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1
00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:07,090
Oh! So glad to see you.
2
00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:08,800
We've been out of TP the last few days.
3
00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,719
People been using the kid's menu to wipe.
4
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:12,554
And by people, I mean me.
5
00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:16,099
What's all this?
6
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:17,892
Oh, I've had my personal deliveries
7
00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,853
rerouted to work temporarily
8
00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:21,980
'cause some nasty ole porch pirates
9
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:24,065
have sailed into my neighborhood.
10
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,192
So silly. I don't even remember
11
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:29,070
what I ordered, y'all.
You know how that is.
12
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:30,447
Oh, sure.
13
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:32,365
Buying whatever you want
without thinking about the cost?
14
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:34,409
Totally. That's my whole deal.
15
00:00:34,492 --> 00:00:36,494
-This bitch.
Oh,
16
00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:38,329
look at this little dealy-bobber, y'all.
17
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,749
I totally forgot I even got this.
18
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:43,376
Oh, that's one of those
super expensive LED face masks
19
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,754
that sets your face's clock
back five years.
20
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,297
You ordered something I would die to own
21
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:48,548
and then forgot about it.
22
00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:52,093
Literally forgot.
-This bitch.
23
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:55,430
Y'all, online shopping
is my nightly ritual.
24
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:57,932
It's not even about the stuff.
It's about the clicking
25
00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,352
and knowing something fun is on the way.
26
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:04,105
An Everlasting Rose.
27
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,900
This bitch.
28
00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,943
I must've bought this
when I closed my eyes
29
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,779
and I just played that game where I go
30
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:13,907
"bee, boo, bee, boo, bop" on the keyboard.
31
00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:17,577
The Summer Delight Frozé Machine
by Hoda Kotb that turns rosé
32
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:20,038
into a delicious alcohol Slusherito.
33
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,751
This $500 angel s gonna help me fuel
34
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:26,336
tonight s spree.
35
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:28,463
I am so bad.
36
00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:30,090
Okay, well, I ll see y all later.
37
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,008
Good luck with your tips tonight.
38
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,551
Doo, doo-doo-doo.
39
00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,429
I see some pretty great tips right here.
40
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:40,016
We are gonna party
with this luxury item tonight.
41
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,018
Yeah, we are.
42
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,103
Huh?
43
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:44,938
Oh, come on.
44
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,516
-Hey!
-Oh. Hey.
45
00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:23,893
Jesus, you know
how there s really cool stuff
46
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,895
we all want, the nonessential stuff
47
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,272
that makes life worth living?
48
00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:28,815
Yeah, totally.
49
00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:30,900
I have always wanted
a SodaStream, for instance.
50
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,610
So we re on the same page. Good.
51
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:35,363
Everyone deserves a windfall,
and that s where you come in.
52
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,907
Okay, that s my cue.
I may hang out on the wall,
53
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,617
but I am not an ATM.
54
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:42,245
N-N-N-No, I m not asking for cash.
55
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:45,290
No, just a nudge
in the, in the direction of cash.
56
00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:47,167
You know, a little hint, a little wink,
57
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,544
-a little sign,
a little somethin' somethin'.
-Jenny...
58
00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:50,879
you know I cannot do that.
59
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,589
No, no, no, don't you
get back on that wall.
60
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,049
61
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,634
-Hey, is that the Rapture?
-Where?
62
00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:06,770
Ah, sweet, sweet sawdust.
That's the smell of
63
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,189
something's about to get built.
64
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:14,527
Oh, thank God, Wayne.
65
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,112
I was just wondering
if you could help me,
66
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,573
'cause I can never find
an employee in this place.
67
00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:20,200
I'm trying to build a porch ramp
68
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,035
for my mother's wheelchair.
69
00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:23,370
I can't tell you how many times I've
70
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:26,122
dumped her down those stairs by accident.
71
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,791
Well, we cannot have that.
72
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:30,043
You're gonna want to head over to aisle 44
73
00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:32,212
for lumber, then aisle 16 for concrete,
74
00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:33,797
then aisle 28 for your joists.
75
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,423
Take a right at commodes.
76
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,676
Oh, Wayne, hey,
where's the industrial strength
77
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:39,135
anchor screws and plaster?
78
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,346
Dawn's boyfriend
broke up with her before her shift,
79
00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:42,931
and she was dancing mad.
80
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:44,641
Ripped the pole right out of the ceiling.
81
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:47,894
-Oh, shoot, plaster's aisle 60.
You there!
82
00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:50,647
-No way...
-Who are you?!
83
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:54,317
-Is that...?
-Oh, wow, looks like
Old Man Bigsby himself.
84
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,194
I thought he died.
85
00:03:56,277 --> 00:04:01,116
The rumors of my death have been
greatly exaggerated.
86
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:05,829
John Bigsby.
The John Bigsby.
87
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,289
Wow.
I grew up in your hardware store, sir.
88
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:10,583
This is where I learned
how to build stuff.
89
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,211
And your commercials.
Oh...
90
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:15,422
♪ There's no job too big or small ♪
91
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:17,215
♪ At Bigsby's ♪
92
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:20,051
Doorknobs, washer-dryers,
boxes and brackets.
93
00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:22,303
American flags.
Mowers.
94
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,931
And this week only, it's Dimmer Mania!
95
00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:27,642
Dimmer Mania!
96
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:29,602
-♪ At Bigsby's ♪
-That's me.
97
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,062
That's right, Two-By-Four.
98
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:34,441
Bigsby's prices are out of this world.
99
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,069
Houston, we have a solution.
100
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,863
♪ There's no job too big or small ♪
101
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,407
♪ At Bigsby's ♪
102
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:43,700
♪ That's right. ♪
103
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:47,037
I love your whole vibe,
Dad, sir, Mr. Bigsby.
104
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,039
Watching you
talk to my customers right now,
105
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,125
well, you're more knowledgeable
than most of my paid employees.
106
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:53,334
Thank you, sir.
107
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:55,545
How'd you like
to come work here full-time?
108
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,547
Work here,
109
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,591
at the church where I grew up,
filling the hole
110
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,092
left by my absent father,
111
00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:02,802
where I would come to escape it all?
112
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,305
Just walking down the aisles,
dreaming of building my way
113
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:06,765
out of my difficult home life...
114
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:09,726
Well, I don't have time
for your whole backstory, son.
115
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,853
Grab an apron.
116
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,646
This is a true honor, Dad.
117
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,482
Sir. Bigsby Dad.
118
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:18,401
You work on Christmas or you're fired!
119
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:22,364
Oh, we're taking this guy down.
120
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:24,616
Agreed, homes.
121
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,664
With just one scratch,
I could win a million dollars.
122
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,875
That's why I would die for this country.
123
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:35,960
If you keep wasting money on scratchers,
124
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:37,921
we'll never get to waste it
on anything fun.
125
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,756
Don't you besmirch my occupation,
126
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,925
you communist USA hater.
127
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,388
Stupid scratchers.
128
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:50,141
Why can't I have nice things?
129
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,726
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. What?
130
00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:59,442
Is this the sign that I asked for?
131
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:02,237
Seriously, Jesus, I've never
bought a scratcher in my life.
132
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,031
♪ I saw the sign... ♪
133
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:07,617
Okay, that's a little crazy.
Oh, but you know what,
134
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,703
I don't have any cash on me, so...
135
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,705
Whoa.
136
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:14,249
Holy crud balls.
137
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:17,085
Oh, I can't believe I am doing this.
138
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,045
Hi.
Um, I would like to buy one of those
139
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,797
biblical-themed scratch-offs.
140
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,966
My baby's first scratcher.
141
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,844
Today's the day I can finally accept you
142
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:28,138
as my daughter.
143
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,347
Jenny, wait.
144
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,683
Now, don't scratch it just yet, savor it.
145
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,435
What you're experiencing right now
146
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:34,936
is called the "gambler's rush."
147
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,188
It's the best feeling in the world.
148
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:40,275
And it has no downsides.
149
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,362
Okay, now.
150
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:56,082
Mother... I won!
151
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,751
We won. I'm feeling faint.
152
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:00,587
Thank you, Jesus.
153
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,714
High kick!
154
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,093
-Whoa.
155
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,929
Are y'all drinking wine from a bottle?
What happened?
156
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:11,723
Did y'all win the lottery or something?
157
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,516
Well, Wayne, as a matter of fact,
158
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,060
-We...
-I...
159
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:18,021
...won $2,000.
160
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,482
No way.
161
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:22,400
Oh, my God. Jenny!
162
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,156
Hey, are you wearing a Bigsby's apron?
163
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:29,407
I got a job today.
164
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:30,992
At Bigsby's?
165
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,660
Well, that is your
favorite place on Earth.
166
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:35,413
Oh, Wayne, congratulations.
167
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:38,541
Look at us.
We are in the money, y'all.
168
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:50,970
Damn.
169
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,952
Could one of you push me that stray cart?
170
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,832
What the hell?
171
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,049
Aw, look at that, the family
172
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,509
financial planners hard at work.
173
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:30,468
Hmm?
174
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,053
I am begging you guys,
175
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:34,139
go straight to the bank with this money.
176
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,725
Do not pass mall, do not spend $200.
177
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,728
We have to break the cycle
of barely scraping by.
178
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,522
Ugh, all right, I'll go to the stupid
179
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:46,735
butt-nerd Ebenezer Snoozeville-no-fun
money jail.
180
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:49,571
-You mean the bank?
-Yes. That's what I said, Violet.
181
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,364
Let's work on our listening.
182
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:52,782
-Ah!
183
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,617
Dude, you blinked.
Crotch swat!
184
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,745
I swear to God, dude... Ow!
185
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:59,122
-Aah, aah...
Is this line open?
186
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,916
Do y'all even work here?
187
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,044
Norma, I'm open over here.
188
00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:07,005
They are a couple of clowns.
189
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:09,716
And I want to feed those clowns
to the lions.
190
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:13,178
Okay, you know what,
let me help you with that.
191
00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:15,180
Nice customer service, Wayne.
192
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,599
See that, you lazy pile of turds?
193
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,184
Wayne here has fire.
194
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,436
He's a real Bigsby's man.
195
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:24,022
It just makes me so angry
thinking about you
196
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,775
good-for-noth--
197
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:32,906
Hey, Bigsby's butt boy,
why you working so hard?
198
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:35,367
Looks like you might need
to take a snack break.
199
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:37,535
-What?
200
00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:41,664
Okay, the "haze the new guy"
routine is getting a little old.
201
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,542
Yeah, open your mouth
and just let it happen, Wayne.
202
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:51,257
We got you, bro.
203
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,637
Lord, I wish we could buy ourselves
204
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,138
just a little something.
205
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,015
I know, Mother.
Me, too, but Vi's right.
206
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,059
We gotta be responsible.
207
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:02,394
-Mother...
-Pulling in.
208
00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:05,271
-♪ ♪
-Oh, my God...
209
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:08,233
I've never seen one in person.
210
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:10,318
It's the height of luxury.
211
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:11,861
Pure class.
212
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:15,990
I've only seen shoe chairs in magazines.
213
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:17,826
Saw Kirstie Alley sitting on one once,
214
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:21,162
smoking a cigar, looking like a boss.
215
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,755
Okay, well, it's fun to dream.
216
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,340
Let's get to the bank.
217
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:35,135
-We had to, right?
-No choice.
218
00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:36,970
Now get your flat butt
out of that gorgeous shoe chair.
219
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:38,513
It's my turn.
220
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:43,768
All right, get up.
Violet's coming home soon,
221
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:44,936
and this beauty needs to be
222
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:46,229
in my bedroom, where she belongs.
223
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,273
-It's from my winnings!
-I gave you the idea!
224
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,734
Oh. My disc is bulging.
225
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,485
It needs the firm, luxurious support
226
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:53,778
-of that shoe chair.
227
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:54,863
Stop faking, Mother.
228
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,197
No.
Not till you give me that chair.
229
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:58,074
All right, how about you luxuriate
230
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,617
in the chair Monday through Wednesday,
231
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,953
and I'll bask in its majestic wonder
the other days.
232
00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:04,039
No way!
That gives you the weekends.
233
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:05,707
Ah. Well, why don't we just
swap every other day
234
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,208
-until somebody dies?
-Oh, you're just counting the seconds
235
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,710
to my death so you can have that chair.
236
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,545
I'm gonna have to get a food taster.
237
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:18,011
I am guessing
you didn't get that giant shoe
238
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,596
for opening up a bank account.
239
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,807
Ruh-roh.
The other shoe chair has dropped.
240
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,484
Guys, come on.
241
00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,361
Just let me do my job.
242
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,029
Look, you need to know something, friend.
243
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,781
You're getting in the way of our plan,
244
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,492
which is come to work and not work.
Or else!
245
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,245
You're gonna kill me?
246
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,123
Wait, are we gonna kill him?
247
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,166
Probably not.
248
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,709
Put it to a vote later.
249
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:52,545
Meanwhile, we don't need you
around here doing a "good job"
250
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,756
'cause then Bigsby's
gonna want that from all of us.
251
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,675
And that is no bueno.
252
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:59,761
We were never here.
253
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:02,138
We're supposed to do
our cool exit right now.
254
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,807
-Go, go, go.
-Copy.
255
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:10,438
She's done with us.
256
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:13,525
Well, it's the same way
Whoopi looks at Megan McCrain--
257
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:14,859
pure rage.
258
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,152
Guys, shut up.
259
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,156
I love it.
260
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,076
But you said you didn't want us
buying anything frivolous.
261
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:24,536
Yeah, frivolous.
262
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:27,372
But this shoe chair is magnificent.
263
00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:29,416
I didn't know I needed it until I saw it.
264
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,584
It is the most beautiful...
265
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,087
dumb-butt, glittering monstrosity
266
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:35,255
I've ever seen.
267
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:37,090
-I love you, baby!
-It's always that way
268
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,591
-with shoe chairs.
-This shoe chair is a dream.
-Shoe chairs heal.
269
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:40,885
Well, I just hope you ladies are ready
270
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:43,430
for the life overhaul this chair demands.
271
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,681
What do you mean?
272
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,058
We can't sit around looking like this
273
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:49,269
now that we have a shoe chair.
274
00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:51,604
We need to up the wow factor
in our lifestyle.
275
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:53,940
Hashtag agree, backslash MeToo.
276
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:55,483
No, Mother.
277
00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:57,944
I know it's gonna be painful,
but we gotta be responsible
278
00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:59,946
and take whatever money's left
and put it in the b...
279
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,532
♪ Wild women do ♪
280
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,618
♪ And they don't regret it ♪
281
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,246
♪ Whoo! ♪
282
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:13,168
♪ Here I come, baby... ♪
283
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:16,880
We look great.
284
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:19,382
That felt great.
What a rush.
285
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,843
But this is it.
The end of the line, okay?
286
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,512
The shoe chair and the outfits
and we're fin...
287
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,765
♪ Wild women do ♪
288
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:30,310
♪ And they don't regret it ♪
289
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,731
♪ Wild women show ♪
290
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,275
♪ What they're going through... ♪
291
00:13:37,359 --> 00:13:39,277
Now we're talking.
292
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:41,279
That shoe chair is really in its element.
293
00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:43,573
Hmm. I know, but...
294
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,741
What?
295
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,785
Eh, we were happy for a second, but now...
296
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:50,246
...we're just not feeling it.
297
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,165
Yeah, something's killing my buzz.
298
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:53,458
Y'all, I know
what you're feeling right now
299
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:54,542
'cause I'm feeling it, too.
300
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:55,710
But we are out of money.
301
00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:56,836
If we got anything else,
302
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,338
we'd have to put it on a credit ca...
303
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:00,674
♪ Wild women do ♪
304
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,134
♪ What you think they'll never... ♪
305
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:15,438
♪ Wild women do ♪
306
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,815
♪ What you think... ♪
307
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,487
Oh, man, those dipwads just left
308
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,823
a running forklift
in the middle of an aisle?
309
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,074
What the-- Whoa, whoa,
310
00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:27,325
whoa, whoa, whoa!
311
00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:28,410
I can't brake!
312
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:29,744
What's wrong with this thing?
313
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:32,414
Oh, Lord!
Oh, what is all that?
314
00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:36,000
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
315
00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:40,547
Aw, Mr. Bigsby, look what Wayne did.
316
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,424
No, Mr. Bigsby, I swear, they did this.
317
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,676
They sabotaged this poor forklift.
318
00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:46,011
It wasn't me, I-I swear.
319
00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:47,804
-Slander!
-I'm yelling!
320
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,472
Oh, you disappoint me, Wayne.
321
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,016
No, no, no!
Don't say disappoint.
322
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,685
Say a different word.
Uh, happy-point?
323
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:56,855
It doesn't have to be that.
Just say, "I love you, son."
324
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:59,024
I only have one son,
325
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:01,818
and unfortunately, that's Peter.
326
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,903
What? Really?
327
00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:05,905
Anyway, the other unfortunate fact
328
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:09,743
is that forklift accidents
are a fireable offense.
329
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,327
You heard him, Wayne-O.
330
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,830
Take your hardworking ass on out of here.
331
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:17,917
♪ There's no job too big or small ♪
332
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,337
♪ At Bigsby's. ♪
333
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,422
You know what?
Screw this place.
334
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,174
I'm never coming back!
335
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,389
It's the "get up" alarm.
336
00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:32,891
It's my turn.
337
00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,435
My turn in this chair is over
when I say it's over.
338
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:37,270
-Actually, it's our turn.
Yeah.
339
00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:38,438
We've been at school all day.
340
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:40,148
That's on you.
341
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:44,152
Don't you smudge my turq-waz.
I will stab you all!
342
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:46,154
-Ow!
-Unhand my caftan, you elderly banshee!
343
00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:48,406
Get off my chair now!
344
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:49,866
Or I'm gonna roll you into a ditch!
345
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,118
Warrior cry!
346
00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:56,706
Who am I?
347
00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:07,175
Stop! Stop!
Look at what's happening!
348
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:09,594
This stuff is turning us into monsters.
349
00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:11,805
Y'all, we are better than this.
350
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,350
-Nice try, loser.
351
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,976
Y'all, I mean it.
352
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,436
We went too far.
353
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,480
-All this stuff needs to go back.
-Hell no!
354
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:23,024
You'll take this chair
from my cold dead butt.
355
00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:25,402
Make that two cold dead butts.
356
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:28,488
Mother, I'm sorry, but I'm doing this.
357
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,281
Then I renounce you as my kin,
358
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:32,325
and I hereby legally adopt David.
359
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:33,576
Squee!
360
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,878
Oh, Wayne, this day.
361
00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:47,298
Oh, Lord, did the lottery
really ruin our lives that quickly?
362
00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:49,259
Yes, Wayne, it did.
363
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,885
Now please tell me about your day at work.
364
00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:52,220
I need some good news.
365
00:16:52,303 --> 00:16:53,972
Well, how do I say this?
366
00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:56,391
I got framed for forklift malfeasance,
367
00:16:56,474 --> 00:17:00,103
and now I... don't
work at Bigsby's anymore.
368
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,604
Oh, Wayne...
369
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,606
Also, do you know that
they charge an apron rental fee?
370
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,316
I had to write a check on my way out.
371
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,111
Oh, no. I'm so sorry, Wayne.
372
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,696
But could I ask you to help me
373
00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,656
-load the shoe chair into your truck?
-What?
374
00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:14,868
Take it back? Aw, no, Jenny.
You love that chair.
375
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:17,328
No, it's going back.
That shoe chair is a curse.
376
00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:19,748
It needs to be in all our rearviews.
377
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:23,793
Oh, what? They took the chair?
378
00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:26,755
You three sneaky Judases.
379
00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:28,715
Make that two sneaky Judases.
380
00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:31,801
Can someone come in here and untie me?
381
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,345
Oh, my Lord, Violet!
382
00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:35,513
Where in the hell did Bonnie and Clyde
take the shoe chair?
383
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:38,391
All I heard was that
they were gonna cross state lines.
384
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:42,937
When Mother crosses state lines,
she always stops at one place.
385
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,232
You look amazing, Betty.
386
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:49,194
What brings those hot buns
of yours to the Virginia border?
387
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:51,613
I'm starting anew with my son
388
00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:54,532
and a life-changing piece of furniture.
389
00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:57,285
Son?
390
00:17:57,369 --> 00:17:58,787
-Is he mine?
-Mama Betty.
391
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:00,455
Your old family. Now o'clock.
392
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:02,374
Damn it!
Get your little heinie in the car.
393
00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:12,509
Mother, if you don't pull over,
I will call the church
394
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,927
and tell them your birth year!
395
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,011
You don't know it!
396
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:16,429
Well, I'll make one up,
397
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:17,806
and I'll really lowball it.
398
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,266
Look out!
399
00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:25,271
No...!
400
00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:33,405
Like Anna Nicole Smith,
401
00:18:33,488 --> 00:18:36,825
you were just too beautiful
for this world.
402
00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:40,161
And the worst part is...
is now we can't even return it.
403
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:42,831
Y'all, I think I can
put this mess back together, but...
404
00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:44,666
it's gonna take a pit stop
back at Bigsby's.
405
00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:47,711
Oh, Wayne, I don't want you
to have to go back in there.
406
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:50,130
Don't worry about it, Jenny.
407
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:51,756
I'm not gonna let those turds
408
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,758
take my favorite place away from me.
409
00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:55,218
Can I still be your son?
410
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,220
Mm. Baby, that ship has sailed.
411
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:03,435
Wayne! There he is.
Glad you're back.
412
00:19:03,518 --> 00:19:05,103
No, no, no. I'm not back.
413
00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:07,772
I'm just here to get stuff
to repair a chair.
414
00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:11,026
Wayne, I never realized
what sad shape this store was in
415
00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:12,902
until you came and went.
416
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,989
This is the last day of Bigsby's Hardware!
417
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:17,949
-What?
-He's gonna blow it up.
418
00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:20,243
Yep.
When I started this company,
419
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,454
I knew one day I would
either pass it on to my son
420
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,039
or blow it up.
421
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,999
And I'm not passing it to this turd.
422
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:28,460
So explosion it is.
423
00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:30,712
Mr. Bigsby, no.
I-It's an institution.
424
00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:33,214
You don't have any other family
you could leave it to?
425
00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:34,883
Well, yes.
426
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:36,301
I do have a daughter, Amy,
427
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:38,803
who is chief operations officer
of Home Depot.
428
00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,680
But sadly, she's a girl,
429
00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:42,932
so I'm afraid the only real
solution here is explosives.
430
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,352
Dad, I bet if you hired Wayne back,
431
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,228
he could help me make it wonderful again.
432
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:49,439
Well, I suppose that's up to Wayne.
433
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,358
Whatcha gonna do, Wayne?
434
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:55,153
I got an itchy finger
and a family history of Parkinson's.
435
00:19:55,236 --> 00:19:58,239
Well, I really think you should
consider the daughter thing,
436
00:19:58,323 --> 00:19:59,616
but yeah.
437
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,576
I'd be honored to work here.
438
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,954
Aw, would you look at that...
439
00:20:07,499 --> 00:20:09,459
No...
440
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,586
Don't hit that button!
441
00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:18,968
I got it.
442
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:22,472
Hang on.
This is just a garage door opener.
443
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,099
Which one of you took him?
444
00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:26,601
-Never. Take. Him.
-Go!
445
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:32,941
So you think they're gonna take it back?
446
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:35,151
If they don't, we'll claim
there's a death in the family.
447
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,903
Then they have to waive the cost.
448
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,655
That only works with airlines.
449
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,241
All right. Looks good enough.
Refund or exchange?
450
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:43,034
Refund.
451
00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:46,162
Did you just say ex-shange?
452
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:48,832
Do you, um,
have the same return policy for...
453
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,501
this pirate ship chandelier
made of crystals?
454
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:52,836
Yep. Three days with a receipt.
455
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,379
What about...
456
00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:55,839
this jumbo art deco poster
457
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,424
-of a martini glass?
-Yes.
458
00:20:57,507 --> 00:21:00,385
And this monkey
dressed as a bartender side table?
459
00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:01,636
Again, everything.
460
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,221
So you're saying we can take turns
461
00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,306
owning every item in this store
for three days
462
00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:07,308
and eventually get all our money back?
463
00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:09,477
Our official return policy says you could.
464
00:21:09,561 --> 00:21:12,480
But basic human decency
says you shouldn't.
465
00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:14,566
♪ Wild women do... ♪
466
00:21:14,649 --> 00:21:23,908
See you in 72 hours, my friend.
467
00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:28,997
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