All language subtitles for mr_belvedere_s06e19_home

I can't believe it.

Is my little girl actually reading a
college catalog?

Knowing her, she's probably just looking
at the pictures.

I am not your little dweeb.

Hey, Mom, check out the men's swimming
team.

Now, now, Mrs. Owens, remember you're
already married to a strapping hunk of a

man.

I just wanted to announce I'm taking a
shower. Oh, why? Did the neighbors

complain again?

No, wise guy.

It's just that with our plumbing, if
anyone in Beaver Falls uses water at the

same time, I get scalded redder than a
lobster.

Oh, how dreadful.

Well, I must do the laundry.

Don't worry, George. I was just kidding.

You don't have to worry about being
scalded.

The water heater broke again.

Oh, no. When did that happen? Right
after the septic tank backed up.

This place is getting to be more trouble
than it's worth.

Hey, Dad, why don't we buy a new house?

You mean move?

She may be right.

I mean, Kevin's gone. Heather will be
going off to college soon. We don't

need all this space.

What do you think, Dolphina?

How would you feel about us moving?

Fine. If I can stay here.

to the door.

No one's glad, but sometimes things get
turned around and no one's bad.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the bed and fall.

Gonna need all the help they can get.

According to our new arrival, life is
more than mere survival.

We just might live a good life, yeah.

You won't believe it. We found the
perfect house for the Owens family. Let

guess.

It's in Amityville and the walls ooze
with blood.

Brand new sunken living room, skylights,
cathedral ceilings. Yeah, there's even

a special place for you, big guy.

A guest room out back.

No, a walk -in pantry.

Now all we have to do is sell this
place. I guess we better start lining up

realtor. Well, who needs a realtor?
You're a lawyer. You can handle the

paperwork. You know, you're right. We
can sell this place ourselves. What

possibly go wrong?

I love it when they say things like that
around here.

Heaven, this is such a perfect evening.

Romantic music, flickering candles.

Yeah, and best of all, it's just the two
of us.

Alone.

Shannon! Shannon!

Who is that?

My neighbor.

Oh, and don't be surprised if she's
dressed like Barbara Eden.

Who's after me?

Who's after you?

Excuse us. Now, come along.

Hey, wait a minute. What's going on? Who
is it?

My son, the kidnapper.

What?

I'm sorry about this. I'm Paul Cicchini.
This is my wife, Madge. Oh, hi, I'm

Kevin Owens.

And this is my friend, Monique. Hi,
Andy. We just came in from New York.

to put me away.

No, Mother, we've talked about this.

We simply feel it's time for Mother to
be put in a home.

A home?

Just like that?

Well, no, it's not exactly just like
that.

She's going to be 90 next week.

Oh, really? Happy birthday.

Ah, shut up.

Mother! It's a lovely retirement
community right here in town with lots

activities.

Golfing, swimming, hiking.

Why don't you take a hike?

Kevin Hill.

Oh, look, are you sure about this home
thing?

Well, it's just that we feel that
mothers should be looked after in a more

supervised surrounding.

Well, you could try it, Miss Chikini.
Who knows, you might even like it.

We're sorry to intrude on your evening.
Say goodbye to Kevin, Mother.

Goodbye, Trader.

Goodbye, Miss Chikini.

I'll come visit you.

So, where were we?

Is it ever going to stop raining?

Perhaps you should consider buying an
ark.

Hey, we've been sitting here three hours
and not even one looky, Lou. He said it

was going to be a piece of cake.

Speaking of cake, when are we going to
eat? No eating. I don't want any crumbs

in this house.

Hear that, Heather? Many of your
boyfriends can come over.

Yeah, well, if you're here, the house
won't pass pets inspection.

Knock it off.

Oh, my gosh. I can't believe it.

Someone's actually coming up the walk.

Battle station.

Everyone act normal.

Well, this is the first time for
everything.

Welcome to our lovely home. We hope you
find it warm and cozy.

Sure, why wouldn't I?

It's only you.

Nice to see you too.

Was it something I said?

What brings you back, Kevin?

Mr. Keeney.

Or she busted her belly down.

The sun came and dragged her into some
retirement home.

I tried calling her. She won't even come
to the phone.

Well, she's probably entertaining in the
jacuzzi.

I'm a little worried about her, Mr.
Belvedere.

Come on, come on. Let's go cheer her up
in the rest home. Good idea, Kevin.

And if I'm lucky, they can put me up for
the weekend.

Teeny, how do you like your new home?

It sucks gopher guts.

What's wrong with it?

Everyone's old.

A retirement home with old people?

What's the world coming to?

We bought you some tea.

Look, I have your favorite candy, a
sugar daddy.

I don't want it.

Well, there's something I know you'll
like. The swimsuit edition of Beefcake

Magazine. Yes, Thompson Trump.

No, thanks.

Mr. Belvedere, I've never seen her so
down.

This is worse than I thought.

Well, there's always one thing that
perks her up.

What's that?

I regret that I have only one push to
give for Mrs. Tequila.

Why, Mr.

Belvedere, you dropped your candy.

Oh, so I did.

I shall have to bend over to pick it up.

I'm bending over.

Aren't you going to pinch my bottom, Mr.
Keating?

Weirdo.

at a midnight pizza, he's fired.

Hi, we're the Pinkies, Blair, Rose.

We're here to see the house.

Now, you want to see the house now?

Hey, babe, we're night people.

So what about tomorrow?

We're going to Atlantic City tomorrow.

We're going to catch Mervick Resort.

Hey, hey.

Anyway, your sign says open house. If
it's not open, I call that false

advertising.

Oh, see, George is wrong for up. We
might as well show them around.

Well, what could it hurt?

Well, shall we start?

This is the living room.

No, I thought it was the garage.

He killed me.

There you go, George.

I say we kill them both.

Now, this room features wainscoting on
the walls and a gabled alcove.

What's going on?

Who is this?

We really winky?

That's our housekeeper.

He's extra.

What are these strangers doing in my
room?

We're showing the house to Blair and
Rose.

They're night people.

I don't care if they're vampires.

Get them out of here.

I think Spud here got up on the wrong
side of the bed.

Okay,

big guy. We're gone.

You got a picture of the queen?

Uh -huh.

She could lose her face.

Wasn't the movie romantic, Kevin?

It sure was.

I mean, the way that French soldier got
up from the trenches and ran all the way

back to Paris just to be with the woman
he loved.

Well, I'd do the same thing for you.

You would?

Well, sure.

I'd much rather be with you than stuck
in a hole choking on poison gas.

Oh, Ben, you're such a romantic.

Oh, no, not again.

Are your lips secretly connected to that
doorbell?

Don't worry. I'll get rid of whoever it
is.

Mr. Candy, what are you doing here?

I busted out.

So, hurry up. I want to go to bed.

Well, Kevin, when you get a free minute,
give me a call.

Goodbye, Mrs. Cicchini. I'm sure you two
will be very happy together.

No, no.

Tramp.

Look, Mrs. Cicchini, I know you didn't
exactly like the home, but you can't

go busting out.

And you can't even think about moving in
here with me.

Fine. Then I'll go live on the street
and collect pennies in a tin tub.

All right.

Look, you can spend the night.

But only one night.

That's what we all say.

How is the open house going, Mrs. Owens?

Gangbusters. We have twice as many
people as we had yesterday.

That makes four.

By the way, can we have some more of
that banana bread?

Oh, must I start baking again?

Okay, I'll bake the banana bread.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. We want to
sell this house, not have it condemned.

Let's try a shortcut.

Mr. Belvedere, you have to help me.

Mr. Keeney just skipped out of the
retirement home.

And no one knows where she is?

Where? She's living in my place. Oh.

It's a nightmare. She's got doilies
everywhere and little flowers.

And she's picking out new drapes.

Good. You could use them.

Does her son know what's going on?

Well, no. I didn't want to call him
until I talked to you.

What do you want me to do?

Well, she won't listen to reason.

I thought maybe she'd listen to you.

Thanks for the compliment.

Well, don't just stand there. Let her
son know what's going on.

After you've done that, turn over the
banana.

Cabin?

No, it's me.

Oh, yummy.

Hello, Lynn.

This is Chikini. You listen to me.

You've been making a lot of folks very
worried about you.

You know your son only has your best
interests at heart.

You're going to have to deal with this.

Have you nothing to say?

You have cute new eyes.

What do you mean about your son?

He's an old fool.

What if he should report you missing?

Let's make out.

That was a glimpse of my luxury car.
Country charmer. If you have any other

questions, please feel free to call.
We'd love to hear from you and your

charming wife.

What a couple of geeks.

You know, it's funny. When I showed them
my room, it was like I was seeing it

for the first time.

That's because you picked up all your
junk off the floor and you were seeing

for the first time.

No, I mean, I really began to appreciate
how warm and friendly my room really

is. Hey, I'm going to miss my room, too.

Especially my view of Tiki Huffnagle's
shower.

You know, maybe this house isn't so bad
after all.

Hi. We're Phil and Annie Paxton. We were
driving by and we were knocked out by

your exterior.

You don't see much genuine Pennsylvania
field stone.

Your house has fabulous curb appeal.

Our dog thinks so.

Mind if we look around?

Oh, no, of course not.

Here's the setup.

Annie, isn't this a magnificent living
room?

What a great fireplace.

Isn't that a charming little alcove?

Oh, yeah, it is nice, isn't it? That's
where I keep my books. When I was

studying to be a lawyer, I spent a lot
of time back there.

You know, I think that would be the
perfect place for the jogging treadmill.

Idea, idea, it's a...

Perfect size for the wine and brie bar.
Uh -huh.

We'll look around on our own, if you
don't mind.

I really think they like it here.

And they even look like they can afford
it.

Yeah, I guess they do.

Mrs. Shaquini, there are better ways to
deal with your problems than to run

away.

You're right.

Let's run away together.

How's it going? No, not.

Uh, Mr. Keeney, there's a couple people
here who want to talk to you.

Mother, we came as soon as we heard.

Thank God this young man was nice enough
to call and let us know where you were.

Blabbermouth.

We were worried sick about you.

Who's this?

Lynn Belvedere, my fiancée.

Hey, congratulations, big guy.

Kevin, don't be a twit. We're not
engaged.

We're just shopping out.

Okay, Mother, that's it. Now come along.
You've just got to come with us now.

No. Do you mind if I say something?

No. With all due respect, I can picture
your mother in a chorus line

sooner than I could at home.

What?

She may be 90, but she's bright and
spry.

And has the libido of a 20 -year -old.

Yeah, she's always pinching Mr.
Belvedere's butt.

I only hope I have half her energy when
I'm her age. But she's living alone, and

she told us there are muggers in the
neighborhood.

What about the danger?

I'll go easy on them.

Look, I'll keep an eye on her, I
promise. I'll walk her to the store,

out the trash.

And from time to time, I'll stop by and
drop something.

That would be fun.

And if there comes a time when she does
need a little more care, we'll let you

know.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I guess these folks know you better than
your own son does.

That's okay.

Maybe because we live so far away and
don't see you too much, we've been

a little guilty.

That's all right, too.

The owner rented out your place. You got
any idea where you want to stay?

Uh -oh.

This is our favorite part of the house.

And if you're anything like us, you'll
probably be spending a lot of time out

here. You know, you're right.

Perfect place for the hot tub. We'll
have to get rid of that old tree.

No problem. We'll have to tear it out.
In fact, we'd have to tear out this

patio.

You'd tear out the patio?

You know, I think we'd like to make an
offer. Give us a minute, okay?

I don't want a hot tub out here.

George, I don't think that's going to be
our decision.

Hey, Mom, those people have a calculator
out. I think they want to buy the

house. Looks like it.

And they want to rip out the tree.

Not our tree. We planted it together.

Yeah, we watched it grow from a tiny
sapling into something so big it

nuts.

Just like your parents.

And they want to tear up the patio.

Oh, Lord, not the patio.

I'm sorry.

It's just when I think of all your
moronic problems that I've solved out

get misty -eyed.

Don't you think of it? The new house
doesn't even have a patio.

Where would we go to confess to Mr.
Belvedere?

Maybe we could reserve a booth at Donut
World.

You know what I think?

A house without a patio is like a beer
without a belch.

So few people quote Emily Dickinson.

Okay, uh, we've talked it over.

We'd like to make an offer.

$160 ,000.

Nah.

$162 ,000?

Nah.

$170 ,000?

Nah.

Why don't you guess, you owns? What's
your bottom line?

My bottom line is, we've learned this is
our home, and we don't want to give it

up.

Gosh, I'm disappointed.

I don't know what to say.

Honey.

Well, it's still time for Kenneth.

Ciao.

Well, Dad, I guess now you're going to
have to fix the plumbing, and the water

heater, and the septic tank.

Well, we'll manage.

Just like we always do.

That's scary.

Gee, I forgot how broken down the house
is.

This house isn't broken down.

It's broken in.

Yeah.

Kind of like Mr. Belvedere.

They found a home they love.

It's the one they already have.

And Mrs. Cicchini found a new apartment
in her building and will move in as soon

as they install her waterbed.

In the meantime, Kevin has placed her in
a temporary residence.

Hello, man.

What a place to sit, Walter.

Tomorrow at 6 on Mr. Belvedere, Mr.
Belvedere is surprised.