All language subtitles for Bless.the.Harts.S01E03.Jenny.Unfiltered.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Can't ever remember how many clicks

through fuzz it takes
to get to the channel.

-I want to say eight clicks.
-It's eight.

Mother, if you're gonna
keep sitting out there,

-don't chime in.
Wayne,

can you get me some more wine?

Sure thing, Betty.

Wayne, do not get her that wine.

You do not work for her.
Mother, if you want some wine,

-you can come in and get it.
-I will not come in.

I just got settled out here

-under the lanai.
-Mother!

What?
I can't hear you 'cause I'm outside.

Just gonna set it here like a,
like a pie cooling.

Don't you hand her that wine.

Damn you to hell, girl.

Hi, MayKay Bueller here.

I am supposed to be on vocal rest,

but my station in life
is to serve Greenpoint.

There is some brewing controversy

revolving around
the Morris Culpepper statue.

Some people are asking,
"Does it glorify tobacco,

"or is it part of our heritage?"

Other people are asking,
"Should it stay,or should it go?"

Smoking causes cancer!

Remove that statue, ban it, sir!

Statue stays!

That statue needs to come down,
like, yesterday.

Jenny, a lot of people have
strong feelings about that statue.

They think it's part of our history,

like the Wright brothers
or Fantasia Barrino.

Maybe so, but smoking is not something

we should be celebrating,
statue or otherwise.

I'm just saying,
people get awfully riled up

about these things.

Maybe it's best to let sleeping dogs lie.

Wayne's right, y'all.

We should let that statue alone.

Damn it to hellfire!

You guys, I've been
reading up on Morris Culpepper.

He was insane in all the funnest ways.

He clearly went crazy
with all his tobacco money.

He invented a knife for babies.

Stop.
He founded a sperm bank

-with only his sperm.
Girl.

He had his hip replaced
with Liza Minelli's old hip.

Love!
Whoa.

He even tried to start a Smoking Olympics.

And the footnote says
19 people almost drowned,

but then later died of cancer.

Wait. What?

It says here Morris Culpepper
dated Miss Teen Tobacco Leaf,

Betty June Bryant?

-Mother?
-Betty?

Yes, it is true, y'all.

Morris and I had a brief dalliance.

The year was 1983,

and a 17-year-old beauty queen was
discoveredby one Morris Culpepper.

Hello.

I'm Morris.

We had a whirlwind romance.

-Fast cars,

romantic evenings.

He even took me on a factory tour.

I was gonna Anna Nicole Smith him
and lovingly inherit his millions,

but then things took a tragic turn.

Oh, no.

-He died?
-I wish.

No, the tragedy was when
I realized I was gonna have

to be with him in the biblical way,
and I just couldn't do it.

It's my tragic flaw. I just cannot do it

with a rich older guy for the money!

In the end, a younger woman swooped in

-and did what I could not.

Marjune Gamble.

She swooped in the second I dumped him.

And when Morris finally died at age 105,

then weirdly came back to life
four days later,

then finally, finally died
at the age of 118,

Marjune inherited everything he owned.

That bitch. Is she still alive?

Because if so, she is dead to me.

No one's seen her in years.
She's a recluse.

Y'all, I should've been that rich recluse!

Well, that was not as dramatic
as I had hoped.

We have got to find Marjune Culpepper.

Can you smell it?

A major Grey Gardens situation.

What's a Grey Gardens?

It's a documentary about a crazy old lady

and her unmarried daughter
living in squalor.

I think I'm good.

Yeah, I think I can skip that one.

So what do y'all think about all
this Culpepper statue business?

I haven't seen this much hubbub

since they put up
that gender-neutral gazebo.

Oh, Lord, I know. It's a mess out there!

As far as I'm concerned,
they can melt that statue down

and use it to fix the guardrail
on Culpepper Slims Boulevard.

...is... what I heard
one... stupid lady say.

As I threw her out
on her tobacco-hating rear end!

You did not!

That's my girl!

Welcome to the right side of history.

Whoo-hoo.

Ugh. I feel gross.

Aw, Jenny. What happened?

I lied to a customer
and said I was pro-statue

and pro-tobacco in order to land a tip.

I mean, look, I hate that statue
and everything it stands for.

I know. Me too!

Smoking took
three of my four great-uncles.

But I learned a long time ago,
when it comes to important issues,

never take a side.

But... Take a look at what happens
when you agree with people.

Oh, my Lord, Jenny.
Are you kidding me right now?

Look at all those Washingtons.

Taking a side really pays well.

Yeah, but it feels awful.

Well, don't be too hard on yourself.
You are keeping the peace.

Yeah. Guess you could say I'm kind of a...

Paid ambassador.

But, you know, you don't think maybe

I should just give
all this money to charity?

Yeah, but look around.

If we were to give that money to charity,

they'd probably just turn around
and give it right back to us.

That's true. We would just be
eliminating the middleman.

And we could really
fix things up around here.

And all this cashola sure would look good
in Violet's art school fund.

Oh, my God, there's a Lincoln in here!

If taking a side pays this well,
taking both sides would pay double well.

Hmm.

Welcome to The Last Supper.

Would you like to sit in the pro-statue
or anti-statue section?

History?
That statue wasn't put up till 2002!

I've got bras
that are more historical than that.

First they knock down our statues.
Where does it end?

Pretty soon they won't let
cartoon characters smoke on TV.

Ain't that the truth.

I got bills to pay
and my home's a rental

Dealing with a problem that's monumental

Got to knead both sides if
you want to make some bread

So take your opinions and stuff 'em down

Print bumper stickers to sell in town

Why take a stand when you can
take the cash instead?

Working 4:00 to 10:00

Turning both sides against the middle

Working 4:00 to 10:00

Who cares if it's hypocritical

Working 4:00 to 10:00

Late shift never felt so shifty

Working 4:00 to 10:00

But the cash is sort of nifty!

-...61, 62.

-It's just so great.
-What?

Just how you're totally compromising

your moral integrity
and saying a bunch of stuff

you don't believe just to make money.

Oh, here we go.

Seriously, I'm jealous! I really am!

But then I think, what would I do?

And the answer is, ooh, boy. Not that.

Okay, you don't have to be smart about it.

Doing the right thing sometimes hurts.

Hurts so good.

Just like the John Cougar Mellencamp song.

-I love that song.
-I know you do and you should.

The Cougs was really onto something.

Taking the easy way out isn't
always the best thing to do.

Stop. I already feel guilty enough.

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty.
Go nuts!

But it is a little weird

that you bought those
600 thread count sheets

and still can't sleep at night.

Wonder what that's about.

Okay, Jesus. I get it.

Do you?

So, back to the sheets.

What do those suckers feel like?

Because this, 20 count.

It used to hold grain.

Tell me, y'all,
is there a Mrs. Senator?

-Gram?

Don't sneak up on your grandmother

when she's thinking
about what could have been!

Well, we were hoping for a less
emotionally-charged moment

to tell you this, but...

We found Marjune's address,
and we need you to take us there.

Hell, no. Why would I want
to go and meet the woman

who got everything I didn't?

Because we told you, Gram!
It's gonna be a Grey Gardens situation.

Guaranteed sadness.

It'll be cathartic for you.

Marjune Culpepper is a recluse.
A sad, widowed recluse.

I prepared a presentation
of the spinster-esque horrors

you can expect to see.

Like a single, unworn baby shoe
with a centipede crawling out of it.

Marjune serving high tea
to a family of world-weary raccoons.

Followed by a mid-afternoon

widow's nap where she spoons
the fully-intact skeleton

of her dead handyman.

And that's just the tip of the creep-berg.

Maybe it would be kind of nice
to see the lonely hole

that gold digger dug herself into.

-Yes!
-Yay!

But hand to God,

if she's not eating tuna salad
off a Frisbee plate

and wearing tissue-box shoes,
there is gonna be hell to pay, y'all.

Yeah, I don't even see
what the big deal's all about!

Good evening, everyone.

Settle down.

Please. Settle down.

Thank you all for coming tonight.

I called this emergency meeting
so we could have a safe place

to try to work through
this statue problem.

Look at me!

I'm the statue, babies!

Get out of here, Randy.
-No, Randy.

-No, please. Not tonight.

But it's a carnival atmosphere, babies.

Randy!
Get out of here, Randy!

Randy, you cannot do fire blowing in here.
I'm begging you.

Please, sit down.

Now, I feel confident
that we are gonna be able

to solve this statue issue
peacefully tonight.

That statue needs to stay the hell up.

If it were up to me,
I'd put more cigarettes on that thing.

-As an exotic dancer,

I inhale second-hand smoke all damn day.

Even when I'm on break!

Yeah!
-And I hate it.

I think the statue should stay up.

-Thank you.

What? Really?

You got a hole in your throat.

Oh, boy.
Sounds like we're pretty evenly divided.

How are we gonna settle this?

Hold on!

Our waitress at The Last Supper

just made some great points
about the statue.

We should let her talk.

Oh, you mean Jenny? Oh, yeah.

She has a real solid
moral stance on that statue.

-So refreshing.

Yeah. Jenny Hart
will settle this stalemate.

Yeah, Jenny would never
let sleeping dogs lie.

No. Lord, Jenny, no. Remember the tips.

Jenny! Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!

Okay.

That statue. Right?

I mean, it's, it's so,
like, it's-it's there.

You know what I mean.
Whenever you're in town

in the back of your minds
you're just thinking,

"That statue. It's there.
It's still there."

Yeah.

And I'm mad-glad.

That statue is the whole reason I'm here,
and why I'm so sad-cited

for all the wrong reasons
to say that it should be noted

-that in regards to the statue...
-Hmm?

...there are very strong opinions
on both sides.

Too vague!

Be specific!

You got my head spinning!

Well, we've all heard a lot of, uh,

specific people say,
uh, a lot of specific things,

but the time for talking is over.

People, it is time for action,
question mark?

She's right!
It's time for action, exclamation point!

Aw, sit down, you hayseed.

I'm sick of speeches.

They want to destroy
something important to us,

therefore, we should destroy our hometown.

What?

Yeah, babies!

-Wait! No!
No, no, no! Stop!

Please, no.

I feel so bad. What a disaster.

Well, isn't this a stinky pickle.

What a silly old mess. Doo-do-do-doo.

So then, uh, what's the play here?

Finish the job, burn the place down,
split the insurance money?

No. Brenda, you're so silly.

The restaurant's closed
until further notice.

Start scrubbing, y'all. Doo-do-do-doo.

Oh, no, please.

Please not the sarcastic clap.

What? I'm just a slow clapper.

2,000 years ago,
this is the speed we clapped.

But if you're feeling guilty,
that's your own conscience.

You know what? No.

I am not gonna feel guilty
about this anymore.

I am not the problem. You know what?

This stupid town is the problem.

You don't think that maybe,
you kind of maybe

reaped some things that you
kind of maybe sort of sowed?

Enjoy cleaning the toilets.

I will enjoy cleaning these toilets.

Those toilets are gonna be clean,
just like my conscience.

-Great.
-Good, then.

-Fine.
-Okay.

-Oh, and Jenny...
-What?

Don't forget I love you.

-She lives in a condo?
-She gets to live in a condo?

Oh, God.

This is gonna be some boring-ass bullcrap.

I'm starting to get angry,

'cause two little birdies
told me this was gonna be sad.

Relax, Gram. Calm down.

I promise you,

she's gonna be a nightmare
portrait of walking dread.

Oh, hello, Betty.

Or not.

I'm definitely getting
the Great Barrier Beef,

but I can't decide if I should start

with a Boomerang-A-Dilla
or an order of Steve Irwings.

I don't feel like treating myself.

I earned half that money
by basically saying

I love cigarettes and cancer.

So, half an order of Steve Irwings?

G'day, mates.

Here's y'all's Bee Gees Breadsticks
with some Midnight Oil for dipping.

Wayne, I'm afraid I'm just
not gonna be able

to enjoy an authentic Australian feast.

I know. What's the point
of having all this extra money

if we're not happy with ourselves?

I think I speak for the restaurant
when I say...

That's not a life.

This is a life.

Now what can I get y'all?

Nothing. I think we're just leaving.

Crikey.

Grab that bread, baby.

On it.

Wow, Marjune.

This is really beautiful.

Some would say not sad in the least.

Thank you.

Morris bought me this.
He wanted me to have a place of my own.

Please, won't you have a seat?

Oh, no. I'm starting to think
this is just a regular rich lady place.

I'm horrified. Where are all
the Victorian dolls with cracked faces?

Ugh. And what is that smell?

Oh, it's my eucalyptus soy wax candle
by Joanna Gaines.

This is not Grey Gardens.

This is so basic "B" normal.

It's like we bought tickets
to The Conjuring

but ended up in
The Movie.

She also designed this distressed
"Caliente" sign above my oven.

Betty, your granddaughters
have very creative minds.

Oh, I think they were expecting you to be

a weird, sad shut-in,
but as I tried to tell them,

you are clearly a woman
who is living her best life.

But no one ever sees you,
so technically, you are a recluse.

Oh, no. Not at all.

Thanks to my inheritance,
I travel 48 weeks a year.

Athens, Berlin, Rome,

all the towns in Georgia
that sound foreign.

My goal is to dance on a table
with a stranger at least once a week.

You know, like that throw pillow says.

What a mess.

This stops now. Wayne, pull over.

Everybody listen up.

Jenny, what are you doing?

Do you remember what happened
last time you made a speech?

Hush. This is the speech
I should have made a long time ago.

And by that I mean yesterday.

Citizens of Greenpoint!

I made a mistake before.
I wasn't honest, and...

and it caused a riot. I'm sorry.

So now I'm gonna speak from my heart.

I am a proud, lifelong citizen

of Greenpoint, and I have
walked by this statue

a million times. But until recently,
I never thought about what it meant.

This town may have started
as Morris Culpepper's

personal ashtray, but now it is time

to open a window,
spray some air freshener, people,

and tear this statue down!

What do you say? Who's with me?

Boo!

Your speech didn't convince us!

Now you're too specific!

Okay, you're right. That didn't work.

Drive!

What was I thinking?

Trying to make this town a better place?

It's just pointless.

I should have kept my big trap shut.

Take me with you, babies!

It's too much of a carnival atmosphere.

Marjune, I got to hand it to you,

taking care of Morris in his moldy years
really paid off for you.

Actually, they were
the best years of my life.

Morris has been gone 20 years now,

but sometimes I still think
when I look out that window

I'm gonna see him coming home.

Rolling up on his Rascal scooter,

followed by his team of no fewer
than six male nurses.

People complain about second-hand smoke,

but I'd do anything
for a lungful of Mo-Mo's fumes right now.

Betty, I know it looks like
my life is perfect,

but I have a confession,
I do get lonely sometimes.

Oh, Lord, I do, too.

Ever since Ed died.

It would be nice to have
some company for a meal

or one of my vacations.

We are connected through Morris.

Why, I can see
why he was so taken with you.

Oh, well, now...

Uh, let me think.

We could make each other very happy.

Well, I think we could have
a very satisfying arrangement.

Welp, once again, I couldn't trade
cheap sexual favors for material gain.

Okay.

Now, with Ed, your granddad,
it was different.

Ooh, when he walked in the room
and gave me that look...

It was like, bam.

Yep, the jets in my girl Jacuzzi
really kicked into high gear.

Ew. I'm putting my earbuds in.

This is the worst day of my life.

The statue. It's gone.

Looks like we need a new statue.

A robot statue.

Damn it, Randy. No.

Ow. Oh! Ow.

Thank God there's a little bit of peace
in the valley.

I do feel bad for Randy, though.

Yeah, but it's kind of for the best.

Everyone's hatred for Randy
brought the town back together.

There's a GoFundMe page
for his medical bills.

-Oh, we should give to that.
-I did not give.

But I said I did on Facebook.

-Y'all, can they track that?
-Mother.

Hey, I already did my good deed
for the year.

Right, Wayne?

You know it.

Welcome home, Mo-Mo.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH