what the signal is?
324
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,370
Fish. All right.
325
00:16:58,670 --> 00:17:00,730
And when you get the signal, fish, you
know what to do?
326
00:17:01,210 --> 00:17:02,530
Blow up the bridge.
327
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:04,500
Floor the bridge.
328
00:17:06,099 --> 00:17:07,099
Correct.
329
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,940
Swim the raft under the support and
activate the time fuse. Well, nothing
330
00:17:10,940 --> 00:17:14,280
be simpler, could it? So we does not
have to carry out this operation
331
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,720
as Indians, have we? Good point, no. You
may resume your role as British
332
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:18,760
soldiers forthwith.
333
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,359
Thank heavens for that.
334
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,300
Good luck and good hunting.
335
00:17:22,599 --> 00:17:25,520
And believe me, you are doing a first
-class job.
336
00:17:25,859 --> 00:17:26,699
Thank you, sir.
337
00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:27,940
Just one other thing.
338
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:29,500
Birch. Sir.
339
00:17:31,270 --> 00:17:33,450
Give this a rub through, will you? Not
too much starch.
340
00:17:39,270 --> 00:17:44,350
Keep that pumper going, it's damned hot.
341
00:17:45,070 --> 00:17:47,750
I think the sergeant major's coming back
off patrol, sir. Right.
342
00:17:48,090 --> 00:17:49,310
Give him the OK sign.
343
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:06,400
at the raft in the river, sir, and one
of us could paddle upstream unobserved.
344
00:18:06,580 --> 00:18:08,740
Good. Hurry up with that raft,
Bombardier.
345
00:18:09,460 --> 00:18:10,460
I'm doing my best.
346
00:18:10,860 --> 00:18:13,560
I mean, nobody trained me for this sort
of thing, did they? I mean, I've plenty
347
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,040
of slope arms and abouts and all that
sort of rubbish, but nobody said
348
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:17,120
Shut up!
349
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,480
The explosive is packed right in the
middle of the raft.
350
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:27,460
Now, I suggest we don't attach the fuse
until the last possible moment.
351
00:18:28,170 --> 00:18:29,290
A last possible moment.
352
00:18:30,130 --> 00:18:33,570
Let me tell you, Mr. Lardy Dark Gunner,
Graham, I does not need you to tell me
353
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,130
how to set a fuse. Get out of it!
354
00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:37,150
Excuse me, Sergeant Major.
355
00:18:37,370 --> 00:18:38,570
They're sending a code word.
356
00:18:38,770 --> 00:18:39,770
Fish.
357
00:18:39,890 --> 00:18:41,310
We'd better proceed to the river, sir.
358
00:18:41,810 --> 00:18:42,810
Yes. Good.
359
00:18:43,450 --> 00:18:44,670
And give the orders, everyone.
360
00:18:45,610 --> 00:18:46,569
Certainly, sir.
361
00:18:46,570 --> 00:18:47,710
Carry on, Sergeant Major.
362
00:18:48,230 --> 00:18:49,230
Right. Pay attention.
363
00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:53,810
Pick up the raft. Proceed in single
file. No noise. Remember, you is now in
364
00:18:53,810 --> 00:18:54,569
enemy territory.
365
00:18:54,570 --> 00:18:57,250
Behind every tree there could be a zap.
366
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,520
Maybe they might declare peace in the
next few minutes, eh?
367
00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:03,420
That won't help you, Gloria. We don't
have a code word for peace declared.
368
00:19:23,380 --> 00:19:24,380
Right.
369
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:26,120
See that bend under the arms away?
370
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,970
Around the corner, just behind it, is
the bridge.
371
00:19:29,190 --> 00:19:32,630
All we need is somebody to paddle that
raft up there and wedge it in the
372
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:37,270
supports. I was not going to call the
volunteers, because I know full well you
373
00:19:37,270 --> 00:19:38,270
will all volunteer.
374
00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:42,330
Why not give it a try, just in case
there are one or two of us that
375
00:19:43,630 --> 00:19:46,810
I am not calling for volunteers to
perform this brave deed.
376
00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:52,830
Shugdon, you will have the honour.
377
00:19:55,310 --> 00:19:56,370
Because she was near as the water.
378
00:19:56,730 --> 00:19:57,730
Float around.
379
00:20:00,410 --> 00:20:01,410
Gently now.
380
00:20:01,850 --> 00:20:02,850
No noise.
381
00:20:06,990 --> 00:20:07,990
You go, Sunder.
382
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,560
Why is tears running down your cheeks?
383
00:20:27,020 --> 00:20:28,680
There's a fish biting at my little toe.
384
00:20:29,540 --> 00:20:30,540
Oh,
385
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:32,360
that's better. It's stopped.
386
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,280
Obviously the fish has taste.
387
00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:40,300
I just wedge the raft in the supports,
pull the pin out of the fuse, and swim
388
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:41,300
away.
389
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:42,660
Not too slowly.
390
00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:44,300
Off you go.
391
00:20:44,740 --> 00:20:45,740
Yes, Sergeant Major.
392
00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:52,360
Good luck.
393
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:53,960
I shan't forget this gunner.
394
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:54,959
Go ahead.
395
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:55,960
Sucked in, sir.
396
00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:57,820
Right.
397
00:20:59,580 --> 00:21:01,060
All round defensive positions.
398
00:21:01,540 --> 00:21:05,880
When that charge explodes, them Japs is
going to get very cross.
399
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,000
Blimey.
400
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,380
Excuse me, sir.
401
00:21:20,740 --> 00:21:22,960
HQ are sending the code word, chips.
402
00:21:24,870 --> 00:21:25,870
Leave the bridge alone.
403
00:21:26,630 --> 00:21:27,670
Shall I call up the back?
404
00:21:27,910 --> 00:21:28,910
Yes, right away.
405
00:21:29,350 --> 00:21:30,350
Not that way.
406
00:21:31,170 --> 00:21:32,170
That way.
407
00:21:32,790 --> 00:21:33,709
What do you mean?
408
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:36,050
Well, you cannot shout, Bomadier. The
Japs will hear.
409
00:21:36,870 --> 00:21:40,470
Right. So when you get, you've got a
friend with you.
410
00:21:40,910 --> 00:21:42,070
You need to do him personal.
411
00:21:42,410 --> 00:21:43,410
Are you mad?
412
00:21:44,350 --> 00:21:45,450
You just volunteered.
413
00:21:45,990 --> 00:21:48,190
I didn't volunteer. I didn't volunteer
for nothing.
414
00:21:48,410 --> 00:21:51,130
Well, I said, what? Shall I go after
him? I didn't say, shall I whisper in
415
00:21:51,130 --> 00:21:52,130
ear, oh?
416
00:21:52,210 --> 00:21:53,230
Get in the water.
417
00:22:01,100 --> 00:22:02,260
What's that say to him?
418
00:22:02,660 --> 00:22:04,000
Leave the bridge alone.
419
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:23,919
Excuse me, sir.
420
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:25,420
They're sending another message.
421
00:22:26,300 --> 00:22:27,340
Temporary setback.
422
00:22:27,540 --> 00:22:29,060
We are retreating.
423
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:30,520
Fish.
424
00:22:32,980 --> 00:22:36,780
Mark it, Josh.
425
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,940
Overtake the bombardier. Tell him to
cancel his instructions. Then tell
426
00:22:42,940 --> 00:22:45,060
to obey his original orders.
427
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:46,360
Go on.
428
00:23:19,020 --> 00:23:20,660
and make up their blasted minds.
429
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:24,960
What is it this time?
430
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:26,760
Pickled onions.
431
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:30,280
There's no such thing as that.
432
00:23:31,260 --> 00:23:32,500
What are you making it out of?
433
00:23:33,420 --> 00:23:35,420
Maybe somebody wants some pickled
onions.
434
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,820
Joey, Joey, Joey. Hello, Sunray, Joey,
Joey.
435
00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:42,220
Joey, Joey.
436
00:23:42,300 --> 00:23:43,300
That's us, sir.
437
00:23:48,430 --> 00:23:50,310
Do we ignore the fish or the chips?
438
00:23:51,370 --> 00:23:52,670
The last one was chips.
439
00:23:52,950 --> 00:23:54,070
No, Sergeant Major.
440
00:23:55,250 --> 00:23:57,170
Lofty was fish, blow up the bridge.
441
00:23:57,450 --> 00:23:59,810
The bombardier was chips, leave the
bridge alone.
442
00:24:00,270 --> 00:24:02,090
Atlas was fish, blow up the bridge.
443
00:24:02,370 --> 00:24:05,150
Well, if we're cancelling fish, it must
mean we're doing chips.
444
00:24:05,510 --> 00:24:06,990
Leave the bridge alone.
445
00:24:07,610 --> 00:24:08,910
Clark. Sir.
446
00:24:09,470 --> 00:24:11,730
Get in there, overtake Atlas, tell him
to cancel his order.
447
00:24:12,030 --> 00:24:14,850
Tell the bombardier he was right and
Lofty's wrong.
448
00:24:15,610 --> 00:24:17,790
Blow up the bridge. No. Oh, leave the
bridge alone.
449
00:24:18,510 --> 00:24:19,510
Got it.
450
00:24:30,550 --> 00:24:32,490
Send a message to HQ.
451
00:24:32,850 --> 00:24:35,970
Tell them what we're doing and ask them
for a clarification of the situation
452
00:24:35,970 --> 00:24:37,250
regarding the status quo.
453
00:24:37,750 --> 00:24:43,110
They gave an order, then they
countermanded it. Then they cancelled
454
00:24:43,110 --> 00:24:46,230
alteration to the plan and reaffirmed
the first instruction.
455
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,440
And then they confirmed the countermand
of the original order.
456
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,000
Don't you agree, Ashford?
457
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:52,760
Trust about, sir.
458
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:00,040
I wish somebody would make up their
minds.
459
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,240
First of all, it's blow out the bridge,
then leave the bridge alone, then blow
460
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:04,139
out the bridge again.
461
00:25:04,140 --> 00:25:05,580
Yeah, and then it's leave the bridge
alone again.
462
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:07,560
It's like having Mr. Martin Dixie out in
that river.
463
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,280
That was because nobody overtook me.
464
00:25:09,580 --> 00:25:13,320
So we had to leave the bridge alone and
run in, followed by a blow -up. And
465
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,760
Lofty, you couldn't stop Lofty at all.
He just kept going.
466
00:25:26,860 --> 00:25:27,860
the things that come out.
467
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,220
He wasn't a big man in height.
468
00:26:28,820 --> 00:26:31,520
His art was the art of a giant.
469
00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:36,280
If he was in trouble, you could go to
him.
470
00:26:37,780 --> 00:26:38,780
He'd give you a smile.
471
00:26:40,420 --> 00:26:41,420
Maybe a song.
472
00:26:43,820 --> 00:26:45,200
Because he had a beautiful voice.
473
00:26:47,020 --> 00:26:50,040
What could bring tears to the eyes of
them?
474
00:26:50,860 --> 00:26:52,020
Like that sort of thing.
475
00:26:54,700 --> 00:26:57,080
Most important, he was a man.
476
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:00,400
A very big one.
477
00:27:01,460 --> 00:27:02,460
A man.
478
00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:06,260
May his soul rest.
479
00:27:16,460 --> 00:27:18,240
What are you doing here, you little
person?
480
00:27:19,980 --> 00:27:20,980
Who's that? You are!
481
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:30,520
I thought for one awful moment that
you'd blown up the bridge.
482
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:34,240
The enemy is in full retreat, and our
chaps are using the bridge to encircle
483
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,000
them. The chaps won't be coming this
way, I'm afraid.
484
00:27:37,860 --> 00:27:38,860
Oh, isn't that a shame?
485
00:27:39,060 --> 00:27:40,060
Oh, isn't that a shame?
486
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,300
The chaps won't be coming this way. Shut
up!
487
00:27:43,380 --> 00:27:44,380
Natasha!
488
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:46,460
Hope to see your show sometime.
489
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:48,640
So long.
490
00:27:49,620 --> 00:27:51,400
Fine chaps, eh, Asher? Colonel, sir!
491
00:27:51,740 --> 00:27:54,400
Sergeant Major, sir! Where the hell have
you been? Where's your ruddy char and
492
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:55,219
I'm parched?
493
00:27:55,220 --> 00:27:57,400
I've been making up wages for you old
thugs.
494
00:27:58,860 --> 00:28:00,560
Hey, what's all this then? It's money.
495
00:28:01,300 --> 00:28:02,300
Two rupees.
496
00:28:04,460 --> 00:28:05,900
And we've all got two rupees.
497
00:28:06,740 --> 00:28:08,000
What's all this about, Charwala?
498
00:28:08,980 --> 00:28:13,160
That is from Japanese shops. That is the
money for the dobi. And they say they
499
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,260
are most pleased, and it is done very
well.
500
00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:17,720
And can you do some more next week,
please?
501
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,040
This don't seem quite right.
502
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:22,520
What's the matter, Sergeant Manor?
503
00:28:24,500 --> 00:28:26,300
I've only got two rupees, same as the
man.
504
00:28:47,999 --> 00:28:50,800
Thank you.
505
00:29:11,879 --> 00:29:17,200
B -O -Y -S boys to entertain you!
39469
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