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1
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:07,466
Mm, mm, mm. Look at those two, y'all.
2
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,511
Ew.
Yeah. Ew.
3
00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:11,929
Are his nips pierced?
4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:15,516
Ugh. Look at his girlfriend,
Miss Tube-Top Tube-Bottom.
5
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:17,017
Everyone knows you can't do tube on tube.
6
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:21,313
Excuse me, Judge Judy and Judge Joe Brown,
aren't you two barefoot?
7
00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:22,397
What?
8
00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:23,941
Our shoes are right here.
9
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:27,277
We just came from Fancy Nails,
aka the classiest place in town.
10
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:30,113
Although, Mother,
you could be a little more on the down-low
11
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,491
when you pump squirt cheese
into your Jumbo Chugger.
12
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:35,827
You're saying that while you're elbow deep
in a Splenda caddy?
13
00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:37,579
Violet, this isn't low class.
14
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:40,958
When something is complimentary,
it is actually tacky not to take it.
15
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,335
They will expire,
and people will get sick.
16
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:44,920
Is that what you want, Violet?
17
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:48,465
Oh, damn.
Here comes that righteous little witch,
18
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,384
Crystalynn Poole.
19
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,594
Crystalynn is a perfectly nice person.
20
00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:55,222
That's what she wants you to think.
21
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,266
Oh, no. Here comes a nice-off.
22
00:00:57,641 --> 00:00:59,268
Ugh. Not in the mood.
23
00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:04,982
Oh! Hi, Crystalynn.
24
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:09,486
Betty. Oh, my word,
it is so good to see you.
25
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,906
Just looking younger and younger
with each passing day.
26
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:15,868
Crystalynn, I just love your perm.
27
00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,411
Thank you.
28
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:21,540
Isn't it so wonderful
that the Lord brought us together today?
29
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,500
Praise Him.
30
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:29,882
Well, I got to go get my
baby boy-themed party supplies
31
00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:32,968
for my grandangel's sip and see.
Y'all take care now.
32
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,845
You, too, Crystalynn.
33
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:36,763
Did you hear that lady-turd?
34
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,223
Ugh. Stop it!
35
00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:42,227
What is a sip and see anyway?
36
00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:46,064
It's a party where phony-butt
hoity-toities stand around
37
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,650
drinking mimosas and cooing over
whatever plopped out
38
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,068
of their daughter's baby crater.
39
00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:51,195
Oh, Mother.
40
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,572
My favorite thing about you
is how you support other women.
41
00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:58,452
Take a shower, trash twins!
42
00:01:58,535 --> 00:01:59,661
What the freak!
43
00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:02,372
Oh, I'm gonna take a shower, all right.
44
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:06,168
In somebody's blood!
45
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:40,035
My friggin' pedicure's
got a Gatorade lid stuck to it.
46
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:44,289
Hell no. Not today, Satan.
That had to be Crystalynn.
47
00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:47,292
Ugh. We just saw her.
And she was totally sweet.
48
00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:49,545
Like a deceitful gummy candy.
49
00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:52,047
She starts sweet so she can go sour.
50
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:53,757
It's all part of her grift.
51
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:56,552
Whatever, Mother.
I'm gonna go home and clean up.
52
00:02:56,635 --> 00:03:02,099
She thinks she's playing the long game,
but I'm about to scream "Yahtzee!"
53
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:07,020
Oh, my God, Jenny.
You smell like dumpster water.
54
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:10,607
-Whoo! I'm just gonna crack a window.
55
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:12,568
Hey!
56
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,489
Oh, my God. It's Uncle Tommy.
57
00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:19,408
Whoa!
58
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:24,830
Wait, that child with the cast
on his arm is your uncle?
59
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,123
How old is he?
60
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,333
Ten. He's my meemaw's youngest.
61
00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:31,253
Meemaw was getting busy deep into her 40s,
62
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,505
and having babies at the same time
as my mama and her sisters.
63
00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:35,424
Meemaw's a real party girl.
64
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,801
So it always kind of falls on me
to keep him out of trouble.
65
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:38,927
Hey!
66
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,264
Stop that this instant, Uncle Tommy!
67
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:45,267
Nephew Wayne!
68
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:48,270
I need to grab him
until Meemaw wears herself out.
69
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:49,855
Uncle Tommy.
70
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,481
Get your ass over here.
71
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,358
Uncle Tommy, come over here, hon.
72
00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:55,903
-What is he doing?
73
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,154
Oh, Lord, he's slicking up.
74
00:03:58,197 --> 00:03:59,823
I can't get ahold of him.
75
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,992
-He's too damn buttery.
76
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,788
-Jenny, throw me that tarp.
77
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,249
Ah!
78
00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:14,838
-So he's okay under there?
79
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,592
There you go, he...
he likes to be swaddled.
80
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,594
Oh, my God. We caught a real-life Nell.
81
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,930
-You know what?
82
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:25,849
I think I know where
to take Uncle Tommy to tame him.
83
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,894
He needs to go to church.
And not just any church.
84
00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:39,154
Uncle Tommy, I was a lot like you.
85
00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:42,491
And this place really turned me around...
Stop squirming.
86
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:43,909
And stop licking me.
87
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,870
Damn it, whose dog is this?
88
00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:52,209
Uncle Tommy!
89
00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:59,800
So...
what did this person call y'all again?
90
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:00,968
Trash twins.
91
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:03,220
Which, I believe, is a federal crime.
92
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,097
Well, no, it is not.
93
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:08,642
And I don't know why anyone
would call y'all trash twins.
94
00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:12,062
When I got you both
over here slathering up
95
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,356
with about a gallon of free hand lotion.
96
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:17,609
Or digging out a panty bite
and then touching
97
00:05:17,693 --> 00:05:21,363
no fewer than nine peaches
with that same hand.
98
00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:25,492
Okay, right-right there! Freeze!
99
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,035
Oh, hell no.
100
00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:30,080
Crystal Lynn!
101
00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:34,084
They called you what?
102
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:36,712
-It's okay. Take it easy.
-I won't.
103
00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:39,464
You're the classiest girl I know,
gosh dang it.
104
00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:42,509
Do-do-do-do. Look at you two.
105
00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:44,720
Just chatting by the garbage.
106
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:47,472
Well, when you're finished
with your little dumpster chat,
107
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:48,891
you go ahead and clock out.
108
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,726
I'm heading out early.
109
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:53,353
Got a dinner date with my sweet Daniel.
110
00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:55,898
He likes me to order
and then get his stuff to go.
111
00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:59,067
He's so silly. He's a businessman.
112
00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:03,071
Two! She said two.
How many are twins? Two.
113
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:05,991
What do you put in the dumpster?
Trash. Trash twins!
114
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:09,870
-It's Louise!
-Oh, cool your jets. It wasn't Louise.
115
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:11,955
She doesn't even shop at Mega Lo Mart.
116
00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,666
Brenda, where'd you get that brick?
117
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:16,210
My purse.
118
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,966
Jenny, shug, why so down?
119
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:26,053
Someone drove by me and Mother
in the Mega Lo Mart parking lot
120
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:27,804
and called us trash twins.
121
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:31,308
-What? That's ridiculous.
-Right?
122
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,352
But you had just come from Fancy Nails,
123
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:35,062
-so were you...
-We were barefoot, yeah.
124
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,480
-Oh.
-What?
125
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,483
So you were barefoot. In a Mega Lo Mart.
126
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:42,569
-Yes. And the parking lot.
-Mm-hmm.
127
00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:46,240
Well, if Betty wants to retaliate,
you should definitely try and rise above.
128
00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:49,034
An eye for an eye
just makes everyone blind.
129
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:54,790
You didn't, like, go into the bathroom
while you were barefoot, did you?
130
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,333
Sorry, what?
131
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,293
Oh, nothing. Never mind.
132
00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:01,547
Good gravy, the floor in there.
133
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:04,675
Maybe I have gotten a little too casual.
134
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,635
You know, in fact,
I'm gonna clean myself up.
135
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:09,346
I'm gonna wear more skirt suits
and-and read more
136
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,390
and watch documentaries, you know?
137
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:14,685
I'm not trash. And Mother
is not doing some trashy revenge.
138
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:15,894
The end.
139
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:24,945
What's happening?
140
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:28,699
Oh, I'm just watching
a documentary about jazz,
141
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,285
i.e., killing two classy birds
with one classy stone.
142
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,287
And are you really drinking hot tea?
143
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:37,875
Yes. It's... wonderful.
It's hot, unsweetened tea.
144
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,793
Mmm. Earthy.
145
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,881
Now I'm going to write a British poem.
146
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,007
Say a theme.
147
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,176
-Craziness?
-"Craziness."
148
00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:51,263
British insanity.
149
00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:55,100
What rhymes with "insanity"?
150
00:07:55,184 --> 00:07:57,477
In-fam-ility.
151
00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,271
You know what?
152
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:01,023
I think I'm just gonna focus
on my documentary.
153
00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,191
I'm almost done.
154
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:07,654
Oh, goody, it has 36 more parts.
155
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:10,574
Okay, Mom. I like what
you are attempting to do here.
156
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,285
It's a little unsettling,
but at least you're not yelling
157
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,662
in the Mega Lo Mart whilst barefoot.
158
00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:16,747
"Whilst."
159
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,582
Oh, that's an excellent word
for my British poem.
160
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:20,459
Read 'em and weep.
161
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,628
Told. You. Y'all.
162
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,048
The mouth that yelled "trash twins."
163
00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,341
Not gonna lose it.
164
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:30,469
I'm just gonna stay classy
and finish my elegant poem.
165
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,095
Whilst...
166
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,305
Whilst...
167
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,934
Whilst I tear that
holy-rolling frizz noggin'
168
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,061
A new pew hole!
169
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:47,528
Crystalynn, you two-faced Judas.
Oh, that just burns me up.
170
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,322
She thinks she is so much better than us.
171
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,659
Well, well, well.
172
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:57,412
Look who just checked in
at the Golden Trough Buffet.
173
00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:01,333
You better hit that baked potato
bar hard and fast, Crystalynn,
174
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,460
'cause you're about to lose your appetite.
175
00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:04,878
There she is.
176
00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:07,506
Now, Mother, let's not climb
directly into the mud here.
177
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:10,676
If we're gonna do this,
I think we should do it classy.
178
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,427
Right? Let's kill her with kindness.
179
00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:14,179
Fine, we'll do it your way.
180
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:17,599
Garbage water!
181
00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:19,935
I don't know why in the hell
people drink unsweetened tea.
182
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:27,359
Reverend Ace, I want to thank you so much
183
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:30,445
for taking the time
to talk to me and my Uncle Tommy.
184
00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:32,489
Whoa, whoa. That kid's your uncle?
185
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,074
Yep.
-That's crazy.
186
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,410
How old is he? Seven, eight?
187
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:37,703
Yeah, he's ten.
188
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:39,913
But he's got the criminal mind
of a 20-year-old.
189
00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:41,832
-I think he needs guidance, you know,
190
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,500
a place where he fits in.
191
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:46,044
You brought this young man
to the right gym church.
192
00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:49,464
He's a perfect fit
for our Little Lifters program.
193
00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:51,550
Praise him!
194
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,260
Whoo! Look at 'em go!
195
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:55,095
You wouldn't believe it
to look at 'em now,
196
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:57,973
but them sweet muscular
little boys used to be
197
00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,934
a gang of unholy butts.
Don't worry, Wayne.
198
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:04,479
I'll have your Uncle Tommy
spiritually ripped in no time.
199
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:06,523
-No, whoa, Tommy, no, no, whoa!
200
00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:08,817
That's not a phone book, brother.
That's a Bible.
201
00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:11,445
We only tear through those with our eyes.
202
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:14,281
Ladies and gentlemen,
203
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,867
beloved members of our congregation,
204
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:21,872
please welcome to the altar Reverend Ace!
205
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:29,963
Listen up, folks! I used to be a bad seed,
a hard-core drugger.
206
00:10:30,047 --> 00:10:32,758
Even got arrested for putting
a cop in a headlock.
207
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:36,678
Lucky for me, there was one dude
I couldn't put in a headlock,
208
00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:38,555
'cause of his thorny crown.
209
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:40,849
Yep. I'm talking about Jesus.
210
00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:44,811
Now, instead of bending the law,
I bend to the power of his word!
211
00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:49,358
Aw, yeah.
212
00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:55,030
Through the power of Christ
and a low-fat, protein-rich diet,
213
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:58,242
-I rip through sin!
214
00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,701
-Temptation!
215
00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:01,912
And the "C" word.
216
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:08,377
So in the name of the Father,
the Son, and the Swolly Ghost!
217
00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:10,212
Amen!
218
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:21,557
Crazy on you
219
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:25,185
Crazy on you
220
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,271
Let me go crazy
221
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:30,524
Crazy on you
222
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,985
Oh
223
00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:35,612
Oh, hey, Crystalynn.
224
00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:38,949
Look at you, all done up and pretty.
225
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:42,619
Ugh, your face looks like
lipstick on an old man fist.
226
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,955
Betty and Jenny.
227
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:48,792
Oh, my word, you look so cute as always.
228
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:51,795
Your smile just lights up a room.
229
00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:54,256
Uh, invest in some Whitestrips.
230
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:57,384
And also a mirror, corn teeth.
231
00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:00,429
Ooh, I like your statement necklace.
232
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:02,639
Do you wear that Lucifer dog collar
233
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:05,184
when you're out
sniffing other dogs' butts?
234
00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:08,478
Don't you just love
this Golden Trough buffet?
235
00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:11,356
You two dumpster possums
can't afford to eat out.
236
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,817
What'd you do?
Sell your hair or something?
237
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,694
The weirdest thing happened
after we saw you
238
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:18,030
at Mega Lo Mart the other day.
239
00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:21,950
When we exited,
some so-and-so drove by and catcalled us.
240
00:12:22,034 --> 00:12:23,493
That's right, I'm in this, too,
241
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:26,079
and we know what you did,
poodle-headed snizz face.
242
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,373
Uh... uh...
243
00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:32,503
Well, I got to get back
to doing the Lord's work.
244
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,546
Y'all enjoy your lunch.
245
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,427
-Whoa! Whoa!
-I came as fast as I could.
246
00:12:40,511 --> 00:12:42,596
-What's going on?
-I'm sorry, Wayne.
247
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:46,016
I did my best,
but Uncle Tommy has got to go.
248
00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:50,562
I thought
you could fix him, Reverend Ace.
249
00:12:50,646 --> 00:12:51,980
He started out destroying
250
00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:54,149
all the right stuff
in the name of the Lord,
251
00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:57,152
but then he just moved on over
to the employee kitchenette,
252
00:12:57,236 --> 00:12:58,987
started busting up things in there!
253
00:12:59,071 --> 00:13:00,572
-No, Uncle Tommy!
254
00:13:00,656 --> 00:13:03,534
That stationary bike is supposed
to stay stationary.
255
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:06,745
Oh! Man, that felt so good.
256
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:10,582
That two-faced hussy got the taste
knocked out of both her mouths.
257
00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:15,087
Oh, you two don't need to pay.
Crystalynn bought both your dinners.
258
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:18,340
She said y'all are usually
struggling with money stuff,
259
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:21,134
and she wanted to help the needy.
Isn't she sweet?
260
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,387
The sweetest.
261
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,850
Okay. I'm ready to mud-wrestle.
262
00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:35,232
My perm!
263
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:45,284
Don't forget to get a big old scoop
of my baked mac and cheese.
264
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,871
Oh, my Lord! So detailed.
265
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:09,016
I'll see your porch skunk
and raise you an erotic topiary.
266
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,226
Enjoy your lawn wiener, y'all!
267
00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:14,313
-You guys having a good time?
268
00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:16,190
What are you doing standing in
the kitchen with the lights off?
269
00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:19,276
Mm, what am I? I don't know.
270
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,778
Maybe I'm just waiting
for you two to grow up, I guess.
271
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:24,281
You know, it's all around town,
what you guys are doing.
272
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,325
Baby, it's called justice.
273
00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,827
Violet, when you become an adult,
you'll see
274
00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:31,413
that this is how grown-ups work
out problems with each other.
275
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:34,416
Stupid gross pranks? R-rated topiaries?
276
00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:36,835
-That's how adults communicate?
-Sure is.
277
00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,254
And what were you gonna do with this?
278
00:14:39,338 --> 00:14:42,049
Put it in her bed like
The Godfather horse head
279
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:43,675
to send a message.
280
00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:45,093
What's the message?
281
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,096
That she's trash.
282
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:51,350
Mom, you know I go to school
with Crystalynn's granddaughter.
283
00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:53,101
Oh. Right.
284
00:14:53,185 --> 00:14:56,146
And you're just... Ugh.
You're embarrassing me.
285
00:14:56,230 --> 00:14:59,399
-What?
-You are embarrassing.
286
00:15:05,531 --> 00:15:06,740
How's Violet?
287
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:09,576
I don't know.
She left for school before I saw her.
288
00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:11,703
-I... I feel so bad.
-Yeah, me, too.
289
00:15:11,787 --> 00:15:13,539
I feel awful.
290
00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:16,166
Which is why it's gonna take
every ounce of strength I have
291
00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:18,794
to pick up that phone
and order a stripper cop
292
00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:21,046
over to Crystalynn's
grandangel's sip and see.
293
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,006
Ugh. No, Mother.
294
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:26,218
But you know what?
We are going over there.
295
00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:28,136
To apologize.
296
00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:30,722
We need to put this feud to rest
because we are grown adults
297
00:15:30,806 --> 00:15:32,349
and we are better than this.
298
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,227
And I don't want Violet
to be embarrassed of me.
299
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:38,021
Fine. I'll go over there,
but if she so much as breathes
300
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,983
the wrong way, her sip and see's
gonna get a visit
301
00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:44,152
from the "Long Weiner of the Law."
302
00:15:44,236 --> 00:15:47,447
All right, Uncle Tommy.
I'm taking you back to Meemaw.
303
00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:50,534
Hopefully she's not drunk
under a pool table by now.
304
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,916
Oh, she's working here?
305
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,419
Hey, shug. Everything okay?
306
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:04,131
Oh, sweet pea.
307
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,717
I bet you thought
I was drinking here, didn't you?
308
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,511
Nah. Well, yeah.
309
00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,930
Took this as a second job
about a month ago.
310
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:14,349
It costs a lot of money to feed
and clothe all the critters
311
00:16:14,433 --> 00:16:15,976
I got running around my house.
312
00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:18,270
Plus, I'm saving up
for this year's Shred Fest,
313
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:21,523
featuring Rob Zombie, The Cult
and a meet and greet with Korn.
314
00:16:21,607 --> 00:16:23,901
Get in here and give me a hug.
315
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:26,361
-I got your back. I love you, Meemaw.
316
00:16:26,445 --> 00:16:30,449
Aw. Love you, too, baby.
Now let me get y'all something to eat.
317
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:33,785
I really owe you for spending so much time
with my little wrecking ball.
318
00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:36,121
Wrecking ball. He sure is.
319
00:16:37,331 --> 00:16:38,665
You know what, Meemaw?
320
00:16:38,749 --> 00:16:41,293
You mind if I kept him
for just a few more hours?
321
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,380
Hey, Wayne.
I thought you were starting work
322
00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:47,549
-on this site next week.
-Yeah, I am.
323
00:16:47,633 --> 00:16:52,012
But I just wanted to stop by with someone
who might be able to help you out today.
324
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:54,348
Ah. My Uncle Tommy.
325
00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:55,682
Uncle Tommy can't work here.
326
00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:58,393
Oh, you don't have to call it work.
This is all play to him.
327
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,189
Have at it, Uncle T.
328
00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:03,607
Thanks, Wayne.
329
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,696
Yeah, we can cancel that wrecking ball.
330
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:12,324
Aw. It's like a whole new Uncle Tommy.
Come here.
331
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,743
-Oh!
332
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:16,537
Damn it! Right in the balls!
333
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:18,372
What is wrong with you, boy?
334
00:17:21,834 --> 00:17:22,918
-Nope.
-No, no, no.
335
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,336
-Crystalynn, no.
-Don't shut the door.
336
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:26,713
We came to say that we're sorry.
337
00:17:28,382 --> 00:17:31,343
I would like...
338
00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:34,263
to apologize to you.
339
00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:35,848
And we even brought you a little gift.
340
00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:39,643
I'd sooner unwrap an Edible
Arrangement from the Unabomber.
341
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:40,727
You do it.
342
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:48,151
A "What Happens at Grandmaw's
Stays at Grandmaw's" onesie.
343
00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:51,446
Aw...
344
00:17:52,698 --> 00:17:54,491
Baby, I'm so sorry.
345
00:17:54,575 --> 00:17:57,494
I'm sorry, too. This feels so good.
346
00:17:57,578 --> 00:18:00,581
Oh, y'all, please come in for a minute.
347
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:03,333
Really? Are you sure?
348
00:18:03,417 --> 00:18:05,294
Betty, I am.
349
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:10,924
Everybody,
this is my good friend Betty Hart
350
00:18:11,008 --> 00:18:14,344
and her gorgeous daughter Jenny Hart.
351
00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:16,889
Now y'all come here
and meet my grandangel,
352
00:18:16,972 --> 00:18:19,600
Tristen Poole Henderson.
353
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:21,768
I could eat him.
354
00:18:21,852 --> 00:18:23,478
Aw, me, too. Eat him up.
355
00:18:23,562 --> 00:18:26,690
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna eat him.
356
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,025
Ooh, I'll get it.
357
00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:30,944
-Oh! Smell his head.
358
00:18:31,028 --> 00:18:33,238
Oh, heaven.
359
00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:35,616
Sheer heaven.
360
00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:38,202
Oh... yes.
361
00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:41,955
I think Baby Tristen Poole Henderson
362
00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:46,001
just got his first lesson in forgiveness.
363
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:47,628
Aw...
364
00:18:56,762 --> 00:18:58,889
Vi, I'm sorry for how out of hand we got.
365
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:02,226
We're-we're done with all that
and we apologized to Crystalynn.
366
00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:06,396
Well, if you did do that,
then I'm proud of you, Mom.
367
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,857
Thank you for helping us
come to our senses.
368
00:19:08,941 --> 00:19:11,235
So glad we finally squashed that beef.
369
00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:15,656
Maybe you squashed it, but I marinated it
and doused it in ketchup.
370
00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:18,534
And then I threw it to a wolf
and then I hunted that wolf
371
00:19:18,617 --> 00:19:20,369
and then I skinned it and ate it raw.
372
00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:23,080
Mother, what are you talking about?
373
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,461
The second I found out it was Crystalynn
374
00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:33,048
who yelled "trash twins,"
I knew it was revenge time.
375
00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:36,009
And I knew I had to go "nucular."
376
00:19:36,093 --> 00:19:39,054
Phase one, stash refuse
under Violet's old kiddie pool,
377
00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:41,849
including one overripe picnic watermelon.
378
00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:45,853
Phase two, prop the Crystalynn head piñata
against Violet's easel.
379
00:19:45,936 --> 00:19:48,105
I knew she'd see it
and confront you, Jenny.
380
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:51,275
I call this technique
Activating the Child.
381
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,402
And you fell right in line, Vi.
382
00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:56,780
Soon as Violet's preteen ire
burned your butt like a laser, Jenny,
383
00:19:56,864 --> 00:19:59,241
phase three was in motion,
for I needed you
384
00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:01,285
to gain us entrée into Crystalynn's
385
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:04,538
with a sincere apology,
which you did beautifully.
386
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:06,373
You were so high
on your precious forgiveness
387
00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:08,292
that you didn't even notice
388
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,919
the watermelon under my loosest
peasant-cut blouse
389
00:20:11,003 --> 00:20:13,088
or the bundle of stinky trash in my tote.
390
00:20:13,172 --> 00:20:15,799
And the Hollywood-style waterworks?
391
00:20:15,883 --> 00:20:17,593
Ha, I'm just that good.
392
00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:19,928
Watch and learn, Myrtle Streebs.
393
00:20:27,311 --> 00:20:30,480
Once we were in, I knew I had to act fast.
394
00:20:37,196 --> 00:20:39,072
Oh, I'll get it.
395
00:20:39,156 --> 00:20:40,991
And I knew all the head huffing
396
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:44,203
would cause Tristen Poole
Henderson to lose his paci,
397
00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:45,954
giving me the perfect opportunity
398
00:20:46,038 --> 00:20:49,875
to slide that rotten watermelon
right under his crib.
399
00:20:50,709 --> 00:20:52,711
And if my calculations are correct,
400
00:20:53,212 --> 00:20:58,842
Crystalynn's sip and see flymageddon
is starting right about... now.
401
00:20:58,926 --> 00:21:00,677
Get the baby!
402
00:21:00,761 --> 00:21:04,014
Get Tristen Poole Henderson!
403
00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:07,226
That is... wow.
404
00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:09,436
-That's pretty fantastic.
-Really, Violet?
405
00:21:10,020 --> 00:21:12,773
That is the epitome
of childish, trashy behavior.
406
00:21:12,856 --> 00:21:15,567
But Gram elevated it to an art form.
407
00:21:15,651 --> 00:21:18,946
What happens at Grandmaw's
stays at Grandmaw's.
408
00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:20,906
Yahtzee!
31222
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