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1
00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:10,844
Oh, well, look.
Slim Jim over here's flirting.
2
00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:14,097
Mother.
I hate how you get around truckers.
3
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,391
Ooh, let's see if I can get him to honk.
4
00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:19,436
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
5
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:21,146
-Oh, no!
-Oh, Lord.
6
00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:30,196
I'm MayKay Bueller
reporting live from Highway 311
7
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,950
where an 18-wheeler
hauling Slim Jims turned over,
8
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,411
shutting down the highway for hours.
9
00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:38,038
Several injuries have been reported
10
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:40,915
as fights broke out over the errant Jims.
11
00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:42,542
With me are a mother and daughter
12
00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:45,170
who narrowly escaped the Jim Jam.
13
00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:47,005
Just speak right into
this top part right here.
14
00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:48,965
-Here we are.
-We were driving down 311
15
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,551
with all of our feet
in the car, obviously,
16
00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:54,137
and all of a sudden
there was a huge crash.
17
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,222
That trucker must've gotten distracted.
18
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:59,225
Probably caught sight
of a beautiful woman.
19
00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:02,604
"Local Grandma"?
What in the hell?
20
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:05,815
♪ Somebody's gonna pay with their life! ♪
21
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,351
The squeegee man has returned.
22
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,646
Wayne, stop.
23
00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:46,731
They hired you to wash
the windows at that high-rise,
24
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,692
-not my butt.
-Should I go?
25
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,735
I can't tell if this is romantic or not.
26
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,737
Okay, y'all, I need you
to be serious for a minute.
27
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,280
When Mother comes in for breakfast,
28
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:56,783
she's gonna be all weird,
so go easy on her.
29
00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,327
She's taking this "local grandma"
thing really hard.
30
00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,830
-Uh-oh.
31
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:07,377
Psych!
Who's that teenager that just walked in?
32
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:08,795
Oh, it's me.
33
00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:10,714
Instasnap. Chatgram.
34
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:13,216
LOL. I am triggered.
35
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,218
Oh, Mother, you look amazing.
36
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,137
You never looked more beautiful, Betty.
37
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,764
I hope this is the outfit
that you one day haunt me in.
38
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:23,226
Can you believe my Miss Teen
Tobacco leaf gown still fits?
39
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:24,436
Hell yeah, Betty.
40
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,062
You didn't cause a 15-car pile-up
41
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,731
'cause you look like some old-ass grandma.
42
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,607
No duh.
43
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:32,777
That trucker was looking over at me
like I was Claudia Swiffer.
44
00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:35,113
-Yeah, Gram. You look great for 60.
45
00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:38,616
Oh, Violet. Run, baby, run.
46
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:44,039
-How old is she?
-No one knows.
47
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:46,750
She hole-punched the date
out of her driver's license.
48
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:54,466
Look at those rich butts
and their untouched bread basket.
49
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:57,886
What kind of evil bitch
doesn't eat a free roll?
50
00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,512
Doo, doo-doo-doo.
51
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:02,349
Y'all better straighten up
and act like somebody,
52
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:06,019
because those
are the Ladies of Greenpoint.
53
00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:09,105
Yes, they are community VIPs.
54
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:12,817
They adopt highways, they do soup kitchens
55
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,944
and they give gently used sweater sets
56
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,488
to homeless people.
57
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:17,781
MARY JILL
Excuse me.
58
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,866
-Hello?
59
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,790
Hell no.
I hate being snapped at.
60
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:30,710
Uh-oh. Looks like someone
just ordered a Filet-O-Fist.
61
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:33,129
I'll handle these
high-society cooter clamps.
62
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,964
Okay, we have a Cobb salad,
no cheese, no meat, no egg.
63
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,592
The chicken Caesar,
hold the chicken, hold the Caesar.
64
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:38,593
Grilled shrimp salad, no shrimp.
65
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,970
And a BLT, hold the B, T and bread.
66
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,181
And a side of 24 lemon wedges.
67
00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:45,642
Oh, what attention to detail.
68
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,395
Usually we have to send our orders back
six or seven times,
69
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,230
and she just nailed it.
70
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,232
Wait, I know you.
You're Betty Hart's daughter.
71
00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:54,234
Don't tell me.
Genevieve, uh, Juniper?
72
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:56,486
-It's Jenny.
-Jennifer. Right.
73
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:59,072
I'm Marjune Culpepper,
your mother's friend.
74
00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:01,908
Ladies, you don't know this,
but Jennifer's mother Betty and I
75
00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,535
-shared a lover.
76
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:06,496
-I'll have what she's having.
Randy.
77
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:09,791
Betty was courted by my beloved
late husband Morris.
78
00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:12,836
And later in life,
I, too, caught Betty fever.
79
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:17,173
So, more waters?
80
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:20,510
Ladies, I just had one
of my classic wonderful ideas.
81
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:23,346
Jennifer should be the food
and beverage coordinator
82
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,265
for our annual charity gala.
83
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,684
Yes, I agree, of course!
84
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,436
Um, I don't know.
85
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:32,230
Been so busy here working doubles,
so I-I don't think so.
86
00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:34,441
And the pay is hardly worth mentioning.
87
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,026
-Well, then definitely no.
-$250.
88
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,235
I'll do it.
89
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,577
Wayne, I can't believe your job
90
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,495
is literally looking in people's windows.
91
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:48,913
It's the best thing ever.
92
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:51,624
Well, my job is washing windows.
93
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,877
But, Wayne,
you get to see people in their homes
94
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,879
when they don't know
they're being watched.
95
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,506
It's literally a window into their lives.
96
00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:01,718
Wayne, you have to let me come with you.
Please?
97
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,971
-No, absolutely not.
Boo.
98
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:08,391
Nope. I don't care
how mad you get, it's too dangerous.
99
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,977
"Oh, you never let me do anything."
100
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:12,979
"Violet, I'm just looking out for you."
Door slam.
101
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:14,647
"Peanut, get out of there.
It's been two days.
102
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,316
You got to eat."
Breaks down the door.
103
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:18,902
She ran away. "Jenny, I tried."
104
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,363
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, you can come with.
105
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:24,616
-What was that?
-I gamed it out in my mind, and you won.
106
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,659
-Well played.
-Okay. Yes, cool.
107
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:29,287
Can we also stop and get frozen yogurt?
108
00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:31,456
No. We're not getting yogurt.
109
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,584
"Wayne, you're no fun."
110
00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:36,920
"What? I'm the most fun."
"You're not my real dad."
111
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,922
"Why'd you have to take it to that place?
112
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,548
Violet, come back.
Those are train tracks."
113
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:44,052
"No! Jenny, I tried."
114
00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:47,472
-Yogurt it is.
-Good Lord.
115
00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:53,144
Welcome, Ladies of Greenpoint.
116
00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:56,898
This year, we are going to tackle
117
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,817
one of the most debilitating conditions
118
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:02,654
female age.
119
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:05,323
Tragic, that is so sad, there has to be another way.
120
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,783
Female age is deadly
121
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:09,911
and affects 100%
of the female population.
122
00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:11,913
Oh, you mean, just getting old?
123
00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:13,540
Hush. This is important.
124
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:15,667
It starts with a single gray hair.
125
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:18,628
And suddenly,
you are completely invisible.
126
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,296
No one holding a door for you,
127
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,132
no one offering to buy you a drink,
128
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,967
no one giving you the elevator eyes.
129
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,052
-No.
-This is a charity?
130
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:27,804
Crow's feet. Flopjaw.
131
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:28,847
Raisin knees.
132
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,598
-Forearm crepe.
133
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:33,059
Minotaur haunch.
Loss of profile.
134
00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:35,270
Sleeve Kleenex. Toe jumble.
135
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:37,188
Taffy lobes. Nest hair.
136
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:39,566
Horse gums. And... neck rings.
137
00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:42,027
Statement jewelry can only work so hard.
138
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,903
-Am I right, ladies?
139
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,655
What can be done?
140
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,407
Sadly, there is no cure.
141
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,325
-But the symptoms can be managed,
142
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,453
through cosmetic surgery,
143
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,621
creams, slimes and foreskins.
144
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:55,832
-This year, our annual gala
145
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:58,460
is dedicated to helping
low-income sufferers
146
00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,670
get the procedures
they so desperately need.
147
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:04,215
Wait, this is for poor people
to get plastic surgery?
148
00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:07,469
Y'all, I'm exactly
who this charity is meant for.
149
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:08,887
I got to shake my buns
150
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,598
and get me some of those
charity procedures.
151
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,099
Marjune!
152
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:14,267
Oh, hello, Betty.
153
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,772
Oh, you two, thank you for coming.
154
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,358
It is so nice to have some
new faces around here.
155
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,568
Speaking of new faces,
156
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:25,987
how might I get one?
157
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:28,656
Oh, Betty, I don't think you need a thing.
158
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,367
Marjune, look at my face.
159
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:34,079
These are the crow's feet
of a local grandma. Please!
160
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,164
You know what, my little cigarillo?
161
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:39,042
You just shot to the top
of the Female Age Relief List.
162
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,836
And that's how you do that.
163
00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:46,591
This is some ridiculous rich-butt crap.
164
00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:48,426
$250 is not worth my soul.
165
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:49,844
Oh, Jennifer, I almost forgot.
166
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,680
Here's the 250 I owe you.
167
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:54,599
Marjune, these are all ten-dollar bills.
168
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:57,268
Yes, 250 ten-dollar bills.
169
00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,104
That's $2,500.
170
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,563
Shouldn't these be ones?
171
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:04,484
They stopped making
one-dollar bills years ago.
172
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,486
Bye-bye, soul.
173
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:15,620
So we still on for margs
and nachos at Slusheritos?
174
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:18,581
It's what I live for--
getting slushed with my best Frenda.
175
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:21,251
What the hell?
Jenny, did you rob a bank
176
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,836
and not bring me with?
177
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,879
You know that's on my bucket list.
178
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:27,590
No, it's my pay from
the Ladies of Greenpoint thing I'm doing.
179
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:30,301
Bunch of rich finger-snappers.
180
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,804
You know what, Brenda,
you're gonna get in on this, too.
181
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:34,973
-You're coming to the gala!
-I don't think so.
182
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,225
There's gonna be a prime rib
carving station.
183
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:39,394
The orange heat lamp, the wood block,
184
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,187
the husky man in the tall white hat
185
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:43,106
with a big smile and a generous knife.
186
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,025
Don't try to use my love
187
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,235
of freshly carved meat to manipulate me.
188
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:48,945
Sorry, it's done.
I'm putting your name
189
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,322
-on the list for the gala.
-Whatever, dude.
190
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,535
I don't know why Brenda's so mad.
191
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,120
Come on, Jenny, do the math.
192
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,539
The Ladies of Greenpoint
are the cool kids.
193
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,624
You and Brenda
were best friends in middle school,
194
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,002
but now it's high school,
and you just got picked
195
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,378
for J.V. cheerleading.
196
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:07,756
Jesus, have you been binging
coming-of-age movies?
197
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,632
Brenda just doesn't want
this new relationship
198
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,009
to affect your friendship.
199
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:13,011
Like in Pretty in Pink
when Andie fell in love
200
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:14,929
with that rich guy and ignored Duckie?
201
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:17,515
Or in Mean Girls when Cady said
she was gonna infiltrate
202
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:19,809
the Queen Bees,
but instead became one of them?
203
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,186
Working for a bunch of rich ladies
204
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,604
isn't gonna change who I am.
205
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:25,190
♪ I'm still, I'm still
Jenny from the block. ♪
206
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:27,192
-Hey, you know, I gave J.
-Lo
the idea for that song.
207
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:30,111
You did? Yeah, I give everyone
their ideas for their songs.
208
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:32,697
Well, me and cocaine, but it's mostly me.
209
00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:36,201
Oh, funny story, Eric Clapton's
"Cocaine"-- that was me.
210
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,411
But "Jesus Is Just Alright with Me"?
211
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,246
-Cocaine?
-Yep, so much cocaine.
212
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,290
Jennifer!
213
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:47,545
Sure your friend is still coming?
214
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,089
Her Slusherito is separating.
215
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,882
Dump it back in for another spin.
216
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,967
She'll be here.
217
00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:56,971
♪ I'm in control ♪
218
00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,431
-♪ My worries are few ♪
219
00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:01,935
♪ 'Cause I got love like I never knew ♪
220
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,646
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh ♪
221
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:08,066
♪ I got a new attitude ♪
222
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:14,614
♪ I'm wearing a new dress ♪
223
00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:16,408
♪ New hat ♪
224
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,785
♪ Brand-new ideals as a matter of fact ♪
225
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:22,831
♪ I've changed for good ♪
226
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:29,212
♪ It must have been
the cool night, new moon ♪
227
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,798
♪ Slight change or that look ♪
228
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:34,217
♪ In your eye that makes me... ♪
229
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,886
Ah, what have we here?
230
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,972
What?
That's just a nice old lady.
231
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,348
That's what she wants you to think.
232
00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:42,058
Look how bowlegged she is.
233
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,643
She obviously used to ride horses.
234
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,061
Or no, wait.
235
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,646
Motorcycles.
236
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:47,689
That lady?
237
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:50,233
-No way.
238
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,235
Dang! That is incredible.
239
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,279
-You were dead-on, Violet.
-Let's do another one.
240
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,364
Oh, oh, oh, let me do this one!
241
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,908
Okay, this guy is clearly on death row,
242
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,202
and-and-and he's having his last meal.
243
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:03,371
How is he on death row in a condo?
244
00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,790
Maybe it's house arrest death row?
245
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:08,043
Like they'll come to get him
when it's time to kill him?
246
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:10,128
I'm not as good at this as you are.
247
00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:12,130
Wayne, look at his mawashi.
248
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,215
He is clearly training
to be a sumo wrestler.
249
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:15,467
Whoa!
250
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,719
Violet, you are a genius at this.
251
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,179
Wayne, stop!
252
00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:20,805
Wigs-- clearly this one
253
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,223
is a master of disguise.
254
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,392
Or maybe it's just a lady
who likes to have fun,
255
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:27,062
but doesn't want to spend
too much time getting ready.
256
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:32,025
Whoa! Now this is interesting.
257
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:34,569
Right? A stay-at-home jeweler.
258
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:37,989
No! He's a James Bond-level
international jewel thief,
259
00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:40,075
who can slip in and out
of a room unnoticed.
260
00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:42,077
Don't know why he's slumming it
here in Greenpoint.
261
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,204
He usually works
out of Monaco or St. Barths.
262
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:46,247
Also, he's allergic to shellfish.
263
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:47,332
Hmm?
264
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,584
-Go, go, go!
265
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,215
Brenda, what are you doing in here?
266
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:56,716
There's no reason to come out.
267
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,426
I hate waiting tables.
268
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:01,096
The only reason I even come here
is to be with my friend,
269
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,098
but she doesn't work here anymore.
270
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,100
She's been replaced by a straight-haired,
271
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,726
hoity-toity hooker
272
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:08,061
-with a cold, dead heart.
273
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,438
Brenda, that's not fair.
I'm sorry I had to bail
274
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:11,898
on Slusheritos, but I'm not a hooker.
275
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,900
You are doing things you don't
want to do for money.
276
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,402
But it's a lot of money.
277
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,278
And also, it just feels so good
278
00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:20,156
to be in with the crème
de la crème of Greenpoint.
279
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,575
You know, just like
Dirty Dancing when Baby
280
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:25,286
is finally accepted by
Johnny Castle and his friends.
281
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,163
But they were the scuzzbags
in that situation.
282
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,665
Your analogy doesn't work.
283
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,458
Some of them are actually kind of nice.
284
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:33,545
Oh, there's this one girl
you would love, her name's Kirkie...
285
00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:35,255
What?! I cannot be friends
286
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:38,299
with someone who is friends with a Kirkie!
287
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:40,343
So just 'cause
I'm working my butt off to make
288
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,637
a little extra money,
we're not friends anymore?
289
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:44,764
I guess not, 'cause my friends show up.
290
00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,516
Oh, come on, just come to the gala with me
291
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,476
and get to know them.
I swear you'll have fun.
292
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:49,644
Not!
293
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:51,730
Seriously?
294
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:58,278
Oh!
So you're the Female Age Grant recipient?
295
00:12:58,361 --> 00:12:59,863
In the soon to be tightened flesh.
296
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,489
Congratulations.
297
00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:04,409
Okay, let's see
what we're working with here.
298
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:06,244
Right, so we'll tighten this--
boo-boo-boo.
299
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:07,662
Plump this-- bop-bop-bop.
300
00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:08,913
Move this-- scoochie-scoochie.
301
00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,749
Lift this-- scooby-doobie, tuck and roll.
302
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:13,668
Injection-- squank,
zip, zap, zop and we're done.
303
00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:15,378
And remember, no eating or drinking
304
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,756
-before the procedure tomorrow.
-Oh, no.
305
00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:19,591
But tonight's the gala.
306
00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:22,677
Okay, I'll make you a deal--
I won't eat or drink tonight,
307
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:25,472
and you throw in a little
sprucing of my lady bouquet.
308
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,140
I don't know what that means.
309
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,517
You know, a little pressure wash
of my fun zone.
310
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:30,894
Okay, I lied.
I do know what that means.
311
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,687
I just wanted to end this conversation.
312
00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:37,609
All right, y'all,
welcome to my labor of love.
313
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,152
Ta-da!
314
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:43,156
Whoa, Mom, this is the fanciest
thing I've ever seen.
315
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,533
Mmm, Mama could get used to this.
316
00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:46,618
Great job, Jenny.
317
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,244
And, wow, you look beautiful.
318
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,829
Careful! Don't mash the hair.
319
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,623
Fresh blowout. Kirkie!
320
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:54,084
Uh, what did any of those words mean?
321
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:57,253
Maybe "Kirkie" is rich-person talk
for "hello"?
322
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,631
Y'all, would you look at that buffet.
323
00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:01,800
It's like a Shoney's
for the Queen of England.
324
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:05,011
And I can't touch it because
of my damn surgery tomorrow.
325
00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:06,554
Lord, give me strength!
326
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:09,849
Waiter, just pour me a glass of ice...
327
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:12,060
w-w-water.
328
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:15,063
Wayne, look!
329
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:16,940
-Oh, no.
-What the heck
330
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:18,566
is that stay-at-home jeweler doing here?
331
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,610
Not that I'm scared. I'm just asking.
332
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,905
Look at all these rich
ladies wearing all their finest jewels.
333
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,782
Wayne, come on.
We got to track him.
334
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,702
No way, Vi. We're not following
some stranger around
335
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,787
at your mother's party.
336
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,039
"But, Wayne..."
337
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:34,332
"Come on, Violet, don't be like that."
338
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:35,875
Icy ride home.
339
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,877
"Violet, why won't you
put on your seat belt?
340
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:40,213
What are those headlights?"
Truck coming at us head-on.
341
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:43,842
"Violet. Violet, say something.
Anything."
342
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:48,221
"Jenny, I tried."
Okay, let's tail him.
343
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,265
-I got some walkie-talkies in my truck.
-Yes!
344
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:55,270
Jennifer, we have just been blown away
345
00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,022
by all the amazing work you've done.
346
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,732
And so we'd like to formally invite you
347
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,276
to become a Lady of Greenpoint.
348
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,570
Care to join our little band of sisters?
349
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:05,905
Really? Me?
350
00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,909
Brenda! Oh, Brenda.
351
00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:11,953
Can we put my friend on the list?
Brenda Clemmons?
352
00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:15,040
I don't think she's really
our type of people.
353
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,667
I'm sorry, all the tables are full.
354
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:21,254
Okay, um...
355
00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:23,882
Jenny.
Holy crap, is this Vanna White's house?
356
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:26,384
Brenda, I thought
you said you weren't coming.
357
00:15:26,468 --> 00:15:28,553
Aw, you look so nice.
358
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:32,182
Aw, I can't stay mad at you, Jenny.
You know that.
359
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,893
Now point me towards
that prime rib station.
360
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:36,519
Oh, Brenda, I'm so sorry.
361
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,772
Um, there's been a mix-up,
362
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,815
uh, with the seating.
363
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,278
Oh, I get it.
364
00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:48,448
That's, uh, finger-snapper speak for
"They don't want me here."
365
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:51,159
Which is perfect,
'cause, uh, this is a prank.
366
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:53,370
-Boom, bitches.
367
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,372
I wish y'all could see the ding-dong looks
368
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,332
on your idiot, pranked faces.
369
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,125
Brenda!
370
00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:07,008
If we're really gonna do this,
we're gonna do it right.
371
00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:09,010
I have experience in tracking people.
372
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:12,347
Remember, I was a security guard at Belks.
373
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:15,433
If he makes even one move for the door,
374
00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:16,768
I'll tackle him.
375
00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:17,936
You're not tackling that adult man.
376
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,688
No, I'm for sure gonna tackle him.
377
00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:22,982
This might be my only chance
to tackle somebody. There he is.
378
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:24,984
I'm going over. You stay here.
379
00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:28,488
-No tackling.
-But I feel a tackle coming on.
380
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:35,912
I think I really screwed
something up with Brenda.
381
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,123
Can't talk now.
I'm tailing a jewel thief.
382
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,500
She thinks I'm a different person,
but I'm not.
383
00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,085
Mm. Mm-hmm.
-I didn't get her into the gala,
384
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,837
but she said she didn't want to come.
385
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,673
Oh, my God.
He's gonna go for it.
386
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,383
This guy just wants to get tackled so bad.
387
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:49,926
I'm just doing this for the money.
388
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,302
It's not like I'm one of them.
389
00:16:51,386 --> 00:16:52,595
Even though this pin is really pretty.
390
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,472
-You think this is rose gold?
-Oh, no.
391
00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:56,307
He's coming over here.
Pretend we're having a conversation.
392
00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:57,684
I thought we were having a conversation.
393
00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,311
Oh, yes, Mom.
Exactly what you just said.
394
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,147
It's funny 'cause it's true.
395
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,983
-Okay, whatever, Violet.
396
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:06,443
I can't feel guilty
about Brenda right now.
397
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,069
I have a frickin' job to do.
398
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:09,946
-Wayne, I lost him.
399
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,573
Wayne, do you copy?
400
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:13,950
Wayne?
401
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,035
What are you doing?
402
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,995
I didn't lose him.
He's right there.
403
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:19,622
I'm on him like
sunblock on Julianne Moore.
404
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,041
Oh, where'd he go?
405
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:23,460
Oh, God, oh, God.
406
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,048
Betty, I know you can't tell
because my face
407
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:30,925
looks so frozen and wet, but I'm worried.
408
00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:32,052
Where is your light?
409
00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,762
My light ran out of batteries,
410
00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:36,389
-and my batteries are crab legs.
-What?
411
00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:39,017
I just got to get that surgery
over with tomorrow,
412
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:42,187
and then I can chow down
with my new young face.
413
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,314
Betty, a youthful appearance
414
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,274
requires continual sacrifice.
415
00:17:46,358 --> 00:17:47,734
During your gruesome recovery,
416
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:50,153
you'll only be able to drink broth
through a straw.
417
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:53,448
And once you're healed,
you will be addicted to pain killers.
418
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:56,868
But the good news is they'll
keep your appetite at bay.
419
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:58,703
Betty, I haven't been in the sun
or eaten anything
420
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:01,289
other than dry salads for 25 years.
421
00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:03,416
Tomorrow is only the beginning.
422
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:06,878
You know what?
423
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:10,882
I think I know an easier way
to fix this face.
424
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:14,928
Smoked Gouda. Sheer heaven.
425
00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:17,222
Perfect.
426
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,640
Yep. Surgery's off.
427
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,850
-Thanks anyway, Marjune.
-Betty, you're right.
428
00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:23,937
I love seeing that cheese
give you so much pleasure.
429
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,022
May I feed you?
430
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:29,275
Uh, I-I guess.
431
00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:39,119
Okay, this is taking too long.
I got food to eat.
432
00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:44,165
We have got a very special surprise guest
433
00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,334
to kick off tonight's gala.
434
00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:49,963
Please put your hands together
for Patti LaBelle impersonator
435
00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:51,756
-Julie Vous Coucher.
436
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,259
Where are my backup singers?
437
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:57,053
Oh, my God. It's him.
438
00:18:57,137 --> 00:19:00,265
♪ Running hot, running cold ♪
439
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:02,892
♪ I was running into overload ♪
440
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,562
♪ I got a new attitude... ♪
441
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,148
That's what all the jewels were for.
442
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:09,649
Of course.
443
00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:14,779
Oh, what? There's supposed
to be champagne glasses here.
444
00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:16,448
Can we get some champagne flutes here?
445
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:19,492
The stemmed glasses. Hello?
446
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:21,119
I can't believe it.
I'm putting two fingers together
447
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,579
and snapping at another human being.
448
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,330
I'm still doing it.
Stop it, Jenny.
449
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:28,084
I'd like all the Ladies of Greenpoint
to come up on stage.
450
00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:32,672
And I'd like everyone
to give an especially warm welcome
451
00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:34,466
to our newest member Jennifer Hart.
452
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:40,805
It's Jenny.
My friends call me Jenny.
453
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:42,807
And I'd like to take this moment to say
454
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:46,436
that I am officially resigning
from the Ladies of Greenpoint.
455
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,022
Y'all are so cool and so glamorous,
but you know what?
456
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:50,774
This isn't for me.
457
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:53,651
I mean, i-it was great to be asked
into the popular group
458
00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:55,653
like a beautiful nerd in a teen movie,
459
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:57,864
but now I have put my glasses back on,
460
00:19:57,947 --> 00:20:01,284
and I can see that this fundraiser
is kind of a joke.
461
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:03,161
-Female age?
462
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:05,163
This money should
be going to climate change
463
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:07,165
or-or public schools.
464
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:10,710
But, honestly, I'm the one
who hasn't been very charitable,
465
00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:12,921
to my best friend Brenda.
466
00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:14,714
And I let her down big-time.
467
00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:17,050
I only wish she was here
so I could give her
468
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,427
the dramatic public apology she deserves.
469
00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:20,970
Oh, I'm here.
470
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:22,806
-Security guards at these things
471
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:26,309
are notoriously seducible.
472
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:27,519
There she is.
473
00:20:27,602 --> 00:20:29,187
Okay, y'all.
You see that woman,
474
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:30,772
climbing out from
under the prime rib station,
475
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:32,190
looking all gorgeous?
476
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:34,192
She would kill for me.
477
00:20:34,275 --> 00:20:36,403
And I mean it, y'all.
First degree murder.
478
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,530
And she'd never tell me,
because she wouldn't want me
479
00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,281
to be an accessory after the fact.
480
00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:43,118
Now I'm gonna have the time of my life,
481
00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:46,538
and I owe it all to you, Brenda.
482
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,749
-♪ ♪
483
00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:54,796
What's happening, what's happening?
484
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:56,381
-I'm falling forward.
Use your core!
485
00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:57,841
-Come on!
486
00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:05,223
Whoa, Jenny.
487
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:08,226
Thank you for the double
Diamondschlager Slusherito.
488
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:09,853
You got it, girl.
489
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:12,480
This friendship is worth its weight
in Diamondschlager.
490
00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:14,733
Julie Vous Coucher was a thief, kind of.
491
00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:16,109
In that he stole my heart
492
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:19,362
doing the duet "On My Own" on his own.
493
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:21,156
A Patti LaBelle impersonator.
494
00:21:21,239 --> 00:21:23,575
How could I have been so violently off?
495
00:21:25,577 --> 00:21:28,913
♪ Are few, 'cause I got love ♪
496
00:21:28,997 --> 00:21:30,749
♪ Like I never knew ♪
497
00:21:30,832 --> 00:21:33,960
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh... ♪
498
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