All language subtitles for mr_belvedere_s06e16_the_pageant

Hey, Belvedere, why is the string tied
around my finger?

You probably left your pipe.

I think I'm trying to remember
something.

A hint, George.

Remember a certain special day when you
were very nervous? It involved the woman

you love and a license.

Oh, yeah.

The day Heather took her driving test.

Dumb, dumb.

Da -dum.

Oh, my God, I did it again. I forgot our
anniversary.

Good thing you reminded me. I wasn't
reminding you, George.

I was just saying your dum -dum -da
-dum.

Hey, if I hurry, I still have a chance
to get her something.

Hey, Dad.

Where's he going?

To save his marriage.

Well, he'll be bringing back a pizza.

Oh, I thought Tommy and Diana were here.

Oh, goody.

The arch -feminists are coming.

What are you going to do, burn your
bras?

That would be a pretty small fire.

You can laugh, but it just so happens
we're putting on a play Diana wrote.

the first feminist mystery.

Really? What's it called?

Who Let the Toilet See That?

That's them.

Come on, Wes, let's go upstairs and arm
wrestle.

Hi, Sonny. Hi, Diana.

Heather, you will not believe this. I
went down to reserve the school

for the play.

And they said we couldn't put it on.
They said it's too controversial.

Well, I told you to take out the Super
Bowl massacre scene.

To make it worse, they're putting on the
Miss Beaver Falls beauty pageant. Now,

isn't that an insult to all right
-thinking women?

Yeah, why don't they just hold it at a
meat market?

We have to do something.

Hey, I know.

Why don't we boycott the pageant?

I've got a better idea.

Let's enter it.

Enter it? Yeah.

But since we're our own candidate, and
if she wins, she can just make a speech

denouncing the whole stupid thing.

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, who would we
get?

Oh, no.

I am not braiding around in a bathing
suit and high heels.

But we needed some beautiful blonde
fluff brain who will do anything we tell

her. Where are we going to find someone
like that?

No one's there, but sometimes things get
turned around and no

one's there.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in his head and fall.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our arrival, life is more
than mere survival.

You want me to be Miss Beaver Falls?

And I'll win a scholarship and prizes?

All you have to do is parade your bod
for a bunch of leering spectators to

like a fight of bees.

What's the catch?

There's one thing. During your speech...
Heather. Later.

We... have to transform Angela into the
perfect contestant. All right.

We're going to make her charming and
grateful and articulate.

In a week.

Hey, big guy.

You're not going to believe what I got
for Marcia.

It's an anniversary gift I've never
gotten her before.

That rules out a cordless screwdriver.

Look at this rock.

That must have cost a fortune.

Not exactly.

But it's not exactly real, either.

Hey, Marsha.

Happy anniversary.

Oh, George.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Oh, George, you're just the most
generous man in the whole wide world.

I wouldn't say that.

Neither would I.

Well, I'll meet you upstairs.

I have a little... surprise to you, too.

Don't hold dinner for us.

George, you are going to tell her that
that's not the real diamond, aren't you?

Oh, yeah.

Sure.

Later. George.

Hey, she's overjoyed.

Why don't I just leave Will enough
alone?

The mark of a wise man. It's also the
mark of a cheap man.

Well, you saw her.

Have you ever known Marcia to be so
happy?

Yes, a voice reverberates with delight.

What's the matter?

I was running a bubble bath for us. I
put my hand in the water, and your

dissolved!

Okay, okay, I wanted to get you a real
one.

But Belvedere knew this guy as...
George!

Okay, I'll make it up to you, I promise.

I hope you can use a soldering iron.

Now remember, the key to success as a
beauty queen is to talk like you're from

the South and use three names.

What three names?

Well, all beauty queens have three
names.

Mary Ann Mobley, Deborah Lee Moffat, Lee
Mary Weather.

She's perfect.

And so I say to you, stand together
against this exploitation of our bodies

strive for the day when we are valued
not for the content of our braziers, but

for the contents of our brains.

Wow, that's real powerful stuff, Diana.

But I don't think Angela can handle it.
I mean, she gets mixed up on this little

piggy.

Oh, come on. You don't give Angela
enough credit. I bet she's a lot deeper

you think.

Sorry I'm late. I was driving around
waving.

Waving? Yeah.

All beauty queens have to wave. It's a
lot harder than it looks.

frigid. There's only one thing to do.
Yeah, let's drop the whole dumb idea.

No, we still have one possible
candidate.

Me? I already told you I can't do it.

Don't be so selfish.

What? Sometimes we have to sacrifice
ourselves to a higher purpose.

Fine, you sacrifice yourself.

Not with these guys.

Heather, the women of Beaver Falls need
your help.

What's it going to be?

Hey, Belvedere.

What do you think?

I'll get a poke.

It's not for you.

It's for Marsha.

I had a big special. You know what's
inside?

Knowing you, it's probably a miniature
stripper.

No, a diamond ring. And this time it's a
real one.

Why, George, you're actually imagining
things.

Let me see Marsha's reaction.

No, I don't get it.

This is a moment for the two of you.

Besides, I'm hungry.

Marsha!

Marsha!

I still don't understand what's so
important that you have to drag me out

bathtub. You'll see. You'll see.

Happy... ...anniversary.

Thanks, honey.

You got me a new garbage disposal.

Don't give me color that whole thing.

And the whole cake, too.

won't help well don't you know some kind
of doggy heimlich maneuver remember

what the good book says what's that all
things will

pass you mean

i'm afraid so you're going to have to go
on duty duty

heather what do you mean you didn't tell
her look

kinda in the pageants too. I hope you
don't mind.

Mind?

As your very best friend, I want you to
share in the joy of the pageants. But

what if I beat you?

Hey, just entering was honor enough.

Besides, I'm blonde and you don't have a
chance in hell.

benedict a traitor you mean benedict
arnold that too she's

gonna coach me for the miss beaver falls
pageant and now she's gonna be in it

herself so what you're blonde she don't
have a chance in hell but

you have to be smart and talented too i
see a problem

Go, go, go, go!

She'll have to drop out of the beauty
pageant, and I'll never get to go to the

University of Waikiki.

Waikiki, as in Hawaii?

As in 8 ,000 miles from here?

Yeah. First prize is a four -year
scholarship.

We'll start in the morning.

Now, once again, repeat after me.

She sells seashells by the seashore.

Very good.

Do you know why I asked you to say that?

Because a beauty queen should be able to
discuss the environment.

No, Angela, I'm working on your
elocution.

My electrocution?

Don't tempt me.

Now, put this book on your head.

Is this a balance?

No, I'm hoping some knowledge will soak
in.

Come on, your regal highness. It's time
to make your entrance.

What are you doing here? I live here.
What are you doing here?

Mr. Bombardier is coaching you.

Why are you helping Angela?

Because if anybody needs help, she does.

Now,

Angela, remember, pretty is as pretty
does.

Absolutely right.

Come on, Heather. Let's go upstairs and
work on your makeup.

Oh, Heather?

Yeah?

What, uh, prompted you to enter the
contest at the last moment?

Uh, because it'll help world peace. See
ya.

Dad, this is a stupid idea.

Wes, it's the only way.

Come on, boy.

Spot's obedience school is putting on a
play called Gandhi's Dog.

Okay, he joined the canine corps of the
Hare Krishnas.

George, I'm getting a headache, and I
think it's going to last a long, long

time.

I

don't

believe it.

Two hundred bucks for x -rays and
nothing.

X -rays? George, what happened?

I wanted some pictures for the family
album.

Go ahead and tell her, Dad.

If worse comes to worse, I have an extra
bunk in my room.

Okay, let's have it.

Well, Marcia, it's like this.

I got you a real diamond ring.

You did?

Yeah, but I had it baked inside the cake
that spotted.

You did?

Yeah, so we've been trying to keep a
watch on him so we'd know when he, you

know, so we could get the ring back.

But somebody must have slacked off.

Hey, I had to go to school.

Well, I'm going to get that ring back if
I have to search every lawn in this

neighborhood.

Gee, we're most going to get a diamond
that comes from the heart.

Thank you.

Welcome to the Miss Beaver Falls
pageant. No other event captures the

the town better.

Not since they canceled the demolition
derby.

As you know.

These young women are judged on their
brains and talents as well as their

And now, let's meet our lovely
contestants.

Representing the happy guys of Beaver
Falls is Joy Ann Adams.

Representing the Brotherhood of
Accordionists is Lori Evelyn Paxton.

Ramona Johnson is representing the
skunk.

I hope that's a club.

From Van Buren High School, Angela
Raskolnikov -Shostakovich.

And Heather Velvet Owen.

Velvet?

Yes, representing the machinist guild,
Sophie May Abramowitz.

I know the judges should really heat it
up.

I don't know, Mr. Bumrikson. She looks
really good out there.

contestant, Angela Raskolnikov,
Shostakovich, and her friend, Lynn.

Thank you, everyone.

Lynn, don't you want to say hello to all
these nice people?

Hello, everyone.

You know, Lynn, I wasn't sure I wanted
you on stage with me.

when I could have had a root canal.

A funny thing happened to me on the way
to the pageant. And now for my grand

finale. Lynn here will speak while I
drink a glass of water.

Go on, this I'd like to see.

Okay, watch.

Thank you, Angela.

And now... an interview with each of our
contestants.

Angela, we'll start with you.

Miss Shostakovich, your ancestors are
from Eastern Europe.

In your opinion, why did the Berlin Wall
crumble?

for her i mean anthony worked really
hard for this oh snap out of it look we

made a surprise for you when you get up
there to make your winning speech put

this on beauty pageants are dumb that
way you'll be in all the papers please

i have a few minutes alone okay just
remember we're counting on you

how do you got that nothing

Beauty pageants are dumb.

Well, they are.

Now I know why you were so anxious to
enter one.

To sabotage it.

Are you going to try and stop me?

No. If you want to speak for all
womanhood, who am I to stop you?

Right. And I'm sure all the young ladies
who worked so hard to get here will

appreciate your support.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a
decision.

Drum roll, please.

Don't mention it.

Good luck, Heather.

You too.

Our second runner -up, Laurie Evelyn
Paxton.

And our first runner -up, who'll take
over if our winner can't fulfill her

responsibilities, is Angela Raskolnikov
Shostakovich.

The new Miss Beaver Falls, Heather
Velvet Owens.

That's my baby!

Heather, our beauty queen, I am never
going to hear the end of this.

Stop complaining. I'm stuck with Angela.

Well, what does the new Miss Beaver
Falls have to say?

Here goes.

She's so nervous she can't talk.

Maybe she'll throw up.

Well, when I entered, I thought I'd see
something dumb and degrading. Oh, right.

Let them have it. But it wasn't
degrading to the women who worked really

be here, who really put their all into
it.

It means a lot to them, and I don't have
any right to take that away.

What's she doing?

Making me proud, I hope.

And if you want any more statements from
Miss Beaver Falls...

I'm turning it down.

Heather Velvet.

And my middle name isn't Velvet.

And I don't want to be Miss Beaver
Falls. I don't deserve it. And Angela

I don't know what to say.

How about aloha?

For all concerned, Heather took a giant
stride toward maturity.

And in so doing, rid me of Angela in a
few short months.

Hallelujah.

Thanks for the missing, Owens Donna.

While planting tulip bulbs this
afternoon, I made a miraculous

Scott's hiding place.

Apparently the little scamp had it
buried there all along.

I can't wait for George to get home.

Won't you be pleased?

Yes. Hey, Governor.

Look what I got for Martha.

I had to sell my country club membership
to get it.

Well, what the heck.

She's worth it.

I wonder how much I can get for this.