Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:06,089
Can't ever remember how many clicks
2
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:08,842
through fuzz it takes
to get to the channel.
3
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,178
-I want to say eight clicks.
-It's eight.
4
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,763
Mother, if you're gonna
keep sitting out there,
5
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,139
-don't chime in.
Wayne,
6
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,599
can you get me some more wine?
7
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:16,975
Sure thing, Betty.
8
00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:18,685
Wayne, do not get her that wine.
9
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,812
You do not work for her.
Mother, if you want some wine,
10
00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:21,897
-you can come in and get it.
-I will not come in.
11
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,065
I just got settled out here
12
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:24,650
-under the lanai.
-Mother!
13
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:27,402
What?
I can't hear you 'cause I'm outside.
14
00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:30,864
Just gonna set it here like a,
like a pie cooling.
15
00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:32,950
Don't you hand her that wine.
16
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,077
Damn you to hell, girl.
17
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:36,537
Hi, MayKay Bueller here.
18
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:38,580
I am supposed to be on vocal rest,
19
00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:42,042
but my station in life
is to serve Greenpoint.
20
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,336
There is some brewing controversy
21
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:47,130
revolving around
the Morris Culpepper statue.
22
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:50,384
Some people are asking,
"Does it glorify tobacco,
23
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,553
"or is it part of our heritage?"
24
00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:57,975
Other people are asking,
"Should it stay,or should it go?"
25
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,726
Smoking causes cancer!
26
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:02,312
Remove that statue, ban it, sir!
27
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,689
Statue stays!
28
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:06,191
That statue needs to come down,
like, yesterday.
29
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:09,027
Jenny, a lot of people have
strong feelings about that statue.
30
00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:10,654
They think it's part of our history,
31
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,657
like the Wright brothers
or Fantasia Barrino.
32
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,701
Maybe so, but smoking is not something
33
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:18,453
we should be celebrating,
statue or otherwise.
34
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,789
I'm just saying,
people get awfully riled up
35
00:01:20,873 --> 00:01:22,249
about these things.
36
00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:24,501
Maybe it's best to let sleeping dogs lie.
37
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:25,878
Wayne's right, y'all.
38
00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:27,504
We should let that statue alone.
39
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,891
Damn it to hellfire!
40
00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:12,090
You guys, I've been
reading up on Morris Culpepper.
41
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:14,635
He was insane in all the funnest ways.
42
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:17,304
He clearly went crazy
with all his tobacco money.
43
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,223
He invented a knife for babies.
44
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,266
Stop.
He founded a sperm bank
45
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:22,809
-with only his sperm.
Girl.
46
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:25,896
He had his hip replaced
with Liza Minelli's old hip.
47
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,606
Love!
Whoa.
48
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,691
He even tried to start a Smoking Olympics.
49
00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:33,237
And the footnote says
19 people almost drowned,
50
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,197
but then later died of cancer.
51
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,074
Wait. What?
52
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:40,953
It says here Morris Culpepper
dated Miss Teen Tobacco Leaf,
53
00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:43,038
Betty June Bryant?
54
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,291
-Mother?
-Betty?
55
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,419
Yes, it is true, y'all.
56
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,214
Morris and I had a brief dalliance.
57
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,466
The year was 1983,
58
00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:59,638
and a 17-year-old beauty queen was
discoveredby one Morris Culpepper.
59
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,139
Hello.
60
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:02,599
I'm Morris.
61
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:06,687
We had a whirlwind romance.
62
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:09,523
-Fast cars,
63
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:12,067
romantic evenings.
64
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,153
He even took me on a factory tour.
65
00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:24,371
I was gonna Anna Nicole Smith him
and lovingly inherit his millions,
66
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:26,748
but then things took a tragic turn.
67
00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:28,208
Oh, no.
68
00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:30,085
-He died?
-I wish.
69
00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:34,047
No, the tragedy was when
I realized I was gonna have
70
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:38,051
to be with him in the biblical way,
and I just couldn't do it.
71
00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:42,556
It's my tragic flaw. I just cannot do it
72
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,600
with a rich older guy for the money!
73
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,980
In the end, a younger woman swooped in
74
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,732
-and did what I could not.
75
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,317
Marjune Gamble.
76
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,736
She swooped in the second I dumped him.
77
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:59,323
And when Morris finally died at age 105,
78
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,700
then weirdly came back to life
four days later,
79
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,912
then finally, finally died
at the age of 118,
80
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:08,165
Marjune inherited everything he owned.
81
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,584
That bitch. Is she still alive?
82
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,669
Because if so, she is dead to me.
83
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:16,006
No one's seen her in years.
She's a recluse.
84
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,383
Y'all, I should've been that rich recluse!
85
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,599
Well, that was not as dramatic
as I had hoped.
86
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,601
We have got to find Marjune Culpepper.
87
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,437
Can you smell it?
88
00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:32,022
A major Grey Gardens situation.
89
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,524
What's a Grey Gardens?
90
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,692
It's a documentary about a crazy old lady
91
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,529
and her unmarried daughter
living in squalor.
92
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:39,947
I think I'm good.
93
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,949
Yeah, I think I can skip that one.
94
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,539
So what do y'all think about all
this Culpepper statue business?
95
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,374
I haven't seen this much hubbub
96
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,543
since they put up
that gender-neutral gazebo.
97
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,045
Oh, Lord, I know. It's a mess out there!
98
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,714
As far as I'm concerned,
they can melt that statue down
99
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,300
and use it to fix the guardrail
on Culpepper Slims Boulevard.
100
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:12,604
...is... what I heard
one... stupid lady say.
101
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:15,899
As I threw her out
on her tobacco-hating rear end!
102
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,985
You did not!
103
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,279
That's my girl!
104
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:22,531
Welcome to the right side of history.
105
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,743
Whoo-hoo.
106
00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:33,375
Ugh. I feel gross.
107
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,043
Aw, Jenny. What happened?
108
00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:37,421
I lied to a customer
and said I was pro-statue
109
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,840
and pro-tobacco in order to land a tip.
110
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:43,177
I mean, look, I hate that statue
and everything it stands for.
111
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:44,678
I know. Me too!
112
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,306
Smoking took
three of my four great-uncles.
113
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:51,143
But I learned a long time ago,
when it comes to important issues,
114
00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:53,270
never take a side.
115
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:57,024
But... Take a look at what happens
when you agree with people.
116
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:59,568
Oh, my Lord, Jenny.
Are you kidding me right now?
117
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,028
Look at all those Washingtons.
118
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:03,739
Taking a side really pays well.
119
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,616
Yeah, but it feels awful.
120
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:10,287
Well, don't be too hard on yourself.
You are keeping the peace.
121
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:13,081
Yeah. Guess you could say I'm kind of a...
122
00:06:13,165 --> 00:06:15,459
Paid ambassador.
123
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,794
But, you know, you don't think maybe
124
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:20,088
I should just give
all this money to charity?
125
00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:22,132
Yeah, but look around.
126
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:23,967
If we were to give that money to charity,
127
00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:27,387
they'd probably just turn around
and give it right back to us.
128
00:06:27,471 --> 00:06:30,516
That's true. We would just be
eliminating the middleman.
129
00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:33,644
And we could really
fix things up around here.
130
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:38,857
And all this cashola sure would look good
in Violet's art school fund.
131
00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:41,276
Oh, my God, there's a Lincoln in here!
132
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:46,406
If taking a side pays this well,
taking both sides would pay double well.
133
00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:49,535
Hmm.
134
00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:51,286
Welcome to The Last Supper.
135
00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:54,414
Would you like to sit in the pro-statue
or anti-statue section?
136
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,628
History?
That statue wasn't put up till 2002!
137
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:02,256
I've got bras
that are more historical than that.
138
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,844
First they knock down our statues.
Where does it end?
139
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,555
Pretty soon they won't let
cartoon characters smoke on TV.
140
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:11,056
Ain't that the truth.
141
00:07:20,816 --> 00:07:23,735
I got bills to pay
and my home's a rental
142
00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:26,154
Dealing with a problem that's monumental
143
00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:29,449
Got to knead both sides if
you want to make some bread
144
00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:32,744
So take your opinions and stuff 'em down
145
00:07:32,828 --> 00:07:35,330
Print bumper stickers to sell in town
146
00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:39,459
Why take a stand when you can
take the cash instead?
147
00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,837
Working 4:00 to 10:00
148
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,464
Turning both sides against the middle
149
00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:46,425
Working 4:00 to 10:00
150
00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:48,343
Who cares if it's hypocritical
151
00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:50,304
Working 4:00 to 10:00
152
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:53,390
Late shift never felt so shifty
153
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,893
Working 4:00 to 10:00
154
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:59,438
But the cash is sort of nifty!
155
00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:03,984
-...61, 62.
156
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:05,986
-It's just so great.
-What?
157
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:07,571
Just how you're totally compromising
158
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,531
your moral integrity
and saying a bunch of stuff
159
00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:11,283
you don't believe just to make money.
160
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,784
Oh, here we go.
161
00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:15,370
Seriously, I'm jealous! I really am!
162
00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:18,123
But then I think, what would I do?
163
00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:21,376
And the answer is, ooh, boy. Not that.
164
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:24,213
Okay, you don't have to be smart about it.
165
00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:26,423
Doing the right thing sometimes hurts.
166
00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:28,091
Hurts so good.
167
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,427
Just like the John Cougar Mellencamp song.
168
00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:33,180
-I love that song.
-I know you do and you should.
169
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,432
The Cougs was really onto something.
170
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:39,102
Taking the easy way out isn't
always the best thing to do.
171
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,646
Stop. I already feel guilty enough.
172
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:43,065
I'm not trying to make you feel guilty.
Go nuts!
173
00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:44,525
But it is a little weird
174
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:46,568
that you bought those
600 thread count sheets
175
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:48,195
and still can't sleep at night.
176
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:50,155
Wonder what that's about.
177
00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:52,157
Okay, Jesus. I get it.
178
00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:53,992
Do you?
179
00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:55,827
So, back to the sheets.
180
00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,579
What do those suckers feel like?
181
00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:59,331
Because this, 20 count.
182
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,291
It used to hold grain.
183
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:08,465
Tell me, y'all,
is there a Mrs. Senator?
184
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,717
-Gram?
185
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,302
Don't sneak up on your grandmother
186
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,388
when she's thinking
about what could have been!
187
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:17,766
Well, we were hoping for a less
emotionally-charged moment
188
00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,560
to tell you this, but...
189
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:22,062
We found Marjune's address,
and we need you to take us there.
190
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:24,815
Hell, no. Why would I want
to go and meet the woman
191
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,567
who got everything I didn't?
192
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:30,070
Because we told you, Gram!
It's gonna be a Grey Gardens situation.
193
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,613
Guaranteed sadness.
194
00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:33,907
It'll be cathartic for you.
195
00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:37,911
Marjune Culpepper is a recluse.
A sad, widowed recluse.
196
00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:40,163
I prepared a presentation
of the spinster-esque horrors
197
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,456
you can expect to see.
198
00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:46,086
Like a single, unworn baby shoe
with a centipede crawling out of it.
199
00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:50,549
Marjune serving high tea
to a family of world-weary raccoons.
200
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,509
Followed by a mid-afternoon
201
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:55,512
widow's nap where she spoons
the fully-intact skeleton
202
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:57,055
of her dead handyman.
203
00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:59,057
And that's just the tip of the creep-berg.
204
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:02,728
Maybe it would be kind of nice
to see the lonely hole
205
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,022
that gold digger dug herself into.
206
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,440
-Yes!
-Yay!
207
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,066
But hand to God,
208
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:10,527
if she's not eating tuna salad
off a Frisbee plate
209
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:14,823
and wearing tissue-box shoes,
there is gonna be hell to pay, y'all.
210
00:10:22,915 --> 00:10:24,374
Yeah, I don't even see
what the big deal's all about!
211
00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:26,919
Good evening, everyone.
212
00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:28,378
Settle down.
213
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,088
Please. Settle down.
214
00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:32,382
Thank you all for coming tonight.
215
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:36,470
I called this emergency meeting
so we could have a safe place
216
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:38,972
to try to work through
this statue problem.
217
00:10:39,056 --> 00:10:40,432
Look at me!
218
00:10:40,516 --> 00:10:42,518
I'm the statue, babies!
219
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,102
Get out of here, Randy.
-No, Randy.
220
00:10:44,186 --> 00:10:45,729
-No, please. Not tonight.
221
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:49,233
But it's a carnival atmosphere, babies.
222
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:50,776
Randy!
Get out of here, Randy!
223
00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:55,489
Randy, you cannot do fire blowing in here.
I'm begging you.
224
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,533
Please, sit down.
225
00:10:57,616 --> 00:11:00,786
Now, I feel confident
that we are gonna be able
226
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:04,414
to solve this statue issue
peacefully tonight.
227
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,875
That statue needs to stay the hell up.
228
00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:10,170
If it were up to me,
I'd put more cigarettes on that thing.
229
00:11:10,254 --> 00:11:12,464
-As an exotic dancer,
230
00:11:12,548 --> 00:11:15,092
I inhale second-hand smoke all damn day.
231
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,718
Even when I'm on break!
232
00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:18,095
Yeah!
-And I hate it.
233
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:22,057
I think the statue should stay up.
234
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,852
-Thank you.
235
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,687
What? Really?
236
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,730
You got a hole in your throat.
237
00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:32,276
Oh, boy.
Sounds like we're pretty evenly divided.
238
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,611
How are we gonna settle this?
239
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:35,779
Hold on!
240
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,531
Our waitress at The Last Supper
241
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:40,200
just made some great points
about the statue.
242
00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:41,827
We should let her talk.
243
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,204
Oh, you mean Jenny? Oh, yeah.
244
00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:48,125
She has a real solid
moral stance on that statue.
245
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,127
-So refreshing.
246
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,838
Yeah. Jenny Hart
will settle this stalemate.
247
00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:56,133
Yeah, Jenny would never
let sleeping dogs lie.
248
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,844
No. Lord, Jenny, no. Remember the tips.
249
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:03,473
Jenny! Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!
250
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:05,434
Okay.
251
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:08,687
That statue. Right?
252
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:13,358
I mean, it's, it's so,
like, it's-it's there.
253
00:12:13,442 --> 00:12:15,110
You know what I mean.
Whenever you're in town
254
00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:16,778
in the back of your minds
you're just thinking,
255
00:12:16,862 --> 00:12:19,573
"That statue. It's there.
It's still there."
256
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:20,908
Yeah.
257
00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:22,159
And I'm mad-glad.
258
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:28,290
That statue is the whole reason I'm here,
and why I'm so sad-cited
259
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:32,961
for all the wrong reasons
to say that it should be noted
260
00:12:33,045 --> 00:12:36,548
-that in regards to the statue...
-Hmm?
261
00:12:36,632 --> 00:12:39,885
...there are very strong opinions
on both sides.
262
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,262
Too vague!
263
00:12:42,346 --> 00:12:43,388
Be specific!
264
00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:44,932
You got my head spinning!
265
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,808
Well, we've all heard a lot of, uh,
266
00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:50,020
specific people say,
uh, a lot of specific things,
267
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,649
but the time for talking is over.
268
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,735
People, it is time for action,
question mark?
269
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:59,863
She's right!
It's time for action, exclamation point!
270
00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:02,157
Aw, sit down, you hayseed.
271
00:13:02,241 --> 00:13:03,575
I'm sick of speeches.
272
00:13:03,659 --> 00:13:05,661
They want to destroy
something important to us,
273
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:08,956
therefore, we should destroy our hometown.
274
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:10,374
What?
275
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,835
Yeah, babies!
276
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:17,548
-Wait! No!
No, no, no! Stop!
277
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:20,467
Please, no.
278
00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:31,270
I feel so bad. What a disaster.
279
00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:32,771
Well, isn't this a stinky pickle.
280
00:13:32,855 --> 00:13:36,191
What a silly old mess. Doo-do-do-doo.
281
00:13:36,275 --> 00:13:38,235
So then, uh, what's the play here?
282
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,738
Finish the job, burn the place down,
split the insurance money?
283
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:44,324
No. Brenda, you're so silly.
284
00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:47,286
The restaurant's closed
until further notice.
285
00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:50,497
Start scrubbing, y'all. Doo-do-do-doo.
286
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,795
Oh, no, please.
287
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,547
Please not the sarcastic clap.
288
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:01,008
What? I'm just a slow clapper.
289
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:04,011
2,000 years ago,
this is the speed we clapped.
290
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:07,181
But if you're feeling guilty,
that's your own conscience.
291
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:08,932
You know what? No.
292
00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,685
I am not gonna feel guilty
about this anymore.
293
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,520
I am not the problem. You know what?
294
00:14:13,604 --> 00:14:15,606
This stupid town is the problem.
295
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:18,692
You don't think that maybe,
you kind of maybe
296
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:22,279
reaped some things that you
kind of maybe sort of sowed?
297
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,697
Enjoy cleaning the toilets.
298
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,115
I will enjoy cleaning these toilets.
299
00:14:25,199 --> 00:14:28,327
Those toilets are gonna be clean,
just like my conscience.
300
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:29,578
-Great.
-Good, then.
301
00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:30,829
-Fine.
-Okay.
302
00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:32,915
-Oh, and Jenny...
-What?
303
00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:34,166
Don't forget I love you.
304
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:40,172
-She lives in a condo?
-She gets to live in a condo?
305
00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:43,217
Oh, God.
306
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,469
This is gonna be some boring-ass bullcrap.
307
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,471
I'm starting to get angry,
308
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:50,474
'cause two little birdies
told me this was gonna be sad.
309
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,100
Relax, Gram. Calm down.
310
00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:53,810
I promise you,
311
00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:56,605
she's gonna be a nightmare
portrait of walking dread.
312
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,902
Oh, hello, Betty.
313
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:04,404
Or not.
314
00:15:04,488 --> 00:15:07,032
I'm definitely getting
the Great Barrier Beef,
315
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,159
but I can't decide if I should start
316
00:15:09,243 --> 00:15:13,038
with a Boomerang-A-Dilla
or an order of Steve Irwings.
317
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,082
I don't feel like treating myself.
318
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:17,376
I earned half that money
by basically saying
319
00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:19,378
I love cigarettes and cancer.
320
00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:22,506
So, half an order of Steve Irwings?
321
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,841
G'day, mates.
322
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:28,971
Here's y'all's Bee Gees Breadsticks
with some Midnight Oil for dipping.
323
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:31,139
Wayne, I'm afraid I'm just
not gonna be able
324
00:15:31,223 --> 00:15:33,517
to enjoy an authentic Australian feast.
325
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,478
I know. What's the point
of having all this extra money
326
00:15:36,562 --> 00:15:38,355
if we're not happy with ourselves?
327
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,858
I think I speak for the restaurant
when I say...
328
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,442
That's not a life.
329
00:15:42,526 --> 00:15:44,695
This is a life.
330
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,196
Now what can I get y'all?
331
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:49,700
Nothing. I think we're just leaving.
332
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,326
Crikey.
333
00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:53,453
Grab that bread, baby.
334
00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:55,664
On it.
335
00:15:58,292 --> 00:16:00,335
Wow, Marjune.
336
00:16:00,419 --> 00:16:02,963
This is really beautiful.
337
00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:05,507
Some would say not sad in the least.
338
00:16:05,591 --> 00:16:06,925
Thank you.
339
00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:10,220
Morris bought me this.
He wanted me to have a place of my own.
340
00:16:10,304 --> 00:16:12,139
Please, won't you have a seat?
341
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:16,518
Oh, no. I'm starting to think
this is just a regular rich lady place.
342
00:16:16,602 --> 00:16:19,730
I'm horrified. Where are all
the Victorian dolls with cracked faces?
343
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:21,190
Ugh. And what is that smell?
344
00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:25,694
Oh, it's my eucalyptus soy wax candle
by Joanna Gaines.
345
00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:27,571
This is not Grey Gardens.
346
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,489
This is so basic "B" normal.
347
00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:31,158
It's like we bought tickets
to The Conjuring
348
00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:33,911
but ended up in
The Movie.
349
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:38,290
She also designed this distressed
"Caliente" sign above my oven.
350
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:44,046
Betty, your granddaughters
have very creative minds.
351
00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:46,381
Oh, I think they were expecting you to be
352
00:16:46,465 --> 00:16:49,176
a weird, sad shut-in,
but as I tried to tell them,
353
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:52,012
you are clearly a woman
who is living her best life.
354
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:55,849
But no one ever sees you,
so technically, you are a recluse.
355
00:16:55,933 --> 00:16:57,601
Oh, no. Not at all.
356
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:01,271
Thanks to my inheritance,
I travel 48 weeks a year.
357
00:17:01,355 --> 00:17:03,690
Athens, Berlin, Rome,
358
00:17:03,774 --> 00:17:05,943
all the towns in Georgia
that sound foreign.
359
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:10,531
My goal is to dance on a table
with a stranger at least once a week.
360
00:17:10,614 --> 00:17:13,367
You know, like that throw pillow says.
361
00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:20,040
What a mess.
362
00:17:24,086 --> 00:17:26,964
This stops now. Wayne, pull over.
363
00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:28,257
Everybody listen up.
364
00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:29,883
Jenny, what are you doing?
365
00:17:29,967 --> 00:17:31,635
Do you remember what happened
last time you made a speech?
366
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:34,346
Hush. This is the speech
I should have made a long time ago.
367
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,682
And by that I mean yesterday.
368
00:17:36,765 --> 00:17:39,059
Citizens of Greenpoint!
369
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:42,229
I made a mistake before.
I wasn't honest, and...
370
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,189
and it caused a riot. I'm sorry.
371
00:17:44,273 --> 00:17:47,818
So now I'm gonna speak from my heart.
372
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,987
I am a proud, lifelong citizen
373
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:52,239
of Greenpoint, and I have
walked by this statue
374
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:56,994
a million times. But until recently,
I never thought about what it meant.
375
00:17:57,077 --> 00:18:00,038
This town may have started
as Morris Culpepper's
376
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:01,915
personal ashtray, but now it is time
377
00:18:01,999 --> 00:18:04,543
to open a window,
spray some air freshener, people,
378
00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,879
and tear this statue down!
379
00:18:06,962 --> 00:18:09,047
What do you say? Who's with me?
380
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:11,300
Boo!
381
00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:12,926
Your speech didn't convince us!
382
00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:14,553
Now you're too specific!
383
00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:18,390
Okay, you're right. That didn't work.
384
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:19,558
Drive!
385
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:20,642
What was I thinking?
386
00:18:20,726 --> 00:18:21,935
Trying to make this town a better place?
387
00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:23,270
It's just pointless.
388
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,022
I should have kept my big trap shut.
389
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,648
Take me with you, babies!
390
00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:29,568
It's too much of a carnival atmosphere.
391
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:36,617
Marjune, I got to hand it to you,
392
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:41,038
taking care of Morris in his moldy years
really paid off for you.
393
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,290
Actually, they were
the best years of my life.
394
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,959
Morris has been gone 20 years now,
395
00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:49,922
but sometimes I still think
when I look out that window
396
00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:52,341
I'm gonna see him coming home.
397
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:54,009
Rolling up on his Rascal scooter,
398
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:58,180
followed by his team of no fewer
than six male nurses.
399
00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,973
People complain about second-hand smoke,
400
00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:04,811
but I'd do anything
for a lungful of Mo-Mo's fumes right now.
401
00:19:04,895 --> 00:19:07,856
Betty, I know it looks like
my life is perfect,
402
00:19:07,940 --> 00:19:12,027
but I have a confession,
I do get lonely sometimes.
403
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:14,112
Oh, Lord, I do, too.
404
00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:16,907
Ever since Ed died.
405
00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:23,080
It would be nice to have
some company for a meal
406
00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:25,207
or one of my vacations.
407
00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:27,626
We are connected through Morris.
408
00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:30,754
Why, I can see
why he was so taken with you.
409
00:19:30,838 --> 00:19:33,173
Oh, well, now...
410
00:19:33,257 --> 00:19:35,175
Uh, let me think.
411
00:19:35,259 --> 00:19:37,261
We could make each other very happy.
412
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:40,973
Well, I think we could have
a very satisfying arrangement.
413
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:49,273
Welp, once again, I couldn't trade
cheap sexual favors for material gain.
414
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:50,524
Okay.
415
00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:53,902
Now, with Ed, your granddad,
it was different.
416
00:19:53,986 --> 00:19:57,656
Ooh, when he walked in the room
and gave me that look...
417
00:19:57,739 --> 00:19:59,283
It was like, bam.
418
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:02,911
Yep, the jets in my girl Jacuzzi
really kicked into high gear.
419
00:20:02,995 --> 00:20:05,289
Ew. I'm putting my earbuds in.
420
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:09,293
This is the worst day of my life.
421
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,765
The statue. It's gone.
422
00:20:23,849 --> 00:20:27,311
Looks like we need a new statue.
423
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,688
A robot statue.
424
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,315
Damn it, Randy. No.
425
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,195
Ow. Oh! Ow.
426
00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:41,325
Thank God there's a little bit of peace
in the valley.
427
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:43,160
I do feel bad for Randy, though.
428
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,912
Yeah, but it's kind of for the best.
429
00:20:44,995 --> 00:20:47,789
Everyone's hatred for Randy
brought the town back together.
430
00:20:47,873 --> 00:20:49,708
There's a GoFundMe page
for his medical bills.
431
00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:51,877
-Oh, we should give to that.
-I did not give.
432
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,670
But I said I did on Facebook.
433
00:20:53,754 --> 00:20:55,464
-Y'all, can they track that?
-Mother.
434
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,841
Hey, I already did my good deed
for the year.
435
00:20:57,925 --> 00:20:59,176
Right, Wayne?
436
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:00,260
You know it.
437
00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:11,063
Welcome home, Mo-Mo.
438
00:21:24,034 --> 00:21:25,994
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
33584
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.