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1
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This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
2
00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,640
- Charlie! You've got your art show
today, haven't you?
- Yeah, 2pm today.
3
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:08,960
I'm so nervous.
4
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:10,000
You should come.
5
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,800
I'll be there.
6
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,800
I wouldn't miss it.
7
00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,880
CHARLIE CHUCKLES SOFTLY
8
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:18,560
Are you coming in?
9
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,720
OK.
10
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,720
JOSIE CHUCKLES SOFTLY
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00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:24,640
As artists, a question
we plague ourselves with is,
12
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:27,200
"Why me? Why now?
13
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,000
"Why am I here?
14
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,800
"And what gives me
the right to be here?"
15
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Not me.
16
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:35,200
DOOR OPENS
17
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:35,200
Where is she?!
18
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:36,800
I knew we'd find you in here!
19
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,400
You're not even a student!
20
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:41,880
Embarrassing.
21
00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:42,920
Up you get.
22
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:45,640
It's all right, everyone.
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00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:46,760
I'm her mother.
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JOSIE, MUFFLED: Sorry.
25
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,560
Get in the bloody car!
26
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,760
JOSIE WHIMPERS
27
00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:54,480
There we go. Right.
28
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:57,840
We're going to take the bag off now,
but you mustn't scream, OK?
29
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:05,520
What's happening?
30
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,080
This is the happiest day
of your life, Josie.
31
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,960
You did this to me before -
when you picked me up from school
32
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:20,600
and said we were going
for a catch-up in Costa,
33
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:22,200
but instead you dropped me at
the dentist and I had to get
34
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,240
five teeth removed.
35
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,440
What was I supposed to do?
You had too many teeth.
36
00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:26,880
You knew this day was coming.
37
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:27,960
We did tell you.
38
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:29,920
It's been in the calendar
for months.
39
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,840
Fucking hell,
that does sound familiar.
40
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,080
Aw. I see you've inherited
your mother's gift
41
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:35,280
for blocking things out.
42
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:38,880
- Really?
- It's more of a cream.
43
00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:40,640
I checked with the maid of honour -
she says it's fine.
44
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,080
The maid of honour is you.
45
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,400
And she's got great taste.
46
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,080
So has the mother of the bride.
47
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,080
THEY SQUEAL
48
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:48,160
It's all happening.
49
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:51,040
I've got Hector, my new car,
you've got a new man
50
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:52,800
and Josie's getting married.
51
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,200
I'm going to have a panic attack.
52
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,240
Oh, what a shock.
53
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,800
Honestly, we all said
this would happen.
54
00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:58,960
What?
55
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,480
Trust you to make this whole day
about yourself.
56
00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,800
For once in your life, Josie,
this isn't actually about you.
57
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:05,920
Who IS it about, then?
58
00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:07,560
Dev, obviously.
59
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,440
This wedding is
all he's talked about,
60
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,840
and it is extremely important
for him to see us
61
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,920
as the sort of women
men marry into,
62
00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:15,960
instead of avoiding in Morrisons.
63
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,360
But I don't want to get married.
64
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,680
Bridezilla alert.
65
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,320
You are getting married today
and that is final.
66
00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:23,440
If you don't like it,
you can block it out later,
67
00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:24,800
like I did with your father.
68
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:28,280
Remember the family crest -
ignore, repress, forget.
69
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:30,840
Eight months pregnant
and I couldn't even have a drink.
70
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,640
That's another wedding you ruined.
71
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:34,720
- Sorry.
- Yeah, you should be.
72
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,960
Now shut up,
have some prosecco
73
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,040
and try not to poison this wedding
74
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,040
with your personality.
75
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,680
It's going to be a magical day.
76
00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,840
It's going to be a magical day.
77
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,600
Really? Do you think so?
78
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:48,720
Promise?
79
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,360
Sorry, I'm a bit on edge.
80
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,360
SEB CHUCKLES
81
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:53,720
Do you mind if I take my socks off?
82
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,240
I get hot feet when I'm nervous.
83
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,480
I think keep them on for now.
84
00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,400
Yeah, OK.
85
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,120
I just need today to go well.
86
00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,920
I've been working so hard
to pay for this perfect venue
87
00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:05,560
fit for a princess and...
88
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,840
They don't tell you,
but weddings are really expensive.
89
00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:10,040
Must be one of those
90
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,400
industry secrets or something.
91
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,400
SEB CHUCKLES
92
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,840
Thankfully, my work clothes
double as a wedding suit.
93
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:18,400
Hmm. Maybe I could stand behind you.
94
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:21,360
I'm so tired I could have
a breakdown right here.
95
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,280
But I can't let Josie down.
96
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:26,040
I know she's dreamed of this day
ever since she was a little girl.
97
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,920
I'd love to see her face right now.
98
00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:30,400
But we can't see each other yet
because that's bad luck.
99
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,720
You two don't need luck.
You're soulmates.
100
00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:34,400
The real shame is I can't
see my own face
101
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,280
when I see her in the dress.
102
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,280
DEV CHUCKLES
103
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,160
But they say marriage
is about compromise.
104
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,200
DEV LAUGHS
105
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:43,640
I wanted to ask you
something, but...
106
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,440
..I don't know how you'll react.
107
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:48,840
OK. Hit me.
108
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,000
Will you...?
109
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,600
{\an8}Sorry, I feel like I should be down
on one knee for this or something.
110
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:56,640
No.
111
00:03:58,040 --> 00:03:59,960
Will you be my best man?
112
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,360
Good sir,
113
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,360
it would be my life's greatest
and most treasured honour.
114
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:15,280
Also, I assumed I already was
cos the wedding's in 40 minutes.
115
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:16,640
Quick stag do?
116
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,480
Right, yeah. Let's get crazy.
117
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:21,960
Um, shag, marry, kill -
Billie, Deb, Josie.
118
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:28,360
Don't you want to be
a kept woman, Josie?
119
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:29,440
No, thank you.
120
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,520
Well, you won't know you like it
until you've tried it.
121
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:32,960
There's nothing worse
than being single.
122
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,160
That's why I invited your
Auntie Wendy.
123
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,840
The pathetic spinster
of Christmas future.
124
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:39,280
I heard she gets
a smear test every week
125
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,000
just so someone has to
look at her vagina.
126
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,560
That haggard old crone is here
to serve as a warning to you -
127
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,440
better dead than single.
128
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,040
- You like?
- You're here early.
129
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,000
Yeah, well, Mike used to
book all my travel,
130
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,200
but now I can take the train
any time I like.
131
00:04:58,200 --> 00:04:59,520
Pure freedom.
132
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:00,800
Sounds lonely.
133
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,480
Call me lonely if you like,
134
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,760
but I'd choose that over
an admin headache any day.
135
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:09,440
Hey, Billie, you and me,
the singles table, eh?
136
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:11,280
Letting our hair down.
137
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,080
All the single ladies.
138
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,120
I have a boyfriend.
139
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,520
Are you using condoms with this one
or will we be adding any more
140
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,200
of your offspring to
the big nursery in the sky?
141
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,800
We're not having sex, actually.
142
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,400
He respects me too much.
143
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,240
We get really close and then
he kisses me on the cheek
144
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,840
and asks me to get out of his car.
145
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,320
Such a gentleman.
146
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,880
I'm still sucking him off, though.
147
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:29,240
That doesn't mean anything.
148
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,720
It's not a relationship
unless you're having sex.
149
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,120
And if he's not having sex with you,
150
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,720
then he's definitely having sex
with someone else.
151
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:40,600
Honestly, all this sexual politics
sounds so exhausting.
152
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,320
That's why I'm single.
153
00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,080
- Never been happier.
- Hmm.
154
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,480
You don't see a Pride march
for us, do you?
155
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,840
Yeah. I suspect you'd struggle
for numbers.
156
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:51,240
Just those selfish gays.
157
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:55,640
Weird, Josie, I always thought you
might be a little bit of a lesbian.
158
00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,760
Yeah, me too.
159
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,640
I can't prank call them.
That's my job.
160
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:04,040
Come on!
161
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,560
It's your stag do.
It's going to be so funny.
162
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,240
RINGING TONE
163
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,480
Hello, Barfoot's Casino.
164
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,240
Hello.
165
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,120
I just wanted to say,
166
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,120
I think your casino stinks.
167
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:16,880
Seriously, I mean it.
168
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:19,400
I hate it and everyone in it.
169
00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,360
All right, it's very funny.
Put the phone down now.
170
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:23,080
I have a bolt-action sniper rifle
171
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:24,800
and I'm going to shoot everyone.
172
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,480
I'm not kidding.
I'm really going to fucking do it.
173
00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:30,520
Dave behind the desk,
George the cleaner - everyone.
174
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:33,080
I've got blueprints to the building
and keys to the entrance.
175
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,960
All right, that's enough.
176
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,960
SEB LAUGHS
177
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,160
Absolutely hilarious.
178
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,160
What other laddy things
should we do?
179
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,640
- Prank the girls? Get a stripper?
- THEY CHUCKLE
180
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,680
Maybe I'll just
jump off the building.
181
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,120
SEB CACKLES
182
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:50,360
Sorry.
183
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,320
I'm very tired.
184
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,760
I think work is getting to me a bit.
185
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,120
Working double shifts
to pay for this wedding.
186
00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,040
But she only wants the best.
187
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,120
No. Girls aren't like that.
188
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,160
Trust me.
189
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,040
Deb never even mentions weddings.
190
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,400
They're not materialistic.
191
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,200
Josie loves you for you.
192
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,200
For richer or poorer.
193
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:11,720
Wow.
194
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,880
That's great. Maybe I should
put that in my vows.
195
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,200
I think it might already be in there.
196
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:18,320
Oh, my God. You're right.
197
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:19,760
You really ARE the best man.
198
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:32,440
Fucking hell!
If you're not going to cooperate,
199
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,600
you're going to walk down the aisle
with a fucking tit out!
200
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:35,720
BILLIE SIGHS
201
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:36,760
PHONE BUZZES
202
00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:42,200
Well, you have to get married now
cos Graham's coming.
203
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:43,240
I'm going to have sex with him.
204
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,840
So snap the fuck out of it.
205
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,320
JOSIE GASPS
206
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:47,880
BREATHES RAGGEDLY
207
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,080
Sorry. Here I am.
208
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,000
Mum said it's not a relationship
if we're not having sex,
209
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,720
and I refuse to be Wendy.
210
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,920
Mum says she only shaves one leg
so when she sleeps on her side
211
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,680
she can pretend
a man is spooning her.
212
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,240
I have to fuck Graham.
213
00:07:58,240 --> 00:07:59,520
But where are you going to do it?
214
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:00,640
Your honeymoon room.
215
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:01,800
On my wedding day?
216
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,920
Someone should have
sex in there, Josie.
217
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,360
Why are you so desperate
to leave, anyway?
218
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,960
Because I've got
a girlfriend - Charlie.
219
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,400
She's got an art show at two
and I promised I'd be there.
220
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:11,960
She's definitely the one this time.
221
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,200
If you want to go, then just go,
222
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:14,800
but I personally don't think
you have it in you.
223
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,360
I'm different now -
stronger and braver.
224
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,720
I'm not going to let everyone
push me around this time.
225
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,320
What are you going to do?
226
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:23,840
I'm going to run away.
227
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:28,600
Wow, isn't that
a handsome young man?
228
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,800
WENDY CHUCKLES
229
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,440
Last day of freedom, eh? Oof!
230
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,840
I don't envy you on that one.
I love it.
231
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,000
Oh, no booze for me, thanks.
I'm off it.
232
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,960
Never felt better. Much clearer
head now to enjoy my own company.
233
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,160
Are we starting soon?
I've got a smear test at 12.
234
00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:46,480
SEB CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
235
00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,040
How's it all going in there?
236
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,600
Bet Josie's sick of all this
princess treatment by now.
237
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,680
Absolutely not. The opposite.
238
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:57,760
Josie seems very excited
about being a kept woman.
239
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,560
Obsessed, even.
240
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,560
WENDY CHUCKLES SOFTLY
241
00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:02,160
It's all they're talking about
in there.
242
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,640
Not for me, thanks.
243
00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:06,960
Well...d-don't you worry.
244
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,160
You can take my word
as a solemn promise -
245
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,680
Josie is going to be
the most kept woman in England.
246
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,920
I'm a working man.
247
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,920
PHONE BUZZES
248
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,920
Sorry. I've got to take this.
249
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:19,960
My boss.
250
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:19,960
SEB CHUCKLES
251
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,000
Hello?
252
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,520
Now, uh, Deb,
when I give Josie away,
253
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:25,840
which way should I walk?
254
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,880
Uh...probably straight down, yeah?
255
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,000
Right. Yes.
256
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:36,160
Sorry. Straight down. Obviously.
257
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,080
Will you help me practise?
258
00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:40,640
I'd love to.
259
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,840
THEY CHUCKLE
260
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,040
Looks a bit like you and I
are getting married, doesn't it?
261
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,160
THEY CHUCKLE
262
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,160
Imagine.
263
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,960
Weddings can cause
such big feelings, can't they?
264
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,760
So romantic.
265
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,640
Does it make you think
about anything?
266
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,760
Like the future?
267
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,560
Hmm. Yeah.
268
00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:09,960
It makes me think maybe
269
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:13,320
I couldn't get married.
270
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:14,640
Wouldn't want to.
271
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,440
It's all too raw
for me and Lisa.
272
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,120
I don't know if I could
do that to myself,
273
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:22,960
but...you've always been
so understanding of that, Deb,
274
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:25,040
because you're so sensitive.
275
00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:33,240
DEV MOANS SOFTLY
276
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,400
DEV CONTINUES MOANING
277
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,240
Fired?
278
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,440
No. It was my stag do.
279
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,320
The groom is supposed to be
a massive laugh.
280
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:49,280
You can't do this.
I'm your best croupier.
281
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,000
It's my wedding day!
282
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,360
What? Effective immediately?
283
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,000
Oh, God.
284
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,000
ENGINE STARTS
285
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,000
Um, Josie, I don't know what
you think you just heard,
286
00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,480
but it's not what you think.
287
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:02,000
Josie! No! No!
288
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:04,680
It's locked, Seb.
289
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,160
We're not supposed
to see each other!
290
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:10,120
Gah!
291
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:10,120
THUD
292
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,560
SEB GRUNTS
293
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:15,080
What are you doing? Seb, please.
294
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,920
- Seb, I can't see.
- It's bad luck
on our wedding day.
295
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,320
SEB GRUNTS
296
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:24,080
Ah, my vows, my vows! My vows.
297
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:28,480
Oh. Please don't run away.
298
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:28,480
SEB PANTS
299
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,120
E-Everything is fine.
300
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:34,760
In fact, I've just been promoted,
effective immediately.
301
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:36,440
You will be a kept woman, I promise.
302
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:37,880
I don't want to be a kept woman!
303
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,240
Oh, you don't need to put on
an act for me. I know my wife.
304
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,640
Oh, I'm so sad
I can't see my own face right now.
305
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:51,720
That's funny.
306
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,200
I thought seeing each other on
our wedding day would be bad luck.
307
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:59,000
SEB CHUCKLES
308
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:59,000
Right.
309
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,320
Let's get married.
310
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,440
Get off!
311
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:02,480
SEB BELLOWS
312
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,240
DOOR OPENS
313
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:11,480
Change your mind?
314
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,200
I totalled it. Hector's dead.
315
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,600
Should we even bother
with the wedding
316
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,320
or just go straight to your funeral?
317
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,600
I think I lost a tooth.
318
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,480
The dentist did say
you had too many.
319
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,880
I'm supposed to be admiring
Charlie's pottery in two hours.
320
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:25,040
You know, the more you resist
your fate, the longer it will take.
321
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,080
What do you mean?
322
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,800
Well, it's 12 now -
you could be out the door by one
323
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,120
if you stop being
such a fucking bridezilla.
324
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,800
Yeah.
325
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,120
Yeah, it's just two words, isn't it?
326
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,360
Totally. You'll be scissoring
next to ceramics by two.
327
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:36,960
"I do." How long did that take me?
328
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,120
Tight vows, dry kiss, Bob's
your uncle, Seb's your husband.
329
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,360
- Over and done with, married forever.
- Till death do you part.
330
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,560
- Ooh.
- Yeah. Best not to think
about that bit.
331
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,920
Right. Where the fuck's Graham?
332
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,360
Why haven't you had sex with him?
333
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:50,600
Don't know.
334
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:51,800
He's a gentleman.
335
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:54,800
He's really mature for his age,
a grown-up man.
336
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,000
BILLIE GASPS
337
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,000
There he is!
338
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,400
My man.
339
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,400
Primed and ready to be carved.
340
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,240
Fucking hell, Billie, how old is he?
341
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,320
Not sure.
342
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,960
So hard to tell with older men,
isn't it?
343
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:09,160
I think he's probably like...70,
344
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,120
but he could be a 50-year-old
that's really tired.
345
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:12,560
Oh, my God.
Do you even fancy him?
346
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,200
I fancy how lucky he must feel.
347
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,920
I fancy how I must look
through his bifocals.
348
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,120
He can't believe his luck.
349
00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,360
I'm fresh pussy, hot from the oven.
350
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:20,920
This is disgusting.
351
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:22,640
Love is love, Josie.
352
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,520
He's honestly
so grateful to be with me,
353
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,680
it's like he's a competition winner
and the prize is me.
354
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:30,520
Right, wish me luck. I'm off to pop
this old man's cherry.
355
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,160
Ugh.
356
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,280
You didn't hide your number?
357
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,320
I didn't think I had to.
I used a silly voice.
358
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:37,920
All right, now, Josie
loves you for you.
359
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,640
She doesn't care
that you've lost your job.
360
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:40,920
She tried to run away.
361
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,480
She's nervous, like you.
362
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,560
Remember, for richer or poorer.
363
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:47,040
What's that now?
What's happened to your face?
364
00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:48,560
Oh, Deb, just in time.
365
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,280
A slight case of
wedding nerves here.
366
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,880
Oh, darling, there's
absolutely no reason to be nervous.
367
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,280
You've got your job,
you've got your life together -
368
00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,320
you're providing, and that is enough.
369
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,440
But also, Seb, remember,
370
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,280
for richer or poorer.
371
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,080
Yeah, I did try and
get that bit taken out,
372
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,720
but apparently it's pretty standard.
373
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,440
{\an8}I need to take my socks off,
374
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,080
{\an8}right fucking now.
375
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:17,440
Shall I lock the door
or just...leave it open?
376
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,920
What the hell -
377
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,920
maybe that's part of it.
378
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:20,200
GRAHAM CHUCKLES
379
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,600
No, I better lock it.
380
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,680
- LOCK CLICKS
- You must be so turned on by this.
381
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,160
BILLIE LAUGHS BREATHILY
382
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,160
Oh, you like that?
383
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:27,680
You like my little young tit?
384
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,040
- Oh, God, you're obsessed with me.
- GRAHAM EXHALES
385
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,960
Whoa, Nelly!
What are you doing there?
386
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,880
I thought we could take things
to the next level.
387
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,040
You and me - sex.
388
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,080
I know my youthful body
must be really intimidating
389
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,240
and there's a lot of pressure
390
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:40,680
on getting everything
you've ever wanted,
391
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,320
but it's time to step up.
392
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:43,640
- I don't know.
- Take your pants off.
393
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,080
- I'd rather not.
- Take them off.
394
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:47,560
- No.
- It's OK if you're a virgin.
395
00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,360
I'm not a virgin.
396
00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:50,600
So there's someone else?
397
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,640
Yes. I-I'm married.
398
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,400
- Like, seriously?
- Seriously. I did tell you.
399
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,800
I thought you were just saying that,
like me saying I'm 15.
400
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,600
Sorry.
401
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,720
So, is she at least ugly?
402
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:05,360
And old? And stupid?
403
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,040
She's a neurosurgeon.
404
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,800
Fuck. An ugly, old neurosurgeon.
405
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:13,240
And that's why you won't fuck me?
406
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,960
I-I'll be honest.
407
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,720
I'm not the kind of man
that has an affair.
408
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,120
This isn't me. It's just...
409
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,760
..I'm underappreciated,
stuck at home doing the chores,
410
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:23,440
and all so that she
can focus on her career.
411
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:26,520
She has no idea how exhausting
that is for me.
412
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,200
I can't believe it.
413
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,760
You're married.
414
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,040
I'm not your sloppy seconds -
415
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,760
I'm the whole fucking buffet!
416
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:37,000
I-It's locked.
417
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:42,800
Phew!
418
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,080
Glad this isn't me. Oh, yes, sir.
419
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,040
WENDY CHUCKLES
420
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,520
I've never been happier
since becoming self-partnered.
421
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,840
Well, I still want to get married.
422
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,360
I don't know how
you haven't been put off,
423
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:55,680
given what happened
with the last one.
424
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,320
Dev's different.
He's not going to leave me.
425
00:15:58,320 --> 00:15:59,480
I'm going to marry him.
426
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,080
Oh, he's asked you, has he?
427
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,800
Not yet, but it's coming.
428
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,760
Just this morning, he was saying
how much he wanted to.
429
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,800
Yeah, well,
that's what they all say.
430
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,160
You need to stop relying on men.
431
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:13,400
They only let you down.
432
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,480
Dev is a wonderful, brave,
reliable man.
433
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,760
And he's going to step up.
You'll see.
434
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,840
Deb, I've lost Seb.
435
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,600
- You've what?
- Yeah, I've lost him.
436
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:27,160
No, you haven't.
437
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,120
Well, I-I think he just got
a bit nervous.
438
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,120
And, well, one minute we were
having the stag do of our lives
439
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,560
and then, the next thing
I know, he's gone.
440
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,320
You haven't lost him.
You're going to go and find him,
441
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:40,120
and you're not going to come back
until you've got him.
442
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,920
Absolutely, got you.
443
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,040
I haven't lost him.
444
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:58,000
- You look radiant.
- Really?
445
00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,560
I've lost a tooth.
446
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,040
Well, you've got plenty more.
447
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,880
OK, well, let's get this show
on the road!
448
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,880
I'm going to break this
to you gently, as only a mother can.
449
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:11,360
We've lost Seb. He's legged it.
450
00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:13,560
I suspect the reality of
spending forever with you
451
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:15,000
has hit him like a sledgehammer.
452
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,760
Oh, no. What a shame.
453
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,600
Guess the wedding's off.
See ya.
454
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,000
No, listen. You need to marry him.
455
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,680
Why? Why is it so important
that I get married?
456
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,680
Don't I deserve to get married
for love?
457
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,680
Don't make me laugh, Josie.
458
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,160
If I wanted an ab workout,
459
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,600
I'd have asked for another
free trial session at David Lloyd.
460
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,320
We need to prove
we're women men marry into.
461
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,720
We need Dev's massive house, OK?
462
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,200
So it's all about the money, is it?
463
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,280
Yes. I've spent
the last of our savings.
464
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:42,400
On what?
465
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,800
Hector, my pride and joy outside.
466
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,840
This family needs a car.
467
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:49,160
You try coming home with
the weekly shop dangling
468
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,000
from the handlebars
of Billie's scooter.
469
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,200
Honestly, things are
pretty dire, Josie.
470
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,120
Hector is the one thing holding
my life together at the moment.
471
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,920
He's our saving grace, a miracle.
472
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,920
- Well, we'd better go find Seb, then.
- Good girl.
473
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,680
What are you up to
out here, then, mate?
474
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:07,600
You want to come back inside?
475
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:08,880
I've got cold feet!
476
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,840
Well, put your socks back on!
477
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,720
I'm so ashamed.
478
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,920
She's a princess who
deserves a prince.
479
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,840
I'm just a pathetic worm
who can't even provide for her.
480
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,240
You'll get another job.
481
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,200
Those women in there need us!
482
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,160
They are delicate angels
483
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:26,560
and we cannot break
their fragile little hearts!
484
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:29,800
Seb, get back inside, now!
485
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:33,480
You're getting married
in ten fucking minutes!
486
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,600
Look at that face!
487
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,160
Open your eyes!
Are you going to keep her waiting?!
488
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,480
She's your soulmate!
489
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,920
Josie, my angel...
490
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,400
..I've been lying to you!
491
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,960
I haven't been promoted,
effective immediately -
492
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,400
I was fired in disgrace.
493
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,480
And I know how much you want
to be a kept woman!
494
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,160
I don't want to be a kept woman!
495
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,960
Yes, she bloody does!
496
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,840
Trust me, I don't!
Just get back inside, Seb!
497
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,360
Do you promise to love me
in sickness and in health?
498
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:05,160
- Save it for the altar!
- For richer or for poorer?!
499
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,240
Richer, please.
500
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,160
Say you love me.
501
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:09,440
I love you.
502
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,800
And I'm the best sex you've ever had.
503
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,200
You're the best sex I've ever had.
504
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,960
I knew you'd understand, baby.
505
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,080
We don't need money
when we've got each other.
506
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,840
We don't need anything!
507
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,720
Or I could get you
an interview at my work.
508
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,160
I think they're hiring.
509
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,800
Yep. OK, well, I'll do that!
510
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,960
My princess shall have her prince!
511
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:43,960
Sorry, everyone!
512
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:52,240
- Here I am. DEB:
- Aw.
513
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:52,240
SEB CHUCKLES
514
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,320
Just got a bit scared.
515
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,680
Gosh, weddings are quite stressful,
aren't they?
516
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,440
- That's another industry secret they
don't tell you about. JOSIE:
- Mm-hm.
517
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,280
Seb, darling, it IS scary.
518
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:05,680
But we can't let scary things
stop us from doing what's right.
519
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,840
Getting married is
the bravest thing you can do.
520
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:09,920
Deb, you are so poetic...
521
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,720
Right, shut the fuck up, everyone!
522
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,960
Wedding's back on in five minutes.
523
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,080
Right, I'd better get in position.
524
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:19,440
Josie, I'd just like to say
I've never felt so excited
525
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:20,840
to give someone away.
526
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:23,800
Uh, Deb, would you give me away?
527
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,920
Oh, darling,
boys don't get given away.
528
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,760
Oh. That is...it's very sexist.
529
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,600
I'll do it.
530
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,840
Deb, you know your daughter
better than anyone,
531
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:37,040
it should be you that gives
her away.
532
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:39,840
It's all I've ever wanted to do
since she was born.
533
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:44,920
It's over.
534
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:46,520
He's married.
535
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,000
I'm not ready to be single.
536
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,600
Well, I love being single.
537
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,480
Honestly, being cheated on
was the best thing
538
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,160
that ever happened to me.
539
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,320
It's made me realise my true path.
540
00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:01,400
I'm actually really grateful
to him, and her, for doing it.
541
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,760
If I saw her, I'd say, "Thank you.
542
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,760
"Thank you for
giving me my life back."
543
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,840
- Really?
- Absolutely.
544
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,760
I'm doing so much more stuff now.
545
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,360
I've got my routine.
546
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:15,840
I'm listening to podcasts
all the time,
547
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,560
I'm cooking more,
I go to the gym every day.
548
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,840
I've actually packed so much in
549
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,040
I barely notice I'm by myself.
550
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,840
I am so happy.
551
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:30,000
Wow. Thank you.
552
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,000
- You're so inspiring.
- Oh, really?
553
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,640
Yep.
554
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,640
WENDY CHUCKLES
555
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,560
I'm going to go get my man
before it's too late.
556
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,960
You know, it's weird.
557
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,480
Josie usually does all those things
when she's really, really depressed.
558
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,840
Yes, I'm sorry.
559
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:51,080
I'll be home soon.
560
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:52,360
So sorry.
561
00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:54,000
Took all day to get
the good fabric softener.
562
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,640
Had to go to big Tesco.
563
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,640
GRAHAM CHUCKLES
564
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,040
Please don't be angry.
565
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:00,000
Graham, wait. Don't go.
566
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:03,040
I've decided. You're a neglected
old house husband
567
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:04,680
and it's time to get yours.
568
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,000
Are you a man or are you
a frigid little loser
569
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,400
with a little limp dick?
570
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:10,520
I-I'm a man.
571
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,760
Exactly. You owe this to yourself.
572
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,400
Take back what you deserve.
573
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,000
You've been castrated by
an ugly old neurosurgeon,
574
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,000
but not any more. We're doing this.
575
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,240
We're having a fucking affair.
576
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,640
Yes. Yes, you're right.
577
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,440
- Ask me, then.
- Ask you what?
578
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,240
Get down on one knee and ask me
to be the other woman.
579
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:34,520
Billie, will you...?
580
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:37,800
Will you be my mistress?
581
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,880
Honestly, your wife is
going to be so grateful for this.
582
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,120
Deb, I've been thinking
about what you said.
583
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,040
Marriage IS scary.
584
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:53,160
We both lost someone,
but then we both found someone,
585
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:54,880
and that should be celebrated.
586
00:22:54,880 --> 00:23:00,120
So...I think marriage IS something
I might be open to - at some point.
587
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:01,960
What, like right now?
588
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,160
- Well...
- Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God!
589
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,520
DEB GIGGLES
590
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,520
OK, then!
591
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,200
DEB MOANS
592
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:12,880
You're right. The bravest thing
you can do
593
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:14,320
is marry into this family.
594
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:15,880
You're so romantic.
595
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:19,920
I think Lisa's looking down on us
and smiling right now.
596
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,800
Do you think Spencer's
smiling up there, too?
597
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,320
He's fucking thrilled.
598
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,120
I said yes, by the way.
599
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:31,040
I said yes to being a mistress.
600
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,280
I'm so proud of you.
601
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,720
We've nailed this. We're on time.
You're going to get married
602
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,720
and then go to your
secret girlfriend's art show.
603
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,560
And you're going to be the sexy
other woman to an elderly man.
604
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,040
BILLIE EXHALES
605
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,040
What's hotter than being
606
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,000
his woman? Being the other woman.
607
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,720
It's great cos you're
not the one getting cheated on.
608
00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:48,280
There's nothing wrong
with having an affair, right?
609
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:53,520
I honestly think it might be
the most feminist thing you can do.
610
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,880
You know, 50% of marriages
end in divorce.
611
00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:58,800
I like those odds.
612
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,240
She's beautiful, isn't she?
613
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,800
What, Josie?
614
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,960
No. Deb.
615
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:11,880
It all fades, you know.
616
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,920
Love dies.
617
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,480
Marriages don't last.
618
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:16,680
That's not true.
619
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,440
All this time,
I thought I was happy,
620
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,080
but I just realised...
621
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,600
..I got that wrong
and I'm miserable.
622
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,440
All the men in this family leave us.
623
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,920
Bet you'll do a runner, too,
just like her father.
624
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,120
Well, that doesn't feel very fair.
625
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:31,040
Spencer passed away.
626
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:32,760
What?
627
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,400
No, he's not dead.
628
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,400
WENDY SCOFFS
629
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:36,960
They just wish he was.
630
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:39,800
Took one look at a future
with them and ran for the hills.
631
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,000
And he was right to.
632
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,680
This family are unlovable.
633
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:44,840
Terminal spinsters, the lot of us.
634
00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:52,440
Unless you'd like to go
for a drink sometime.
635
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,000
No?
636
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:57,280
Right. Well...
637
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,600
..I suppose that proves my point.
638
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,200
Great turnout.
639
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,200
SEB CHUCKLES
640
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:09,240
We're so lucky.
641
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,640
It's your turn next, I promise.
642
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,120
And thanks for the job.
643
00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:14,760
I almost feel sorry for the casino.
644
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:16,800
They've just lost
the best croupier in Crawley.
645
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,480
Hmm.
646
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,560
Oh, these are in the wrong order.
647
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:22,360
Good thing I know how to shuffle.
648
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:26,440
SEB GRUNTS
649
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:27,680
SEB MUTTERS
650
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,600
- It's a bit big.
- Yeah, well, that's not my fault.
651
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:33,720
You were a big baby.
652
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,920
DEB EXHALES
653
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,920
I am so proud of you.
654
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,360
I have never been so happy.
655
00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:41,000
- Really?
- Yep.
656
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,920
Excellent. In which case,
Hector's dead.
657
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,360
Floored him into a lamppost.
Absolutely fucked.
658
00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:48,520
Complete write-off. Rest in peace.
BRIDAL CHORUS STARTS
659
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,520
Let's go have the happiest day
of our lives, shall we?
47277
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