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1
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,719
You call that a guitar face?
2
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:12,429
This is a guitar face.
3
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:17,684
Look at my mouth, see?
Look at my lips.
4
00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:20,520
Jenny! Jenny!
Travis is in town!
5
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:22,856
Oh, my Lord, that wandering smokeshow?
6
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:24,065
Who the heck is Travis?
7
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:25,650
Wayne's best friend growing up.
8
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:28,528
He and Wayne have a lot of fun,
maybe too much fun.
9
00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:30,363
Yeah, he's all about the moment, and...
10
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:31,656
and positivity,
11
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,199
and-and he doesn't let negativity in.
12
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:36,119
That's the thing. And that's why
he doesn't have any problems.
13
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:37,829
I'm sorry.
Why is this the first time
14
00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:39,622
I'm hearing about this magical Fonzie?
15
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,041
Where has he been all of my life?
16
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,500
Where hasn't he been?
17
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,461
Flying guided helicopter tours
18
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:46,338
into Hawaiian volcanos...
19
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:48,340
doing flash mobs in the Maldives...
20
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,050
conquering Hollywood.
21
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,135
He's not doing any of that.
22
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:55,221
Oh, so he's just a screwup
who bounces from thing to thing?
23
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,390
Um, would you call a guy
24
00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:59,476
who was on a Hollywood
reality matchmaking show
25
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,644
where Courtney Love
chooses from 30 eligible bachelors
26
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,063
"a screwup"?
27
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:07,359
Bromeo!
28
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,110
Wherefore art thou, Bromeo?
29
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:19,037
-You! You! You're the man.
-No, man. It's you, man! All you!
30
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,622
So much punching.
-No, you. You are the man.
31
00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:23,416
Do they love each other
or hate each other?
32
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,198
This guy!
This guy!
33
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,658
-This guy!
-This guy!
34
00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:58,785
This guy!
35
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:01,621
Okay, that's a solid half hour
of "this guys."
36
00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:04,082
Should we move
into the telling of old stories?
37
00:02:04,165 --> 00:02:05,750
Ooh, I got one.
38
00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:08,086
I was taking
a final exam, when suddenly...
39
00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:11,256
Scuse me.
40
00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:12,841
I have a note from the office.
41
00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:14,217
Wayne Edwards.
42
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:15,677
Your Uncle Penis is in the hospital.
43
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,057
That was a great day.
44
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,143
I mean, crappy summer
'cause I had to retake Spanish,
45
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:25,020
but great... day.
46
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,521
Travis does what he wants,
47
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:27,856
Wayne gets caught up in the excitement,
48
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,607
and then immediately gets punished for it.
49
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,401
Oh, remember that one time we went on
50
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:34,279
that freakin' amazing
spontaneous trip down the coast?
51
00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:36,364
Oh, yeah, that trip was not amazing.
52
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:38,950
Jenny! This is goodbye.
53
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,744
-What?
-Travis made out with a girl
54
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,495
whose boyfriend is an MMA fighter.
55
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:43,872
He's in grave danger.
56
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:45,123
I got to help him bug out!
57
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:46,499
I'm sorry, Jenny!
58
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:47,876
But you know I make instantaneous,
59
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,753
undeniable bonds with women.
60
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,426
We got to pull over and cover our tracks!
61
00:02:58,094 --> 00:03:00,221
Over here, y'all! Kill that guy!
62
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,349
Oh, crap. He brought friends.
63
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,934
Where the hell did they go?
64
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,227
Damned if I know.
65
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,520
But I got to take a wizard.
66
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:09,898
Oh, that's right.
67
00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,775
We did get peed on that night,
68
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,902
but we also saw a pirate ship.
69
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:15,945
Most people just talk about stuff,
70
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,947
but Travis goes out and does it.
71
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,699
Except one thing.
72
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:21,284
Machu Picchu.
73
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:31,586
We were gonna open up a bar
on one of those mossy pyramids.
74
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,171
And call it "The Drincan Temple."
75
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:34,631
Spelled like "Incan."
76
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:37,217
We literally put the Incan in drinkin'.
77
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,178
A bar on a sacred temple? Great idea.
78
00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:42,514
Maybe next you can open
a zip line at Ground Zero.
79
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,474
We got to go out and celebrate, man.
80
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:45,767
Oh, that sounds nice,
81
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,310
but Wayne was just
about to help me figure out
82
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,813
why my car horn honks to
the beat of my turn signal. Aw.
83
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,065
Yeah. Plus, I got to work tomorrow.
84
00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,317
Hey, I didn't ask this.
85
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,778
I asked this.
86
00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:00,907
You're right. Let's do it!
87
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:02,909
-Wayne...
-Oh, come on, Jenny.
88
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:04,160
It's been so long.
89
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,620
I need some guy time.
90
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:08,164
Okay. I'm not gonna be that girlfriend.
91
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,375
Go have your super manly guy time.
92
00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:12,168
Travis, you can crash on the sleeper sofa
93
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,545
at my place if you want.
94
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,672
They don't call him
"The Pull Out King" for nothing.
95
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,674
-Ugh.
-Don't worry about that, man.
96
00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:19,467
I got a real sweet crash pad.
97
00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:21,386
Well, then, let's hit it!
98
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,894
Aw, this drink sucks.
99
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:33,314
We would never let a drink
like this cross our bar.
100
00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,483
No, sir, not at the Drincan Temple.
101
00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,486
Listen up, party patrons.
102
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,613
My buddy Wayne can make a drink
103
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:41,990
that'll knock your socks off!
104
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,992
-I can?
-Of course you can.
105
00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:45,410
I believe in you.
106
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:46,953
Wayne. Wayne!
107
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,247
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!
108
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:50,915
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!
109
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,585
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne! Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!
110
00:04:57,756 --> 00:05:01,259
Steering wheel's fighting me
like a 20-pound bass.
111
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:02,844
Or is it fighting you
112
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,721
like the spirit of a man
you ran over in the '80s?
113
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,723
Whatever your name is, sir,
114
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,641
we have no quarrel with you.
115
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,810
This car is not haunted, Vi.
116
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,896
It's just a very old car
that's got its quirks.
117
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,066
It's the Dark Lord!
118
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,525
That's not devil smoke!
119
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:19,903
It's just regular, non-devil smoke.
120
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,322
It's time to call...
121
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,866
Mother, it's AAA.
Not "Aaah!"
122
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,829
-Ah! Trav! I'm doing it!
123
00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:32,040
Wanye-tini up!
124
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,918
This is delish.
125
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:38,630
This is it, bro.
This is the dream.
126
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,924
Hey, let's wake up in a dream every day.
127
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:44,010
What? We don't know anything
about opening a bar.
128
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:46,096
Hey, can I buy your beer for ten bucks?
129
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,347
Uh, sure.
Why not?
130
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,307
And you just sold me a beer.
131
00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:51,393
That's all you need to know to open a bar.
132
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:53,103
Wayne! Wayne!
133
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:56,439
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!
134
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,025
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!
135
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:02,612
We lived our whole life in this car.
136
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,906
Yeah, but it was almost
completely on fire.
137
00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,116
We got to let her go.
138
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,617
Should we tell her?
139
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,619
I do believe it's time.
140
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,745
What?
141
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:12,247
Vi, this was your Gram's car
142
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,541
when she was tearing up
the streets in the '80s.
143
00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:17,335
♪ Down the basement ♪
144
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,671
♪ Lock the cellar door ♪
145
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,756
♪ And baby ♪
146
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,384
♪ Talk dirty to me! ♪
147
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,011
And it was your mom's ride
148
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:28,888
when she tore up the streets
a decade later.
149
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:31,391
♪ Closing time ♪
150
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:33,935
♪ One last call for alcohol ♪
151
00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:37,355
♪ So finish your whiskey or beer... ♪
152
00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:40,692
And, Vi, this car has touched your life
153
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:42,152
in ways you don't even know.
154
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,070
Mother!
Do not stop for a Quiznos!
155
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,156
This baby is coming!
156
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,450
You got this cute little divot
in your head
157
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,076
'cause you shot out
into the parking brake.
158
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,997
I was born... in a CRX.
159
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,790
It's settled.
Too many memories!
160
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,917
We're saving this memory hoopty.
161
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,588
Well, good morning, sleepyhead.
162
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:02,922
Did you have a fun man night?
163
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,883
Any fights, jail time,
did you get peed on?
164
00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:07,093
Uh, nothing.
Probably.
165
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,012
Mm.
Don't remember a ton.
166
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,222
But probably not hardly anything.
167
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:13,308
What in the hell happened here?
168
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:15,060
Oh, nothing.
Probably hardly not anything.
169
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:20,148
The "Aaah" guy said
all it needs is a new engine,
170
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,776
new transmission--
oh, and brakes and tires.
171
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,361
And a taillight.
172
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,780
And a new interior/exterior.
173
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:28,406
But otherwise, she's cherry.
174
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:30,700
Y'all, no.
No way.
175
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,327
I'm done fixing that death trap.
176
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,662
I got way more important things to do.
177
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,414
Oh, no.
What kind of dumb bullcrap
178
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:38,333
did Travis talk you into last night?
179
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:41,419
Jenny, your tone is like...
Whatever.
180
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:44,172
And as a matter of fact,
I am opening a bar with Travis.
181
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:45,674
The Drinkin' Ruins thing?
182
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,342
The Drincan Temple.
183
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:48,843
Come on, Wayne.
184
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,804
I've had the idea
for a Led Zeppelin-themed coffee shop
185
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,639
called "Whole Latte Love" for years.
186
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,683
But a catchy name is not a business plan.
187
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:56,267
You can't let Travis talk you into
188
00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:58,144
another one of his reckless ideas.
189
00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,646
-Wayne...
190
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,940
No... no...
191
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:04,693
No, no, n-no, don't you press
that button, Wayne...
192
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:05,694
-Bad!
193
00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:06,945
Hello, Mr. Bigsby.
194
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,698
Yeah, this is your former employee,
195
00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:13,368
soon to be famous bar owner,
Wayne Edwards.
196
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,203
-I... quit.
197
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,419
Wayne, you did not
just quit your job.
198
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,170
What are you gonna do for money?
199
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,047
Open your earholes.
200
00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:28,591
Me and Travis are opening a bar.
201
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,844
Bars are gold mines.
202
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:34,431
Right. Is that why there's
a reality show called Bar Rescue?
203
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,768
Travis,
204
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,729
The Drincan Temple.
205
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,188
The future number-one
206
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:44,357
Peruvian-themed nightclub in Greenpoint.
207
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:45,984
This is a sacred spot.
208
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,153
Its energy is acutely positive,
209
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:50,447
probably because of its history.
210
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,781
Yep, it was a sex shop.
211
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,992
But I just could not compete with online.
212
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,494
You know, all across America,
213
00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:59,414
your brick-and-mortar dilda
shops are taking a real beating.
214
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:02,792
Eat a double-headed
pleasure snake, Jeff Bozos.
215
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,337
Oh, that... that was inspiring, Bud.
216
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,589
Thanks for that.
Uh, where do I sign?
217
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,760
Whoa, Wayne.
That's a lot of money.
218
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:14,304
Hey, man. Is that what you think in here?
219
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,222
Or in here?
220
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:17,640
Besides, I got this.
221
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,601
No one really needs
health insurance anyway.
222
00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,978
Nice doing business with y'all.
223
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,272
Hey, you want me to clear out
these inflatables?
224
00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:26,399
Ah, you know what?
They're on the hizzy.
225
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:28,318
Use 'em for pool floats.
226
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,236
Oh, God.
227
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,324
Hey, Carl Nowacek here,
228
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,742
aka Little Carl.
229
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,452
230
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,288
"How to Fix an '87 CRX with Fire Damage."
231
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:43,958
Okay, so, uh, make sure
the battery's grounded.
232
00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,086
Hey!
What did I tell you?
233
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:48,546
Don't play with my tools.
234
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,757
Kathy!
Come get your kids!
235
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,343
My wife, she doesn't watch our kids.
236
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,178
Hey, Carl?
What is this?
237
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,846
Does this go in the engine?
238
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:59,224
It's a video.
He's not actually talking to us.
239
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:00,892
You don't actually talk to the TV
240
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,727
and expect the actors to reply,
do you, Mother?
241
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,479
-Uh, a hundred percent yes.
-Oh, what am I saying?
242
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:05,772
-You do that all the time.
-She absolutely does.
243
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:08,441
Kathy!
Get these dang kids!
244
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,402
Okay.
Now let's get to work.
245
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,821
♪ Now get to work ♪
246
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,409
-Ah!
247
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:19,536
♪ Ah, oh, now get to work ♪
248
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,208
♪ Ah, oh ♪
249
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,376
♪ Bring it on ♪
250
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,045
♪ Ring the alarm ♪
251
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,006
-♪ Don't stop now ♪
252
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,424
♪ Just be the champion ♪
253
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,050
♪ Work it hard ♪
254
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,885
♪ Like it's your profession ♪
255
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,096
♪ Watch out now ♪
256
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,890
♪ 'Cause here it comes ♪
257
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,268
-♪ Here comes the master ♪
-Ah! Ah! Ah!
258
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,436
♪ Here comes the big beat ♪
259
00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:46,521
-♪ Big beat disaster. ♪
260
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:48,857
We are so close to fixing this car.
261
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,400
Suck on that, Wayne.
262
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,609
Yep, so many more wonderful memories
263
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,862
to be made in this vehicle.
264
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:58,450
Oh, Violet!
Can't believe you got into NYU.
265
00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:00,368
Thanks for driving, Mom.
266
00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:02,871
Well, I got to go embark on my adult life.
267
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,956
Wait. I have a surprise for you.
268
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,125
I convinced them to let us be roomies.
269
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,544
We're doing New York, roomie!
270
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,463
That is the best news ever!
271
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,840
Now I can always be your little girl.
272
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,467
Yay, Mommy!
273
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:18,720
Yup, ever since your Gram
passed, it's been hard.
274
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,680
But at least we have each other.
275
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:23,641
You're taking me to college
and then never leaving?
276
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:25,602
And I'm dead in your fantasy?
277
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,229
The fantasy's way more emotional
if you're dead.
278
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,231
Mom, you can drive me to college,
279
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:34,110
but then you're leaving the car
because I've got other plans.
280
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,571
Thank you for coming to my show.
281
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,991
I've worked very hard
on this extremely personal piece.
282
00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:43,203
I now present to you...
283
00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:45,163
-Born in a Car.
284
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:48,124
I dedicate this to the memory
of my grandmother Betty Hart,
285
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,251
who died suddenly last night.
286
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,962
Great, so I'm dead again?
287
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,881
We're not invited to your art show?
288
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:57,384
And as always, my work
is flying right over your heads.
289
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,135
I think it's time for both of you
290
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,180
to hear what a proper
fant-nasty sounds like.
291
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:03,682
-Fant-nasty?
-No, no, no, please don't.
292
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,016
Unsubscribe.
293
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,604
That's that. Took care of her,
294
00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:12,857
so you are free to marry me, Dr. Senator.
295
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:14,859
Now, why don't you make love to me
296
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:17,779
on the hood of my car
while it's still warm.
297
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:22,367
It would be my great honor
to service you sexually, Ms. Hart.
298
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:26,037
Oh, and by the way,
both Jenny and Violet are dead.
299
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:28,873
How does it feel?
300
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:33,753
Wayne, bro, congratulate me.
301
00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:36,798
I'm getting married... tonight!
302
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:38,633
-You're getting married?
-I met her last night.
303
00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:39,968
I think you know her.
304
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,303
She's a dancer at Bud's named Emoji.
305
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,723
Wow. Okay.
Uh, great.
306
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:47,267
And guess where we're gonna live?
Peru.
307
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:49,185
-Peru?
-Yeah, Peru, North Carolina.
308
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:52,564
Plus, we're moving in
with Emoji's adult son.
309
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:54,649
-Wait. What about our bar?
-What bar?
310
00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:56,860
Um, the bar we're standing in?
311
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,862
Oh, right.
Well, I'll still help out on the weekends.
312
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,655
And I'll tell you what.
313
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:03,199
Why don't we have the wedding
right here on our opening night?
314
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,744
It'll be the perfect send-off
for me and Emoji.
315
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,829
Send-off?
316
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:11,082
Ugh!
317
00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:12,709
Mother, can you hand me a wrench?
318
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,420
I wish I could, but I am dead, so no.
319
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:18,423
My dead-ass vapor hands
cannot pick up a wrench.
320
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,592
Gram, it was heightened reality.
321
00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:22,260
-You know what? I'm over this.
322
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:23,887
Wait.
Y'all can't give up now.
323
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,014
We're so close.
Ugh.
324
00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:29,309
-Jenny, grab a playful sundress.
325
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,769
Travis is getting married.
326
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:32,520
What?
Oh, of course he is.
327
00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:34,522
How long has he known her, four hours?
328
00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:38,276
Uh, four-teen hours, so, way off.
329
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,279
Oh, no, you're not
still playing mechanic, are you?
330
00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:43,365
What?! Okay.
331
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:46,951
Well, are you still playing
"I'm building a dumb bar"?
332
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:49,662
Look who's talking.
Ugh! So mad at you,
333
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:52,207
but you all sweaty is also really hot.
334
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,667
Well, you all mad and dressed up
is pretty hot, too.
335
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,836
All right. Are you coming
to Travis's last-minute wedding
336
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,838
or not, you greasy little hottie?
337
00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:03,218
I don't have time to get cleaned
up, you friggin' smokeshow.
338
00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:05,595
Fine. You can come dirty
because that's hot.
339
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,555
Well, if I do manage to fix this car,
340
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:10,433
I might just take you
to the backseat, mister.
341
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,018
Well, now I'm conflicted
342
00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:13,978
because I would love
to old-school get down
343
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,064
in the back of a car with you,
but conversely,
344
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,899
I don't want you to succeed
345
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:20,485
in fixing this murder-mobile,
you smoking hottie!
346
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,445
Can you guys stop yelling
rage-horny things
347
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,322
at each other on our front lawn?!
348
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:29,869
You know what, Pierce Bro-snan?
349
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:31,996
What, Timothée Bro-lomet?
350
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,041
Having your wedding on opening
night was a brilliant idea.
351
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,793
Oh, man, this place is packed.
352
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,586
We're gonna make so much bank tonight.
353
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:41,798
We got this. Oh, by the way,
I told everybody drinks are free.
354
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,258
Wait. What?
355
00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:44,759
Love is a beautiful thing.
356
00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,761
I've been lucky enough to witness Emoji
357
00:14:46,845 --> 00:14:49,681
find true wedded love
no less than eight times.
358
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:50,807
Eight times?
359
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,600
Oh, and before we get to the vows,
360
00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:55,437
I would like to dedicate
a ceremonial poi dance
361
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,064
to the love of my past 48 hours
362
00:14:58,148 --> 00:14:59,858
-and the rest of my life.
363
00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,493
Oh, my God, Dawn.
364
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,872
Are you wearing a wedding dress
on my wedding day?
365
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:15,498
Well, one of us has to.
366
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,667
I don't know what you call that.
367
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,756
-The statue. Trav!
368
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,558
We're getting beat up,
but I can't hit back
369
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:34,476
because it's all girls.
370
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,311
I know, man.
371
00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:37,687
This is an unwinnable fight.
372
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,773
-Punch the dog!
373
00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:41,274
No, she's a girl, too.
374
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:51,409
Wayne, bro, I am so sorry.
375
00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:54,329
Wayne, I said I'm sorry.
376
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,498
I heard you.
I just was trying to figure out
377
00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:58,375
if you're apologizing for this
378
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:01,169
or-or for a whole lifetime
of leaving me in the lurch.
379
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:04,464
But then again, I'm the dumbass
for thinking you've grown up.
380
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,424
-Serious?
-Serious.
381
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,225
"You'll never fix that car.
Death trap."
382
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,893
Ha!
Suck it, Wayne.
383
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:21,856
I fixed it by myself,
I'll drive it by myself.
384
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,109
I don't need anybody.
385
00:16:24,192 --> 00:16:26,903
Looks like it's just
you and me, Little Carl.
386
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:30,073
So, guys, uh, I really
want to help you fix your car,
387
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,659
but Kathy kicked me out a few days ago,
388
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:35,954
and I've been all alone,
uh, staying at a Holiday Inn,
389
00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:38,915
and not a good one.
I think it's independently owned.
390
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:42,085
But anyways, it's, uh,
really put things in perspective.
391
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,546
You know, you can have
all the properly working motor vehicles
392
00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:47,132
in the world, but if you don't
have your family,
393
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:48,425
what do you got?
394
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,343
And Kathy Nowacek, and my kids,
395
00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:51,803
if you're watching this right now,
396
00:16:51,886 --> 00:16:53,346
I want you to know I love ya.
397
00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:54,931
Go ahead and smash that "like" button
398
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,766
and subscribe if you'd like more videos.
399
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,519
Oh, Carl, you're so right.
400
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:01,438
Now I'm talking to Little Carl.
401
00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:07,068
Y'all, I did it.
I fixed the CRX.
402
00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:09,738
-What the hell?!
-You fixed it? On your own?
403
00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:11,823
a car's worthless
404
00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:13,533
if you can't enjoy it with your family.
405
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,452
All I want right now is to take a ride
406
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:18,288
with the two most important
people in my life.
407
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,873
You know what, Jenny?
408
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:22,792
I fantasize
about you dying sometimes, too.
409
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,335
Same.
For both of you.
410
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:27,213
Hey, it's the tie that binds.
411
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:28,965
-Okay.
412
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,551
Mom, there's a disturbing amount
413
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,219
of spare pieces back here.
414
00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:34,929
Yeah, those parts are just like
when you buy a coat
415
00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:36,348
at Burlington, and they give you
416
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:37,807
a few extra buttons in the pocket.
417
00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:41,227
You don't need 'em.
Now sit back and enjoy the ride.
418
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:44,147
-♪ Rollin' down the street ♪
419
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,982
♪ Sippin' on gin and ju... ♪
420
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,068
Ah!
421
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:52,739
-Uh...
The brakes.
422
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,908
The brakes don't work.
I mean, they're fixed--
423
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,035
hello-- but they're not working!
424
00:17:57,118 --> 00:18:00,246
And we're headed straight
towards Dead Man's Intersection!
425
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:13,677
Oh, my God, Wayne.
Thank you!
426
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,471
Stop talking and get out of that thing!
427
00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:22,102
Oh, so these are brakes?
428
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:28,858
Oh, boy, here it goes.
429
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:32,612
Mr. Bigsby, I owe you
the world's biggest "my bad."
430
00:18:32,696 --> 00:18:33,905
I fell under the spell
431
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,615
of this old friend of mine, and chasing
432
00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:37,742
some dumb fantasy that
he was never gonna help me with.
433
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:40,328
But not all childhood dreams
are meant to come true, sir.
434
00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:43,915
Otherwise, there'd be way
more fireman cowboy astronauts.
435
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,126
Anyway, I am sorry that I quit.
436
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:47,961
You're quitting?
Right now?!
437
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,796
No. No, no, no, no.
I-I-I'm actually...
438
00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:51,256
He doesn't remember.
439
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,133
He's got, like, stage 12 dementia.
440
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:55,760
Uh, okay.
So... forget it?
441
00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:57,345
I guess he already has.
442
00:18:57,429 --> 00:18:58,680
So he's not quitting?
443
00:18:58,763 --> 00:18:59,848
No, sir.
I'm not.
444
00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:02,350
Good, 'cause I hate quitters.
445
00:19:02,434 --> 00:19:04,519
You know what else quit on me?
446
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:08,565
My legs.
But I didn't quit on them!
447
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,359
-PETER Attention.
448
00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:13,361
We've got ourselves
a shed squatter on aisle ten.
449
00:19:13,445 --> 00:19:15,113
I'm on it!
450
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:16,531
All right, pal.
451
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:18,616
If you lie in it, you're buying it.
Come on out.
452
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,493
Trav?
453
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:22,245
What the heck, man?
Are you living in here?
454
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,330
What?!
455
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,416
No way, man.
I'm just chillin' in here.
456
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,626
Okay, yeah,
I'm totally living in this shed.
457
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:33,006
Emoji divorced me.
She said wedding fires were bad luck.
458
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:35,091
But you're living the dream.
459
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:37,093
No, you're living the dream.
460
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:39,220
You got family and love.
461
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:41,556
All I got is my fading smile.
462
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:45,185
And that pays less and less
with each passing year.
463
00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:47,062
I'd only been in Hollywood for a minute
464
00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:49,606
when things got desperate real fast.
465
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,108
Oh, come on, man.
It couldn't have been that bad.
466
00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:55,362
I did a porno, man!
467
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:58,865
And it was bad.
468
00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:01,534
It had no story, and it was super gross.
469
00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:03,828
I mean, I'm not that OCD
about cleanliness,
470
00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,497
but they don't even try
471
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:08,833
to provide a clean
working environment, Wayne.
472
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,543
You're gonna be okay.
473
00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:12,170
You can crash at my place.
474
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:14,130
Thanks, Wayne.
475
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:16,883
I mean, it wasn't like it had no story.
476
00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:18,343
It did have a story.
477
00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:20,136
I was a personal trainer, but somehow,
478
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:22,347
on this particular day,
I was quadruple booked.
479
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:24,015
See, I'm drawn in.
480
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:27,602
There's no way
481
00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:30,271
you could give us a slightly
sweeter pre-owned deal?
482
00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:33,191
I'm afraid I've gone down
as far as I can go.
483
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:37,362
Oh, my God, are you Travis
from Courtney Love's Loves?
484
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:38,780
Guilty as charged.
485
00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:40,657
Hon, come into my office.
486
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,451
We're gonna hook your friends up
with a real sweet deal.
487
00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:46,204
Smile's not fading as fast
as I formerly thought.
488
00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,081
Honey, it's not the smile.
489
00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:50,792
It's that tight little badonk-ah-dunkah.
490
00:20:58,383 --> 00:21:00,343
Thanks for hookin'
yourself out, Travis.
491
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,887
Oh, yeah.
Thanks for hookin' yourself out.
492
00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:05,390
No thanks needed. Y'all are family.
493
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,145
I love you, man.
494
00:21:10,228 --> 00:21:11,896
I love you, too, man.
495
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:14,899
Hey, Wayne, do me a favor
and don't google that porn.
496
00:21:14,983 --> 00:21:17,736
-Yeah, kind of already did.
-No! Come on.
497
00:21:17,819 --> 00:21:19,612
I wanted to know how your character
498
00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:21,656
sorted out that scheduling snafu.
499
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:23,575
And you handled it like a champ.
500
00:21:23,658 --> 00:21:25,493
Thanks, man.
501
00:21:25,577 --> 00:21:28,163
♪ Rollin' down the street ♪
502
00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:32,667
♪ Sippin' on gin and juice. ♪
503
00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:35,920
504
00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:39,007
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