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1
00:00:04,430 --> 00:00:05,670
Guess who's here?
2
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Drum roll, please.
3
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Wow, I didn't hear you coming out the
driveway.
4
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You would have given me time to hide.
5
00:00:18,270 --> 00:00:19,570
Oh, we don't play it outside.
6
00:00:19,790 --> 00:00:21,450
That would be rude to the neighbors.
7
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Henry, you're a little loud.
8
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Isn't he cute? Make sure he practices,
Reba.
9
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Practices? Won't you go practice in the
living room, honey?
10
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:35,420
Barbara Jean, what were you thinking?
11
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Why didn't you just bring him over here
with a set of bagpipes?
12
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Reba, drummers get the chicks.
13
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I guess the band took a little break.
14
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I wasn't yelling. I was just trying to
be heard over the drum solo.
15
00:02:07,950 --> 00:02:11,050
Well, you're very tough when you're
picking on a four -year -old, Reba,
16
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Why don't you try picking on me, all
right? I'm not scared of you.
17
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Okay, maybe a little.
18
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Look, he wasn't listening. I was just
trying to give him a little discipline.
19
00:02:24,470 --> 00:02:26,790
Yeah, well, you don't get to. He's not
your son.
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You discipline Jake.
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00:02:28,370 --> 00:02:30,370
Well, of course I do. Jake is my
stepson.
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00:02:30,830 --> 00:02:32,230
Technically, you're nothing to Henry.
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is he here in my house why are you here
in my house if i'm nothing to the both
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of you why are you always here well
we're here because we like you well i'm
25
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sorry okay if you're going to keep
coming over here and who are we kidding
26
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are then i need to be able to do
something about henry's behavior fine
27
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insist you do what we do in our house we
reason with henry
28
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You reason with him? Yes.
29
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I'm guessing he wins most of the time.
30
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It's not about winning and losing.
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I mean, if I stuck my fingers in my ears
and held my breath, I'd probably win a
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lot, too.
33
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:19,220
Oh, Barbara Jean, I hear that same song
and dance from the parent of every kid
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that acts like a brat.
35
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Brat? Yeah.
36
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Okay,
37
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so now you're calling Henry names. So
you're a yeller and a name caller, but
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Henry's the problem.
39
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,040
No, no, no, no, no.
40
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,890
I'll tell you what the problem is. The
problem is...
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00:03:34,890 --> 00:03:41,830
Great. That's
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just what your brain needs, less oxygen.
43
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What time is it?
44
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Guy time!
45
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Two men doing men things, getting the
primal thing going. So what is on the
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agenda today?
47
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Something I guarantee you've never done
before.
48
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,620
Dwarf tossing. Is it dwarf tossing? You
did not run a dwarf!
49
00:04:07,660 --> 00:04:13,160
I have something a little more dignified
in mind, Van. We are going to a day
50
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spa.
51
00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:18,060
Yeah, right.
52
00:04:18,660 --> 00:04:21,000
What are we going to do? Get our nails
done?
53
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:26,980
Yeah. Manicure, pedicure, massage. They
call it the gentleman's fancy.
54
00:04:35,380 --> 00:04:41,280
Mr. H, I know this question is a little
late in our relationship, but are you
55
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gay?
56
00:04:44,380 --> 00:04:47,100
Men can care about their appearance,
too.
57
00:04:47,580 --> 00:04:51,660
You know, and we should be secure enough
in our masculinity to spend the day
58
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getting pampered.
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00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:57,460
Yeah, but Mr. H, I need to do something
that can get rid of all the tension and
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aggression that builds up during the
week. I mean, when I used to play
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I would get all my frustrations out.
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Then I got married.
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00:05:06,570 --> 00:05:10,650
I had to bury it down deep. That's why I
need to go bowling or toss a dwarf.
64
00:05:12,230 --> 00:05:13,230
Trust me, Van.
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The spa experience will change your
life.
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00:05:18,170 --> 00:05:19,170
Huh?
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00:05:22,110 --> 00:05:23,730
All right. All right.
68
00:05:24,750 --> 00:05:27,810
But they don't mess with your hair, do
they? Because Julio would scratch my
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00:05:27,810 --> 00:05:28,810
out.
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00:05:33,470 --> 00:05:35,890
Jake, didn't I tell you you can't have
your bat in the house?
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00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:37,400
But what if we're attacked?
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00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:40,800
What if I tan your head?
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Then I can fight you off with my back.
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Put it outside.
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Ding dong!
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Yes, you are.
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00:05:56,860 --> 00:05:59,680
Clever! What would you have said if I
would have said knock knock?
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00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:01,100
I would have said you're a ding dong.
79
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:05,360
No drum, huh?
80
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That is correct.
81
00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:10,150
This time, Henry is going to act like a
little gentleman.
82
00:06:10,450 --> 00:06:13,910
But just to be sure, I am going to give
him a gentle reminder.
83
00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:17,730
Observe the Barbara Jean method of
parenting.
84
00:06:21,430 --> 00:06:26,130
Yo, remember Henry, the notorious S .O
.C., the first pop of the hip -hop says,
85
00:06:26,350 --> 00:06:29,250
yo, yo, yo, you gotta put your best foot
forward.
86
00:06:35,790 --> 00:06:39,830
No is the bad word. That is why Mommy
doesn't say it. Okay, so why don't you
87
00:06:39,830 --> 00:06:40,830
just say maybe?
88
00:06:41,210 --> 00:06:44,250
Okay! No! Okay, just run along the
floor, all right?
89
00:06:47,570 --> 00:06:48,570
What's wrong with you?
90
00:06:51,130 --> 00:06:52,770
Nothing's wrong with her, you rude lady.
91
00:06:54,990 --> 00:06:56,330
You're hurting me.
92
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You smell like Brock's feet.
93
00:07:01,850 --> 00:07:04,010
I am making discipline fun.
94
00:07:04,620 --> 00:07:09,240
See, I communicate with Henry using
puppets and hip -hop. I call it be good
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00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:10,240
the hood.
96
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:17,480
Behave.
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You're bananas.
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00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:25,700
Makes fun, but it works.
99
00:07:26,140 --> 00:07:29,020
See, if he behaves for a day, he gets a
blue sticker.
100
00:07:29,220 --> 00:07:31,960
And with seven blue stickers, he can
trade it in for a star.
101
00:07:32,170 --> 00:07:35,830
sticker. And with four star stickers, he
gets to be the mommy for a day.
102
00:07:41,870 --> 00:07:45,670
Well, my daddy used to swat me with a
switch. And if I talked back, I got
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00:07:45,670 --> 00:07:47,030
upgraded to two more swats.
104
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,170
Well, that explains the temper.
105
00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:57,390
No, Barbara Jean, that explains why when
my daddy told me to do something, I did
106
00:07:57,390 --> 00:07:59,150
it. But that is so old school.
107
00:07:59,470 --> 00:08:04,160
But there's a whole new... loving world
of parenting out there. No, no. There's
108
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,600
a whole world full of out -of -control
kids because their parents don't tell
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00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:08,199
them no.
110
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,140
Well, Henry is not out of control.
111
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:12,840
Henry did it!
112
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Tell your puppet to get a br -br -br -br
-br -broom.
113
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:25,460
Okay, boys.
114
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,440
What happened?
115
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:31,240
I was trying to put my bat outside, and
Henry grabbed it from me and swung it at
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me. By the way, strike one.
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Oh, Henry, why would you do that?
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00:08:39,460 --> 00:08:41,940
I didn't do it. Oh, Henry.
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00:08:42,340 --> 00:08:46,540
Reba, I am so sorry. I am going to
handle this right now. Thank you.
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00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:47,800
Okay.
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00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:49,020
Come here.
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00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:56,300
Now, Henry, Mommy loves you, and we're
still going to go get ice cream.
123
00:08:58,530 --> 00:09:05,250
But if you ever do this again, I'm going
to have to take away a blue sticker.
124
00:09:05,650 --> 00:09:08,550
Okay, now you consider this your first
lamp warning.
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00:09:13,110 --> 00:09:14,810
First lamp warning?
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00:09:15,970 --> 00:09:18,290
He did something bad. He should be
punished.
127
00:09:18,610 --> 00:09:22,070
Reba, that is not the way to handle
this.
128
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:26,620
the statistics show that punishment does
not work, your way only encourages
129
00:09:26,620 --> 00:09:27,680
violence. Violence?
130
00:09:28,780 --> 00:09:31,160
He just beat my lamb to death with this
bat.
131
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,620
And if he ever does it again, he'll get
the proper sticker penalty.
132
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:41,840
Get out.
133
00:09:41,860 --> 00:09:43,960
What? Get out and take Chucky with you.
134
00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:57,750
He is just a child. You cannot blame him
for something like this. Oh, I don't
135
00:09:57,750 --> 00:09:58,910
blame him. I blame you.
136
00:09:59,730 --> 00:10:01,870
Bad behavior comes from bad parenting.
137
00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:03,410
Okay, you don't mean that.
138
00:10:03,610 --> 00:10:05,590
I mean that, and I mean this, too. Time
to go.
139
00:10:07,210 --> 00:10:08,390
Okay, well, I'm not leaving.
140
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:12,470
I'll give you till the count of three.
One. We need to talk about this. Okay,
141
00:10:12,630 --> 00:10:13,890
I'm not a child. Three.
142
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,640
Okay, you know what? We are out of here.
That's the idea.
143
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,180
Jake, have you seen the glue?
144
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:47,040
Elizabeth broke Mom's picture frame, and
she's so mad about the lamp, I know
145
00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:47,939
she's gonna freak.
146
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:49,300
So tell her Henry broke it.
147
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:50,500
That's what I did.
148
00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:51,960
What? Yeah.
149
00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:54,340
I broke the lamp. Henry took the fall.
150
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Sweet.
151
00:10:58,300 --> 00:10:59,259
Hey, guys.
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00:10:59,260 --> 00:11:00,900
Mom, Jake broke the...
153
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,100
to rat me out.
154
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:09,220
Jake, why would you do that?
155
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:12,480
Henry never gets punished anyway, so I
figured why not blame him?
156
00:11:12,980 --> 00:11:15,020
He gets ice cream, I don't get punished.
157
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:16,520
It's all good.
158
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:20,020
No, it's not.
159
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,340
Because you're grounded for a week for
breaking the lamp and another week for
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00:11:23,340 --> 00:11:24,860
lying to me. Two weeks?
161
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,500
I have Josh's birthday party next week.
162
00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:28,700
You shouldn't have lied to me.
163
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:29,840
It's not fair!
164
00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:32,660
You keep mouthing off at me, young man,
you won't see your birthday.
165
00:11:37,199 --> 00:11:39,860
Yeah, and I hate that I have to
apologize to Barbara Jean.
166
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,080
What'd you do to Barbara Jean? Oh, I
spanked her.
167
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,920
What happened to my picture frame?
168
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,320
Jake broke it.
169
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:02,620
Hey.
170
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,020
So you did the warm milk bath, huh?
171
00:12:05,260 --> 00:12:06,260
How was that?
172
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:14,140
Hey, did you know if you pass gas and
milk, the bubble takes, like, forever to
173
00:12:14,140 --> 00:12:15,140
reach its surface?
174
00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:21,360
You should try it in a mud bath. I don't
even know where it goes.
175
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,640
Oh, I'm really starting to get into
this, Mr.
176
00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:29,240
H. Good guide time selection.
177
00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:31,300
Thanks, pal. Hey, you know what?
178
00:12:31,820 --> 00:12:33,260
You can start calling me Brock.
179
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,000
Really? Yeah.
180
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,840
Oh, I guess I could try that.
181
00:12:41,740 --> 00:12:43,040
Brock. Sounds weird.
182
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:46,740
You'll get used to it. No, I mean, you
have a weird name.
183
00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:49,400
Sounds like a parrot.
184
00:12:50,140 --> 00:12:51,140
Brock.
185
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,100
Brock!
186
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,000
See?
187
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:59,400
I'm so relaxed that it doesn't even bug
me. Like a bird that warns of danger.
188
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:00,680
Brock!
189
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,300
Brock! Yeah, okay, man. Hey, hey, hey.
190
00:13:04,340 --> 00:13:05,700
All right. Come on.
191
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:06,960
Oh.
192
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:08,440
Oh.
193
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,040
Van, one night ride, isn't this great?
194
00:13:11,420 --> 00:13:13,180
Oh, you know, I have to admit it.
195
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:18,240
I have kept my masculinity intact, and
my skin is glowing.
196
00:13:20,180 --> 00:13:21,420
I look like a god.
197
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,580
Yeah, and you haven't even had the
massage yet.
198
00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:29,060
Okay, I'm Robert. I'll be your masseur.
199
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:35,940
Thanks for running a little bit late,
guys. Make yourselves comfortable. I'll
200
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:36,940
right in. All right.
201
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:41,620
Hello? I thought we were going to have
women rub us.
202
00:13:42,060 --> 00:13:44,200
No. No, guys are stronger. True.
203
00:13:44,460 --> 00:13:45,480
They're also guys.
204
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:51,180
Van, trust me. Look, you just admitted
that I've been right so far. Besides,
205
00:13:51,340 --> 00:13:54,220
what are you afraid of? That if a guy
rubs your back, you'll turn gay?
206
00:13:54,940 --> 00:13:55,940
No.
207
00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:57,660
But what if I like it?
208
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:01,359
Who's first?
209
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:04,440
Him? No, no, no, Van. You go. Hank is my
guy.
210
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:06,720
Okay, then.
211
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:10,370
Any problem, Harry? No, no, I just
needed to lie down. Thanks, Rob. Van.
212
00:14:12,290 --> 00:14:14,270
Look, give him the deep tissue shiatsu.
213
00:14:15,030 --> 00:14:16,650
What? Yeah. Hey, hey.
214
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:20,950
Can we just... Oh!
215
00:14:24,310 --> 00:14:25,370
Oh, there's the spot.
216
00:14:27,370 --> 00:14:31,010
Yeah, you know what? I'm going to have
Hank do a little extra on my upper back.
217
00:14:31,190 --> 00:14:33,550
I mean, my shoulders are all knotted up
from picking up Henry.
218
00:14:34,170 --> 00:14:35,210
You know, kids are funny.
219
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,280
When I pick up Henry and then I pick up
Elizabeth, she feels like a feather.
220
00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:43,720
Yeah, she's just a little bit of a
thing, huh? She's cute as a button.
221
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,220
So is Henry, though.
222
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,160
We're lucky to have such great kids.
223
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,380
I can't imagine life without them.
224
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:54,540
But you know, they're lucky too, Van.
They've got two great dads who love
225
00:15:06,090 --> 00:15:07,090
Excuse me.
226
00:15:07,470 --> 00:15:08,870
Are you crying?
227
00:15:09,130 --> 00:15:10,130
No.
228
00:15:10,750 --> 00:15:12,310
Well, you don't have to stop rubbing.
229
00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:16,330
I'm sorry.
230
00:15:16,730 --> 00:15:19,590
I just always get choked up when I hear
people talk about their kids.
231
00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:23,030
It's like the one thing in my life I
really feel like I'm missing.
232
00:15:23,450 --> 00:15:26,050
Yeah, well, you're young. You've got
plenty of time yet.
233
00:15:26,270 --> 00:15:27,270
Oh, I want to adopt.
234
00:15:27,710 --> 00:15:34,430
But Peter worries it'll be too hard for
a child to grow up with gay parents.
235
00:15:38,030 --> 00:15:39,030
But look at you two.
236
00:15:40,930 --> 00:15:41,930
Rock.
237
00:15:44,190 --> 00:15:50,810
I mean, I realize people can be hurtful
and ignorant, but we have so much love
238
00:15:50,810 --> 00:15:51,810
to offer a child.
239
00:15:53,750 --> 00:15:55,830
Meeting a gay couple, we're so happy.
240
00:15:56,630 --> 00:15:57,670
Like a miracle.
241
00:15:59,390 --> 00:16:01,450
You guys are perfect.
242
00:16:09,629 --> 00:16:12,550
Robert, we're not exactly perfect.
243
00:16:13,030 --> 00:16:14,230
Yes, you are.
244
00:16:14,710 --> 00:16:17,030
You're perfect because you love your
children.
245
00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:19,890
That's all anybody needs to do.
246
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:22,690
God bless you.
247
00:16:24,030 --> 00:16:26,850
Yeah, well, right back at you, Robert.
248
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:30,630
Oh, and it's so great that you two still
find time for each other.
249
00:16:31,210 --> 00:16:33,170
That's the key to a good relationship.
250
00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:36,690
Peter and I call that our guy time.
251
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:49,460
Officer, I'd like to report an assault.
252
00:16:50,180 --> 00:16:52,840
My husband's ex -wife spanked me.
253
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:59,260
Well, she's a redhead and I'm a blonde,
but... What does that have to do with
254
00:16:59,260 --> 00:17:00,260
anything?
255
00:17:02,060 --> 00:17:03,080
She's here. Send help.
256
00:17:07,220 --> 00:17:09,280
It's okay, Barbara Jean. I'm here to
apologize.
257
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:13,880
Well, an apology won't take the red
marks off my snowy white bottom.
258
00:17:15,470 --> 00:17:18,470
Oh, come on. We both knew that the
spanking was coming sooner or later.
259
00:17:19,730 --> 00:17:23,329
But you didn't deserve it today because
apparently Jake was the one that broke
260
00:17:23,329 --> 00:17:24,329
the lamp.
261
00:17:25,550 --> 00:17:31,750
Really? Yeah. As painful as it is for me
to admit to you that I was wrong, then
262
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:32,750
it is painful.
263
00:17:33,850 --> 00:17:34,850
Very painful.
264
00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:39,350
I just think it's right that I be very
honest with you. You deserve that.
265
00:17:39,670 --> 00:17:40,670
Oh.
266
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:41,810
Yeah.
267
00:17:42,190 --> 00:17:45,730
And I'm going to start giving Henry the
benefit of the doubt because I'm sure
268
00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:48,690
that it was Jake that did most of the
stuff that I've been blaming Henry for.
269
00:17:51,050 --> 00:17:52,050
Oh, Reba.
270
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,870
Oh, this is why I'm on my clothes smell
like Barbara Jean.
271
00:17:57,170 --> 00:17:58,170
Oh,
272
00:17:58,710 --> 00:17:59,710
you don't understand.
273
00:18:00,350 --> 00:18:01,350
Jake's an angel.
274
00:18:02,130 --> 00:18:03,190
Henry is the devil.
275
00:18:05,690 --> 00:18:06,690
What?
276
00:18:07,730 --> 00:18:10,870
Oh, he's done tons of awful stuff at
your house that we blamed on Ben.
277
00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:16,980
flowing toilet, the oven, the dent in
your car.
278
00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:20,500
Henry did that? With his head.
279
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:24,620
And he steals.
280
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,080
Reba, here.
281
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:30,960
Here's that earring you've been looking
for. I put it back three times, but he
282
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:31,960
keeps taking it.
283
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:37,060
Barbara Jean, you need to do something
to Henry when he misbehaves. You have to
284
00:18:37,060 --> 00:18:40,020
discipline him with something other than
blue stickers.
285
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,120
Well, the blue stickers are for when
he's good.
286
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,980
The red stickers are for when he's bad,
although I'm thinking of getting rid of
287
00:18:44,980 --> 00:18:45,980
the stickers altogether.
288
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,000
You know, I might just give him money.
289
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:52,160
You need to be firm with him, mean
almost.
290
00:18:52,580 --> 00:18:53,820
Yeah, but then he won't like me.
291
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,080
Would you listen to yourself?
292
00:18:55,580 --> 00:18:58,400
You're not supposed to be your kid's
friend. You're his mother.
293
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:00,800
It's your job.
294
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:05,660
Do you think Jake is very happy with me
right now? He did something wrong, and I
295
00:19:05,660 --> 00:19:08,040
had to punish him. I had to be strong.
296
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:10,800
Even though he...
297
00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:12,340
Told me he hates to be with me.
298
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:17,540
Reba, Jake didn't mean that. Well, the
fact of the matter is, my little man is
299
00:19:17,540 --> 00:19:18,680
very mad right now.
300
00:19:19,060 --> 00:19:24,500
And although I know it'll pass in time,
it's a very hard thing to hear.
301
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:27,460
Reba, it's okay.
302
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,700
I'm okay. Just let it out. I know.
303
00:19:47,850 --> 00:19:50,710
know how much it hurts when he's mommy
for the day and he tells me no.
304
00:19:54,510 --> 00:19:58,810
Why is being a mother so hard?
305
00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:01,770
I don't hate it. You know, I love it,
but I hate it.
306
00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:04,770
He's awake.
307
00:20:19,180 --> 00:20:21,080
Wins is next on the WB Friday.
24053
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