Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,589
Jenny Hart,
2
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:08,216
welcome to your date night
3
00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:09,718
with all the fixin's.
4
00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:12,762
And I put the rosé in the freezer.
5
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,223
Oh, Wayne! It's a perfect slush.
6
00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:16,850
Madame.
7
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:19,227
Hit pause on the humpin'.
Mama's home.
8
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:20,603
-Oh, what?
-Mother, I thought
9
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:21,771
you were playing bridge.
10
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:24,566
I had a falling out with Norma
11
00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:26,568
about what's the best way
to get to Myrtle Beach,
12
00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:28,903
and the rest of those losers
took her side.
13
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,739
And I'm afraid it's spilled over
into my Bible study
14
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,365
and my quilting group.
15
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:34,993
Thought we finally had a night alone.
16
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:37,537
Oh, my Lord.
She's going through The Purge.
17
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,664
-The what?
-It happens every few years.
18
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,499
She just burns through
an entire swath of friends
19
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:43,418
like a horde of locusts.
20
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,341
Ooh, is that Under the Tuscan Sun?
21
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,343
Oh, I know her.
I know her.
22
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,470
This one thinks she's hot stuff.
23
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,555
Would you look at that smokeshow.
24
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,807
I love me an Italiano.
25
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:01,144
You know what they say--
bushy eyebrows, bushy...
26
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,979
Who was she married to again?
27
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,732
Oh, look. It's Grey's Anatomy.
What's her name?
28
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,067
Sandra Oh.
29
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,276
Sandra O'what?
30
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,779
It's Sandra Oh.
O-H.
31
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,238
Gonna be a long date night.
32
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,407
Hush.
I can't hear Sandra O.H.
33
00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,534
She's talking about
what's going on in Tuscan.
34
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:50,068
Oh, my God, she is crapping
on our date night.
35
00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:52,487
What do we have to do to get her
out and about a little bit?
36
00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:55,365
Oh, I know-- let's get her arrested
and thrown in jail.
37
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:58,118
Yeah. Something with no bail.
Like attempted terrorism?
38
00:01:58,201 --> 00:02:00,036
It's kind of a stretch,
but she is terrorizing us
39
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,746
on a household scale.
40
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,081
We can try to get her thrown
into the looney bin,
41
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:04,666
but she'd just wear 'em down.
42
00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:06,418
Can't she just go get a job?
43
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:08,962
Hmm, Mother getting a job
is not a bad idea.
44
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:10,839
But we can't tell her
it's 'cause we need space,
45
00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:12,132
or else she'll get insulted
and make our lives
46
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:13,633
even more of a living hell.
47
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:15,260
Hey, can y'all
48
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:17,470
help me? I dropped a hard-boiled egg
49
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:20,223
under the furniture, and I cannot find it.
50
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,810
-Can I have your horchata?
-Yeah.
51
00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:25,979
-Can I have your Golden Rounds?
-Yeah.
52
00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:28,148
We make this trade every day.
Should we just tell our parents
53
00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:29,441
to get us different snacks?
54
00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,901
-No, I like the ritual.
-Me, too.
55
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,903
Zing, zing! Die, Father!
56
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,239
-Oh! Real people here! Uh, keep turning.
-Turn, turn. Okay.
57
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,949
-Now go straight. Watch the railing.
-Ooh, watch the railing.
58
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,368
There are so many
stupid cliques at this school.
59
00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:41,619
The cyber geeks.
60
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:42,704
Slime heads.
61
00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:44,581
Wannabe influencers.
62
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,751
It's pathetic that the coolest group
in the school-- us--
63
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,878
doesn't have a bigger presence.
64
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,671
Hmm, can you really call us a group?
65
00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:53,673
A group's at least three people, right?
66
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:56,009
Well, what if we got a third friend?
67
00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:59,262
What? No. It's just us two,
and it's always been us two.
68
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:01,222
No, I'm not talking about
someone equal to us, David.
69
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:04,809
I'm talking about a third
who is on a slightly lower tier.
70
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,854
Okay, now I'm feeling this.
71
00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:10,190
Someone who's sort of in but not fully in,
72
00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:12,108
so we can feed off their desperate energy?
73
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,527
One of these lucky nobodies is about to be
74
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,196
plucked from obscurity.
75
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,536
Jenny! Guess what the hot-ass
UPS guy just brought me?
76
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,872
My Slap Chops!
77
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:28,792
Ugh, I don't think
she's left this house in three days.
78
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,668
Look, we got to get her
the hell out of here,
79
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:33,546
but we got to make her think
getting a job was her idea.
80
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,882
Uh, I'm not good at playing mind games.
81
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,759
It'll be fine.
Just follow my lead.
82
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:39,803
Y'all want to try?
83
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:42,263
No, I can't.
Ugh, I don't have time.
84
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,265
Just gearing up to go to my job.
85
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,768
It's so fun to get out of the house,
have a purpose.
86
00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:49,229
Not just moping around here,
sad and empty inside.
87
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:51,981
Yep, thank God for my job.
Right, Wayne?
88
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,734
Absolutely.
Having a job is the only thing
89
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,528
that keeps me from
putting a gun in my mouth,
90
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:59,239
pulling the trigger
and blowing my head off.
91
00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:02,867
I told you, this is not my area.
92
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,828
Oh, I see what's happening.
93
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:08,206
Y'all are trying to do perverse psychology
on me right now.
94
00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:09,666
Mother, we think you should get a job.
95
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,251
It'll give you something to focus on.
96
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,711
Earn a little pocket money.
97
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:15,964
Oh, hell no.
I gave up working a long time ago.
98
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:17,757
Wait, you had a job?
99
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,676
Jobs. Plural, fool.
100
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,762
I'm no stranger
to the working girl lifestyle.
101
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:25,098
I worked as a secretary.
102
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:28,893
Do you want me
to take a memo, Mr. Stetson?
103
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:32,814
No, but I'd like to take a mammo.
104
00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:36,693
An assistant to the assistant manager
at Hobby Lobby.
105
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,029
You know, Betty,
I-I never crafted jack squat.
106
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,073
I come here to see you.
107
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:46,828
And a line worker
at the Dr. Mister factory.
108
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,832
You know what?
I like earning my keep,
109
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:52,417
and I like being out in the world.
110
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:57,339
And you cannot beat
the inter-office dalliances.
111
00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,716
Thank the Lord
I spent the bulk of last evening
112
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:02,135
Edward Scissorhands-ing
my bathing suit area.
113
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:05,305
Now I'm going out to Kinko's
to work on my resume.
114
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,182
How long do you think
it'll take her to find out
115
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,433
there's no more Kinko's?
116
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,894
I hope she drives around
for two solid days.
117
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:14,272
BOTH We got the house back,
we got the house back.
118
00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,819
Our new friend audition flyer
119
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,488
might be the best thing we've ever done.
120
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:23,948
A hundred thousand percent.
Let's read it one more time.
121
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,533
"It's June 1975.
122
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,452
"You're standing outside CBGB.
123
00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:29,245
"David Byrne comes up to you and says,
124
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,206
"'I'm looking for a fourth Talking Head.'
125
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,750
"That is the scale of this opportunity.
126
00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,502
Are you ready to be one of us?"
127
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:38,546
An opening in the most exclusive
club in town?
128
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:41,549
When the masses find out,
it's gonna be a human stampede.
129
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:45,679
Maybe we need to give it
a little more time.
130
00:05:49,974 --> 00:05:52,227
Um, hey, I'm Parker.
131
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,728
Am I too late for the audition?
132
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,399
Okay, so your name is Parker.
133
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:58,733
It's a nickname.
134
00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,610
'Cause I tend to just
kind of sit in one place.
135
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,612
I gave it to myself.
136
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,572
Sugar-free rock candy?
137
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:09,077
what's your favorite movie?
138
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,955
Um, whatever movie I saw last.
139
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,748
Which was Boss Baby 2.
140
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:18,878
All right,
what music do you listen to?
141
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,922
Oh, yeah, I'm a big music fan.
142
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:26,428
I love, um, instruments, and, uh, vocals.
143
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:29,472
Oh, my God.
144
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,891
We got to get this dud out of here.
145
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,394
He's like if a manila folder
became self-aware.
146
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:35,603
Huh?
147
00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:37,605
Wait, he is a manila folder.
148
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:40,316
Which means he can
hold anything we put in him.
149
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,943
He's a blank slate.
150
00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,445
I don't know.
151
00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:45,321
Do we really have the energy
to build a friend
152
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,823
from the ground up?
153
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,241
Did I mention I have a car?
154
00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:49,409
Okay, you're in.
155
00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:53,163
-Well, somebody got
156
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,040
new batteries in her wiggle stick.
157
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:57,459
What?
No, I'm just in a good mood.
158
00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,919
I've had a whole hour
and a half with no Mother.
159
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,297
Oh, it was a real glimpse
into how it's gonna be
160
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,174
-when she's dead.
-Huh?
161
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,425
I say that with love.
162
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:06,968
I hope y'all are sitting down
163
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:08,970
'cause I have some bad news.
164
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:11,097
That's an expression.
Keep working.
165
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:14,100
We got some negative Yelp reviews, y'all.
166
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:17,062
"No wonder this place
is called the Last Supper,
167
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:20,065
"because the food here
is a biblical plague.
168
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,859
One star."
169
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,986
-Aah!
-Louise, it's just one person's opinion.
170
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,488
It's not that big a deal.
171
00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:28,573
The Internet sucks.
It's only good
172
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,200
getting people to commit
173
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,702
to a long-term relationship
without ever meeting you.
174
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,371
Just ignore it, Louise.
175
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,081
Long story short,
176
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:39,042
people need to get seated quicker,
so I hired a hostess.
177
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,753
Does anybody even work here?
178
00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:45,924
Greetings from your new greeter, y'all!
179
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:49,928
Oh, dear God.
180
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,429
You hired my mother?
181
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:53,598
Test, testing, one-two.
182
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,350
♪ Delta Dawn... ♪
183
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,227
Oh, yeah, this works for me.
184
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,688
-Mother, there are people
185
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:00,689
waiting to be seated.
186
00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:02,273
Well, what are you doing right now?
187
00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:04,651
I am entertaining customers.
188
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,486
The hospitality doesn't end
189
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:08,613
once their butts are in the booths, Jenny.
190
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,573
Now, don't be coy.
191
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,618
I know you must be a model or an actor.
192
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,537
Okay, now, what's this?
193
00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:19,374
I need to try the menu so when people ask,
194
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:21,167
"Is this good?
Is that good?
195
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:22,836
What's this?"
196
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,546
I can have an answer.
197
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,925
Jenny!
My new friends over here
198
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,885
need some more iced teas.
Think fast!
199
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,558
Perfection.
200
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:40,145
So I'm cooler now?
201
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:43,523
A thousand percent,
which brings you up to almost cool.
202
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,025
Ooh, what do we do next?
203
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,485
Should we play something cool
like Frisbee?
204
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:49,487
Sit. We're watching a documentary
205
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,031
about the band Styx.
206
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,283
Oh.
And cool people like them?
207
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:56,619
No.
Parker, this isn't about liking something.
208
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:59,039
It's about enjoying how much
you don't like something.
209
00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:01,124
We like Styx ironically.
210
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,084
Oh, I get it.
211
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:06,421
You don't like it, so you do like it.
212
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:07,839
Okay,
213
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:11,092
I like that my gamgam's in the hospital.
214
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,386
Oh, my God.
We got so much work to do.
215
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,139
And when I told her
I wouldn't give her half my tips,
216
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,099
she wrote my cell phone number on the wall
217
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,309
in the men's bathroom.
218
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,894
So check my phone if you want to know
219
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,562
what every kind of penis looks like.
220
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:25,315
Jenny, a Yelp review
ruined our beautiful plan
221
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,150
and a Yelp review can fix it.
222
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,696
Jenny, there's something I've been meaning
223
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,740
-to tell you for a long...
-Wayne,
224
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,575
are you a secret online vigilante?
225
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:36,951
Oh, come on!
226
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,578
How could you have figured that out?
227
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,538
I gave you zero clues.
228
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:43,333
Anyways, allow me to introduce to you
229
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,251
my online personage,
230
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,003
Ronnie Tim Tanner.
231
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,298
Ex-Green Beret who's also a three-time
232
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:53,426
Olympic medalist in the shot put.
233
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,136
That's great, Wayne,
'cause Louise really listens
234
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,888
to male authority figures online.
235
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,391
Uh, everyone does.
And not only that.
236
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,935
He dedicated his last gold medal
237
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,937
to an inner-city kid
who had beaten cancer.
238
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:07,107
When an ex-military Olympic medalist
with a heart of gold
239
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,234
tells you your small business
is getting sloppy,
240
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:10,527
you listen.
241
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,696
Ronnie Tim and I
single-handedly turned around
242
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:15,115
a Mexican restaurant
that had switched to processed cheese,
243
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:18,201
a mom-and-pop florist
that was churning out bouquets
244
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,203
of filler flowers, and we also got people
245
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,664
to give a second chance to a library
246
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:24,666
where there was a murder
in the parking lot.
247
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,752
Then Ronnie Tim became a raging alcoholic.
248
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,045
Oh, no.
249
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,464
Why?
250
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,133
Currently, Ronnie Tim can only afford
251
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:34,426
to live on a houseboat,
252
00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:36,344
blowing his money on booze and hookers.
253
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:37,762
Any given day, you can see him
254
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:38,972
stumbling around,
255
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,807
trying not to fall off his house.
256
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,100
Poor guy.
257
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,893
-How much more can he take?
258
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,104
And thanks to long-term steroid abuse,
259
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:49,357
he's also got jelly dong.
260
00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:51,192
Oh, no.
261
00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,528
This man has earned the right to be heard.
262
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,405
I think it's time Ronnie Tim
263
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,907
chimed in about the new hostess
at the Last Supper.
264
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,409
On it.
265
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,828
Okay, Parker, you were right.
266
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,455
That eyepatch did affect your driving,
267
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,248
-so you can take it off.
-Now, this, Parker,
268
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:08,251
Mega Lo Mart Bingo.
269
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,587
We point out people
and award each other points
270
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,505
based on how much of a hot mess they are.
271
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,507
Here, I'll show you.
A guy on a Rascal,
272
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:17,635
two American flags, oxygen tank,
buying cigarettes?
273
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,721
-Score, please.
-That is actually pretty common,
274
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:21,431
so that's just 25 points.
275
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,933
Oh, 26, because butt crack.
276
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:28,396
Now, David, what do I get for...
lady in a terrycloth jumpsuit,
277
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,940
drinking a 72-hour energy drink
that she hasn't paid for yet.
278
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,443
She isn't shopping,
she's clearly just in here waiting
279
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:36,946
for something to blow over.
280
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,282
Oh, my God, that's 95 points.
281
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,867
Oh, now look at this, Violet.
282
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:44,037
Kid sniffing deodorants,
greasy hair, anime bowling shirt.
283
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,330
I don't even know what to give that.
284
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:46,539
That's my boy, Brian.
285
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:48,875
-Brian!
-Hey, Parker.
286
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,211
You got to smell the new Axe.
It's off the chain.
287
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:54,297
My mom's gonna be so excited
for her fresh-smelling boy.
288
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,132
Wait, you know this guy?
289
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,301
Of course I do.
I invited him.
290
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,970
You have other friends?
W-Why did you audition?
291
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,556
Hey, I never turn down
a chance for friendship.
292
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:07,477
Violet and David
are the coolest people I've ever met.
293
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,646
They're teaching me about irony.
294
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,815
It's like when you say you love something
295
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,651
-that you actually hate.
-Ooh, let me try.
296
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,862
I love that my mom's work friend
opened the bathroom door on me
297
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,698
while I was peeing last night.
298
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,909
Well, nice meeting you, Brian.
299
00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:24,661
That's what my mom's work friend said
300
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,288
as he shut the bathroom door.
301
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,666
♪ Look around the world, pretty baby ♪
302
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,209
♪ Is it everything... ♪
303
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,920
This is the worst song I've ever heard.
304
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,506
Total ear acid.
305
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,426
My foot's tapping.
Why?
306
00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:40,802
♪ Look around your world, pretty baby... ♪
307
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,387
Stop it.
308
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:44,848
♪ Is it everything you hoped
it would be? ♪
309
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,266
No!
What's happening?
310
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:48,560
Man, listen to those instruments.
311
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:51,771
♪ The wrong guy, the wrong situation ♪
312
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:55,025
♪ The right time to roll to me... ♪
313
00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:02,032
That review we sent
wasn't too mean, right?
314
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,034
No way.
315
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,871
I mean, there's not a mean bone
in Ronnie Tim's body.
316
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:13,001
Unless he's drinking.
317
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:16,171
Here's a review from Ronnie Tim Tanner.
318
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:18,048
"If I could give that vulgar,
319
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:22,052
"dumb-as-a-bag-of-pine-cones
hostess zero stars, I would.
320
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,679
"As a former Olympian,
I'm here to tell you
321
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:27,515
"that if they gave gold medals
for being terrible at your job
322
00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:30,018
"and having devil eyes,
323
00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:32,479
"Betty Hart would be
on that middle podium,
324
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:34,105
"slaughtering 'The Star-Spangled Banner'
325
00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:37,067
with those Funyuns she calls vocal cords."
326
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,737
"Also, the rude hostess made a ton
327
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,822
"of graphic personal phone calls
328
00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:44,866
"and said the owner of the establishment
329
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:47,160
had a bird face"?
330
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:48,828
Bird face?
331
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:50,622
Bird face?
332
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:53,249
Oh, here comes Birdface.
333
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,709
Hi!
334
00:13:57,087 --> 00:14:00,507
So, Betty, I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to let you go.
335
00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:15,063
Welp, that's the end
of Betty Hart at the Last Supper.
336
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:16,690
Good for you, Birdface.
337
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:25,156
All right, looks like my baby
needs a spanking.
338
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,368
Time to fight fire with fire.
339
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,539
Rex? Yeah, it's Betty.
I need a favor.
340
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:34,040
Anything you need, Bet.
341
00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:36,710
I got two Judases who need
a piece of their own medicine.
342
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:40,255
What you want-- frame job,
rough-up, full-blown murder?
343
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:41,923
No, I'll tell you what I need--
344
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:44,801
an Internet smear campaign via Yelp.
345
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,470
Put the word out-- the nastier the review,
346
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,305
the nastier the reward.
347
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,099
-Betty Hart?
-On it.
-Anything for Betty.
348
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:52,684
Betty, I miss you.
349
00:14:57,522 --> 00:15:00,442
Jenny, can I talk to you?
350
00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,654
Louise, what did you do to your face?
351
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:06,322
Oh, I was just trying some contouring
352
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,283
to make my nose look like less of a beak.
353
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:11,369
Anyway, Jenny, I was just going
through my Yelps,
354
00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:16,833
and you are named in no less
than 17 one-star reviews.
355
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,960
-Oh, what?
-Oh, yup.
356
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:20,837
One said you don't wash your hands.
357
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,922
Another said you spit in all the food
358
00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:25,884
-and that it's a sexual thing.
359
00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:28,970
Thanks for letting us stop here.
360
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:30,472
Bri and I cannot pass
361
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,474
Boingzone's Jumptastic Trampatheater
362
00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,476
without grabbing a few jumps.
363
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,478
How did we end up
in this vanilla nightmare?
364
00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:38,646
I mean, look at these snooze-os.
365
00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:43,860
We still hate this, right?
366
00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:48,114
I'm really enjoying this.
367
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:50,158
Ironically or unironically?
368
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:51,868
Unclear.
369
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,578
Look how high we're getting.
370
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:54,662
-Yeah.
-You're right.
371
00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:55,997
-Whoa.
-Maybe it's too high.
372
00:15:56,081 --> 00:15:58,666
Agreed.
Everything in moderation.
373
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,502
Hey, nice moderate jumps.
374
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:01,920
Right at the recommended level.
375
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:02,921
Thanks.
376
00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:04,172
You want to jump with us?
377
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,174
Sure.
I have some pals, too.
378
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,842
Mind if they jump along?
379
00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:10,220
You know Boingzone's motto.
380
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:13,181
You can never have too many hoppers.
381
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:15,725
Wait a minute. We just wanted
one new friend to push around,
382
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,936
and now he's somehow in charge?
383
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:20,355
We... have... to...
384
00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:22,565
put a stop... to this.
385
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,859
Yeah... sucks.
386
00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:27,696
We'll do... one game of...
bouncy basketball,
387
00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:29,030
and then we'll tell 'em what's up.
388
00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:31,866
Exactly.
No more than two games of bouncy ball,
389
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,159
and then we're done.
390
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:42,669
Hey, Mom,
I hope you're having a great day.
391
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,880
I was just reading
one of my latest Yelp reviews,
392
00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:48,425
and one of them was all about my B.O.,
393
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,552
and the other says I ignore the elderly.
394
00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:52,679
Can you believe that?
395
00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:54,389
No.
That's so awful
396
00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:58,476
that an anonymous person
would slander you like that.
397
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,729
These Internet people
can be brutal, can't they?
398
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:03,189
Yes, they can.
399
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:09,612
Uh-oh, what'd I walk into?
400
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,322
Wayne, I thought you were at work.
401
00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:12,949
Nope, I got sent home
402
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,285
'cause Bigsby's
got a Yelp review that said
403
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:18,204
"Wayne Edwards pee-pees
in the floor sample toilets
404
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,623
and thinks the DMV did 9/11."
405
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,292
Mother.
406
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,002
I'm as upset as you are,
407
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:27,964
and, boy, I hope more bad
Yelp reviews aren't on the way.
408
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,842
But something tells me
they sure as hell are.
409
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:34,179
Wayne, I, I think you've got
some e-mails to write,
410
00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:35,180
don't you?
411
00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:37,057
Yeah, okay.
412
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,483
What are you waiting for, soft boy?
413
00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:49,402
You caused this, Wayne.
414
00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:51,363
Huh?
Who's talking to me right now?
415
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:54,115
It's me, Olympic hero Ronnie Tim.
416
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,617
Can't you see me?
417
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,285
Focus on my voice.
418
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:01,289
Wow, this is exactly how I imagined it.
419
00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:04,709
Wayne, I know you created me
with good intentions,
420
00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:06,628
and we put quite a few small businesses
421
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:08,380
on the right track together,
422
00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:11,007
but this isn't online justice.
423
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:12,467
It's trolling,
424
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:15,053
and I can't be a part of that anymore.
425
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:17,514
I'm gonna solve this for the both of us.
426
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,850
Ronnie Tim!
427
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:22,811
No!
428
00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:26,272
Y'all, get off your devices.
429
00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:29,484
We've got to hash this out
in the real world, face-to-face.
430
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,778
Betty, I was the one
who came up with the idea
431
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:35,156
to write the negative review
to get you fired.
432
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,659
-From the job y'all told me to get.
Yes,
433
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:40,161
but what we should have told you
from the very beginning is
434
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:42,080
sometimes we need space from you.
435
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:45,166
Well...
436
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,045
There it is, y'all.
437
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:51,047
Mother, get away from the knife drawer.
438
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,549
I'm just getting my keys.
439
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,009
I'm gonna go hang out with people
440
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:57,053
who actually want to see me.
441
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,726
How come we're not sitting
closer to Parker?
442
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,728
This is bullcrap.
443
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,730
Parker's one job was to love and adore us.
444
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,898
But then he goes and adds
all these other strays?
445
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:10,817
We got to tell Parker
to just cut them loose.
446
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,446
Hey, Parker, can we talk?
447
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,908
Yeah, I need to talk to you, too.
448
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:23,371
We've had a vote and we decided--
ah, I hate this--
449
00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:26,875
but you guys don't belong
in our group anymore.
450
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:28,001
Your group?
451
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,419
Yeah, we had a vote,
452
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,589
and I'm afraid you two
are gonna have to bounce,
453
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,591
and not in the awesome way.
454
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,676
Wait, you're kicking us out?
455
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,304
Don't worry,
whenever no one else is around,
456
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:42,349
I'll totally be friends with you.
457
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:44,601
Also, I just want you to know
458
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:48,104
I didn't enjoy hanging out with you today.
459
00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:53,443
Ooh, you want to go flag down motorists
460
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,861
like it's an emergency,
461
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,529
and then, when they pull over,
call them pedos?
462
00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,073
Get out of my head.
463
00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:00,075
Good call on carryout.
464
00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:01,409
Oh, it's gonna feel so good
465
00:20:01,493 --> 00:20:03,703
eating these Bloomin' Onions
in an empty house.
466
00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:05,205
I'd eat a box of hair
467
00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:07,832
as long as we get to eat it
in an empty house.
468
00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:10,585
♪ Empty house is just you and me ♪
469
00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:11,836
♪ We can bone in the kitchen ♪
470
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,714
♪ And no one'll see. ♪
471
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,890
Now, why'd y'all make me rush home?
472
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:26,559
All my girlfriends were so disappointed
473
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:27,852
I had to bail early.
474
00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:30,772
Well, I'm sure
all your best friends will miss you,
475
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:33,483
but the thing is,
Wayne and I need you more.
476
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,194
Uh, yeah, we realized date night
477
00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,405
just wasn't the same without you.
478
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:40,740
I thought y'all needed space.
479
00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:44,285
Yes, Mother,
sometimes that will be the case.
480
00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:46,079
But tonight we were hoping
481
00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:48,998
you'd join us for family date night.
482
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,418
What are we watching?
483
00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:53,253
Ooh, she has let herself go.
484
00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:54,421
Who's she married to again?
485
00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:55,422
That's not his real hair.
486
00:20:55,505 --> 00:20:56,923
She's put on weight.
487
00:20:57,007 --> 00:20:58,508
Isn't he a druggie?
488
00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:03,513
I don't trust that guy.
489
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,056
Those aren't his real teeth.
490
00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:06,516
Wait, and is that a wig?
491
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,852
Ten dollars says that man is fully bald.
492
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:11,104
He barely even has eyebrows left.
493
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:13,940
I think I might be
enjoying this unironically.
494
00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:15,191
What does that mean?
495
00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,736
Think it means
if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
496
00:21:17,819 --> 00:21:19,529
I'm sorry, but that lady
has had too much work done.
497
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:22,449
Yeah, the only acting
she can do is wide awake.
498
00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:25,410
Listen up, y'all, somebody's
gonna jump out any second.
499
00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:27,746
They should've put
Cassandra Bullock in this one.
500
00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:29,581
Y'all, I'm telling you, any second...
501
00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:31,666
-Oh, my God!
502
00:21:31,750 --> 00:21:33,918
that's a man.
503
00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:35,920
504
00:21:36,004 --> 00:21:39,007
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
37604
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof