All language subtitles for reba_s04e14_reba_the_realtor

You eating cookies?

Somebody was.

I'm putting these back.

Hey, Mrs. H, what's for dinner?

I got fired from my job today.

What happened?

Did your boss sexually harass you?

Did he call you tooth or honey or touch
you like this? Because if he did, we are

talking Bitcoin.

No. I called him a monkey's butt.

Ah,

that's okay.

Oh, for future reference, the one moment
of joy that you feel when you tell off

your boss isn't worth it.

Come on, Mom. Look at the bright side.

What bright side?

You're home early.

Come on, buck up, camper.

If anybody knows that there's a brighter
side to losing their job, it's me. And

hey, I didn't lose some crummy office
job.

I lost my life's passion.

And? When my football career went up in
smoke, you told me that just leaves me

open for something better.

Granted, that hasn't happened yet, but
I'm still hopeful.

Yes, Mom, and you should be, too,
because you are talented and fantastic.

Yes, and I want you to march right
upstairs, get in a hot bath, and relax,

because you got nowhere to go except up,
lady.

You're right.

When one door closes, another door
opens.

Thanks, guys.

Love you.

Aw, honey, I really think you lifted her
spirit.

Yeah, well, you better get used to it.

We're going to be carrying that dead
weight for the rest of our lives.

Hey! My roots are planted in the past
Though my life is changing fast

Who I am is who I want to be A single
mom who works too

hard Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands and a heart of...

know what's it pay you know i was
thinking since money's gonna be kind of

around here maybe i could help out see
there's this open mic night at a

club downtown and if my band wins we get
a hundred bucks wait a minute are you

asking me if you can go to a club i'm
asking if i can show my family i care

by playing music in a club no Why not?

Because clubs are seedy and dangerous.

At least the fun ones are.

But music is important to me. I finally
found something I care about. I'm very

happy about that, sweetie. I really am.

But you can't go by yourself, and I
can't go with you.

Fine. I'll be at my house, selling my
guitar on eBay.

Hey. Ben, I need you to do me a favor.
You got it. Anything at all. I need you

to go with Kira tomorrow, because she's
going to play in a contest with her

band. Oh, come on!

No way!

He goes with you, keeps an eye on you,
and brings you back home. Those are my

conditions. Fine. But when I'm a huge
rock star, one of the security guys is

going to babysit you.

This is it. Don't make me do it.

They're not even a real band. They're
posers.

They're like the flag football of music.

Hey, you! offered to help. Yeah, because
I thought you were going to ask me to

do the dishes or something.

Oh, I need you to do the dishes, too.
Oh, come on!

Oh, you poor thing.

It broke our hearts when we heard you
got the booth.

Not that we were surprised.

You've always been full of the staff.

Hey,

I had a great attitude at that job.

Just kept it on the hush -hush.

Well, I baked you this to get you
through the hard times.

Granny calls it pity pie.

Because we give it to people we pity.

And it's pie.

So, have you decided what you're going
to do now?

Oh, I know exactly what I'm going to do.

Remember back when I got my realtor's
license, but then I got pregnant with

Jake? Reba!

Good Lord, do you really think this is
the right time to have another baby?

I'm going to sell real estate.

Yeah, yeah, I do remember that.

I also remember that you had a hard time
getting a real estate job because you

didn't have any experience selling.

Right. But this time, I'm going to avoid
that problem by selling something

first. Well, how in the world are you
going to do that?

Where are you going to find some poor
sap to let you sell his property without

any experience?

Well, do y 'all still have that condo
that Brock was living in during the

separation?

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Say hello to your new realtor.

Me. Say hello to me.

Oh, my gosh. This is a brilliant idea.

You can be Reba the Realtor.

Or, in Espanol, Reba la Realtor.

You don't need that place anymore, and
Barb Jean's been bugging you about

getting rid of it. Come on, give me a
shot at selling it. I love this idea.

Reba can hold the open house, and we'll
get a discount on the commission.

Everybody wins.

Well, wait a minute. I didn't say Reba
Kayete.

Oh, Vanneker, back. You would not
believe how much he complained about

her to that club.

Van, are you okay?

Oh, how is the band?

It was awesome.

It was?

Kira was amazing.

When she first stepped up to the mic,
she was a little quiet, and I thought,

-oh, joke.

But then she smiled and lit up the
stage.

Wait a minute.

Kira smiled?

And lit up the stage? Yes.

And then she was all, hello, Houston,
and we were all, hello.

And then she was like, are you ready to
rock and roll? And we were like, yeah.

And the band started playing, and Kira
started singing, and it was awesome.

We would have won, except there was an
all -girl band called the Bikinis.

Guess what they were wearing.

Yeah, but that's not the worst part.

They weren't an all -girl band.

Welcome. Here you go.

Look around.

Cookies are right over there. Make
yourself at home.

Hey, Reba.

How's it going? Great. Couldn't be
better.

Yeah, I think it could.

Yeah.

Which is why I'm here to help.

Guess what you don't know about me?

That you're actually two crazy people,
one on top of the other? Ha!

Growing up, my daddy owned a used car
lot. And every day after school, I would

stand out front wearing a bear suit and
holding a giant red arrow.

I brought in twice as many customers as
those creepy blow -up dolls.

You know, with... Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. I get it.

Barb Jean, look, I don't think I...

I'm not Barbara Jean.

I'm an interested customer going room to
room, talking the place up. Okay?

Watch and learn.

the big blonde balloon lady.

Well,

keep up the... Ooh, cookies.

Hey, I got some great news. I was going
to tell your wife, but she's nuts.

I got an offer.

Really? A good one? I think it's a good
one. I mean, it's not what you were

asking, but it's... No, I'm not
interested.

You didn't let me finish.

Well, is it more than what I'm asking?
No, but you're not going to get me. Then

I'm not interested.

Brock! Oh, Reba, come on.

I hired you to sell the place, not give
it away.

Look. Anyone can get less money. A good
salesperson can actually get more.

See, this is why I wanted a
professional.

What you want is to get off my last
nerve.

You're asking too much, and that was a
good offer.

So I'm hearing that you are not a good
salesperson. So I'm hearing you're a

monkey's butt.

I'm sorry, what'd you say? Well, maybe
you'd been able to hear me if there were

ears on a monkey's butt.

Okay, why don't you call me that just
one more time? Don't you tell me what to

do, monkey's butt. All right, that's it.

You're fired.

Oh, fine.

You know the three rules of real estate?

Don't work for a monkey's butt. Don't
work for a monkey's butt. Don't work...

going in. Shouldn't you be there?

Nope. Your dad fired me.

What? What happened?

I had him a great offer, but your father
was too stupid to accept it. And after

I told him so repeatedly, he fired me.

You just can't work with some people.

So you argued with him?

Well, honey, sometimes you have to argue
with them.

Otherwise, they'll go on thinking
they're right.

I can't believe the luck I've had this
week. Well, did you ever think that

it wasn't luck? Maybe it's you.

for you, Elizabeth, this year.

So Grandma can't use her big people
words.

Do you remember what you told me when I
told you all the teachers at school were

picking on me?

Good for them?

No.

You said, before I go blaming other
people, I should take a look in the

Cheyenne, have you been waiting three
years for this moment?

Yes. Doesn't feel too good, does it?

Okay, it's nap time for Elizabeth.

Barbara Jean, you're not bringing me
another pity pie, are you? No.

It's a quiche.

In quiche, you're feeling down.

Barbara Jean, I don't need a quiche. I
don't need a pie.

I just need to be alone.

I understand.

Thank you.

Oh, Reba.

You just need... I want you to know that
your being fired was not your fault.

Maybe it was.

Maybe Cheyenne's right.

It didn't matter that that was a good
offer. I should have kept my mouth shut.

But it was a good offer.

Exactly. But I couldn't get him to see
it. And that's my job as a realtor, to

present it in the way that he can accept
it.

Maybe I wouldn't cut out for this.

Reba, he wouldn't have accepted that
offer no matter what it was.

He's never going to sell it. Don't you
get it?

That's his bachelor pad.

Little cave he can scamper off to
whenever things get a little rocky at

Margie, that can't be it. Really?

Well, then why did it take him so long
to put it up for sale?

And why did he ask for such an
unrealistic sales price?

And why did he hire a completely
unqualified amateur to sell the place?

Why didn't I just stop at a bar?

And let's face it, Reba.

He is still not committed to our
marriage.

Margie, I don't think that's what it is.
Well, what else could it be? Off the

top of my head, he's cheap, greedy, and
stupid.

Yeah, but he was all of those things
even when our marriage was good.

Yeah, you're right. He was all those
things when our marriage was good.

There's something...

else, and I'm going to find out what it
is. Well, how would you know how to do

that? Hey, it's my job to know. I'm a
realtor.

In case you didn't know.

Kira enters from stage right.

No.

Kira enters from stage left.

No.

Kira descends from the sky.

You guys have only been practicing for
three hours.

Actually, we were thinking about hitting
a movie. What?

No, movie.

Guys, don't you realize that there are
millions of kids out there trying to

your place on MTV?

I want you to go out there and play
until your fingers bleed.

I'll be out in a minute.

Goldberg, Goldberg, I want to hear those
drums sing, man.

Love you.

I'm sorry it comes down so hard on the
boys, but rock means hard work.

Until we get on the bus, then it's party
time.

Look, Van, I think I'm going to quit the
band.

I just don't know if this is what I
want.

What are you talking about?

Kira, I've seen you up on stage. You
deserve to be up there. You deserve to

descend from the sky.

Now, what's going on? It's the guys.

Are they jealous?

Because they can be replaced, you know.

Every long -haired slacker failing math
wants to be in a band.

It is the guys, but it's not me they
have a problem with.

It's you.

I'm sorry?

They think you're cramping our style.

We started playing music because we love
it, but you're just turning it into a

job.

They really want me gone?

I should have seen this coming,
especially when you guys wrote that

Lost Van.

Well, anyway, I told them if you go, I
go.

Kira, this is your dream.

And you need to hold on to this with
every fiber of your being.

Tell the guys I'm gone.

You sure?

Yeah, yeah. I should probably start
hanging out with my wife.

Thanks for believing in me.

Thanks for being willing to quit the
band.

Yeah, like I was really gonna quit the
band.

These are the comps that show I got a
better offer than any condo in this

Yeah, better.

You should have listened to me. Should
have listened.

Barbara Jean, I'm telling it. She's
telling it.

I don't care what anyone else got. If I
don't like the offer, I don't have to

take it.

But I like the offer, and I want to take
it. Yeah, she wants to take it. Reba,

I'm telling it.

Honey, look, I don't think you
understand what's going on here.

Oh, I think I do.

You don't want to sell your bachelor
pad, do you, slick?

Why in the world would I need a bachelor
pad? I'm married.

Well, then why?

I... Don't know if I can explain it.
Well, you better explain it. Otherwise,

Barbara Jean and I aren't going to give
you a moment's peace.

Why, Brock? Why, Brock? Why, Brock? Why,
Brock? Why, Brock? All right, all

right. Wow.

We're broke.

What?

We owe more on the condo than it's
worth, all right?

When I started golfing professionally,
I...

I needed some extra income, so I took
out a second mortgage on the place. You

know, I figured I'd start paying it back
when I started winning and stop looking

at me like that. It's very easy to judge
in hindsight.

Well, if this ain't a Shinola sandwich.

Honey, you should have told me.

It's only money.

We can survive this as long as we're not
broke.

Barbara Jean, we are out of money.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

She means it's a metaphor of your love.
Yeah.

Whatever, we're still broke. Stop!
Anyway, until we can come up with enough

money to cover the cost of the loan, we
can't sell the condo. Okay, I'm sorry,

Reba. I never should have put you
through all that.

No, it's all right. It's mostly my
fault.

I should have shot you when I caught you
cheating on me.

Hey, guess what, guys?

I've got great news.

We do have the money.

What? Uh -huh. When I thought we were
getting a divorce, I started hiding some

of our assets.

You were stealing money from me?

No.

I was protecting money from you.

And you're welcome.

That's brilliant.

Why didn't I do that?

Well, exactly how much money did you
protect from me?

Well, exactly how much do we need?

Twenty... five thousand?

Oh, my gosh! What a coincidence!

Oh, wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Does that mean that you're going to take
the offer?

Well, we're going to have to have a
little talk, but yes, I think it does.

yes, I'm looking for a sale.

Hey, you guys don't want to sell your
other house, do you? Move far away.

Oh, Reba, you are such a kidder.

No, I'm serious.

I'd find somebody to buy it. Heck, if I
had the money, I'd buy it myself.

How much do you need?