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1
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:05,881
I swear to God, I didn't think
2
00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:07,841
they could get more things
going on a pizza.
3
00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:10,552
But they did.
This pizza has a churro crust,
4
00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:14,056
but the outer edge is a pretzel filled
with cheese.
5
00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:17,184
One of the toppings on this pizza
is just tinier pizzas.
6
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,228
And don't forget about
the seven-layer dipping sauce
7
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:22,481
in a giant bowl made of Cheetos.
8
00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:24,024
But that's not all, y'all.
9
00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:26,777
-Check it out, double-sided pizza.
10
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:30,072
-We got four of these for eight dollars.
11
00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:31,823
Wait, something smells burnt.
12
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:34,743
Is there a burnt layer to this pizza?
13
00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:37,246
-Oh, my God, something's on fire.
14
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:42,960
-No, not my white zin, y'all.
15
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,378
It's seasonal!
16
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:47,256
Yeah, come on, get some.
17
00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,509
Well, here's the problem.
18
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:52,594
Have y'all not been cleaning
the lint trap?
19
00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:55,347
Oh, my Lord,
you got to clean the lint trap.
20
00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:56,932
No, I don't, Wayne. That is a myth.
21
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:59,017
-It is not a myth.
-It is definitely a myth.
22
00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:01,353
-Started by corporate butts to turn us...
-You got to clean the lint trap.
23
00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:03,647
-It says so on the lint trap.
-...into lint-trap cleaning sheeples.
24
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:06,233
Wayne, I have never met
a single person in my life
25
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,693
who cleans out their lint trap.
26
00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:10,529
Everyone cleans their lint trap, Jenny.
27
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:11,780
Then why aren't they saying so?
28
00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,407
If everyone cleaned out their lint trap,
29
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:17,202
people would be talking about lint traps
all the time.
30
00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:19,705
Yeah, all those idiots
that clean their lint traps
31
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,707
are probably too embarrassed
to talk about it.
32
00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,459
If I would've guessed
what was gonna catch on fire,
33
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:26,879
I would've put my money
on that plug ball from hell.
34
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:03,040
Well, good news is
the damage is mostly cosmetic.
35
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,876
Bad news is cleanup's
gonna take at least a week.
36
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,545
Jenny, I know you feel weird
about staying over at my place...
37
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:11,215
No. I don't.
38
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,925
Calm down, Wayne, right?
39
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,301
Mom, he's right.
40
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,011
Whenever we've had to stay at Wayne's,
41
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,638
you've turned into a total freak.
42
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:20,849
Remember when those skunks
started a fight club in our crawlspace
43
00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:23,352
and we had to go to Wayne's
while the house aired out?
44
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,103
You lasted, like, 10 minutes.
45
00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:28,524
And in that time, started, like,
10 different pointless fights.
46
00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:33,987
Jenny.
47
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,949
What? It's just a hairbrush.
48
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,913
Jenny, I told you that NASCAR throw
is a collector's item.
49
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:46,291
Oh, come on.
It's just a little makeup, it'll come out.
50
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:50,045
Ow, ow, ow, ow. Oh, damn it.
51
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,923
Jenny, I asked you
to at least leave a path.
52
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,634
Sorry, I was about to clean it up.
53
00:02:57,261 --> 00:03:00,222
I don't purposely start fights.
Wayne's just too uptight.
54
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:01,640
That's why we live apart.
55
00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,725
Jenny, this is an emergency scenario.
56
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,060
It's-it's just temporary.
57
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:08,480
Yeah, I know.
We'll crash at your place for a few days.
58
00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:10,482
Just a quick crash, you know.
Not a big deal.
59
00:03:10,566 --> 00:03:12,067
Cool, cool, cool.
60
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:14,820
All right, well, let's all hop on
the "Cool Cool Cool Express"
61
00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:17,281
to Train-Wreck Town.
62
00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:23,078
Okay, you guys, welcome to Casa de Wayne.
63
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:25,247
Make yourself comfortable.
64
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:26,582
Oh, but not too comfortable.
65
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:27,958
You know, since we're just crashing.
66
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,376
Betty, you'll love this,
67
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:32,588
I've been leeching cable off my neighbor,
Dr. Chakrabarti,
68
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:33,922
and she gets the full package.
69
00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:36,466
She must be rich as Croesus.
70
00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:41,180
Ion, Telemundo, Tumor Network.
71
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:44,516
Oh, dang, that one's got teeth and hair.
72
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,393
Uh-oh. Oh, here we go.
73
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:49,438
Unsolved Mysteries marathon
on the Christian Crime Network.
74
00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:52,232
Mother, haven't you seen all of them
already, like, 20 times?
75
00:03:52,316 --> 00:03:54,484
They unearthed some
Unsolved Mysteries episodes
76
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,404
that had mysteriously gone missing.
77
00:03:57,487 --> 00:04:00,365
That in itself was an Unsolved Mystery.
78
00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:03,702
So, yeah, hey, are you eating yogurt
with a fork?
79
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:07,998
Is this bothering you, Wayne,
the way I am choosing to eat my yogurt?
80
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,501
Okay, she's just trying to get
a rise out of you, Wayne.
81
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,127
Don't react.
82
00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:16,423
Don't even let your face
make an involuntary twitch.
83
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:21,094
Damn it, she smells blood.
84
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:24,306
Oops. Oh, I spilled on your Peterbilt rug.
85
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,891
Who has carpet in their kitchen?
86
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,893
Oh, here we go, fight number one.
87
00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:30,812
Ugh. Jenny, what is your deal?
88
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,981
I don't have a deal.
Deal or no deal? I'm no deal.
89
00:04:33,065 --> 00:04:34,858
Let's see what the banker says.
Ring, ring, ring.
90
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,568
Oh, he says I don't have a deal.
91
00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:38,904
You're being weird.
I'm gonna go get some air.
92
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,989
Oh, hey, Dr. Chakrabarti.
93
00:04:41,073 --> 00:04:42,407
Wayne!
94
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:47,412
♪ Do, do, do, do ♪
95
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:49,915
Jenny, you must have a headache
96
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,459
from all those wedding bells
you're hearing.
97
00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:56,088
I heard you and Wayne
finally moved in together.
98
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,507
Oh, Jenny, it's about time.
99
00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:01,051
Louise, Wayne and I
are not getting married.
100
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:04,555
We are only crashing at his place
because of the dryer fire.
101
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,890
Oh, I forgot.
102
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:10,227
You've got your silly,
little "issues" with marriage.
103
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,062
What? No, I don't.
104
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,772
You're missing out, Jenny.
105
00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:17,192
My wedding to Daniel
was the best moment of my life.
106
00:05:17,276 --> 00:05:18,902
Well, you need to do more stuff then.
107
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:22,072
-Oh, he is gonna propose.
-No. That's not what he's...
108
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:25,993
Jenny, you should have your reception here
at the Last Supper.
109
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,412
Oh, a beautiful Monday morning reception,
110
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,707
'cause Saturdays are our busiest days,
and Sundays,
111
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,500
so we'll have to work around that.
112
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:35,294
Not getting married, Louise.
113
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:36,962
Probably are, though.
114
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:39,506
Maybe I'll get to be your "boss of honor."
115
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,049
♪ Do, doo, do-do ♪
116
00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:42,509
♪ Do, do, do... ♪
117
00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:46,180
So Wayne's just acting like a maniac
with us living in his trailer,
118
00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:47,639
and we're just trying to power through.
119
00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:49,016
I mean, don't get me wrong.
120
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,767
I love him, but he is out of control.
121
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:53,020
Living together is all about compromise.
122
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:55,898
Which, luckily, I don't have to do
'cause I don't live with Wayne.
123
00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:59,067
Jenny, I'm no therapist,
but I did make all the therapists,
124
00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:01,153
and I think you're freaking out
because living together
125
00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,572
-feels like a step towards marriage.
Horse crap.
126
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,490
And it's bringing up a lot of stuff
about Violet's dad
127
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:08,076
and how you felt pressured by everyone
to marry him.
128
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,745
Did you just cough and say "horse crap"?
129
00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:13,290
Jesus, I'm not talking about
Don Reynolds today or any day.
130
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,959
I'm just saying, that was
the only other person you lived with
131
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:19,129
and that ended a-real a-crazy.
132
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,923
Why did you say it like that?
133
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:22,591
I'm trying a sassy best friend thing.
134
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:24,134
Um, no.
135
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:25,844
Okrrr!
136
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:29,264
Catch me up.
137
00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:31,099
This guy's called
the "Grits Box Strangler."
138
00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:33,644
He was local, operating out of Lenoir.
139
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,980
With a string of violent crimes
throughout central North Carolina,
140
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:41,735
only one woman ever encountered
the Grits Box Strangler and lived.
141
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,362
Who could've survived
that killing machine?
142
00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:44,738
Wonder Woman?
143
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,199
Her name? Crystalynn Poole.
144
00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:50,285
-What? No way.
-Whoa! Plot twist.
145
00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:53,247
I remember that day like it was yesterday.
146
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:58,377
I was at the ATM getting cash for church
because I'm a big-time tither.
147
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:01,547
Before I knew it,
he'd pulled me into his truck.
148
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:04,299
I was terrified, but I calmly asked him,
149
00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:07,344
"Young man, would you like
to pray with me?"
150
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,721
And he did. Luckily,
151
00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:12,516
there was one other person
in that car that day.
152
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,351
The Holy Spirit.
153
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,228
Oh, Lord.
154
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:19,690
How many nose hairs did she pull
to get those tears to squirt out?
155
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,276
I don't know. She was almost murdered.
156
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:25,863
Something's up. My working theory
is that she faked it somehow.
157
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,323
I live in fear every day.
158
00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:31,618
In fear that I'm gonna expose
your flat ass.
159
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:35,789
Wayne, where did you put my phone cord?
160
00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:38,542
I know I left it sitting
on top of my suitcase.
161
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:41,420
I didn't touch it.
I know better than to touch your stuff.
162
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:43,380
Whoa, okay. Take it down a notch.
163
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,923
You're being a little crazy right now.
164
00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:46,341
Do you hear yourself?
165
00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:49,845
Okay, for the sake of our relationship,
I'm gonna go get another dose of air.
166
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,973
There's a phone cord in the junk drawer.
167
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:55,934
-Hey, Dr. Chakrabarti.
Wayne!
168
00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:58,729
Oh, "for the sake of our relationship."
So dramatic.
169
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,981
Paper clips, Post-its,
170
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:04,109
big rubber bands, ring box,
small rubber bands...
171
00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:06,820
Wait, ring box?
172
00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:10,282
Oh, horse crap.
173
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,622
Thanks for meeting me here, Brenda.
174
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:19,750
Hey, I was here when you called.
So, what's up?
175
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,627
This. I found it in Wayne's drawer.
176
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,170
Is this what I think it is?
177
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,838
Oh, man.
178
00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:26,256
An engagement ring?
179
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,800
You must be farting fire, girl.
180
00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:33,013
'Cause you got an epic
big old problem with marriage.
181
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,806
Why is everyone up my butt about this?
182
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:36,934
Jenny, y'all,
I was at that three-ring circus
183
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,144
that was almost your wedding
to Don Reynolds.
184
00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:42,856
That mess was a-real ca-razy.
185
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:51,240
Uh-oh, Jenny, you're pregnant.
186
00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:53,116
Well, now you have to get married.
187
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,662
Jenny, he's rich.
You have to marry him.
188
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:59,540
Honey, you are a woman in America.
189
00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:01,208
You have to get married.
190
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:04,336
Should I have worn underwear
with this dress?
191
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:05,796
Dearly beloved,
192
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,841
marriage is forever.
193
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:12,803
Honor thy husband and obey thy husband.
194
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,264
You must obey...
195
00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:17,766
Obey. Forever. Forever.
196
00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:18,934
Obey.
197
00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:30,821
Jenny, no.
198
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,739
Think about my future.
199
00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:34,408
Stop that woman!
200
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,201
We got a runner!
201
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,588
First time on a horse.
202
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:50,299
In a wedding dress, fully with child.
203
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:52,342
I am not mad at it.
204
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:55,304
Oh, God. I bet Wayne's gonna ask me
to marry him.
205
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:58,557
I know, right?
206
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,185
No, Slusherito brain freeze.
207
00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:04,563
-Well, don't chug more.
208
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,652
Betty, what the hell?
209
00:10:10,736 --> 00:10:13,030
I saw you on Unsolved Mysteries.
210
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,908
You're lying about encountering
the Grits Box Strangler.
211
00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:18,660
-You made the whole thing up to get on TV.
-Wrong!
212
00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:22,039
I earned a coveted spot on that show
by being almost murdered.
213
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,999
And Robert Stacks himself told me
214
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:27,753
that my story was one of
the most harrowing he'd ever seen.
215
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,755
You met my Robert Stacks?
216
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:33,884
Met him?
He gave me one of his signature trenches.
217
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,973
-I can still smell the Stacks.
218
00:10:40,057 --> 00:10:41,767
That is ill-gotten.
219
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:44,269
I've played bridge with you for years,
and you got a tell.
220
00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:46,522
In your interview,
your eyebrow was flopping around
221
00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:48,273
like a caterpillar on Sanka.
222
00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:49,733
I'm gonna prove you were lying.
223
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:52,778
So get ready to have your mystery solved
for all to see.
224
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:57,241
-You got it all wrong, Betty.
225
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,368
My story is airtight.
226
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:03,163
Also, Sanka's decaffeinated,
227
00:11:03,247 --> 00:11:06,083
so a caterpillar on Sanka
wouldn't flop at all.
228
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,252
Your analogy makes no sense.
229
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,840
-Dang it.
-Oh, I don't think I got it wrong.
230
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,092
I think I got it oh, so right.
231
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:18,470
And maybe that caterpillar was flopping
around because he loves
232
00:11:18,554 --> 00:11:20,931
the rich, full-bodied taste of coffee
233
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,475
without the downsides of caffeine.
234
00:11:34,278 --> 00:11:36,113
Ha!
235
00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:40,075
Dang it.
236
00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:42,661
Let's pick this up t-tomorrow.
237
00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:45,998
-Want the lights on?
-Off is fine.
238
00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:50,669
-Why are we doing this?
-'Cause we love each other.
239
00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:53,547
And 'cause everyone else is doing it.
240
00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:01,972
You ready to talk about this yet?
241
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,224
-Talk about what?
-Oh, wow. Okay.
242
00:12:04,308 --> 00:12:05,976
Well, you're having a dream
where you're in a wedding gown
243
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,561
and falling to your death.
244
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,354
You are terrified of getting married,
245
00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:11,940
and you just need to admit it,
Frasier's DeNiles Crane.
246
00:12:12,024 --> 00:12:13,942
Oh. Great reference, Jesus.
247
00:12:14,026 --> 00:12:15,944
Yeah. I've been catching up
on all the '90s classics.
248
00:12:16,028 --> 00:12:18,447
Friends, Mad About You, Sister, Sister.
249
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,574
Will you just tell me
what you're here to tell me?
250
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:23,118
-Okay,
-Wayne's not Don.
251
00:12:23,202 --> 00:12:25,078
-That's it?
-That's it.
252
00:12:26,288 --> 00:12:28,957
-Holy guacamole!
-CHiPs!
253
00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:33,170
Sorry, I was dreaming about
that old motorcycle cop show.
254
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,735
I think I got it.
255
00:12:57,736 --> 00:12:59,112
Gram,
256
00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:01,740
I'm on the Unsolved wiki,
and the Grits Box Strangler's
257
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:05,160
been sitting in a jail
in South Carolina for 15 years.
258
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:09,289
Too bad we can't just talk to him
and ask him if he remembers Crystalynn.
259
00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:10,582
-Gram?
260
00:13:13,544 --> 00:13:17,381
Wayne, I know why you brought me here,
and guess what, it's not gonna work.
261
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,383
-'Cause you forgot to bring this.
-What?
262
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:23,095
Hey, everybody,
it's a restaurant proposal!
263
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:24,721
He's gonna propose to her!
264
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:27,266
Except she's the one
that put the ring down.
265
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:29,852
Different times, brother. Different times.
266
00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:31,728
-Who run the world?
-Girls!
267
00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:33,689
Why can't you guys sit together?
You're both eating alone.
268
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,023
Just go sit together!
269
00:13:35,107 --> 00:13:36,525
Jenny, what are you doing with that?
270
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:39,653
Is this or is this not an engagement ring?
271
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:42,030
It's my meemaw's ring.
272
00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:45,993
She gave it to me because she was afraid
Uncle Tommy would sell it or eat it.
273
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:48,203
So you never intended to propose to me?
274
00:13:48,287 --> 00:13:50,038
Okay, sure, I'll confess.
275
00:13:50,122 --> 00:13:53,750
There was a point
when I did want to propose,
276
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,879
but I know I can't
because of your thing about marriage.
277
00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:58,881
Oh, oh. Oh, so I'm the problem?
278
00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:01,800
I'm the one standing between you
and happiness?
279
00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:03,135
I didn't say that. I just...
280
00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:04,970
I know you don't want to be married.
281
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:06,847
Why does everyone think
I don't want to be married?
282
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:09,099
Because you've said so
on multiple occasions.
283
00:14:09,183 --> 00:14:11,101
Okay, well, maybe I'm changing my mind.
284
00:14:11,185 --> 00:14:14,021
Okay, then. Do you want to get married?
285
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:16,023
-I don't know. Do you?
-I do.
286
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:18,400
Okay, well,
I guess we're frickin' engaged.
287
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,611
I guess we frickin' are.
288
00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,822
Well, what are you waiting for, dummies?
289
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:24,990
Clap for us!
290
00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:36,627
Hey, guys. What's up?
291
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:39,129
Hi, Violet. Great news.
We just got engaged.
292
00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:41,298
Yeah. We're getting married.
293
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,884
This seems like a cool situation
I've walked into.
294
00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:45,219
Oh, it's the coolest.
295
00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:47,054
I can't wait to start planning
the wedding.
296
00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:49,973
'Cause no one's gonna tell me
I have issues with marriage.
297
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,934
I'm ready to start planning right now.
298
00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,561
-Unless you want to wait.
-Nope. Why wait?
299
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:55,812
When you know you're doing
300
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,814
exactly the thing
you're supposed to do, right?
301
00:14:57,898 --> 00:14:59,816
Let's go, Wayne!
302
00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,277
Hey, Dr. Chakrabarti.
303
00:15:02,361 --> 00:15:04,071
Oh, hey. Where's Wayne?
304
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:07,699
Wayne, I know
she's a-real ca-razy right now,
305
00:15:07,783 --> 00:15:09,785
but why are you going through with this?
306
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,621
I'm not gonna be the one to say
I don't want to get married.
307
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:15,123
Because then, forever and ever, amen,
308
00:15:15,207 --> 00:15:17,751
I'm the one
who didn't want to get married,
309
00:15:17,835 --> 00:15:20,337
and Jenny is not putting that on me.
310
00:15:21,255 --> 00:15:24,925
♪ In too deep, in too deep, can't quit! ♪
311
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,802
♪ In too deep ♪
312
00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:29,179
-♪ In too deep, can't quit! ♪
-♪ I'm makin' a point ♪
313
00:15:29,263 --> 00:15:30,681
♪ And no one's gonna stop me ♪
314
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,266
♪ It sounds crazy,
but that doesn't faze me ♪
315
00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:33,976
-♪ Tasting buttercreams ♪
-♪ Yum-yum! ♪
316
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,602
♪ Choosing chicken or fish ♪
317
00:15:35,686 --> 00:15:37,437
♪ You can't stop me
from getting cake toppers ♪
318
00:15:37,521 --> 00:15:38,897
♪ And pickin' peonies ♪
319
00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:40,190
♪ I'll find a folksy barn space ♪
320
00:15:40,274 --> 00:15:43,902
♪ Where we'll sit on bales of hay ♪
321
00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:46,154
♪ Hay-hey-hey-hey-hey ♪
322
00:15:46,238 --> 00:15:47,489
♪ 'Cause I'm in too deep, can't quit ♪
323
00:15:47,573 --> 00:15:49,700
♪ In too deep, in too deep ♪
324
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,952
-♪ Can't quit ♪
-♪ Oh, no! ♪
325
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:57,666
Did you ever almost strangle this woman?
326
00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:58,876
It's hard to say.
327
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,544
When I first started strangling,
328
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,130
I had the eye holes way too small.
329
00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:05,382
Once I accidentally strangled a mop.
330
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,176
She claims she started praying
331
00:16:07,259 --> 00:16:09,386
right before you were about
to turn her lights out.
332
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,763
Well, they all kind of did that.
333
00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:13,307
Thanks for nothing, Grits Head.
334
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,350
I just go by Kevin now.
335
00:16:15,434 --> 00:16:18,437
I'm a changed man.
I really worked on myself.
336
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,606
I got on meds. I work in the library.
337
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:23,483
I know everyone's birthdays, too, yeah.
338
00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,611
Yeah, I'm the birthday guy.
339
00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:27,946
Sounds like you were
more interesting the other way.
340
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:29,031
Time's up, Kevin.
341
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,202
Holy munchkin!
342
00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:36,455
So, you excited? His birthday's tomorrow.
343
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:43,045
Betty, if you're in here,
you can't scare me.
344
00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:52,262
-I'm afraid the tall tale
345
00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:53,972
you told Unsolved Mysteries
346
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:56,266
about the Grits Box Stranger came up...
347
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:57,559
short.
348
00:16:57,643 --> 00:17:02,397
I had a little sit-down with the GBS,
"little" being the operative word here.
349
00:17:02,481 --> 00:17:04,483
Let's just say some of the details
350
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:06,818
of your story need to be heightened.
351
00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,237
Spit it out, dummy.
352
00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:09,988
He's short. Short as hell.
353
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:11,490
A total hobbit, y'all.
354
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:14,243
Which means there's no way the real GBS
355
00:17:14,326 --> 00:17:17,579
would've been seen
behind your early '90s bouffant.
356
00:17:17,663 --> 00:17:21,166
You got someone else to put that box
on his head and stage the abduction.
357
00:17:22,668 --> 00:17:25,212
Okay, fine. I made the whole thing up.
358
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,256
I just wanted to meet Robert Stacks
359
00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:30,175
and solve the mystery
of what was under that trench!
360
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,803
Ugh! Who are you gonna tell?
361
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:35,472
Oh, I just might mention it to Binh Ly
at Fancy Nails.
362
00:17:35,556 --> 00:17:37,558
I don't care about that.
I don't even go there.
363
00:17:37,641 --> 00:17:40,477
But you know who does? Loretta Dix.
364
00:17:40,561 --> 00:17:42,521
-Don't care.
-Who goes mall walking
365
00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:44,982
-with Ronnie Anne Lewiston.
-Means nothing to me.
366
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:47,442
Who's in a book club with Latrice Beasley.
367
00:17:47,526 --> 00:17:48,527
Never heard of her.
368
00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:50,821
Who plays pickleball with Noreen Blix,
369
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,073
who I believe goes to your church.
370
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:54,366
Not Noreen!
371
00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:56,702
Dammit, Betty, name your price.
372
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:59,746
I might could think of something
that would keep me quiet.
373
00:17:59,830 --> 00:18:04,209
If you have any information about
the butt-whooping that you just saw,
374
00:18:04,293 --> 00:18:06,628
our operators are standing by.
375
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:13,135
Mother, where have you been?
376
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:15,179
Oh, just down in South Carolina
377
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,598
having a face-to-face sit-down
with a serial killer.
378
00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:18,891
What's going on here?
379
00:18:18,974 --> 00:18:20,142
Oh, not much.
380
00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:22,895
Just Wayne and Mom
are locked in a stupid game of chicken
381
00:18:22,978 --> 00:18:24,897
that will result in them being married.
382
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:26,398
No. We are deeply in love.
383
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:29,526
And so society won't brand us
total freaks, we're getting married.
384
00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:32,279
Don't worry, Violet.
She'll never go through with it.
385
00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:34,781
This one's got big-time marriage issues.
386
00:18:34,865 --> 00:18:36,283
Bet they haven't even set a date.
387
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,410
Um, did somebody say
we haven't set a date?
388
00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:39,620
What's today's date?
'Cause that's the date.
389
00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:40,704
Today?
390
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,998
What's wrong, Wayne?
Don't want to get married?
391
00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,166
No, I-I do.
392
00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,502
Everyone put your shoes on.
We're going to the courthouse.
393
00:18:46,585 --> 00:18:48,253
So I guess nobody's gonna ask me
394
00:18:48,337 --> 00:18:51,381
about Robert Stacks' trench coat?
395
00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:54,009
Mmm...
396
00:18:56,637 --> 00:18:58,472
All right, who's next?
397
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,307
Oh. A wedding.
398
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:01,433
-Yep.
-Sure is.
399
00:19:01,517 --> 00:19:02,809
Yup. Just like most weddings,
400
00:19:02,893 --> 00:19:06,230
an entire parking lot
saw the bride change in the car.
401
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,106
Okay, y'all seem real angry,
402
00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:09,691
and that's coming from a city employee,
403
00:19:09,775 --> 00:19:13,237
but I'll do my best to make this special
for y'all, okay?
404
00:19:14,655 --> 00:19:15,781
Dearly beloved,
405
00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:17,741
blobbity-blob, special day,
406
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,785
love is patient and kind,
407
00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,578
bleegitty-bloo, tears in heaven,
408
00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:23,705
sickness and health...
ooh, text from my daughter...
409
00:19:23,789 --> 00:19:24,998
marriage is work,
410
00:19:25,082 --> 00:19:28,126
deedly-do, blah-blah, etcetera, etcetera.
411
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:29,878
Do y'all have vows?
412
00:19:29,962 --> 00:19:33,173
I wrote some vows.
413
00:19:33,257 --> 00:19:34,967
Just read them.
414
00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:40,472
"Dear Wayne, I do have issues
with marriage."
415
00:19:40,556 --> 00:19:42,224
-Okay, you know what?
-Read.
416
00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:44,685
"What we have is so perfect
417
00:19:44,768 --> 00:19:46,728
"I'm afraid to change anything about it.
418
00:19:46,812 --> 00:19:48,522
"I infinity love you,
419
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:50,148
"all the way to the Moon and back,
420
00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:52,943
"and I don't need a piece of paper
to prove it.
421
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:56,613
"And we both know
I'm never gonna empty the lint trap."
422
00:19:56,697 --> 00:19:59,992
-Wait, it just ends like that?
-Wayne? Now you read.
423
00:20:00,075 --> 00:20:02,953
"Dear Jenny,
I promise I won't get all up your butt
424
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:05,414
"about the damn lint trap anymore.
425
00:20:05,497 --> 00:20:07,082
"You fill up the lint trap in my heart
426
00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:10,169
"because you make me feel
all warm and fuzzy."
427
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,628
Oh, you captured my voice.
428
00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:15,007
-"I think this relationship is perfect,
429
00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:19,469
"and I don't even want to get married,
because you are my family until forever."
430
00:20:19,553 --> 00:20:21,471
Violet, your vows were perfect.
431
00:20:21,555 --> 00:20:22,764
Thank you, Peanut.
432
00:20:22,848 --> 00:20:25,726
Without this ring, I don't be wed.
433
00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:27,186
I don't, either!
434
00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:29,897
Okay, well, that wedding
was a-real ca-razy.
435
00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:32,191
I don't know what to pronounce you two.
436
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:33,358
Don't pronounce them anything.
437
00:20:33,442 --> 00:20:36,111
They're fine the way they are.
438
00:20:36,195 --> 00:20:38,155
-This is the reception.
439
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:39,364
Oh, y'all.
440
00:20:39,448 --> 00:20:42,534
I wish Ed was here so he could see
his daughter not get married
441
00:20:42,618 --> 00:20:45,120
in such a beautiful dumb-butt way.
442
00:20:45,204 --> 00:20:48,415
♪ Love shack is a little old place where ♪
443
00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:52,336
-♪ We can get together... ♪
444
00:20:54,922 --> 00:20:56,298
♪ Bang, bang, bang ♪
445
00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:59,176
♪ On the door, baby ♪
446
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,512
♪ Knock a little louder, sugar ♪
447
00:21:01,595 --> 00:21:05,349
♪ Bang, bang, bang on the door, baby ♪
448
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,601
♪ I can't hear you ♪
449
00:21:07,726 --> 00:21:08,977
Ooh!
450
00:21:09,061 --> 00:21:11,021
No! Y'all don't worry about me.
451
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:12,189
Go back to dancing.
452
00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:14,149
You got the room for another ten minutes.
453
00:21:14,233 --> 00:21:17,569
-♪ On the door, baby, bang, bang ♪
454
00:21:17,653 --> 00:21:20,113
Sorry. Just trying to clean up
before the next group.
455
00:21:20,197 --> 00:21:21,949
-Shoot. Sorry.
456
00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:23,033
-Sorry.
457
00:21:23,116 --> 00:21:24,159
-Sorry.
458
00:21:24,243 --> 00:21:26,912
-Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
-♪ You're what? ♪
459
00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:29,331
♪ Tin roof ♪
460
00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:30,832
♪ Rusted ♪
35790
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