All language subtitles for reba_s05e01_where_there_s_smoke

Howdy ho, Reba.

I made you a bun cake for your party
tonight.

The Germans call it bunt.

Oh, that's funny, Germans.

So, what time should I be here tonight?

The cake can stay, but you gotta go.

This party is business, as in, none of
yours.

Yes, but like so many things, I've made
it my business and prepared a speech to

give to your clients.

Reba is not just the best real estate
agent in town.

She's also my best friend.

I do not know what I would do without
her.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and I
thank God that her husband made a pass

me.

I bet God really loves to hear from you.

Hey!

Oh!

Cheyenne, how was your 12 -step meeting?

Uh, Reba, those meetings are anonymous.

She's not supposed to talk about them.

Oh, no, no, no. I can talk about my
meetings, and they're going really well.

mean, like, really, really, really well.

I don't know why, but I don't feel the
need to drink at all.

So how was your day?

Give me that thing.

What do you think you're doing? I'm
smoking. Look, it's no big deal. I'll

before it affects my looks.

I'm a little more worried about your
health and the health of everybody

you.

Well, almost everyone.

I do not think smoking is that bad for
you. I think tobacco's a vegetable.

Cheyenne, take it from me.

It is not worth it. I mean, sure, you
look cool and sophisticated.

You know, especially if you got a
sterling silver case and a holder like I

Wait, you used to smoke?

Pack a day.

And I'm telling you, smoking makes you a
social pariah.

Nobody wants anything to do with you.

Are you sure they knew you smoked?

Uh -huh, Fraulein.

Okay, look, I know it's bad for me, but
it helps me not want to drink.

Honey, if you're having a hard time with
this, maybe I shouldn't have this party

for my clients. I mean, there'll be a
lot of drink in there. No, Mom, look, I

told you, I cannot live in some fake
world and pretend that alcohol doesn't

exist.

I just need to smoke right now to help
me get through this.

Look, let's work something out.

Cheyenne, I'm sure if you quit smoking,
Reba will let you have a snort now and

then.

No! She will not smoke and she will not
drink.

As for you, you can smoke and drink. Go
skydiving for all I care.

I bet she's the life of Oktoberfest.

We'll be right

back.

Oh, Van Good, I'm just finishing you up
a grocery list. Sorry, don't have time.

I've got our party later on, and I still
have to work on my conversational

pieces.

Conversational pieces?

Hey, it's hard work being witty.

And I don't want to step in my tongue
like the last party. I don't know why

pregnant women get so touchy when you
ask them when they're due.

That's because she wasn't pregnant.

And she wasn't a she.

Well, I'm pretty sure he was wearing
maternity pants.

Hey, look, Cheyenne's going through some
stuff. Yeah, I know, I know. Watch her

like a hawk.

I was going to say. Be supportive. I
know. I got it. Man, you take stuff so

seriously. Stop it.

It's just that I'm worried that she's
having a harder time with all this than

thought she would.

Now, we need to be aware and pay
attention to what she's going through.

Man, Mrs. H, life does not have to be a
constant.

Look at me. I'm Reba.

What obstacle do I have to overcome
today?

Just go with it, man.

Man,

Cheyenne, your

mom's got a bug up her nose.

She's all over me, how I should be
watching you like a hawk and what a

time you're going through.

I'm Reba. You know how she is.

Wait, why?

Why are you supposed to be watching me?
Was she asking about my drinking again?

Yeah, like I don't pay attention.

I should have been, look, red.

I'm her husband.

I got this.

I know what she's up to, but I didn't.
You know why? Because I'm afraid of her.

You know, this is really starting to get
on my nerves.

I mean, you admit that you have a
problem, you take the steps to deal with

and then all of a sudden everybody
treats you like you're a completely

person. You know?

Why?

Can't everyone realize that I'm just the
same old Cheyenne as I always was?

Exactly. I realize it because I'm aware.

Hey, can I have one of those vitamins?

Give me a Wilma and a Dino. You know
what? I had a Dino yesterday. Make it a

Barney. No, Dan, those vitamins are not
for you.

Are those chick vitamins?

Will I grow boobs? No.

Okay, I'm going to tell you something,
but you cannot repeat it.

It's called disulfiram.

You're right. I can't repeat that.

Prescription medicine for alcoholics.
Makes you violently ill if you drink

alcohol. A pill that makes you sick if
you drink?

Well, doesn't that ruin drinking?

What's the point?

It's called booze away.

Oh, cool.

Yeah. I know that if I have one of
these, I can't have a drink.

So why are you hiding them from your
mom?

Because I don't want her to find out.

She's been on my case about everything.
She's always snooping around, looking

for signs of trouble. So promise me,
man, if she asks you as far as you're

concerned, those are just vitamins.

Got it.

Thank you, honey.

Have you always smoked?

Hey, guys. Look, it's about Cheyenne.
You know, I think we should all be

impressed that she hasn't had a drink in
two weeks.

Hey, I haven't peed in six hours.

But when somebody gives up something
like Cheyenne has done, well, sometimes

they do other things, things that we
might wish they weren't doing.

Like what?

Well, like, for instance, smoking.

Smoking what?

Cigarettes.

I just wanted to make sure that you guys
weren't going to look at Cheyenne

smoking and think, oh, wow, she looks so
cool. Maybe I should try that.

Oh, man, that last sip taught me off.

Did you honestly think I'd start smoking
just because Cheyenne is?

You know, I just didn't want for you to
be curious about cigarettes and for that

to lead to you trying.

Here, you want to take a look?

I've seen them before, Dad.

These are nasty little buggers.

I know how seductively things can be,
Kira.

I used to smoke.

I didn't know that. Oh, yeah, yeah. I
quit before Cheyenne was born. I haven't

smoked since.

Good for you.

You know, you might find yourself in a
situation where somebody offers you one

of these things.

I have.

That's when I use that powerful just
-say -no technique.

Just smell that tobacco, they might say.

Thanks for the advice. You can throw
those away now.

You're darn straight I'm throwing them
away.

Because smoking is bad and evil, Kira.

Bad and evil, I tell you.

Geez, Mrs. A, you sure did get a lot of
booze. Well, Van, a lot of people feel

uncomfortable at these business -type
get -togethers.

So a few drinks kind of help break down
the barriers.

That way they can relax and get right to
their conversational pieces.

It is hard work being witty.

Oh, look, there's Cheyenne's purse.

You know, I'm halfway tempted just to go
through it to make sure she got rid of

those stupid cigarettes.

Oh, who am I kidding?

You know, I'm just doing this because
I'm trying to protect her.

Well, I care. She goes through your
purse.

Nope, no cigarettes, just a bottle of
vitamins.

Vitamins? No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.

And what are you doing?

These vitamins are for women.

Then I'm a woman.

Don't you have special vitamins for
people your age? You know, for bone

Seriously, Mrs. H, you don't need these
vitamins. You look terrific.

I'm serious. You're hot.

If I wasn't married to your daughter, I
would totally... Ah, stop it!

Look, Van, we're fixing to have a party.
And I don't have time for these silly

games. Come on.

All right, I'll tell you what.

If you can snatch this out of my hand
before I close...

Probably won't be needing my
conversational pieces.

In our real estate dealing, Van and I
focus on being positive. Like I always

say, if life gives you lemons, make
yourself a screwdriver.

Whoa!

Hey. Van, what are you doing?

I think this bottle of vodka is bad.

Yep, it's flat. Let me get you a fizzy
one.

Dan, where have you been? I need your
help.

What are you doing?

Trying to keep your mom from drinking
this vodka.

You could just pour it down the drain.

Yeah, I could.

Wait, why are you trying to keep mom
from drinking?

Because before the party, your mother
snooped through your purse, found your

bottle of booze -away pills, thought
they were vitamins, and took one.

Now, if she takes a drink, she's going
to blow like Mount Rushmore.

You have to tell her. Now?

In the middle of her big party? I can't
pound this whole bottle of vodka. I

barely got down the scotch.

Look, man, if I tell her, I'm just going
to get some big old lecture.

We'll just keep her from drinking, okay?
Keep your mom from drinking?

Have you even seen her at parties? It's
like she's sponsored by Smirnoff.

Wait, she's got wine.

As I was saying, Van is my son -in -law.

And I thought, well, I'll just bring him
in to work with me. And he's been doing

a really good job. Ah, shoot!

Van!

Oh, my gosh. Is that my gum?

Here, let me get it out.

Wine's a little corky. You should
probably switch to juice.

I'll just have a beer.

I think we're out. No, there's one right
over there. Excellent!

Your spot is Mrs. H. Good eye.

Good eye.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Like I said, we're out.

Well, if anybody wants a beer, we can
just squeeze Van.

If you'll just pardon us just for a
second here.

Van, what's wrong with you?

I'm a little buzzed there, Redster.

Look, Mom, we found out that alcoholism
is hereditary, which means you could

easily get it from me.

I appreciate your concern, but I have to
give a speech, and I don't have

anything to toast with.

Just say you'd like to make a toast, and
then hold up a piece of bread.

You see, booze doesn't make the
charming.

Humor does.

Move.

Everyone, pardon me.

I'd like to thank you all for coming out
today.

You know, real estate isn't about houses
and land. It's about people.

And Van and I feel like our clients are
the best darn people in all of Houston.

So, cheers.

Yes, they do.

Real estate's also about

family.

It's family.

togetherness you know and um it looks
like someone starting their own family

'am when are you due angie is not
pregnant so

everyone cheers cheers

so stick around have a great time

relax enjoy yourself

And when you go home tonight, think
about who... Think about who put you

there.

Think about... Oh, God, excuse me.

Well,

this has given us a lot to think about.

with canola oil?

What?

No, of course not.

Oh, you mean that?

Yeah.

Yes, yes, I did.

You mind telling me why you just sprayed
yourself with canola oil?

They say it's very good for the skin.

And every time I walk into a room today,
you are spraying yourself with

something.

Cook and spray.

I find that odd.

And it makes me want to ask you a
question.

Oh?

What's her name?

Whose name? The skirt you've been
running around with? The one whose

you're trying to cover up? Is it that
tramp Kathy Tillman? Oh, God!

Oh, Barbara Jean, look, there's nobody.

Oh, you liar!

Barbara Jean, look.

It's... I've been... Smoking.

Smoking? Yeah.

Who got you hooked on smoking?

That tramp Kathy Tillman? Barbara Jane,
think.

What would I need with another woman
when I have these?

Honey, this is not okay.

We have two children living in this
house. You cannot smoke. This has got to

stop. It will. It will, I swear. You
know, I'm just going to finish this pack

and then I'll... Rock.

Fine.

I'll go to the store and get some
patches.

And, honey, I'm sorry I got so crazy
back there.

And just so you know, Kathy Tillman is
one of my nearest and dearest friends.

Oh, I'm so embarrassed.

Don't worry, Mrs. H. I told everybody
you've been drinking all day.

Sam, your breath is making me nauseous.

Right back at you. Oh.

Dan, leave Mom alone and quit breathing
on her. She's sick.

I don't understand it. I was feeling
terrific.

Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.

I mean, you eat right, you work out, you
take your vitamins.

Knock it off, Dan. Oh, I'm just making a
little joke. She has no idea what I'm

talking about.

What are you talking about?

Oh, I'm not telling. Not telling, not
telling.

Seriously, he'll be mad.

Jan, what is he talking about? Tell me
right now. All right.

All right. Clearly the hens need some
time to cluckety -cluck.

This rooster's going to be upstairs.

What's he talking about?

Okay, you're probably not going to think
this is funny now, what with all the

vomiting and stuff, but when you feel
better, I promise you, you are going to

see the humor.

Step it up, Cheyenne. I'm about to wreck
your blouse. Okay, here's the thing.

That vitamin that you took earlier,
well, it's not exactly a vitamin. It's

called booze away, and it makes you sick
if you drink alcohol.

And I didn't realize how sick, so boy,

that is a warning.

So you take a pill so you don't drink?

What do they think about that down at
the meeting?

Oh, okay, about the meetings.

I stopped going.

Cheyenne, why would you stop going to
the meetings? Well, because I had to.

They got a bell.

What?

Well, you used to be able to talk about
yourself for as long as you wanted, and

everyone had to listen.

But now, when they think you talk too
long, they ring a bell on you.

And I'm the only one they do it to.

Oh, honey, I'm sure it just seems that
way.

Oh, they call... getting Cheyenne.

Well, what are those people thinking?

The whole point of having the meeting is
so you'll talk about your drinking.

Okay, well, that's not exactly what I
talk about.

Okay.

What is it you do talk about?

I talk about lots of stuff. You know,
like...

Shopping and makeup and shoes. American
Idol.

Cheyenne, it's a 12 -step meeting, not a
slumber party.

Why don't you talk about the drinking?

Well, because that's embarrassing.

Really? More embarrassing than getting
Cheyenne'd?

Look, I just want this to be over.

I know you do, honey.

But it's going to be a struggle and
something you're going to have to deal

for the rest of your life.

Well, thanks for the pep talk.

I'm through giving you pep talks.

You're going to have to stop taking the
easy way out.

So I'm supposed to go to those meetings
and have them ring a bell on me? If

that's what it takes to get you better,
then yes, ma 'am, you're going to have

to do it.

Fine.

I'll go. But I'm going to start by
telling them how mean my mom is. Okay.

Diane.

I need you.

I need you to come upstairs with me and
clean the lamp that I broke.

Why is this bed so high?

Why are there so many pillows?

I'm so excited that I'm going to go back
to my meeting tomorrow, and I cannot

wait because I have so much to talk
about.

Which reminds me, I've got to take out
an outfit.

I was shopping at the mall today at my
favorite store, and I saw this really

cute pair of pants.

I mean, they were a little trashy. Not
trashy on me, but trashy on other

It turns out they didn't even have my
size.

You know what?

It is so cool that I can talk to you
about stuff like this since I can't talk

about it at my meeting anymore.

I totally forgot to tell you.

We were walking through the mall and
this girl came up to us and she wanted

to take pictures of Elizabeth because
she said she was...

It's Fran Drescher.

Don't miss the season premiere of Living
with Fran right at the Reba.