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Mom, thanks for coming.
2
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She's been like this all day.
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What's wrong?
4
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She's really depressed.
5
00:00:15,860 --> 00:00:16,860
Why is there?
6
00:00:17,140 --> 00:00:20,520
She doesn't eat. She doesn't talk. She
just keeps playing that stupid flute.
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Poor thing.
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Good thing she didn't get that banjo she
wanted.
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I don't think she realized how hard it
was going to be after she kicked Dad
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Yeah, I know.
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I made it look like fun.
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I'll talk to her.
13
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Barbara Jean?
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Oh, hey, Reba.
15
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What's wrong?
16
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:48,760
I don't know.
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00:00:48,860 --> 00:00:52,000
I woke up this morning with no man, no
career, no future.
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I'm stuck at home with the kids. My life
has turned into yours.
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It's horrible.
20
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:06,000
Barbara Jean, you need to get off that
couch. I can't.
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My entire backside is numb.
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My bad. I was supposed to roll her over.
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00:01:12,860 --> 00:01:15,400
Barbara Jean, you just can't lie around
moping about Brock.
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You need to do something to make you
feel good about yourself.
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It's fun to go out.
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Yeah? Maybe to a bar.
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It's been a while since I've been in a
room full of drunken men that just want
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to take advantage of me.
29
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That makes me feel good about myself.
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Barbara Jean, you can't do that. You're
a married woman.
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I'm a separated woman.
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And I'm not going to do anything.
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I just want to flirt and feel attractive
again.
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Will you go with me?
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I got a great idea.
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Why don't I just tell you you look nice
and then put you in a cab?
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Wait, but you have to go with me.
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You know, because of the two -girl
theory.
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Never heard of it. We have a two -girl
theory at school, but it's about the
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00:02:00,450 --> 00:02:01,450
girls' field hockey team.
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00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:08,340
When a woman goes to singles bar alone,
she looks like a loser.
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Therefore, she attracts only losers.
43
00:02:10,820 --> 00:02:11,820
Oh, that's ridiculous.
44
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When I was young, I went to bars.
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Okay,
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tell me about your theory.
47
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When two women go out together, they
attract the hot men because they don't
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scream, love me, we're desperate.
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00:02:26,260 --> 00:02:29,660
You know, unless they actually do
scream, love me, we're desperate.
50
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Which, trust me, Does not work.
51
00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:38,770
Well, since you put it that way... No.
52
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I'm going home.
53
00:02:40,490 --> 00:02:42,090
I don't know, Mom.
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00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:43,490
Maybe you should go with her.
55
00:02:43,870 --> 00:02:45,930
Going to a crowded bar might be the kind
of boost she needs.
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00:02:47,410 --> 00:02:48,410
Can't you go with her?
57
00:02:50,030 --> 00:02:52,750
Remember you said if I got overwhelmed
with Barbara Jean, you'd help?
58
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Oh, Kira.
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Honey, I didn't mean that.
60
00:03:01,980 --> 00:03:04,620
Okay, Barbagina, I'll go with you. Just
once.
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00:03:04,940 --> 00:03:05,940
Oh, sweet!
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00:03:06,180 --> 00:03:07,800
This is gonna be super fun!
63
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:12,820
This is gonna be outrageous and off the
hook. Can I get a woo -woo?
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What are you gonna wear?
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A disguise.
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00:04:10,860 --> 00:04:11,860
with Barbara Jean.
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00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:13,380
She's going to be in a...
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00:04:55,050 --> 00:04:58,950
in a cheerful mood. Oh, I had a great
time with Barbara Jean last night. That
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one funny gal.
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00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,010
Grandma's still drunk.
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00:05:06,190 --> 00:05:09,570
Oh, and you know that two -girl theory,
Barbara Jean? It really does work.
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And she's like a guy magnet.
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00:05:11,890 --> 00:05:15,770
I mean, it's just like taking a giant
puppy in there, those big eyes of hers.
74
00:05:17,310 --> 00:05:19,610
Plus, when you do this, she looks every
time.
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a bunch of napkins with telephone
numbers written on them. I thought I'd
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them in my purse.
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00:05:29,790 --> 00:05:31,830
Okay, here. You're on. Mom!
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Look what Barbara Jean made you.
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Reba's cocktail napkin scrapbook!
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00:05:39,850 --> 00:05:40,890
Look at this.
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00:05:41,150 --> 00:05:44,770
These are all the guys that want Reba
bad.
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I've organized them by hunkosity, but
there's an index in the back that's
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alphabetical.
84
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:58,520
Jean, I can't believe you did all this.
Yeah, well, the alphabetizing wasn't all
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her.
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00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:03,760
Here's that neurologist's number.
87
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:05,160
Dr. Bob.
88
00:06:05,220 --> 00:06:06,780
Oh, he was cute.
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00:06:07,140 --> 00:06:09,200
And quite a hiney.
90
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,060
Not as good as Joe the fireman.
91
00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:16,040
Oh, no. They've discovered boys.
92
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,760
Can't you see I'm fixing my fish?
93
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:39,360
Fine, but I'll have to tell Mom how you
got me in trouble at school.
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00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,560
Oh, like I could do that. I'm not even
in your school.
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Remember that stuff you told me? You
know, the talk.
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00:06:47,780 --> 00:06:48,780
What talk?
97
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:52,900
Van gave me the talk, and I told
everybody else.
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00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,400
Van gave you the talk talk?
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Well, I told him in confidence.
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00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:00,720
Our next talk?
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00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:03,630
It's a little something called keeping
your mouth shut.
102
00:07:06,950 --> 00:07:08,390
Jake, go to school.
103
00:07:08,930 --> 00:07:10,570
Van and I need to discuss this.
104
00:07:11,110 --> 00:07:14,490
Fine. But what are you going to say that
Van hasn't already told me?
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Really?
106
00:07:18,390 --> 00:07:19,430
Are you crazy?
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Van, you can't do stuff like that. That
was for a parent to do.
108
00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:25,990
Well, I feel sorry for him. He doesn't
have a dad.
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Keep forgetting.
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Oh.
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Honey, you have to tell Mom exactly what
you told Jake. Everything.
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How would I do that? She'll kill me.
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Van, it's the responsible thing to do.
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What if someone gave Elizabeth the talk?
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I'm not going to do it. I am serious. I
am going to be so mad.
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had so much fun trolling for men.
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Barbara Jean, we weren't trolling.
118
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:11,220
They were jumping in the boat. Oh, yeah.
119
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:15,700
Reba, you and I make a great team.
120
00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:19,060
Hey, we should have team jerseys made
up.
121
00:08:20,820 --> 00:08:25,600
We could call ourselves the two girls,
and guys would come over and say, what
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00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:28,020
does that mean, the two girls? And I'd
say, I'm not telling.
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00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:31,820
And then they'd say, what's your name,
sugar? And I'd say, I'm Barbara Jean,
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00:08:31,820 --> 00:08:35,039
this is Reba. And then we would meet
every eligible man in town, and then
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everybody.
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00:08:36,169 --> 00:08:37,230
and we'd have a huge reputation.
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00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:48,650
That sounds great, but no shirts and no
reputation.
128
00:08:50,350 --> 00:08:55,330
Reba, if we go into a bar without
shirts, we're going to have a
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00:08:59,130 --> 00:09:01,990
Hey, Reba, have you seen Barbara Jean?
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00:09:03,090 --> 00:09:04,490
So where were you last night?
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Doing something.
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Doing what? I thought we had plans. What
is with all the questions, Brock?
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This is like CSI Miami.
134
00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:22,940
Barbara Jean, we were... Oh, I can't
hear you. Detective Forensic David
135
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:25,900
What was that all about?
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Barbara Jean was supposed to meet me for
marriage counseling last night.
137
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Instead, she was out bar hopping.
138
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:43,460
Oh, this golf buddy of mine is one of
the bartenders over at the Blue Lounge.
139
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:48,660
Yeah, he said she was cruising with some
slutty friend.
140
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:56,660
Well, maybe your bartender friend should
stop criticizing his customers and
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00:09:56,660 --> 00:09:57,740
learn how to make a pink squirrel.
142
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And I'm sure the woman was perfectly
lovely.
143
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,620
Well, who cares about her? She's
probably just some old tramp. No, the
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00:10:06,620 --> 00:10:07,620
is...
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00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:13,240
Barbara Jean skipped our counseling
session, which I find really selfish and
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00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:16,560
inconsiderate. I mean, I'm sitting there
paying some guy a hundred bucks an hour
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to feel like a fool. You have no idea
what that's like.
148
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:22,140
Oh, well, not nitpick, but actually I
do.
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Rock, when we were separated, there were
lots of times that you didn't show up
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00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:27,200
for our counseling.
151
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,840
Well, that's different. I didn't go then
because ours was all about you blaming
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me for every little thing.
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00:10:32,140 --> 00:10:35,860
Rock, I spent hours with that therapist
trying to save our marriage, but you
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00:10:35,860 --> 00:10:36,860
were off with Barbara Jean.
155
00:10:37,630 --> 00:10:38,630
Well, guess what?
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00:10:38,690 --> 00:10:40,790
Now I'm off with Barbara Jean. What do
you think about that?
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You were out with Barbara Jean? Yes!
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I'm the slutty friend! Surprise!
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00:10:55,430 --> 00:10:58,430
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go
put on my war paint.
160
00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:02,410
Because Barbara Jean and I are going to
go out manhunting.
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00:11:16,940 --> 00:11:17,940
and I'm going out.
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00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:21,440
Cheyenne, does this outfit make me look
slutty?
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00:11:24,140 --> 00:11:27,480
No, of course not. You look really nice.
Thank you.
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This is age.
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00:11:31,940 --> 00:11:33,500
Va, va, va, boom.
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00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:37,360
I'm changing.
167
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:39,900
Ben, did you tell Mom yet?
168
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,099
Tell me what?
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00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:43,100
Don't do it, Cheyenne.
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00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,160
told Jake the facts of life.
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Betrayed!
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00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,400
He did what?
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00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,920
He gave Jake the talk about the facts of
life, but he didn't want to tell you,
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00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:57,160
but I thought it was my duty as a
responsible adult.
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00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:03,060
Well, this is a surprise.
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00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,380
Go after her, Mom. She's scared of you.
177
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,540
Well, Van, all I can say is thank you.
178
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:17,940
Yeah, I mean, it was really easy telling
my little girls about it, but I think a
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00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:19,400
boy should hear it from a man.
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00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:26,500
Excuse me for a minute.
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You know, I can't take all the credit.
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00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,280
Two dogs across the street brought up
the subject.
183
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,900
It was the responsible thing to do,
Cheyenne.
184
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:53,080
How did he take it? Oh, he loved it. He
was laughing. We were high -fiving. It
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00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:54,080
was awesome.
186
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,680
You kept it age -appropriate, right?
187
00:12:58,020 --> 00:12:59,820
Absolutely. Nothing graphic or anything.
188
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,740
I just explained that I was, like, you
know, wrestling with his buddies, both
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00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:07,380
girls, and that once you've done it,
it's all you ever want to talk about.
190
00:13:08,699 --> 00:13:12,160
But, Van, he's a kid. You were supposed
to keep it technical and boring.
191
00:13:12,340 --> 00:13:15,540
Rattling makes it sound fun. Oh, don't
worry. I didn't make it sound fun. I
192
00:13:15,540 --> 00:13:16,560
don't even think of it like that.
193
00:13:19,980 --> 00:13:20,980
Excuse me?
194
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,600
Oh, I mean, it's fun with you, honey,
just not with other people.
195
00:13:28,420 --> 00:13:29,640
What other people?
196
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,900
Other people do it, Cheyenne. Just take
a look around the mall.
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00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:39,900
Why don't you just tell me what you said
to him? Why?
198
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:41,100
I did it right.
199
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,240
All right, look, if it all makes you
feel better, I'll talk to him again and
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00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,240
tell him it's no fun.
201
00:13:45,260 --> 00:13:49,280
In fact, I'll tell him it's a lot of
pressure and a lot of work, and
202
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:50,280
I'd just rather read.
203
00:13:54,060 --> 00:13:55,260
We'll talk about this later.
204
00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:57,580
Endlessly.
205
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:04,500
I don't want you to talk to him. I just
need to determine if I need to talk to
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00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:10,080
him. No big deal, Mrs. H. We started
with the dogs, and I segued from them to
207
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:13,380
the birds and the bees. But not for
long, because to be perfectly honest
208
00:14:13,380 --> 00:14:15,860
you, I don't know anything about how the
birds and the bees do it.
209
00:14:17,060 --> 00:14:20,540
Except if they're doing it when they're
flying, it's probably dangerous. That's
210
00:14:20,540 --> 00:14:23,100
why you probably see birds smashing into
windows all the time.
211
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:25,780
Yeah, thank you.
212
00:14:26,620 --> 00:14:28,820
I've just determined that I do need to
talk to him.
213
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,340
Hey, he's your kid. Yeah, yeah.
214
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,480
I told him I kind of invented it, so...
215
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:49,760
I
216
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:51,060
rate that guy a five.
217
00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,680
Now he's an eight.
218
00:15:02,420 --> 00:15:04,420
Why are you writing your phone number in
all those napkins?
219
00:15:04,660 --> 00:15:05,660
Trying to beat the rush.
220
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,500
Yeah, because that's... After a couple
of jello shots, my name looks like Robo.
221
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,600
Ooh, they're cute.
222
00:15:15,220 --> 00:15:16,220
Make the puppy eyes.
223
00:15:16,980 --> 00:15:17,980
Come on, Reba.
224
00:15:18,260 --> 00:15:19,600
They're not looking at my eyes.
225
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,080
Make the puppy eyes. Oh, all right.
226
00:15:29,780 --> 00:15:33,140
Hey, uh, I know you. We work in the same
medical building.
227
00:15:33,580 --> 00:15:35,680
I'm Paul. I'm a surgeon on the third
floor. Oh.
228
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:39,080
Well, that's my mistake, because I've
been getting all my surgery up on the
229
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:40,080
second floor.
230
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:48,240
You guys like jello shots? Sure.
231
00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:49,700
We'll be right back. Thanks.
232
00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:52,600
Reba, we should do this every Thursday
night.
233
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,180
Yeah, but then we'd only be getting the
Thursday night crop.
234
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:58,200
There's a whole week's worth of men to
be harvested down here.
235
00:15:59,180 --> 00:16:02,680
Yeah, but I need something to do on
Thursdays. That's my marriage counseling
236
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:03,680
night with Brock.
237
00:16:04,590 --> 00:16:07,290
He just makes it miserable for me. Yeah,
I've been there.
238
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:10,610
I bet he's all, hey, don't blame me. I
didn't do nothing wrong.
239
00:16:10,850 --> 00:16:12,470
I'm Brock. I'm Mr. Perfect.
240
00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:17,930
No, he's more like, we need to talk
about our feelings. We need to work on
241
00:16:17,930 --> 00:16:18,930
thing together.
242
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:22,730
No, he's not.
243
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:24,070
Yeah, he is.
244
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He's become really earnest.
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00:16:26,410 --> 00:16:28,470
And not the funny earnest that went to
camp.
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00:16:31,110 --> 00:16:33,210
But you know, that don't sound like the
Brock that I know.
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Sounds like somebody who's trying.
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00:16:37,340 --> 00:16:39,360
Yeah, trying my nerves.
249
00:16:43,020 --> 00:16:44,260
Good one, Barbara Jean.
250
00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:49,460
You know, Barbara Jean, this could be
the jello talking, but don't you think
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00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:50,580
you're being a little hard on him?
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00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,720
Hard on him?
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00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,520
Reba, this is hard on me.
254
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:58,060
I mean, one day he decides he's not
happy with his life.
255
00:16:58,480 --> 00:16:59,840
Try not to take that personally.
256
00:17:00,570 --> 00:17:02,630
Yeah, but it sounds like he's not
stopping there.
257
00:17:02,830 --> 00:17:06,290
It sounds like he's trying to do
something about it. I think the
258
00:17:06,290 --> 00:17:07,770
help. Well, maybe I don't want to help.
259
00:17:08,930 --> 00:17:12,770
Maybe I want him to know what it feels
like to be left twisting in the wind.
260
00:17:13,810 --> 00:17:15,589
Are you doing this to punish him?
261
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:17,569
That.
262
00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:20,130
And cutting tiny little holes into all
of his socks.
263
00:17:22,589 --> 00:17:23,630
All right, here we go, ladies.
264
00:17:24,150 --> 00:17:25,950
You know what? We just quit drinking.
265
00:17:26,190 --> 00:17:27,550
What? Yeah, you heard me.
266
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:31,660
This woman is married, and her husband
is emotionally unstable. Now, shoot.
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00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:35,460
Reba, what did you do that for?
268
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:40,280
Look, Barbara Jean, nobody blames you
for being hurt. But when you got
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00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:41,880
you made a commitment.
270
00:17:42,740 --> 00:17:46,540
Now here you are out having a good time,
avoiding all the issues, instead of
271
00:17:46,540 --> 00:17:48,480
giving it your all and trying to save
your relationship.
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00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:50,780
Reba, this is my marriage.
273
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,560
And maybe I don't want to fix it.
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00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,730
Okay. But that's a decision you need to
make somewhere where they're not serving
275
00:17:57,730 --> 00:17:59,130
booze that jiggles.
276
00:18:00,430 --> 00:18:01,430
Now let's go.
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00:18:01,710 --> 00:18:04,990
Fine. But I'm still cutting holes in his
socks.
278
00:18:08,990 --> 00:18:10,890
Actually, I'm single.
279
00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:33,300
You know what's funny?
280
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,600
You never see cats doing that.
281
00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:44,700
What's your name, Brock?
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00:18:44,820 --> 00:18:47,780
Oh, I wanted to apologize for being such
a jerk.
283
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:49,060
Which time?
284
00:18:50,260 --> 00:18:51,400
The most recent one.
285
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:55,160
Barbara Jean called this morning, and
she said that you talked to her about
286
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,680
therapy. That means a lot to me.
287
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,320
Has Barbara Jean agreed to go with you?
288
00:18:59,980 --> 00:19:00,980
She's not sure.
289
00:19:01,260 --> 00:19:02,400
She'll think about it.
290
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,380
Man, I hope she does.
291
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,320
You really are trying, aren't you?
292
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,100
Harder than anything in my life.
293
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,120
Just wish I didn't have to do it alone.
294
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,140
I know how that feels.
295
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:19,360
You know, Brock, when we were going
through our separation, I thought I'd
296
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:20,640
you for the rest of my life.
297
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,940
But now that you're going through it, I
feel bad for you.
298
00:19:25,940 --> 00:19:26,940
And I'm sorry.
299
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:28,700
I really am.
300
00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:32,530
I'm sorry to be rude.
301
00:19:39,550 --> 00:19:40,550
Okay,
302
00:19:42,110 --> 00:19:43,110
that's enough of that.
303
00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:48,870
That was, well, all I can say is my
shrink is going to have a field day with
304
00:19:48,870 --> 00:19:49,870
this.
305
00:19:50,010 --> 00:19:51,010
What do you mean?
306
00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:54,630
You know, the feelings you have for me.
307
00:19:59,020 --> 00:20:01,880
I don't have feelings for you, Brock. I
said I know what you're going through.
308
00:20:01,940 --> 00:20:02,940
That's called empathy.
309
00:20:03,340 --> 00:20:05,500
Come on, Reba. It's nothing to be
ashamed of.
310
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:07,240
You felt it.
311
00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:10,860
Felt what?
312
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,720
You know, a spark.
313
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:16,220
A spark?
314
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:21,260
Of all the egotistical... I'll show you
one moment of kindness and you have the
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00:20:21,260 --> 00:20:24,740
gold. Whoa, I'm detecting a lot of anger
here, Reba. You think?
316
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:28,980
You know, excessive anger always covers
hidden feelings. Oh, well, that may very
317
00:20:28,980 --> 00:20:29,819
well be.
318
00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:31,840
But I'm not hiding my feelings. Watch.
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00:20:35,780 --> 00:20:41,920
I need a jello shot.
25194
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