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Meet the gang cause the boys are here,
the boys to entertain you.
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With music and laughter to help you on
your way to raising the rafters with a
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00:00:14,290 --> 00:00:20,330
hey, hey, hey. With songs and sketches
and jokes shown anew with us about you
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00:00:20,330 --> 00:00:25,770
and Bill Blues. So meet the gang cause
the boys are here, the boys to entertain
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00:00:25,770 --> 00:00:26,770
you.
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00:00:26,970 --> 00:00:32,130
B -O -B -O -Y -S, boys to entertain you.
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Boys are here.
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Boys to entertain you.
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Sit up straight on your pancreas.
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Today is very exciting here in Royal
Artillery Depot, Dear Lally.
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Colonel Saab.
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00:01:06,970 --> 00:01:11,530
Captain Saab and Sergeant Major Shut -up
Saab are having meetings to decide who
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is to be promoted to bombardier.
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Now, in the rest of British Army, man
with two stripes on his arm is called
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00:01:19,550 --> 00:01:25,730
corporal. But in olden times, some
regiments had halibut. And man in charge
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called halibutier.
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And he was very big fish.
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Now, the word bombardier means man in
charge of bombs.
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And that is why, in Royal Regiment of
Artillery, man with two stripes on his
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is called bombardier.
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Many years ago, I was bearer to officer
in infantry, and he called a man with
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two stripes on his arm corporal deer.
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But he was sent home to Blighty Jolly
quickly.
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Yes, you ought to ask him some of those
trick questions, Ashwood. Have you got
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00:02:00,650 --> 00:02:01,109
the list?
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Yes, sir.
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Test questions for prospective NCOs.
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Gunner Sugden is next, sir. I do not
think you will delay us very long.
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Halt! With march!
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Move this way!
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Out!
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Salute!
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00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:19,930
There he is.
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Now, the colonel and the captains could
ask you questions to see if you're
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suitable for many a material. Is that
clear?
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Yes, Sergeant Major.
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00:02:27,790 --> 00:02:33,150
Now then, Sutton, you're on patrol with
an officer and ten men when you see
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three Japanese soldiers entering a
thicket.
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00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:37,450
When do you open fire?
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00:02:38,310 --> 00:02:39,550
How thick is the thicket?
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00:02:42,190 --> 00:02:45,090
The thickness of the thicket has got
nothing to do with it. Answer the
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What are they going in the thicket for?
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Good question. What are they going into
the thicket for, Ashton?
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He doesn't say, sir.
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I think they're just passing through.
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I see.
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When do you open fire, Sugden?
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Before they go in the thicket.
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00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:02,560
When they're in the thicket.
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When they come out the thicket.
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I've failed, haven't I?
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00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:13,540
You mustn't jump to conclusions, Sugden.
Get out!
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00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,400
Salute! About time!
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00:03:15,580 --> 00:03:17,640
Quick march! Left, right, left, right,
left, right, left, right, left, right!
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00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:19,100
Next!
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00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,100
Excuse me, sir.
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00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:24,200
What the hell are you playing at,
bearer? Start it with a sob. It is four
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'clock. It is tea time.
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00:03:25,870 --> 00:03:26,970
You remember the old song?
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00:03:27,350 --> 00:03:32,130
No matter what the star, when the clock
strikes far, everything stops for char.
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00:03:33,490 --> 00:03:35,310
Shut up. Get three cups.
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I'll shut up.
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00:03:39,770 --> 00:03:40,250
I
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can't
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stand this waiting about much longer.
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00:03:52,570 --> 00:03:53,770
I get so nervous.
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Just like when I went on my first
audition for one of the Lost Boys in
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Pan.
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00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:01,330
In such a state, I couldn't find the
theatre.
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00:04:03,350 --> 00:04:04,870
Lardy Dog on a Graham is next, sir.
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00:04:05,190 --> 00:04:06,190
Why do you call him that?
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The way he talks, sir.
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He's got an awfully affected accent.
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00:04:09,770 --> 00:04:10,770
I can't stand that.
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00:04:12,770 --> 00:04:13,709
Me neither.
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00:04:13,710 --> 00:04:15,150
But he's got lots of qualifications.
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00:04:15,470 --> 00:04:18,390
Cambridge man, isn't he? With respect,
sir, he may be all right for a officer,
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00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:19,950
but he's not up to standard as a
bombardier.
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Every time he talks to me, he makes me
feel like a complete fool.
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Yes, sir, well, he makes me feel like a
bad smell under his nose.
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00:04:31,250 --> 00:04:33,610
Do we not be absolutely fair and
impartial?
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Get it in, will you? Ha!
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We march left, right, left, right, left,
right, left, left, left, left! Right
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wheel! My time! Ha!
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Salute!
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I don't think so, do you, Ashford? Not
really, sir. I quite agree, sir. That'll
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00:04:48,730 --> 00:04:49,750
be all, thank you very much. Salute!
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00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,300
Sergeant Major, stop.
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00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:06,660
Stop! It is four o 'clock, sir, and I
packed your kit, and the train goes in
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00:05:06,660 --> 00:05:08,240
hour. What train is that, Sergeant
Major?
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00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,460
Oh, I was catching the five o 'clock to
Bombay, sir, back tomorrow morning. Got
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a bit of admin to do. Very much?
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00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:14,560
Quite a bit, sir.
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00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:20,120
Sergeant Major, sir, the Bombay girl is
not so beautiful, but her hair is big.
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00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:21,360
Charlie!
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00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:24,800
And don't be such big dicky.
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00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:29,360
If you've got that train to catch, we'd
better get a move on.
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00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:30,800
We'll see the next two together.
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00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:35,880
Oh, well, that will be Gunner Parkins,
sir, and Gunner Beaumont. Bearer, when I
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call, tell the next two to come in
together.
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00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:38,760
I'll tell Sergeant Major Taft.
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00:05:39,860 --> 00:05:43,720
Sir, sir, look. Sergeant Major Taft says
he will see you both in the all
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00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:44,720
together.
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00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:46,960
Are you nervous, Gloria?
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00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:51,060
No. So long as Sergeant Major shut up,
thinks you're his fan, you've got
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00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,060
to worry about.
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I would like you to take particular
notice of Gunner Parkins, sir.
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He's first -class bombarding material.
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Six foot one, good physique, five better
shoulders, real man.
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00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,040
What about Gunner Beaumont?
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00:06:04,340 --> 00:06:06,840
Five foot four, pigeon chest, he doesn't
worry to us all. Out!
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Salute!
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There he is.
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Shoulders back, lovely boy.
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Five better shoulders, you're more for
the colonel.
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00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:27,040
Now, the colonel is going to ask you
questions and you will answer up
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is that clear?
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Yes, Sergeant Major.
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He's going to ask me questions.
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00:06:29,770 --> 00:06:30,770
Shut up.
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00:06:31,910 --> 00:06:34,510
Colonel Parkins is now ready for you to
ask him questions, sir.
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00:06:35,190 --> 00:06:37,930
How long have you been in the army,
Parkins? 20 months, is that right?
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00:06:38,210 --> 00:06:40,350
Yes, Sergeant Major. Good boy, very
alert, quick answer.
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Ask them the one about the soldiers in
the thicket, Ashwood. Yes, sir.
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00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:51,250
Now then, Parkins, you're on patrol with
an officer and ten men when you see
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three Japanese soldiers entering a
thicket.
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00:06:54,070 --> 00:06:55,170
When do you open fire?
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00:06:56,010 --> 00:06:57,010
Uh...
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Take your time, lovely boy.
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00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:02,740
What is the answer, Edwin?
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00:07:04,420 --> 00:07:05,800
When you get the order. What?
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00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,700
When you get the order. Oh, yes, of
course, of course.
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You open fire when you get the...
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When you get the... Mind the point.
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We don't get the beer.
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Bit thick, sir.
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Complete idiot.
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00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:39,520
Not his fault. Probably comes from a
thick family.
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00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,460
I should think his father's as thick as
a post, wouldn't you, son?
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00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,480
Shut up.
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00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:12,860
Oh, Sergeant Major Saab, what a
wonderful city that Bombay is.
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00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,780
Find yourself a baby, did you?
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00:08:16,020 --> 00:08:17,320
Oh, no, Saab.
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00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:21,000
I slept all night outside your door at
Union Jack Club.
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00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:26,060
You know, Sergeant Major Saab, that was
the most beautiful door that I've ever
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slept against.
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00:08:27,020 --> 00:08:28,120
It's so comfortable.
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00:08:30,140 --> 00:08:32,960
Shut up and clear off!
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00:08:34,159 --> 00:08:37,260
You'd like to buy a copy of Lady
Chatterley's Lover, Sahib?
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00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:40,480
Completely unviaducted version.
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00:08:41,860 --> 00:08:42,860
Unviaducted version?
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00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:43,980
Oh, yes, Sahib.
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00:08:44,039 --> 00:08:45,940
Oh, yes. Under the bridge.
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00:08:46,180 --> 00:08:47,520
All the spicy bits.
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00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,240
Lefty. Shut up!
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Watch, voila!
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00:08:53,180 --> 00:08:55,360
Stop! Would you like to buy watch?
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00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,340
Real good! Shut up!
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00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,420
Leave this to me, Sergeant Major. Stop.
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00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,280
Sergeant Major Saab, he's only a very
low -caste fellow.
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00:09:10,780 --> 00:09:12,680
Besides, train only going slowly.
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00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:17,560
He is running a long line, shaking
fists.
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00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,420
Oh, what a shame.
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00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,000
He's left his watch behind.
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00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,580
Sergeant Major Saab, train coming into
station now.
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00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,540
Right, pull them shutters down, Bear. I
don't want any Luke Wallace nicking my
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00:09:29,540 --> 00:09:30,740
cat. Watch out, Saab.
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00:09:34,300 --> 00:09:35,300
Now.
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00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,360
these damn natives in their place.
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00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:11,120
Hello,
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00:10:18,860 --> 00:10:19,860
I know your face.
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00:10:21,140 --> 00:10:22,800
Right, we met last year in Calcutta.
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00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,300
Fancy bumping into you again.
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00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:25,520
Thought we still made a shot.
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00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:26,920
Lovely, Sergeant Major Williams.
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00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:28,600
Oh, so nice.
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00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:31,740
Old friends meeting on trains. Shut up!
You!
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00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:34,860
Move along the corridor and sit in the
next compartment.
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00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:36,220
Right, sir. Oh,
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00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:42,120
just one thing, Sergeant, may I disarm
you? No corridors on Indian trains.
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00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:43,440
Get out!
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00:10:43,540 --> 00:10:44,540
Sir.
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00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:49,760
Well, Mr. Williams, where do you
station?
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00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,360
Tulali, Mr. Sharp, next stop. Where do
you station?
185
00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:55,780
Well, I move about all over India,
giving men special drill.
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00:10:57,099 --> 00:11:00,360
Excuse me, Sergeant Major, sir. What do
you want? Next carriage is totally full.
187
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:01,520
May I come in, please?
188
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,040
No, you can't. Stay where you are.
189
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:09,240
You do a lot of drill, do you, Mr.
Sharp? Oh, it's my whole life, Mr.
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00:11:09,340 --> 00:11:10,420
I live for special drill.
191
00:11:11,060 --> 00:11:12,920
Anybody wants my special drill, they
send for me.
192
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:14,459
Oh, yes.
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00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:17,140
The Vice -Rise Bodyguard, C &C Special
Guard, I drill them all.
194
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:18,480
Don't drill any rubbish.
195
00:11:18,980 --> 00:11:20,380
Won't look at any man under six foot.
196
00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:22,340
Oh, I've got the gift for it.
197
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:24,300
I am what is known as a virtuoso.
198
00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:26,260
Do you know what the C &C called me?
199
00:11:26,780 --> 00:11:27,459
No idea.
200
00:11:27,460 --> 00:11:29,360
Do you hedge your iron men you in on the
playground?
201
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:32,520
Pretty good, eh?
202
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:33,499
Oh, I'm ready.
203
00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:34,660
What are your men like?
204
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:35,920
You getting off a doolally?
205
00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:37,680
No. My men are fantastic.
206
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,700
Scott, you've never seen nothing like it
in all your life.
207
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,280
All over six foot, tough soldiers, real
men.
208
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:48,920
It's not here much longer, I think I
shall faint.
209
00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:52,980
It's a damned disgrace, leaving us
standing out here in the boiling sun
210
00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,820
those officers are lounging around in
the shade.
211
00:11:55,450 --> 00:11:59,130
I take it you agree with my decision,
Ashford? Yes, I suppose so, sir. Under
212
00:11:59,130 --> 00:12:00,730
circumstances, I think I've made the
right choice.
213
00:12:01,230 --> 00:12:03,590
Don't you think we ought to wait till
the sergeant major gets back and consult
214
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,150
him? We don't want to make him cross.
215
00:12:05,530 --> 00:12:08,150
Look, I'm running this unit, Ashford,
not the sergeant major.
216
00:12:08,570 --> 00:12:10,110
Come on, let's go and break it to the
chaps.
217
00:12:11,650 --> 00:12:14,730
It's pretty I'm not getting off with
Dilali, Mr. Williams. I'd like to have
218
00:12:14,730 --> 00:12:15,730
a good look at your men.
219
00:12:15,830 --> 00:12:17,770
Believe me, he does not know what he was
missing.
220
00:12:19,050 --> 00:12:20,050
What's your insular like?
221
00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:23,830
My bombardier? He's a cracker. A real
man, if you ever saw one.
222
00:12:24,140 --> 00:12:29,500
And I'm pleased to say that the choice
of Bombardier is Gunner Beaumont.
223
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:37,340
I'm so happy I could cry.
224
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:43,040
Here are your stripes, Bombardier.
225
00:12:43,340 --> 00:12:44,500
Oh, thank you, sir.
226
00:12:45,020 --> 00:12:46,300
I shall wear them away.
227
00:12:52,140 --> 00:12:53,920
Something about a soldier.
228
00:12:54,380 --> 00:12:56,360
Something about a soldier.
229
00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:58,260
Something about a soldier.
230
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:05,800
Never have I seen Sergeant Major
Shutterstock in such a rage. He's blown
231
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:06,800
a bullfrog.
232
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:09,960
Inspector,
233
00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:21,480
I think you should have consulted me
before you promoted Beaumont to...
234
00:13:22,670 --> 00:13:23,670
What are your objections?
235
00:13:24,410 --> 00:13:25,410
He is a poof, sir.
236
00:13:28,270 --> 00:13:31,110
And you cannot have a bombardier poof.
237
00:13:33,210 --> 00:13:35,250
That is libel, Sergeant Major.
238
00:13:35,470 --> 00:13:37,530
He's just highly artistic and sensitive.
239
00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:40,610
We've got to have somebody who
understands show business.
240
00:13:40,930 --> 00:13:43,530
You must admit he makes a wonderful
ginger -oddness.
241
00:13:47,070 --> 00:13:51,930
The fact that a man poncies about on the
stage dressed as a tart does not...
242
00:13:51,950 --> 00:13:53,310
Qualify him for Bombardier, sir!
243
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,890
How dare you call Ginger Rogers a tart?
244
00:14:00,010 --> 00:14:01,650
She's my favourite film star.
245
00:14:03,150 --> 00:14:06,070
Watch your language, Sergeant Major, and
see who it is.
246
00:14:12,690 --> 00:14:15,710
What do you want?
247
00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:18,770
Could you please give the Colonel a
message?
248
00:14:19,890 --> 00:14:21,150
Could you tell him the...
249
00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:23,080
The little boy's ready to cut the rope.
250
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,160
What?
251
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,540
The little boy's ready to cut the rope.
252
00:14:34,420 --> 00:14:39,400
Gunner Bombardier Beaumont has asked me
to give you a message, sir.
253
00:14:39,660 --> 00:14:42,660
He says the little boy is ready to cut
the rope.
254
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,080
Oh, yes, of course, the Indian reptile.
255
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:46,840
We're going to audition a magician.
256
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,660
Beaumont has laid it on. If the magician
is any good, we might use him in one of
257
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:54,299
our shows.
258
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:55,360
Let's go and have a look, shall we?
259
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:57,580
You've got a prop there.
260
00:14:57,900 --> 00:14:58,960
There's life and life.
261
00:14:59,180 --> 00:15:00,440
You've got your band parts. Right.
262
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:02,560
OK, then. Good luck.
263
00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:04,320
You stand here, fellas.
264
00:15:04,740 --> 00:15:05,980
I wonder how they do it.
265
00:15:06,220 --> 00:15:07,540
Well, it's all auto -suggestion.
266
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:08,760
Math, hypnosis.
267
00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:13,320
A particulatory state resembling deep
sleep in which subjects act on external
268
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:14,320
suggestion.
269
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:18,060
He's going to make us think we're
watching the road trip, but we won't
270
00:15:18,060 --> 00:15:19,060
watching it at all.
271
00:15:19,790 --> 00:15:23,110
Oh, sir, would you be... You sit there,
sir.
272
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:24,790
And you sit there, sir.
273
00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:26,490
Don't touch me!
274
00:15:29,710 --> 00:15:31,030
Would you like a sweetie, sir?
275
00:15:31,650 --> 00:15:32,650
Angie,
276
00:15:34,750 --> 00:15:36,250
stand by to translate.
277
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:38,030
I'll stand up in it.
278
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:45,810
You are now going to see Indian rope
trickery.
279
00:15:45,870 --> 00:15:48,110
So please, to watch the magician,
please.
280
00:15:48,750 --> 00:15:49,750
Come on, come on, start singing.
281
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,430
The game is about to begin.
282
00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:31,580
Did they? What's this monkey skull?
283
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:33,480
What's the monkey skull?
284
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:38,660
What's the monkey skull?
285
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:40,680
What's the monkey skull?
286
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:43,320
What's the monkey skull?
287
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,400
Well, he's jolly well not going to
hypnotize me.
288
00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:12,000
He says that this rope will now rise
into the air.
289
00:17:14,079 --> 00:17:17,079
See, the rope is rising into the air.
290
00:17:17,460 --> 00:17:18,480
Look at that, sir.
291
00:17:18,900 --> 00:17:22,119
The rope is rising in the air without
visible means of support.
292
00:17:23,839 --> 00:17:24,839
Fantastic.
293
00:17:25,099 --> 00:17:28,180
If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes,
I'd never have believed it.
294
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,380
The rope's on the end of a pole.
295
00:17:36,910 --> 00:17:39,190
that this rope is now 20 foot in air.
296
00:17:40,290 --> 00:17:43,350
He say
297
00:17:43,350 --> 00:17:49,510
his boy will now climb this rope.
298
00:17:52,790 --> 00:17:58,610
You see, the boy is now climbing the
rope.
299
00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:03,430
That boy climbing that rope, sir.
300
00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:04,910
It's amazing.
301
00:18:05,870 --> 00:18:06,910
He's a paper boy.
302
00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:12,530
I don't care what he does in the
daytime. Shut up!
303
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:42,940
See, he is now climbing the rope, and he
reaches the boy, and he got...
304
00:19:09,740 --> 00:19:10,820
He's just climbed in the basket.
305
00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:19,220
It's a very good trick.
306
00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:13,210
the most wonderful experience.
307
00:20:14,870 --> 00:20:16,750
They'll never believe me when I tell
them in Swansea.
308
00:20:19,210 --> 00:20:21,490
Some explanation, but I saw it with my
own eyes.
309
00:20:21,890 --> 00:20:25,630
Sergeant Major Sharp, there are in India
many wondrous things that cannot be
310
00:20:25,630 --> 00:20:26,630
explained.
311
00:20:27,910 --> 00:20:28,910
Come in.
312
00:20:29,970 --> 00:20:33,470
Excuse me, Sergeant Major. I was in the
office earlier on, sir, and somebody
313
00:20:33,470 --> 00:20:36,690
phoned up for you, and as I couldn't
find you, sir, I took a message.
314
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:38,590
Good boy, very smart. Who was it?
315
00:20:39,230 --> 00:20:41,090
Company Sergeant Major Sharp, sir.
316
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:42,759
What do you want?
317
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:46,360
He said he was going back to Bombay
tomorrow, sir, and he's going to pop off
318
00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:47,700
stop here and see your wonderful men.
319
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:51,780
What?! I said I'm going to do an
audition for him, sir.
320
00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:54,680
You... All right, boy, you get out.
321
00:20:55,540 --> 00:20:56,800
Oh, Sergeant Major Sharp!
322
00:20:57,540 --> 00:20:58,560
Blimey, what to do?
323
00:20:58,780 --> 00:21:02,840
When Sergeant Major Sharp arrives with
all his terrible bull, he'll expect that
324
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:06,640
the old men are very smart and all six
foot tall. You told him so yourself.
325
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:07,640
up, I'm trying to think!
326
00:21:07,940 --> 00:21:10,220
Sergeant Major Sharp, perhaps if you
drill...
327
00:21:10,460 --> 00:21:14,040
the concert party all night. They would
then be smart in the morning. I could
328
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,920
drill them all day for all night for a
month and they still look like a rag bag
329
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:17,920
of poofs.
330
00:21:18,460 --> 00:21:20,740
If this gets out, I'll be the laughing
stock of India.
331
00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:25,020
Sergeant Major Sharp, Sergeant Major
Sharp, I have one small idea.
332
00:21:25,580 --> 00:21:31,400
Perhaps it might be possible for me to
arrange that when Sergeant Major Sharp
333
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,760
arrives, he does not see concert party.
334
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,000
How are you going to do that?
335
00:21:35,180 --> 00:21:37,040
In India, all things are possible.
336
00:21:37,420 --> 00:21:38,620
What are you going to do, murder him?
337
00:21:39,780 --> 00:21:45,200
Sergeant Major South, trust me, I
promise you, all will be well in the
338
00:21:45,820 --> 00:21:47,400
For a very small fee.
339
00:21:50,540 --> 00:21:54,500
Old Kent Road and goodbye, darling.
340
00:21:54,700 --> 00:21:58,940
Do you mean to tell us, Randy, that when
this company sergeant major arrives
341
00:21:58,940 --> 00:22:03,640
here, he expects to see us drilling like
guardsmen? Totally correct, sir. Oh,
342
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:04,940
he's going to get a bit of a shock.
343
00:22:08,810 --> 00:22:12,050
Old shut -up will never get us on
parade. He's far too ashamed.
344
00:22:12,370 --> 00:22:15,350
But I have promised Sergeant Major Sharp
to help him. How on earth are you going
345
00:22:15,350 --> 00:22:16,069
to do that?
346
00:22:16,070 --> 00:22:20,250
Sharp, when Sergeant Major Sharp
arrives, I have arranged for rope -trick
347
00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:25,370
magician to put him into trance so that
he will only see what we want him to
348
00:22:25,370 --> 00:22:29,250
see. Like last night, Sharp, when you
thought you saw boy climb rope.
349
00:22:29,670 --> 00:22:32,330
You mean hypnotize this other Sergeant
Major?
350
00:22:32,610 --> 00:22:35,910
Yes, Sharp. You'll never get away with
it. Magician very powerful, Sharp.
351
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,880
Sergeant Major Sharps, I will be totally
sterilised.
352
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,360
But it will be necessary to have all
your cooperation.
353
00:22:44,180 --> 00:22:47,000
Why should we help old shut -up, eh? He
hates her guts.
354
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,040
You can't kick a man when he's down.
355
00:22:49,260 --> 00:22:51,080
Sergeant Majors don't count. Right.
356
00:22:51,860 --> 00:22:52,980
What do you think, lawyer?
357
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:55,080
I think we should do it. Ah, rubbish.
358
00:22:55,420 --> 00:22:59,320
No. The drama of it appeals to my
theatrical sense.
359
00:23:10,540 --> 00:23:11,620
Where are you going to find that Star
Major Williams?
360
00:23:11,980 --> 00:23:13,340
In the battery office, sir.
361
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,400
Get that turd. All right, all right.
362
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:18,420
You! Straight up with your punk face.
Oh!
363
00:23:21,460 --> 00:23:22,780
What a terrible fellow.
364
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:27,180
Where is the Star Major Williams?
365
00:23:30,740 --> 00:23:31,740
Coming soon, sir.
366
00:23:32,220 --> 00:23:33,220
What's he doing here?
367
00:23:33,460 --> 00:23:38,460
Sergeant Major sir collects monkey nuts,
sir, and this is the nut of the monkey.
368
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:42,480
Sergeant Major.
369
00:23:42,740 --> 00:23:49,740
Watch the monkey skull,
370
00:23:49,900 --> 00:23:51,540
sir. Watch this monkey skull.
371
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:56,400
Watch the monkey skull, sir.
372
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:58,520
Watch the monkey skull.
373
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:01,200
Watch the monkey skull.
374
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,320
Watch the monkey skull.
375
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:05,400
Watch the monkey skull.
376
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:17,360
You will remember only what I tell you
now and nothing else.
377
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,340
Nod your head if you understand.
378
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,500
You will go out onto
379
00:24:22,500 --> 00:24:29,420
the parade ground
380
00:24:29,420 --> 00:24:33,400
and you will see the most magnificent
body of men you have ever seen in your
381
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,620
life. Nod your head if you understand.
382
00:24:44,350 --> 00:24:47,850
Their drill will be like what you get
outside Buckingham Palace.
383
00:24:48,710 --> 00:24:53,290
When magician snaps his fingers, you'll
remember only what you're told to
384
00:24:53,290 --> 00:24:55,370
remember. Nod your head if you
understand.
385
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:08,240
Good morning, Mr. Williams.
386
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,960
No need for you to come all this way
just to see my men?
387
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,880
Well, after what you told me about them
on the train, I had to see for myself.
388
00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:16,880
I tell a master a good drill, can't
resist it, can't resist it.
389
00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:20,140
All right, let's get on with it then.
After you, Mr. Sharp. Thank you.
390
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:23,160
Mr. Sharp.
391
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:30,300
Is this a better word?
392
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:35,680
It will, Sergeant Major Sharp. I swear
by my old school colors that you are...
393
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:36,840
Trying to strangle me, Liz.
394
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:36,960
It is necessary for them all to be on
their knees so that they all look the
395
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:40,780
height. And it will be necessary for you
also to go on your knees, Saab, to be
396
00:26:40,780 --> 00:26:41,780
at the same level.
397
00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:45,360
What about him?
398
00:26:45,420 --> 00:26:47,000
He will do as you do, Saab.
399
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:10,720
magnificent body of men.
400
00:27:11,140 --> 00:27:12,700
Do they drill as smart as they look?
401
00:28:17,610 --> 00:28:18,209
not interfere.
402
00:28:18,210 --> 00:28:19,410
Sergeant Major knows what he's doing.
403
00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:22,090
Time for a chit -pig, I think.
404
00:28:23,770 --> 00:28:26,070
Well, well. What a fine body of men.
405
00:28:26,290 --> 00:28:27,310
Must be all over six foot.
406
00:28:27,650 --> 00:28:28,650
This one.
407
00:28:28,730 --> 00:28:29,730
Real soldier.
408
00:28:29,810 --> 00:28:30,810
Tell us about the other.
409
00:28:32,670 --> 00:28:35,830
He must be... Well, I'm six foot one. I
have to look after him.
410
00:28:37,050 --> 00:28:38,590
He must be all over six foot four.
411
00:28:39,470 --> 00:28:40,470
Well done, lad.
412
00:28:41,670 --> 00:28:45,210
You know, there's an old Hindu proverb
which say...
413
00:28:45,710 --> 00:28:50,570
The deeper man wishes to rise to great
heights, he can do it just as easily on
414
00:28:50,570 --> 00:28:53,130
his knees as he's standing up.
415
00:29:37,110 --> 00:29:42,090
B -O -Y -S, boys, to entertain you!
32666
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