All language subtitles for reba_s04e03_the_two_girl_theory

Mom, thanks for coming.

She's been like this all day.

What's wrong?

She's really depressed.

Why is there?

She doesn't eat. She doesn't talk. She
just keeps playing that stupid flute.

Poor thing.

Good thing she didn't get that banjo she
wanted.

I don't think she realized how hard it
was going to be after she kicked Dad

Yeah, I know.

I made it look like fun.

I'll talk to her.

Barbara Jean?

Oh, hey, Reba.

What's wrong?

I don't know.

I woke up this morning with no man, no
career, no future.

I'm stuck at home with the kids. My life
has turned into yours.

It's horrible.

Barbara Jean, you need to get off that
couch. I can't.

My entire backside is numb.

My bad. I was supposed to roll her over.

Barbara Jean, you just can't lie around
moping about Brock.

You need to do something to make you
feel good about yourself.

It's fun to go out.

Yeah? Maybe to a bar.

It's been a while since I've been in a
room full of drunken men that just want

to take advantage of me.

That makes me feel good about myself.

Barbara Jean, you can't do that. You're
a married woman.

I'm a separated woman.

And I'm not going to do anything.

I just want to flirt and feel attractive
again.

Will you go with me?

I got a great idea.

Why don't I just tell you you look nice
and then put you in a cab?

Wait, but you have to go with me.

You know, because of the two -girl
theory.

Never heard of it. We have a two -girl
theory at school, but it's about the

girls' field hockey team.

When a woman goes to singles bar alone,
she looks like a loser.

Therefore, she attracts only losers.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

When I was young, I went to bars.

Okay,

tell me about your theory.

When two women go out together, they
attract the hot men because they don't

scream, love me, we're desperate.

You know, unless they actually do
scream, love me, we're desperate.

Which, trust me, Does not work.

Well, since you put it that way... No.

I'm going home.

I don't know, Mom.

Maybe you should go with her.

Going to a crowded bar might be the kind
of boost she needs.

Can't you go with her?

Remember you said if I got overwhelmed
with Barbara Jean, you'd help?

Oh, Kira.

Honey, I didn't mean that.

Okay, Barbagina, I'll go with you. Just
once.

Oh, sweet!

This is gonna be super fun!

This is gonna be outrageous and off the
hook. Can I get a woo -woo?

What are you gonna wear?

A disguise.

with Barbara Jean.

She's going to be in a...

in a cheerful mood. Oh, I had a great
time with Barbara Jean last night. That

one funny gal.

Grandma's still drunk.

Oh, and you know that two -girl theory,
Barbara Jean? It really does work.

And she's like a guy magnet.

I mean, it's just like taking a giant
puppy in there, those big eyes of hers.

Plus, when you do this, she looks every
time.

a bunch of napkins with telephone
numbers written on them. I thought I'd

them in my purse.

Okay, here. You're on. Mom!

Look what Barbara Jean made you.

Reba's cocktail napkin scrapbook!

Look at this.

These are all the guys that want Reba
bad.

I've organized them by hunkosity, but
there's an index in the back that's

alphabetical.

Jean, I can't believe you did all this.
Yeah, well, the alphabetizing wasn't all

her.

Here's that neurologist's number.

Dr. Bob.

Oh, he was cute.

And quite a hiney.

Not as good as Joe the fireman.

Oh, no. They've discovered boys.

Can't you see I'm fixing my fish?

Fine, but I'll have to tell Mom how you
got me in trouble at school.

Oh, like I could do that. I'm not even
in your school.

Remember that stuff you told me? You
know, the talk.

What talk?

Van gave me the talk, and I told
everybody else.

Van gave you the talk talk?

Well, I told him in confidence.

Our next talk?

It's a little something called keeping
your mouth shut.

Jake, go to school.

Van and I need to discuss this.

Fine. But what are you going to say that
Van hasn't already told me?

Really?

Are you crazy?

Van, you can't do stuff like that. That
was for a parent to do.

Well, I feel sorry for him. He doesn't
have a dad.

Keep forgetting.

Oh.

Honey, you have to tell Mom exactly what
you told Jake. Everything.

How would I do that? She'll kill me.

Van, it's the responsible thing to do.

What if someone gave Elizabeth the talk?

I'm not going to do it. I am serious. I
am going to be so mad.

had so much fun trolling for men.

Barbara Jean, we weren't trolling.

They were jumping in the boat. Oh, yeah.

Reba, you and I make a great team.

Hey, we should have team jerseys made
up.

We could call ourselves the two girls,
and guys would come over and say, what

does that mean, the two girls? And I'd
say, I'm not telling.

And then they'd say, what's your name,
sugar? And I'd say, I'm Barbara Jean,

this is Reba. And then we would meet
every eligible man in town, and then

everybody.

and we'd have a huge reputation.

That sounds great, but no shirts and no
reputation.

Reba, if we go into a bar without
shirts, we're going to have a

Hey, Reba, have you seen Barbara Jean?

So where were you last night?

Doing something.

Doing what? I thought we had plans. What
is with all the questions, Brock?

This is like CSI Miami.

Barbara Jean, we were... Oh, I can't
hear you. Detective Forensic David

What was that all about?

Barbara Jean was supposed to meet me for
marriage counseling last night.

Instead, she was out bar hopping.

Oh, this golf buddy of mine is one of
the bartenders over at the Blue Lounge.

Yeah, he said she was cruising with some
slutty friend.

Well, maybe your bartender friend should
stop criticizing his customers and

learn how to make a pink squirrel.

And I'm sure the woman was perfectly
lovely.

Well, who cares about her? She's
probably just some old tramp. No, the

is...

Barbara Jean skipped our counseling
session, which I find really selfish and

inconsiderate. I mean, I'm sitting there
paying some guy a hundred bucks an hour

to feel like a fool. You have no idea
what that's like.

Oh, well, not nitpick, but actually I
do.

Rock, when we were separated, there were
lots of times that you didn't show up

for our counseling.

Well, that's different. I didn't go then
because ours was all about you blaming

me for every little thing.

Rock, I spent hours with that therapist
trying to save our marriage, but you

were off with Barbara Jean.

Well, guess what?

Now I'm off with Barbara Jean. What do
you think about that?

You were out with Barbara Jean? Yes!

I'm the slutty friend! Surprise!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go
put on my war paint.

Because Barbara Jean and I are going to
go out manhunting.

and I'm going out.

Cheyenne, does this outfit make me look
slutty?

No, of course not. You look really nice.
Thank you.

This is age.

Va, va, va, boom.

I'm changing.

Ben, did you tell Mom yet?

Tell me what?

Don't do it, Cheyenne.

told Jake the facts of life.

Betrayed!

He did what?

He gave Jake the talk about the facts of
life, but he didn't want to tell you,

but I thought it was my duty as a
responsible adult.

Well, this is a surprise.

Go after her, Mom. She's scared of you.

Well, Van, all I can say is thank you.

Yeah, I mean, it was really easy telling
my little girls about it, but I think a

boy should hear it from a man.

Excuse me for a minute.

You know, I can't take all the credit.

Two dogs across the street brought up
the subject.

It was the responsible thing to do,
Cheyenne.

How did he take it? Oh, he loved it. He
was laughing. We were high -fiving. It

was awesome.

You kept it age -appropriate, right?

Absolutely. Nothing graphic or anything.

I just explained that I was, like, you
know, wrestling with his buddies, both

girls, and that once you've done it,
it's all you ever want to talk about.

But, Van, he's a kid. You were supposed
to keep it technical and boring.

Rattling makes it sound fun. Oh, don't
worry. I didn't make it sound fun. I

don't even think of it like that.

Excuse me?

Oh, I mean, it's fun with you, honey,
just not with other people.

What other people?

Other people do it, Cheyenne. Just take
a look around the mall.

Why don't you just tell me what you said
to him? Why?

I did it right.

All right, look, if it all makes you
feel better, I'll talk to him again and

tell him it's no fun.

In fact, I'll tell him it's a lot of
pressure and a lot of work, and

I'd just rather read.

We'll talk about this later.

Endlessly.

I don't want you to talk to him. I just
need to determine if I need to talk to

him. No big deal, Mrs. H. We started
with the dogs, and I segued from them to

the birds and the bees. But not for
long, because to be perfectly honest

you, I don't know anything about how the
birds and the bees do it.

Except if they're doing it when they're
flying, it's probably dangerous. That's

why you probably see birds smashing into
windows all the time.

Yeah, thank you.

I've just determined that I do need to
talk to him.

Hey, he's your kid. Yeah, yeah.

I told him I kind of invented it, so...

I

rate that guy a five.

Now he's an eight.

Why are you writing your phone number in
all those napkins?

Trying to beat the rush.

Yeah, because that's... After a couple
of jello shots, my name looks like Robo.

Ooh, they're cute.

Make the puppy eyes.

Come on, Reba.

They're not looking at my eyes.

Make the puppy eyes. Oh, all right.

Hey, uh, I know you. We work in the same
medical building.

I'm Paul. I'm a surgeon on the third
floor. Oh.

Well, that's my mistake, because I've
been getting all my surgery up on the

second floor.

You guys like jello shots? Sure.

We'll be right back. Thanks.

Reba, we should do this every Thursday
night.

Yeah, but then we'd only be getting the
Thursday night crop.

There's a whole week's worth of men to
be harvested down here.

Yeah, but I need something to do on
Thursdays. That's my marriage counseling

night with Brock.

He just makes it miserable for me. Yeah,
I've been there.

I bet he's all, hey, don't blame me. I
didn't do nothing wrong.

I'm Brock. I'm Mr. Perfect.

No, he's more like, we need to talk
about our feelings. We need to work on

thing together.

No, he's not.

Yeah, he is.

He's become really earnest.

And not the funny earnest that went to
camp.

But you know, that don't sound like the
Brock that I know.

Sounds like somebody who's trying.

Yeah, trying my nerves.

Good one, Barbara Jean.

You know, Barbara Jean, this could be
the jello talking, but don't you think

you're being a little hard on him?

Hard on him?

Reba, this is hard on me.

I mean, one day he decides he's not
happy with his life.

Try not to take that personally.

Yeah, but it sounds like he's not
stopping there.

It sounds like he's trying to do
something about it. I think the

help. Well, maybe I don't want to help.

Maybe I want him to know what it feels
like to be left twisting in the wind.

Are you doing this to punish him?

That.

And cutting tiny little holes into all
of his socks.

All right, here we go, ladies.

You know what? We just quit drinking.

What? Yeah, you heard me.

This woman is married, and her husband
is emotionally unstable. Now, shoot.

Reba, what did you do that for?

Look, Barbara Jean, nobody blames you
for being hurt. But when you got

you made a commitment.

Now here you are out having a good time,
avoiding all the issues, instead of

giving it your all and trying to save
your relationship.

Reba, this is my marriage.

And maybe I don't want to fix it.

Okay. But that's a decision you need to
make somewhere where they're not serving

booze that jiggles.

Now let's go.

Fine. But I'm still cutting holes in his
socks.

Actually, I'm single.

You know what's funny?

You never see cats doing that.

What's your name, Brock?

Oh, I wanted to apologize for being such
a jerk.

Which time?

The most recent one.

Barbara Jean called this morning, and
she said that you talked to her about

therapy. That means a lot to me.

Has Barbara Jean agreed to go with you?

She's not sure.

She'll think about it.

Man, I hope she does.

You really are trying, aren't you?

Harder than anything in my life.

Just wish I didn't have to do it alone.

I know how that feels.

You know, Brock, when we were going
through our separation, I thought I'd

you for the rest of my life.

But now that you're going through it, I
feel bad for you.

And I'm sorry.

I really am.

I'm sorry to be rude.

Okay,

that's enough of that.

That was, well, all I can say is my
shrink is going to have a field day with

this.

What do you mean?

You know, the feelings you have for me.

I don't have feelings for you, Brock. I
said I know what you're going through.

That's called empathy.

Come on, Reba. It's nothing to be
ashamed of.

You felt it.

Felt what?

You know, a spark.

A spark?

Of all the egotistical... I'll show you
one moment of kindness and you have the

gold. Whoa, I'm detecting a lot of anger
here, Reba. You think?

You know, excessive anger always covers
hidden feelings. Oh, well, that may very

well be.

But I'm not hiding my feelings. Watch.

I need a jello shot.