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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,252 --> 00:00:05,339 Lord, Wayne, your barbecue smells like sheer heaven. 2 00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:06,757 Yeah, it does. 3 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,258 Uh-uh, get out of here, bird. 4 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,968 Can somebody pass the lettuce? 5 00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:11,929 You know, the one food on this table 6 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:15,140 that never had thoughts or feelings or a face? 7 00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:17,643 Violet, hush. Wayne's barbecue is magical. 8 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:20,562 Oh, she's just going through her vegetarian phase. 9 00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:24,525 Not a phase. Unless caring about murder is a phase. 10 00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:26,693 Violet, honey, I watched you dip a corn dog 11 00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:28,737 into a can of chili less than a week ago. 12 00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,198 Thanks for bringing up my rock bottom, Mom. 13 00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:32,991 I'm five days meat sober. 14 00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:35,077 -Get out of here, bird! 15 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:38,705 Oh, and by the way, I got an idea for the ostriches, y'all. 16 00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:40,457 You've heard of the running of the bulls? 17 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,043 Well, get ready for the running of the birds. 18 00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,628 Oh, my Lord, y'all. 19 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,965 We all know Wayne's never gonna make dime one on any of these schemes. 20 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:51,051 You just wait. One of Wayne's ideas is gonna hit. 21 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,804 If Wayne wants to be an entre-pray-newer... 22 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,265 Mmm... Man alive, is this good... 23 00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:58,350 Then he needs to find the thing that he is good at. 24 00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:02,771 Mmm. Mmm! Y'all, this barbecue is just... Oh, it's melting in my mouth. 25 00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:06,149 And do that thing instead of all this bird nonsense. 26 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,985 Mmm, mmm, mmm! 27 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,987 Wayne, I know what you should do. 28 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,781 You should enter the cook-off at this year's Barbecue Festival! 29 00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:14,575 Nah. I know my barbecue's good. 30 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:15,659 Who needs a top-off? 31 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,411 I do! Hallelujah! 32 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:19,496 What's the opposite of "hallelujah"? 33 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,082 Here you go. Got one for you... Whoa! 34 00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,917 Almost got me. 35 00:01:57,826 --> 00:02:00,037 -What's wrong, baby? -The drawing I submitted 36 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,623 to be the logo for the Greenpoint Barbecue Festival? 37 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:03,749 It won. 38 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:06,251 Well, Violet, that's great. 39 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:07,961 "Go ahead and eat me, 40 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,964 "but remember I'm as smart as a human toddler!" 41 00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:14,009 Gram, look what they did. They took out the thought bubble. 42 00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:16,053 Thank God. 43 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,387 They censored me. 44 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:20,390 How can my art provoke with a fascist boot on my neck? 45 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:23,477 Wait. Rick Ocean and the Sandbars? 46 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,938 Oh, Vi. Do you know the song 47 00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:27,898 I Found Her Flip-Flop on the Beach? 48 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,526 If I say no, can we go back to my thing? 49 00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:34,112 Rick Ocean and the Sandbars are the international kings 50 00:02:34,196 --> 00:02:35,948 of Carolina beach music. 51 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,616 With all their hit songs... 52 00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:39,368 Beach Music, Sand Music Beach, 53 00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,370 You Bring the Beach... Parentheses... 54 00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:42,788 I'll Bring the Music. 55 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,623 Life's a Beach And Then You Swim... 56 00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,375 -Parentheses... The Music Song. 57 00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:50,045 And of course, B-E-A-C-H... Parentheses... 58 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:51,713 That's How I Spell Music. 59 00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:56,134 You know, I am very close, intimate friends 60 00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:59,221 -with Rick Ocean. -And cue the gross story. 61 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:02,182 He was my first real romance after Ed died. 62 00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:05,227 I was in a hole so deep, I thought I'd never get out. 63 00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,770 Rick's touch healed me. 64 00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:09,273 For over a decade, we've been like two ships 65 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:12,109 that pass in the night. And circle back around to ram 66 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,988 into each other like the Titanic and that iceberg. 67 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,823 Violet? 68 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:20,951 Okay, barbecue fans, it's time to get fired up 69 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,412 for Dips, Drizzles and Dunks! 70 00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,831 With the am-bro-ssador of bro-b-cue, 71 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,958 Chip Scoville! 72 00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,470 I'm feeling the tang. 73 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:44,766 I'm tasting that funkalicious cardamom. Your sauce... 74 00:03:47,186 --> 00:03:49,771 -...is boss! 75 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,984 -He got the bro fingers! 76 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,820 Chip hands those out, like, once an episode, maybe. 77 00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,947 That must be some funktastic aioli. 78 00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:03,493 Oh, man. I love Chip so much. He is the bad boy of flavor. 79 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:07,206 Wayne, no offense to Chip, but he just comments on flavors. 80 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:08,707 You are a flavor maker. 81 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:11,835 And look what it says right here, deadline is tomorrow. 82 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,379 It's not too late. We can sign you up right now. 83 00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:16,882 You know, my barbecue takes a lot of preparation, 84 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,967 and I simply do not have the time. 85 00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:20,719 I saw this documentary about a guy 86 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,971 who tried to run a marathon without the proper preparation, 87 00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,891 and he ran 90 yards, crapped his pants, and died. 88 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:30,604 But, Wayne, if you don't do this, that man will have crapped and died for nothing. 89 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,315 But, Jenny, if I do enter, you're gonna have two deaths 90 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,567 and two craps on your hands. 91 00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:41,865 -Jenny. 92 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:45,494 How could you be so sad with your boo making barbecue this good? 93 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:48,121 You know, Wayne should enter that barbecue contest at the festival. 94 00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,457 That's what I told him. But he won't budge. 95 00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:52,417 There's no way he's gonna enter that contest. 96 00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:55,504 Jenny, do you know the parable of the footprints in the sand? 97 00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:58,215 Oh, yeah. That Dateline about that newlywed couple 98 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,217 who were supposed to be on a perfect vacation, 99 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,261 but then the husband pushed the wife off a balcony, 100 00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:04,388 and his alibi was that they were going for a walk on the beach, 101 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,224 but there was only one set of footprints, 102 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,309 'cause he was dumping her body? 103 00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:11,061 No, but that was a good one. 104 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,230 -It's always the husband, right? -Right? 105 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,023 -I still watch. -Me too! 106 00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:16,441 No, the footprints story I'm talking about... 107 00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:18,068 I'm surprised you don't know this. 108 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,028 It's on, like, posters and, like, crocheted stuff. 109 00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:21,864 Anyway, the one I'm talking about is the one 110 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:23,657 where this guy was going through a hard time 111 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:26,660 and only saw one set of footprints and thought I had abandoned him, but, 112 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,871 spoiler alert, I was carrying him. 113 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:31,999 Oh, I get it. You're saying I need to use my one set of footprints 114 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:34,001 to enter Wayne in the contest behind his back! 115 00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,544 That's a great idea! 116 00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:39,590 No. The story's not about doing something behind somebody's back. 117 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,300 Yeah, I think it is. 118 00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:43,343 Mmm... I think no. 119 00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:44,928 Well... 120 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,764 -Yeah... -No... 121 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:53,687 Welcome to the 23rd Annual Greenpoint Barbecue Festival, 122 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,940 where we show all of North Carolina that you can't 123 00:05:57,024 --> 00:06:00,777 spell "barbecue" without some of the letters in "Greenpoint." 124 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,697 Gram, it's just, it's too much Wind Song. 125 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:07,034 Baby, you got to lure a man with his senses. 126 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:11,872 And Rick Ocean's senses have to overcome a park full of roasting swine. 127 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,875 Now, why is it that you're wearing a full leather jumpsuit 128 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,793 at an outdoor festival in the summer? 129 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:22,508 I call this outfit my man catcher. It goes effortlessly from day to night. 130 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:25,135 This getup was scientifically formulated, y'all, 131 00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:29,806 to catch one super fine bass player by the name of Rick Ocean. 132 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:33,143 Wait. The band is named after him, but he's not the lead singer? 133 00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:35,145 'Cause his fingers are that good. 134 00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:40,567 And his thumb is so calloused, it could hammer a nail into sheetrock. 135 00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:41,985 Ew. 136 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,320 Oh. Ew! 137 00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:47,699 No. 138 00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:49,535 No! 139 00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:52,120 No! 140 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,708 Ooh. I haven't eaten in 36 hours in preparation to eat the best barbecue 141 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,544 North Carolina has to offer. 142 00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,045 Wayne! 143 00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:02,965 What is this over here in this area? 144 00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:04,800 Why is Leonard at that booth? 145 00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:06,885 Congratulations, you're in the contest! This is your booth. 146 00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:07,970 Get cooking. Yay! 147 00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:09,763 -Jenny... -I entered you in the contest. 148 00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:12,140 Yay! What a fun thing I did. Yay! 149 00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:15,143 You should've told me you were doing this, so I could've said no. 150 00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:16,895 Wait, I did say no. 151 00:07:16,979 --> 00:07:20,357 Come on, Wayne. We got all your supplies. 152 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,317 Wayne's 'cue! Wayne's 'cue! 153 00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,444 Wayne's 'cue! Wayne's 'cue! 154 00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:27,197 -No, no, clap on the word. -Uh-uh. Follow me. 155 00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:28,615 Wayne's 'cue! 156 00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:31,451 Wayne's 'cue! Wayne's 'cue! Wayne's 'cue! 157 00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:38,083 Well, I thought about it, and something dawned on me. 158 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:41,753 I'm a grown-ass man, and I don't have to be here. 159 00:07:41,837 --> 00:07:44,131 Well, you know, since we're already signed up, uh, 160 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,300 -I guess I got to cook it myself. 161 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:49,761 I'll just grab some of these flavor dust sprinkles... 162 00:07:49,845 --> 00:07:51,471 Jenny, you know that's called rub. 163 00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,015 Uh-oh. 164 00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:56,351 That's probably too much. Well, that's okay. 165 00:07:56,435 --> 00:07:59,396 I'm just gonna rinse it off, but what do I have for that? 166 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,648 Oh, perfect, baby wipes. 167 00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:05,194 And I'll just cut it into cubes, and boil it gray. 168 00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:07,738 Jenny, I know that's reverse psychology, 169 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:11,617 and I'll tell you right now, I never don't fall for it. 170 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,368 Give me those tongs. 171 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,497 I'll take a white zin on the rocks, 172 00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:20,042 -and make it a home pour. 173 00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:22,753 There she is, my Betty. 174 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,506 Mmm. Zip! 175 00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:29,301 Even though I was standing next to a porta-potty 176 00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,595 and a mini-dumpster of pig remains in the heat... 177 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:34,139 -Zip! -...you made sure I found you. 178 00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:36,141 Señor Oceano. 179 00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:38,727 Señorita Corazón. 180 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:41,355 Come on. Let's go back to my dressing cabaña. 181 00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:46,944 I can't wait to peel you out of that Mamma Mia!/ Evel Knievel getup. 182 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,114 Hey. Hey, you. Your costume was built on lies. 183 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,658 Violet? -Brenda? 184 00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:57,496 Whew! That feels good. It's hot as hell in this pig suit. 185 00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,206 What's got you so upset, girly? 186 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,500 This. I was censored. 187 00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:04,419 Oh, man, that is some total bullcrap. 188 00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:06,296 Girl, you come with me. I got a plan. 189 00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:09,508 -Already? -Petty retaliation is in my DNA. 190 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,134 It's my superpower. 191 00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:13,345 Now, stop panicking 'cause Auntie Brenda's 192 00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:15,722 gonna help you fix this the old-fashioned way... 193 00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:16,807 Vandalism. 194 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,158 Look at you go, Wayne. 195 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,743 It's a balancing act. 196 00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:40,706 Tart, hot, sour, sweet, and a million unknowables. 197 00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,165 I just have to feel it. 198 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:45,627 It's so fun to carry my boyfriend... 199 00:09:45,711 --> 00:09:49,548 Hey, shh. I need total silence while I work out these ratios. 200 00:09:55,888 --> 00:09:58,265 Dropping like a meat-eating meteor, 201 00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:01,727 it's your surprise celebrity guest judge, 202 00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:04,771 Chip Scoville! 203 00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,650 Chip Scoville? He's here? 204 00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:10,569 Ugh, where is he getting those sound effects? 205 00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:16,742 -Wayne, you doing okay? -Wayne, your vinegar! 206 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,452 My... My ratios! 207 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,333 I love the beach 208 00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:25,792 And the beach loves me 209 00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:27,169 -Uh-huh -The beachy beach 210 00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:30,214 Music really sets me free 211 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:33,175 I love the beach, and the beach loves me 212 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:37,179 Listening to beach music always sets me free 213 00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:39,264 The notes, the rhythm 214 00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:41,183 The treble, the bass 215 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:45,020 That beachy beach music puts a smile on my face 216 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:48,607 -Beachy beach music, beach music -Ooh, whoo 217 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:50,609 Beachy beach music... 218 00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:53,737 Well, well, look what the cat shagged in. 219 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,156 Crystalynn? What are you doing here? 220 00:10:56,240 --> 00:11:00,077 This area is for top-level VIP entourage only. 221 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,745 Read 'em and weep. 222 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:06,625 I'm with the lead singer, aka the front man, 223 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:08,794 Tim Stinson. 224 00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:10,921 Mmm, right. I forgot about him 225 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:16,760 'cause I'm seeing the bass player, who the band is named after, Rick Ocean. 226 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:20,097 Oh, he just lucked out 'cause his last name happens to be Ocean. 227 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,723 -Whoo-hoo! -Whoo! 228 00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,396 Beachy beach music... 229 00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:30,107 Too bad you can't do that, jumpsuit. 230 00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:35,654 Good thing I always come prepared. 231 00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,906 There's someone special here tonight, 232 00:11:37,990 --> 00:11:43,203 someone who is the pearl in my oyster, the flip to my flop, 233 00:11:43,287 --> 00:11:48,250 the colada to my piña, Betty Hart, will you join me on stage? 234 00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:51,879 Don't we look good together? 235 00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,422 No! 236 00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,090 Now, don't you think this pretty lady 237 00:11:55,174 --> 00:11:57,759 should be by my side for the entire tour, huh? 238 00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,094 No! 239 00:11:59,178 --> 00:12:00,721 I want you to be my woman, Betty. 240 00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:04,308 What do you say? 241 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,519 Can you hand that to Tim Stinson? 242 00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:13,400 This feels so good. Toppling the meatriarchy. 243 00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:14,693 Yeah! 244 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:16,862 Brenda, are you sure I'm not gonna get in trouble? 245 00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:19,406 -Violet, you're gonna be fine. -Hey, kid! 246 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:20,782 Get down from there! 247 00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:22,492 Oh, crap. Violet, it's the po-po. 248 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,328 I'll create a perversion. 249 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,039 -Don't you mean diversion? -Not the way I do it. 250 00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:32,586 Come on, boys, winner, winner, Brenda dinner. 251 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:35,923 We got a streak going, babies. 252 00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:37,508 Randy! What the hell, Randy? 253 00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:38,926 That's enough, Randy. 254 00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:41,929 Well, check out the new tour bus. 255 00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:44,723 It's a sweet ride, honey. There's a cooler in the console, 256 00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,975 perfect for daiquiris, 257 00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:48,602 and any medication you might have. 258 00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:52,064 Mmm, I do love an ice-cold Tylenol PM. 259 00:12:52,147 --> 00:12:54,733 Not a bad place to hang for 46 weeks a year. 260 00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:55,984 What do you say? 261 00:12:59,488 --> 00:13:02,032 I don't know, y'all. 262 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:05,244 You worried I can't take care of you? 263 00:13:05,327 --> 00:13:07,538 I got a structured settlement coming in 264 00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:09,873 from when I slipped on a shrimp and hurt my back 265 00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:12,209 on a pontoon boat at Riverfest. 266 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:15,128 Mmm. You are pushing all the right buttons. 267 00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:19,591 I have to think about it. Give me the night. 268 00:13:19,675 --> 00:13:22,010 I say, give me the night! 269 00:13:24,555 --> 00:13:27,683 Get ready, pork munchers. One minute to tongs down. 270 00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:30,310 Nope, still not right. I got to cut the heat that I added 271 00:13:30,394 --> 00:13:32,729 to counter the sweet, that I added to counter the sour 272 00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:34,857 of all that extra vinegar. Ah, you know what? 273 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:37,067 Let's just go all ketchup. Damn it, Jenny. 274 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,528 Well, sorry. 275 00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:41,280 -Tongs down! 276 00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:44,241 Your Lord and Flavior is upon you. 277 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,245 Uh... 278 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,038 -Uh... -Hi, Mr. Scoville. 279 00:13:50,122 --> 00:13:53,000 Wow, that is fun hair. 280 00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:55,752 Seeing it in person, lucky me. Whoo! And your cologne! 281 00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:58,046 Wow, that is... It's great. 282 00:13:58,130 --> 00:14:00,132 You don't get that aspect on TV, do you? 283 00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:01,633 Anyways, Chip, can I call you Chip? 284 00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:04,011 I'm talking too much. You see, I put Wayne in this position. 285 00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,220 This is too long. 286 00:14:05,304 --> 00:14:07,598 Anyways, can you just please go easy on him? 287 00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:13,228 "Easys" are for Sunday mornings, and last time I checked, it's Bro-derday. 288 00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:14,730 Now hit me with your pork. 289 00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:25,949 Now let's see how it donkey-kicks my taste-budoodles. 290 00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:33,415 Your sauce... 291 00:14:36,502 --> 00:14:38,212 ...is a total loss. 292 00:14:41,173 --> 00:14:42,382 Ugh! 293 00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:46,011 This is the worst day of my life. 294 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:49,848 -Why did you make me do this? -Oh, Wayne, I'm so sorry. 295 00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,860 So, your whole "footprints in the sand" thing 296 00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:03,487 really blew up in my face. 297 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,697 Wayne is so upset. 298 00:15:05,781 --> 00:15:07,199 Boy, you're really not getting this. 299 00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:10,953 You are still on the beach, okay? You're still living the allegory. 300 00:15:11,036 --> 00:15:13,664 So just keep on walking down that beach. 301 00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:16,166 I mean, I carried that guy a really long way. 302 00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:18,126 My dogs were barking. 303 00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:20,212 You know, maybe I'm not getting it 'cause I can't picture it. 304 00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:22,464 Were you carrying the guy, like, fireman style? 305 00:15:22,548 --> 00:15:24,383 Or, like, a bride over the threshold? 306 00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:26,760 It was face-to-face, like how you would carry a toddler. 307 00:15:26,844 --> 00:15:29,179 Really? So, like, with his legs wrapped around you? 308 00:15:29,263 --> 00:15:30,806 And your hands on his butt? 309 00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:32,599 Yeah, we called it a "Jericho Sleigh Ride." 310 00:15:32,683 --> 00:15:34,268 It was a pretty standard mode of transportation back then. 311 00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:35,477 It was a different time. 312 00:15:35,561 --> 00:15:37,729 Look, just buck up and keep going. 313 00:15:37,813 --> 00:15:39,356 I think I'm finally understanding. 314 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:42,651 I wasn't carrying him, I was pushing him. 315 00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,862 I just wanted him to see how great he is. 316 00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,864 Or you wanted you to see 317 00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:48,866 -how great he is. What? 318 00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:51,285 I'm just saying, maybe Wayne's carrying you. 319 00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:53,120 Maybe you're about to learn something. 320 00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:54,246 Ugh! 321 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:58,083 How did that guy not know your hands were on his butt? 322 00:15:58,166 --> 00:15:59,751 Oh, maybe he was asleep? 323 00:15:59,835 --> 00:16:01,587 I mean, that had to be it, right? 324 00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:05,924 Otherwise, you'd just be creepily staring into each other's eyes? Jesus? 325 00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:12,139 You still eating on that? 326 00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:13,849 Well, it's good to the last drop, baby. 327 00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:15,642 -I know. I'm sorry, Wayne. 328 00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:18,979 You are so great, and your frickin' barbecue is so great. 329 00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:20,772 I just wanted you to see that. 330 00:16:20,856 --> 00:16:23,400 Jenny, I'm good. And I know my barbecue's good. 331 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,235 -Good. -And I wasn't down on myself 332 00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:28,197 until it seemed like you were down on myself. 333 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,698 I wasn't down on you. 334 00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:31,658 Then why'd you force me into the cook-off? 335 00:16:31,742 --> 00:16:34,494 I guess I did need to prove something to myself. 336 00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:36,079 Or maybe to Mother? 337 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:39,416 But your barbecue and you are already amazing. 338 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,960 I'm just such a dang ding-dong. 339 00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:45,255 Jenny, I have a idea. 340 00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:53,430 Oh, Betty, what the hell are you gonna do? 341 00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:58,602 Goin' beach to beach with my baby 342 00:17:00,479 --> 00:17:03,315 Beach music in a traveling show 343 00:17:03,398 --> 00:17:07,277 Sittin' in my car with my baby 344 00:17:07,361 --> 00:17:10,989 Beach music on the radio 345 00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,407 Got our beach T-shirts 346 00:17:12,491 --> 00:17:13,492 Oh! 347 00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:16,411 And beach blond hair 348 00:17:16,495 --> 00:17:19,665 Sand in our flip-flops and our underwear 349 00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,750 Goin' beach-to-beach 350 00:17:21,834 --> 00:17:24,127 With my beachy beach baby 351 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:27,130 Beach-to-beach with my beachy beach girl 352 00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:30,384 All you need is music and a beach 353 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:33,720 And a man and a lady 354 00:17:33,804 --> 00:17:35,013 Beach 355 00:17:36,765 --> 00:17:38,267 So back to see your handiwork? 356 00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:40,853 Yeah. I didn't get to fill the thought bubble in, 357 00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:43,021 but I think it's still gonna get my message across... 358 00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:44,898 -Pigs have thoughts and feelings. 359 00:17:44,982 --> 00:17:46,692 Look at that pig! 360 00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:49,361 -He's farting! A farting pig? 361 00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:51,947 -That's hilarious. -Oh... 362 00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:54,700 -What? That funny farting pig 363 00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,494 is really making me want to eat more barbecue. 364 00:17:57,578 --> 00:18:02,124 Yeah, yesterday I got kind of depressed thinking about how intelligent pigs are. 365 00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:06,670 But this fun drawing has really lightened the mood. 366 00:18:08,297 --> 00:18:10,632 I thought you didn't eat meat. 367 00:18:10,716 --> 00:18:11,967 I just realized something. 368 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,594 Pigs aren't as smart as people. 369 00:18:13,677 --> 00:18:15,304 They're clearly way smarter. 370 00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:17,472 And if we don't eat them, they're gonna take over. 371 00:18:17,556 --> 00:18:19,057 True dat. 372 00:18:25,898 --> 00:18:27,900 Betty. Thank the beach. 373 00:18:27,983 --> 00:18:29,818 For a minute, I thought you weren't coming. 374 00:18:29,902 --> 00:18:32,237 I've thought about it. I've dreamt about it. 375 00:18:32,321 --> 00:18:35,574 You're offering me a life of glitz and glamour, 376 00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:40,329 soft rocking our way through the finest Native American gambling establishments 377 00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:42,080 through all the Southeast. 378 00:18:42,164 --> 00:18:45,000 But I'm a star right here in Greenpoint, 379 00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:46,335 the star of my family. 380 00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:48,003 I'm La Toya Jackson, 381 00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:50,255 and they are whoever those other Jacksons are. 382 00:18:50,339 --> 00:18:53,675 My family's my entourage, and they need me to survive. 383 00:18:53,759 --> 00:18:57,346 I can't say I didn't see this coming, but... 384 00:19:07,064 --> 00:19:08,815 Well, I guess this is it. 385 00:19:08,899 --> 00:19:10,817 Honey, this is not it. 386 00:19:10,901 --> 00:19:13,862 You're gonna be wading through my low tide at... 387 00:19:13,946 --> 00:19:17,741 The Durham Craft Beer and Catfish Bash in September. 388 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:20,577 See you soon, Mr. Ocean. 389 00:19:20,661 --> 00:19:22,996 -Not if I smell you first. 390 00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:33,924 You know what? I got stuff to do. 391 00:19:38,971 --> 00:19:41,306 It's time for Chip to taste my real barbecue. 392 00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:44,476 Ding-dong doodle, broseef. 393 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,645 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't just barge in here. 394 00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,814 Oh, hey. You're the guy with that vinegar bomb 395 00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:51,358 from yesterday that nearly threatened my sobriety. 396 00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:53,110 Chip, he is such a huge fan. 397 00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:56,280 He's seen every episode of D3 multiple times. 398 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,407 If he's a true fan, he's seen the online after show 399 00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:00,117 of Season 4, Episode 3. 400 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,535 "The Meat Diaper Challenge." 401 00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:02,911 If your slather don't stick... 402 00:20:02,995 --> 00:20:04,162 You must acquit. 403 00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:05,289 Blango tango. 404 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:06,790 Hang on, boys. 405 00:20:06,874 --> 00:20:09,585 Looks like we got a true-blue fanaroo here. 406 00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:11,628 It's true, Mr. Bro-sident in Chef. 407 00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:13,338 All right. Hand me that pan. 408 00:20:13,422 --> 00:20:15,924 But this better knock the chain off my wallet. 409 00:20:18,552 --> 00:20:21,221 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 410 00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:31,440 Hey, hoss, your sauce... 411 00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:34,610 ...is boss! 412 00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:39,156 Oh, yeah 413 00:20:40,699 --> 00:20:42,743 Oh, yeah 414 00:20:44,912 --> 00:20:46,038 Oh, yeah 415 00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:50,876 -Oh, yeah -Chicka, chicka 416 00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:54,296 -Baby, you just got bro-fingered. -Oh, yeah. 417 00:20:56,590 --> 00:20:57,841 Chicka, chicka 418 00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,096 Well, Jenny, you were right. 419 00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:05,891 Wayne's an entre-pray-newer after all. 420 00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:07,184 Here you go. Got one for you. 421 00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,061 Right here. Thank you very much. 422 00:21:09,144 --> 00:21:12,439 Who knows people were dying for a way to burn off all that barbecue. 423 00:21:12,523 --> 00:21:15,108 -Run, you beautiful beasts! 424 00:21:15,192 --> 00:21:18,737 Devil birds, you'll never catch me, my babies! 425 00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:20,364 -Oh! It got me! 426 00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:21,782 -Oh, Lord, look away, Violet. Ooh-ee! 427 00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:23,617 -I've already seen it. 428 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:24,910 Ow! 429 00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:28,872 Ah! Ooh! Ah! Ooh! Ooh. 430 00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:30,916 Ow! 431 00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:35,963 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 33187

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