All language subtitles for mr_belvedere_s06e12_the_professor

We can talk about our hopes and

dreams and aspirations. I hate that.

George, is there anything you do like?

Well, since they turned my country club
into a bird sanctuary, I've been looking

for a good poker game.

What do you say?

What channel is Mitchell Wrestling?

Hello, Kevin.

Hi, Mr. Belder. How's life treating you?

Not so hot. I had to take this stupid
humanities requirement. The only course

left open is India, the subcontinent.

1830 to the present.

But, Kevin, India is such a fascinating
culture.

I should know. I live there.

Oh, yeah? Well, this is so fascinating.

What are you doing in Beaver Falls?

Do you realize how much our language
owes to India?

While wearing my calico pajamas, I
stepped onto the veranda of my

bungalow to watch the sun setting over
the jungle.

What'd you do then? Make a pass at an
elephant?

It's on the China, never matter for who
cares.

When you drop, kick the jacket. As you
came through the door, no one bled. But

sometimes things get turned around and
no one's spared.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can.

According to our new arrival, life is
more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

So,

you hear anything about this Dr. Nahub?

Oh, yeah. They call him the terror in
the turban.

My roommate took his class. Right before
the midterm, she had a nervous

breakdown, and now she's a moonie.

That's not Dr. Nahoo.

Not unless he had a sex change.

I'm Professor Anne Mary Burns.

Dr. Nahoo won't be returning this
semester.

While on vacation near Calcutta, he was
involved in a minor bus plunge.

So, for the next five months, I guess
you're stuck with me.

All right!

I mean, I love India.

While wearing my calico pajamas, I
walked to the veranda of my bungalow to

the sun set over the jungle.

Okay, now if three of a kind beat two
pair, what do three pair beat?

You can't have three pairs, you dummy.
You only get five.

That's a long time ago when I played
strip poker with Billy Hudson.

I won. I won.

Okay, okay. Let's make this more
interesting.

Deuces, red sevens, and one -eyed jacks
are wild. And if you get the joker, you

win a cupcake.

Yeah. Okay.

Only a woman would play that way, Marsh.
This is a man's game. You've got to

learn to play like a man.

Fine. I'll scratch my stomach and belch.

Hey, who wants cards?

Kitten? I don't care.

He wants to know how many.

It's none of his business.

He's the dealer. You have to tell him.

Hey, will you guys knock it off?

Okay, okay. I'll take three.

That's more like it.

Look, the important thing is we're a
family. We should be glad to have this

together.

I'm out of here.

will cover the role of the goddess in
Indian tradition.

All right, I've graded your papers and
you can pick them up from Giselle on the

way out.

Mr.

Owens, are you all right?

Huh? Don't you want to pick up your
paper?

What paper?

The one you got an A on.

I did?

Yes. Your essay demonstrated solid
research, originality, and a genuine

for the hungry of India.

Yeah, well, speaking of being hungry,
are you doing anything for lunch? What?

Or maybe dinner.

Mr. Owens, are you asking me out?

Well, yeah. I thought maybe we could
talk about hunger over dinner.

Well, I suppose if it's an academic
discussion, dinner wouldn't hurt.

We could be mature about this.

Of course we can.

I'll see you tonight.

Do you guys realize we've been at this
for three hours?

Come on, George. We're just getting
warmed up.

Okay, Heather, I'll see your five
toothpicks and raise you a bottle cap.

And I will see your bottle cap and raise
you a turkey baster.

Question. What's it called when you have
five cards in a row all in the same

suit?

A straight flush.

That does me in. Me too.

Wow. And all I have is a pair of fours.

Well, what about the straight flush?

Well, how am I going to learn if I don't
ask questions?

I like this place, Kevin.

It reminds me of a little cafe in New
Delhi.

Have you been here before?

Oh, sure. I come here all the time.

Oh. Then what do you recommend?

Uh,

the number one looks good.

Hey there, Sahib.

Listen, can we get some silverware,
please?

If you'd like.

Well, sure we'd like.

I mean, what are we supposed to do? Eat
with our hands?

We are?

will be provided.

A beach towel, if you need it.

I adore Indian bread and chutney.

Mmm, you can really taste the ginger
root.

Hey, easy, Kevin. It's quite spicy.

Hey, you're talking to the chili dog
king of Beaver Falls.

So, how long did you live in India,
anyway?

Most of my life. My parents moved there
from England when my father got a

position at the university.

I was only six.

I remember what a wondrous sight it was.

The ladies in their colorful scarves,
the exotic music, the mystical

the smell of incense.

Kevin! I'm dying! I'm dying!

I'm not choking him on fire!

I don't think the chutney agreed with
him. Chutney? Oh, Kevin, this is full of

red pepper. Quick, get some coconut
milk.

I also need some Bundireta and some
Chana Bharti. Here, drink this.

Slowly, there's a good lad.

I'm Mr. Belvedere, his housekeeper.

Anne Burns, his professor.

Here, try these.

They'll help neutralize the spice.

Mr. Belvedere, where'd you come from?

I always eat here on Sabu's birthday.

Feeling better?

Yeah, I think so.

Look, Anne...

I'll be right back. I'm going to go suck
some ice.

Charming lad, isn't he?

He's certainly animated.

I haven't seen such a reaction since
Nehru and I faced off in a vindaloo

contest.

His face turned beet red and I could
swear that steam came out of his ears.

You ate vindaloo with Nehru?

We hung out together at Mohanda's.
Mohanda?

As in Mohandas Gandhi?

I was his housekeeper.

That was a busy time.

That was before wash -and -wear sheets.

I did my doctoral dissertation on Gandhi
at Oxford.

Oh, really?

I was at Oxford, too.

It really is a small world.

Well, I'm back.

Thanks, Mr. Belvedere. Oh, don't mention
it.

Oh, well, I'll leave you to it.

It's been a pleasure.

What an interesting man.

Oh, yeah, he's okay.

So, this Vindaloo looks good.

Full house.

Read them and weep.

Hey, big guy. Want to join in? Thanks.

I have a life.

Hey, everybody.

Look what I bought.

poker chips.

All right.

Now we can play for real money.

The reds are worth five bucks, the
whites are ten, and the blues are twenty

-five. Oh, boy.

Uh, kids, I don't think we should play
for those kinds of sticks.

But I'm tired of playing for toothpicks
and cookies. I want to play for

something that means something.

Hey, I have an idea. Let's play for the
family vacation.

What are you talking about?

Every year we all want to go to
different places. We argue and end up

Dad wants.

And what's wrong with that cabin up on
Lake Kitchiku?

It's ten feet from the highway.

And there's no John.

And we all have to sleep in the same
bed.

Okay, this year we won't take Belvedere.

Not good enough.

Boy, you are taking me to the Bahamas.

Deal, Buster.

Oh, hi, Miss Belvedere.

Listen, I wanted to thank you for
helping me out last night. You know, Ann

thought you were a real hero. In fact,
she couldn't stop talking about you.

I am a conversation beast.

And you're classy.

And frankly, having a housekeeper like
you only makes me look more

and debonair.

Yes, like living with Fred Astaire.

Well, anyway, it's really nice to know
you're always there for me.

I have only your best interests at
heart.

Hello, Lynn.

Ready for the opera?

Yes.

So a reporter said to Gandhi, Mr.
Gandhi, what do you think of Western

civilization?

And Gandhi said, I think it's a good
idea.

It amazes me that a man of such great
cause had such a great sense of humor.

I used to write some of his best jokes.

Did you care to come in?

Well, for a moment.

I really have had a lovely time, Lin.

Well, you've been such a lovely
companion.

May I offer you a nightcap?

Oh, I don't think so. I do have to
drive.

Oh, I didn't mean alcohol. I was going
to offer you a cup of tea.

I don't know. It is getting rather late.

And I have some ho -hos to go with it.
Now you're talking.

So, have a nice time?

Kevin, are you all right? Oh, sure. I do
this stuff all the time.

So, how was the opera?

My, Kevin, I didn't expect to see you
here.

Well, I didn't expect to see Anne here
either.

I really have to be leaving. I'll see
you in class tomorrow, Ked.

Sure.

Well, thanks again, Lynn.

What

was that

all about?

Oh,

it's simply Hindi to see you later,
alligator.

Oh, really?

Oh,

come now, Kevin, don't give me that
look.

We were just two alumni out for an
evening.

You were the one that was spying on me.

Me? Spying?

I wasn't spying.

What do I have to spy about? Exactly.

Ann had a free ticket to the opera, and
I had a free evening.

All right. As long as you understand you
were just a fill -in, a second choice,

a poor substitute.

Oh, I understand.

But I'm not sure that Ann would agree.

As you can see, Indian movies tend to
musicalize their subjects.

This is from the Indian remake of The
Nutty Professor.

Well, until tomorrow.

Kevin,

is everything all

right? Sure.

I mean, no.

I'm just a little confused about your
date last night with Mr. Belvedere.

It wasn't a date.

We just had dinner and saw an opera.

In America, we call that a date.

Besides, I thought you and me had
something going.

And I thought we'd agreed it was just
going to be an academic discussion over

dinner. Okay, how about if we do
something just for fun? We can go see an

movie, like Passage to India or Indiana
Jones.

Ah, in Britain, we call that a date.

Works for me.

I'll pick you up at seven.

Aces up sevens. Three ladies.

Drew the deuce to the low end straight.
Tough cookies.

Wesley, you chiseled. You had that deuce
up your sleeves.

Ah, stop whining, bluff breath.

Hey, what's going on? I thought the game
was over. Not now, George.

But Wes won.

I mean, he's making us take a two -week
tour of federal prisons.

Great. Now we're playing for the station
wagon.

Yeah, I already bagged the VCR.

Well, don't you guys want to go to the
zoo or something? I mean, get out of the

house. Boring.

Your deal's flicking. Keep both hands on
the table.

George, don't stand there like a
schmower. You went around.

Listen, I'm sorry again about old
Calcutta. I really did think it was

India. That's okay. It was very
revealing.

Anyway, it's nice for a change not to
talk about India.

Well, this is it.

My. What interesting decor.

Yeah, authentic early American garage
sale.

Well, this is my gumball machine.

And these are my drums.

This is my spiral staircase.

This is Mr. Belvedere.

Mr. Belvedere. Hello, Kevin.

Since you just finished dinner, I
thought you might need a clean shirt.

Hello, Ann.

Lynn. You really didn't have to do this.

And I mean it.

Perhaps I should go. Oh, no, don't go.
I've made you. I mean...

Kevin, a little snack.

Some bundi laddu.

Bundi laddu?

Bundi laddu?

Yes. Delicious almond and raisin puffs.

I'm allergic to raisins. And you knew
that.

Oops.

Excuse me. This is all a little strange.

I'll see you in class tomorrow, Kevin.
You too, Lynn.

What are you talking about?

Oh, Anne has asked me to lecture your
class on my life in India.

Didn't I tell you?

I guess you were too busy making bundi
ladu.

Come on, Ian. We'll walk you to your
car.

But what am I going to do with all this?

Guess.

Well, class, today we have a special
guest.

Snorch. Vin Belvedere has lived Indian
history.

As a young man, he was confidant to
Gandhi and Nehru.

Yeah, he told Nehru his jacket would be
a big hit.

With no further ado...

I hope.

I give you Lynn Belvedere.

Thank you, Professor Bent.

I'd like to begin by relating a famous
Indian fable about a mongoose and a

python.

So when India declared independence from
Britain, it was the beginning of a new

era of democracy.

Thank you.

Thank you, Lynn.

I'd now like to open the session to
questions. Anyone?

Yes. What was the major reason the
subcontinent divided into India and

Well, religious hostilities made it
necessary to divide the country to

further civil disturbances.

Do you have something to add, Mr. Owens?

Yeah. You say you were Gandhi's
housekeeper. Well, why was he always

It was his way.

You sure it wasn't your cooking?

Looks like our time is up. Just when it
was getting good.

Thank you, Mr. Owens and Mr.

Belvedere, for your uplifting debate.

Well, I trust you two are proud of
yourselves.

I want you to stop acting like little
children.

He started it. I certainly did not. Did
you?

I guess this is as much my fault as
anybody's. I suppose it was just a

time before this happened.

And the only solution is?

But I won't see you.

Oh?

Lynn, I think you're brilliant, wise,
and every bit a gentleman.

And I'll always treasure the time we
spent together.

Kevin, you're young and vigorous and
adorable.

And I will see you again.

Great. In class, as a student.

Is this seat taken?

No. I had reservations with a lady, but
I fear she had greater reservations

about me.

Mind if I join you? Why not?

Kevin, it was foolish of me not to have
taken your feelings into consideration

in this matter.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, and I'm sorry about the way I've
been acting.

Women kind of make me crazy.

Well, at least we had something in
common for a while.

How frightening.

Why don't you let me buy you dinner?

Oh, it's you.

What can I serve you, sir?

What do you recommend?

How about a burger and fries?

Sure.

Shoot. I'll fold, though.

Diamond stud and flush jack high.

Yes. Come to mama.

Here, I got out of...

Fingers? Hey, nice looking broad.

Hey, can't you make me a sandwich?

What?

Okay, suckers, name your poison.

Anaconda. Spit in the ocean. Chicago,
high speed in the hall.

Sounds good, sister.

George, I don't like this. This is my
living room.

Ah, it makes a better poker parlor.

And, uh, guys like these are always
looking for a place that won't get

Kids love Zeke and Fingers.

Hey, I'm going to get a brewski.

And what about you kids?

Oh, sure. And one for the pig.

All right.

Hey, if you look at my cards, you're
going to sleep with the fishes, cabiche?

Hey, you, freeze.

I want you and this Zeke person out of
my house now.

Hey, look, you don't get excited. It's
just a friendly game. Oh, the hell it

Out. And what about my sandwich?

a full boat.

Yeah, we'll sail it into the sunset.

George,

what in the world got into you?

What in the world got into you?

I start a friendly little family game,
and the next thing you know, I'm living

with the Cincinnati Kitten or Kittens.

You set this all up, didn't you?

Well... You thought we were going too
far, so you did this just to make a

Well, now you...

And I didn't even need Belvedere to do
it.

Pretty sneaky, Dad.

I'm impressed.

Come on, kids, let's clean this up.

This is the bite squad.

We got your house surrounded.

Come on, get your hands up.

You're a little late, big guy.

It's a nice try.

Thank you, George.

Incidentally, two men in bad suits are
stealing your car.

Mr.

Belvedere, We'll be right back.

The Owens foray into family gamesmanship
has left them exhausted, and they've

happily retreated to the security of
television.

My competition with Kevin proved just as
disastrous as one could have predicted.

I'm not going to prolong the point, but
I'm sure Anne liked me better.

Perhaps we'll meet in the next life, and
I'll find out.

If there's any justice...

Kevin will come back as a duck.