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♪ I got that joy, joy, joy,
joy down in my heart ♪
2
00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:10,677
♪ Where? ♪
3
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:14,264
♪ Down in my heart to stay. ♪
4
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:22,397
Oh, Lord, that megachurch next door
5
00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:24,691
must be having another one
of their Lord-a-Paloozas.
6
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,735
Shut up out there, you heathens!
7
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:29,988
I can't hear myself praying
for a night with Richard Gere!
8
00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:32,615
Now, now, let's not yell at our neighbors.
9
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,367
They're bringing more people to the Lord,
10
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,786
and that's just good for everybody.
11
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,997
Attention, Bucklake parishioners.
12
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,498
Enter the raffle now
13
00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:44,294
to win a brand-new,
whiz-bang Trickster Sea-Doo!
14
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:47,756
A Sea-Doo?
Those are the dirt bikes of the ocean!
15
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:51,843
Oh, uh, I forgot that my house is on fire.
16
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:54,554
Me, too! Uh, different house, though!
17
00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:55,930
Me, too.
18
00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,307
See you.
Next Sunday.
19
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,603
Oh, such a beautiful service today.
20
00:01:01,686 --> 00:01:03,730
Pastor Joanne,
you knocked it out of the park.
21
00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:06,066
I loved your joke about springtime.
22
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,567
"Spring is here.
23
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,986
I got so excited that I wet my plants!"
24
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:12,739
Look out, Ellen DeGeneres.
25
00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:15,658
Bucklake Ministries.
26
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,952
Fun. Food.
Community.
27
00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:21,748
And now double the faith healings.
28
00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:24,459
It's like if Jesus ran a Six Flags.
29
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,127
Ugh, look at that tacky minister.
30
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:27,796
Be healed!
31
00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:29,589
If he can heal with his hands,
32
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,800
why'd he have to get
all that plastic surgery?
33
00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:34,511
As over-the-top as he is,
some people seem to really love him.
34
00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:37,263
It's hard to compete
with all that pizzazz.
35
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,391
I'm thinking about dusting off
my electric guitar
36
00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:41,142
-for Easter services.
No!
37
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,686
Pastor Joanne,
38
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:45,355
don't you dare pick up
that electrical guitar!
39
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:48,024
Yes, you are an angel on this earth,
Pastor Joanne.
40
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,402
All you got to do is just keep doing you.
41
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,862
Well, we might not
have any ticket giveaways,
42
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,656
but we do have a good old-fashioned
43
00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:56,908
pancake dinner fundraiser coming up.
44
00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,785
We will for sure be there.
45
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,578
Whoa!
-Bucklake!
46
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:04,249
Getting closer to God!
47
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:07,711
Are you gonna have a jetpack
at your pancake dinner?
48
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,829
And then that megachurch did this whole
49
00:02:42,912 --> 00:02:44,914
American Gladiators thing,
and a guy came out
50
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,250
dressed like you
and did the entire course.
51
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:48,334
So tacky.
52
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,170
Yeah, totally.
53
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,546
So the guy looked like me?
54
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,590
Well, yeah, except he was
real chiseled and buff.
55
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,426
You must hate places like Bucklake.
56
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:57,844
All that showy hoo-ha.
57
00:02:57,927 --> 00:02:59,596
You kidding me?
58
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:01,139
I love a megachurch.
59
00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:03,558
All those people cheering for me?
60
00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:05,935
That's as close
as I'm ever gonna get to being Bono.
61
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,271
I just wish
I could help out Pastor Joanne.
62
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,273
You know, slow down
that megachurch a little.
63
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:13,193
Well, that Minister
Mikey Buckley is, um...
64
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:14,027
What?
65
00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:15,278
Oh, I don't like to gossip.
66
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:16,279
I shouldn't have said anything.
67
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:17,364
I knew it!
68
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:19,074
There is something up with that guy.
69
00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:20,408
So what you're trying to tell me is
70
00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:21,451
that if I went over there,
71
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:22,702
I could dig up the dirt on Buckley
72
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,662
and bring down that phony-baloney church?
73
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,373
No! That's not what I'm saying.
74
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:27,957
Well, if you don't want me digging,
75
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,250
just tell me what it is, then.
76
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:30,585
No can do-sies.
77
00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:31,836
Come on!
78
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,718
You're such a cheeseball.
79
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,555
Sorry, guys. We don't carry...
80
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,683
lily of the valley,
81
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,643
nightshade, or any of the plants on here
82
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:47,644
that start with "poison."
83
00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,479
Not even the lowly sumac?
84
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,648
Our garden of death
is just gonna be a cactus
85
00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:53,650
and some brown snapdragons.
86
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:56,236
Wait, what is that?
87
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,784
Whoa...
88
00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:05,161
We sell these Jesus statues,
you know, for people's gardens.
89
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,746
And usually people love 'em.
90
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,331
But this little guy is different.
91
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,709
Just got this crazy vibe.
92
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,919
Like he's been through
a whole world of suffering.
93
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:16,464
It's like he's designed
to make people regret things.
94
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:19,926
This version of Jesus is why
my abuela never remarried.
95
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,970
Look how many times
he's been marked down.
96
00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,723
Nobody wants him.
It's just too much for people to handle.
97
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:26,850
And I've done everything
to try to get someone to take him.
98
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,393
I-I gave him a Hawaiian shirt,
99
00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:30,228
a-a Dr. Seuss hat...
100
00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:32,063
Did you try zany sunglasses?
101
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:33,732
Oh, the zaniest.
102
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,276
But those eyes pierce everything.
103
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:39,487
David, what do you think would happen
104
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:40,905
if we took this Jesus around town
105
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:43,241
and made people confront
their worst life choices?
106
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,035
They would be hypnotized by guilt.
107
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,579
And, best case, they have
a physical reaction to that?
108
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:49,789
Maybe an embarrassing one?
109
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,124
-Please, Wayne, get us this Jesus.
-Wayne, can you get us
110
00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:52,125
this Jesus?
111
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:52,959
Why?
112
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,919
For a... art project.
113
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:56,546
It's a photo essay about what happens
114
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:59,466
when people stop being polite
and start seeing Jesus.
115
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:02,052
It's called Jesus.
116
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,471
Well, I would go with
Real Saviors of Greenpoint,
117
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:05,847
but we can figure that out later.
118
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:08,099
Let's have some fun.
119
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,269
You want it here?
120
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:12,812
No, a little to the left.
121
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:15,315
I thought this guy
was supposed to carry me.
122
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,733
No, that's too far.
123
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,693
-Perfect.
124
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:19,611
Okay, now hide.
125
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:31,748
I don't feel good about my choices.
126
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,041
I'm the garbage!
127
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,710
How did you know he was gonna litter?
128
00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,045
Everyone litters.
129
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:39,798
Because people are trash.
130
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:43,218
Now, let's catch us
some common shoplifters.
131
00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:50,684
What the hell are we doing?
132
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,435
Don't look at me, Jesus.
I'm disgusting.
133
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,145
I got to get my GED.
134
00:05:58,733 --> 00:05:59,901
Okay, here's your...
135
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,404
Oh, mercy! Lord!
136
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:03,697
Let me get you an extra biscuit.
137
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,907
I am so sorry for everything.
138
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,659
Praise him!
Praise you!
139
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:08,702
Oh, Lord!
140
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,121
Wait, but she didn't do anything wrong.
141
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,331
Why is she in your art project?
142
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:15,041
Oh, no, we just wanted free biscuits.
143
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,545
Hmm.
144
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,756
Mother, I think it's up to us
145
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,591
to do something about that megachurch.
146
00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:25,301
Damn right.
Let me go get
147
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,595
my "hitting" golf clubs.
148
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:30,015
Mother, we're not gonna
hit anybody with golf clubs.
149
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,474
Good Lord.
Just listen.
150
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,435
A little birdie told me
that Minister Mikey
151
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,311
might have some skeletons.
152
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,230
Ooh, what are we talking?
153
00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:38,815
Buried bodies?
154
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:39,983
Drug addiction?
155
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,776
Money laundering?
Kid diddling?
156
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,237
I don't know yet,
157
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:45,947
a classic long con.
158
00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:48,450
First we earn the trust
of those closest to him.
159
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,744
We infiltrate the choir.
Learn their songs. Study their quirks.
160
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:53,413
And then, when the time is right,
we drop the hammer.
161
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:56,833
I used to love a good long con,
162
00:06:56,916 --> 00:07:00,170
but who has time in the age
of YouTube and Instasnap?
163
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,963
This has to be a short con.
164
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,757
Okay, why do you have a wheelchair
165
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,425
locked and loaded under your bed?
166
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:08,845
Every woman should
have a wheelchair in her arsenal.
167
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:17,520
Is this a church service
or Monday Night Raw?
168
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:18,730
Welcome to Bucklake.
169
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,565
Or should I say, "Welcome home"?
170
00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:23,777
Our facial recognition software
tells me you're new here.
171
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:27,322
Oh, what?
172
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:29,657
Please accept a coffee voucher
to our Starbucks.
173
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:32,202
Y'all have a Starbucks in here?
174
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,704
Yep, right by the complimentary
massage chairs.
175
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,582
And I'd also like to offer you your choice
176
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:41,044
of a new member hoodie
or cozy ribbed cardigan.
177
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,713
I'll take a cardigan for myself
178
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:48,301
and a hoodie for my sweet
invalid mother who's in hospice.
179
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:49,844
What?
We're here.
180
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,138
I mean, we might as well
rip 'em off, right?
181
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,142
♪ Yeah ♪
182
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,478
♪ It's about faith ♪
183
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,814
♪ Yeah, you got love... ♪
184
00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:02,232
Ugh.
185
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,067
Everything here is so tacky.
186
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,152
-This high-quality cardigan.
-Tacky.
187
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,737
These stupid comfortable seats
188
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,531
with adjustable armrests.
189
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,366
-Tacky.
-And this dumb freakin'
190
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,326
lavender-flavored delicious latte.
191
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:16,079
Yeah, and the barista
put too much whipped cream
192
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,372
in my hot co-coa.
193
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:19,624
Tacky.
194
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,793
Okay, we get the dirt
on this plastic preacher,
195
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,378
get out of this phony-baloney circus,
196
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:26,464
and get to Pastor Joanne's
Easter pancake dinner.
197
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:30,552
-♪ Ah... ♪
-♪ Hey... ♪
198
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:39,310
♪ Can you feel it?
Can you feel it? ♪
199
00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:43,773
♪ Ah-ha ♪
200
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,108
♪ It's about faith ♪
201
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,943
♪ Ooh... ♪
202
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:50,030
All right. All right!
203
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,449
Welcome home.
Now, I don't know about y'all,
204
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,825
but I'm feeling a little,
205
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,368
just a little wiggly.
206
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:58,079
-I'm feeling a little jiggly.
207
00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:01,499
-I'm feeling a little extra power
of the Lord right now.
208
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:03,376
And I got to share it with y'all.
209
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,754
Now, who's ready for some divine healing?
210
00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:09,257
Come on down to the stage.
211
00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:10,592
That's our cue.
212
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,848
Oh, no.
Everyone knows I can't resist the thrill
213
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,016
of a T-shirt cannon.
214
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,684
Stay focused, dummy!
215
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:22,103
In the name of the Father,
216
00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,689
the Son and the Holy Spirit,
217
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,900
I say begone, Satan!
218
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:29,361
Let this woman stand!
219
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:39,662
And receive her $50 Kohl's gift card!
220
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,420
-I can walk! I can!
221
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,256
What are you doing?
222
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,425
50 free dollars to Kohl's, Jenny.
223
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,344
You are so weak-willed.
224
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:57,764
I caught a shirt! I caught a shirt!
225
00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,099
♪ Yeah. ♪
226
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:08,650
Jenny, which Easter hat
do you like better?
227
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,610
This one?
228
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,237
Or...?
229
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:15,407
Ooh, I like that one.
Very Bianca Jagger.
230
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:19,619
So, how was Pastor Joanne's
pancake dinner fundraiser?
231
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:22,539
Okay, I didn't
go to Pastor Joanne's church.
232
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:26,334
Because I was at a...
233
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:28,086
more church!
234
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:29,504
Oh, I hope you're keeping track, though,
235
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,214
'cause I should get extra points for this.
236
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,549
Jenny, I've told you a million times,
237
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,217
there's no point system.
238
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,302
And if you keep asking,
you're gonna lose a bunch of points.
239
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,013
So there are points.
240
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,098
Okay, yes.
Of course there are points.
241
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,391
How many does Gandhi have?
242
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,809
Oh, you don't want to get into all that.
243
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:43,852
More than Tom Hanks?
244
00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:44,894
Forget the points.
245
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,479
Your hat is stupid.
246
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,565
-You just lost 98 points.
247
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,066
No!
248
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,484
Is that a little or a lot?
249
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,070
This is such a great idea, Wayne.
250
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:57,741
Taking Jesus to Bud's Baby Dolls
is the ultimate.
251
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,784
Yeah, you have great shaming instincts.
252
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,578
Look, look, look, here comes a dude.
253
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:06,166
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Uh...
254
00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:15,133
-Nope.
-Amazing.
255
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,385
These dirtbags
feel so bad about themselves.
256
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,972
Kinda feel bad for 'em.
257
00:11:21,056 --> 00:11:22,974
-Don't you?
-No.
-Are you kidding?
258
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,023
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
259
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,610
He's talking to it.
260
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,028
Don't look at me.
261
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:36,821
Why are you looking at me like that?
262
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:43,328
We did this. This is just a prank.
We put this here.
263
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:44,412
It came from Bigsby's.
264
00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,247
Yeah, it's just a dumb statue.
265
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:47,832
Just a dumb statue?
266
00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:49,459
I don't know how to live anymore!
267
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,920
-Get away from me! Get away!
Aah!
268
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:54,673
Wayne, that guy's gonna hurt himself.
269
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,134
Oh, man, that is hilarious!
270
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,053
No!
Not hilarious.
271
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,889
No, it's hilarious...
272
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,100
-that you fell for this.
-What?
273
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,146
That's right, reverse prank.
274
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,190
Classic way to teach pranksters
275
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,567
that pranks can have consequences.
276
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,027
Jason, get over here.
277
00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:18,488
This is my pal Jason, and his breakdown
278
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:21,241
was my prank on you guys.
How does it feel?
279
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:27,122
All right, Wayne.
The prankers have become the prank-ed.
280
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,624
Teaching us a lesson
about karma using Jesus?
281
00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:30,834
You're a freakin' genius.
282
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,001
I look so sexy
283
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,586
when I think I've killed a person.
284
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:37,424
Oh, God, what have I been
doing with my life?
285
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,050
I'm gonna kill myself!
286
00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:41,219
Okay, Wayne, we get it.
Geez.
287
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,929
Oh, no, I don't know that guy.
288
00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:44,764
Uh, hey, we got to
get that thing out of here.
289
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,810
Ooh-hoo, we are gonna turn
290
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:51,021
Bucklake inside out with our Easter looks.
291
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,981
I heard there's gonna be a hologram
292
00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:55,567
where Jesus talks to Prince.
293
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,485
I heard they Easter brunch
during the service,
294
00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:59,070
Medieval Times-style.
295
00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:00,071
-Oh.
296
00:13:00,155 --> 00:13:01,406
Hey, y'all.
297
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:05,910
Pastor Joanne!
298
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,579
Betty, I got your message
299
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,205
that you couldn't come
to my pancake dinner
300
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,083
because of your emergency back surgery?
301
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:14,961
Uh... that's right.
Yep.
302
00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:16,629
It's feeling pretty good now.
303
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,465
The transplant's really taking.
304
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:20,842
Check this out.
305
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:24,596
You got a back transplant?
306
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,182
Yep. Mm-hmm.
The whole thing had to go.
307
00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:29,726
And when I was helping her with her rehab,
308
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:33,396
that caused me to hurt my back really bad.
309
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,316
So we both had to get back transplants.
310
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:38,693
But we're doing great!
Ha. We've been praying.
311
00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:40,195
Look!
312
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,951
Well, I missed having y'all there.
313
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:49,371
-Congratulations on your backs.
314
00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:52,207
Oh, shoot.
Quick, get under here.
315
00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:57,170
Uh...
316
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:03,843
I love that they do communion pizza here.
317
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:06,930
I love Pastor Joanne's pancake dinners,
318
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:09,683
but this is Pizza Hut quality.
319
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:12,185
Oh, there goes Minister Mikey.
320
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:15,814
-Let's go introduce ourselves.
-Hang on,
321
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:17,857
I got to fluff my hair first.
322
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:20,026
Did you know you can
use your phone as a mirror?
323
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,404
-That's a life hack.
324
00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,284
Oh, look at that.
325
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,453
That's not a mistress, is it?
326
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:33,331
No, he's saving that poor girl's soul.
327
00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:39,004
Okay, so he is in a relationship
328
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:41,506
with a woman of the night.
329
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:43,049
More like a woman of the afternoon.
330
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:45,927
But that's fine.
Jesus didn't judge prosties.
331
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,929
When can we be together?
332
00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:50,515
Once we turn that Podunk
little Greenpoint Methodist into
333
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,059
-a parking structure/
-Bucklake complex,
334
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:55,353
we're gonna put you
in a beautiful townhome.
335
00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:59,524
Hold on. He's actively trying
to destroy Pastor Joanne's church?
336
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:02,277
Over my smoking hot dead body.
337
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,738
By the way, did you try the mini quiche?
338
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:12,454
Ooh, that turd Minister Mikey is
339
00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:14,748
gonna force Pastor Joanne
out of her church.
340
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:17,000
That sexy minister sucked us in,
341
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,502
and he's gonna hurt
our sweet angel Joanne.
342
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:20,795
Ah...
343
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:22,839
We have to protect her at all costs.
344
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,342
Even if it means getting up
before these roll-y balls
345
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,470
get to my lower back.
Lord, it hurts so good, y'all...
346
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,222
I'm just gonna get a quick pic
of me in this pleasure machine.
347
00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:35,060
Oh, shoot.
Left my camera on again.
348
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,811
Wait, what's this movie?
349
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,938
Once we turn that podunk little
350
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:41,316
Greenpoint Methodist
into a parking structure...
351
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,443
Mother!
You taped the whole thing.
352
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,236
Do you know what this means?
353
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,947
It's our smoking gun.
354
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,949
We got to go nuclear with this.
355
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:51,618
Blast this out on all the medias.
356
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,578
CNN.
Al Rokers.
357
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,914
Call that gap-toothed Adonis
Michael Strahan,
358
00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,957
and offer him an exclusive.
359
00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:00,460
I knew there was something off
360
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:03,254
about that Minister Mikey,
based on teeth alone.
361
00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:04,839
That guy's veneers cost more
362
00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:07,300
than my double-wide,
and they're twice as big.
363
00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:09,761
His parishioners deserve to know
what a creep he is.
364
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:11,805
And we have the proof on Mother's phone.
365
00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:12,806
Amen.
366
00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,641
This is better than any telenovela
367
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:15,767
I've ever seen.
368
00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:16,935
Even the one where the evil twin
369
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:18,561
turned out to be a robot.
370
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,855
We infiltrate the Easter service
and show that smoking gun
371
00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:22,357
to the whole church at once.
372
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:23,858
But we're gonna need your help.
373
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:27,320
Okay, here's how it's gonna go down.
374
00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:29,489
It'll be Easter Sunday, so we're gonna
375
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,658
have to look real nice.
376
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:41,084
Let's do this.
377
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,711
We slip in
378
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:44,629
with the rest of the parishioners.
379
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:49,050
Once we're inside,
Wayne will distract the guard.
380
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:50,969
Security! Security!
I need help!
381
00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:52,554
What seems to be the problem, sir?
382
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:55,181
Um... a squirrel took my doughnut.
383
00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:57,142
Oh.
Well, can you just get another one?
384
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,561
Not one with jelly in the middle.
385
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,229
What kind of security detail doesn't form
386
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,356
a perimeter around doughnuts?
387
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,900
Meanwhile, Violet and David will create
388
00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:08,194
a huge ruckus at the Easter egg hunt.
389
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:09,571
'Cause they're about to hunt Easter eggs
390
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,407
-with Bucklake's A/
-V guy Speedy Robinson.
391
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:14,784
He's got three toddlers,
and he'll definitely be there.
392
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:17,537
Oh, my God! This Easter Bunny's pants
are full of eggs.
393
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,456
He must be laying them.
394
00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:22,876
No.
No, no, no, no!
395
00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:27,130
Then a discreet hand-off...
396
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,384
Keys be with you.
397
00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:33,636
And also with you.
398
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,889
...and I get them to Mother.
-Look!
399
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:37,599
-He's in that tree!
-What tree?
400
00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:42,187
♪ Ah, faith, hope, love and joy ♪
401
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:45,440
♪ Ooh... ♪
402
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,859
-Took you long enough.
-More swag, Mother?
403
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:50,278
They were passing out
Bucklake bacon waves.
404
00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:52,072
Do you know what a bacon wave is?
405
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:55,116
So you can make crispy bacon
in the microwave, Jenny!
406
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,869
Just get in the sound booth
and wait for my signal.
407
00:17:57,952 --> 00:18:00,038
-Wait, what's the signal?
-This...
408
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:06,795
What the hell?
409
00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:08,171
No, that's way too long.
410
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,173
Okay, what about this?
411
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,968
The Hammer dance?
Oh, everybody's gonna be doing that.
412
00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:15,345
Oh, you're right.
Damn it.
413
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,971
Let me just think for a second.
414
00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:18,640
♪ Pump ♪
415
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,350
♪ Pump, pump it up, pump, pump ♪
416
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,310
♪ Pump, pump it up, pump, pump ♪
417
00:18:22,394 --> 00:18:24,396
♪ Party on the block, pump, pump it up ♪
418
00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:26,147
-♪ Pump, pump. ♪
419
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,612
Folks, Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice
420
00:18:32,696 --> 00:18:34,406
when he died for our sins.
421
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:37,242
And all he asks for in return
422
00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:40,078
is ten to 15% of your income.
423
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,831
Now, is that so much to ask?
424
00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:44,541
Oh, uh, uh-uh. No, ma'am, ma'am--
425
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,251
we're-we're not doing the healings yet.
426
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:47,961
Oh, I'm not here to be healed.
427
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,005
I'm here to expose a sickness.
428
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,007
-Yours!
429
00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:55,260
That's what they went with?
430
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,012
So confusing.
431
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:00,807
Oh.
432
00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:03,852
Oh, Lord.
433
00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:06,312
What in the holy salvation
434
00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:07,605
is going on here?
435
00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,482
You're going down!
436
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,276
What is that, a raspberry seed?
437
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:12,569
Ugh.
What is that?
438
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,696
Sorry, wrong video.
Hang on.
439
00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:19,826
Hello. Betty Hart coming at you,
440
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:23,371
and this is why I should be
on The Amazing Race.
441
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:25,874
Ooh!
442
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:28,084
I just got a splinter
in my crotchal region!
443
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:29,961
-Mother!
-Uh...
444
00:19:30,045 --> 00:19:31,421
Come here, baby.
445
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:32,881
-Let Mama pet you.
446
00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:35,383
Aw, now there's a good boy.
447
00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:37,135
Get to the incriminating one.
448
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:38,470
No, no, no, no, no!
449
00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:41,056
Ow!
You pecked me in my crotchal region!
450
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,903
Security!
Get this woman!
451
00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:01,618
Damn it, Mother.
We had him!
452
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,328
Well, if we had gone with my plan,
453
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:04,913
I could be in the greenroom right now,
454
00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:07,374
rifling through my gift basket
with Michael Strahan!
455
00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:09,793
Ugh, this whole thing got way out of hand.
456
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,878
I just wanted to help Pastor Joanne.
457
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:14,964
Don't worry, Mom.
We brought backup.
458
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:28,144
Oh, my God, what am I doing?
459
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:29,896
What am I doing with my life?
460
00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:32,440
I cannot deceive these people anymore.
461
00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:34,234
We got to shut this place down.
462
00:20:39,823 --> 00:20:43,159
And build a bigger place in Florida
where nobody knows me.
463
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,786
On it, sir.
And the hookers?
464
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:46,496
Yes, bring 'em all.
465
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,206
It's Florida.
They'll love it.
466
00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:57,549
-Wow, this place is hopping.
Wow.
467
00:20:57,632 --> 00:20:59,718
Lots of new faces here.
468
00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:02,554
Guess I better break out the big guns.
469
00:21:06,016 --> 00:21:08,643
When the Lord spoke to John the Baptist,
470
00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:10,562
he had a lot to say.
471
00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:15,191
But in the end,
472
00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,610
God bless America.
473
00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:30,957
474
00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:33,960
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