All language subtitles for The Ropers s01e03 Your Money Or Your Life

Kate, dear, are you all right?

Oh, I'm okay. I just can't believe that
my husband, my Theodore, is gone. Oh, I

know, I know.

I want to thank you for inviting
everybody here after the funeral.

My pleasure.

After all, you are Stanley's aunt, and
it's the least I can do for the family.

That's true.

Hey, dear, have a sandwich. You need to
keep up your strength.

Oh, I'm not hungry.

I had the driver stop on the way to the
cemetery for a pizza.

Oh, I'm just fine.

Wasn't it a beautiful funeral?

Theodore would have loved it if he could
have been there.

He was there.

Your poor Uncle Theodore. Always on the
go.

Always had his hands full.

I'm sure he did.

Daniel, you embarrassed me so at the
funeral.

I couldn't help dropping a wreath.

Well, you didn't have to run after it.

Especially since you were one of the
pallbearers.

Well, there were five others. They were
all taller than me.

They didn't even notice I was gone.

Kate seems to be taking her loss very
well.

Oh, yes, she is, Uncle Bert.

If you want my opinion, I think it was
Kate that finished him off.

What? She was too demanding.

Physically, if you know what I mean.

Oh, I do.

You don't have to worry, Stanley. You'll
live to be a hundred.

Helen, I had no idea funerals were so
expensive.

Oh, I know.

Does Stanley have enough coverage?

I don't know.

Helen, it's for your own protection.

If I were you, I'd make sure that
Stanley had plenty of coverage.

If life has to go on, let it go on well.

Equal? Three.

Very good.

I had to double park in front of my own
house.

Jeffrey, try to be a little
understanding.

There's been a funeral.

Mr. Roper?

No, a relative.

That's too bad.

I'll explain that to you when you're a
little older.

Why? Does it have something to do with
sex?

No. No, absolutely not.

It's when a bunch of people take up all
your parking spaces to say goodbye to

somebody who's dead.

What's dead?

Dead is... It's about time for dinner,
isn't it,

Ann? No.

Thank you.

All right, well, uh... Dead is, uh...
It's when an angel, all in white

with big, beautiful wings...

flies down and takes you back up to
heaven.

What's heaven?

Aha.

Heaven is a wonderful place up in the
clouds.

What's wonderful about it? Oh, because
in heaven you can have all the toys you

like and you can eat all the candy you
want and you never get sick.

Can I be dead and go to heaven?

Do you know how at the end of the day
you feel tired and it's time to go to

sleep? Yeah.

Well, it doesn't happen for a long, long
time, but people grow old and they get

tired and then it's time for them to
die. That makes sense.

Anybody could have explained it like
that.

Oh, Stanley, you just don't know how to
talk to people.

What?

like funerals or weddings.

I need a drink.

Danny, are you insured?

Why? I'm only having a small one.

I'm serious.

I mean, suppose you got hit by a bus.

It'll run through here.

How do you do? I'm Bill Marsh from
Eternal...

I'm here to see Mrs. Kate Morgan.

Oh, oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I'm afraid she's gone.

So soon after her husband?

No, I mean she... Oh, oh, that's gone.

Well, I just dropped by to give her the
guest book and the sympathy cards. I've

already mailed the bill.

I'll see that she gets them.

Would you like a cup of coffee, you say?
Oh, no, no. I've got to get back.

There's some customers waiting.

Don't you worry. They're not going to
run away.

It was a lovely funeral, Mr. Marsh.

Oh, I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

You know, most people think a funeral
just happens.

A couple of cars, a hearse, a hole in
the ground, and that's it. But you've

no idea how much work is involved.

Oh, I'm sure.

Mr. Marsh.

How much does a funeral like that cost?

Can't you wait?

I'm not dead yet.

Oh, is this the loved one?

Not if he doesn't get insurance.

Well, when you're ready, I hope you'll
think of us. Oh, I will.

Goodbye now.

Oh, that looks so good. Thank you.

Mr. Roper, I'm sorry about your uncle.

I brought you this cake. Oh, thank you
very much. I'll put it in the fridge.

Oh, that's so sweet of you, Ann.

Well, if there's anything else I can do,
you just let me know. Oh, I will. Oh,

hey, wait a minute.

Didn't you once tell me that your
husband also sells life insurance?

Yes, he does.

Well, would it be okay if Stanley and I
come over and talk to him? Oh, of

course. He'd love to talk to you, but
right now he's outside in the hot tub.

Do you know, we've lived here almost a
month, and we haven't even been to the

swimming pool, much less the hot tub.
Well, you ought to try it. It's fun.

Yeah. It always turns Jeffrey on.

My teacher wants me to be alone.

We understand.

Come on, Helen. Let's talk. Oh, we
wanted to talk to you about buying some

insurance.

However, there's nothing like group
meditation. Come on in.

He should be insured for his full value
as a husband.

As little as that?

How about $50 ,000?

Forget it.

Hello, Mr. Brooks. Hello, girls. Linda,
Marilyn, say hello to Mr. and Mrs.

Roper. Hello, hi.

Let's not be so formal. I'm Stanley.
She's Mrs. Roper.

A couple of cookies, huh?

No,

it's perfect. It's just right. Come on
in.

I may never get out.

You'll bring the water to a boil.

Now, I'm getting back to insurance,
Roper.

I thought it was my wife.

You may need insurance sooner than you
think.

What business are you in, Mr. Rober?

Oh, I'm sort of retired.

Really?

You don't look that old.

Oh, I'm not. I'm not. I just made a
killing, that's all.

In what?

Fertilizer.

No,

he's just kidding. Actually, I told him
a very high -priced piece of property.

Oh, then you can easily afford a $50
,000 policy.

Of course he can. Of course I can.

Wait. Can we talk about this some other
time? Oh, what's the matter, Roper? You

afraid you can't pass the physical?

What are you talking about? I'm in
perfect shape from head to toe. Right,

I don't remember.

Well, I am. I am. Well, good. It's all
settled. $50 ,000.

All you have to do now is give me the
first check for the premium.

Helen, go get him a check. I'll wait
here.

Someone's tickling my feet again.

Medical examinations. They're so
personal.

Telling you to turn your head and cough.

Just a simple checkup.

You're not having a transplant.

Well, I just don't trust doctors.

They're always telling me there's
nothing wrong with me.

You're a hypochondriac.

That's because they haven't found
anything yet.

Good morning. I'm Dr. Young.

Oh, my God.

Everything off?

Everything? Even your garters.

You women doctors, to you I'm not really
a man, am I?

Well, I don't know. I haven't seen you
yet.

I said breathe, mister. I am, I am.

Tell me, what's wrong?

Just relax.

Oh, by the way, doctor, I, uh, I really
enjoyed Roots.

Really?

You really went through a lot when you
first came here.

UCLA wasn't so bad.

It pumps like clockwork.

It is pumping, isn't it?

We'll let you know.

What are you going to let me know about
the result of the exam?

They'll notify your insurance agent
within two days.

You're all finished with me then?

Not yet.

Relax. The doctor said I'd hear in two
days.

Well, this is just the second day.

It's bad news, Helen. I just know it's
bad news.

Well, what makes you think that?

She told me to breathe, and I was
breathing.

She didn't hear me. I was breathing like
this.

Oh, I haven't heard you breathe like
that in years.

I'm a sick man, Helen. The pain.

Oh, that's just heartbreak.

No, I eat your cooking. I know hard
work.

Oh, my God. My God.

What? What? What? What is it? My ears.

What's the matter with your ears?
They're clicking.

They're what?

They're clicking, like this.

What do you think it is?

Here, take my temperature. I think I got
a temperature.

Hold my... No, no, no, don't do it like
that. Do it like my mother used to do,

with your lips.

They're more sensitive.

Am I hot?

Not yet, but give me a chance.

You're sweet, and you're totally non
-fattening.

Hi, David.

Stay good.

Daddy, will you read me a story?

Oh, sure, sure, of course.

But, uh, just one story, and then you go
to bed, right, little fella? Yes.

Let's see now.

No.

Here's a short one.

I mean, here's a good one.

Billy and his talking bicycle.

Oh, good. I love that one.

Okay, now here we go, David.

Careful,

please. Careful, please.

Billy's bicycle was beautiful.

beautiful Billy's bicycle had a horn
that went

He thinks I'm an idiot.

Yes, hello.

Yes, it is.

Oh, that's amazing.

That is amazing.

Yes, thank you.

What's amazing?

Roper passed his physical.

Oh, I'm glad.

Did anybody ever tell you that you have
a sexy neck?

You better tell Mr. Roper.

That you have a sexy man.

No, that he passes physical. He's been
very anxious to hear.

And I don't think it's fair to keep a
man waiting.

Oh, I'm glad you agree.

I don't trust my eyes.

Helen.

What is it, dear?

A few things I want to tell you before I
go.

I think you have a couple of minutes
left.

I'm going fast.

I feel terrible about not telling you
some things that I should have, but

did. What sort of things?

Said you're the only woman I ever loved.

You're the most wonderful woman in the
world.

And my life would have been worthless
without you.

Oh, Stanley.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Even if they aren't true, I should have
told you.

And when you're all well, I'm going to
kill you.

Unless... Nah, it's too late now. Too
late for what?

Nah, never mind. What? What?

Oh,

well, all right.

See,

I was reading in that magazine about how
making love is like a miracle drug. It

just puts new life in people.

You mean if we... Well, that's what...

Of course, I'm willing to drive you. I

don't think I can make it to the
bedroom.

I'll carry you. I can manage.

I can manage.

Oh, no, no, no.

Look, Stanley, don't move.

Stay right there.

I'll get rid of them.

Oh, no.

It'll only take one moment. I know, I
know.

Who's Roper? You passed your insurance
exam.

I did?

Then I'm all right?

Medically speaking.

I'm going to live, Helen. I'm going to
live.

Mr. Brooks, if you don't mind, my
husband and I... Helen, Helen, didn't

what he said?

I'm all right.

Now we don't have to.

but the doctor told me this tub is good
for my health.

You're not fooling me.

You're just waiting for those two girls
to show up.

That's not true.

This is purely medicinal.

Medicinal, my foot.

Are the toothbrushes coming this
morning?

Mm -hmm.

Well, um, here they are now.

The Ropers was videotaped in front of a
studio audience.