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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:04,463 Oh, hey, Norma. I'll take that mail. 2 00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:06,298 You better take a look at this one. 3 00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:08,634 Your water's getting shut off in three days. 4 00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:11,094 Damn, Norma. You're not supposed to be reading people's mail. 5 00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,972 Oh, I don't read it. It's just that when you're this late, 6 00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:15,933 they put the threats on the outside. 7 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:19,394 They even got a cute little cartoon for people who don't read. 8 00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:21,355 Oh, man, right in the middle of her shower? 9 00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:22,523 Okay, that's rude. 10 00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:24,066 Well, I got to keep moving 11 00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,318 or the government will zap my collar. 12 00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:27,653 Okay, Norma. 13 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:28,862 -Wait, what? 14 00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:03,146 All right, y'all, I got my full caffeine Mountain Punch 15 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:05,440 in my fancy cup, aka I am now invincible 16 00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:07,109 and ready to triage these bills. 17 00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,695 Jenny, baby, there is nothing I enjoy more 18 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:12,781 than watching you hulk out over a pile of bills. 19 00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:14,616 I'll never forget our second date. 20 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,661 You chugged a bottle of soda, called up my Internet company, 21 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,663 gave them a piece of your beautiful mind, 22 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,665 and got my bill cut in half. 23 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,584 It was so dang sexy. 24 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:26,336 Oh, Wayne, wrangling discounts is my love language. 25 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,005 So romantic. 26 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:31,425 Okay, what have we got? "Dear Sir or Madam"? 27 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,760 Don't know my name, don't get my money. Ignore. 28 00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:35,304 You can do this, Jenny. 29 00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:38,599 You are smart, you are hot, and you are rich. 30 00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,809 In every way not measured by a bank. 31 00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:44,980 "Final Notice" from U-Storage? More like "U Ignoreage." 32 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,982 Wait. 33 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,400 We don't have a storage unit. 34 00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:51,028 Jenny, get in here. 35 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,697 I got to show you something good. 36 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,575 This dang "me-me's" so true, I can't stand it. 37 00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:58,619 Mother, it's "meme." Meme. 38 00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:01,622 Look how mad Leon DiCardio is in this me-me! 39 00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:04,374 He's thinking about that last oriole. 40 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,584 Oh, good Lord, Mother. 41 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,252 Literally every other word you just said is wrong. 42 00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:08,712 It's "meme," not "me-me." 43 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,256 Um, pretty sure it's "me-me," 44 00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:14,092 and I should know 'cause I'm the queen of me-mes. 45 00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,428 Can you tell me why in the hell 46 00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:18,430 we're getting a bill from U-Storage? 47 00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:21,642 Well, Jenny, just like every other person in America, 48 00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:24,061 I have a secret storage unit. 49 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,230 Mother, they're gonna shut off our water. 50 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,856 Say bye to that storage unit. 51 00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:30,150 March on down there and clear out your crap, please. 52 00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:34,112 Okay, I didn't want to have to tell you this, Nosey O'Donnell, 53 00:02:34,196 --> 00:02:38,200 but that storage unit contains a high-dollar gold mine. 54 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,327 Oh, good Lord, what have you done? Just spill it. 55 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:43,080 No can do. The less you know, the better. 56 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:47,084 Wealth changes people, and just like Jake Nicholston says... 57 00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:59,847 Fine. I'll just go down to U-Storage myself and see what's going on. 58 00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:02,933 Go right ahead. Won't make any difference without the key. 59 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,605 Oh. Ugh. 60 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,149 Don't mind me, baby. Just need to get to my office nook. 61 00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:13,193 Slash my bedroom, slash art studio, 62 00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:15,404 slash pantry and general store, 63 00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,531 slash the junk drawer where I sleep. Ugh. 64 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:20,200 Oh, hi, baby. I just popped in here to yell at your gram. 65 00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:21,618 -Slash argument zone. -Mother, 66 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,036 you are telling me where that key is. 67 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,622 Oh, no doubt it's in here, along with everything else 68 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,083 -in the entire universe. -Oh, so sorry, sweetie. 69 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,378 I feel so bad your room is such a multi-purpose space. 70 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,338 There's my peach mango Crystal Light! 71 00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:36,717 Get your hands off that peach mango Crystal Light. It's mine. 72 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,052 Mother, there's 16 canisters here. Relax. 73 00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:42,639 -Come on, let's leave Violet alone. 74 00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:48,187 Ugh! 75 00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:51,648 That's me. Laundry's done. Dryer's broken over at my house. 76 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,525 I dried my trampoline cover and didn't realize 77 00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:55,402 there were a bunch of pine cones in there. 78 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:58,071 Hey, that's a cool-looking dude. 79 00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,699 He looks like a badass with... What is that? 80 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,951 A big knife or a little sword? 81 00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:05,454 Well, it's a saber, and this is Indigo, 82 00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,372 who grew up with mystical powers, 83 00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,416 and this is her origin story where she's meeting Demos 84 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,627 for the first time. He's, like, her real dad. 85 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:14,963 Oh, so her dad has, uh, dragon wings? 86 00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:17,549 And what is that? A cool-ass hoop earring? 87 00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:19,510 This is more of an idealized proto-form 88 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,137 of the entire concept of "Father." 89 00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:24,348 Cool, cool, cool. 90 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,975 That little girl in the drawing is obviously Violet, 91 00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:30,938 and that idealized proto-dude is clearly her biological dad, 92 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:34,149 and he's got awesome proto-hair and a kick-ass proto-jawline, 93 00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:36,026 and I'm not in here anywhere. 94 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,529 Hold on. Am I a stump? 95 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,781 People sit on me? 96 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,324 Wait, Wayne, 97 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,243 how long have you been talking to yourself? 98 00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:46,161 Should you clear your throat? 99 00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:48,539 Or make a sound like you've been thinking or something? 100 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,249 Ope-de-dope, dope, dope. 101 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:52,709 That bought us some time. Now, where were we? 102 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,962 Wayne? You... You okay? 103 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,797 Yup. 104 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,216 Hey, what's this little dealio? 105 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,635 Oh, that's her magical haven, Fort Indigo. 106 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:04,888 Her father built it for her so she could have a space all to herself. 107 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,306 Before her father found her, 108 00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:07,975 she was living with two hoarding trolls 109 00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,935 who fought constantly over Crystal Lights. 110 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,937 Mother, relax. I can't relax. 111 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,189 Food Lion doesn't carry Crystal Lights anymore. 112 00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:17,234 -Hey, Vi, can I borrow these? -Sure. 113 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,236 The lemon flavor tastes like medicine. 114 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,571 Mother, I'm not disagreeing 115 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,656 that peach mango is the best flavor! 116 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,326 Now, where would that key be? 117 00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:33,250 ChapStick, bejeweled calculator, obviously, 118 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:36,128 random indoor rock... Wait a minute. 119 00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:38,797 Bingo. 120 00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:45,345 Okay, let's see what's in this gold mine. 121 00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,685 Oh, my Lord! 122 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,065 Mother? I found your little investment stash! 123 00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:59,943 Get your flat butt down here right now! 124 00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:04,323 Mother, 125 00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:07,284 this is your secret investment? 126 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,244 You remember Hug N' Bugs. 127 00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:12,414 The collectible sensation that swept the nation in the 1990s. 128 00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,082 Mother, I-I can't believe you! 129 00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:17,294 Jenny, these things are gonna be worth a fortune someday. 130 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,463 Well, it's official. 131 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:23,342 You are one sneaky, little... 132 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:24,968 Genius! 133 00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:28,847 We gonna be rich! 134 00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:30,807 Look at all this! It's Hug N' Bug heaven! 135 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,226 It's amazing! 136 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,478 Right? Do you remember the commercial? 137 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,022 Do I remember the commercial? Oh, are you kidding me? 138 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,775 -Look! -Hug N' Bugs! 139 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:43,487 The cuddliest combination of current events 140 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,864 and pop culture you'll ever hug! 141 00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:48,200 Sir Mix-a-Lot Hubble Telescope! 142 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:49,826 Tamagotchi O.J. Trial! 143 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,204 Tonya Harding Don't Ask, Don't Tell! 144 00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:54,456 Bagel Bites Clinton Impeachment! 145 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:57,626 The Rachel Haircut Magic Johnson HIV Press Conference! 146 00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:00,671 Cuddly and topical Sometimes even tropical 147 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:04,258 I got to get my hands on those Hug N' Bugs! 148 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:05,801 Oh, I thought they stopped making these things 149 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,302 when they realized they were flammable. 150 00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:09,805 Yes, they did. But their combustibility 151 00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:13,016 just added to their scarcity and made them super valuable. 152 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,893 Oh, Lord, yes. How valuable do you think? 153 00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:16,353 Come on, let's get into those numbers. 154 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:21,275 I honestly think we are looking at $50,000 to $75,000! 155 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,526 Oh, this is great. 156 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,486 I think we should sell one or two right now, you know, 157 00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:26,196 just to get out from under this water bill problem. 158 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,740 And wreck the integrity of the collection? 159 00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:32,244 -No way, Jose Canseco Y2 -K Hug N' Bug. 160 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:43,714 No way we can build all this, Wayne. 161 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,674 This is an impossible structure. 162 00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,593 What is this, an eyeball window? 163 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,386 And stairs that lead to nowhere? 164 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,513 And a-a midair gargoyle? 165 00:07:51,597 --> 00:07:53,599 -What would even hold that up? -Dreams. 166 00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:56,018 I don't think they sell that at the hardware store. 167 00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,896 Well, good, 'cause we're not buying anything at the hardware store. 168 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,648 We're gonna build it out of found objects from the scrapyard. 169 00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:04,234 Not gonna cost a dime. We have to. 170 00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,861 Look at this comic she's writing. 171 00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:07,779 -Is that Brad Pitt? -Worse. 172 00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:09,531 It's her biological dad. 173 00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:10,908 And look over here. 174 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,576 Oh, Lord You're a stump? 175 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,786 Yeah. Just a dumb-ass stump 176 00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:17,080 doing nothing but farting oxygen. 177 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:19,583 -That is not good. -Not even a full tree. 178 00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,127 Meanwhile, her perfect biological dad 179 00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:24,004 built this cool little house for her. 180 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,089 So guess what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna real-life build 181 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,466 this cool little house for her, 182 00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:30,719 so maybe she'll start to see me as her father figure, 183 00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,804 and I'll get a better part in her comic book. 184 00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,014 That's a good idea, Wayne. 185 00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:36,725 Wrong dot com, backslash nope. 186 00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,436 Wayne, you're sweet, y'all, but you can't compete with 187 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,230 Violet's biological daddy. 188 00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:44,399 Violet's real dad, Don Reynolds, is a local legend. 189 00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:46,068 Also, he owns the Triad's only 190 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,111 custom pool installation business. 191 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,531 Oh, and don't forget about his thick, silvery hair 192 00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:53,659 that screams, "I own a boat," which he does. 193 00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,369 Oh, hey, Leonard. 194 00:08:57,371 --> 00:09:00,457 We're building this fort exactly the way Violet drew it. 195 00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:05,796 Great news, Nelson Mandela Super Soaker Hug N' Bug. 196 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,172 I'm setting you free! 197 00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:10,133 Jenny, word to the wise, be mindful of reflections. 198 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:11,552 What do you mean, Brenda? 199 00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:13,428 When I was selling my slow cooker, 200 00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:15,639 everyone on Craigslist saw my cooter reflection 201 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,975 in the sliding glass door. 202 00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:21,353 WELL, HAVE A GOOD ONE. 203 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:26,149 Let's go... $150. 204 00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:29,778 Whatcha doing? 205 00:09:29,862 --> 00:09:31,488 Something fun, I hope. 206 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,115 Oh, Jesus, I'm so excited. 207 00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,367 My mother has a whole storage unit of these gems. 208 00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,869 Oh, I remember these little things. 209 00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,412 Cuddly and topical 210 00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,289 Sometimes even tropical 211 00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:43,000 Got to get my hands on those Hug N' Bugs! 212 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,334 Yeah, those things were cute. 213 00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:46,128 -They're completely worthless, though. -Nuh-uh. 214 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:47,963 When I was a kid, someone bought 215 00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,382 the Jonathan Taylor Thomas Desert Storm Hug N' Bug 216 00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,176 for $6,000. 217 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:55,179 That's because people go crazy for fads, and then they move on. 218 00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,805 I've seen them all come and go, 219 00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:58,974 leg warmers, Pet Rocks, flappers. 220 00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:00,809 There was this thing called the Bronze Age. 221 00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:02,728 Everyone went crazy for bronze. 222 00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,354 They couldn't keep it on the shelves, 223 00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:07,191 which were themselves made of bronze. 224 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,943 Couple hundred years later, bam, everyone's all about iron. 225 00:10:10,027 --> 00:10:11,695 You couldn't give bronze away. 226 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,615 It's literally synonymous with third place now. 227 00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:16,700 And old baby shoes. So weird. 228 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,119 Well, we'll just have to agree to disagree 229 00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:21,121 because these things are gonna sell like hotcakes. 230 00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:24,208 Hotcakes were another fad. Now it's avocado toast. 231 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,834 -Ah! 232 00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:28,670 Yes! It sold! Look, for $150, 233 00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:30,297 just like I knew it would. Whoo-hoo! 234 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,257 Good for you. Sometimes I'm wrong. 235 00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:34,134 -You are? -Never. 236 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,681 Whoo-hoo! 237 00:10:39,765 --> 00:10:41,850 -You won the auction. -Yeah! 238 00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:44,478 Oops, that fist pump cost me my pointer and my pinkie. 239 00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:45,979 Can you give me a touch-up? 240 00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:48,649 Got to get my hands, I got to get my hands 241 00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:52,194 I got to get my hands on those Hug N' Bugs 242 00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:55,197 Grab 'em and squeeze 'em Squeeze 'em and grab 'em 243 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,450 Hug 'em and love 'em, Love 'em, don't lose them 244 00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:01,370 Keep 'em or share 'em Share 'em or take 'em 245 00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,205 Hide 'em or show 'em Display 'em or throw 'em 246 00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:05,707 They're lots of fun for everyone 247 00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:09,294 Cuddly and topical Sometimes even tropical 248 00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:12,130 I got to get my hands on those Hug N' Bugs! 249 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,389 Okay, Violet, you ready? 250 00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:23,600 Check out your new art studio! 251 00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,727 Look familiar? 252 00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:28,689 You literally built what I drew? Fort Indigo? 253 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:31,859 Just nailed a few boards together, all found objects. 254 00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:34,611 Defied the laws of physics. No big whoop. 255 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:37,030 I want to go in there and become a full-on shut-in. 256 00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:39,157 -Yes! I'm gonna get my stuff. 257 00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:42,327 Did you see that hug? 258 00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:45,455 That was a dad hug, both in length and emotion. 259 00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:49,334 You just graduated from gassy stump to warrior dad. 260 00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:51,587 She wants to stay in that fortress forever. 261 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,672 Suck on that, Don Reynolds! 262 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,300 Hang on. Is someone standing there? 263 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,468 Okay, I just need to reengage 264 00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:01,013 by making another perfectly crafted thinking sound. 265 00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,723 Yeep-a-doodle. 266 00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,517 How we doing today? 267 00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:07,060 Greenpoint Building Inspector. 268 00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:10,355 Oh, hey. Stopped by to admire my handiwork? 269 00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:13,275 No. I am here to tell you that this structure 270 00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:17,237 violates every fire code, zoning code, building code, 271 00:12:17,321 --> 00:12:18,822 and social code we have. 272 00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:20,908 That's why I called 'em. 273 00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:23,035 Bobbie-Nell, mind your own business. 274 00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:25,996 My business went under, and you know that! 275 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,165 I called the inspector on your ass 276 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,542 'cause that thing looks like a devil church. 277 00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:32,294 Hey, shut up, Bobbie Nell! 278 00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,214 It's an art studio, not a devil church. 279 00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:37,424 Looks like a devil church to me. 280 00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:39,009 I cannot emphasize this enough. 281 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:42,638 It is absolutely not a devil church. 282 00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:45,057 Oh, I-I wish you hadn't been so emphatic 283 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:47,601 'cause there's, like, a million special exemptions for churches, 284 00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,102 even devil churches, 285 00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:51,063 but since you really slammed the door on that idea, 286 00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:53,524 it's gonna have to come down by the end of the week. 287 00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:54,942 What? You can't tell a man 288 00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:58,737 what he can and can't do on his girlfriend's mother's property. 289 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,739 Well, if you want to appeal, 290 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,282 you can take it up with the zoning board, 291 00:13:02,366 --> 00:13:03,742 but they do not take kindly 292 00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:06,495 to alternative, whimsical structures like this. 293 00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,580 Oh, I will take it up with them, 294 00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:11,333 and they'll see that this is a completely normal 295 00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,919 and practical structure, no whimsy at all. 296 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,338 Look at me on a dragon's tail! 297 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:20,676 See that? That right there is whimsy. 298 00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:24,388 Investing in my future, y'all 299 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,598 Gonna make a mint, boy 300 00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:28,475 It's all happening 301 00:13:29,268 --> 00:13:31,687 Hug N' Bugs. 302 00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:40,696 -Mother! -Jenny! 303 00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:42,781 Hug 'N Busted. 304 00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:49,997 Sneaking in here to steal my Hug N' Bugs. 305 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,541 -Oh, you better start talking. -You better start talking. 306 00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:54,501 Y'all, stop messing, you little Judas. 307 00:13:54,585 --> 00:13:56,545 What are you doing with my Hug N' Bugs? 308 00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,589 I'm selling them so our water doesn't get shut off. 309 00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,465 And what the hell is that in your hand? 310 00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:01,884 You said you weren't gonna buy any more. 311 00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:03,260 This was a killer deal. 312 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:07,764 Some nutso named "hugbugofficial34!" 313 00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:10,601 was dumb enough to sell a limited edition 314 00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:13,645 Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman Fruitopia Hug N' Bug to me 315 00:14:13,729 --> 00:14:16,190 for 150 bucks. 316 00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:20,611 Mother, I'm "hugbugofficial34!" 317 00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,906 Which I guess makes you "jasonmomoafan$$." 318 00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:25,782 How do you know? 319 00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,785 Because you bought that Hug N' Bug from me! 320 00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,204 So you lied to me online? 321 00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,206 -Which is a felony. -Not even close. 322 00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:35,584 Well, thank you very much for making me into a sucker. 323 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,295 And all that extra money I made was just our money. 324 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,006 Oh, our water is definitely gonna get shut off. 325 00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,257 Oh, please. 326 00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:45,302 They can't turn water off. Can you turn off rain? 327 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,846 Can they turn off the ocean? What are they gonna do? 328 00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,349 Come over and put corks in all our faucets? 329 00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:52,351 R-E-X-P-A-T-E 330 00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:54,353 Find out what it needs to be. 331 00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:57,314 Ooh, r'uh-r'oh. 332 00:14:58,357 --> 00:15:00,275 Not gonna shut off the water, huh? 333 00:15:00,359 --> 00:15:02,778 Now, y'all, don't get hysterical. 334 00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:04,780 No, Mother. I am gonna get hysterical. 335 00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:07,658 We have no water, Violet's got school in the morning, 336 00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:11,286 and I'm gonna have to remove this mask with Diet Dr. Mister! 337 00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:14,581 Since adding cat boxes to your windows would increase 338 00:15:14,665 --> 00:15:17,000 the square footage of your residence, 339 00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:20,337 I'm afraid we're gonna have to deny your permit. 340 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,674 But Ozzy Pawsbourne needs his sunshine! 341 00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:26,802 He has seasonal affective disorder, babies. 342 00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:29,012 Well, then you and Ozzy Pawsbourne 343 00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,306 should've read the dang code. 344 00:15:31,390 --> 00:15:33,517 -Randy, get out of here! -That's enough, Randy! 345 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,186 All right, next up, a non-permitted, 346 00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:40,315 Tim Burton-esque structure made of found objects. 347 00:15:40,399 --> 00:15:41,733 Look, I don't even know why we're hearing this. 348 00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:43,151 Should we all just get lunch? 349 00:15:43,235 --> 00:15:46,405 We all want Thai. 350 00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:48,866 Thai? Thai? Thai? 351 00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:51,577 -Thai? -Is the juice place off the table? 352 00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:53,579 For lunch? Denise! 353 00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:55,205 We get it. You're vegan. 354 00:15:55,289 --> 00:15:57,040 You can find some at the Thai place. 355 00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,917 Come on, let's just deny this and move on. 356 00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:00,210 Wait, hang on a second. 357 00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:01,837 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, 358 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,965 I may not have followed all the rules and regulations 359 00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,800 when I built this structure, 360 00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:10,053 but some zones can't be contained by city laws. 361 00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:12,681 I'm talking about this zone right here. 362 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,808 He means his nipple, baby! 363 00:16:14,892 --> 00:16:17,060 -Randy! That's not what he meant. -Randy, come on, man. 364 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:18,896 No. My heart. 365 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,857 This structure is for my girlfriend's daughter Violet. 366 00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,735 She loves that studio, and I love her 367 00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,905 and will do anything in my power to make her happy. 368 00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:31,158 Now, her father, Don Reynolds, may be rich and handsome... 369 00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:34,536 -Great guy! -He's got that successful pool business. 370 00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:37,748 Oh, he installed my pool. Did a great job. 371 00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:40,042 Denied. 372 00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:44,421 Sorry about that, Wayne, but say hey to Don for us, won't you? 373 00:16:44,505 --> 00:16:46,256 Who's ready for Thai? 374 00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:47,841 -Thai? Thai? 375 00:16:52,638 --> 00:16:57,142 We can't turn your water back on because your payment bounced. 376 00:16:57,226 --> 00:17:00,062 Well, what if we paid you 377 00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:02,940 with something that's even better than money? 378 00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:06,193 This is an authentic Colin Powell Macarena Hug N' Bug. 379 00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:09,196 -Mint condition. -Original tag. 380 00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:12,324 Certificate of authenticity. 381 00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:17,371 Okay, I get it. You can't say the words. 382 00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:19,331 I'll just leave this here, 383 00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:22,543 and now we are turning around, 384 00:17:22,626 --> 00:17:27,297 and now we're turning back around, and... 385 00:17:27,381 --> 00:17:29,508 And the Hug N' Bug is still there. 386 00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:32,386 Mmm, let me show y'all something, okay? 387 00:17:34,263 --> 00:17:36,598 Axl Rose Budweiser Frogs. 388 00:17:36,682 --> 00:17:39,142 The one that was accidentally made with two bandanas? 389 00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,144 Oh, that one is ultra-rare. 390 00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:43,981 The Bug-head who owns this is gonna make a mint. 391 00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,066 Mmm-mmm, no. That's my listing. 392 00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:49,111 I had that thing up there for five years, and not one bite. 393 00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:51,321 Mother, did anyone ever bid against you? 394 00:17:51,405 --> 00:17:52,739 No, no one. 395 00:17:52,823 --> 00:17:56,326 Oh, shoot, y'all. I see what happened. 396 00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:58,829 This is one of those classic "I wasted all our money 397 00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:01,623 "on worthless, flammable toys" situations. 398 00:18:01,707 --> 00:18:03,125 Classic. 399 00:18:06,712 --> 00:18:08,130 I know you can't give me cash, 400 00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:10,591 so maybe you can just do me this one solid? 401 00:18:10,674 --> 00:18:12,718 I'm sorry, Jenny, it just doesn't work that way. 402 00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,511 I can only turn water into wine. 403 00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:16,346 I can't do it the other way around. 404 00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:18,098 And besides, this box is half-empty, 405 00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:19,516 and this one isn't even wine. 406 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,101 It's a rosé-flavored vodka. 407 00:18:21,185 --> 00:18:22,853 Well, can you help me out at all? 408 00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,605 I know the answer's no. 409 00:18:24,688 --> 00:18:29,526 All I can say is I work in mysterious ways. 410 00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:32,446 -Wait, so you'll help me? Who knows? 411 00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:35,949 -Well, that sounds like a yes. Or it could be a no. 412 00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:38,327 Well, see, you can't singsong like that unless it's a yes. 413 00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:41,455 Not necessarily. 414 00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:42,998 Okay, God, this is really annoying. 415 00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:45,334 Or is it mysterious fun? 416 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,172 So this whole thing has to come down? 417 00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,590 I'm sorry, Violet. 418 00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:53,592 I really whiffed it with this project. 419 00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:55,802 I freaked out after I read your comic, 420 00:18:55,886 --> 00:18:58,889 and I wanted you to see that I could be a Brad Pitt Demos guy 421 00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:01,141 and not just a farty old stump. 422 00:19:01,225 --> 00:19:04,019 Oh, Wayne. You didn't finish reading the whole thing. 423 00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:07,648 Demos gets banished into another dimension on page four 424 00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:11,068 and Fort Indigo blows up, but not before your stump grows 425 00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:14,363 into a tree that saves Indigo and helps her find her way home. 426 00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:18,116 Aw. 427 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,868 Okay. 428 00:19:19,952 --> 00:19:22,079 Going over to Bobbie Nell's to try and trade these Bugs 429 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,956 for ten minutes of hose water. 430 00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:26,041 Tell her not to smoke around those things. 431 00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,460 They will full-on bust into flames. 432 00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:31,171 Wayne, you just gave me a great idea. 433 00:19:34,675 --> 00:19:37,678 -Gram, want to do the honors? -You bet your butt I do. 434 00:19:44,852 --> 00:19:47,229 -Oh, my Lord. 435 00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:49,314 There's a bid on the Colin Powell Macarena Hug N' Bug. 436 00:19:49,398 --> 00:19:50,524 $600? 437 00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,192 -Mother? -It's not me. 438 00:19:52,276 --> 00:19:53,819 Well, we got to put that fire out! 439 00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:55,320 We don't have any water. 440 00:19:55,404 --> 00:19:58,448 Wayne, you should get your ass in there and save the day. 441 00:19:58,532 --> 00:20:01,118 Wait. How long have I been thinking again? 442 00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:02,703 -Doodily doopski. -What? 443 00:20:02,786 --> 00:20:04,496 -I'm going in. -No! Wayne! 444 00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:06,164 -Don't! -It's too dangerous. 445 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,417 Be careful, Wayne! 446 00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:11,003 Oh, be careful. 447 00:20:15,883 --> 00:20:17,634 -Yeah! Yeah, yeah! 448 00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:24,266 Oh, it's beautiful! 449 00:20:26,727 --> 00:20:28,061 Okay. 450 00:20:28,145 --> 00:20:29,605 -Everybody ready? -Mmm-hmm. 451 00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:32,191 -Yep, y'all. -One, two, 452 00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:34,526 let it flow! 453 00:20:34,610 --> 00:20:35,611 Whoo-hoo! 454 00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:38,864 Water, I could kiss you. 455 00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:43,243 Jason Momoa as my witness, I will never turn this water off. 456 00:20:43,327 --> 00:20:44,786 I'm gonna take a four-hour shower. 457 00:20:44,870 --> 00:20:46,205 Someone time me. 458 00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:49,208 Okay, I'm gonna flush one more time, and then we really got to quit playing, 459 00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:51,168 'cause we do not want to run up this water bill again. 460 00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,962 Did we ever find out who bought that one Hug N' Bug? 461 00:20:54,046 --> 00:20:57,716 I have no idea, but thank you, "four-star-baller69?" 462 00:20:59,218 --> 00:21:00,844 Whoever you are. 463 00:21:05,766 --> 00:21:08,435 Colin, Colin, stop admiring your collection 464 00:21:08,519 --> 00:21:10,103 and come to dinner! 465 00:21:10,187 --> 00:21:11,605 In a minute. 466 00:21:13,148 --> 00:21:15,776 You've seen some real action, my friend. 467 00:21:15,859 --> 00:21:19,029 But you're home now. No Bug left behind. 36096

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