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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:07,466 Mm, mm, mm. Look at those two, y'all. 2 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,511 Ew. Yeah. Ew. 3 00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:11,929 Are his nips pierced? 4 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:15,516 Ugh. Look at his girlfriend, Miss Tube-Top Tube-Bottom. 5 00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:17,017 Everyone knows you can't do tube on tube. 6 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:21,313 Excuse me, Judge Judy and Judge Joe Brown, aren't you two barefoot? 7 00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:22,397 What? 8 00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:23,941 Our shoes are right here. 9 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:27,277 We just came from Fancy Nails, aka the classiest place in town. 10 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:30,113 Although, Mother, you could be a little more on the down-low 11 00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,491 when you pump squirt cheese into your Jumbo Chugger. 12 00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:35,827 You're saying that while you're elbow deep in a Splenda caddy? 13 00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:37,579 Violet, this isn't low class. 14 00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:40,958 When something is complimentary, it is actually tacky not to take it. 15 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,335 They will expire, and people will get sick. 16 00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:44,920 Is that what you want, Violet? 17 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:48,465 Oh, damn. Here comes that righteous little witch, 18 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,384 Crystalynn Poole. 19 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,594 Crystalynn is a perfectly nice person. 20 00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:55,222 That's what she wants you to think. 21 00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,266 Oh, no. Here comes a nice-off. 22 00:00:57,641 --> 00:00:59,268 Ugh. Not in the mood. 23 00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:04,982 Oh! Hi, Crystalynn. 24 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:09,486 Betty. Oh, my word, it is so good to see you. 25 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,906 Just looking younger and younger with each passing day. 26 00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:15,868 Crystalynn, I just love your perm. 27 00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,411 Thank you. 28 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:21,540 Isn't it so wonderful that the Lord brought us together today? 29 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,500 Praise Him. 30 00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:29,882 Well, I got to go get my baby boy-themed party supplies 31 00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:32,968 for my grandangel's sip and see. Y'all take care now. 32 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,845 You, too, Crystalynn. 33 00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:36,763 Did you hear that lady-turd? 34 00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,223 Ugh. Stop it! 35 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:42,227 What is a sip and see anyway? 36 00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:46,064 It's a party where phony-butt hoity-toities stand around 37 00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,650 drinking mimosas and cooing over whatever plopped out 38 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,068 of their daughter's baby crater. 39 00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:51,195 Oh, Mother. 40 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,572 My favorite thing about you is how you support other women. 41 00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:58,452 Take a shower, trash twins! 42 00:01:58,535 --> 00:01:59,661 What the freak! 43 00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:02,372 Oh, I'm gonna take a shower, all right. 44 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:06,168 In somebody's blood! 45 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:40,035 My friggin' pedicure's got a Gatorade lid stuck to it. 46 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:44,289 Hell no. Not today, Satan. That had to be Crystalynn. 47 00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:47,292 Ugh. We just saw her. And she was totally sweet. 48 00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:49,545 Like a deceitful gummy candy. 49 00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:52,047 She starts sweet so she can go sour. 50 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:53,757 It's all part of her grift. 51 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:56,552 Whatever, Mother. I'm gonna go home and clean up. 52 00:02:56,635 --> 00:03:02,099 She thinks she's playing the long game, but I'm about to scream "Yahtzee!" 53 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:07,020 Oh, my God, Jenny. You smell like dumpster water. 54 00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:10,607 -Whoo! I'm just gonna crack a window. 55 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:12,568 Hey! 56 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,489 Oh, my God. It's Uncle Tommy. 57 00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:19,408 Whoa! 58 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:24,830 Wait, that child with the cast on his arm is your uncle? 59 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,123 How old is he? 60 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,333 Ten. He's my meemaw's youngest. 61 00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:31,253 Meemaw was getting busy deep into her 40s, 62 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,505 and having babies at the same time as my mama and her sisters. 63 00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:35,424 Meemaw's a real party girl. 64 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,801 So it always kind of falls on me to keep him out of trouble. 65 00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:38,927 Hey! 66 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,264 Stop that this instant, Uncle Tommy! 67 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:45,267 Nephew Wayne! 68 00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:48,270 I need to grab him until Meemaw wears herself out. 69 00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:49,855 Uncle Tommy. 70 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,481 Get your ass over here. 71 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,358 Uncle Tommy, come over here, hon. 72 00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:55,903 -What is he doing? 73 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,154 Oh, Lord, he's slicking up. 74 00:03:58,197 --> 00:03:59,823 I can't get ahold of him. 75 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,992 -He's too damn buttery. 76 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,788 -Jenny, throw me that tarp. 77 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,249 Ah! 78 00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:14,838 -So he's okay under there? 79 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,592 There you go, he... he likes to be swaddled. 80 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,594 Oh, my God. We caught a real-life Nell. 81 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,930 -You know what? 82 00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:25,849 I think I know where to take Uncle Tommy to tame him. 83 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,894 He needs to go to church. And not just any church. 84 00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:39,154 Uncle Tommy, I was a lot like you. 85 00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:42,491 And this place really turned me around... Stop squirming. 86 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:43,909 And stop licking me. 87 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,870 Damn it, whose dog is this? 88 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:52,209 Uncle Tommy! 89 00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:59,800 So... what did this person call y'all again? 90 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:00,968 Trash twins. 91 00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:03,220 Which, I believe, is a federal crime. 92 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,097 Well, no, it is not. 93 00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:08,642 And I don't know why anyone would call y'all trash twins. 94 00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:12,062 When I got you both over here slathering up 95 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,356 with about a gallon of free hand lotion. 96 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:17,609 Or digging out a panty bite and then touching 97 00:05:17,693 --> 00:05:21,363 no fewer than nine peaches with that same hand. 98 00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:25,492 Okay, right-right there! Freeze! 99 00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,035 Oh, hell no. 100 00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:30,080 Crystal Lynn! 101 00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:34,084 They called you what? 102 00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:36,712 -It's okay. Take it easy. -I won't. 103 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:39,464 You're the classiest girl I know, gosh dang it. 104 00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:42,509 Do-do-do-do. Look at you two. 105 00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:44,720 Just chatting by the garbage. 106 00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:47,472 Well, when you're finished with your little dumpster chat, 107 00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:48,891 you go ahead and clock out. 108 00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,726 I'm heading out early. 109 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:53,353 Got a dinner date with my sweet Daniel. 110 00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:55,898 He likes me to order and then get his stuff to go. 111 00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:59,067 He's so silly. He's a businessman. 112 00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:03,071 Two! She said two. How many are twins? Two. 113 00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:05,991 What do you put in the dumpster? Trash. Trash twins! 114 00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:09,870 -It's Louise! -Oh, cool your jets. It wasn't Louise. 115 00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:11,955 She doesn't even shop at Mega Lo Mart. 116 00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,666 Brenda, where'd you get that brick? 117 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:16,210 My purse. 118 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,966 Jenny, shug, why so down? 119 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:26,053 Someone drove by me and Mother in the Mega Lo Mart parking lot 120 00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:27,804 and called us trash twins. 121 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:31,308 -What? That's ridiculous. -Right? 122 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,352 But you had just come from Fancy Nails, 123 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:35,062 -so were you... -We were barefoot, yeah. 124 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,480 -Oh. -What? 125 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,483 So you were barefoot. In a Mega Lo Mart. 126 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:42,569 -Yes. And the parking lot. -Mm-hmm. 127 00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:46,240 Well, if Betty wants to retaliate, you should definitely try and rise above. 128 00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:49,034 An eye for an eye just makes everyone blind. 129 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:54,790 You didn't, like, go into the bathroom while you were barefoot, did you? 130 00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,333 Sorry, what? 131 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,293 Oh, nothing. Never mind. 132 00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:01,547 Good gravy, the floor in there. 133 00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:04,675 Maybe I have gotten a little too casual. 134 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,635 You know, in fact, I'm gonna clean myself up. 135 00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:09,346 I'm gonna wear more skirt suits and-and read more 136 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,390 and watch documentaries, you know? 137 00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:14,685 I'm not trash. And Mother is not doing some trashy revenge. 138 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:15,894 The end. 139 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:24,945 What's happening? 140 00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:28,699 Oh, I'm just watching a documentary about jazz, 141 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,285 i.e., killing two classy birds with one classy stone. 142 00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,287 And are you really drinking hot tea? 143 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:37,875 Yes. It's... wonderful. It's hot, unsweetened tea. 144 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,793 Mmm. Earthy. 145 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,881 Now I'm going to write a British poem. 146 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,007 Say a theme. 147 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,176 -Craziness? -"Craziness." 148 00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:51,263 British insanity. 149 00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:55,100 What rhymes with "insanity"? 150 00:07:55,184 --> 00:07:57,477 In-fam-ility. 151 00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,271 You know what? 152 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:01,023 I think I'm just gonna focus on my documentary. 153 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,191 I'm almost done. 154 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:07,654 Oh, goody, it has 36 more parts. 155 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:10,574 Okay, Mom. I like what you are attempting to do here. 156 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,285 It's a little unsettling, but at least you're not yelling 157 00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,662 in the Mega Lo Mart whilst barefoot. 158 00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:16,747 "Whilst." 159 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,582 Oh, that's an excellent word for my British poem. 160 00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:20,459 Read 'em and weep. 161 00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,628 Told. You. Y'all. 162 00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,048 The mouth that yelled "trash twins." 163 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,341 Not gonna lose it. 164 00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:30,469 I'm just gonna stay classy and finish my elegant poem. 165 00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,095 Whilst... 166 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,305 Whilst... 167 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,934 Whilst I tear that holy-rolling frizz noggin' 168 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,061 A new pew hole! 169 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:47,528 Crystalynn, you two-faced Judas. Oh, that just burns me up. 170 00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,322 She thinks she is so much better than us. 171 00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,659 Well, well, well. 172 00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:57,412 Look who just checked in at the Golden Trough Buffet. 173 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:01,333 You better hit that baked potato bar hard and fast, Crystalynn, 174 00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,460 'cause you're about to lose your appetite. 175 00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:04,878 There she is. 176 00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:07,506 Now, Mother, let's not climb directly into the mud here. 177 00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:10,676 If we're gonna do this, I think we should do it classy. 178 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,427 Right? Let's kill her with kindness. 179 00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:14,179 Fine, we'll do it your way. 180 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:17,599 Garbage water! 181 00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:19,935 I don't know why in the hell people drink unsweetened tea. 182 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:27,359 Reverend Ace, I want to thank you so much 183 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:30,445 for taking the time to talk to me and my Uncle Tommy. 184 00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:32,489 Whoa, whoa. That kid's your uncle? 185 00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,074 Yep. -That's crazy. 186 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,410 How old is he? Seven, eight? 187 00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:37,703 Yeah, he's ten. 188 00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:39,913 But he's got the criminal mind of a 20-year-old. 189 00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:41,832 -I think he needs guidance, you know, 190 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,500 a place where he fits in. 191 00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:46,044 You brought this young man to the right gym church. 192 00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:49,464 He's a perfect fit for our Little Lifters program. 193 00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:51,550 Praise him! 194 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,260 Whoo! Look at 'em go! 195 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:55,095 You wouldn't believe it to look at 'em now, 196 00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:57,973 but them sweet muscular little boys used to be 197 00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,934 a gang of unholy butts. Don't worry, Wayne. 198 00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:04,479 I'll have your Uncle Tommy spiritually ripped in no time. 199 00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:06,523 -No, whoa, Tommy, no, no, whoa! 200 00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:08,817 That's not a phone book, brother. That's a Bible. 201 00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:11,445 We only tear through those with our eyes. 202 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:14,281 Ladies and gentlemen, 203 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,867 beloved members of our congregation, 204 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:21,872 please welcome to the altar Reverend Ace! 205 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:29,963 Listen up, folks! I used to be a bad seed, a hard-core drugger. 206 00:10:30,047 --> 00:10:32,758 Even got arrested for putting a cop in a headlock. 207 00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:36,678 Lucky for me, there was one dude I couldn't put in a headlock, 208 00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:38,555 'cause of his thorny crown. 209 00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:40,849 Yep. I'm talking about Jesus. 210 00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:44,811 Now, instead of bending the law, I bend to the power of his word! 211 00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:49,358 Aw, yeah. 212 00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:55,030 Through the power of Christ and a low-fat, protein-rich diet, 213 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:58,242 -I rip through sin! 214 00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,701 -Temptation! 215 00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:01,912 And the "C" word. 216 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:08,377 So in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Swolly Ghost! 217 00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:10,212 Amen! 218 00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:21,557 Crazy on you 219 00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:25,185 Crazy on you 220 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,271 Let me go crazy 221 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:30,524 Crazy on you 222 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,985 Oh 223 00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:35,612 Oh, hey, Crystalynn. 224 00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:38,949 Look at you, all done up and pretty. 225 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:42,619 Ugh, your face looks like lipstick on an old man fist. 226 00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,955 Betty and Jenny. 227 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:48,792 Oh, my word, you look so cute as always. 228 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:51,795 Your smile just lights up a room. 229 00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:54,256 Uh, invest in some Whitestrips. 230 00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:57,384 And also a mirror, corn teeth. 231 00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:00,429 Ooh, I like your statement necklace. 232 00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:02,639 Do you wear that Lucifer dog collar 233 00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:05,184 when you're out sniffing other dogs' butts? 234 00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:08,478 Don't you just love this Golden Trough buffet? 235 00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:11,356 You two dumpster possums can't afford to eat out. 236 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,817 What'd you do? Sell your hair or something? 237 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,694 The weirdest thing happened after we saw you 238 00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:18,030 at Mega Lo Mart the other day. 239 00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:21,950 When we exited, some so-and-so drove by and catcalled us. 240 00:12:22,034 --> 00:12:23,493 That's right, I'm in this, too, 241 00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:26,079 and we know what you did, poodle-headed snizz face. 242 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,373 Uh... uh... 243 00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:32,503 Well, I got to get back to doing the Lord's work. 244 00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,546 Y'all enjoy your lunch. 245 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,427 -Whoa! Whoa! -I came as fast as I could. 246 00:12:40,511 --> 00:12:42,596 -What's going on? -I'm sorry, Wayne. 247 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:46,016 I did my best, but Uncle Tommy has got to go. 248 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:50,562 I thought you could fix him, Reverend Ace. 249 00:12:50,646 --> 00:12:51,980 He started out destroying 250 00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:54,149 all the right stuff in the name of the Lord, 251 00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:57,152 but then he just moved on over to the employee kitchenette, 252 00:12:57,236 --> 00:12:58,987 started busting up things in there! 253 00:12:59,071 --> 00:13:00,572 -No, Uncle Tommy! 254 00:13:00,656 --> 00:13:03,534 That stationary bike is supposed to stay stationary. 255 00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:06,745 Oh! Man, that felt so good. 256 00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:10,582 That two-faced hussy got the taste knocked out of both her mouths. 257 00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:15,087 Oh, you two don't need to pay. Crystalynn bought both your dinners. 258 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:18,340 She said y'all are usually struggling with money stuff, 259 00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:21,134 and she wanted to help the needy. Isn't she sweet? 260 00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,387 The sweetest. 261 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,850 Okay. I'm ready to mud-wrestle. 262 00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:35,232 My perm! 263 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:45,284 Don't forget to get a big old scoop of my baked mac and cheese. 264 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,871 Oh, my Lord! So detailed. 265 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:09,016 I'll see your porch skunk and raise you an erotic topiary. 266 00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,226 Enjoy your lawn wiener, y'all! 267 00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:14,313 -You guys having a good time? 268 00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:16,190 What are you doing standing in the kitchen with the lights off? 269 00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:19,276 Mm, what am I? I don't know. 270 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,778 Maybe I'm just waiting for you two to grow up, I guess. 271 00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:24,281 You know, it's all around town, what you guys are doing. 272 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,325 Baby, it's called justice. 273 00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,827 Violet, when you become an adult, you'll see 274 00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:31,413 that this is how grown-ups work out problems with each other. 275 00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:34,416 Stupid gross pranks? R-rated topiaries? 276 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:36,835 -That's how adults communicate? -Sure is. 277 00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,254 And what were you gonna do with this? 278 00:14:39,338 --> 00:14:42,049 Put it in her bed like The Godfather horse head 279 00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:43,675 to send a message. 280 00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:45,093 What's the message? 281 00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,096 That she's trash. 282 00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:51,350 Mom, you know I go to school with Crystalynn's granddaughter. 283 00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:53,101 Oh. Right. 284 00:14:53,185 --> 00:14:56,146 And you're just... Ugh. You're embarrassing me. 285 00:14:56,230 --> 00:14:59,399 -What? -You are embarrassing. 286 00:15:05,531 --> 00:15:06,740 How's Violet? 287 00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:09,576 I don't know. She left for school before I saw her. 288 00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:11,703 -I... I feel so bad. -Yeah, me, too. 289 00:15:11,787 --> 00:15:13,539 I feel awful. 290 00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:16,166 Which is why it's gonna take every ounce of strength I have 291 00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:18,794 to pick up that phone and order a stripper cop 292 00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:21,046 over to Crystalynn's grandangel's sip and see. 293 00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,006 Ugh. No, Mother. 294 00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:26,218 But you know what? We are going over there. 295 00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:28,136 To apologize. 296 00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:30,722 We need to put this feud to rest because we are grown adults 297 00:15:30,806 --> 00:15:32,349 and we are better than this. 298 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,227 And I don't want Violet to be embarrassed of me. 299 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:38,021 Fine. I'll go over there, but if she so much as breathes 300 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,983 the wrong way, her sip and see's gonna get a visit 301 00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:44,152 from the "Long Weiner of the Law." 302 00:15:44,236 --> 00:15:47,447 All right, Uncle Tommy. I'm taking you back to Meemaw. 303 00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:50,534 Hopefully she's not drunk under a pool table by now. 304 00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,916 Oh, she's working here? 305 00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,419 Hey, shug. Everything okay? 306 00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:04,131 Oh, sweet pea. 307 00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,717 I bet you thought I was drinking here, didn't you? 308 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,511 Nah. Well, yeah. 309 00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,930 Took this as a second job about a month ago. 310 00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:14,349 It costs a lot of money to feed and clothe all the critters 311 00:16:14,433 --> 00:16:15,976 I got running around my house. 312 00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:18,270 Plus, I'm saving up for this year's Shred Fest, 313 00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:21,523 featuring Rob Zombie, The Cult and a meet and greet with Korn. 314 00:16:21,607 --> 00:16:23,901 Get in here and give me a hug. 315 00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:26,361 -I got your back. I love you, Meemaw. 316 00:16:26,445 --> 00:16:30,449 Aw. Love you, too, baby. Now let me get y'all something to eat. 317 00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:33,785 I really owe you for spending so much time with my little wrecking ball. 318 00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:36,121 Wrecking ball. He sure is. 319 00:16:37,331 --> 00:16:38,665 You know what, Meemaw? 320 00:16:38,749 --> 00:16:41,293 You mind if I kept him for just a few more hours? 321 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,380 Hey, Wayne. I thought you were starting work 322 00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:47,549 -on this site next week. -Yeah, I am. 323 00:16:47,633 --> 00:16:52,012 But I just wanted to stop by with someone who might be able to help you out today. 324 00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:54,348 Ah. My Uncle Tommy. 325 00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:55,682 Uncle Tommy can't work here. 326 00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:58,393 Oh, you don't have to call it work. This is all play to him. 327 00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,189 Have at it, Uncle T. 328 00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:03,607 Thanks, Wayne. 329 00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,696 Yeah, we can cancel that wrecking ball. 330 00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:12,324 Aw. It's like a whole new Uncle Tommy. Come here. 331 00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,743 -Oh! 332 00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:16,537 Damn it! Right in the balls! 333 00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:18,372 What is wrong with you, boy? 334 00:17:21,834 --> 00:17:22,918 -Nope. -No, no, no. 335 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,336 -Crystalynn, no. -Don't shut the door. 336 00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:26,713 We came to say that we're sorry. 337 00:17:28,382 --> 00:17:31,343 I would like... 338 00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:34,263 to apologize to you. 339 00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:35,848 And we even brought you a little gift. 340 00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:39,643 I'd sooner unwrap an Edible Arrangement from the Unabomber. 341 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:40,727 You do it. 342 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:48,151 A "What Happens at Grandmaw's Stays at Grandmaw's" onesie. 343 00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:51,446 Aw... 344 00:17:52,698 --> 00:17:54,491 Baby, I'm so sorry. 345 00:17:54,575 --> 00:17:57,494 I'm sorry, too. This feels so good. 346 00:17:57,578 --> 00:18:00,581 Oh, y'all, please come in for a minute. 347 00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:03,333 Really? Are you sure? 348 00:18:03,417 --> 00:18:05,294 Betty, I am. 349 00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:10,924 Everybody, this is my good friend Betty Hart 350 00:18:11,008 --> 00:18:14,344 and her gorgeous daughter Jenny Hart. 351 00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:16,889 Now y'all come here and meet my grandangel, 352 00:18:16,972 --> 00:18:19,600 Tristen Poole Henderson. 353 00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:21,768 I could eat him. 354 00:18:21,852 --> 00:18:23,478 Aw, me, too. Eat him up. 355 00:18:23,562 --> 00:18:26,690 I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna eat him. 356 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,025 Ooh, I'll get it. 357 00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:30,944 -Oh! Smell his head. 358 00:18:31,028 --> 00:18:33,238 Oh, heaven. 359 00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:35,616 Sheer heaven. 360 00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:38,202 Oh... yes. 361 00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:41,955 I think Baby Tristen Poole Henderson 362 00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:46,001 just got his first lesson in forgiveness. 363 00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:47,628 Aw... 364 00:18:56,762 --> 00:18:58,889 Vi, I'm sorry for how out of hand we got. 365 00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:02,226 We're-we're done with all that and we apologized to Crystalynn. 366 00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:06,396 Well, if you did do that, then I'm proud of you, Mom. 367 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,857 Thank you for helping us come to our senses. 368 00:19:08,941 --> 00:19:11,235 So glad we finally squashed that beef. 369 00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:15,656 Maybe you squashed it, but I marinated it and doused it in ketchup. 370 00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:18,534 And then I threw it to a wolf and then I hunted that wolf 371 00:19:18,617 --> 00:19:20,369 and then I skinned it and ate it raw. 372 00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:23,080 Mother, what are you talking about? 373 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,461 The second I found out it was Crystalynn 374 00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:33,048 who yelled "trash twins," I knew it was revenge time. 375 00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:36,009 And I knew I had to go "nucular." 376 00:19:36,093 --> 00:19:39,054 Phase one, stash refuse under Violet's old kiddie pool, 377 00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:41,849 including one overripe picnic watermelon. 378 00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:45,853 Phase two, prop the Crystalynn head piñata against Violet's easel. 379 00:19:45,936 --> 00:19:48,105 I knew she'd see it and confront you, Jenny. 380 00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:51,275 I call this technique Activating the Child. 381 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,402 And you fell right in line, Vi. 382 00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:56,780 Soon as Violet's preteen ire burned your butt like a laser, Jenny, 383 00:19:56,864 --> 00:19:59,241 phase three was in motion, for I needed you 384 00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:01,285 to gain us entrée into Crystalynn's 385 00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:04,538 with a sincere apology, which you did beautifully. 386 00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:06,373 You were so high on your precious forgiveness 387 00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:08,292 that you didn't even notice 388 00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,919 the watermelon under my loosest peasant-cut blouse 389 00:20:11,003 --> 00:20:13,088 or the bundle of stinky trash in my tote. 390 00:20:13,172 --> 00:20:15,799 And the Hollywood-style waterworks? 391 00:20:15,883 --> 00:20:17,593 Ha, I'm just that good. 392 00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:19,928 Watch and learn, Myrtle Streebs. 393 00:20:27,311 --> 00:20:30,480 Once we were in, I knew I had to act fast. 394 00:20:37,196 --> 00:20:39,072 Oh, I'll get it. 395 00:20:39,156 --> 00:20:40,991 And I knew all the head huffing 396 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:44,203 would cause Tristen Poole Henderson to lose his paci, 397 00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:45,954 giving me the perfect opportunity 398 00:20:46,038 --> 00:20:49,875 to slide that rotten watermelon right under his crib. 399 00:20:50,709 --> 00:20:52,711 And if my calculations are correct, 400 00:20:53,212 --> 00:20:58,842 Crystalynn's sip and see flymageddon is starting right about... now. 401 00:20:58,926 --> 00:21:00,677 Get the baby! 402 00:21:00,761 --> 00:21:04,014 Get Tristen Poole Henderson! 403 00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:07,226 That is... wow. 404 00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:09,436 -That's pretty fantastic. -Really, Violet? 405 00:21:10,020 --> 00:21:12,773 That is the epitome of childish, trashy behavior. 406 00:21:12,856 --> 00:21:15,567 But Gram elevated it to an art form. 407 00:21:15,651 --> 00:21:18,946 What happens at Grandmaw's stays at Grandmaw's. 408 00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:20,906 Yahtzee! 31222

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