All language subtitles for The Ropers s02e08 Odd Couples

Stanley, it's 11 o 'clock. Why aren't
you dressed?

Trying to fix the toaster. The bread
won't pop up.

Yeah, well, when a thing gets old, it
doesn't work so good.

Well, we never use it.

Especially when you never use it.

Something wrong with the wiring. All it
needs is a little expert attention.

So, why don't you take it to the repair
shop?

Are you kidding? They went eight bucks.
You know what I could buy for eight

bucks? My next two birthday presents.

Oh, darling.

I wish you'd learn to control yourself.

My husband could be home any moment.

And? Gotcha.

Hi. Hi.

How was your day? Oh, it's terrific.

And I think I have a buyer for Town
Health 204.

Oh, Jeffrey, that's great. Who is it?
Oh, it's Mr.

Roland Calvert, and he's willing to pay
the full price.

Terrific. I wonder if that means I
wasn't asking enough.

Jeffrey, I'm so proud of you. You are
one super salesman. Oh, that's very

Oh, I think you're going to like
Calvert. He's ideal for this

You mean friendly? No, I mean rich.

Now, this... Calls for a celebration.
Oh, you are absolutely right.

Well, where should we go?

Up there would be nice.

Do you smell something burning?

Oh, come on, Jeffrey. You're not that
good.

Fire! Fire!

Maybe you are.

Fire? It's coming from next door. Fire!

Fire, fire.

Where? Fire, fire.

Where, where?

There, there.

Oh, my. Fire, fire, fire.

Fire, fire, fire.

The fire's out.

Oh, Stanley was making toast.

What was Stanley using, a blowtorch?

Electrical fires are like that. Well, as
long as everything's under control, why

don't we... Did you say electrical fire?

Yeah, the sparks came right out of the
wall.

I'll tell you, there's something wrong
with the wiring.

Electrical fire, this could ruin me.

What'd you say? I said it's about noon.

The fire spreads so fast.

I mean, from the kitchen curtains to the
plastic tablecloth.

It even sent Stanley's underpants.

That must have been painful.

Oh, they were in a pile waiting to be
ironed.

Electrical pile. Well, now, the most
important thing is that you're both all

right. And show our friends into our
house.

What? Where they can rest and recover
from this...

Tiny little inconvenience.

Oh, come on now, Mr. Brooks. You don't
want to do all that. Now, please,

Mrs. Roper. I'm sorry. I insist.

Now, inside.

Come on in.

In. And some drink for our friend.

I'll have beer.

Oh, a beer.

Did you hear that, Ann? A beer.

Oh, how modest the request.

No, no. We must have good wine for our
good friend.

Oh, you must have got any trouble.

Oh, Mr.

Burton. You hear what he said, he can
sit.

Please, sit down.

Here,

this will calm your nerves. Oh, I hope
so.

Ah,

isn't that good?

Yeah. Don't you have any beer?

I told you, I don't have... But, gee,
I'd be glad to go out and get you some.

Oh, drink your wine.

You're drinking Chateauneuf -de -Pape
1969.

1969?

Thought it tasted a little stale.

I just hate to think of all that smelly
smoke and the damage to our kitchen. Oh,

now, please, Mrs. Roper, you let me
worry about that.

You? Sure, I'll have a team of painters
over here in half an hour. They'll have

your place back in shape in no time.

intergalactical ray gun please not not
now little fella i gotta fix something

much bigger a space monster you could
say that your husband is being so

nice i know isn't that funny how how you
don't really get to know a person even

though you live right next door to them
or even closer than that it's all

settled your place will soon be as good
as new oh you know

Brooks, you are really something. Isn't
he?

Now, in the meantime, if there's
anything I can do while you just... Oh,

done so much already.

How about some scotch? Of course, some
scotch.

Coming right up, and you just make
yourselves right at home, all right?

Thank you.

Hey, watch where you're putting your
bits!

I mean, uh, golly.

Careful, Finn.

What is that thing, anyway? Oh, well,
this thing is a very delicate and

expensive pre -Columbian sculpture.

It can actually shatter from heavy
breathing.

You don't have to worry. We haven't done
any of that in weeks.

I'll just get some cheese and crackers.
Oh, that's a good idea, Ann. I'll give

you a hand. Oh, now, Stanley, come on.
Help yourself to the scotch.

Uh, excuse me now. I'm sure you two have
something to talk about.

Exchange fire tails.

Jeffrey, why are you acting so strange?

Strange? I was being nice to them.

That's what I mean.

And these people are in trouble. It's
the least we can do to help them.

Jeffrey, I'm so glad to hear you say
that.

After all, the painter did say to have
their place ready this afternoon.

Even I can put up with the ropers for a
few hours.

Don't you have to call a plumber?

Why, little fella?

I heard you talking on the phone. You
said if Mr. Roper blabs about the fire,

the rest of the townhouses would go down
the toilet.

You said what?

Anne, I... Of all the folks? Are you
going to fight now?

Just me. Go upstairs and play, David.
No, no, no. I was just about to pick

intergalactical space gun. I hope it's
loaded.

Anne! Go on. Go upstairs, David.

Oh, Jeffrey, and I thought you were
concerned.

Oh, believe me, I am concerned, and with
good reason.

Are you worried about something?

Oh, no. Yes.

Ann, what if by some slim possibility,
the Roper's fire was actually caused

because of faulty wiring?

Jeffrey, that wouldn't be your
responsibility.

You were only the real estate agent.
Ann, you don't understand. There was a

similar fire at that other development,
Kingston Condominiums, and when a

vicious rumor circulated about faulty
wiring, well...

And they still have ten units they
cannot sell.

Ann, don't you understand? I could be
ruined.

I thought you were being nice to them
because it was the right thing to do. It

is the right thing to do. Otherwise,
I'll blow this ale to Mr. Calvert.

Stanley, you have got to tell Mr. Brooks
the truth about how the fire started.

It's the only right thing to do.

Helen, accidents are accidents. It could
happen to anybody.

Oh, no.

It takes a special talent to short out
the toaster, burn up the kitchen

curtains, and then try to smother the
fire with a plastic tablecloth.

You make it sound like it was my fault.

Look, Stanley, are you going to tell Mr.
Brooks the truth or not? Will you keep

your voice down?

The insurance company finds out how the
fire started. The premiums will go right

through the roof. Do you understand?

Yeah, I understand.

Well, here we are. I'll put on the
coffee.

Mr. Brooks, my husband would like to
talk to you about the fire.

I thought he would.

Johnny, you straighten everything out
with Mr. Brooks, you hear?

And I'm going to go in the kitchen and
help Ann.

Helen thinks that we should talk
about... Oh, Stanley, old pal, you

wish I had a nickel for every house that
had a teeny -weeny -eeny little bit of

faulty wiring in it.

Wait a minute.

You mean our house has faulty wiring?

Well, it's only a possibility.

You mean we're living in a death trap?
No, no, no.

People get killed in death traps. But
Stanley, you were not hurt.

No, but the furniture was scorched, and
the curtains were singed, and my wife

smells like a barbecue.

We can burst you for any damage. And
what about the plastic tablecloth?

What'd you say? I'll pay for everything,
even your underpants.

Just let's forget it ever happened, huh?

Well, I'll try.

Did you straighten everything out with
Mr. Brooks? Oh, don't worry, Mrs. Roper.

We had a nice little talk and everything
is taken care of. Oh, Stanley, I'm so

proud of you.

Now, don't you feel better?

Much better, much better.

Jeffrey, more scotch.

Coming right up, Stanley. I want you two
to know that you are welcome to stay

here as long as the painters are fixing
up your place.

Thank you. Please, please, will you make
yourselves at home? Whatever you say,

Jeffrey, old boy.

Jeffrey, that was the painters.

They can't come until tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Oh, no.

Oh, I won't be able to sleep with that
horrible smell of smoke.

Me neither.

You won't have to.

Like Jeffrey said, you must stay here
until your place is painted.

I'll go fix up the guests.

No, David. Now you've had enough water.
Get back to bed.

I don't know where he puts it all.

Ann, have you noticed how much I've aged
since the Ropers came?

Jeffrey, they've only been staying with
us for a few hours.

Ann is a magician.

He made two of my most expensive bottles
of wine just disappear.

I don't hear you.

And look on the bright side. The
painters will be here in the morning.

better be, because if he stays one
minute longer, I... Oh, it's late,

Can't you forget about the Ropers? Oh,
forget about the Ropers.

Can a turkey forget about Thanksgiving?

Jeffrey. Can the Navy forget about Pearl
Harbor?

Can Macy forget about Gimbel?

Forget about them.

Forget about who?

Oh, no. It's David again.

What do you want, honey?

You got an aspirin, honey?

I don't like to disturb you. Then don't.

I've got this terrible headache, and I
was wondering...

What happened? Did the pajamas shrink?

Certainly not.

These are pure silk. Ann gave them to
me.

You wear your wife's pajamas?

No. Don't you understand? Ann bought
them at a very exclusive... Why am I

explaining this to him?

Nice bedroom you got here.

Thank you.

Bookshelves and TV.

You and your husband must spend a lot of
time in here.

I mean, reading, watching TV.

Sleeping.

Hey, Roper, this should get rid of your
headache.

Tomorrow, I get rid of mine.

You got one, too?

I bet it was that cheap wine.

Good night, Roper.

Night.

Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite.

I will be calm.

Forget about them.

You're right. Now, where were we?

Oh, no.

I can't sleep in that room. You can't
sleep in this one.

I was wondering if I could borrow your
TV. See, TV helps me to sleep. There's a

TV in the living room. You can watch
that.

I know. If I watch that, then I'll be
asleep and I'll have to wake up to go

upstairs. Then I won't be asleep
anymore.

Take it.

my dead body.

As always.

Look, do you want to lend us the TV for
the night?

Oh, isn't that nice of you?

It was nothing.

Are you sure you don't want to watch
Johnny Carson?

Mrs. Rupert. Oh, you know, he has,
sometimes he has these wild animals on

the zoo.

I think he's really very brave the way
he handles them. Don't you?

You know, Ant, have you ever been near a
wild animal?

No. But I think I will be in a minute.

Helen, why do you bother these people?
Can't you see they want to go to bed?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Come on, be turned to the Alamo's on
tonight.

Here. Oh, oh, oh, thank you.

Nowhere, Ann.

You mean you don't want me? Maybe never
again.

Just remembered I have an early morning
appointment with Mr. Calvert tonight.

I've got to go to sleep.

Good night, dear.

Good night.

I'm afraid that's the last piece.

You gonna eat that?

Yeah, maybe.

That's okay. He can have it. Thanks.

There was no hot water for my shower.

That's funny. There was plenty for mine.

May I speak with you one moment, please?

Want to see my book?

I don't think so.

It's one of my favorites, Archie and
Jughead.

Oh, comics. Why didn't you say so?

There's no need to be upset.

No need to be upset?

No need to be upset. I can't shower. I
can't sleep.

And last night, I couldn't... Ann, I
want those people out of here by this

afternoon. Yes, dear. I'm going to say
goodbye to David.

Will you look at those two boobs?

Archie and Jughead, they really make me
laugh.

Ann, make that this morning.

Goodbye, David.

And I'm going to the office to see Mr.
Calvert. Perhaps he can bring a touch of

class to the neighborhood.

Sure can use it.

Goodbye. The electrical inspector will
be here today. Just tell him how the

started and he'll take care of
everything.

Right. Oh!

I'm Mr. Calvert.

Oh, I'm not Mrs. Brooks. I'm Mrs.

Roper. Oh, I'm sorry.

You're sorry.

Come in. Oh, thank you. Mrs.

Brooks is out, but she'll be back in a
few minutes. Oh, good.

I'm afraid I was a little tardy for my
appointment with her husband this

morning.

I'm buying one of the townhouses.

Oh, no.

His office told me he was on his way
back here.

Oh, good, good.

This gentleman is here to see Mr.

Brooks about... No, I know all about it.
I'll talk to him. Oh, oh, all right.

Listen, I want to go and check on the
painters, so... Very nice to have met

Well, thank you.

So, you want to know all about the fire?

The fire?

Yeah, I know who I want to talk to.

The fire was next door, and it's my
house.

The whole place almost burned down
because of the faulty wiring.

All hay wiring? The worst.

And it led to an electrical fire?

They don't make things like they used
to. You know, they cut corners right and

left. Oh, they do, do they?

Anything to make a buck.

Very interesting.

I just hope you're going to do something
about it.

Oh, you can count on it.

Nice to see you. Oh, I brought the
papers.

Oh, never mind. I told them all about
the fire.

What?

And you should be ashamed of yourself,
Brooks, passing off these fire traps as

luxury townhouses.

Mr. Cowan, you don't understand. You...
You should be put in jail.

Isn't he going to inspect the wiring?

That was prospective fire, you idiot.

Do you...

realize that you have just... Oh,

Stanley!

Our house is ready. We can go home now.

Late. You're too late.

You did a good job.

Oh, yeah. The place looks beautiful.

Believe me.

I'm not going to let Stanley fix any
more toasters.

What did you say? Come on, let's go,
Helen. You don't want to bother these

people anymore. Oh, Stanley's fixing the
wiring on our toaster.

What? You didn't tell him. Come on, will
you?

Stanley started the fire by shorting out
our toaster.

Hooper, you didn't tell me about that.

I didn't want you to get upset.

Upset?

Upset?

Why? Why would I be upset? Just because
you blew the sale to Calvert, just

because you have destroyed my entire
reputation as a salesman of honest real

estate is totally a lie!

Come

on, Alan, before

he gets upset.

The Brooks check to pay the painters.

Well, I thought Mr. Brooks wasn't going
to pay you because it was your fault.

That's right.

But Ann reminded him that he promised.

In fact, she signed the check. Look.

But Stanley, you started the fire.

That's not the point.

Ann did the right thing.

Sometimes a woman has to take the
responsibility to do what's right.

I got it. I got it. You got what?

The Brooks check to pay the painters.

Well, I thought Mr. Brooks wasn't going
to pay you because it was your fault.

That's right.

But Ann reminded him that he promised.

In fact, she signed the check.

Look.

But Stanley, you started the fire.

That's not the point.

Ann did the right thing.

Sometimes a woman has to take the
responsibility to do what's right.

Since you put it that way.

The Ropers was videotaped in front of a
studio audience.

After Jack makes a sour investment with
Vicki's tax refund, Jack takes out a

second job to repay her.

Three's A Crowd is next on Deja View.