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00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:07,007
HOST
Hang on to your guac,
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00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:09,384
'cause it's time for...
3
00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:12,554
America's... Funniest... People
4
00:00:12,637 --> 00:00:14,222
Getting Out of... a Booth
5
00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:18,184
in a Mexican... Restaurant.
6
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:22,105
Uh-oh. Looks like Junior
has to go to the little señor's room.
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00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:23,523
"This vinyl booth is sticky.
8
00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,400
Why did I wear shorts?"
9
00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:28,111
Ooh-hoo, my thighs are stinging
just looking at that.
10
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:32,699
This.
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00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,035
This is how I want to remember y'all.
12
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:36,619
Gram, are you okay?
13
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,205
Violet, I want you to have this.
14
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:44,127
-200 AC/
-DC dollars
from the "Moneytalks" tour.
15
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:46,129
Since Brexit, they're worth more
16
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,547
than the pound.
17
00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:48,965
Thanks?
18
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,926
Wayne, take care of my Jenny.
19
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:55,889
And just know that I was hard on you
'cause I care about you.
20
00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:57,599
Um... thanks?
21
00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,392
What the heck is going on?
22
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,353
This is extra, even for Gram.
23
00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:02,979
Ugh.
Oh, no.
24
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,231
A few years ago,
that stupid psychic she goes to
25
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:06,900
told her what day she was gonna die.
26
00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,360
Violet, hand me that calendar.
27
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:10,904
Yup, it's today all right.
28
00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:12,989
Oh, so she seriously
thinks she's gonna die
29
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,575
by the stroke of midnight?
Amazing.
30
00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:18,578
Oh... Lord!
31
00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:21,039
And, Jenny, my precious angel...
32
00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:22,499
Oh, it's still going.
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I can only imagine how hard it was
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00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,086
for you to have such a strong
35
00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:28,213
and captivating woman as your mother.
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00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,173
But soon you'll be free
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00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:33,343
from the pressure of living in my shadow.
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00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:35,804
-Good Lord.
39
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:38,973
Anything else you want to say
before I go to be with Jesus?
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00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,892
Fine, Mother, you were never,
ever a burden,
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00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:42,519
a great mom, and every day was a gift.
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00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:46,272
Oh, thank you, baby,
for telling me the truth.
43
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:52,570
Fare thee well, mon Ferrero Rochers.
44
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,833
How do you like your
blue-eyed girl, Mr. Death?
45
00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:07,836
Jesus, I am coming your way.
46
00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:10,463
And three, two.
47
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,966
Oh, what the hell?!
48
00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:16,094
I've been bamboozled!
49
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,672
Oh, are you going fishing
with your ding-dong friends today?
50
00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:55,008
Hey, those ding-dong friends
are my friends.
51
00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:57,052
And getting them
to go fishing was not easy.
52
00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:59,637
Their idea of what's fun
is pretty different than mine.
53
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,431
Hey, homes.
54
00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,683
Five bucks says
you won't eat this light bulb.
55
00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:05,226
-You're on.
-No!
56
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,729
Guys, do not jump into the garden center.
57
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:09,356
You will break your ankles.
58
00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:11,399
We already broke our ankles.
59
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:13,276
You can't rebreak an ankle.
60
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,613
Insulation smackdown!
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00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:19,657
You guys, that fiberglass
is gonna make you itchy as hell.
62
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:22,369
Sounds like you're itching
to get tackled, homie.
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00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,914
Their credo is basically
"What doesn't kill me
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00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,707
-makes me funner."
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00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:31,169
Well, like Jesus once said, "I'm back."
66
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:33,546
Betty, I'm so glad you're still with us.
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00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,507
Don't rub it in, Wayne.
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00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:37,300
Gram, just so you know,
I was gonna pretend you were a ghost
69
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,094
when you came out,
but Mom wouldn't let me.
70
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,304
Thank you, baby. Stupid psychic.
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00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:46,476
put a casket on layaway,
got a mold of my bust
72
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,728
to be sent to the original
members of Whitesnake,
73
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:52,440
and let's not forget
the Betty Hart Memorial Garden.
74
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:53,942
Yeah, who could have predicted
75
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,527
former interior decorator- turned-psychic
76
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:58,113
Vohnnie Ray Power
would have ripped you off?
77
00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:00,365
Yeah, technically, he ripped you off.
78
00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,367
I used your bank card.
79
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,828
Seriously?! Ooh, you are such
a pain in my butt all the time.
80
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,204
We are going down there right now
81
00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:08,164
and getting our... my money back.
82
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,791
I'm so excited.
83
00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:11,292
Do you think Vohnnie Ray
knows we're on our way?
84
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,711
-No.
-Oh, yes.
85
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:16,881
I can't believe you're making us
go fishing, homes.
86
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:19,009
And I can't believe
you wouldn't let me ride
87
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,761
Cape Fear style on the way over here.
88
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:25,265
I'm not letting you strap
yourself under my truck, Doug.
89
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,934
Whoa, what the hell is this?
90
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,103
That there is either
91
00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:33,815
God's biggest mistake
or the devil's masterpiece.
92
00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:35,817
It's called a snakehead,
93
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,194
and it's been gobbling up
everything in sight
94
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,488
in every waterway on the East Coast.
95
00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:42,240
And now it's here in Greenpoint.
96
00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:44,075
Yeah? So what?
We got a new fish.
97
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:45,493
What's the big deal, brahs?
98
00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:48,705
This is no ordinary "fursh"!
99
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,541
It can breathe on land
for hours at a time.
100
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:54,878
It's as smart as a dumb
five-year-old child.
101
00:04:54,961 --> 00:05:00,425
And it secretes a neurotoxin
that is more powerful than LSD.
102
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:01,885
Oh, hell yeah.
103
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,928
Aw, got to catch that fish, homes.
104
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:05,388
Geez, where did it come from?
105
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,432
They say Asia, but if you ask me,
106
00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,476
they are not of this world.
107
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,186
They're killing all the fish.
108
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,355
And they're coming after us next, boys.
109
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:16,107
Ruth, don't scare the customers.
110
00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:18,151
But, seriously,
if y'all do catch a snakehead,
111
00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:19,778
do not put it back in the water.
112
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,655
Put it on ice,
and call the snakehead tip line.
113
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,324
-Aah!
114
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,284
Did you just huff an airhorn?
115
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,495
Ever since my run-in with a snakehead,
116
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:31,456
it's the only thing that keeps me sane.
117
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,251
Like we have a hundred dollars
118
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,836
-to spend on this horse crap.
-Oh, what do you care?
119
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,339
When I was about to die,
you didn't even sniff.
120
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,675
Let me in, you dollar store sorcerer!
121
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,760
I cannot wait for this spiritual
shaman to confirm
122
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:48,264
that I am a witch.
123
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,183
Violet, you are not a witch.
124
00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:53,269
I have BWE-- big witch energy.
125
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:56,314
Where are you?
Come on out, Nostra-dumb-ass.
126
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,400
Hello? Hello?
127
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,612
Sorry.
I just was in the little wizard's room.
128
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,950
Betty Jean Hart, as I live and breathe!
129
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,743
More like, as I live and breathe.
130
00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:10,745
You told me my death day was yesterday,
131
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:12,789
and here I am, still alive.
132
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,041
That is a refund situation.
133
00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:18,461
We're not leaving
until you give us our money back.
134
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:21,715
Oh.
Oh, I see what's going on here.
135
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:24,426
Betty, you thought I was talking
about your physical death,
136
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:28,013
but what I was talking about was
your metaphorical death.
137
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,347
-Here we go.
138
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:30,765
Of course.
139
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,600
How could I have ever
doubted you, Vohnnie?
140
00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:34,436
You're still giving our money back.
141
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,521
Minus the cost of this book--
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00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:38,773
Motherhood, Witchcraft,
and the Ties That Bind.
143
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,734
I have to have it.
Please, please, please.
144
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:45,280
Oh, no. Hold on a second.
I'm sensing a dark energy.
145
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:46,531
Yes!
I knew it.
146
00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:47,949
It's me.
Here it comes.
147
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,367
Wow, wow, wow, wow.
148
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:52,787
No, it's coming from her.
149
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:55,248
-What?
-Betty, I don't know how to tell you this,
150
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:57,208
but your daughter is cursed.
151
00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:58,835
Going back a long way.
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00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:01,338
It's in her blood.
153
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,089
Oh, so I ask for our money back,
and suddenly I'm cursed?
154
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,758
Okay, watch this.
155
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:06,634
So how much to lift this convenient curse
156
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,094
you just discovered?
157
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,972
Oh, I'm afraid this curse runs so dark
158
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:14,267
and so deep,
no amount of money can lift it.
159
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,603
-No! My daughter!
-But since I'm her daughter,
160
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,063
I've got some of it, right?
161
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,856
I'm at least a minor hag or a necromancer?
162
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,317
Ugh! I can't be around
all y'all's darkness!
163
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,611
This reading was free.
Take the book. Just get out!
164
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:27,030
At least tell me my real death date.
165
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,490
Or better yet, hers.
166
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,617
When am I gonna bury my daughter?
167
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,370
Y'all saw what just happened, right?
168
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,330
He made us think
we saved a hundred dollars
169
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:38,208
when all he did was keep
the hundred he already had.
170
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,043
But, Jenny, you're cursed.
171
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,544
Oh, come on.
I'm not cursed.
172
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,296
That's ridiculous.
173
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,466
Oh, no, no, hang on.
174
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,259
A bird bathrooming on you
is considered good luck.
175
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:52,764
What does it mean
when two more birds poop on you?
176
00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:55,892
It means you're triple lucky,
so nothing's wrong.
177
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,354
Just stepped in dog doo, then gum.
178
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,897
I know what I stepped in.
179
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,941
Uh, Mom?
180
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:07,153
Ugh!
Still there!
181
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,784
Ugh!
Just get in the car!
182
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:15,245
See, isn't this nice?
183
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,665
Nobody's eating glass
or other non-food items.
184
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:22,252
Let's just take a minute
and enjoy the sounds of nature.
185
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,339
You hooked my eyelid!
186
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,091
Aah, dang it!
187
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,176
You got my eyelid, too, homes.
188
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,804
Oh, Wayne, get a picture of this.
189
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:35,306
Okay, you know what?
Maybe we should just pull the boat in
190
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,434
and then just go home and go to sleep.
191
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,562
This is crazy. That fish
192
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,188
-looks just like the snake...
193
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,273
Oh, my God!
194
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:51,614
No. Come here, bastard.
195
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,035
Let go, homes.
196
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,786
Let me lick that LSD fish.
197
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,621
Yeah, you heard what that lady said.
198
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,457
-This fish is full of drugs.
-No.
199
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:04,127
She said that its slime
is a dangerous neurotoxin.
200
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,379
That's why I want to lick it.
201
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:07,756
Nobody's messing with this fish.
202
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,174
We had a hard enough time
203
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:10,800
getting it into the cooler
without touching it.
204
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:14,054
Okay, Wayne. You're right.
We shouldn't lick it.
205
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:16,890
Oh, we should fast-track that buzz
by putting it in our rears.
206
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:19,184
You know, booty-chug that thing, dude.
207
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:22,062
Oh, hell yeah!
Let's keister that fish!
208
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:23,897
No.
No licking, no keistering.
209
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,315
We're gonna follow the instructions
210
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,734
and call the snakehead tip line...
211
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:30,362
Hello? Snakehead tip line?
This is Wayne Edwards.
212
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:33,490
I have a snakehead,
and if y'all don't pay us $20,000,
213
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,533
-I'm-a set it free.
-What?! What are you doing?
214
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:37,952
It's the most wanted fish
in North Carolina, man.
215
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,955
People would pay us good money
to not release this hostage.
216
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:43,333
-It's a reverse ransom.
-Terrible idea.
217
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,668
Now give me... that... phone.
218
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,212
The snakehead!
219
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:50,298
Dang, that thing
really can survive on land.
220
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:52,676
I hate to be the I-told-you-so guy,
221
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,469
but this whole thing
could have been avoided
222
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,513
if that fish was in my rear.
223
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,641
Welp, looks like this fishing trip
224
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,310
just turned into a hunting trip.
225
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,649
Can't believe you're cursed.
Lucky.
226
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,401
Violet, what are you wearing?
227
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,319
Well, you heard what Vohnnie said.
I'm not a witch.
228
00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:13,405
I'm just a total boring normal.
229
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:16,408
Might as well just go ahead
and embrace my lame destiny.
230
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,785
Meanwhile, in a minute,
you'll probably have snakes
231
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,995
crawling out of your earholes and stuff.
232
00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:23,623
Violet, I'm not cursed.
Curses aren't real.
233
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:25,625
Ow!
Who moved this table?!
234
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,877
Hi, Jenny.
You got a little surprise in the mail.
235
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,839
Hmm. Okay. Now, would a cursed person
get a nice surprise
236
00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:33,299
in the mail?
I don't think so.
237
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:35,218
You got jury duty.
238
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,678
I thought you said it was a surprise.
239
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,680
You seem surprised.
240
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,141
When you're dancing with the devil,
241
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,642
could you put in a bad word for me?
242
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,853
See if you can get me some Carrie powers.
243
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,771
There is no curse.
244
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:49,190
Okay?
I'm just having a bad day.
245
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:51,443
-Bad things happen to one person
246
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:52,777
over and over again all the time.
247
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:54,279
It's called life.
248
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:55,655
-And when you're an adult...
-Mom.
249
00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:56,865
...life just starts to feel
250
00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,533
-like one big curse.
-Mom.
251
00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,702
But you have to power through.
252
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:02,370
-Mom, your bed's on fire!
253
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:03,955
Oh, my God!
254
00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:06,291
I'm cursed.
255
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,585
Why'd you have to use my phone?
256
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,503
Now they're gonna trace the call
and come after us.
257
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,922
Oh, come on, Wayne.
Holding this fish for ransom's
258
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,758
gonna be way more fun
than regular fishing.
259
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,052
Doing ransom is not fun.
260
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,845
Look, homeses.
261
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,263
Let's grab it.
262
00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:23,850
Easy.
Easy, now.
263
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,060
Gotcha!
264
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,982
Please, Wayne, I need your help.
265
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:32,901
I need to get back to my home planet,
266
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:37,113
Blockteetapolakatatee 7.
267
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,240
And this is a real-life E.T. situation.
268
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,117
No.
269
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,703
E.T.s are my species' mortal enemy.
270
00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:46,498
Everyone thinks they're so cute,
271
00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:49,918
but they're actually
a planet of serial fondlers.
272
00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:53,338
They fondle our nips and bits, Wayne.
273
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:57,217
-What?
Oh, the things
they do to us, Wayne.
274
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,594
The inappropriate jokes,
275
00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:02,764
commenting on the size of our mucus sacs.
276
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:05,975
We always have to say,
"Our eyes are up here."
277
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,477
And those light-up fingers?
278
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,313
Oh, they put them everywhere.
279
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:13,650
Everywhere, Wayne!
280
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,028
Hold on.
You're talking about that cute little dude
281
00:12:17,112 --> 00:12:18,822
in the Blossom hat
that eats Reese's Pieces?
282
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:23,535
What's cute on your planet
is aggressively creepy on ours.
283
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:25,328
So, what are you doing here?
284
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:30,750
We need a new homeworld,
and yours looks delicious.
285
00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,752
Pretty standard sci-fi stuff.
286
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,879
-Wait, so you mean...
-Ding, ding, ding.
287
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:37,465
Winner, winner, human dinner.
288
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:40,802
-No! No!
289
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:44,848
Wayne, you okay, man?
290
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,895
Aw, it got away, homes.
291
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:52,564
Wayne, are you all right?
292
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:54,149
You fellas wanted to go fishing?
293
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:56,234
-Not really, but okay.
-Well...
294
00:12:57,318 --> 00:13:00,280
-We're going fishing.
Huh?
295
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:02,365
Whoop, do you think
there was any on my han...
296
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:07,787
What in the hell?
297
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:09,664
This is it.
The beginning of the end.
298
00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:12,083
I mean, who even knows
if I'm gonna wake up tomorrow.
299
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:13,543
None of this would have happened
if you hadn't
300
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:16,838
roped me into your phony-baloney
psychic BS, Mother.
301
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,423
Says the woman who thinks she's cursed.
302
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,883
Well, what else could it be?
303
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,718
A row of sick crows diarrhea-ed on me.
304
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,178
And I tried to play it off at the time,
305
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,805
but that bird poo was very warm,
which is gross.
306
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:28,266
Then I broke my toe.
And the crap cherry on top
307
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:31,353
-was that I also got jury duty.
-Wait, jury duty?
308
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,271
Yeah.
That's the one you want to focus on?
309
00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:35,440
Hello, Gram.
Bed of fire?
310
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,233
Well, I don't know if this helps or hurts,
311
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,445
but I think the jury duty thing
might be on me.
312
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:44,282
How is it that
I've gotten jury duty twice in three years
313
00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:46,826
and my daughter hasn't had to do it once?
314
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:49,913
Huh, is that so?
Well, I'll be sure to let them know.
315
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,039
Why would you say that?
Ow!
316
00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:53,333
That is the fifth time
that has happened today.
317
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:56,753
Again, y'all, I don't know
if this helps or hurts,
318
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,713
but I think I caused your broken toe
319
00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:01,049
and probably that knee thing
that just happened.
320
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:04,552
-How?
-To counteract the curse,
I feng shui-ed the house
321
00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:07,138
and moved all the furniture over
an inch and a half.
322
00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:08,640
Oh, and that bird poop?
323
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:10,475
We might have another helps/hurts here.
324
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:13,937
I may have spit my gum out
and dropped a bunch of prunes,
325
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,022
Jolly Ranchers and other purse items
326
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:18,858
onto the sidewalk outside
the psychic Vohnnie's house.
327
00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:21,611
-Why did you have all that?
-Because she's insane.
328
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,113
It doesn't matter.
329
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,906
So, a few of those curse things were you,
330
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:27,283
but there's no way you caused
my bed to catch on fire.
331
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,745
-No way, Jose. That one was all curse.
-I was wrong.
332
00:14:30,829 --> 00:14:32,038
Curses aren't fun.
333
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:34,082
They're horrifying.
Aah!
334
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:36,084
What the heck is that?
335
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:38,128
Gram, I don't know if this helps or hurts,
336
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,213
but it looks like
your crystal dream catcher
337
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:42,173
is an Etsy death ray.
338
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:44,426
Oh, great.
I know what that means.
339
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:46,845
I'm the albatross around your neck.
340
00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:49,681
I'm the one who's been ruining your life.
341
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:51,391
I'm the curse.
342
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,728
Jenny, this is the part where you say
343
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:57,105
I've never been a burden, I'm a great mom
344
00:14:57,188 --> 00:14:58,773
and every day is a gift.
345
00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:00,817
No. I'm starting to realize
that all the bad things
346
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,152
that have happened to me all these years
347
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,695
are because of you.
You're the curse.
348
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:07,282
You're the dog poop and gum on my shoe.
349
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:12,537
All right, soldiers.
Stay frosty.
350
00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:16,666
I've been in its head.
I know how it thinks.
351
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,418
-Wayne is so cool now.
-This is so not boring, homes.
352
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:21,004
Whoa, whoa!
Don't step there.
353
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,672
Trip wire.
354
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:25,133
Nothing's getting in or out of here
355
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,968
without us knowing it.
356
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,265
Shh!
You hear that?
357
00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:34,642
It's in the trees.
358
00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:37,812
It's a fish. There's no way it's in the...
359
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:39,147
Don't let him lay his eggs in you!
360
00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:41,733
Ugh!
361
00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:44,152
-Hey! Hey!
362
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:46,988
-It took the car keys.
-Looks like our fishing trip
363
00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,907
that turned into a hunting trip
364
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:51,326
just turned into a camping trip.
365
00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:57,749
So cold.
So thirsty.
366
00:15:57,832 --> 00:15:59,918
Yeah, you're thirsty.
367
00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:01,586
But I bet I know who's thirstier.
368
00:16:03,672 --> 00:16:07,801
Snakehead!
369
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,636
I know you can't breathe on land forever.
370
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,805
I'm guessing you could really use
371
00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,556
-a little H2
-O right now.
372
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,392
All you got to do is come out
373
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,686
-and get it.
374
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,150
That's it.
375
00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:26,736
Gotcha!
376
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,406
-Wayne!
377
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,616
-Oh, man.
378
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,702
He even died cool.
379
00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:42,377
Snakehead, time for you to phone home.
380
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:45,964
-Gram, please stop packing.
381
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:47,215
You are not moving out.
382
00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:48,925
Violet, you heard your mother.
383
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:51,386
I am a curse on this family.
384
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:54,848
I should have died on my death day.
385
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,558
Mother, you're being ridiculous.
386
00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:58,893
Use my rolling suitcase.
You can fit more crap in there.
387
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:01,479
Mom, why are you encouraging her?
388
00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:02,772
Because she's a pain in my butt.
389
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:05,233
She always has been, she always will be.
390
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:07,944
Look, we drive each other crazy,
so maybe we need a little break.
391
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,529
Or a big one.
392
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:11,239
-Gram,
393
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:12,991
don't you think it's a little melodramatic
394
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:15,035
to storm out of a house that you own?
395
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,870
Violet, hush.
Stay out of this.
396
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,371
Don't you yell at my grandbaby.
397
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,373
-Mother, shut up.
-Once I waltz out that door,
398
00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:21,374
-she's all I got left.
-Stop making this all about you.
399
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:23,001
Look, we drive each other crazy...
400
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:23,668
Don't you yell at my grandbaby.
401
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:27,297
Mother, you're being ridiculous.
402
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:31,259
Mom, Gram, stop.
I'm getting a vision.
403
00:17:31,343 --> 00:17:33,678
I know how to solve this.
404
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,062
Mayor Webb!
405
00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:44,397
Did the snakehead tip line
tell you about our call?
406
00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:47,484
Told me?
I am the snakehead tip line.
407
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,402
I'm also the anonymous
illegal dumping tip line
408
00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:51,112
and the suicide hotline,
409
00:17:51,196 --> 00:17:53,323
but they're the same number,
so whenever I answer the phone,
410
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,867
I just say, "Don't throw it all away."
411
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:58,703
It works for both.
Well, anyway,
412
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:00,497
-I have your 20 grand.
-Forget about the money.
413
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,290
We got to destroy this fish.
414
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:03,833
And call the Marines, the Coast Guard
415
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,126
and the Men in Blacks,
416
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,878
'cause I got word there's more coming.
417
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:08,922
More coming?
418
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:13,385
We're surrounded.
419
00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:18,598
♪ Oh ♪
420
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:27,607
♪ Sea is neat, but land is grand ♪
421
00:18:27,691 --> 00:18:30,026
♪ Who needs the water
when you've got sand? ♪
422
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:34,698
♪ No thanks, gills,
we've got the thrills of land ♪
423
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,872
♪ Underwater is just all wet ♪
424
00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:45,458
♪ So we became a double threat ♪
425
00:18:45,542 --> 00:18:47,877
♪ Terra firma ♪
426
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:50,255
♪ Just got more squirma. ♪
427
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:52,465
Fellas. Fellas.
428
00:18:52,549 --> 00:18:54,509
Are you okay?
429
00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:59,973
Classic snakehead hallucination.
430
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:02,726
The fish. The fish!
Where is he? Did you get him?
431
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,227
No, you did.
432
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,563
You're a hero, Wayne.
433
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,398
You passed out, but you never let go.
434
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,317
What's gonna happen to the fish, homes?
435
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:14,029
We'll return him to Asia,
where he can start a new life
436
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:16,281
with his family in his natural habitat.
437
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:17,490
Ah!
438
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:26,833
Violet, what is all this?
439
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:29,085
The ceremony works best
440
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:31,588
if we're close to the moon.
441
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,006
Or whatever.
442
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:35,842
-A séance?
-It's the only way.
443
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:38,053
"Spirits of the alternate realm,
444
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:41,681
"we summon thee and ask of you
this one simple favor.
445
00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:45,352
-Do not lift this curse."
-Wait, wh-wh-wh-wh-what?
446
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:48,855
Look, all daughters
are driven crazy by their moms,
447
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,565
and all mothers are driven crazy
448
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:52,108
trying to protect their daughters.
449
00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:53,943
So, I'm not a curse on Jenny?
450
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,488
Oh, no, you definitely are.
And Mom's a curse to me.
451
00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:59,199
I mean, I've already inherited
her stubbornness,
452
00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:01,534
just like she inherited your gullibility.
453
00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:04,287
And you are totally turning
into Gram, but that's okay.
454
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:07,165
Our quirks are annoying,
but they shape who we are
455
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:08,541
and connect us to each other.
456
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,377
The important thing here
457
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:14,047
is no matter what,
we love each other to death.
458
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,341
So, curse, do your worst.
459
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,551
So I have said, so let it be done.
460
00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:20,887
So I have said,
461
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,056
so let it be done.
462
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:25,642
-Great. I guess we're done here.
Violet,
463
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,060
spit in your hand now.
464
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,938
So I have said,
465
00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:31,356
so let it be done.
466
00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:33,483
The Hart women have spoken.
467
00:20:34,818 --> 00:20:35,985
Mother, watch it!
468
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,737
-Mom, a spider web! Ew!
469
00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:40,115
-How did I get so blessed?
470
00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:45,620
Well, the good news
is even though I was exposed
471
00:20:45,704 --> 00:20:47,872
to a boatload of toxic fish slime,
472
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:48,957
the paramedics said my brain
473
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,375
should be back to no time in normal.
474
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:51,918
Speaking of danger,
475
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,628
you fellas want to douse your pants
in lighter fluid
476
00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:55,046
and jump over this fire?
477
00:20:57,632 --> 00:20:59,300
Aw, I finally tuckered them out.
478
00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:01,469
What'd you girls get into this weekend?
479
00:21:01,553 --> 00:21:03,513
Oh, just some light occult stuff.
480
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,516
You know, small family-based exorcism.
481
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:10,729
Republic of Banana, I send thee to hell!
482
00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:12,939
Wow, they even burn boring.
483
00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:15,692
Jenny, I'm sorry
I caused you so much trouble
484
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,028
and will continue to do so till I'm dead.
485
00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:19,779
It's okay. And besides,
486
00:21:19,863 --> 00:21:21,656
I get to turn around
and do it all to Violet,
487
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:24,200
-so feel sorry for her.
-So I am cursed.
488
00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:26,411
-Yes!
-We all are, honey.
489
00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:28,496
We all are.
490
00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:35,920
491
00:21:36,004 --> 00:21:39,007
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