All language subtitles for Bless.the.Harts.S01E08.Mega-Lo-Memories.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,593 So, it's almost Thanksgiving. 2 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,261 And you know what that means... 3 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,222 Black Friday Eve! 4 00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:14,723 What are you gonna buy? 5 00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:17,518 Violet doesn't want to do our normal thing this year. 6 00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,102 She's got some crazy idea 7 00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,979 of doing something different this Thanksgiving. 8 00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:24,441 Oh, Violet and her beautiful, wild imagination. 9 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,943 So what does she want to do? 10 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,654 She thinks we should just sit around and eat a big turkey dinner 11 00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:30,113 and talk to each other and give thanks. 12 00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:31,532 What? 13 00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:34,952 I know, right? Violet doesn't get what Thanksgiving's really about, 14 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,662 wolfing down your food as fast as you can, 15 00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:38,121 freezing your ass off in line 16 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,831 at the Mega Lo Mart until midnight, 17 00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:42,125 and then stampeding in to fight your friends and neighbors 18 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,920 for unheard-of savings on brand-name products. 19 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:48,131 Oh, I'm gonna miss it so bad this year. 20 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,425 But I guess we'll just do a traditional Thanksgiving. 21 00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:52,803 You know what drives me a little crazy about Thanksgiving? 22 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,556 No one thinks about their grace until the last minute, 23 00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:58,559 and then it's just all over the place. 24 00:00:58,642 --> 00:01:01,645 It's like spiritual tax day, and I'm the only accountant. 25 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,564 Not to mention the fact that everyone starts with, 26 00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:05,190 "Thank you, Lord, for this wonderful meal," 27 00:01:05,274 --> 00:01:07,067 and that's the one part I didn't do. 28 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,319 It's like, thank your freakin' mom, people. 29 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:10,779 -Preach! -I am. 30 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,275 Mm. 31 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,194 Ah. 32 00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:53,697 Isn't this lovely? 33 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,450 Doesn't it feel nice to just sit down together? 34 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,452 Share this very nice meal? 35 00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:03,123 -Hmm. 36 00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:05,209 This is already better than wrestling with strangers 37 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,044 over a robot vacuum cleaner. 38 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,128 Oh! Are those on sale? 39 00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,047 -Mom... Yep. 40 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,799 Feels great to do it your way this year, Violet. 41 00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,970 -Does it? -Mmm, Bible, Bible, Bible, Bible. 42 00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:18,931 John's 3:16s. 43 00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:20,933 Holy Ghost. 44 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,601 Oh, Lord, just let me have a taste 45 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,478 of my sweet, sweet door busters circular. 46 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,146 Crock-Pots are buy one get one free. 47 00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:28,148 I'll tell you what's a crock, this Thanksgiving. 48 00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,484 Practically everything's half off. 49 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,194 Martha Stewart bedspreads... 50 00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,696 Pleat-front cargo capris by Michael Kors... 51 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:37,115 Over-the-ear noise-cancelling headphones by Skullcandy. 52 00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:38,534 Oh, come on, you guys. 53 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:41,370 See you never, Jean Naté After-Bath Splash 54 00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:44,665 with Moisture Replenishing Complex Gift Set by Jovan. 55 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,625 Okay. 56 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,460 Well, let us pray. 57 00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:51,463 Dear Heavenly Father... 58 00:02:51,547 --> 00:02:54,299 Please bless us, this beautiful family. 59 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,844 And, Lord, please bless our loved ones 60 00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,846 who have passed on. 61 00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:00,389 -Let's see... 62 00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:04,852 George Michaels, Jim Varney, aka "Hey, Vern." 63 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:06,812 Um, who else... Who else? 64 00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,231 Oh, Mork from Ork. Sears, 65 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:11,525 Roy Clarkson, oh, Macho Randy Savage, 66 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,610 Princess Leias, of course. 67 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,821 Let's see, what else? 68 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,656 I'm thankful that stars are just like us. 69 00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:19,658 -I'm thankful for those who wore it best. -Just say amen. Just say amen. 70 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,201 -Amen, Mother. Say amen. -And praying for those who did not. 71 00:03:21,285 --> 00:03:23,912 -Amen. Say amen. -Plus, bless our troops. 72 00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:26,123 May this be their last year in the Middle East. 73 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,749 And please, please, 74 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:31,170 bring Randy Quaid back to us, how he was. 75 00:03:31,253 --> 00:03:32,379 Thank you, amen. 76 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,423 -Good Lord! -That was insane. 77 00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:37,176 Mother, your grace took so long, the gravy grew skin. 78 00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:38,969 Ugh, let me nuke it real quick. 79 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:41,597 Who wants to hit the lights and TV? 80 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:42,806 I'll do it. 81 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:45,559 And that's a go for nuke-a-fication. 82 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,394 Okay, here we go. 83 00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:53,650 Ouch! 84 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,652 That microwave is gonna turn us all 85 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,487 into Myrtle Streebs from Silkwood. 86 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,656 Yeah, it melted my acrylics the other night. 87 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,575 You know what? This stops now. 88 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:04,077 I'm gonna fix that microwave right quick. 89 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:07,706 Remember the Thanksgiving when we first bought this microwave? 90 00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:11,084 -Black Friday, ten years ago. -Yeah. 91 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:13,670 Unbelievable. This family has worshipped Black Friday 92 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,923 for so long, there's folklore about it. 93 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:19,343 Oh, hush. It's actually a really beautiful story. 94 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:23,472 Violet, you were just a toddler... 95 00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:26,850 Bless Britney and Kevin Fenderleen, 96 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,645 may their love endure for many centuries to come. 97 00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:31,730 Bless the troops, 98 00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:34,191 may this be their last year in the Middle East. 99 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,984 Thank you, Lord, for Randy Quaid's 100 00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:38,111 dramatic turn in Brokeback Mountains. 101 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:41,907 Boy, is he on a hot streak that just will not end. 102 00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,534 Amen. 103 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,453 Okay, bag it up. 104 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,915 -White meat or dark meat? -Both. Cranberry sauce? 105 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,708 Are you really asking me that? Oh, don't forget the potatoes. 106 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,043 Jenny, I'm not gonna forget the potatoes. 107 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,045 Ah. 108 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,755 Good turkey this year, Mother. 109 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:58,507 Haven't gotten there yet. I'm still tunneling through 110 00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:00,092 -this green bean casserole. -Mmm. 111 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,969 Uh-oh, my spork punctured the gravy bag. 112 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,263 Gonna have to suck it out like an astronaut. 113 00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:08,350 You put a dumb sale ahead of your child, your grandchild? 114 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,561 Listen, you were safe and sound in your stroller. 115 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,105 And you ate almost an entire baggie of green bean casserole. 116 00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:14,857 -You loved it. Okay. 117 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,984 And it is fixed. 118 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,366 Well, now it does that. 119 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,368 Oh, look at her. 120 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:29,496 Ooh. It's even got a carousel. 121 00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:32,207 And you know what that means? Even heat. 122 00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:35,961 Jenny! What item are you ready to die for tonight? 123 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:38,463 Oh, well, I'm here to snag me a microwave. 124 00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:41,884 I cannot wait to knock some noggins together. 125 00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,635 My dream is that it gets so crazy in there 126 00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:45,262 that I can just loot. 127 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,181 -I didn't even bring my wallet. Mona? 128 00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:49,183 -Brenda, look at that guy, y'all. -Mona? 129 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,185 Mona? Mona? 130 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,520 The most fake-ass name I've ever heard in my life. 131 00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:56,607 -He's about to cut. -Mona? Mona? 132 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:57,941 On it! 133 00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,526 -No cutting. 134 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,737 We all know there's no Mona. Back of the line. 135 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,156 -Mona? -Shut up. 136 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,408 Oh, y'all. 137 00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,619 All the crazies have come out tonight. 138 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,037 What's the plan, baby? 139 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,455 We're gonna bypass electronics 140 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,540 'cause there's gonna be a big log jam right here 141 00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:14,708 with the flat-screen melees. 142 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:16,293 So, we're gonna take the northern route 143 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,961 towards appliances by zig-zagging through maternity, 144 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,546 'cause those ladies are slow, 145 00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:20,964 then, we're heading to intimates 146 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,966 to kitchenwares via the garden center. 147 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,426 -Boom! -Very clever, Jenny. 148 00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:26,386 -I taught you well. -And then it's just 149 00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:28,180 a straight shot over to women's footwear. 150 00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:30,891 Where I'm gonna pick me up a timeless pair of pink UGG-ugs. 151 00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,226 Mother, they're just called UGGs. 152 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,852 UGG-ug-ree to disagree. 153 00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:35,646 But it doesn't matter. We got this. 154 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,315 -Up high, Violet. 155 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,442 Aw, baby's first turkey coma. 156 00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:44,780 I can't believe it, my babies! 157 00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:47,324 I'm very first in line. 158 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,409 I've been here for four days. 159 00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:57,709 Help! I'm pinned! I was immediately pinned. 160 00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,004 -Ugh. -Hey. Watch it. 161 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,798 Watch it, dumbass! Lady with a baby! 162 00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:05,300 Son of a... Sporting goods? 163 00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:07,010 That should be beauty and personal care. 164 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,263 They rearranged the whole store. 165 00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,598 Oh, corporate butts. 166 00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:12,850 Don't fight it. 167 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,227 Just swim with the tide, y'all. 168 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,478 Good luck with your UGGs! 169 00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:18,313 It's UGG-ugs! 170 00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:21,108 Behold! Capitalism at its worst! 171 00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:24,194 Or is it capitalism at its best? 172 00:07:29,825 --> 00:07:31,952 Come to Mama. 173 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,621 -Ooh! -Ooh! 174 00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:37,332 Crystalynn! 175 00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:40,043 So nice to see you. 176 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,045 But it looks like you're mistakenly clutching something 177 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,505 that belongs to me. 178 00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:46,466 Betty, our Lord and Savior really did bless you 179 00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,635 with a wonderful sense of humor. 180 00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:50,971 Now let go of my UGG-ugs. 181 00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:52,472 Cut it, Crystalynn. 182 00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:54,641 I don't have time for these fake niceties. 183 00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:57,769 And I don't have time not to be with my UGG-ugs. 184 00:07:57,853 --> 00:08:00,397 Now please get your dirty, sooty racoon paws 185 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,982 off my UGG-ugs. 186 00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,193 -They're my UGG-ugs, you ho-bag! -So tacky. Stop pulling 187 00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:05,485 -on my UGG-ugs. -No, you stop! You're the one 188 00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,654 -stretching them to begeebus. -I need these to wear 189 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,406 to church! 190 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,575 Well, way to go, Crystalynn. 191 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,119 You beheaded the last pair. 192 00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:16,663 I should whip your boo-heiny with this here sole. 193 00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:18,790 Stop flapping your commode lips. 194 00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:22,044 Thanks to your animal behavior, neither of us have UGG-ugs. 195 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:33,138 Oh, Hades, no. 196 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,017 Oh, sorry. 197 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,727 Oh, hey, Jenny. 198 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,395 Do-do-do-do. 199 00:08:40,479 --> 00:08:42,731 Have you met my special friend Daniel? 200 00:08:42,814 --> 00:08:44,858 Oh, yeah. Mother bought her CRX 201 00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:46,193 from his family's car dealership. 202 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,736 Hi, Daniel. 203 00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:50,280 Daniel, stop. 204 00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:52,741 Daniel wants me to buy some intimates 205 00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,493 from the sleepwear sections. 206 00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:56,703 He just can't get enough of me. 207 00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,372 Oh, do-do-do-do! 208 00:08:58,455 --> 00:08:59,540 Well, I'll leave you to your... 209 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:05,671 Now, where did those corporate butts hide you? 210 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,548 'Cause I'm gonna find you, 211 00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:11,260 thousand W twin-touch microwave by LeChef. 212 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,595 Help! I'm pinned 213 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:16,723 by this carrot-nosed Pinocchio. 214 00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:25,274 So you lost me 215 00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:27,067 in a Super Mega Lo Mart 216 00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,151 on Black Friday? 217 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,612 Okay, I did not lose you. You ran away. 218 00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:32,865 And it took years off my life. 219 00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:34,658 I was beside myself, 220 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,952 frantically running around that store screaming. 221 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:39,413 Somebody help. Somebody help! 222 00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:43,250 Help me. That woman's hoarding all the UGG-ugs! 223 00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,835 Ma'am, it's Black Friday. 224 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,670 We're all just trying to stay alive in here. 225 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:50,299 Get away, you animals. I'm on break! 226 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:55,053 Crystalynn, I don't care for you at all. 227 00:09:55,137 --> 00:09:57,472 But I think we need to team up on this one. 228 00:09:57,556 --> 00:10:00,767 Extreme situations call for extreme measures. 229 00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:02,436 So it's a devil's bargain, then. 230 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:03,562 Let's roll. 231 00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,193 Sir, I'm looking for a LeChef microwave. 232 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,777 Are you hiding some in the back? 233 00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:13,822 This is Mega Lo Mart. The whole store is the back. 234 00:10:13,906 --> 00:10:15,699 I think there's a floor model on the border 235 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,242 of housewares and electronics. 236 00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:19,077 -Thank you. -But I have to warn you. 237 00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:22,289 It's the clearance section. It's basically lawless. 238 00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:25,000 Management pulled all employees out of there 15 minutes ago. 239 00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:28,003 Some real good guys, they didn't make it out. 240 00:10:32,216 --> 00:10:33,842 Here, take my gun. 241 00:10:33,926 --> 00:10:36,386 Oh, uh, okay, if you think I need it. 242 00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:38,972 A price gun? Oh, in case I need to... 243 00:10:39,056 --> 00:10:41,850 -Cause a distraction. -Cause a distraction. Yes. 244 00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:44,895 Wow. Thank you. What's your name? 245 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,522 I wish it mattered. 246 00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:57,908 Hmm... 247 00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,452 Keep your eyes peeled for that Shop-Vac, Leonard. 248 00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:02,538 On it, doggone it. But I do think 249 00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:04,998 we should figure out what our new joint-venture business 250 00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:06,291 is gonna be 251 00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:08,544 before we start buying gear for it. 252 00:11:08,627 --> 00:11:11,213 It's either gonna be a forensic crime scene cleanup business 253 00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:12,965 or a mobile car wash. 254 00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:15,759 Either way, we're gonna need a Shop-Vac. 255 00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:19,012 Oh, what's that? 256 00:11:19,096 --> 00:11:21,682 Looks like this little girl wandered away from her mama. 257 00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:23,183 Hi there, little lady. 258 00:11:23,267 --> 00:11:25,686 -I'm Wayne. 259 00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,938 -And you are... 260 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,815 Smart. Don't talk to strangers. 261 00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,817 Wayne, do not get attached. 262 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:34,403 We are not equipped to raise this baby. 263 00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:38,031 The formula specifically calls for three men and a baby. 264 00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:40,701 And we are clearly short one Steve Guttenberg. 265 00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:41,910 I can't just leave her. 266 00:11:41,994 --> 00:11:44,538 I bet her family's worried sick. 267 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:48,375 Oh, of course she's heading over to the soft pretzels. 268 00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:51,378 She's probably gonna use a popcorn bucket for her Slurpee. 269 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,839 This is not very Christian of me, 270 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,632 but look at that fat ass. 271 00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:57,718 I say we bum-rush her right now. 272 00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,094 -Brandon! -Oh. 273 00:11:59,178 --> 00:12:00,637 -Dustin! -Ooh. 274 00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:02,764 Come watch my cart while I get some jalapeño dip 275 00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:03,974 for my pretzel. 276 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,642 No go on the bum-rush. 277 00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:07,853 Looks like she birthed half a football team. 278 00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:09,813 Out of her fat butt. 279 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:13,609 Lord, forgive me, but you know everyone's thinking it. 280 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,403 Don't worry, Violet, 281 00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,447 I've been doing Black Friday since I was your age. 282 00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,073 You couldn't be safer. 283 00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:22,326 You lose your way, full-pricer? 284 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,493 -Oh, my Lord! 285 00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:27,080 Ahhh! Oh, Jenny, it's just a Halloween decoration. 286 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:29,917 Git! 287 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,543 Pricebusters! 288 00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:33,545 That shirt's half off. Get it! 289 00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:37,341 That one holds a price gun. 290 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,218 She who holds the price gun makes the deals. 291 00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:41,512 Get that gun! -No! 292 00:12:44,515 --> 00:12:48,393 Eat fire cart, you animals! 293 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:52,856 Oh, my Lord. Brenda, I almost got my... 294 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,608 You need to get out of here. 295 00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:56,818 Brenda, I am not leaving you here alone. 296 00:12:56,902 --> 00:13:00,322 Oh, don't be worried for me. Be scared for them. 297 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:03,492 Brenda attack! Who's ready for more, turkeys? 298 00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,792 -Excuse me, can you help us? 299 00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,086 We found this little girl wandering around by herself. 300 00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:17,631 Another stray kid? Put her in the pen. 301 00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:21,927 Ooh-wee, that mess looks crazy. 302 00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:23,762 -Is that even safe? -Oh, yeah. 303 00:13:23,846 --> 00:13:25,305 There's a ten-year-old in there 304 00:13:25,389 --> 00:13:27,057 that's made himself in charge. 305 00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:30,853 Yeah, I don't like the look of that at all. 306 00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,479 Can you just please make an announcement? 307 00:13:32,563 --> 00:13:34,398 Oh, great idea. 308 00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,401 Attention... 309 00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:42,197 We good? 310 00:13:42,281 --> 00:13:44,449 No. And you didn't have to be sarcastic. 311 00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:46,618 I'm sorry, I'm tired. 312 00:13:46,702 --> 00:13:48,829 I've been here since Halloween. 313 00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:52,124 Just plop her in the pen with the rest of the storephans. 314 00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:53,625 Nope. 315 00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,678 Welp, Jenny, you've done it again. 316 00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,305 There's your microwave. 317 00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:08,599 Hmm, what's this? 318 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,726 A full-price item back here? 319 00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,311 I guess there's no more good deals 320 00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:14,021 in this area where I am. 321 00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:16,106 There's the stroller I've been looking for! 322 00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:17,649 What? No! That's mine! 323 00:14:17,733 --> 00:14:20,110 Not until it's seen the checkout aisle, lady. 324 00:14:20,194 --> 00:14:21,403 This is my stroller. 325 00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,030 I came in here with my daughter in it. 326 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,532 Oh, my God. 327 00:14:25,616 --> 00:14:27,659 Violet. 328 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,872 So I was wandering around 329 00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:34,708 a postapocalyptic Mega Lo Mart 330 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,835 for an hour before you realized I was gone? 331 00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:38,337 No. 332 00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:39,671 Well, yeah. 333 00:14:39,755 --> 00:14:41,256 Protecting your daughter on Black Friday 334 00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:43,425 -is harder than it looks. -Yeah, didn't matter. 335 00:14:43,509 --> 00:14:45,260 I was on the case. 336 00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:48,805 -This your little girl? -Uh-uh. 337 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,766 Does this little girl look familiar to you? 338 00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:52,809 -No? Get up in there, get a good look. 339 00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:53,936 Is this yours? 340 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,479 Excuse me, this one yours? 341 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,731 -Hey, does she belong to you? -Wayne! 342 00:14:57,814 --> 00:15:00,609 I bet that pyramid of Shop-Vacs is getting real small. 343 00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:01,860 All right, you go grab one 344 00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:03,570 while I look for this little girl's mama. 345 00:15:03,654 --> 00:15:06,657 Come on, sweet pea. Give me a clue. 346 00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:14,456 Dang, peanut. You got some talent. 347 00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:15,958 Oh. 348 00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:18,293 Is this your mama? This is gonna be easy. 349 00:15:18,377 --> 00:15:21,255 All we got to do is find the lady dressed like this. 350 00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:25,676 Damn. That Britney look really is all the rage. 351 00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,678 Violet! Oh, Violet. 352 00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:30,055 -Where are you? Violet? 353 00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,682 Violet! 354 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,184 -Excuse me. Get out of the way. -Hey, lady. 355 00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:36,395 You can't be mingling around with the storephans. 356 00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:38,397 You have to check in with an employee. 357 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,898 Are you kidding me? I'm not taking orders 358 00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,984 from some kid in a "guess what, chicken butt" shirt. 359 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:44,444 Guess what, chicken butt? You sure as hell are. 360 00:15:44,528 --> 00:15:45,779 I'm looking for my daughter. 361 00:15:45,863 --> 00:15:47,906 Uh, her name is Violet. She's wearing a red jacket. 362 00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:50,993 Oh, yeah, she was here. Two guys took her. 363 00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,120 What? Oh, my God! 364 00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:58,041 Just like the baby Jesus, all we need is an inn. 365 00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:02,171 Oh, she sells Mary Kay, huh? 366 00:16:02,254 --> 00:16:05,507 Well, I think I just found our star of Bethlehem. 367 00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:09,303 Sure wish I knew more about makeup. 368 00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:12,264 I guess I'll just buy whatever's at my eyeline 369 00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:14,308 and pay full retail. 370 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,769 Excuse me, honey. I couldn't help but overhearing. 371 00:16:17,853 --> 00:16:21,190 You seem flustrated about your skin care regime. 372 00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:22,733 Cherish Hughes. 373 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,611 My name's Mrs, um, uh... 374 00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:26,945 Pantene, 375 00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:29,615 um, Pert-Clairol. 376 00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:32,492 Mrs. Pantene Pert-Clairol. 377 00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:34,828 Well, Ms. Pert-Clairol... 378 00:16:34,912 --> 00:16:36,622 Oh, honey, just call me Pantene. 379 00:16:36,705 --> 00:16:39,082 Pantene, I'm so glad I ran into you. 380 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,919 I'm a Glam-bassador for Mary Kay Cosmetics. 381 00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:45,172 In fact, I'm buying my whole team some pink UGG-ugs. 382 00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:46,965 Well, this is my lucky day. 383 00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:49,009 Can you help me understand 384 00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:52,346 all that hullabaloo about contouring? 385 00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,310 Start at the forehead 386 00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:00,312 and move confidently along the hairline 387 00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,814 down to just kiss the cheekbones. 388 00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:05,442 Hey, do I go, um... 389 00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:06,902 Up into the earhole? 390 00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:08,070 Heavens, no. 391 00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:09,613 Just wistfully contour 392 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:12,241 -two fingers along the jawline. -Um... 393 00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:13,825 Hey, how can I tell, y'all, 394 00:17:13,909 --> 00:17:15,953 if my foundation is going on too dark? 395 00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,704 Try our custom blend line. 396 00:17:17,788 --> 00:17:20,624 Let me grab it from my makeup caboodle. 397 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:22,876 How do I sell Mary Kay? 398 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,295 That is a wonderful question. 399 00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:26,880 Get out of there, dummy. 400 00:17:26,964 --> 00:17:28,423 -What? -I mean, 401 00:17:28,507 --> 00:17:30,425 I should get out of here, dummy. 402 00:17:30,509 --> 00:17:32,845 Meaning me. I'm the dummy, see? 403 00:17:32,928 --> 00:17:35,973 All right, now. Thanks for fixing my face. 404 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:38,016 Excuse me, I... 405 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,728 No, your shoes aren't right. 406 00:17:41,812 --> 00:17:43,856 -What? -Screw him. 407 00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:46,692 -Uh, nope. Wrong fedora. 408 00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,110 Wayne. 409 00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:52,072 I don't know if I can hold this box much longer. 410 00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:53,866 I can't put this little girl down. 411 00:17:53,949 --> 00:17:55,742 She'll wander off again. 412 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,672 -Mama! -Is that her? 413 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:09,840 Is that your mama? 414 00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:12,134 Wayne! The Shop-Vac! 415 00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:13,677 You know the rule. 416 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:17,681 It touches the floor, it's yours no more, 417 00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,683 my baby. Ooh! 418 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,059 I'm pinned! 419 00:18:21,143 --> 00:18:24,062 Pinned by the object of my own desire. 420 00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:26,231 -Violet? -Excuse me, ma'am. 421 00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:27,691 -Is this your girl? 422 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,484 Violet! Oh, Violet. 423 00:18:29,568 --> 00:18:32,446 Oh, Violet. Oh, baby, you're safe. 424 00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:35,824 Oh, my Lord. Oh, uh, thank you so much. 425 00:18:35,908 --> 00:18:38,035 Oh, you're so welcome. 426 00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:39,203 Jenny. 427 00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:41,997 Jenny. Hi, I'm, uh... 428 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,707 -Uh... -Wayne. 429 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:47,294 -Wayne. That's right. Thank you. -How did you find me? 430 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:50,130 Oh, well, you have a very talented little peanut here. 431 00:18:50,214 --> 00:18:52,633 -Baby, you drew this? 432 00:18:54,218 --> 00:18:57,513 Incoming! 433 00:18:58,263 --> 00:19:00,265 My microwave! 434 00:19:00,349 --> 00:19:02,267 You like me? 435 00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:04,645 -Yeah. -Too bad! 436 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:06,063 They got our Shop-Vac. 437 00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:08,857 Took my suit jacket, too, Wayne. 438 00:19:08,941 --> 00:19:10,859 Ripped it right off my body. 439 00:19:10,943 --> 00:19:13,028 Buttons flying everywhere. 440 00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:15,239 You guys were after a Shop-Vac? Ugh, that's smart. 441 00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:17,074 You know, 'cause you can use it for multiple businesses. 442 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:18,951 Yes, exactly. That... 443 00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:21,245 That's our business plan. 444 00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,038 Well, sorry you didn't snag one tonight, 445 00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:25,666 but I've got one you can borrow. 446 00:19:26,959 --> 00:19:29,044 No, I did not have a Shop-Vac. 447 00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:30,671 I just wanted Wayne to call me. 448 00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:32,422 So dumb. 449 00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:35,342 I thought you were telling me how you got our microwave, 450 00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:37,636 but it's actually the story about how you two met. 451 00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:41,348 And how I first started to draw, or whatever. 452 00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:43,058 Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. 453 00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:45,060 Yep. My sweet Violet. 454 00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:47,646 Can I say just a few words of thanks? 455 00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,314 I hit just about everybody, but if you want 456 00:19:49,398 --> 00:19:50,816 to throw in some names, go for it. 457 00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:53,986 I do. Mom, I want to thank you 458 00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:55,904 for always trying to give me the best, 459 00:19:55,988 --> 00:19:57,990 even though we can't always afford it. 460 00:19:58,073 --> 00:20:00,659 And, Gram, thanks for your unwavering commitment 461 00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,119 to retail justice. 462 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:05,122 And, Wayne, not to get too dramatic about this, 463 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:08,500 but thank you for actually maybe saving my life. 464 00:20:08,584 --> 00:20:10,419 You're, like, my guardian angel. 465 00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:13,797 Now I think there's only one more thing to say. 466 00:20:13,881 --> 00:20:15,632 Let's bag it up. 467 00:20:15,716 --> 00:20:18,051 Really? You want to go to Mega Lo Mart? 468 00:20:18,135 --> 00:20:20,137 Those over-the-ear noise-cancelling headphones 469 00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:22,514 by Skullcandy aren't gonna buy themselves. 470 00:20:22,598 --> 00:20:24,725 Well, all right! Thanksgiving's back! 471 00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:26,977 -I'll warm up the truck. Dessert in first, y'all! 472 00:20:28,020 --> 00:20:29,313 Hey, Violet. 473 00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:48,665 See? Now, doesn't this just feel right? 474 00:20:48,749 --> 00:20:50,083 Sure as hell does, y'all. 475 00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:52,336 Oh, no. 476 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,546 Oh, hey, Crystalynn. 477 00:20:54,630 --> 00:20:56,340 -Hey, y'all. -Hey, Crystalynn. 478 00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:58,091 What you got your eye on tonight? 479 00:20:58,175 --> 00:21:00,719 A Hamilton Beach programmable six-quart slow cooker 480 00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:03,347 in stainless steel with a temperature probe. 481 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:06,016 Hey, Mom, isn't that what you're loo... Ooh. 482 00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:09,561 See you in there, Crystalynn. 483 00:21:09,645 --> 00:21:12,689 Wait, Gram, how come I never see you wearing those pink UGGs? 484 00:21:12,773 --> 00:21:15,442 Well, me and Crystalynn's alliance was short-lived. 485 00:21:15,526 --> 00:21:17,903 We had a little altercation the following Sunday. 35155

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.