All language subtitles for Bless.the.Harts.S01E02.Cant.Get.There.From.Here.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Welcome to Biscuit Town,

all the biscuits you can eat.

What can I get for y'all today?

I'll have a 12-Biscuit Biscuit Bonanza...

-Oh, get me some cheese grits.
-I'll have biscuits and gravy

with a side biscuit and a side of gravy.

Violet, honey, what do you want?

I'll take a clogged arteries
with a side of type 2 diabetes.

-We said cheese grits, right?

Can we also get

-six sweet teas?
-Okay, y'all.

That'll be $21.80.

I got it, I got it, I got it.

Five and ten and 15 cents.

You know what? I got this.

This is Kohl's Cash.
-Oh, shoot, really?

-I vote we drive away.

Quick, everybody,
just look for loose change.

Ow.

Oh. I have a credit card.

Can we put one biscuit on this card

and write a check for the cheesy
grits and Town hash rounds?

All right, who has their checkbook?

Let me jump in my time machine
and ask somebody.

Uh, when do you deposit your checks?

Is it, like, uh, end of day,

or... Oh, wait, tomorrow's Saturday.

Ha! Jackpot.

-Somebody hand me my checkbook.
-Here.

Mother, this is a complimentary
calendar from a funeral home.

Why do you have that?

Ugh! That's it.

Cool drawing, Vi.

I wish I was your biological
daddy so I could claim

some of that, uh, "talientay."

Seriously, I can't draw crap,
but I can draw this.

Boom. Look at that.

Freehand.

Violet, you are such a great artist.

Who is that?

This is Harold as portrayed by Bud Cort

in Hal Ashby's classic film
Harold and Maude.

Hal Assby and Butt Cord?

What kind of nasty movies
are you watching, Violet?

Mother, you are killing me today.

Violet, you must be the stizzar
of your art class.

Oh, I cannot wait to go
to your art show tonight.

It'll be so exciting to see
all your great work up there.

Okay, but just keep in mind,
there's been some budget cuts,

so the wrestling coach
is now also our art teacher.

Good hustle, Cortez!

Way to embrace Roy G. Biv, Tiffany.

Thanks, y'all, for coming out
to the art open house tonight.

We all know
how important art is now, right?

And stuff.
I mean, I can't tell art from fart,

but I can draw this.

-He traced that.
-Anyhow,

some of these kids can really do art.

Looks like this one

is some sort of disco pirate mannequin.

-David, explain this, please.
-This is a collage

of 1980s musician
and style icon Pete Burns

from the band Dead or Alive.

Once alive, now dead.

-RIP. Thank you.

And then Violet drew this...
I want to say, uh,

-gay guy?
That's Butt Cord

from the classic film Carol and Claude.

If it's not a sequel to National Treasure,
I haven't seen it.

Pin him, Cortez! Pin him!

Violet should be going
to the High School of the Arts

-in Winston.
I agree.

Violet, baby, you know what?
We are gonna get you

into that School of the Arts.

I don't want you to get
stuck here like we... I did.

You're getting the hell out of here.

We should all just forget it.

To put it in terms you can understand,
art school tuition

is like 15,000 Biscuit-Biscuit Bonanzas

with another 5,000
Biscuit Town hash rounds a year.

We're gonna figure this out,
Violet. Don't you worry.

Somebody needs to
get their act together, then,

because I'm the only one
busting my ass over here.

Y'all, I'm not gonna look at you
if you're gonna give me the look.

-Oh, I'm giving you this look.
-No, no, I'm gonna close my eyes.

Okay, this look is gonna
keep on looking until you look...

That doesn't matter
because I'm not looking.

-You better look over here!
-Okay, everybody stop your clucking,

'cause I have a idea.

-Oh, God. He bought two giant birds.

This is the best thing ever.

And is it just me,
or are those birds not right?

Damn right they're not right.

They're too big.
What happens if they start flying around?

Aw, these birds can't fly.

But their eggs are giant.

Giant nest eggs, if you will,
that sell for $40 a pop.

They lay ten of these a month,
that's $400 a month.

$400 times 11, 'cause I'm gonna
give 'em December off,

of course, is almost $5,000.

So all they have to do
is get to ostriching and beak-smooching,

and we'll be able to send Violet
to art school easy.

And the best part is,
they were only $500 apiece.

Oh. Well, this is gonna work,
hashtag sarcasm.

How did you pay for them?

I borrowed against my truck.
But we'll be in the money so fast,

nary a payment will be missed.

With the exception of
the first payment that I missed.

But it carries over.

The next month I pay double.

Or I just do triple the month after that,
and so on and so forth. Ow!

-Oh, God! Oh, my God!
-Oh, no.

He's got a beakful of his junk!

Ow! His pecker is pecking my pecker!

-Hi, Jenny.
-God dang it, Jenny,

you got the evenest tan
in all of Guilford County.

Well, Sam, you know
that I am one-eighth Cherokee.

I did get those good tanning genes.

And you got those "looking good
in your jeans" genes, too.

Doo, doo, doo, doo.

Hey, y'all.
Is everything tasting good?

Jenny, can you pour some more sweet tea
for my wonderful husband Daniel

and his businessmen friends?

Isn't Jenny such a wonderful,
fun employee?

Okay. Well, y'all keep on enjoying.

Doo, doo, doo, doo.

Jenny, people don't want to see all this

when they're trying to eat
their fried flounder.

This is a Christian restaurant.

Y'all do me a favor
and throw on this pocket tee.

Okay? Please and thank you.

Jenny, no.

-We're not doing that. You will not cover

-all this goodness.
-Stop it.

Jenny, you know I come
from a long line of Brendas.

My mom was a Brenda,
my grandma was a Brenda,

my aunts are Brendas,
my cousin's a Brenda,

my niece is a Brenda,
and we are all total sluts.

All of us. But we are good people,
and everybody loves us.

No offense to you and the Brendas,

but that doesn't really help me at all.

Not only do I need this job,

I'm gonna have to
start picking up extra shifts.

I just found out
how much art school costs,

and apparently,
it's half a damn biscuit restaurant.

All I'm saying is
Jesus-Barbie needs to chill.

See you in hell, Louise, 'cause I quit.

-Did Louise hear me quit?
-No. You... She's too far away.

Jenny, sounds like you need
to come work for me.

I know you used to be
a real good dancer.

Bud, I am not stripping.

Well, why don't you at least
come on down and man the buffet?

Or "wo-man" it.

You don't even have to take anything off.

All you have to do
is throw on a bikini top,

preferably a neon one,

and stir the grits
so they don't get that film on top.

I'm happy here serving food
with my clothes on.

Making zero dollars U.S.
and hiding your light in a bushel.

What a shame.

All right, I'll have
the Seven Loaves and Fishes Platter.

Double slaw. I'll pay for it.

Okay. Five, ten... Ugh.

What in the world am I gonna do?

Jenny, what's wrong, shug?

-Do people ever pray for money?
-Yeah. Oh, they do.

Every living moment.

Just now I got four
while we were talking. Five.

Do you want me to
keep updating you, or...

-Oh, no, no, no. No. It's okay.
-Six. Nine.

So I can pray for money, right?

'Cause, see, my family's always broke,

and the minute
we get a little of anything,

the broke keeps coming back.
Kind of like a VD.

Of course you can pray for money, Jenny.

-I just can't give it to you.
-I know.

Well, if I snap my fingers
and made everything okay,

what would life be?

Better? Perfect?

Wayne's trying his best,

but, you know, he does things
kind of his own way.

It'd be great if one of
his business ideas worked out.

He could really use a win
with this ostrich thing.

He's been trying like heck
to get them to mate,

but they are just not having each other.

You know, 70% of ostriches
become attracted to their human owners.

You don't think that's going on, do you?

Only if "becoming attracted"
means biting his ween and butt.

That is exactly how it manifests.

Why is it so embarrassing
when that happens?

'Cause it sounds like a fart.

-That is right.

That's why.

Jenny, I know your life is difficult,

but the difficulties of life
make us who we are.

God knows I don't want you to suffer,

but suffering and struggle
are unavoidable.

It's part of the whole deal.

Everything you need
is all around you, Jenny.

But can't you just give me
a little something

-that can help me right now?
-Hmm... Oh!

Your mom put a bottle
of white zin in the freezer.

Take it out immediately
when you get home, or it's gonna explode.

-Also, uh, Wayne's ostriches...
-Oh, Lord, what?

They're never going to lay any eggs.

-They're boys.
-What!

-Yup. Yeah.
-Oh, Lord.

To put it another way,

-you got two hot dogs, but no buns.
-Ugh.

Or another fun way to say it is
you got two beers, but no coozy.

You got two bananas and no doughnuts.

Two index fingers and no okay sign.

Two mozzarella sticks
and no ranch. You got...

Leonard, we get it.

You know,
I don't want you to worry so much

about money, Wayne, 'cause,
you know, we've got options.

Bud offered me a night job.

Bud? You mean Bud's of
Bud's Babydoll's Gentlemen's Club

slash topless car wash
on Kivett Boulevard?

Which I've never been to.

-Oh, hell no!
-No, no, no, not stripping.

Just stirring the grits at the buffet.

That's a gateway job.

Yeah. Gateway to extra cash.

Jenny, you don't have to take another job.

I'm gonna handle this.

If I can't get them to lay eggs,
I'm gonna break them,

so I can ride them
and train them to do tricks.

Did you know there's a guy in Myrtle Beach

who trained a giraffe to do
Jean-Claude Van Damme splits?

People pay a lot of money
to see those shows.

Well, if you're sure
it's gonna be that easy.

It is. Watch.

Sit. Ow, oh! Oh, my God!

-Right again! Same place!
-Lord.

-Same exact place!
-We just got the swelling down.

Oh!

-Ow! Ow! Son of a... Ow!
You know,

you could go to Charlotte,

meet a nice guy, y'all,
with a little bit of money.

Mother, stop.

You know I love Wayne to death,

and he's really been there
for me the last ten years.

And Violet loves him like a dad.

And I know he's never gonna be
Jay-Z or anything.

"Jazy"?

Oh, he's the one
that's married to "Betronce."

-No, Mother, it's Beyoncé.
-Oh, Lord, it's Betronce, y'all.

Don't bother the Lord with this.
Just trust me, it is Beyoncé.

Well, I guess we'll just
have to agree to disagree.

Violet's biological diddy
was not the greatest, yes...

Don is rich, but he is a total tool.

He's angry and

always weirdly sunburned,
even in the winter.

And he used to tell me I was done eating
by poking me in the stomach.

He could've given
you and Violet a great life.

The life that you deserve,
the life that...

That your daddy gave us.

All the bills would be paid.
We'd be flush in Kohl's Cash.

I could finally get my Jeep
with the eagle on it.

I could show these spider veins
who's boss.

Violet could go to her art school.

I can do this.

I don't need Don or Daddy or anyone.

-I can do it on my own.
-Yeah, right.

Oh, my Lord, I won!

-You did?
-Yeah! Another scratch-off!

Great.

Ugh.

There's been some turnover
in my personal life, so automatic A

to anyone who can turn
this Sonya into a Veronica.

Violet, hang on.
I just wanted to make sure you saw this.

It's a countywide art contest.

They want young artists
to capture different perspectives

on North Carolina.

Based on all the weird crap
I saw there last year, I think

you'd have a chance of winning.

What have I, what have I

What have I done to deserve this?

Is that supposed to be a song?

If it's not on
a National Treasure soundtrack,

I haven't heard it.

Jenny,

I never in my damn life thought you,

captain of the dance team

and voted
"Most Likely to Not End Up Stripping,"

would end up working at Bud's.

Well, technically, I'm not stripping.
No judgment.

Didn't you go to school to be a dancer?

Yeah. Had to drop out.

Um, I'm just actually moonlighting here

to help pay for my daughter's school.

She's a very talented artist.
She is going places.

Well, you should use your talents
to help pay for her talents.

You can make four times what you are now
if you get up on that stage.

Stop staring! I'm on break!

Look away!

Doo, doo, doo, doo.

Jenny, now...

How do I say this?

I'm afraid this is your last day
at The Last Supper.

Wait, wait, Louise, what?
You mean, like, you're firing me?

Jenny, I heard you were
moonlighting at Bud's.

A little birdie told me.
Also, Bud told me.

Oh. No, I'm just,
I'm just serving food there.

You know, stirring the grits,
so they don't get the film on top.

Well, as we all know,
grits-stirring is just

a hop, skip and a jump to loin-stirring,

so, Jenny, I'm sorry,
we're gonna have to let you go.

We can't have a Last Supper
employee associated with Bud's.

But you're not above taking Bud's money.

A man's got to eat.

Well, my family's got to eat, too.

I'm sorry, Jenny, y'all,
but this is a Christian business.

Like Chick-fil-A.

Except that we are open on Sunday,

'cause that's just
leaving money on the table.

-Fine, Louise.

Jenny.

Louise didn't fire you 'cause of Bud's.

She fired you 'cause she's jealous.

Ever since Nick Lachey
pulled you up on stage.

So now you got to hold your head high
just like a freakin' Brenda.

And don't hide your light in a bushel.

-People love your midriff.
-Oh, Lord, Brenda.

I need the money, but I don't think
I can ever do that kind of dancing.

It just doesn't feel right to me.

Plus, all that shaving.

So do it your own way, girl.

You're such a good dancer, they'll love it

-whether you take anything off or not.
-You think?

Remember in high school,
when we watched that movie Flashdance,

like, every day for a month?

Just be Flashdance classy.

And if the mood strikes you,
you always have the option

of showing your rosy peaks
and your lady lawn.

Just feel it out.

I'd do it, too,
except my areolas are cross-eyed.

So you've said.

We've got a new dancer tonight.

Put your hands together for Jennifer Hart.

I said not my real name!

Oh, sorry.
I mean Jennifer,

uh, Boofay.

Jennifer Boofay.

-Yeah!

Hey, y'all, watch this.

-Boo!
-What a rip!

She's not taking anything off.

-She's hot, though.
-I know, but I want to see boobs.

Oh, oh, I get it, this is supposed to be
like that movie Flashdance.

The one from the '80s,
starring Jennifer Beals?

-Yeah.
-Oh, she was hot!

I know.
Never saw her boobies, though.

Yeah. Flashdance was
about a "classy" stripper

that never took anything off.

She was also a welder!

-What?
-Yeah.

People forget, but that was her day job.

-Are you serious?
-Hand to God!

Oh, yeah!

And then in the end, somehow,
with no formal training,

she ends up a full-on ballet dancer?

-Yeah!
-Improbable!

-What a yank!
Boo!

Oh, now we're talking!

Yeah!

I'm on break! Look away!

Ah, who cares?

Now she's just damp?

-Boo!
-She's got on a camisole!

Yeah, chuckleheads
from the health department

made me shut down the buffet.

A man found a belly button ring
in the flour gravy.

He was a veteran, too.
Real sad.

All right, Bud.
I think we can all agree I nailed that.

Oh! It felt amazing!

So, I'm ready for my tips now.

Jenny, if they don't throw them,
you don't get them.

Oh, what? That is barbaric.

I was artsy as hell up there.

Jenny, have you ever been
to an art museum before?

Greco-Roman statues, buck naked.

Renaissance paintings, boobies.

Sistine Chapel, there's, like, 50 butts.

Hell, even the Mona Lisa's naked
from the waist down.

I mean, I'm assuming, based on her smirk.

Ugh, Bud, you are a pig.
I am not gonna take my top off.

Okay, well, this is
a topless bar, so it would be

false advertising
if I let somebody keep their top on.

Legally, my hands are tied.

Well, his top's on.
And his top's on.

Every dude in here,
I want you to take your tops off.

And your top's on.

So I guess you're
breaking the law right now.

Bud, you should take your top off.

Well, unfortunately,
I'm currently rocking my winter body.

Ugh, whatever, Bud.
You can kiss my film-covered grits,

'cause I quit.

Jenny, what are you gonna do now?

I'll figure something out.

Louise?

What are you doing here?

-I'm just trying to get out of here.

Hi, Jenny.

He comes here sometimes.
We have an agreement.

As long as I drop him off
and pick him up, he can come here.

It's just fellowship
with his businessmen friends.

So silly.
Doo, doo, doo, doo.

Yeah.

Jenny, you looked great up there.

-What?
-Y'all, I'm just saying,

I get why Nick Lachey
pulled you up on that stage.

Thank you. Thanks, Louise.

You will never speak of this, right?

My lips are sealed.

Well, okay, great.

See you tomorrow, Jenny.

At The Last Supper?

Well, yeah.
Where else would you be?

-Well, Wayne's gonna ride that sucker.

-He's gonna make a mint.
Hey, y'all.

Watch this!

-Yeah!

Wayne Z and Betronce!
Fly on out of here!

Hey, y'all. Watch this!

Come on, ugh! Ow, ow, ow.

Ow! Oh, oh, oh! Ow!

Oh, God!

That's us.
That's us up on that wall.

Violet made us all art.

Violet, y'all, you made us famous.

That is exactly how love feels,

with my heart outside my body.

-That's me riding Becky/
-Steve.

Look at that piece of art.

Oh, that flag's a metaphor.
For America.

And the winner of the $800
Young Artist Scholarship is...

Violet Hart.

-That's my baby!

-All right, now.
-Oh, Violet, baby, I am so proud of you.

I love you, you little talented peanut.

Oh, my Lord, I'm so choked up, y'all.

Wayne, I want you to use this
to buy a lady ostrich.

No, Violet. Hell no.

-You're going to art school.
-Eventually.

You're going places.

Eventually.

This is my grandbaby, y'all.
My grandbaby!

She came out of a womb
that came out of my womb!

Look at this one of Betty
doing scratchers.

And the scratcher dust forms wings.

We are a tree. A flowering tree.

My be-leaf is that I love this.

You see what I did there
with the word leaf?

Violet, this is amazing.
Look at this damn art.

It's a glass of wine pouring Betty.

That's my priceless "S."

Oh, hell yeah!

But you don't want to go too tall with it.

That's a rookie mistake.
You'll get it.