All language subtitles for reba_s05e20_red_alert

Hey, Mom, hide.

Barbara Jean's on her way over here.

I'm not hiding in my own house. She just
got a job selling insurance.

Hide, lock the door, dig a hole.

Yellow!

Okay, your car's here. I know you're
home.

Reba's garage, Reba's house. Here we go.

Yoo -hoo!

Barbara Jean, you can't just let
yourself in any time you want.

I think I can.

So why were you guys hiding?

Because we knew it was you and I'm tired
of running.

Running is good for your health, but it
is very bad on your knees.

It's all right here in my brochure,
insurance and your aging body.

Look at that. We're talking insurance
already.

Barbara Jean. Ah, ah, ah. Call me Agent
Heart. I ensure you won't be sorry.

Barbara Jean, you're here, I'm here. I
can ensure you I'm already sorry.

Okay,

now in this scenario, you've fallen down
a well, gotten hypothermia, broken six

bones, and now you've got to chew your
arm off.

Find that well to jump into.

Well, then you better sign this first
because your old policy doesn't cover

that. Wait a minute.

How do you know so much about my policy?

I read your file. I work for your
insurance company.

My insurance company hired you? Yeah.

Now I've got access to all kinds of
embarrassing information on you.

That is awesome.

No, it's not. There's no telling what
else you'll be blabbing.

That's why it's awesome.

I didn't even know you were looking for
a job. Oh, yeah.

I mean, ever since Brock and I are
having all this trouble with the IRS,

also selling timeshares and intestinal
cleansers.

But that's another day.

I'm looking forward to it. Oh, good.

Well, back to today's business.

Now, Reba, you really, really need to
update your policy.

I mean, when you got the insurance, it
was fine to have such a high deductible.

You were young.

So young.

But that was a long... time ago.

I was young when you started talking.

But, Reba, this is a better policy, and
you could save some money, you know,

almost $300 a year.

Mom, $300 a year is a nice pair of
shoes.

Or ten pairs of the kind you buy.

I don't care. I'd pay $400 just to get
this last hour back.

Goodbye, Barbara Jean.

But, Reba, you have to take it. My job
depends on it. Why?

Well, I have this probationary period,
and I have to make a sale before it's

over. I'm going to lose my job.

Please, Reba, I'm begging you. Oh, come
on, Mom. Help her out. Help her out?

That's all I ever do.

It's like having a giant blonde six
-year -old.

Come on, Mom. You know you're going to
do it. You can't help yourself. You were

just born good.

Cram.

Hi. Hi, Mr. H.

Yes, that's correct.

He's been there for six months.

Why are you watching that women's
channel?

I only stopped on this channel because
it was an ad for bras. What's up, man?

I'm just trying to think of an
anniversary gift for Cheyenne. Ah.

What is it?

I haven't been really watching, but I
think it's some kind of special about

married couples renewing their vows.
Yeah, this one guy, he's in Iraq, and

wife is in Ohio with a newborn.

Born on the day he was deployed.

It's dumb.

Pull it together, Nancy boy.

I need your brain. What are you getting,
Barbara Jean, for your fifth?

Well, since we don't have any money, we
decided not to give each other anything.

No, we're just going to spend the
evening together reminiscing. Should be

romantic.

I'm hoping she goes to bed early.

It's your anniversary. They trained for
weeks for that night.

I just feel like every time I turn
around, I got to do something to prove

love. Yeah, showing you care can be a
real pain in the butt.

Yeah, I don't know why women make such a
big deal out of this stuff. It's like

they got a love virus.

Yeah, Coach used to warn us about those
when we were on the road.

Whoa, hang on, buddy.

They're about to tie the knot again.

Oh, man.

Yeah. Guys in the Army have it made.

Helmets, boots, they're just naturally
romantic.

Listen, I think renewing your vows would
be romantic even without the boots.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I
should enlist!

No! No! You and Cheyenne should renew
your vows.

That's perfect.

She'll love that. It'll show how
enlightened I've become. How sensitive.

boy.

Good workout, Ma? Oh, I haven't started
working out yet.

Threw something out when I was putting
on my tank top.

You know, Mom, I think it's great that
you're getting healthy and everything,

but your insurance physical isn't less
than two hours.

Your body just is what it is.

Thanks, Cheyenne.

Who's that?

Jane Fonda.

Oh, is that that old lady in the
Jennifer Lopez movie?

Forget it.

Can't do it anyway without my leg
warmer.

Oh, hey, Mrs. Bates. It's good to see
you.

Am I going somewhere?

Of course not. Not unless you want to.
There you go.

What you doing?

Text message.

William Marketmy.

Did you send that?

Would I have to spell it out for you,
Cheyenne?

Yes, please.

Will you marry me?

Yes, and I'll have your baby, too. Oh,
wait!

I'm asking you to marry me again for our
fifth anniversary. So you're proposing

to me by text message? Yeah.

Pretty futuristic, huh?

Yeah, the future's lame.

I mean, look, man, I think if you
propose to someone, you should do it a

bit more romantically.

All right.

Okay, that's not what I meant.

Well, what do you want, woman?

Well, I just, I don't know.

It's supposed to be different, something
unique. I want to be surprised.

Proposing was a lot easier when all I
had to do was get you pregnant.

Is there a doctor in the house?

There is now.

Reba, this is Dr.

Castleman, and he'll be examining you.
And no, he won't be buying you dinner

first.

I'm sorry, Doc. I'm putting her at ease.

Really? Because I'm getting a headache.

Yeah, you have to learn to block her
out. I use earplugs and liquor.

Is there someplace I can wash up? Yeah,
kitchen's right in there. Thank you.

Liquor's in the cabinet.

Come here.

What? Okay.

Now you're going to have to give a urine
sample.

So I got little Henry to give me a
specimen.

Pure as the driven snow.

And believe me, it was not easy. I mean,
the kid can hit the bathroom ceiling,

but try getting him to aim in a cup, you
know.

Take it. It'll keep your rates low. Get
that away from me. No, just take it.

Just take it.

Okay,

Mr. Tartt.

You'll just take a seat here.

We'll slip this around you here.

There we go. We'll get your blood
pressure.

Well, you know what, Doc? I'm sure that
Reba's blood pressure is just terrific.

I mean, the two things everyone who
knows Reba talks about, she's got good

pressure and urine as pure as the driven
snow.

Mrs. Hart, according to this reading,
you have high blood pressure.

Extremely high. Like way high.

Way.

I don't see how that can be right.

Well, are you upset about something? Is
there something that's really bothering

you? Something that's making you
incredibly tense?

I don't think so.

Okay.

Barbara Jean, for the hundredth time,
would you please quit snapping your gum?

Sorry.

a day, woman.

Wait, but that is just silly. You cannot
get high blood pressure from just

sitting near someone.

Well, actually, yes, you can.

There's quite a few studies to prove it.

They've also proven that certain people
can give other people headaches.

So you're saying...

Well, no, I'm fairly certain it's a
temporary condition.

Sometimes blood pressure can be returned
to normal by simply removing the

irritant. Or irritating person.

So are you saying I can't be around
Barbara Jean because of doctor's orders?

Well, I'm saying the only way to find
out is to avoid contact with her for a

couple of days and then we'll check
again.

to stay away from my very best friend in
the whole wide world?

And when she got up this morning, was
her hair up or

down? You know, because if it was up,
that means she didn't take a shower,

could be a sign of depression, which
she's apt to slip into without me

Don't worry about Mom. I'm sure that
this is as hard for her as it is for

I know it is.

That's why I knitted her a scarf and
then I rubbed it on myself.

Give it to her to smell, okay?

Okie dokie. I'll put this with the rest
of them.

Look, Barbara Jean, don't worry about
Mom. She's going to be okay. She's a

trooper. I know she's so sad.

You know, I can feel it.

This is the best day. Hey, she has gone
away. Hey, all I did was pray. Hey,

nothing left to say. Hey!

Hey, are you feeling better? Because
it's your lookout.

Mom, can you try and not act so
thrilled? I mean, this is really hard on

Jean. I know, but it's so easy on me.

She cannot come in. Hey!

All I do is grin. Hey! She cannot
commit. Hey! All I do is finally win.

Hey!

Hey,

Cheyenne. I need to talk to you.

It's important. That's why I didn't text
message it.

Look, this is not going to be easy for
me, so I'm just going to come right out

with it. Okay, Van, if this is the start
of another proposal... Stop.

Listen.

This isn't easy for me.

Remember when I took that business trip
to Dallas last month?

Yeah? I met a woman.

A wonderful woman. Maybe the hottest
woman in North America.

Wait, what? Let me finish. And I didn't
want to tell you because I thought it

was a brief flirtation, but it turned
into more.

I love her, Cheyenne, and I think we're
going to get married.

Psych!

You said you wanted to be surprised.

How's that for a surprise?

Now will you marry me?

You better run.

Is that a yes? Wait, no, you're the
hottest woman in North America!

How'd your marriage proposal go? Did
your wife say yes? No.

I tried to surprise her like she said.

I told her I fell in love with a hot
young girl.

And she actually got mad.

Yeah, Van, I think maybe you should try
a more conventional approach.

Well, I don't think that way, Mr. H.

I think outside the box. It's what my
generation calls fresh.

Listen, some of the traditional stuff
really works. I mean, for instance...

You could rent a bicycle built for two.

Oh, yeah, then we could ride it down to
the Pony Express Station.

It's the 21st century. Think, old man.

All right, look, there's tons of stuff.
I mean, there's candlelight, there's

soft music, big gestures.

You know, the stuff that they see in all
those romantic movies.

King Kong.

I could dress up like a giant ape and we
can go ice skating.

No, Van, Van, King Kong is not a
romantic movie.

Hello, gentle love story between a
misunderstood ape and a hot young

You know what a great movie is? An
officer and a gentleman. Okay, when

Gere showed up in those dress whites,
right, and all the factory workers

applauded and he swept up the love of
his life in his arms and he carried

Deborah Winger away.

It was dumb.

Okay, so, how's your week been without
Barbara Jean? Been the best week of my

life. Well, that's good. Yeah.

But it's also bad, because it means that
you do have high blood pressure.

Oh, no, really?

Well, not to worry, though.

It's very common, and it's very
treatable.

But I suggest that you speak to your
family doctor about it.

Okay, Doc. Now, this is very important.

Is there any other reason why I might
need to ban Barbara Jean from my life?

Well, there's no medical reason, but as
a physician, I would recommend you keep

plenty of booze on hand.

Okay. Thanks, Doc.

Bye. Bye -bye.

So... Barbara Jean, you almost scared me
to death.

Sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I just wanted to say that as awful as
this has been for me and as much as it

hurts, I've been doing some thinking and
if I'm making you tense, if I'm

endangering your life, I will leave you
alone forever.

So am I the cause of your high blood
pressure?

Yes. Yes, you are.

Oh.

I guess I'll be gone.

Can I have a lock of your hair?

Barbara Jean, it's not you. Well, not
entirely you anyway.

Really?

So I'm back in your life?

Yeah. I'm going to go get a drink. Oh,
good. I'll join you.

I'm back in your life. Hey, I will never
leave.

help me, miss?

Sure. What kind of soup is this? It's
tomato.

Oh, I can't have tomato soup. It's bad
for my stomach.

Oh. Did you put a little vodka in it?

Oh, cops!

Run! Everybody calm down. I'm not an
officer of any kind.

Has anyone seen Cheyenne?

She's in the kitchen, but she's keeping
the vodka to herself.

Tell me you did not join the Salvation
Army.

No. I'm recreating a very romantic
movie. Put that soup down. I'm taking

of this place.

What?

Cheyenne? Yeah?

Will you marry me again?

Yes, my back.

Answer me.

Yes, yes, yes, of course.

Now, I haven't seen this movie, so how
long am I supposed to carry?

This is Rosengown.

Catch a fresh episode of Charmed.