All language subtitles for mr_belvedere_s05e04_pigskin

Good morning, ladies.

Why the long faces?

Is the mall closed for repairs?

Mr. Belvedere, you're old.

If you lived in a retirement home and
there was going to be a talent show and

Angela and I were going to be in it,
what would you like to see us do?

Disappear.

and we're trying to think of something
we can do together.

You know, like a team.

Well, I suppose the best thing you could
do is to determine what, if any, unique

talents you may both have in common.

Well, I can do this.

If you have anything that goes with
that,

I'd keep it to yourself.

It's very nice, honey.

It's not supposed to be nice. It's
supposed to be scary.

You scared me, Wesley.

Then again, you always do.

You ought to see this kid out there.
He's just itching to break some heads.

Right, Westman?

Yeah. Kill, kill, kill.

Oh, no. It's not that time of year
again.

Falling leaves and shattered
expectations.

George, I thought we weren't going to
push this football thing anymore.

I didn't push anything.

He dragged me out there.

Yeah, Mom. I mean, I've been working out
all summer, balking up. And when I go

to those tryouts tomorrow, I'm going to
make first string.

Come

on,

Marsh. I told you it wasn't my idea.

Huh. Actually, Mrs. Owens, I believe
George this time.

You do?

Wes is a junior high. He's more mature.

Perhaps he feels it's time to channel
all that psychopathic energy into

something more sporting than heaving
bricks through the Huffnagle's windows.

Either that or his hormones just got a
case of happy feet.

He knows football's the best way to reel
in the babes.

That's how I roped old Marshall.

Is that how you recall it, Mrs. Owens?

I really don't remember.

only ten at the time.

to our new rival.

Life is more than mere survival.

And we just might live the good life
yet.

You ready, Ange? Uh -huh. Okay, one,
two, three, go.

Oh,

Tim, too.

I thought for a moment that half an
eagle's cat got caught in our vacuum

cleaner.

No, this is what we came up with for the
talent show. See, we're...

these kazoos to everyone and lead all
the old people in a hum -a -long.

Or a gum -a -long if they don't have
their teeth in.

Hey,

Wes, how do I look?

Like a real mean machine, Miles.

Thanks. I think I got all this equipment
right, except I couldn't figure out

what to do with this slingshot.

I'll explain it to you later.

Okay, everybody, listen up.

I'm Coach Maxwell.

If you want to play football around
here, you're going to have to deal with

You got that?

Yeah. I don't hear you.

Yes, sir. All right.

As soon as I check you off, we're going
to hustle out there and see what

everybody can do.

All right, Anderson.

Right here, Coach.

Miller. Yo.

Uh, knob -noster.

Yes, sir.

You look like a knob -noster.

Corinne Buckley.

Corinne? That almost sounds like a
girl's name.

Right here, coach.

I'm Corinne Buckley. Except everybody
calls me Cory.

All right, settle down.

I think we've all seen a young lady
before.

Yeah, but not in a football uniform.

Yeah, and not in the boys' locker room
either.

Don't worry about it. It's not like I'm
going to be taking showers with you

guys.

All right, kiddies. Let's put a lid on
it.

Now, Cory came here because she wants to
play football.

And girl or no girl, she's going to have
to show me a little something just like

the rest of you meatballs.

Now, let's hustle out there.

Let's go.

Can't believe it. Now we're stuck with
some stupid girl on our team. Big deal.

First time she gets her hair messed up,
she'll be running back home to play with

her doll again. Yeah, right.

Did you have a good practice?

I think not.

What's the matter, pal? Didn't you make
first string?

No, I didn't. I got beat up by Cory
Buckley.

Well, who's he?

It's not a he, it's a she. You know,
like in Dame, Broad, Chick, Bimbo.

Hold it. You mean it's a girl?

I don't believe this.

I bust my butt all summer trying to get
good and what happens?

Vicky the Viking shows up and I'm stuck
on the bench.

Well, honey, we know that you work very
hard and it's okay to feel bad, but you

shouldn't resent Cory just because she's
a girl.

Yeah, look on the bright side, Jeff.

Maybe she'll get creamed out there.

Hey, I'll tell you what, pal.

Kevin and I will take you out. We'll
work on some new moves after dinner.

That's okay.

I'm not feeling very hungry. I'll just
be up in my room.

Okay, everybody. Great game.

Good hands, Buckley. Like the way you
picked off that pass.

Thanks, Coach.

All right, gentlemen. Let's hit the
showers.

I mean, as soon as our star player
excuses herself.

Go ahead.

Don't feel so bad. I didn't get to play
either.

You've got an excuse.

You've got a Buick at that steer face.

There she is, the jockless wonder.

Hey, you've got to admit, she's pretty
good.

I think she likes you, too.

Hi, Wesley.

Oh, hi, Corey. I was just thinking about
you.

Really? Uh, yeah.

Congratulations on that interception. Of
course, I didn't actually get to see

it. The coach sent me to the store for
more Gatorade.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry you didn't get to play.

Hey, that's okay.

It's kind of a tradition in my family.

You know, I've been watching the way you
play.

Like your practice and stuff.

And I was thinking, maybe I could help
you a little.

Help me a little do what?

I don't know. Get better, I guess.

That's okay. I prefer to stink on my
own.

You know...

You drop your eyes every time you try to
make a tackle.

I do?

I mean, of course I do. Sometimes
there's money down there.

Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt if you
came over once.

Great. How about tomorrow?

Great.

Hey, you guys done yet? I mean, some of
us would like to take our clothes off.

Oh, sorry.

is more than enough.

Oh, well, Angela.

Back to the old...

Geography, remember? I asked you where
the Matterhorn was.

Oh.

Disneyland?

I'm sorry. It's in Switzerland, right?

Right. It must be really beautiful there
in the winter.

Yeah, I guess. That's where everybody
sends their money.

Oh, hi, Mom. Hey, Dad. Hey, West Van.
Who's your little friend?

Oh, Mom, Dad, this is Cory Buckley.

Hi. Well, hi, Cory. What a surprise.
We've heard quite a bit about you.

Yeah, we've heard so much, we're kind of
surprised to see you here.

Oh, well, I'm sort of helping Coy with
her geography, because she's sort of

helping me learn to tackle.

Oh, hey, Wes, I thought your old pop
show job was to do those moves.

So he's the one.

I'll be upstairs.

Well, it was nice meeting you both.

Look, I'm going to go get a soda. You
want one? Sure.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere.

Hello, Wesley.

Your friend, Corey, seems nice. Mm -hmm.

I think it was very considerate of her
to drop by today to help you with your

footballing.

Yeah, she's all right. It's not going to
make any difference, though.

Oh? I mean, she's bigger than me. She's
faster than me.

Unless she gets pregnant or something,
I'm never going to get to play.

Let's keep a good thought.

Hey, Lex.

Hey.

Hey, kids, can I ask you something?

Sure. What does it mean if a girl starts
looking at you all dopey like this?

Well, if she's looking at you, then it
probably means she's going to be sick.

But if it was me, probably mean I was in
love.

Oh, yeah?

You mean like the kind of love where you
can't remember things or concentrate on

things or catch things?

Yeah, I guess so.

Thanks, sis.

So sorry to keep you waiting.

Oh, that's okay.

I do hope you like root beer.

Corinne.

old people.

Come on, Mr. Belvedere, was it really
that bad?

Well, apart from the jokes being
insulting and sensitive and

found your routine refreshingly
tasteless.

Gee, and I was worried you weren't going
to like it.

Angela, we hated it. We stunk.

What do you mean, we? It was your stupid
idea.

You didn't even try what I wanted to do.
You mean synchronized swimming? Sorry,

Ange, it's a little tough to do on
linoleum.

I'm leaving.

Oh, where are you going looking so
spiffy?

Oh, nowhere special. Just taking Corinne
to the movies.

Really? You know, I'm proud of you,
Wesley, being so civilized to the girl

keeping you on the bench.

Well, she's got her moves and I've got
mine. See ya.

We're back.

Wesley, what happened to your uniform?

The kid actually got to play.

Yeah, champ, and you almost recovered
that ball. You fumbled and everything.

What happened to your friend, Corey?

Oh, nothing. The coach just decided to
take her out for a couple plays.

Yeah, I don't know what the big deal is
about her.

She couldn't hold on to a ball if they
covered her with crazy glue.

Yeah,

the poor thing. When she finally got the
ball, she started running in the wrong

direction. I just don't think her mind
was on the game.

Yeah, well, happens to the best of us.

this time make it two dozen roses.

Oh, and on the card just put with love
from your secret admirer. That ought to

get her jello shaking.

Ha, ha.

Who's got her in my life?

Wesley, what are you doing?

Oh, nothing. It's just Corinne had kind
of a lousy day today and I figured some

flowers might cheer her up. How
incredibly thoughtful.

Yeah, well, she told me she likes that
kind of stuff on account that she's got

six older brothers and nobody hardly
ever treats her like a girl. I see.

her like a girl and perhaps she'll act
like one, eh?

Wesley, you're just toying with that
girl's emotions so you can play that

game.

Yeah, so?

So you have graduated from juvenile
delinquency to sexual terrorism.

Congratulations.

Hey, look, if I mess with her head a
little and get to play once in a while,

what's the big deal?

I mean, she's getting something out of
this, too, you know. Yesterday I sent

balloons. I assume it was your hot air
that blew them up.

Used to dance with Fred Astaire.

Who? Never mind.

Oh, incidentally, Angela dropped by
today.

Oh, yeah? What for?

Ostensibly to return my Ginsu knives.

She couldn't find anybody to throw them
at.

Between you and me, I think she was here
to snoop.

Well, I hope you didn't tell her about
my ass.

I'll get it.

Hi, Mr. Belvedere.

Hello.

Didn't we meet on a summer cruise?

Oh, Mr. Belvedere, it's me, Corinne.

Well, I must say, I didn't recognize
you.

Do you think Wesley will like it?

He's always saying how he likes his
women soft and frilly.

So I thought I'd surprise him.

Well, I'm certain you'll do that.

Hi, Wesley.

Corinne?

Put in that junk. We've got a game in 20
minutes.

Yeah, well, I'm not playing today.

I sort of quit the team.

What'd you do a thing like that for?

Perhaps she thought it was the frilly
thing to do.

Yeah, well, I better go get suited up.
See ya. Wesley, you know, there's a

at school right after the game, and I
was kind of hoping that we could go

together.

Gee, I'd love to, Corinne, but I think
I've already got plans.

Don't I, Mr. Bellier?

Yes. Wesley has to go to a funeral.

Guess whose.

All right, gentlemen, we're not dead
yet. It's only halftime.

Come on, coach.

It's 35 to nothing.

Without Corey here, we're dead.

Come on, she's not that great.

She was until you started messing with
her head, Mr. Heartbreaker.

Listen, you boys talk amongst yourself.

I'll be in my office.

My soundproof office.

So, anyone care to join me in a team
prayer?

Look, I didn't know she was going to
quit. I mean, women, try and figure her,

right?

Okay, okay.

I'll get her back. I'll just tell her I
changed my mind. I like women in

shoulder pads.

Tell her the truth?

That I only pretended to like her
because I wanted her out of the way?

I'm back.

All right!

Looks like you guys just couldn't get
along without me.

Most of you, anyway.

All right!

We got our team back.

So what are we standing around for?

Let's kick some heinies!

I take it we're feeling a bit put upon.

What's the matter with me, Mr.
Belvedere?

Why am I such... scum?

I mean, Cory was nice to me. She tried
to help me be a better player, and what

do I do?

Something devious and demented.

I don't know.

Maybe I should look into that shock
therapy stuff you're always talking

That's certainly one option.

I mean, she hates me, the team hates me.
I'm never going to get to play again

anyway. Maybe I should just run away and
hide.

Seems everyone out there thinks it's a
good idea.

Just make sure you do, too.

Great game, guys.

Thanks a lot.

Hey, Corinne. Hey.

You're really creaming that quarterback.

No big deal.

I just pretended he was you.

Oh, that probably explains why you kept
doing it after the game was over.

Look, I know you probably hate my guts
right now, but I just wanted to tell you

that I'm sorry.

Yeah, right.

And in case I didn't mention it before,
I think you look real pretty in that

dress. Oh, really?

did was use me, take advantage of my
affections.

I used to doodle your name in my
playbook.

Well, Corinne, could you put me back
down on the floor, please?

I'm sorry.

That's okay. I guess I had it coming.

Yeah, you did.

So, friends?

Yeah, friends.

And I really think you look pretty in
that dress.

Honest.

Thanks.

As long as we're being honest, I think
you should go out for band.

Thanks.

So you want to?

You mean a slow one?

I'll sip all over your toes.

That's okay. I probably deserve that
too.

Dear, we'll be right back.

At any rate, I'm happy to report that
Wesley and Corinne have become the best

friends.

Especially since Wesley gave up the
gridiron for the glochenspiel.

As for Heather and Angela, their little
talent show is finally over.

And at last, I can get a little peace
and quiet around here.

I'm Ted Koppel. Later on Nightline, if
all the noise and bombast of this

campaign have left you cloudy on where
the candidates stand on key issues, this

broadcast is for you.

Sunday at 7, after 144 days lost in a
drifted sea, Costa Rican fishermen tell

their miraculous survival on Incredible
Sunday.

Tuesday night, from the Election Command
Center, Peter Jennings and David

Brinkley will lead the best political
team in the business.