All language subtitles for mr_belvedere_s05e10_homeless0

Mr. Belly Flop.

Angela? My parents signed the consent
form so I can go.

Back to Pluto, I hope.

Angela and I want to help the homeless
at Pittsburgh, so we're going to

volunteer to shelter downtown.

Uh -huh. Yeah, we're going to cook them
breakfast.

I thought you wanted to help the
homeless, not kill them.

I think what you're doing is very
laudable. Well, we both have been very

fortunate, and we want to do something
for people who have less than us.

Not only that, we get out of study hall.

Compassion is an inspiration to us all.

Can I go too?

What for?

Maybe I'll meet a hobo and he can teach
me how to hop a freight to nowhere.

I'll teach you, Wesley.

I'll even give you a little boost.

Come on, George. We're going to be late
for the funeral.

There's been a passing?

Oh, yes, Barney. One of George's golfing
buddies.

I'm afraid George is taking it kind of
hard.

I've never seen him look so devastated.

George. Hey, I know what you're going to
say. This isn't right for a funeral.

Not unless it's for Bubbles the Chimp.

Look, all the pallbearers are dressing
like this.

Oh, and what's the minister wearing?

Bermuda shorts?

Barney wanted his funeral on a golf
course. It's where he spent his happiest

hours. I'm sorry, George. I didn't mean
to be disrespectful.

A funeral is a solemn event.

That's right.

Come on, Marsh. We're riding in the lead
golf cart.

Thanks for watching.

You are our new rival.

Life is more than mere survival.

And we just might live a good life yet.

Hey, Ange, how's my French toast moving?

Great. I think they really like it.

Hey, am I supposed to eat this or
restore my shoes with it?

If they didn't know, we'd be so busy.

Now, where do all these people come
from?

Same place that we do, except somewhere
they got off the track.

Job loss, disability, mental illness,
drug abuse.

I had a cousin who was homeless, but he
just forgot his zip code.

Why don't I spell you here, and you
girls can go clear some tables.

Wow!

Sure, you and the cops, welfare and the
feds. Everybody wants my stuff.

Sorry.

So, do you wear contacts?

Just trying to make conversation.

Napkin, napkin, napkin, napkin.

Napkin, napkin,

napkin, napkin.

lose this?

Oh, my earring. Thanks.

You're welcome.

My name's Tom.

Oh, I'm Heather.

Is this your first day?

Yeah. Some pretty strange people around
here.

Yeah, huh? I don't know whether I should
be scared of them or feel sorry for

them. Yeah, me neither.

So how long have you been a volunteer?

Oh, I'm not.

I live here.

Oh, hi, Mr. Belvedere.

it was a very nice service.

Until some bozo sliced his drive into
the casket.

Well, I'm going to soak my feet. That's
the last time I wear heels in a sand

trap.

I'm sorry about your friend, George.
Were you close?

Eh, he was in my foursome at the club.

He'd always shave off a stroke at the
par fives.

Pack at the clubhouse, we'd play a
little poker. He'd cheat.

Leave when he was ahead.

Sign my name on his tab.

Friends like that are hard to find.

It's just, here's a guy about my age.

Makes you think.

Certainly does.

About what?

You know, life and death.

Well, George, we live and then we die.

Speak for yourself.

My point is not to worry. While we have
life, we should enjoy it.

I guess you're right, big guy.

No point moping.

Hey, Dad, want to toss it around?

What are you trying to do, kill me?

Like my new shirt?

It's real nice.

I found it in the dumpster. People throw
away really good stuff.

So, you got a date?

No, I'm going on a job interview.

Oh, isn't this your job?

Oh, I'm just helping out while I stay
here. I like to keep busy.

Oh. Well, good luck at your interview.

You must be pretty excited, huh?

Yeah, I haven't had a real job in two
years.

Two whole years?

That's awesome.

It's hard when they ask for an address
and phone number and you don't have an

address and phone number.

Hi.

I didn't get a chance to introduce
myself to you yesterday.

I'm Angela.

Good for you.

You know, just because you have a
terrible, miserable life of hopelessness

doesn't mean you can't say a friendly
hello.

What makes you think my life's so
miserable?

Well, you live on the streets.

You're dirty and grungy and kind of
smelly.

No offense.

None taken.

Besides, you're the one who stinks.

What? That perfume.

Just another product of the capitalist
consumer conspiracy.

No, it's forever crystal.

Look, Blondie, everything I need in the
world is right here where I can get at

it. Real simple.

You make it sound like living this way
is good.

I'm totally free and unfettered by the
trappings of modern civilization.

Can you say that?

No. But I can say rubber baby buggy
bumpers.

Hi, Dad. Finally returning that plunger
I borrowed.

Oh, you didn't have to, Kev.

It was sort of a housewarming gift.

Gee, thanks.

You know how to read these blood
pressure things?

Oh, yeah. I learned how when I was a
nurse's aide.

You're 30 over 10.

Is that good?

Not really. You're dead.

I ordered eight years of Time magazine
for this stupid thing.

Come on, Dad. What are you worried
about?

You seem like a healthy kind of guy.

I guess you're right.

Then again, you never know.

What do you mean?

Well, when I worked at the hospital,
there was this guy about your age. He

in for a hair transplant.

Later, he was on a slab in the morgue.

And another guy, he had an ingrown
toenail.

Next day, they were spreading his ashes
over the Menangehila.

Whoops,

gotta get to class.

Hey, listen, I'll come back later and
tell you about some more dead guys.

See ya.

to your close encounter.

Well, you hardly touched your dinner.

Although you sculpted it very well.

I saw Doc Elliott this afternoon.

It was not bad news.

I'm in perfect health.

Oh, George, I am sorry.

I don't understand.

Barney had a checkup from Doc Elliott a
week before he croaked. And he was fine,

too. Any idea what caused Barney's
sudden demise?

He died in a saddle.

Oh, you mean horseback riding?

No. You know, between the fluffy whites.

He fell into a meringue?

He died in bed with his wife.

Oh, you mean chiming Big Ben. Whatever.

George, it was a fluke.

Yeah, but it was a fluke that killed
him.

Oh, it's such a clear and beautiful
night. All the stars are out.

Kind of romantic.

I'll be upstairs.

Look who's here. Little Mary Sunstroke.

Looks like you got a lot of stuff in
there.

Yep. Place for everything and everything
in its place.

Thanks.

Hi, Tom. I brought you a cookie.

Oh, thanks.

So, did you get the job?

Oh, no.

There must have been a hundred people
there. I didn't stand a chance.

You'll do better next time.

These are for you.

Thanks, Mrs. Williams.

You're very nice.

I feel terrible about this.

Oh, that's okay.

A rule is a rule.

What's going on?

It's our policy here at the shelter.
People can only stay two weeks.

That's not fair.

Heather, we have to turn away dozens of
people every day.

That's not fair either.

Hey, I'll be okay.

I got a great spot under the turnpike.

Nobody took it.

Come on

in, Tom.

I'm sure this is a good idea.

Don't worry.

You'll stay in the attic. No one will
ever know you're here.

I got it after a wild weekend in Rio
with Mrs. Fields.

Well, good night.

Anything wrong?

Why should something be wrong?

No reason.

But if Wesley had that look on his face,
I'd be sleeping tonight with a gun.

go after a blinds open.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Is something going on?

No. Is there someone hiding in the
closet?

Yeah, there's a man in there. Some guy I
picked up off the street.

Guess that's the only way you're gonna
get one.

It's not the feather trick.

Good morning.

Hey, get that thing out of my face.

I'm sorry, George. I just love doing
that.

I always have.

I guess I throw a sleep watch in the
tube.

You're trying to avoid something else.

Morning. Bingo.

I waited up for you.

Yeah, well, I think I'm coming down with
a cold.

spreading it around rather well.

I think I better go up and take some
aspirin or something.

I hope I don't have to sleep alone again
tonight.

Don't look at me.

I don't know if this is going to work,
Kevin.

Oh, yes, it will. At least until we can
find you a job.

Here, look.

Here's one that pays $25 ,000 a year
with medical benefits, full dental, and

daycare. Where is it?

Divisional Multi...

System program analyst.

I don't know what it is either.

Oh, I'll get it. No, no, no, Tom, you're
supposed to say...

Like a shopping cart.

Thanks. I got it at the supermarket.

Tom, what are you doing?

Just helping out. I told you, you have
to stay in the attic or they'll find

Oh, that's right.

Is that me or does Tom seem a little
weird?

Why don't you ask Mr. Beaver?

Come on, you two. I'll guide you to the
store.

When did I polish this?

Coal's clear?

Yes, George. Your wife is upstairs
taking another cold shower.

Good. Why can't she leave me alone?

Beats the hell out of me.

It's not just Marsha, either. All of a
sudden, every woman I meet wants my bod.

My secretary, some meter maid, even the
cashier at Lumberama.

She tried to slip me a free can of
Spackle.

George, I think you're just imagining
all this because you're obsessed with

Whoopi.

My name's Yvette, and I'm selling
waterless cookware. Is your wife

Uh, no.

Want to steam some vegetables?

I guess you're just a meat and potatoes
man.

Hi, Mr. Botulism.

Hello, Angela.

I don't know what you're doing, but I'm
sure there's an irrational explanation

for it.

Who's this?

These are all my earthly belongings.

I've dropped out of society.

I'll drink to that.

Now I'm free.

Free as the breeze.

That must be what I hear whistling
between your ears.

Hi, Ant. Hi, Red. Oh, hello, Heather. I
want to thank you for all that extra

cleaning that you've been doing.

Huh? Well, you know, the banisters, the
window blinds, the lampshades. That was

you, wasn't it?

Well, sure. Who else could it be?

Maybe it was Tom.

For crying out loud, Marsh, get your
mind out of the gutter.

Hi, nice jacket.

Who the hell are you?

I'm Tom. I live here.

Who are you?

Oh, I see you two have met.

So I brought Tom here until I could get
him a job in a place of his own.

I thought I heard noises in the attic.

I just assumed that's where you were
sleeping.

I thought we had a squirrel up there. I
even put out some poison pellets.

My God, I thought those were licorice
bits.

Hey, everybody, there's some guy up in
the attic. We know, Wes.

You do?

He's a homeless man your sister's been
trying to hide.

You mean you were telling me the truth?

You're really warped.

Hey, look, kitten, I feel sorry for the
guy, but he just can't stay here.

But he's not by... bothering anyone.

Heather, your heart is in the right
place, but I'm afraid your father's

Don't get mad at Heather. It's my fault.

Hey, look, Tom, we're not blaming you or
anyone else.

I know times are tough.

Well, here's your clothes, Mr. Owens.
Oh, no, you keep them. And here's a

of bucks for you. No, thanks. I already
ate your food and stayed at your house.

Well, so does Belvedere, and we pay him.

Thanks. Maybe I can buy some new boots.

Wait, Tom. Maybe you can stay with
Angela.

Hasn't he suffered enough?

Mind the concierge.

Well, wait a second.

That's the shelter's address in case he
needs a meal.

Ah, here we are.

Tom. Hi, Heather. Hi, Mr. Belvedere.
Come on in.

Thank you.

You like my new apartment?

I bought him a new salary.

You mean you found a job?

Mr. Belvedere got me a job at Donut
World.

I carry a lot of weight around there.

Right now I mix the dough, but if I do
good, they'll let me dip them in

chocolate icing and put sprinkles on
them and maybe even squirt jelly in the

jelly donuts.

What's the matter, Heather? You look
sad.

It's just the newspaper's filled with
all these really good jobs.

Better than working in some donut shop.

I can't get those jobs.

They said I wasn't qualified.

Yeah, but you could get into a job
training program or something.

And I like my job.

It's fun.

Besides, I get to meet a lot of nice
policemen.

Yeah, but Tom, with a better job, you
could afford a really nice place.

Don't you want a balcony and a stereo
and a trash compactor?

a roof over my head and a bed to sleep
in with blankets and everything.

I thought I was doing pretty good.

You know something?

You're right.

You're doing great.

I'm really proud of you.

Heather, I think it's time we should go.

Tom has to be up early in the morning.

Yeah, I got to be at Donut World at 4 in
the morning.

I'll be there at 4 .15.

Thanks, Mr.

Belvedere, for getting him that job. It
was really nice of you. I just wish

there was more I could do.

Oh, Heather.

If everybody cared as much as you did,
there'd be far less people sleeping in

cardboard boxes than on steam grates.

Why did anyone have to sleep on a steam
grate?

Why, indeed.

Hi,

George.

Uh -oh.

I was at the club today.

Guess what happened?

You made a hole in one and they gave you
a free divot fixer?

I had lunch with the wives of your
golfing buddies.

Yeah? Yeah.

And you know how girls talk.

Well, it seems like we've all been
feeling a little neglected lately.

What do you know? And there's this rumor
going around about what really happened

to Barney.

I was beginning to think it was me.

Belvedere! You went shopping. What?

The movies with Heather.

so my heart's starting to pound.

It's a muscle. It needs exercise.

Oh, I'd die.

You'll have a smile on your face.

You know, come to think of it, so did
Barney.

dear, we'll be right back.

Heather continues to volunteer at the
shelter.

Tom stops by from time to time, usually
with a generous donation from Donut

World.

Meanwhile, the supermarket reclaimed
Angela's shopping cart, leaving her with

choice but to return to civilization.

Talk about paradise lost.

As for George, he somehow survived his
close encounter with Marsha.

And since then, I haven't seen much of
either of them.

Paradise regained.

To celebrate this season of goodwill,
the Owens is a pleasant surprise made by

agreeing to be on their best behavior.

From all of us, happy holidays.

Let me help.

Oh, thank you.

You know, Mom, this was the best
Christmas ever.

Really? Yeah, I mean, it was perfect.

We were all together, trimming the
trees, singing Christmas carols.

Dad didn't even make us watch Perry
Como's Christmasing.