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1
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:09,509
Violet, honey?
2
00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:10,844
Your door is stuck.
3
00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:11,928
Probably swollen from the heat.
4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,555
I'll get it.
5
00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:15,265
Dang, it's real stuck.
6
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,350
Here, let me try.
7
00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:19,853
Good Lord, mother!
8
00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:21,312
It's not stuck.
9
00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:24,691
It's barricaded with a case
of Glucerna diabetes bars.
10
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:27,235
Vi, why on earth
would you barricade yourself
11
00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:29,154
in your room with my blood sugar snacks?
12
00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:31,531
It's called privacy. Bye.
13
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,908
She's entered the privacy phase.
14
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:35,535
The rebellion has started, Jenny.
15
00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:37,037
Violet is lost to us!
16
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,496
Oh, don't be so dramatic.
17
00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:39,664
She's still our little girl.
18
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:40,707
Watch this.
19
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:43,835
Vi, 90-Day Beyoncé is coming on.
20
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:45,420
Fave garbage-y reality show.
21
00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:47,130
Want to watch ironically...
22
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:48,757
while I watch unironically?
23
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,050
Nope. Bye.
24
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,134
See?
25
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,135
I'm not worried.
26
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:53,470
She's just a teenager now.
27
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,138
Aren't you even a little bit curious
28
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:56,306
what she's doing in there?
29
00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:57,474
She's a good girl.
30
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:58,641
She's-- oof,
31
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,643
probably shouldn't say it-- but a nerd.
32
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,479
And nerds never get up to anything.
33
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:03,938
It's a mirage.
34
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,148
A smoke screen.
35
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,775
At her age, you tried to play the angel,
36
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,234
but I was on to you.
37
00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,862
There was nothing to be on to.
38
00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:20,038
Ready to go to Jacksonville?
39
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,335
Jenny, I am so glad
you dumped that old guy.
40
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:27,003
I didn't. He dumped me.
41
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,046
What?!
42
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:29,714
He dumped you?!
43
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:31,424
I'm gonna dump him!
44
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,261
Eight ball, corner pocket.
45
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:37,263
Brenda, what did you do?
46
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,848
I did what I had to do.
47
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,392
I killed a man who hurt you.
48
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:41,726
The hell you did!
49
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,978
All you did was beat me
with a Snapple bottle!
50
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,980
-He's alive!
-Run!
51
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:46,981
Oh, Lord.
52
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,525
You almost dug yourself
53
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,485
an early grave and dragged me in with you.
54
00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:52,487
Oh, like you were a perfect child.
55
00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:53,571
I was.
56
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:54,906
All I did was go
57
00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:56,950
to Sunday school on the regular.
58
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:05,291
You legal?
59
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,960
I am in Oklahoma.
60
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,545
Oklahoma it is.
61
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,716
-We've got to get in there.
-I know!
62
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:15,385
Not like that!
63
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:48,501
This secretive behavior
is how it all starts.
64
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,628
Locking the door, not opening the door,
65
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:53,256
saying sarcastic things through the door.
66
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,633
Teen sarcasm is just a slippery slope
67
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,177
to teen pregnancy.
68
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,386
Y'all need to stop.
69
00:02:58,470 --> 00:02:59,763
I've seen this before.
70
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,848
You get fixated
on something and spiral out
71
00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:04,100
to the worst possible conclusion.
72
00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:13,485
Why does she need her backpack?
73
00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:15,820
-It's summer.
74
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:19,824
-Wine?
-Menthols?
75
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:22,243
And what the hell is this, Violet?
76
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:23,578
It's called a switchblade.
77
00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:25,121
Google it.
78
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:31,294
Oh, no, my baby's doing knife crimes.
79
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:34,464
I'm stepping away,
so I don't get caught up in some bullcrap.
80
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,758
Got to get back to fixing your roof.
81
00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:39,469
All right.
82
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,763
So, uh, here I go.
83
00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:43,807
About to fix your entire roof.
84
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,600
-Mm, okay.
-That's great, you're an angel.
85
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,310
Blessed be, our hero.
86
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,646
I'll take that, I guess.
87
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,232
Hey, it's Violet.
88
00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:53,483
I'm gonna be a couple minutes late.
89
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,527
I'll hurry. Okay!
90
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,821
Sorry, it-it won't happen again.
91
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,406
Who's she talking to on that phone?
92
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:01,449
Kids don't talk to each other
on the phone anymore.
93
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,910
She's obviously talking to a grown man.
94
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,457
Wayne! Wayne!
95
00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:11,626
We need you to build a peephole
so we can spy on Vi.
96
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,878
I'm up here fixing holes, not making them.
97
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,714
-Oh, please?
-Pretty please?
98
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:18,717
No!
Now y'all get down from here.
99
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:22,345
Oh, uh-oh, I'm sliding, y'all!
100
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,015
Will you two knock it off?
101
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,599
Don't claw the shingles.
102
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,602
Well, there goes five dollars.
103
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:30,770
Ten.
104
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:32,272
Let go of my ankle!
105
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,274
Don't kick your mother, you monster.
106
00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:37,152
-15... $20.
107
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,863
-Wayne, save us!
-$85.
108
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,906
We're gonna die!
109
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:45,493
Will you two
just slightly extend your legs?
110
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:51,374
Wait, what the hell?
111
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,961
Bobbie Nell, why are you filming us?
112
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,588
I'm just gathering evidence.
113
00:04:56,671 --> 00:05:00,633
All this roof racket is driving
my free-range cockatiel bonkers.
114
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:07,932
Bobbie Nell, that bird just
wants to get out of your house.
115
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,018
He's trapped in a bird nightmare.
116
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:11,353
You're all nightmares!
117
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:14,564
And I'm about to be your
nightmare and your daymare.
118
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,156
If Violet ever caught us snooping,
119
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,741
she would never forgive us.
120
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,451
Did you find anything?
121
00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,078
No, but we'd better find out soon
122
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,288
before she ends up dead in a ditch.
123
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:31,623
Good Lord, Mother.
124
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,500
It's just an expression, Jenny.
125
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,835
An expression that some
poor mom came up with
126
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,962
when she found her daughter
dead in a ditch.
127
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,923
-Oh, Lord!
-We got to find out
128
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,549
what the hell she's up to.
129
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:44,844
Tomorrow we are gonna put a tail on her.
130
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:48,640
See you in court, Wayne.
131
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,059
What? You're gonna sue me
132
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:54,896
for $4,999?!
133
00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:57,982
For me and my bird's emotional distress.
134
00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,735
See you this afternoon, turd lover.
135
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:02,195
-What?
-Turd lover.
136
00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:04,322
-It's a person who loves...
-No!
137
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,950
I mean the part where you said,
"See you this afternoon"?
138
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:09,828
Well, it'd be a shame
if you couldn't make it.
139
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:12,038
Then I would automatically win.
140
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,040
Bobbie Nell, I swear to God.
141
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,419
Oh, dang it, you spooked her!
142
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:23,383
Something's off as hell.
143
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:25,760
She's never walked this far in her life.
144
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:28,471
That's it. I'm calling her.
Hey, Violet.
145
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,558
-Just calling to see what you're up to.
Yeah, well,
146
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,935
I'm hanging over at David's.
We're watching
147
00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,145
The Great British Bake Off.
Got to go.
148
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,855
Oh, God. She lied.
149
00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,982
She lied straight into my earholes.
150
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,610
Go around, you monsters!
151
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:45,613
-Hey, my babies.
152
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:47,574
I'm going faster than y'all are.
153
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,410
Oh, no! A pebble!
154
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,413
They got her out there recruiting.
155
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,248
Who-who? Recruiting for what?
156
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:57,959
I've been holding back because
I didn't want to freak you out,
157
00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,588
but I am a hundred percent sure
Violet's in a cult.
158
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,673
He's isolating her from her family,
159
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,258
demanding secrecy.
160
00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:07,093
-Now, when we get to the cult place,
161
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,596
do not let me get
anywhere near the leader.
162
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,140
We don't know how charming
he is going to be.
163
00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:14,893
But I do know that when I get
around one of those Svengalis,
164
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:18,021
I'm gonna get immediately
swept up into his orbit.
165
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,023
What in the hell are you talking about?
166
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:23,610
It's the power, Jenny.
What can I tell you?
167
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,820
Bhagwan. Yes.
168
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:29,449
The Reverend Sun Myung Moon?
Where do I sign?
169
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,201
L. Ron Hubbard?
170
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,787
Oh, in that Navy uniform?
171
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:37,749
He can audit my bathing suit area anytime.
172
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,251
-Mother, that is a bummer.
173
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:41,753
Well, I'm just saying
174
00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:45,256
don't judge this man
until we see how handsome he is.
175
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,886
-Uh-oh.
-What?
176
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,096
My diaper's full.
177
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,347
Your what is what?
178
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:54,766
I'm wearing a crazy astronaut lady diaper
179
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:57,519
because I didn't know how long
this was going to take.
180
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,688
But they don't tell you
how quick these things fill up.
181
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:02,399
I feel like I got a bowling ball
down there.
182
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,983
Mother, are you insane?
183
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:06,945
No. Putting on this
crazy astronaut lady diaper
184
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,030
is the sanest thing I've ever done.
185
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,116
I would do anything for my grandbaby.
186
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:14,536
And if you cared about Violet,
you'd be wearing a diaper, too.
187
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,371
Pulling over.
Got to dump it
188
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,748
and slam on a fresh one.
189
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:21,543
Your Honor,
190
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,670
Ben Matlock, attorney-at-law.
191
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,422
Ooh, boy.
192
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,383
Let me put my chili dog down.
193
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:31,636
"Ooh, boy.
Let me put my chili dog down."
194
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,430
What's up, weirdo?
195
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,890
Hey, Brenda.
Got to go to court today.
196
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:38,184
-Court?
-Bobbie Nell's suing me.
197
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,812
Oh, crap. You're gonna lose.
198
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:44,399
I can't afford to lose.
She's suing me for five grand.
199
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,568
That is a life-ruining amount of money.
200
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,319
Boy, are you glad I ran into you,
201
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:49,863
Wayne, 'cause I am the queen
202
00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:51,698
of Guilford County small-claims court.
203
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:54,409
Slip and falls, Craigslist mishaps,
204
00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:57,620
waterslide burns--
the list goes on and on.
205
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:58,955
I'm-a go with you.
206
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,665
Oh, thanks, Brenda, but I'm gonna be fine.
207
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,709
I'm studying old Matlocks.
208
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:06,129
Lame. Bobbie Nell
is an animal in that courtroom.
209
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,465
It's how she makes her living.
You're gonna need more
210
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,967
than just your moseying
Southern lawyer show.
211
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,635
You're gonna need me.
212
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,721
Let's tank up! Dickie,
213
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,973
we'll have a round
of peach cobbler Slusheritos
214
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,142
and an order of flour gravy poppers.
215
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,102
Oh, snap. You going to court?
216
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,490
Come on, Mother!
217
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,991
We're losing her.
218
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,369
Violet, no!
219
00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:40,622
Be careful on that giant, stupid bike!
220
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,707
I will for the sake of me
221
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:46,586
and our baby, Randy Jr.
222
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:50,131
Next stop Jacksonville,
223
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:51,424
-my babies.
224
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:54,052
Oh, no, a bottle cap!
225
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:55,720
Drive, drive, drive!
226
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,144
What the hell are we running from?!
227
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:04,646
The clerk saw me pushing my diaper
228
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,523
into that straw wrapper
trash can by the soda fountain.
229
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,400
Now, where the hell is Violet?
230
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,777
Well, I was watching her
231
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:14,406
walk towards the Birchwood Strip Mall,
232
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,032
but now I'm snoot-first in a crevasse.
233
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:18,451
Oh, Lord!
234
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,203
We are wedged in this ditch.
235
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,913
Don't worry. I got this.
236
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,207
Mama bear energy!
237
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:29,379
You can't just summon it, Jenny.
Here, let me try.
238
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,047
Ow!
239
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,968
Looks like we're gonna
have to squish and shimmy.
240
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,972
Oh, my dipe.
241
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,515
Well, on the bright side,
242
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,517
I can't speak for all the other ditches,
243
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,978
but at least we know
Violet's not dead in this one.
244
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:48,398
-Now there's only one thing left to do.
245
00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:51,735
-Hitchhiking?
-If we are gonna save her,
246
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:55,155
we've gotta follow her
down the rabbit hole.
247
00:10:55,238 --> 00:11:00,160
Yep.
Still got the thumb of a 16-year-old.
248
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:01,995
Hey, sugar.
249
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,831
Ooh, look at that big wheel!
250
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,962
We're trying to catch up with my daughter,
so if you could just
251
00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:13,715
-drop us off at the Birchwood Strip Mall?
-Sure. Wait.
252
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,133
This isn't a sting, is it?
253
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,177
One of those To Catch a Predators?
254
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:18,803
Just kidding.
255
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,056
-Let's go grab that little girl.
256
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:22,599
Oop. Got to make a pit stop.
257
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,896
Open the door. We can jump out.
258
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,148
-Now's our chance.
-Well, it's happening.
259
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:32,067
I'm finally being human trafficked.
260
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,110
I guess on the bright side,
they will be getting me
261
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,571
-in my prime.
-What in the hell is wrong with you?
262
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,031
Sir? Mister?
263
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,199
Sir?
264
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,286
-He's doing drugs!
-Oh, it's heron!
265
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,454
Oh!
266
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,998
-No, it's just my insulin.
267
00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:49,667
We're coming, Violet!
268
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,795
Let us borrow those bikes, children.
269
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,296
-Give us those bikes!
-We need those bikes!
270
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,923
Get on the bikes!
271
00:11:58,093 --> 00:12:00,220
I've been following your wins.
272
00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:02,138
Follow yours, too.
273
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,682
You won a settlement for slipping
274
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,935
on a Slip 'N Slide, and "slip"
is right there in the title.
275
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:08,478
Kudos, milady.
276
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,605
I've heard of a hot coffee lawsuit,
277
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:12,524
but an iced coffee lawsuit?
278
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,067
Impressive.
279
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:17,362
This is gonna be fun.
280
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:18,988
So, do we just walk on in?
281
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,032
'Cause on Matlock,
they just come back from commercial,
282
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,450
and everybody's already in there.
283
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,786
reverse mortgage,
home catheter delivery,
284
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:27,497
cash for gold, and then, boom--
Matlock's in the courtroom
285
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,916
ready to poke holes
in alibis and timelines.
286
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,918
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
We are not doing
287
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,670
any of that Matlock crap.
288
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,381
Brenda, you better be right,
because I'm worried as hell.
289
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:40,010
I can't lose this case
and have a hole in the roof.
290
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,806
Last I saw her, she was walking
toward this strip mall!
291
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:45,974
Oh, my God.
292
00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:48,727
You were right, Mother.
293
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,020
She's in a cult.
294
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,899
Well... it's showtime.
295
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:59,487
Why in the hell are you
so horned up over all this?
296
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:02,907
All rise for the Honorable
Judge Debbie Donatello.
297
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:05,660
-Oh, no...
-Oh, not the Yankee judge.
298
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:08,038
Hi. I'm Judge Debbie Donatello.
299
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,623
I ran the toughest courtroom
in New York City.
300
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:11,916
Murders, beheadings,
301
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,045
subway shovings, Mob,
bodega-on-bodega arsons,
302
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,379
all that stuff.
303
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,381
I moved down here
to beautiful North Carolina
304
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,674
to get out of that hellhole.
305
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:21,551
All right, what's first on the docket?
306
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:25,221
Your Honor, this man gave
my cockatiel a psychotic break,
307
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,266
which caused me property damage
and emotional...
308
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,268
distress.
309
00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:32,896
Damn.
She got to the emotion card first.
310
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:36,358
Well, it's a good thing
Mr. Ben Matlock, Esquire,
311
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:40,153
the Farmer's Almanac.
312
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,780
I'm about to prove that full moon's
313
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,615
-been causing that bird's upset.
-Don't be an idiot!
314
00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:45,075
Ow!
315
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:48,828
We're not doing that hokey
folksy Matlock crap.
316
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:51,081
Now, you go on and hush
and watch me overwhelm them
317
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,624
with facts and figures.
318
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:57,796
In these 50-some-odd
United States of America,
319
00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:01,216
there are upwards of 62 billion roofs.
320
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,843
This does not include
Puerto Rico and Guam.
321
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:06,137
-Let's get into why.
322
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,598
This makes sense.
323
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:11,184
Look around.
This cult targets nerds!
324
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,896
It's a voice mail from Violet.
Shh.
325
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,940
Hi, Mom.
I'm not gonna be home for dinner.
326
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,567
-I have some stuff...
Violet, I told you no phone calls.
327
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:22,362
-Bring the baby over here.
-Oh, Lord.
328
00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:25,448
There is an older man.
329
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,659
An older, controlling man.
330
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,119
And a baby!
331
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,495
Where is she?
332
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:31,913
Where is Violet Hart?
333
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:34,165
Oh, Violet?
Yeah, she's next door.
334
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,959
No! Hey! Don't go in there!
335
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,211
He doesn't like it
when people let the light in!
336
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,632
Oh, my Lord.
337
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:47,595
There he is.
338
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:48,888
The cult leader.
339
00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,433
Oh.
What?
340
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:54,477
I thought we would
do better with the face.
341
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,815
Did you know that there are
more Spanish roof tiles
342
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,401
than there are stars in the galaxy?
343
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,028
All right, all right, your time's up.
344
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:05,280
It's so cute you people
think these are problems.
345
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:07,574
Other lady, go.
346
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,826
I'd like to call my star witness.
347
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,286
Anita, come!
348
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,540
As you can see,
349
00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:18,918
she is a sweet, normal bird.
350
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:21,838
Oh, yeah, that is a beautiful bird!
351
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,923
I'm used to diseased subway pigeons
352
00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:26,092
fighting a rat over a slice.
353
00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:28,470
But watch what this nail gun does to her.
354
00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:33,975
-No!
-Anita!
355
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,977
-No!
-Judge Debbie!
-What the hell is this?
356
00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:38,188
Don't let that country-ass bird
land on me!
357
00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:42,484
Oh!
358
00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:46,654
All right, relax, people.
359
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:48,406
A bird flew into a fan.
360
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,033
You know, I once saw a mobster
361
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,910
shove a cabbie's manhood into a Vitamix.
362
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,745
Now, that's called
a Mulberry Street Smoothie.
363
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:55,372
All right, let's take a recess.
364
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:57,916
I can't see what's going on.
365
00:15:57,999 --> 00:15:59,334
It's a baby!
366
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:01,252
And she's wearing a wedding dress!
367
00:16:01,336 --> 00:16:03,672
The leader is marrying the baby!
368
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:07,175
Oh, God, Violet's sister wife is a baby!
369
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:10,428
Prop her up. I want to see
that beautiful little face.
370
00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:14,224
After all, today is the day
she dedicates herself to God.
371
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:16,518
We have to stop them!
372
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,353
I'll grab the baby bride,
373
00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:20,605
you grab Violet,
and we'll book it out of here.
374
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:21,606
Okay.
375
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:24,025
-Three, two...
-There's no time!
376
00:16:25,276 --> 00:16:27,529
Mama bear energy...!
377
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:28,655
Ow!
378
00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:31,950
That baby is not marrying anyone today!
379
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,004
Mom! Gram! What the hell?
380
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:48,174
-What are you doing?
-What are you doing?
381
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:51,386
We're taking photos of this baby
on her christening day.
382
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,515
This is my part-time job, you lunatics.
383
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,142
-Oh...
-And that's why
384
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:58,977
-he said... Oh...
-The white dress is...
385
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,812
-Oh, and you're not in a cult.
-And I'm not attracted to him
386
00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:03,356
-because... Oh...
-You're just... Oh...
387
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,859
Thought she was getting married.
388
00:17:13,491 --> 00:17:14,993
If only you would have told me...
389
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,495
Yeah, I should have told you,
so you could come in here
390
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:19,831
and mortally embarrass me sooner.
Got it.
391
00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,416
Just please get out.
392
00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:22,709
Vi!
393
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,669
Just go.
394
00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:28,590
Maybe y'all could use this
395
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:31,259
in one of your little fall tableaus.
396
00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:34,888
Hey, friend.
397
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:37,057
What's got you down?
398
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:40,060
All I wanted to do was put
a roof over my family's head,
399
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:42,479
and now it's about to cost me five grand.
400
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,065
Son,
401
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:48,318
it ain't over
till the gavel hits the pine.
402
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:51,529
Oh, sir, you are so right!
403
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,241
Well, got to get to my murder trial.
404
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,952
-Wish me luck.
405
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:02,999
-Rest your case, or you're going to sleep.
-You rest your case,
406
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,501
or you're going to sleep.
407
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:05,877
-♪ ♪
408
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,088
If I may, Your Honor.
409
00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:13,093
Whew, boy! I sure am glad
410
00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:15,512
Lady Justice wears a blindfold,
411
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,764
so she didn't
have to see this devil's circus
412
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:20,016
that went on in here today.
413
00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:22,977
Look at us.
414
00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:25,146
I plumb forgot
what this dustup's even about.
415
00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:28,566
Now, what I'm-what I'm...
what I'm trying to say here is,
416
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:32,737
hoo, boy, we all need to stop fightin'.
417
00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:34,698
And if something's worrying our warts,
418
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:37,659
we got to open our mouths and communicate.
419
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:41,830
We all need to stop fighting
and start being kinder
420
00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:44,999
and-and more neighborly,
'cause hot diggity dog,
421
00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:48,712
and I do mean shucks. Hoo, boy!
422
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:52,132
Wayne, you're right.
423
00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:54,676
I guess I should start being kindlier.
424
00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:57,262
Bobbie Nell, I'm so sorry
for whatever part I had
425
00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,222
in what happened to Anita.
426
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,266
But the good news is, now she's in Heaven,
427
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:05,186
flying into that big ol'
sliding glass door in the sky.
428
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:07,897
Don't worry, Wayne,
she was terminal anyway.
429
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:09,149
Riddled with tumors.
430
00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:11,359
She slept on my cell phone every night.
431
00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:12,819
I couldn't stop her.
432
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:15,655
Brenda and Bobbie Nell, bring it in here.
433
00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:19,159
Aw. This hokey,
small-town crap is beautiful.
434
00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:20,785
If this was New York,
435
00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:23,038
the floor would be covered in number twos.
436
00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:24,122
Case dismissed.
437
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,463
No, thank you.
438
00:19:31,546 --> 00:19:34,507
Can you just tell me why you
wanted to get a secret job?
439
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,593
I share everything with you guys.
440
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:41,139
My bedroom is also our family
storage unit and laundry room.
441
00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,558
I really just wanted something
that was just mine.
442
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,101
I totally get that, Vi.
443
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:48,063
And I'm so sorry I embarrassed you.
444
00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:49,439
Okay.
445
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,232
Are we done?
446
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:53,943
You know, when I was young
I made a lot of mistakes.
447
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,905
And the fact that I survived
those years was pure luck.
448
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:59,115
I just got scared
that you wouldn't be as lucky,
449
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:01,409
and I went a little crazy.
450
00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:04,371
I know I need to trust you.
451
00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:06,581
I mean, we both know
you're smarter than I was.
452
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:08,666
I just need to remember that.
453
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:12,337
90-Day Beyoncé is coming on.
454
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,756
You want to watch it with me?
455
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:23,807
HOST
I'm sorry, Megan,
456
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,517
but we're at day 32,
457
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,394
and you barely look like Beyoncé.
458
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,145
It's time for you to leave the Beyhive.
459
00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:31,856
The exit is... to the left.
460
00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:47,372
Hello, turd lovers.
461
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:48,707
Bobbie Nell, what happened to you?
462
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,583
Well, you hugged me too hard after court!
463
00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:53,086
You just bought yourself a lawsuit.
464
00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:56,673
Oh, I just remembered,
your hug ripped my rotator cuff.
465
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,591
Ow! Countersuit!
466
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:00,927
-Oh, Lord.
-Bunch of loonies.
467
00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:08,810
Ma'am?
What the hell are you doing?
468
00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:10,520
Haven't you ever seen a grown woman
469
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,939
put an adult diaper
in the straw trash before?
470
00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:16,151
No, ma'am, I have not.
And I think that violates
471
00:21:16,234 --> 00:21:19,112
every health code
that has ever been written down.
472
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:21,990
Well, you should empty the trash
in the ladies' restroom.
473
00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:25,410
This is on you!
474
00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:26,619
Oh, come on!
475
00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:29,497
And pick up all these sunglasses!
476
00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:33,918
Every damn spectacle...
477
00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:36,629
478
00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:39,007
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