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Good evening,
this is MayKay Bueller reporting live
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from outside the Greenpoint Mall,
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00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,470
where hours from now
it's gonna be exploded
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into itty-bitty smithereens.
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Oooweee.
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00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:21,187
Built way back in, oooweee, 1994,
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00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,732
the mall's design boasted state-of-the-art
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triangles and squiggles.
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Oooweee.
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00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:30,739
But it lost its mojo
thanks to changing consumer habits
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00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:34,200
and countless
dressing room camera scandals.
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00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:37,037
It finally closed in 2010.
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Mayor Webb, are you all set
for the big demolition?
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You're just gonna get your mouth
right up there
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on that squishy bulb.
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We sure are.
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This town loves a big explosion,
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especially around Halloween.
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-Don't we, gang?
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I really wish they wouldn't do this.
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Oh, me neither.
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This mall was all our whorlds.
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No, I mean them.
Why are they sneaking in?
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Wayne, we're not sneaking in.
They invited us.
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They're having a final mall walk
for superfans of the mall.
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And this whole place
is a perfectly preserved time capsule
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00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,577
The early 2000s.
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An era of fashion that was
the most accessorized
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but also, somehow, the least attractive
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I know there will be something perfect
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for my Halloween costume in there.
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What is your Halloween costume?
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Violet, I don't choose the costume.
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The costume chooses me.
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Jenny, that flier doesn't make any sense.
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If they're having an event here,
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why does everything say
"Danger, Stay Out"?
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If it said "Come On In,"
I wouldn't want to go.
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Ooh, secret entrance.
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Entrances should never be secret.
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Oh, neat. Rats.
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I do not feel good about this.
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That's odd,
'cause I've never felt better about
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anything in my life.
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-Yah! -Chaboogity boogity!
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Wayne, I know that Mom screaming
"Chaboogity boogity"
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was way out of line,
but also, you need to chill.
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-It's the mannequins.
-What?
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Wayne's afraid of mannequins.
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I'm just saying
there are a million reasons
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not to go in here right now.
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-Starting with the fact that it's condemned.
-It's mannequins.
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-And we're trespassing.
-Totally mannequins.
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-And the ceiling is riddled with asbestos.
-It's mannequins. Mannequins.
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-And it's wired with a million pounds of explosives.
-Mannequins. Mannequins.
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-It's mannequins.
-Okay, fine!
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Like every right-thinking
person in America,
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I am wary of mannequins.
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What are they?
Are they alive or dead?
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No one knows.
But what we do know is that
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they are extremely susceptible
to being inhabited by spirits.
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We all saw the movie Mannequin.
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I mean, that idea
doesn't come from nowhere.
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Oh, God. No...
Oh, there's another one!
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They're teaming up.
One just touched my butt.
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Get 'em off me.
Please, God!
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-Good Lord.
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Oh, my God, it clawed its way
into my shirt!
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Why isn't anyone helping me?
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'Cause you're in zero danger?
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Oh, come on, guys, everyone has phobias.
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Don't make fun of Wayne's.
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Here, Wayne, I got you.
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Come on, let's walk down this memory lane.
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Violet Elizabeth, look.
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00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,992
Oh, my God.
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-It's retail Indiana Jones.
-Peanut Shack.
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00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:08,081
Radio Shack.
Popcorn Barn.
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00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:09,874
-Record Barn.
-Dress Barn.
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Hickory Farms.
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00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,169
Oh, I just love
that they're calling it out--
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that basically humans are just
all consumer chattel.
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Rainforest Cafe?
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You kids are lucky if you get
to see a Rainforest Cafe.
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00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,931
Sadly, these very important
restaurants are disappearing
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before our very eyes.
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It's a tragedy what's happening
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to the Rainforest Cafes, y'all.
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Oh... mall... God.
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Stunned silence.
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Explain to me what I'm seeing right now
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-before I pass out.
-Oh, yeah.
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Your mom never told you?
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She was the face of Greenpoint Mall.
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Got discovered by a famous photographer.
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God, we were so cool.
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♪ Oh... ♪
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Whasssuup?
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Whasssuup?!
100
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Young ladies, the samples
are only for paying customers.
101
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,464
I'd like to see you try
to get it off my face
102
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:59,841
and back into that tube, beeyach.
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Do it. Do it!
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00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,303
We're young and hot.
Deal with it.
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00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,141
I'm only getting pennies down here.
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There's no way we'll be able
to afford an albino snake
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with this BS.
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00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,647
All the big money's up top.
Launch me.
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00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,274
♪ Fall out ♪
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♪ I like it when you, uh, uh ♪
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♪ Girl, baby, make it, uh, uh. ♪
112
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-Wow.
113
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:22,906
I'm looking for the right girl.
114
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I think I just found her.
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00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:29,245
Wait, so some 40-year-old guy
asked you to model for him,
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and you said yes?
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00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,248
Violet, come on, now.
118
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,376
If 40-year-old men stopped
wanting to take pictures
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00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:37,003
of 15-year-old girls,
there wouldn't even be models.
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00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,630
Now, is that the world you want?
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A hundred percent.
122
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,424
Well, this guy wasn't creepy.
123
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He was legit.
He had a business card.
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00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:45,762
He had disco lights
in his Humvee, a pinky ring--
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00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:46,805
Okay, now I'm hearing it.
126
00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:48,807
Did he make you jump in every shot?
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00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,767
He just liked when
my volleyball skort flew up.
128
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,352
Oh, yeah, now I'm really hearing it now.
129
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:53,687
But it all worked out.
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I mean, girl, that picture is bangin'.
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Here, let me get it for you.
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00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,320
Aw, hell no.
133
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,572
Someone donged it?
No worries, girl.
134
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,616
Here, there's more posters over there.
135
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:10,036
Oh, damn, these are all donged up, too.
136
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,372
This one's got devil horns made of dongs.
137
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:14,040
This one's got a bouquet of dongs.
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This one, the water skis are dongs.
139
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:19,587
I mean, I hate who did this,
and I will kill them,
140
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:22,257
but this is some really solid dong work.
141
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:24,467
Who would do this?
So rude.
142
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How would anyone deface
the queen of the mall?
143
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:27,971
I mean, I'm not bragging, I'm just saying
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have some respect for the office.
145
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Well, we've all had
an experience here today.
146
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Great fun, a lot of lessons.
147
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Let's call it and head outside
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before we get blown up
or assaulted by a mannequin.
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-Wayne, we got to find at least one
Yep.
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00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:42,736
And I'm here to get my loot on.
151
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:45,280
Mother, you already looted
this place the week it closed.
152
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Yeah, and I hid some stuff
I couldn't carry.
153
00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:48,700
-It's time for me to claim
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-what is wrongfully mine.
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Violet, it's calling to me.
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Something's happening.
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The spirit of early 2000s
teen drama characters
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is washing over me.
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00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,714
Ooh, Dawson's Creek.
160
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:05,175
Felicity. The O.C.
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00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,634
The brooding, the drama,
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00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,636
the almost unbearable teen angst.
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Don't fight it, David.
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I'm not David.
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00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,226
I'm Joshua Hartnett Arquette,
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00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:18,229
and it's 2002,
and I'm the assistant manager
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at Wet Seal... and I have a secret.
168
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,942
And I'm Britney Tree Hill.
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00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:24,736
I work at Wet Seal, too.
170
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:28,490
My dad owns this town,
but he doesn't own me.
171
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,534
Boy, y'all are dead set on not
having a third friend, huh?
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00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,161
Listen, Jenny, none of your mall friends
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showed up for this walk.
174
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Probably because it's a terrible idea
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00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:37,749
and this place is creepy as hell.
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Hi.
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00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:43,338
Are you guys here for the mall walk, too?
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00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:46,299
Yes. See, Wayne, other people
are starting to come in.
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00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:49,427
Hold the flip phone.
Is that Jenny Hart,
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00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,096
the face of the Greenpoint Mall?
181
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,515
-And her intimidating friend Brenda?
-You take that back.
182
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,433
Brenda, down!
183
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,519
Yes, it is me.
184
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:58,812
I can't believe you recognized me.
185
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,939
I mean, my face is everywhere,
but still...
186
00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:03,233
Of course I recognize you.
187
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,402
Don't you recognize me?
188
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,987
Yeah... yeah...
189
00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:11,074
I totally remember you.
You're...
190
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,450
-...that girl...
-Stacy.
191
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,535
Stacy. Nailed it.
192
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:15,328
That's right.
I'm so glad
193
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:16,955
I'm not the only one here.
194
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,540
I just love this mall.
195
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,166
You know, I used to work here.
196
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Right at that kiosk.
197
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,713
I was the very last one to close shop.
198
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:27,048
For a while it was just me and Sbarro,
199
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:29,009
and when they closed, this place was just
200
00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:33,388
Stacy's mall!
201
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:34,472
Hmm.
202
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,307
I can bling your phones if you want.
203
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:40,645
Free bling?
I'm not saying no to that.
204
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,608
Guys, I got a bad feeling about Stacy.
205
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,444
No one else is getting
a mannequin-come-to-life vibe
206
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,570
from this lady?
207
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:50,321
Okay, Wayne, just walk me through this,
208
00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:52,157
because I feel your theories
are always evolving.
209
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,199
Thank you for asking.
210
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:54,784
My working theory is she's a spirit
211
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,661
with unfinished business
caught between realms
212
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,747
who has commandeered a mannequin
as a vessel
213
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,582
for the purpose of luring us here
214
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:01,583
and stealing our souls.
215
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:02,751
-All done.
216
00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,169
These are off the hizzy.
217
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:06,671
Oh, I like that you kept it subtle.
218
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:09,049
See, Wayne, she's nice.
219
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,633
She's a little eccentric, sure,
220
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:11,885
but she loves the mall, like us.
221
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,433
Look. Mall rats.
222
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,101
Get it?
223
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,812
I mean, rats, ew. Ugh.
224
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,439
I'm not friends with them.
225
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:26,232
Get away, Nelly and Fat Joe.
226
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:28,777
Okay, maybe she's a little weird,
227
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:31,404
but the fun kind of weird,
you know, like-like Bjork.
228
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,656
Bjork is not on a first-name basis
with rats.
229
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:34,783
Are we sure?
230
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,117
I'll just go wait in the car.
231
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:37,577
Sorry for my boyfriend.
232
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:40,163
Some people just aren't cut out
for the mall.
233
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,331
Ew!
234
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,166
-Oh, these are dust.
Aah!
235
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:46,002
It's chained shut!
Someone locked us in!
236
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:48,755
Oh, my God!
237
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:51,257
The monkey mannequins are activated!
238
00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:01,101
Um, guys, this door was not
chained when we walked in.
239
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:02,519
Wayne, maybe this is a different door.
240
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,604
No way.
This is Stacy's doing.
241
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:07,273
If she had fingerprints,
they'd be all over this.
242
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:08,483
Wayne... Come on, man.
243
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,151
She's not a mannequin.
Wayne.
244
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:11,152
-Come on.
-Wayne, come on.
245
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,195
They are not real.
246
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,238
-Whoopsie.
-Oh!
247
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:16,241
Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry about that.
248
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,284
Dale must have locked
all the security doors
249
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,328
because he's a security guard.
250
00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:23,498
I guarantee you there is no Dale.
251
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,166
Hey, Dale, I think some visitors
252
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,168
accidentally got locked in.
253
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:28,962
Can you open the north doors?
254
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,171
MALE VOICE
Oh, yeah.
255
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:33,425
Hmm, seems like Dale's real.
And hilarious.
256
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:36,386
Oh, my God, Dale!
Isn't he so funny?
257
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,264
Full disclosure, we are dating.
258
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:40,765
There, Dale's on it.
259
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:43,268
Brenda, let's go find
a non-donged poster of me.
260
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,936
Uh, y'all, can we stick together, please?
261
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,480
Ugh, I still haven't found
my Halloween costume.
262
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:50,233
Betty, come on, you can't deny
something's off about that lady.
263
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,484
Help me find another exit.
264
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,403
Fine.
I'm headed that way anyway.
265
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,447
Got to get over to the payphone graveyard
266
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:58,033
to unearth some of my stashed loot.
267
00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:00,160
Good Lord, Betty,
what could you have possibly
268
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:01,536
stored in here ten years ago
269
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:02,996
that would be worth anything now?
270
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,040
Oh, I don't know, why don't you ask
271
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:08,168
this portable DVD player
how much it's worth.
272
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,961
Now all we got to do
is find where I stashed
273
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:12,047
the cigarette lighter adapter.
274
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,677
Oh, here's a good one.
275
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,471
Look closer.
All your fingers got
276
00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:21,306
a little surprise on the end.
277
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:23,475
Oh, come on.
They did that on purpose
278
00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:24,934
so we'd have to get up close.
279
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,186
Penis-drawing butts.
280
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:28,355
I'll tell you one thing.
281
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:31,232
No one would have
gotten away with this disrespect
282
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,401
-back in the day.
-♪ ♪
283
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:35,028
Hey, it's the poster girl.
284
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,781
-Jenny, do the jump.
-Brenda, launch me!
285
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,788
Can I get a picture with you?
286
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,122
Sure.
287
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,375
Wait, there's a camera in your phone?
288
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:50,794
Point five megapixels, baby.
289
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,798
-That's poppin'.
-Hey, shawty,
290
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,800
can you style me your digits?
291
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,301
Dope fo-sho.
292
00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,719
♪ One, two, three, uh ♪
293
00:11:59,803 --> 00:12:01,805
♪ My baby don't mess around ♪
294
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,182
♪ Because she loves me so
and this I know... ♪
295
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:07,185
Hey, Jenny, Brenda, lookin' good.
296
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,812
How are the dogs today, Kelly?
297
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,397
On a stick.
298
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,487
Ooh, looking good, Glen.
299
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,614
-How's Monica?
-In my rearview.
300
00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:21,491
Call me.
301
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,788
-Hoobastank CDs just for you two.
302
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:30,208
♪ For sticking to-together
'cause we don't know how ♪
303
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:32,794
♪ Hey ya... ♪
304
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:34,462
It's on the mall.
305
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:37,882
Oh, Danny, what are you doing to us?
306
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:41,845
Oh, man, friggin' glory days.
307
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:42,971
Brenda, I'm having a weird thought,
308
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,514
and I need you to talk me out of this.
309
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,267
Were we kind of... stuck up?
310
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:49,602
Brenda?
311
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:50,687
Brenda?!
312
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,358
Oh, come on, y'all.
313
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:58,778
Come on, Betty, you already
got a tape deck audio adapter,
314
00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:01,698
seven PalmPilot replacement styluses,
315
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,867
-and an inexplicably enormous CD tower.
316
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,618
What other forms of outdated technology
317
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,370
could you possibly need?
318
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,456
-We got to get out of here.
-This is the mother lode.
319
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:13,043
It looks like a Corvette,
but it actually rewinds VHS tapes.
320
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:16,171
Okay, we can go find
your precious exit now.
321
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:20,091
Wait.
Does this nameplate say Dale Everton?
322
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,679
Hello? Hello...
323
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:25,930
Sir?
324
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:29,225
Oh, my God!
325
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,810
Oh, my Lord, y'all.
326
00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:32,145
Is there lipstick on that thing?
327
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,483
I was right.
She was lying about Dale.
328
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:38,818
I knew she was no good.
I'm calling Jenny.
329
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,945
Oh, my God, there's a Nerds candy rope
330
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:42,655
shoved in my SIM card slot.
331
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:43,823
That's what she said?
332
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,116
Damn it, not now, Betty.
333
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,576
My phone's not even in here.
334
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,495
It's just costume gems and chains.
335
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,997
A blingy ball of junk, y'all.
336
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:55,001
Brenda, this isn't cute anymore.
337
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:57,170
Where the hell are you?
338
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:14,437
Oh, my God, Wayne was right.
Stacy is bad news.
339
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:15,939
Why is she so obsessed with me?
340
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,732
I got to warn Violet and David!
341
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:20,527
-Aah!
-Aah!
342
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:23,196
This day could not get any worse.
343
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,365
I'm trying out for equestrian tomorrow,
344
00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:28,618
but my nemesis Kimberly
spooked my prize steed.
345
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:32,372
Looks like I'm gonna
have to put down another horse.
346
00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,374
God, I wish I could see that.
347
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,292
You're obviously invited, Joshua.
348
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:39,212
-Chill. You're on the list.
-No, Britney.
349
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:42,215
I can't see it because I'm blind.
350
00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:44,759
But you drove us here.
351
00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,511
-On pure instinct.
352
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:48,054
Hang on, what's this?
353
00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:50,807
Don't open it, it's my mother's
eating disorder diary.
354
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,392
No, David, I'm serious.
355
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:53,810
What the hell is this?
356
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,937
It looks like the walkie-talkie Stacy had.
357
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,272
MAN'S VOICE
Oh, yeah!
358
00:14:57,355 --> 00:15:00,608
Oh, my God.
This means there's no Dale.
359
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:02,569
David.
360
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:06,031
-Aah!
-Oh, yeah!
361
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,532
Jenny, Jenny...
362
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,492
I already know.
Lacy's bad.
363
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,411
It's Stacy, and she's a mannequin.
364
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:14,789
And her boyfriend is, too.
Tell her, Betty.
365
00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:16,041
-Betty?
-Oh, my God.
366
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,584
Mother?
367
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:20,211
BETTY
I got kidnapped, too, you dummy!
368
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:22,630
STACY
♪ I'm like a bird ♪
369
00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:25,967
♪ I'll only fly away ♪
370
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:29,137
-♪ I don't know where my soul is ♪
371
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:32,057
♪ I don't know where my home is. ♪
372
00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:38,646
♪ I'm like a bird ♪
373
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:41,024
♪ I'll only fly away... ♪
374
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,485
Okay, listen, we got the upper hand here.
375
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,820
I'll take the elevator
and come up to her from behind.
376
00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:49,074
You take the escalator
and distract her from the front.
377
00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:51,117
-Perfect plan.
-You ready?
378
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:53,161
One, two...
379
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:55,705
I'm sorry, Jenny.
I forgot that, on principle,
380
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:57,665
I won't hit a woman.
381
00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:59,250
You don't even think she is a woman.
382
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:01,002
Well, she's still shaped like one.
383
00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:04,297
Look who's here.
The queen of the mall.
384
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:05,840
Stacy, what are you doing?
385
00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:07,092
You can't just tie people up.
386
00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:09,219
Let 'em go.
I'll help you.
387
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,262
Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that.
388
00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:14,849
But while they're all tied up,
why not have a picnic with me?
389
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:16,685
I got all the best mall food.
390
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:19,646
I got Panda Express,
Dippin' Dots, and look,
391
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:21,147
a King Cheesesteak Potato
392
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:24,234
from the Great American
Potato Company. Mmm.
393
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,528
No, Tracy!
This food is so moldy
394
00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:27,696
it's practically penicillin.
395
00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:30,198
You build up a tolerance, Jenny!
396
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:32,325
And the name is Stacy!
397
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:33,993
Jenny, there's a kill switch.
398
00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:35,829
Yeah, but how am I gonna get there?
399
00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:36,996
Do your jump, girl.
400
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,289
I don't think I can.
401
00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:39,999
I'm not the same person I was.
402
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:41,292
Come on, I believe in you.
403
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:42,502
Do the jump!
404
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:47,048
-♪ ♪
405
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,013
Okay, that's on me.
406
00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:54,639
Why are you doing this, Stephanie?
407
00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:57,225
Stacy! Stacy! Stacy!
408
00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:59,144
Why is it so hard to remember?
409
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:02,063
It's the most clichéd name for a mall rat.
410
00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:03,648
While the whole world
411
00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:06,735
was celebrating you, Jennifer Hart,
412
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,403
I was there, too.
413
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,572
Let me refresh your memory.
414
00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:15,035
I love you, Jenny!
415
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,578
Could you sign my poster?
416
00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:18,121
Hey, can I get a picture with you?
417
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,208
You guys wanna hang out?
418
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:32,052
Uh-uh, this is for Jenny Hart.
419
00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:45,607
Oh, yeah, we were definitely bitches.
420
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,317
Stacy, I'm really sorry.
421
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,819
Too little too late.
422
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:52,614
I dedicated my life to you... and my book,
423
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:53,990
Mall In The Family, colon,
424
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,700
Friendship Is A Kiosk Named Love.
425
00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:57,452
On sale now at Waldenbooks.
426
00:17:57,535 --> 00:17:58,661
Aw, it's closed.
427
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,580
Don't you get it?
The mall is closed.
428
00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:02,916
You're closed.
This mall was my life.
429
00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:05,919
Even after they shuttered it,
I kept coming back day after day
430
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:08,713
hoping that maybe Jenny Hart
would hang out with me.
431
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:11,675
And then I figured out a way
to get Jenny Hart here.
432
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,802
The flier.
-And now that you're here,
433
00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:15,303
you get to die with me.
434
00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:16,638
Y'all do.
435
00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:18,515
And she just lost me.
436
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,558
She just lost you?
437
00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:24,145
So now we get to transition
to the great mall in the sky.
438
00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:27,190
And you can be the queen,
and we'll be together
439
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:30,485
Forever... 21.
440
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:32,904
Wayne, you untied yourself.
441
00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:34,656
Get us the hell off this thing.
442
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,616
Yep, that's the plan.
443
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,368
Just having a...
444
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,161
...little bit of trouble
moving with her, uh,
445
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:42,163
-mannequin boyfriend staring right at me.
446
00:18:42,247 --> 00:18:44,999
Wait, that's right.
He's her boyfriend.
447
00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:46,584
He's our way out of this.
448
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:49,295
The one thing
that will get to her is jealousy.
449
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:50,922
It's classic teen drama stuff.
450
00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:51,965
So what do I do?
451
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,133
You know what to do.
452
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:54,634
Make her jealous with a performance
453
00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:56,511
worthy of a Teen Choice Award.
454
00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:58,847
Oh, my God, you're right.
455
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:07,814
Oh, no, Joshua, is that Dale making out
456
00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:09,441
with the captain of the lacrosse team?
457
00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:11,860
-The day before regionals?
458
00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:18,742
♪ Kiss me ♪
459
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:21,911
♪ Out of the bearded barley ♪
460
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,456
♪ Nightly, beside... ♪
461
00:19:24,539 --> 00:19:27,375
No!
He said he would wait for me!
462
00:19:30,462 --> 00:19:33,715
♪ Mm, what'd you say? ♪
463
00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:35,550
He can't swim!
464
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:38,178
You monster!
Aah!
465
00:19:38,261 --> 00:19:40,555
♪ Mm, what'd you say? ♪
466
00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:44,851
Wayne, you freakin' saved all our lives.
You were so brave.
467
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:47,395
You totally went to second base
with a mannequin.
468
00:19:47,479 --> 00:19:49,981
Yeah, it used to be a mannequin
would wipe your mind
469
00:19:50,065 --> 00:19:51,900
after something like this, but nowadays,
470
00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:54,986
-they have no decency.
-Oh, good Lord.
471
00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:57,530
Jenny, here you go.
I went back in and got this.
472
00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:02,369
Yeah, you know what,
473
00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:04,120
I think maybe this version of me
474
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:05,914
should just stay in the past.
475
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:09,084
Okay, I just risked my life
going back in there,
476
00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:10,585
but...
Whatev.
477
00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:13,129
We've talked about it,
and we think it's best
478
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,382
that Britney and Joshua
die with the mall, too.
479
00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:17,550
Aw, but they were really growing on me.
480
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,761
Don't worry, their secret identical twins
481
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:21,471
-will collect the life insurance.
482
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,099
Do you mean Christina Courtney Lohan
483
00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:26,309
and Logan Romijn Stamos?
484
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:34,859
-Guys, here it comes.
-Ooowee, this just in.
485
00:20:34,943 --> 00:20:37,487
A Greenpoint family
was trapped inside the mall
486
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:41,533
with a crazy woman,
but made a dramatic escape.
487
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:45,495
An anonymous redheaded source
tells us that Wayne Edwards
488
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:49,416
tricked the captor
by locking lips with a mannequin.
489
00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:52,752
Talk about ooowee.
490
00:20:52,836 --> 00:20:54,254
Does everyone need to know that?
491
00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:57,257
With me now is longtime
mall security guard
492
00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:58,967
Dale Everton.
493
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:00,051
-What?
494
00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:01,761
Dale, will it be sad
495
00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:03,680
to see the mall exploded?
496
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:05,932
Well, it was a big part of my life.
497
00:21:06,016 --> 00:21:08,018
I met my girlfriend Stacy there.
498
00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:10,520
Although she passed in 2002.
499
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,522
She got caught up in the carousel.
500
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:15,358
-Oh, what?!
-All right, looks like
501
00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:18,445
the moment is finally here.
502
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,494
All right, got all the mannequins
out of there.
503
00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:28,038
Haul 'em away.
504
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:30,999
♪ Kiss me ♪
505
00:21:31,082 --> 00:21:33,918
♪ Out of the bearded barley. ♪
506
00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:35,962
507
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:39,007
Captioned by
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