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1
00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:04,463
Oh, hey, Norma.
I'll take that mail.
2
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:06,298
You better take a look at this one.
3
00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:08,634
Your water's getting shut off
in three days.
4
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:11,094
Damn, Norma. You're not supposed to be
reading people's mail.
5
00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,972
Oh, I don't read it.
It's just that when you're this late,
6
00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:15,933
they put the threats on the outside.
7
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:19,394
They even got a cute little cartoon
for people who don't read.
8
00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:21,355
Oh, man, right in the middle
of her shower?
9
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:22,523
Okay, that's rude.
10
00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:24,066
Well, I got to keep moving
11
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,318
or the government
will zap my collar.
12
00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:27,653
Okay, Norma.
13
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:28,862
-Wait, what?
14
00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:03,146
All right, y'all,
I got my full caffeine Mountain Punch
15
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:05,440
in my fancy cup, aka I am now invincible
16
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:07,109
and ready to triage these bills.
17
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,695
Jenny, baby, there is nothing I enjoy more
18
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:12,781
than watching you hulk out
over a pile of bills.
19
00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:14,616
I'll never forget our second date.
20
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,661
You chugged a bottle of soda,
called up my Internet company,
21
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,663
gave them a piece of your beautiful mind,
22
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,665
and got my bill cut in half.
23
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,584
It was so dang sexy.
24
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:26,336
Oh, Wayne, wrangling discounts
is my love language.
25
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,005
So romantic.
26
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:31,425
Okay, what have we got?
"Dear Sir or Madam"?
27
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,760
Don't know my name,
don't get my money. Ignore.
28
00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:35,304
You can do this, Jenny.
29
00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:38,599
You are smart, you are hot,
and you are rich.
30
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,809
In every way not measured by a bank.
31
00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:44,980
"Final Notice" from U-Storage?
More like "U Ignoreage."
32
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,982
Wait.
33
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,400
We don't have a storage unit.
34
00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:51,028
Jenny, get in here.
35
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,697
I got to show you something good.
36
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,575
This dang "me-me's" so true,
I can't stand it.
37
00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:58,619
Mother, it's "meme." Meme.
38
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:01,622
Look how mad Leon DiCardio
is in this me-me!
39
00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:04,374
He's thinking about that last oriole.
40
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,584
Oh, good Lord, Mother.
41
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,252
Literally every other word
you just said is wrong.
42
00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:08,712
It's "meme," not "me-me."
43
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,256
Um, pretty sure it's "me-me,"
44
00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:14,092
and I should know
'cause I'm the queen of me-mes.
45
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,428
Can you tell me why in the hell
46
00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:18,430
we're getting a bill from U-Storage?
47
00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:21,642
Well, Jenny, just like
every other person in America,
48
00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:24,061
I have a secret storage unit.
49
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,230
Mother, they're gonna shut off our water.
50
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,856
Say bye to that storage unit.
51
00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:30,150
March on down there
and clear out your crap, please.
52
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:34,112
Okay, I didn't want to have to tell you
this, Nosey O'Donnell,
53
00:02:34,196 --> 00:02:38,200
but that storage unit contains
a high-dollar gold mine.
54
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,327
Oh, good Lord, what have you done?
Just spill it.
55
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:43,080
No can do.
The less you know, the better.
56
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:47,084
Wealth changes people,
and just like Jake Nicholston says...
57
00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:59,847
Fine. I'll just go down to U-Storage
myself and see what's going on.
58
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:02,933
Go right ahead. Won't make
any difference without the key.
59
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,605
Oh. Ugh.
60
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,149
Don't mind me, baby.
Just need to get to my office nook.
61
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:13,193
Slash my bedroom, slash art studio,
62
00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:15,404
slash pantry and general store,
63
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,531
slash the junk drawer where I sleep. Ugh.
64
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:20,200
Oh, hi, baby. I just popped in here
to yell at your gram.
65
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:21,618
-Slash argument zone.
-Mother,
66
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,036
you are telling me where that key is.
67
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,622
Oh, no doubt it's in here,
along with everything else
68
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,083
-in the entire universe.
-Oh, so sorry, sweetie.
69
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,378
I feel so bad your room
is such a multi-purpose space.
70
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,338
There's my peach mango
Crystal Light!
71
00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:36,717
Get your hands off that peach mango
Crystal Light. It's mine.
72
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,052
Mother, there's 16 canisters here. Relax.
73
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:42,639
-Come on, let's leave Violet alone.
74
00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:48,187
Ugh!
75
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:51,648
That's me. Laundry's done.
Dryer's broken over at my house.
76
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,525
I dried my trampoline cover
and didn't realize
77
00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:55,402
there were a bunch of pine cones in there.
78
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:58,071
Hey, that's a cool-looking dude.
79
00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,699
He looks like a badass with...
What is that?
80
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,951
A big knife or a little sword?
81
00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:05,454
Well, it's a saber, and this is Indigo,
82
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,372
who grew up with mystical powers,
83
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,416
and this is her origin story
where she's meeting Demos
84
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,627
for the first time.
He's, like, her real dad.
85
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:14,963
Oh, so her dad has, uh, dragon wings?
86
00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:17,549
And what is that?
A cool-ass hoop earring?
87
00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:19,510
This is more of an idealized proto-form
88
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,137
of the entire concept of "Father."
89
00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:24,348
Cool, cool, cool.
90
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,975
That little girl in the drawing
is obviously Violet,
91
00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:30,938
and that idealized proto-dude
is clearly her biological dad,
92
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:34,149
and he's got awesome proto-hair
and a kick-ass proto-jawline,
93
00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:36,026
and I'm not in here anywhere.
94
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,529
Hold on. Am I a stump?
95
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,781
People sit on me?
96
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,324
Wait, Wayne,
97
00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,243
how long have you been
talking to yourself?
98
00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:46,161
Should you clear your throat?
99
00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:48,539
Or make a sound like you've
been thinking or something?
100
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,249
Ope-de-dope, dope, dope.
101
00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:52,709
That bought us some time.
Now, where were we?
102
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,962
Wayne? You... You okay?
103
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,797
Yup.
104
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,216
Hey, what's this little dealio?
105
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,635
Oh, that's her magical haven,
Fort Indigo.
106
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:04,888
Her father built it for her so she could
have a space all to herself.
107
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,306
Before her father found her,
108
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:07,975
she was living with two hoarding trolls
109
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,935
who fought constantly over Crystal Lights.
110
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,937
Mother, relax.
I can't relax.
111
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,189
Food Lion doesn't carry
Crystal Lights anymore.
112
00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:17,234
-Hey, Vi, can I borrow these?
-Sure.
113
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,236
The lemon flavor
tastes like medicine.
114
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,571
Mother, I'm not disagreeing
115
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,656
that peach mango is the best flavor!
116
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,326
Now, where would that key be?
117
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:33,250
ChapStick, bejeweled
calculator, obviously,
118
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:36,128
random indoor rock... Wait a minute.
119
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:38,797
Bingo.
120
00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:45,345
Okay, let's see what's in this gold mine.
121
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,685
Oh, my Lord!
122
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,065
Mother? I found your
little investment stash!
123
00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:59,943
Get your flat butt down here right now!
124
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:04,323
Mother,
125
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:07,284
this is your secret investment?
126
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,244
You remember Hug N' Bugs.
127
00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:12,414
The collectible sensation that
swept the nation in the 1990s.
128
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,082
Mother, I-I can't believe you!
129
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:17,294
Jenny, these things are gonna be
worth a fortune someday.
130
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,463
Well, it's official.
131
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:23,342
You are one sneaky, little...
132
00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:24,968
Genius!
133
00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:28,847
We gonna be rich!
134
00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:30,807
Look at all this!
It's Hug N' Bug heaven!
135
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,226
It's amazing!
136
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,478
Right?
Do you remember the commercial?
137
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,022
Do I remember the commercial?
Oh, are you kidding me?
138
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,775
-Look!
-Hug N' Bugs!
139
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:43,487
The cuddliest combination
of current events
140
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,864
and pop culture you'll ever hug!
141
00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:48,200
Sir Mix-a-Lot Hubble Telescope!
142
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:49,826
Tamagotchi O.J. Trial!
143
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,204
Tonya Harding Don't Ask, Don't Tell!
144
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:54,456
Bagel Bites Clinton Impeachment!
145
00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:57,626
The Rachel Haircut Magic Johnson
HIV Press Conference!
146
00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:00,671
Cuddly and topical
Sometimes even tropical
147
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:04,258
I got to get my hands
on those Hug N' Bugs!
148
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:05,801
Oh, I thought they stopped
making these things
149
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,302
when they realized they were flammable.
150
00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:09,805
Yes, they did.
But their combustibility
151
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:13,016
just added to their scarcity
and made them super valuable.
152
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,893
Oh, Lord, yes.
How valuable do you think?
153
00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:16,353
Come on, let's get into those numbers.
154
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:21,275
I honestly think we are looking at
$50,000 to $75,000!
155
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,526
Oh, this is great.
156
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,486
I think we should sell
one or two right now, you know,
157
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:26,196
just to get out from under
this water bill problem.
158
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,740
And wreck the integrity of the collection?
159
00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:32,244
-No way, Jose Canseco Y2
-K Hug N' Bug.
160
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:43,714
No way we can build all this, Wayne.
161
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,674
This is an impossible structure.
162
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,593
What is this, an eyeball window?
163
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,386
And stairs that lead to nowhere?
164
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,513
And a-a midair gargoyle?
165
00:07:51,597 --> 00:07:53,599
-What would even hold that up?
-Dreams.
166
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:56,018
I don't think they sell that
at the hardware store.
167
00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,896
Well, good, 'cause we're not buying
anything at the hardware store.
168
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,648
We're gonna build it out of found objects
from the scrapyard.
169
00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:04,234
Not gonna cost a dime.
We have to.
170
00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,861
Look at this comic she's writing.
171
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:07,779
-Is that Brad Pitt?
-Worse.
172
00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:09,531
It's her biological dad.
173
00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:10,908
And look over here.
174
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,576
Oh, Lord You're a stump?
175
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,786
Yeah. Just a dumb-ass stump
176
00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:17,080
doing nothing but farting oxygen.
177
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:19,583
-That is not good.
-Not even a full tree.
178
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,127
Meanwhile, her perfect biological dad
179
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:24,004
built this cool little house for her.
180
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,089
So guess what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna real-life build
181
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,466
this cool little house for her,
182
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:30,719
so maybe she'll start to see me
as her father figure,
183
00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,804
and I'll get a better part
in her comic book.
184
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,014
That's a good idea, Wayne.
185
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:36,725
Wrong dot com, backslash nope.
186
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,436
Wayne, you're sweet, y'all,
but you can't compete with
187
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,230
Violet's biological daddy.
188
00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:44,399
Violet's real dad, Don Reynolds,
is a local legend.
189
00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:46,068
Also, he owns the Triad's only
190
00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,111
custom pool installation business.
191
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,531
Oh, and don't forget about
his thick, silvery hair
192
00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:53,659
that screams, "I own a boat,"
which he does.
193
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,369
Oh, hey, Leonard.
194
00:08:57,371 --> 00:09:00,457
We're building this fort
exactly the way Violet drew it.
195
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:05,796
Great news,
Nelson Mandela Super Soaker Hug N' Bug.
196
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,172
I'm setting you free!
197
00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:10,133
Jenny, word to the wise,
be mindful of reflections.
198
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:11,552
What do you mean, Brenda?
199
00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:13,428
When I was selling my slow cooker,
200
00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:15,639
everyone on Craigslist
saw my cooter reflection
201
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,975
in the sliding glass door.
202
00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:21,353
WELL, HAVE A GOOD ONE.
203
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:26,149
Let's go... $150.
204
00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:29,778
Whatcha doing?
205
00:09:29,862 --> 00:09:31,488
Something fun, I hope.
206
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,115
Oh, Jesus, I'm so excited.
207
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,367
My mother has a whole
storage unit of these gems.
208
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,869
Oh, I remember these little things.
209
00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,412
Cuddly and topical
210
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,289
Sometimes even tropical
211
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:43,000
Got to get my hands on those
Hug N' Bugs!
212
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,334
Yeah, those things were cute.
213
00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:46,128
-They're completely worthless, though.
-Nuh-uh.
214
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:47,963
When I was a kid, someone bought
215
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,382
the Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Desert Storm Hug N' Bug
216
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,176
for $6,000.
217
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:55,179
That's because people go crazy for fads,
and then they move on.
218
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,805
I've seen them all come and go,
219
00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:58,974
leg warmers, Pet Rocks, flappers.
220
00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:00,809
There was this thing
called the Bronze Age.
221
00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:02,728
Everyone went crazy for bronze.
222
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,354
They couldn't keep it on the shelves,
223
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:07,191
which were themselves made of bronze.
224
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,943
Couple hundred years later, bam,
everyone's all about iron.
225
00:10:10,027 --> 00:10:11,695
You couldn't give bronze away.
226
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,615
It's literally synonymous
with third place now.
227
00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:16,700
And old baby shoes.
So weird.
228
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,119
Well, we'll just have to agree to disagree
229
00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:21,121
because these things
are gonna sell like hotcakes.
230
00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:24,208
Hotcakes were another fad.
Now it's avocado toast.
231
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,834
-Ah!
232
00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:28,670
Yes! It sold! Look, for $150,
233
00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:30,297
just like I knew it would.
Whoo-hoo!
234
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,257
Good for you.
Sometimes I'm wrong.
235
00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:34,134
-You are?
-Never.
236
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,681
Whoo-hoo!
237
00:10:39,765 --> 00:10:41,850
-You won the auction.
-Yeah!
238
00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:44,478
Oops, that fist pump cost me
my pointer and my pinkie.
239
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:45,979
Can you give me a touch-up?
240
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:48,649
Got to get my hands,
I got to get my hands
241
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:52,194
I got to get my hands on those
Hug N' Bugs
242
00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:55,197
Grab 'em and squeeze 'em
Squeeze 'em and grab 'em
243
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,450
Hug 'em and love 'em,
Love 'em, don't lose them
244
00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:01,370
Keep 'em or share 'em
Share 'em or take 'em
245
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,205
Hide 'em or show 'em
Display 'em or throw 'em
246
00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:05,707
They're lots of fun for everyone
247
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:09,294
Cuddly and topical
Sometimes even tropical
248
00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:12,130
I got to get my hands on those
Hug N' Bugs!
249
00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,389
Okay, Violet, you ready?
250
00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:23,600
Check out your new art studio!
251
00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,727
Look familiar?
252
00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:28,689
You literally built what I drew?
Fort Indigo?
253
00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:31,859
Just nailed a few boards
together, all found objects.
254
00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:34,611
Defied the laws of physics.
No big whoop.
255
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:37,030
I want to go in there
and become a full-on shut-in.
256
00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:39,157
-Yes!
I'm gonna get my stuff.
257
00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:42,327
Did you see that hug?
258
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:45,455
That was a dad hug,
both in length and emotion.
259
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:49,334
You just graduated from
gassy stump to warrior dad.
260
00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:51,587
She wants to stay
in that fortress forever.
261
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,672
Suck on that, Don Reynolds!
262
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,300
Hang on.
Is someone standing there?
263
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,468
Okay, I just need to reengage
264
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:01,013
by making another perfectly
crafted thinking sound.
265
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,723
Yeep-a-doodle.
266
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,517
How we doing today?
267
00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:07,060
Greenpoint Building Inspector.
268
00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:10,355
Oh, hey.
Stopped by to admire my handiwork?
269
00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:13,275
No. I am here to tell you
that this structure
270
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:17,237
violates every fire code,
zoning code, building code,
271
00:12:17,321 --> 00:12:18,822
and social code we have.
272
00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:20,908
That's why I called 'em.
273
00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:23,035
Bobbie-Nell, mind your own business.
274
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:25,996
My business went under, and you know that!
275
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,165
I called the inspector on your ass
276
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,542
'cause that thing
looks like a devil church.
277
00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:32,294
Hey, shut up, Bobbie Nell!
278
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,214
It's an art studio, not a devil church.
279
00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:37,424
Looks like a devil church to me.
280
00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:39,009
I cannot emphasize this enough.
281
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:42,638
It is absolutely not a devil church.
282
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:45,057
Oh, I-I wish you hadn't been so emphatic
283
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:47,601
'cause there's, like, a million
special exemptions for churches,
284
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,102
even devil churches,
285
00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:51,063
but since you really
slammed the door on that idea,
286
00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:53,524
it's gonna have to come down
by the end of the week.
287
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:54,942
What? You can't tell a man
288
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:58,737
what he can and can't do on his
girlfriend's mother's property.
289
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,739
Well, if you want to appeal,
290
00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,282
you can take it up with the zoning board,
291
00:13:02,366 --> 00:13:03,742
but they do not take kindly
292
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:06,495
to alternative,
whimsical structures like this.
293
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,580
Oh, I will take it up with them,
294
00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:11,333
and they'll see that
this is a completely normal
295
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,919
and practical structure, no whimsy at all.
296
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,338
Look at me on a dragon's tail!
297
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:20,676
See that?
That right there is whimsy.
298
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:24,388
Investing in my future, y'all
299
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,598
Gonna make a mint, boy
300
00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:28,475
It's all happening
301
00:13:29,268 --> 00:13:31,687
Hug N' Bugs.
302
00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:40,696
-Mother!
-Jenny!
303
00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:42,781
Hug 'N Busted.
304
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:49,997
Sneaking in here
to steal my Hug N' Bugs.
305
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,541
-Oh, you better start talking.
-You better start talking.
306
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:54,501
Y'all, stop messing, you little Judas.
307
00:13:54,585 --> 00:13:56,545
What are you doing with my Hug N' Bugs?
308
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,589
I'm selling them so our water
doesn't get shut off.
309
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,465
And what the hell is that in your hand?
310
00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:01,884
You said you weren't gonna buy any more.
311
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:03,260
This was a killer deal.
312
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:07,764
Some nutso named "hugbugofficial34!"
313
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:10,601
was dumb enough to sell a limited edition
314
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:13,645
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman
Fruitopia Hug N' Bug to me
315
00:14:13,729 --> 00:14:16,190
for 150 bucks.
316
00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:20,611
Mother, I'm "hugbugofficial34!"
317
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,906
Which I guess makes you "jasonmomoafan$$."
318
00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:25,782
How do you know?
319
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,785
Because you bought
that Hug N' Bug from me!
320
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,204
So you lied to me online?
321
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,206
-Which is a felony.
-Not even close.
322
00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:35,584
Well, thank you very much
for making me into a sucker.
323
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,295
And all that extra money I made
was just our money.
324
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,006
Oh, our water is definitely
gonna get shut off.
325
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,257
Oh, please.
326
00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:45,302
They can't turn water off.
Can you turn off rain?
327
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,846
Can they turn off the ocean?
What are they gonna do?
328
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,349
Come over and put corks
in all our faucets?
329
00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:52,351
R-E-X-P-A-T-E
330
00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:54,353
Find out what it needs to be.
331
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:57,314
Ooh, r'uh-r'oh.
332
00:14:58,357 --> 00:15:00,275
Not gonna shut off the water, huh?
333
00:15:00,359 --> 00:15:02,778
Now, y'all, don't get hysterical.
334
00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:04,780
No, Mother.
I am gonna get hysterical.
335
00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:07,658
We have no water, Violet's
got school in the morning,
336
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:11,286
and I'm gonna have to remove
this mask with Diet Dr. Mister!
337
00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:14,581
Since adding cat boxes
to your windows would increase
338
00:15:14,665 --> 00:15:17,000
the square footage of your residence,
339
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:20,337
I'm afraid we're gonna
have to deny your permit.
340
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,674
But Ozzy Pawsbourne needs his sunshine!
341
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:26,802
He has seasonal
affective disorder, babies.
342
00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:29,012
Well, then you and Ozzy Pawsbourne
343
00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,306
should've read the dang code.
344
00:15:31,390 --> 00:15:33,517
-Randy, get out of here!
-That's enough, Randy!
345
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,186
All right, next up, a non-permitted,
346
00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:40,315
Tim Burton-esque structure
made of found objects.
347
00:15:40,399 --> 00:15:41,733
Look, I don't even know
why we're hearing this.
348
00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:43,151
Should we all just get lunch?
349
00:15:43,235 --> 00:15:46,405
We all want Thai.
350
00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:48,866
Thai? Thai? Thai?
351
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:51,577
-Thai?
-Is the juice place off the table?
352
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:53,579
For lunch? Denise!
353
00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:55,205
We get it. You're vegan.
354
00:15:55,289 --> 00:15:57,040
You can find some at the Thai place.
355
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,917
Come on, let's just deny this and move on.
356
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:00,210
Wait, hang on a second.
357
00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:01,837
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
358
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,965
I may not have followed
all the rules and regulations
359
00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,800
when I built this structure,
360
00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:10,053
but some zones
can't be contained by city laws.
361
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:12,681
I'm talking about this zone right here.
362
00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,808
He means his nipple, baby!
363
00:16:14,892 --> 00:16:17,060
-Randy! That's not what he meant.
-Randy, come on, man.
364
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:18,896
No. My heart.
365
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,857
This structure is for
my girlfriend's daughter Violet.
366
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,735
She loves that studio, and I love her
367
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,905
and will do anything in my power
to make her happy.
368
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:31,158
Now, her father, Don Reynolds,
may be rich and handsome...
369
00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:34,536
-Great guy!
-He's got that successful pool business.
370
00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:37,748
Oh, he installed my pool.
Did a great job.
371
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:40,042
Denied.
372
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:44,421
Sorry about that, Wayne,
but say hey to Don for us, won't you?
373
00:16:44,505 --> 00:16:46,256
Who's ready for Thai?
374
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:47,841
-Thai? Thai?
375
00:16:52,638 --> 00:16:57,142
We can't turn your water back on
because your payment bounced.
376
00:16:57,226 --> 00:17:00,062
Well, what if we paid you
377
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:02,940
with something
that's even better than money?
378
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:06,193
This is an authentic
Colin Powell Macarena Hug N' Bug.
379
00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:09,196
-Mint condition.
-Original tag.
380
00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:12,324
Certificate of authenticity.
381
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:17,371
Okay, I get it.
You can't say the words.
382
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:19,331
I'll just leave this here,
383
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:22,543
and now we are turning around,
384
00:17:22,626 --> 00:17:27,297
and now we're turning back around, and...
385
00:17:27,381 --> 00:17:29,508
And the Hug N' Bug is still there.
386
00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:32,386
Mmm, let me show y'all something, okay?
387
00:17:34,263 --> 00:17:36,598
Axl Rose Budweiser Frogs.
388
00:17:36,682 --> 00:17:39,142
The one that was accidentally
made with two bandanas?
389
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,144
Oh, that one is ultra-rare.
390
00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:43,981
The Bug-head who owns this
is gonna make a mint.
391
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,066
Mmm-mmm, no. That's my listing.
392
00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:49,111
I had that thing up there
for five years, and not one bite.
393
00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:51,321
Mother, did anyone ever bid against you?
394
00:17:51,405 --> 00:17:52,739
No, no one.
395
00:17:52,823 --> 00:17:56,326
Oh, shoot, y'all.
I see what happened.
396
00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:58,829
This is one of those classic
"I wasted all our money
397
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:01,623
"on worthless, flammable toys" situations.
398
00:18:01,707 --> 00:18:03,125
Classic.
399
00:18:06,712 --> 00:18:08,130
I know you can't give me cash,
400
00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:10,591
so maybe you can
just do me this one solid?
401
00:18:10,674 --> 00:18:12,718
I'm sorry, Jenny,
it just doesn't work that way.
402
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,511
I can only turn water into wine.
403
00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:16,346
I can't do it the other way around.
404
00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:18,098
And besides, this box is half-empty,
405
00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:19,516
and this one isn't even wine.
406
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,101
It's a rosé-flavored vodka.
407
00:18:21,185 --> 00:18:22,853
Well, can you help me out at all?
408
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,605
I know the answer's no.
409
00:18:24,688 --> 00:18:29,526
All I can say
is I work in mysterious ways.
410
00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:32,446
-Wait, so you'll help me?
Who knows?
411
00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:35,949
-Well, that sounds like a yes.
Or it could be a no.
412
00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:38,327
Well, see, you can't singsong
like that unless it's a yes.
413
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:41,455
Not necessarily.
414
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:42,998
Okay, God, this is really annoying.
415
00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:45,334
Or is it mysterious fun?
416
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,172
So this whole thing
has to come down?
417
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,590
I'm sorry, Violet.
418
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:53,592
I really whiffed it with this project.
419
00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:55,802
I freaked out after I read your comic,
420
00:18:55,886 --> 00:18:58,889
and I wanted you to see that
I could be a Brad Pitt Demos guy
421
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:01,141
and not just a farty old stump.
422
00:19:01,225 --> 00:19:04,019
Oh, Wayne.
You didn't finish reading the whole thing.
423
00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:07,648
Demos gets banished into
another dimension on page four
424
00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:11,068
and Fort Indigo blows up,
but not before your stump grows
425
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:14,363
into a tree that saves Indigo
and helps her find her way home.
426
00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:18,116
Aw.
427
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,868
Okay.
428
00:19:19,952 --> 00:19:22,079
Going over to Bobbie Nell's
to try and trade these Bugs
429
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,956
for ten minutes of hose water.
430
00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:26,041
Tell her not to smoke around those things.
431
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,460
They will full-on bust into flames.
432
00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:31,171
Wayne, you just gave me a great idea.
433
00:19:34,675 --> 00:19:37,678
-Gram, want to do the honors?
-You bet your butt I do.
434
00:19:44,852 --> 00:19:47,229
-Oh, my Lord.
435
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:49,314
There's a bid on the Colin
Powell Macarena Hug N' Bug.
436
00:19:49,398 --> 00:19:50,524
$600?
437
00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,192
-Mother?
-It's not me.
438
00:19:52,276 --> 00:19:53,819
Well, we got to put that fire out!
439
00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:55,320
We don't have any water.
440
00:19:55,404 --> 00:19:58,448
Wayne, you should get
your ass in there and save the day.
441
00:19:58,532 --> 00:20:01,118
Wait. How long have I been
thinking again?
442
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:02,703
-Doodily doopski.
-What?
443
00:20:02,786 --> 00:20:04,496
-I'm going in.
-No! Wayne!
444
00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:06,164
-Don't!
-It's too dangerous.
445
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,417
Be careful, Wayne!
446
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:11,003
Oh, be careful.
447
00:20:15,883 --> 00:20:17,634
-Yeah! Yeah, yeah!
448
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:24,266
Oh, it's beautiful!
449
00:20:26,727 --> 00:20:28,061
Okay.
450
00:20:28,145 --> 00:20:29,605
-Everybody ready?
-Mmm-hmm.
451
00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:32,191
-Yep, y'all.
-One, two,
452
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:34,526
let it flow!
453
00:20:34,610 --> 00:20:35,611
Whoo-hoo!
454
00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:38,864
Water, I could kiss you.
455
00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:43,243
Jason Momoa as my witness,
I will never turn this water off.
456
00:20:43,327 --> 00:20:44,786
I'm gonna take a four-hour shower.
457
00:20:44,870 --> 00:20:46,205
Someone time me.
458
00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:49,208
Okay, I'm gonna flush one more time,
and then we really got to quit playing,
459
00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:51,168
'cause we do not want to run up
this water bill again.
460
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,962
Did we ever find out
who bought that one Hug N' Bug?
461
00:20:54,046 --> 00:20:57,716
I have no idea, but thank you,
"four-star-baller69?"
462
00:20:59,218 --> 00:21:00,844
Whoever you are.
463
00:21:05,766 --> 00:21:08,435
Colin, Colin,
stop admiring your collection
464
00:21:08,519 --> 00:21:10,103
and come to dinner!
465
00:21:10,187 --> 00:21:11,605
In a minute.
466
00:21:13,148 --> 00:21:15,776
You've seen some real action, my friend.
467
00:21:15,859 --> 00:21:19,029
But you're home now.
No Bug left behind.
36096
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