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Thanks again.
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00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:12,380
So, Jake, what do you think about the
high -definition television?
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It's the most beautiful thing I've ever
seen.
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Wait till you turn it on.
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It's here.
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Oh, thank the Lord.
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This is the best thing that's ever
happened to me.
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Besides you, honey.
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Dan, you do not have time to watch TV.
Go change your shirt. We're going to be
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late for my class.
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Cheyenne, I do not want to go to some
stupid husband panel. We have a flat
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screen, high definition TV.
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I finally have something to grow old and
get fat in front of.
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00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:01,140
Dan, it's for my sociology class and I'm
getting graded on it.
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The grade you own your husband?
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Well, they're grading on a curve.
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You know what men really want for
marriage?
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I can't really tell you in front of your
mother.
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Van, you're going.
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All right, fine. You know what men
really want for marriage?
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A high -definition flat -screen TV!
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Reba, I need your help. I am desperate.
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Oh, not now. I'm gonna go watch Dr.
Phil's big old Charlie Brown -sized head
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hide there.
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our tax returns?
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Yeah, what's the problem?
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I've been doing all of our tax returns.
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Here, take a look.
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Well, right off the bat, I'd tell you to
stop doing the I heart the IRS stuff.
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It makes you look desperate.
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I am desperate.
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Oh, Reba, I'm going down.
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I'm headed for the big house.
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Barbara Jean.
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Promise me, Reba, if I get sent to
prison, you will do something to get
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prison, too. And then we can break out
like on that show.
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You're going to have to get the layout
of the prison tattooed on your body, so
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you're going to need to gain some
weight. Okay.
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Oh, God.
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Calm down.
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Oh, I love how tough you are.
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00:02:28,350 --> 00:02:30,850
When we're in prison, I'm still going to
be your girlfriend.
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00:02:37,710 --> 00:02:41,950
Barb Jean. Yeah? They only send you to
jail if you lie on these forms.
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Not because you put glitter all over it.
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I would never knowingly lie.
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So if I just made these mistakes because
I don't know what I'm doing, I should
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be okay, right?
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Yes, you should plead dumb.
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Trust me, after they talk to you for a
little while, they'll let you off.
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Heck, they'll probably even pay for your
ride home.
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00:03:03,540 --> 00:03:04,540
All right, Dr.
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Phil, polish up that old bald head of
yours.
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00:03:09,860 --> 00:03:12,540
Even if we didn't go to prison, I'd
still so be your girlfriend.
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Reba,
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we're back.
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Just like a cold sore.
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That's a reoccurring mosquito bite.
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00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,660
The audit went great. You are going to
love yours.
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What do you mean?
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Brock, go.
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00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:06,320
Oh, yeah, well, it's a funny thing,
really. It seems like once they take a
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00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,800
at your returns, they get all excited
and they want to go back even further.
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How much farther?
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00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:15,280
Yeah, it's a funny thing, really. Wow,
is this new?
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00:04:15,540 --> 00:04:16,940
Brock. Yeah.
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00:04:18,060 --> 00:04:20,880
The last three years of our marriage,
you and I are being audited.
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Wait a minute. We got divorced.
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Didn't you get the audits and the
settlement?
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00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:32,440
Reba, you've got nothing to worry about.
I'm sure that your returns are in
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order. That's right, Reba. As far as you
know, everything's fine.
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Last time you said everything's fine, I
heard Barbara Jean giggling in the
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background.
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Do you remember that time? That was
so... Well, anyway, look.
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It's really no big deal.
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00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:51,460
You remember when Harry, my friend from
dental school, set up that charity for
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us in the Cayman Islands?
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How come I never met Harry?
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00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:54,979
Oh, you haven't?
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00:04:54,980 --> 00:04:58,660
Oh, well, we'll have him over for dinner
in three to five years anyway.
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00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:03,640
Turns out that was more of a charity for
the people who donated to it than it
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was for the poor Caymanians.
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00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:08,040
So the charity was a scam?
83
00:05:08,260 --> 00:05:14,340
Scam is such an ugly word. No, it was
more of an illegal tax shelter. And I
84
00:05:14,340 --> 00:05:15,940
out as soon as I found out, but...
85
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,420
The thing is, I never paid the money
back, and I never told you about it
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00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:20,940
you're so big on the truth and
everything.
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00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,020
How much? That's not a lot. Hardly
anything.
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00:05:24,620 --> 00:05:28,380
So sell something and pay it back, like
that tanning bed you claim not to have.
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00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,580
It's a rental.
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00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:37,280
Anyway, I gave the money I saved to a
real charity, Reva. I made it as right
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00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,540
I could, but this is the IRS that we're
talking about.
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00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:44,200
You don't tell them that you scam, that
you sheltered money from them.
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They will crawl into places you didn't
even know existed.
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He's right, Reba.
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He can't go to prison.
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00:05:51,230 --> 00:05:53,270
Although it would be nice for you to see
Harry.
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Reba, promise me that you won't say
anything. Trust me, you do not want to
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00:06:02,170 --> 00:06:03,170
up this can of worms.
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00:06:03,350 --> 00:06:07,230
I'll think about it. Now go home and tan
up. I need you looking good for the
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00:06:07,230 --> 00:06:08,230
audit.
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00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:21,770
Welcome, everyone, to I Do Is Forever,
Marriage from a Man's View.
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00:06:22,210 --> 00:06:24,990
This seminar is forever, and I wish I
had a view of the game.
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00:06:25,750 --> 00:06:32,470
Thank you,
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00:06:32,490 --> 00:06:35,110
everyone, for writing all of your
questions for our panel.
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00:06:35,570 --> 00:06:37,950
Now let's meet our happily married men.
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This is Van Montgomery, happily married
to me, taken.
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00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:45,850
And that's Herman, and that's Doug, and
they're married to other women. Okie
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dokie.
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00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:50,400
First question. First question, why am I
here?
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This one is for the cute one.
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00:07:02,980 --> 00:07:04,280
Well, that's got to be me.
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00:07:06,780 --> 00:07:07,780
Thank you, ladies.
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Remember, ladies, these men are married,
especially Dan.
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00:07:12,740 --> 00:07:15,520
All right, the question is, how did you
meet your wife?
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We met in high school.
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Well,
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thanks again.
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They like me.
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Okie dokie.
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00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:31,500
Next question.
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For the hot one.
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Me again. Sorry, Doug.
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00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:46,310
What is your wife's worst trait? Okay,
that's a good one. Van?
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00:07:47,530 --> 00:07:49,450
Ooh, that's a tough question.
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I'm going to have to say, I can't tell
which of her eyes are prettier.
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Aww.
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00:08:04,270 --> 00:08:06,990
Yeah, if any charming ladies.
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00:08:08,250 --> 00:08:12,370
But remember, we really do need complete
honesty in order for the panel to be
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00:08:12,370 --> 00:08:13,570
helpful. Okay.
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00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:21,160
When did the really hot guy know that
his wife was the one? Okay, you guys,
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00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,620
is ridiculous. Okay, I'll take over now.
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Let me tell you a story how I proposed
to my wife.
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I rented a hot air balloon.
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Hot air balloon.
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00:08:38,159 --> 00:08:44,220
And as we hovered over the field, I
pointed down there.
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And carved in the crops were the words,
Will you marry me?
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And I handed her a glass of champagne
with a diamond ring the size of a
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cockroach.
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And then she fainted.
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00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:12,420
So I picked her up gently and kissed her
softly on the lips.
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And when she awoke, she said the words,
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I will.
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I will.
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Oh, my God.
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All right, I'm ready. That is enough.
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00:09:23,950 --> 00:09:26,170
He's a goon and he is a liar.
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00:09:26,570 --> 00:09:30,870
He didn't propose to me. You want to
know how he knew I was the one Maureen?
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When he asked me to homecoming and I
said, oh, okay, but don't forget to buy
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a corsage.
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00:09:45,420 --> 00:09:47,240
and I looked into her gorgeous left and
right eyes.
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Next question. Yeah.
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How are you getting home?
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Ladies.
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Hey,
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guys. Sorry I'm late.
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00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:11,580
Here. I took some pictures of other
people's children for you to claim as
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dependents.
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Kid may require some explanation.
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00:10:18,740 --> 00:10:22,020
Well, you knock it off, Barbara Jean.
Everything will be fine as long as Reva
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doesn't say anything.
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00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,780
I've thought about it, and I'm not going
to lie.
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00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:26,100
What?
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This is the IRS.
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00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:28,900
You have to lie.
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00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,220
Do you have any idea what they could do
to us?
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00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:34,420
You said it wasn't going to be that much
money.
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00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:37,100
Yeah, well, see, here's the funny thing.
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00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,960
It could be a tad more than I led you to
believe.
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00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:46,230
Do you ever stop lying? Well, it wasn't
a lot of... Initially, but what with
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00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:47,870
penalty and interest, it would be a ton.
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00:10:48,210 --> 00:10:54,650
How much is a ton? Well, it would put
you in a huge hole and Barbara Jean and
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might lose the house.
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00:10:55,630 --> 00:10:56,630
What? Brock,
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you never told me we could lose the
house.
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I can't live under a bridge.
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Not again.
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00:11:07,990 --> 00:11:11,330
Brock, how could you do this? How could
you let this get to a point where it
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00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:12,510
would cost everybody so much?
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00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:16,020
Only if they find out, if you get on
board, none of that's going to happen.
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00:11:16,020 --> 00:11:16,899
not lying.
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00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:20,780
It's bad karma. It follows you around.
That's why you've had such a lousy life,
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Brock.
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00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,320
She's babbling and turning pink. She's
going to rat us out?
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00:11:25,180 --> 00:11:30,360
Will you two stop beating on me? That's
their job. Now, look, Reba, just let me
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00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,420
do all the talking, okay? All you have
to do is smile and nod.
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00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:35,680
Well, you are a better liar than I am.
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00:11:35,940 --> 00:11:38,700
I just wish you were more likable. Okay,
everybody just shh.
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All right?
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00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,000
The wolves have ears.
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Trust no one.
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00:11:46,210 --> 00:11:48,610
For all you know, I could be wearing a
wire.
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00:11:49,330 --> 00:11:51,750
Well, actually, I am under here, but
it's just a lift instead.
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00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:52,970
Oh, boy, you stop.
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00:11:53,470 --> 00:11:54,470
Hi,
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00:11:56,690 --> 00:11:58,290
my name is Asian Miller. Come in.
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00:11:58,790 --> 00:12:00,410
Smile or not, smile or not.
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00:12:01,630 --> 00:12:03,470
Hey, Asian Miller.
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00:12:06,110 --> 00:12:09,790
Hey, I'm just going to go out there
and...
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00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,020
She's fine. We're fine.
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00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:27,800
Good.
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00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:31,920
I'll be working with Mrs. Hart, and Dr.
Hart, you'll be down the hall with Agent
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00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:33,020
Fung. Fung?
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00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,800
But I thought we were going to do this
together. I mean, you didn't separate
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00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:37,800
Barbara Jean and me.
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00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:41,640
It's just our policy with divorced
couples. They're always so eager to tell
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00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:42,640
each other.
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00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:47,720
Plus, when there's nothing to hide, no
one minds.
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00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:50,920
Oh, well, there's certainly nothing to
hide.
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00:12:51,380 --> 00:12:52,380
Right, Reba?
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00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:58,760
Dr. Hart, will you come with me? Is this
going to take long? How long have you
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00:12:58,760 --> 00:12:59,760
got?
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00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:03,740
Oh,
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00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,540
fun just kills me.
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00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:20,560
So, Mrs. Hart, before we get started, I
have to tell you that the...
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00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:25,220
IRS is a lot more lenient if the
taxpayer comes forward with any issues
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00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:28,460
problems. I'm sure there aren't any, but
I have to tell you that, okay?
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00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:29,780
Mm -hmm. Oh.
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00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:35,340
We've been over everything, and it
mostly seems to be in order.
219
00:13:35,580 --> 00:13:38,760
Okay. But there is one tiny area of
concern.
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00:13:39,060 --> 00:13:41,320
Oh? You probably know what I'm talking
about.
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00:13:42,660 --> 00:13:43,820
Cayman. What?
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00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:47,520
Cayman.
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00:13:48,860 --> 00:13:50,480
Okay, man, lay it on me.
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00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:59,260
I'd like to talk to you about 1998.
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00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:01,080
I was drunk that whole year.
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00:14:03,940 --> 00:14:05,560
Try to think back.
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00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,880
Did you work for Dr. Hart full -time?
228
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:14,020
Yeah. According to this, you worked for
your husband full -time, and yet he only
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00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,500
paid you minimum wage.
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00:14:16,170 --> 00:14:20,230
Was there any compensation paid under
the table? Oh, no. No, he's just cheap.
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00:14:20,470 --> 00:14:22,030
Mm -hmm. He looks cheap.
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00:14:23,910 --> 00:14:25,890
Anyhow, that's the only problem we had.
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00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:33,410
Great. So, you just sign here, and we
send it off for one final review, and
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00:14:33,410 --> 00:14:34,189
you're done.
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00:14:34,190 --> 00:14:35,190
Super great.
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00:14:37,970 --> 00:14:38,970
Miller!
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00:14:51,210 --> 00:14:52,210
did Fong say?
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00:14:52,930 --> 00:14:54,950
Oh, just IRS -y stuff.
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00:14:56,210 --> 00:15:01,390
Oh, before you sign, if there is
anything that you knowingly and
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00:15:01,390 --> 00:15:04,670
omitted and you sign this, the penalties
of perjury apply.
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00:15:06,850 --> 00:15:07,850
Perjury?
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00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:09,550
Mm -hmm.
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00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:16,310
So, is there anything you left out?
Something you might suddenly remember
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00:15:16,310 --> 00:15:17,310
you might want to share?
245
00:15:17,510 --> 00:15:20,650
Something your ex -husband may have
filled to Fong?
246
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:40,400
Since those ladies at your seminar love
me so much, I should write a book on how
247
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,560
to be the perfect husband.
248
00:15:42,940 --> 00:15:43,940
Ha!
249
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,840
You should write a book. You should call
it I'm a Perfect Liar. And I met a girl
250
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,240
and they made up stories about how I met
her so I could impress stupid college
251
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:51,240
girls who are just stupid anyway.
252
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,540
Well, it doesn't leave a whole lot of
room in the cover for my picture.
253
00:15:58,840 --> 00:15:59,840
Here's my book.
254
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,860
I married a hot jerk.
255
00:16:03,780 --> 00:16:04,780
Oh, I get it.
256
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,200
You're a little jealous because I got
all the attention.
257
00:16:07,660 --> 00:16:09,500
I'm so not jealous.
258
00:16:09,780 --> 00:16:12,320
Oh, please. A perfect husband can read
his wife.
259
00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:16,260
Why did you have to lie, man?
260
00:16:16,460 --> 00:16:18,900
Is the truth about our lives really so
awful?
261
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,380
Honey, what are you talking about?
262
00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:27,460
I just felt like you had to make up some
fantasy about what our life is like
263
00:16:27,460 --> 00:16:28,660
because you're so ashamed of it.
264
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:32,120
Cheyenne, I made up a fantasy because
that's what I wish had happened.
265
00:16:32,620 --> 00:16:35,660
Not because I'm ashamed of it, because
you deserve a memory like that.
266
00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:41,100
You deserve to be proposed to in a hot
air balloon. Not, what? You're pregnant?
267
00:16:41,140 --> 00:16:42,140
What are we going to do?
268
00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:48,180
Really? Yes.
269
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:49,600
That's why you lied?
270
00:16:49,780 --> 00:16:55,740
Honey, the only thing I feel bad about
our relationship is that I haven't tried
271
00:16:55,740 --> 00:16:57,040
to make it a hundred times better.
272
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,720
Did you really mean that thing about not
knowing which one of my eyes is more
273
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,400
beautiful? Because I kind of think that,
too.
274
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:19,520
I meant it all.
275
00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:23,720
Oh,
276
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:37,100
man,
277
00:17:39,060 --> 00:17:40,200
I really should write a book.
278
00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:01,920
So, uh, how'd it go with Agent Miller?
279
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:03,240
Fine.
280
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,000
How'd it go with Agent Fung?
281
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:06,320
Fine, fine.
282
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,700
So, anything you want to tell me, Reba?
No.
283
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:13,680
Anything you want to tell me, Brock?
284
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:16,779
Tell you?
285
00:18:16,780 --> 00:18:21,520
Uh -huh. Oh, let me think, let me think.
Yeah, yeah, there is one thing. You
286
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,900
sang like a bird, didn't you? What?
287
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:27,820
No, you're the rat. Anything to save
your own skin, huh, Brock?
288
00:18:28,090 --> 00:18:32,410
Oh, cut the act, Reba. It was you. You
should have seen the look on Fung's face
289
00:18:32,410 --> 00:18:34,170
when he was talking to Miller on the
phone.
290
00:18:34,390 --> 00:18:35,109
Mm -hmm.
291
00:18:35,110 --> 00:18:37,670
Mm -hmm. Oh, the very interesting.
292
00:18:38,030 --> 00:18:40,350
No, no, no, no, no. Horse feathers.
293
00:18:40,610 --> 00:18:44,310
My gal didn't call your guy. Your guy
called my gal, talking about how you
294
00:18:44,310 --> 00:18:47,350
down there spilling your guts. Oh, I
didn't say anything, I swear.
295
00:18:47,570 --> 00:18:49,810
I didn't say anything either, I swear.
Oh, wait a minute.
296
00:18:50,030 --> 00:18:51,750
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
297
00:18:52,510 --> 00:18:53,510
It was a trick.
298
00:18:53,930 --> 00:18:56,370
It was a trick. They were trying to get
us to believe the other one was
299
00:18:56,370 --> 00:19:00,490
confessing to try and break us. So
neither one of us talked about the
300
00:19:00,490 --> 00:19:01,870
thing? I didn't. I didn't either.
301
00:19:02,110 --> 00:19:06,150
Oh, that means we're okay. We did it.
Oh, I always knew I could trust you,
302
00:19:07,670 --> 00:19:08,670
Hello.
303
00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:13,270
Oh, Agent Miller.
304
00:19:13,470 --> 00:19:14,470
Miller time.
305
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,880
We owe the government $75 ,000.
306
00:19:31,140 --> 00:19:33,180
What? What are you talking about?
307
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:36,440
Back taxes, penalty, and interest!
308
00:19:36,940 --> 00:19:38,140
$75 ,000!
309
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:40,320
I don't understand.
310
00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:43,480
We didn't tell them anything.
311
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,400
How did they find out?
312
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,680
Hey, it's David Gallagher. You can catch
a fresh episode of 7th Heaven this
313
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:10,880
Monday on WGBH.
24634
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