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(MUSIC PLAYING)
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MAN: (SINGING)
It was Christmas Eve, babe
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In the drunk tank
4
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An old man said to me
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Won't see another one
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And then we sang a song
7
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The Rare Old Mountain's Dew
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I turned my face away
9
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And dreamed about you...
10
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(LAUGHING)
11
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Hey, this one looks good.
12
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What in the fires of Ogord
y'all think you doing?
13
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Hey, Captain. We're just, uh...
Have you ever heard of Christmas?
14
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What?
15
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Well, it's a celebration we have
once a year on Earth,
16
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where everybody gets presents
for each other.
17
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So, me and Kraglin made this tree
and we got gifts for everyone.
18
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It was Pete's idea.
19
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Eh...
20
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-And this one here's for you.
-Don't come at me with no damn gifts.
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What a Ravager gets, he works for.
We ain't about no damn handouts.
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-It's more like a sign of appreciation.
-That sounds more like sentiment, boy.
23
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That may be okay for you
mushy types on Terra,
24
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but out here in the cold rigors of space,
it's what'll get you killed.
25
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And you, you ought to know better.
26
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Now, get this crap out of here.
27
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If it ain't out of here before I get back,
28
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you're both gonna be cleaning the latrines
for the rest of the damn year.
29
00:02:00,979 --> 00:02:04,771
-But that's Gef's favorite job.
-You talking back now, Kraglin?
30
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No.
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(YELLING ANGRILY)
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I hate Christmas!
33
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And that's how
Yondu ruined Christmas forever.
34
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That is so sad.
35
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(LAUGHS)
36
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I like the part where Yondu
kicked over the tree.
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(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
38
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Anyways, I just saw on the Multi-calendar
39
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that right now on Earth,
it's almost Christmastime.
40
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So, yeah, it kind of brings back
some memories.
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Yondu had a point.
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Ever since buying Knowhere
from The Collector,
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we don't have time for trivialities
like Christmas.
44
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This place needs a lot of fixing up
before it's livable.
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-Yeah, I reckon we've got work to do.
-Yeah.
46
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That was such a heartbreaking story.
47
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I know. I hate stories
where everybody lives.
48
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-Thank you.
-Yeah.
49
00:03:21,354 --> 00:03:24,562
Cosmo, what use is telekinesis
if you can't even aim?
50
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COSMO: You wanna do it? Do it.
51
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Just concentrate, you stupid mutt.
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(BARKS)
53
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What?
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COSMO: I refuse to do any more work
while you demean me.
55
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All right, all right.
I'm sorry. Chill out.
56
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COSMO: Also, I want one of those
delicious treats in that bag.
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(ROCKET GROANS)
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(BARKS)
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(COSMO GIGGLES)
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ROCKET: All right, that's it.
Back to work.
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BZERMIKITOKOLOK: Here he comes.
62
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Hey, Peter.
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00:04:02,521 --> 00:04:04,437
Oh. Hi, Bzermikitokolok.
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00:04:04,604 --> 00:04:06,396
My bandmates and I have been mastering
65
00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:09,479
these old Earth instruments
and working on a little ditty.
66
00:04:09,562 --> 00:04:11,354
And I thought you might
be able to help us out
67
00:04:11,437 --> 00:04:13,646
as it's about
one of your Earth traditions.
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-Oh?
-Christmas.
69
00:04:15,729 --> 00:04:16,729
Oh.
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Everything I know about Christmas,
I learned from Rocket,
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who learned from Cosmo,
who learned from Kraglin,
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who learned from you.
73
00:04:23,812 --> 00:04:25,729
So I thought I might just take it back
to the source
74
00:04:25,812 --> 00:04:28,354
and make sure
I understand this all correctly.
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This is, after all, a historical document.
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-Okay. Yeah, sure.
-Okay.
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(SINGING) Out on the third planetclosest to the sun
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There's a special celebrationAnd it sounds quite fun
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A jolly old fellow brings toys to everyone
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On a holiday they call Christmas
81
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That's perfect. Good. Bzer, good job.
82
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Now I'm not gonna lie
83
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Oh, there's more.
84
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It makes no sense to me
85
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But here's what I've discoveredabout this Christmas mystery
86
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I'm super busy. Is this a long song?
87
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One, two, three.
88
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Santa is a furry freakwith epic superpowers
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He flies to every human homein under 14 hours
90
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He's a master burglar
91
00:05:14,687 --> 00:05:15,687
No.
92
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A pro at picking locks
93
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No.
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If you don't leave milk and cookies out
95
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He will put dung in your socks
96
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That is not part of the lore at all.
97
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If you act nicely through the night
98
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And don't jump on your bed
99
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Santa comes with sugar plumsand hurls them at your head
100
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But if you're on his naughty list
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He shoots missiles at your toes
102
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He might just roast your chestnuts
103
00:05:47,312 --> 00:05:52,062
With his powerful flamethrower
104
00:05:52,146 --> 00:05:54,104
No, he doesn't have a flamethrower.
105
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Rein, rein, rein, rein, rein
106
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That's kinda cool.
107
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Deer, deer, deer, deer, deer
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I don't know what Christmas isBut Christmastime is here
109
00:06:07,271 --> 00:06:11,812
He's compelled his creepy elvesto do his every wish
110
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Huh?
111
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One sought to be a dentistNow he's sleeping with the fish
112
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Mrs. Claus, she works the polePlans her man's demise
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No!
114
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Soon the elves will all rise up
115
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And stab out Santa's eyes
116
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I am Groot.
117
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Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
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Earthlings are so weird
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That's true.
120
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I don't know what Christmas isBut Christmastime is here
121
00:06:45,854 --> 00:06:48,104
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
122
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Earthlings are so weird
123
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I don't know what Christmas isBut Christmastime is here
124
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What the heck's a turtledove?
125
00:07:01,771 --> 00:07:05,062
And who lit up that deer?
126
00:07:06,937 --> 00:07:12,729
I don't know what Christmas isBut Christmastime is here
127
00:07:12,812 --> 00:07:18,354
I don't know what Christmas isBut Christmastime is here
128
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:23,021
Or maybe it's thereOr it's somewhere
129
00:07:23,687 --> 00:07:24,771
I don't know.
130
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-You just got these instruments?
-Thank you, Knowhere.
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(CROWD APPLAUDING TEPIDLY)
132
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Have you ever seen a crowd more into it?
133
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He loved it, guys. (SIGHS IN RELIEF)
134
00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:45,021
It sounds like Christmas
is a wonderful time,
135
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and Yondu ruined it for Peter.
136
00:07:47,687 --> 00:07:49,479
I feel like I should do something.
137
00:07:49,687 --> 00:07:54,021
-Why?
-Because of, you know, my secret.
138
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The one only you know.
139
00:07:56,229 --> 00:07:58,562
That you ate the entire bowl of zarg-nuts
in the commissary?
140
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,854
-My other secret.
-That you're Quill's sister?
141
00:08:02,396 --> 00:08:04,104
Why don't you just tell people the truth?
142
00:08:04,396 --> 00:08:09,312
Peter's father, our father,
killed his mother and tried to kill him.
143
00:08:10,562 --> 00:08:13,604
I don't want him to be reminded of that
every time he sees me.
144
00:08:13,687 --> 00:08:15,562
No, I meant about the zarg-nuts.
145
00:08:15,687 --> 00:08:18,187
Oh. I don't think anyone cares
about that but you.
146
00:08:19,021 --> 00:08:20,354
Maybe because I'm his sister,
147
00:08:20,437 --> 00:08:23,104
I feel like I should give Peter
a happy Christmas.
148
00:08:23,396 --> 00:08:25,937
He's so sad about Gamora being gone.
149
00:08:27,104 --> 00:08:30,562
Maybe if we gave Peter
a really wonderful Christmas gift,
150
00:08:30,729 --> 00:08:31,854
it would make him happy.
151
00:08:31,937 --> 00:08:34,687
Well, we could give him those zarg-nuts,
except you ate them all.
152
00:08:34,896 --> 00:08:36,562
Get over the zarg-nuts!
153
00:08:39,187 --> 00:08:43,104
-What kind of present?
-Something special he will never forget.
154
00:08:44,521 --> 00:08:48,062
-What about someone special?
-What?
155
00:08:48,146 --> 00:08:51,062
Over the years, Quill has talked about
one person more than any other.
156
00:08:51,312 --> 00:08:53,812
A legendary hero
who has saved countless lives.
157
00:08:54,062 --> 00:08:56,479
We could give him to Quill as a present.
158
00:08:58,062 --> 00:08:59,604
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO)
159
00:09:00,562 --> 00:09:01,771
-(CAR DOOR SHUTS)
-(MUSIC STOPS)
160
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(PHONE RINGING)
161
00:09:05,937 --> 00:09:07,562
Kyra, hey, honey.
162
00:09:07,646 --> 00:09:08,687
-KYRA: Hey, baby.
-(CHUCKLES)
163
00:09:08,771 --> 00:09:11,062
I can't wait for you guys
to get back from New York.
164
00:09:11,146 --> 00:09:12,396
-Did you get the stuff?
-Yep.
165
00:09:12,479 --> 00:09:13,854
Yeah, I got all the presents.
166
00:09:14,479 --> 00:09:18,187
Everything is set
for the perfect family Christmas.
167
00:09:20,062 --> 00:09:21,229
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
168
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MAN: (SINGING)
I don't care what the neighbors say
169
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Christmastime is near
170
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I don't care what anyone says
171
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Christmas is full of cheer
172
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All I know is that Santa's...
173
00:09:38,687 --> 00:09:40,021
Wow!
174
00:09:42,771 --> 00:09:45,479
I wonder which one belongs to Kevin Bacon.
175
00:09:48,646 --> 00:09:50,729
(SOBBING)
176
00:09:53,396 --> 00:09:56,187
Drax, why are they staring?
177
00:09:57,354 --> 00:10:00,396
You put the cloaking device on
like you said you did, right?
178
00:10:00,479 --> 00:10:01,521
Yes.
179
00:10:06,271 --> 00:10:09,521
I can plainly see that you just did it
right now in front of me.
180
00:10:09,646 --> 00:10:10,937
-No, I didn't.
-Yes, you did.
181
00:10:11,021 --> 00:10:12,021
No, I didn't.
182
00:10:13,521 --> 00:10:15,187
I wish I brought Groot.
183
00:10:16,729 --> 00:10:20,854
So, we'll go down into the city
and ask people where Kevin Bacon is.
184
00:10:20,937 --> 00:10:23,021
DRAX: Do you think
Kevin Bacon is the leader of the world
185
00:10:23,104 --> 00:10:24,937
or just to most people?
186
00:10:25,562 --> 00:10:28,812
-I think everybody.
-Oh! I'm so excited.
187
00:10:29,937 --> 00:10:31,896
(BOTH LAUGH GLEEFULLY)
188
00:10:32,562 --> 00:10:36,771
MAN: (SINGING) I can hear the sleigh bellscoming around the bend
189
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Here comes the darkest end
190
00:10:39,687 --> 00:10:41,604
Christmas is here
191
00:10:43,354 --> 00:10:44,854
(GASPS) Look.
192
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:48,812
(GIGGLING EXCITEDLY)
193
00:10:53,521 --> 00:10:54,521
(WOMAN EXCLAIMS)
194
00:10:58,229 --> 00:10:59,812
Steve!
195
00:11:03,979 --> 00:11:06,229
-Why is he running away?
-I don't know.
196
00:11:09,979 --> 00:11:14,271
-Hey!
-No! I'm sorry. GoBots killed his cousin.
197
00:11:14,354 --> 00:11:17,896
-I'll rip your head off!
-Drax! Stop being a bigot.
198
00:11:20,604 --> 00:11:21,646
(BELL DINGING)
199
00:11:21,729 --> 00:11:24,937
Oh. Hey, can we get a picture?
Come on, guys. Come on. Ready?
200
00:11:26,146 --> 00:11:27,437
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
201
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:30,104
-Okay, amazing. Thank you so much.
-Thank you.
202
00:11:30,187 --> 00:11:32,187
We got a picture with the God of War.
203
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:38,187
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
204
00:11:38,562 --> 00:11:40,979
(CROWD CHEERING AND WHOOPING)
205
00:11:43,396 --> 00:11:45,687
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
206
00:11:47,146 --> 00:11:48,937
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
207
00:11:49,937 --> 00:11:52,396
My dear
208
00:11:52,562 --> 00:11:55,521
Is this Christmas?
209
00:11:55,604 --> 00:12:01,021
Whatever happened to that festive cheer?
210
00:12:01,104 --> 00:12:02,896
(LAUGHING)
211
00:12:02,979 --> 00:12:04,646
(DRAX GRUNTING)
212
00:12:17,729 --> 00:12:19,937
MANTIS: Could Kevin Bacon be in here?
213
00:12:20,021 --> 00:12:22,396
WOMAN: (SINGING)
Don't think I have the energy
214
00:12:22,646 --> 00:12:24,854
To add to my already mad rush
215
00:12:24,937 --> 00:12:26,604
-(MUSIC CONTINUES)
-(CROWD CLAMORING)
216
00:12:26,687 --> 00:12:28,521
The perfect gift for me would be
217
00:12:28,604 --> 00:12:30,562
Completions and connections left from
218
00:12:30,646 --> 00:12:32,812
Last year, ski shop
219
00:12:32,896 --> 00:12:34,896
Encounter, most interesting
220
00:12:34,979 --> 00:12:36,937
Had his number but never the time
221
00:12:37,021 --> 00:12:38,687
Most of '81 passed along those lines
222
00:12:38,771 --> 00:12:41,229
So deck those hallsTrim those trees
223
00:12:41,312 --> 00:12:43,229
Raise up cups of Christmas cheer
224
00:12:43,312 --> 00:12:45,687
I just need to catch my breath
225
00:12:45,771 --> 00:12:47,604
Give us your finest libations.
226
00:12:48,562 --> 00:12:50,812
Have you seen Kevin Bacon anywhere?
227
00:12:50,896 --> 00:12:53,146
Why would I know where
Kevin Bacon is located?
228
00:12:55,312 --> 00:12:57,396
Calendar picture, frozen landscape
229
00:12:57,479 --> 00:12:59,354
Chilled this room for 24 days
230
00:12:59,437 --> 00:13:01,812
Evergreens, sparkling snow
231
00:13:01,896 --> 00:13:03,146
(HISSING)
232
00:13:10,479 --> 00:13:11,937
Mmm. More.
233
00:13:15,521 --> 00:13:17,437
(MANTIS GIGGLES)
234
00:13:18,521 --> 00:13:19,979
(MANTIS WHOOPS)
235
00:13:22,312 --> 00:13:27,062
-Come out and dance with us.
-Dancing is for people who are pathetic.
236
00:13:27,187 --> 00:13:28,771
(CHUCKLES)
237
00:13:29,312 --> 00:13:31,146
-Well, how about a drink then?
-Yes!
238
00:13:31,396 --> 00:13:33,062
Two shots of tequila, please.
239
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,687
-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
-(MANTIS LAUGHS WILDLY)
240
00:13:37,062 --> 00:13:38,812
(LAUGHING HEARTILY)
241
00:13:43,812 --> 00:13:45,687
(LAUGHING)
242
00:13:47,229 --> 00:13:49,021
-(WHOOPING)
-(LAUGHING)
243
00:13:52,646 --> 00:13:55,229
I can't believe not a single one
244
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:59,812
of our new homies (HICCUPS)
know where Kevin Bacon is.
245
00:14:00,229 --> 00:14:04,021
There are tens of thousands of people
on this planet
246
00:14:04,896 --> 00:14:08,021
and we don't even know
what Kevin Bacon looks like.
247
00:14:08,104 --> 00:14:09,562
MAN: (SINGING)
Said it was like Christmas
248
00:14:09,646 --> 00:14:11,229
You wanna know where Kevin Bacon lives?
249
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:14,729
Yes.
250
00:14:23,562 --> 00:14:24,812
That's 40 bucks.
251
00:14:28,146 --> 00:14:29,187
Uh-oh.
252
00:14:33,937 --> 00:14:36,146
I don't know where my money is.
253
00:14:37,896 --> 00:14:39,521
Give it to me for free.
254
00:14:39,604 --> 00:14:42,021
By the time we got to Oslo
255
00:14:43,729 --> 00:14:45,229
Give me all your money.
256
00:14:45,354 --> 00:14:46,979
The snow was gone
257
00:14:47,979 --> 00:14:50,271
MANTIS: Drax, move faster.
258
00:14:52,104 --> 00:14:55,104
MAN 1 ON TV: It won't be exactly the sameas the one you have on Earth,
259
00:14:55,187 --> 00:14:57,021
but I'm sure it will serve your purpose.
260
00:14:57,104 --> 00:15:00,271
MAN 2: Good. Good.Now I'd like to get going
261
00:15:00,354 --> 00:15:03,354
and have the toy shop operating full-blast
262
00:15:03,437 --> 00:15:06,271
so that I can returnto Earth for Christmas.
263
00:15:06,354 --> 00:15:11,271
'Cause, you know, Mrs. Clausis a very good-natured woman. But...
264
00:15:11,354 --> 00:15:14,646
Santa Claus,you will never return to Earth.
265
00:15:14,729 --> 00:15:15,729
Wait.
266
00:15:15,812 --> 00:15:17,312
(LAUGHING)
267
00:15:18,187 --> 00:15:19,812
(DOORBELL RINGS)
268
00:15:24,562 --> 00:15:25,687
KEVIN: Yeah. Can I help you?
269
00:15:25,771 --> 00:15:27,146
(GASPS)
270
00:15:27,479 --> 00:15:31,146
Yes. We are looking for
the legendary Kevin Bacon.
271
00:15:31,229 --> 00:15:33,687
We're looking for
the legendary Kevin Bacon.
272
00:15:33,896 --> 00:15:34,937
I just said that, Drax.
273
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,312
Your voice is small and mousy.I think maybe he didn't hear you.
274
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,437
He heard. He's Kevin Bacon.He's probably got great ears.
275
00:15:40,521 --> 00:15:43,104
I'm sorry, guys. I can't help you.
276
00:15:43,604 --> 00:15:44,937
But wait, wait, wait, wait.
277
00:15:46,771 --> 00:15:48,562
-(RINGS DOORBELL)
-Hello?
278
00:15:49,979 --> 00:15:50,979
-(RINGS DOORBELL)
-Hello?
279
00:15:52,354 --> 00:15:54,854
-(RINGS DOORBELL CONTINUOUSLY)
-Hello? Hello? Hello!
280
00:16:00,187 --> 00:16:03,646
He's gone. Look what you did.
281
00:16:04,021 --> 00:16:07,562
You acted weird
and you made him not want to talk to us.
282
00:16:08,021 --> 00:16:09,021
Sorry.
283
00:16:13,979 --> 00:16:16,479
Do you think you can toss me
over the gate if you...
284
00:16:16,562 --> 00:16:18,354
(MANTIS EXCLAIMS)
285
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,104
Ow! (GRUNTS)
286
00:16:22,687 --> 00:16:25,854
-What are you doing?
-Tossing you over the gate.
287
00:16:26,604 --> 00:16:30,437
I didn't mean right that second.
I meant after I was ready.
288
00:16:31,021 --> 00:16:32,854
I wasn't even done talking.
289
00:16:32,937 --> 00:16:34,937
Toss you over the gate.
Don't toss you over the gate.
290
00:16:35,021 --> 00:16:36,062
Make up your mind.
291
00:16:49,479 --> 00:16:50,687
Whoa!
292
00:16:51,104 --> 00:16:52,479
(GASPS)
293
00:16:55,146 --> 00:16:58,812
-I want this funny man.
-Don't just take stuff.
294
00:16:59,604 --> 00:17:01,271
(GASPS)
295
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:02,354
Oh.
296
00:17:03,771 --> 00:17:06,104
But I guess that's what it's here for.
297
00:17:08,062 --> 00:17:10,687
-(MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV)
-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
298
00:17:10,771 --> 00:17:12,687
MANTIS: Kevin Bacon!
299
00:17:14,729 --> 00:17:16,479
Kevin Bacon!
300
00:17:17,979 --> 00:17:19,771
Kevin Bacon!
301
00:17:20,312 --> 00:17:21,812
(DOORBELL RINGS)
302
00:17:22,354 --> 00:17:23,896
(BANGING ON DOOR)
303
00:17:24,354 --> 00:17:25,771
Kevin Bacon!
304
00:17:27,021 --> 00:17:28,479
Kevin Bacon!
305
00:17:28,562 --> 00:17:31,396
(DOORBELL RINGING)
306
00:17:31,479 --> 00:17:34,187
-Kevin Bacon!
-(BANGING ON DOOR)
307
00:17:34,271 --> 00:17:39,104
Okay, guys, I don't know what
you're thinking, but this is not cool.
308
00:17:39,187 --> 00:17:40,312
This is private property.
309
00:17:40,437 --> 00:17:46,312
Now, kindly put down my elf
and my candy cane and go.
310
00:17:46,646 --> 00:17:48,604
I'm calling the police right now.
311
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:52,729
(GASPS)
312
00:17:53,604 --> 00:17:55,521
OPERATOR OVER PHONE:
911. What's your emergency?
313
00:17:55,729 --> 00:17:57,812
You're coming with us.
As a Christmas present.
314
00:17:57,896 --> 00:18:01,229
911. Can I help you? Hello? Hello?
315
00:18:01,812 --> 00:18:04,729
There's two... I don't know what they are.
People in costumes.
316
00:18:04,812 --> 00:18:05,937
(GASPS)
317
00:18:06,021 --> 00:18:08,604
MAN: (SINGING)
I want an alien for Christmas
318
00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:12,146
Bring me an alien this year
319
00:18:12,229 --> 00:18:15,729
I want a little green guyAbout three feet high...
320
00:18:15,854 --> 00:18:18,021
(SCREECHING)
321
00:18:18,396 --> 00:18:23,104
I want an alien for Christmasthis year
322
00:18:42,771 --> 00:18:43,979
-DRAX: Wait.
-What?
323
00:18:44,062 --> 00:18:45,896
I left my little funny man
back in the house.
324
00:18:46,104 --> 00:18:47,396
-What?
-I wanna go back and get him.
325
00:18:47,479 --> 00:18:49,271
But Kevin Bacon is gonna get away.
326
00:18:49,354 --> 00:18:51,354
But you still have your swirly
red and white curly man.
327
00:18:51,437 --> 00:18:54,146
How can you possibly think this is a man?
328
00:18:54,521 --> 00:18:57,979
-What is it?
-I don't know. A shape?
329
00:18:58,104 --> 00:19:00,562
Well, how is it fair you get to keep it
and I don't?
330
00:19:00,646 --> 00:19:03,271
Because I was responsible
and held on to it.
331
00:19:05,104 --> 00:19:08,729
Drax, do you love Peter
and want to save Christmas?
332
00:19:08,854 --> 00:19:10,646
Or do you want a little funny man?
333
00:19:11,854 --> 00:19:13,354
Uh...
334
00:19:18,187 --> 00:19:20,396
-A little funny man.
-No!
335
00:19:22,521 --> 00:19:23,771
(SIGHS)
336
00:19:31,146 --> 00:19:33,646
(MANTIS SNARLING)
337
00:19:36,021 --> 00:19:37,812
(SIREN WAILING)
338
00:19:44,062 --> 00:19:48,521
-Mr. Bacon. We got your 911 call.
-You gotta get these things away from me.
339
00:19:50,479 --> 00:19:52,187
Hey, I'm a police officer.
340
00:19:52,271 --> 00:19:55,229
I don't know what's going on here,
but you need to back up or I'll shoot.
341
00:19:55,521 --> 00:19:58,396
Raise your hands above your head! Stop!
342
00:19:58,521 --> 00:20:00,146
-(GUN FIRES)
-(DRAX CHUCKLES)
343
00:20:01,729 --> 00:20:03,437
(LAUGHS)
344
00:20:04,187 --> 00:20:08,062
Stop. It tickles.
Stop. I'm gonna pee my pants.
345
00:20:08,146 --> 00:20:09,646
(DRAX LAUGHING)
346
00:20:14,562 --> 00:20:16,812
-Sleep.
-Hey!
347
00:20:20,146 --> 00:20:21,687
-Sleep.
-Let him go! Let him go! Let him go!
348
00:20:21,771 --> 00:20:24,021
Freeze! Get on the ground!
Get on the ground!
349
00:20:32,771 --> 00:20:33,771
Sleep.
350
00:20:36,396 --> 00:20:38,062
(SIREN WAILING)
351
00:20:41,354 --> 00:20:42,729
(DRAX LAUGHS HEARTILY)
352
00:20:46,729 --> 00:20:49,729
Drax! You can't just kill people.
353
00:20:49,812 --> 00:20:52,187
Well, how am I supposed to know the rules
if no one tells me?
354
00:21:03,521 --> 00:21:04,687
Are you okay?
355
00:21:06,229 --> 00:21:08,104
We are not doing anything wrong.
356
00:21:08,521 --> 00:21:11,604
We are just taking the legendary hero
Kevin Bacon,
357
00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:14,937
to give him as a present to a friend
who is sad about Christmas.
358
00:21:15,187 --> 00:21:16,187
Okay.
359
00:21:19,146 --> 00:21:20,146
Here.
360
00:21:24,604 --> 00:21:28,562
I really wanted this,
but we're even now, okay?
361
00:21:30,271 --> 00:21:31,271
Sure.
362
00:21:32,687 --> 00:21:35,729
That doesn't look like a man to you,
does it?
363
00:21:35,854 --> 00:21:38,312
A man? No.
364
00:21:39,396 --> 00:21:42,896
Of course not.
My friend is being an idiot.
365
00:21:45,646 --> 00:21:47,229
(PANTING)
366
00:21:49,146 --> 00:21:50,229
(GASPS)
367
00:21:51,104 --> 00:21:52,812
You would love to come with us.
368
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:58,354
-Hey, where are we going?
-First, there.
369
00:22:00,396 --> 00:22:01,521
Whoa!
370
00:22:01,604 --> 00:22:02,604
Coolness.
371
00:22:03,396 --> 00:22:04,812
CHORUS: (SINGING)
Shoo bop, shoo bop
372
00:22:04,937 --> 00:22:06,646
Sha la la la la
373
00:22:07,271 --> 00:22:08,937
Shoo bop, shoo bop
374
00:22:09,187 --> 00:22:12,646
WOMAN: I ain't got no time for it nowOh, no, no
375
00:22:12,812 --> 00:22:15,896
I got to make this holiday glow
376
00:22:15,979 --> 00:22:16,979
CHORUS:
Like a lightbulb
377
00:22:17,062 --> 00:22:18,812
Are you friends with the Fonz?
378
00:22:19,396 --> 00:22:21,187
-Who?
-The Fonz.
379
00:22:21,562 --> 00:22:25,354
-Fonz. He's a hero, like you.
-Have the two of you ever had a team-up?
380
00:22:25,437 --> 00:22:27,812
Oh. Well, the Fonz's real name
is Henry Winkler.
381
00:22:27,896 --> 00:22:30,312
And, yeah, I do know him.
He's a very nice guy.
382
00:22:30,479 --> 00:22:33,854
Would you consider grabbing dinner,
like, one time a team-up?
383
00:22:33,937 --> 00:22:36,937
No. Eating together is not a team-up.
384
00:22:37,062 --> 00:22:39,271
Tell us, what was it like
when you had to save a small town
385
00:22:39,354 --> 00:22:40,521
by dancing like an idiot?
386
00:22:40,937 --> 00:22:42,687
Oh. Well, that wasn't me.
387
00:22:42,771 --> 00:22:46,854
That was a character that I played,
Ren McCormack, in the movie, Footloose.
388
00:22:47,104 --> 00:22:48,104
What?
389
00:22:48,312 --> 00:22:50,271
What about when you fought and defeated
390
00:22:50,354 --> 00:22:54,021
the super-strong masked killer
Jason Voorhees in the woods?
391
00:22:54,187 --> 00:22:55,187
Yeah.
392
00:22:55,979 --> 00:22:58,479
Nope. Again, not me.
Just a character I played.
393
00:22:58,812 --> 00:23:01,354
And he didn't actually kill Jason.
394
00:23:01,646 --> 00:23:05,104
He got stabbed through the neck
with an arrow.
395
00:23:05,187 --> 00:23:06,479
(LAUGHS)
396
00:23:07,562 --> 00:23:08,562
Yeah.
397
00:23:12,312 --> 00:23:16,062
He's an actor!
He's never actually saved anyone.
398
00:23:16,187 --> 00:23:18,604
-But actors are repugnant.
-I know.
399
00:23:18,687 --> 00:23:20,562
(RETCHING AND COUGHING)
400
00:23:21,271 --> 00:23:24,021
They make me feel gross and creepy
when they pretend to be someone else.
401
00:23:24,104 --> 00:23:26,896
(CHUCKLES) No.
Acting is a wonderful profession.
402
00:23:26,979 --> 00:23:29,021
I mean, you don't get to live
just one life,
403
00:23:29,104 --> 00:23:30,521
you get to live so many lives...
404
00:23:30,604 --> 00:23:35,104
(GROANS) We got Quill the worst gift ever.
A disgusting actor!
405
00:23:35,979 --> 00:23:40,937
-This is the worst day of my life!
-We ruined Christmas worse than Yondu.
406
00:23:41,229 --> 00:23:45,104
Peter was a child when he left Earth.
His memory is all screwed up.
407
00:23:45,396 --> 00:23:47,062
He doesn't remember things right.
408
00:23:49,896 --> 00:23:53,354
Kevin Bacon, you have to pretend
you're an actual hero,
409
00:23:53,437 --> 00:23:55,687
or else Christmas is doomed.
410
00:23:57,562 --> 00:23:58,937
(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Blimey, mate.
411
00:23:59,021 --> 00:24:01,812
I can't wait to storm them Nazis
on the beach.
412
00:24:02,437 --> 00:24:05,104
-What are you doing?
-I'm a hero, ain't I then?
413
00:24:05,187 --> 00:24:08,271
I'm a private in the British Army
during World War II.
414
00:24:08,354 --> 00:24:10,604
No. Just your regular voice.
415
00:24:10,687 --> 00:24:14,687
(IN NORMAL ACCENT) Oh. Okay.
Yeah, sure, fine. Hello. I'm the Batman.
416
00:24:15,271 --> 00:24:19,021
-I mean, hello. I'm Bruce Wayne.
-Who is Bruce Wayne?
417
00:24:19,146 --> 00:24:23,146
No! Don't be someone else. Be Kevin Bacon,
but, like, if you didn't suck!
418
00:24:23,271 --> 00:24:25,562
(LAUGHS)
419
00:24:27,062 --> 00:24:28,229
That's something.
420
00:24:29,146 --> 00:24:33,521
How weird. 'Cause, like, normally,
it would really piss me off,
421
00:24:33,604 --> 00:24:34,604
but I don't know.
422
00:24:34,812 --> 00:24:41,312
Right now, for some reason,
I just feel really great about all of it.
423
00:24:42,229 --> 00:24:43,521
Hmm.
424
00:24:44,062 --> 00:24:45,104
We hate you.
425
00:24:58,854 --> 00:25:02,104
MAN: (SINGING)
We watch the children playing
426
00:25:03,521 --> 00:25:06,354
Beside the Christmas tree
427
00:25:09,021 --> 00:25:13,021
Presents are wrapped upIt's beautiful
428
00:25:13,562 --> 00:25:19,729
And secretly the gifts you hide
429
00:25:20,562 --> 00:25:26,479
The fun awaits for you inside
430
00:25:27,646 --> 00:25:30,979
Christmastime has come
431
00:25:32,146 --> 00:25:35,271
There'll be toys for everyone
432
00:25:36,896 --> 00:25:42,604
'Cause Christmastime has come for you
433
00:25:42,771 --> 00:25:45,104
I remember dreaming
434
00:25:46,271 --> 00:25:52,479
-Wishing, hoping, praying for this day
-(MOUTHING)
435
00:25:52,562 --> 00:25:54,146
Now I sit and watch them
436
00:25:55,271 --> 00:25:58,354
The little ones I love
437
00:25:59,687 --> 00:26:03,729
So excited by the way
438
00:26:05,146 --> 00:26:08,854
Christmastime has come
439
00:26:09,354 --> 00:26:12,896
There'll be toys for everyone
440
00:26:14,187 --> 00:26:20,271
'Cause Christmastime has come for you
441
00:26:30,187 --> 00:26:32,854
And now the word is given
442
00:26:34,271 --> 00:26:36,979
It's time to peer inside
443
00:26:39,729 --> 00:26:41,021
Are you kidding me?
444
00:26:41,854 --> 00:26:46,771
So anxious for your look of joy
445
00:26:47,062 --> 00:26:52,437
Merry Christmas, Peter.
From me and Drax and, you know,
446
00:26:55,479 --> 00:26:56,646
all of us, really.
447
00:26:59,396 --> 00:27:01,771
Christmastime has come
448
00:27:02,521 --> 00:27:05,687
There'll be toys for everyone
449
00:27:07,771 --> 00:27:13,104
'Cause Christmastime has come
450
00:27:14,312 --> 00:27:16,146
For you
451
00:27:18,646 --> 00:27:20,812
Oh! You guys.
452
00:27:21,646 --> 00:27:25,104
There'll be toys for everyone
453
00:27:26,771 --> 00:27:27,896
What did you do?
454
00:27:27,979 --> 00:27:30,729
'Cause Christmastime has come
455
00:27:30,812 --> 00:27:33,104
For you
456
00:27:35,854 --> 00:27:37,687
(BOX THUMPING)
457
00:27:41,729 --> 00:27:44,771
KEVIN: Hey, uh, guys,
I'm about to pass out.
458
00:27:44,854 --> 00:27:46,354
There's no air in here.
459
00:27:48,521 --> 00:27:49,604
(MANTIS GIGGLES)
460
00:27:58,062 --> 00:27:59,146
Ta-da!
461
00:27:59,354 --> 00:28:02,521
You must be Pete. Merry Christmas!
462
00:28:03,812 --> 00:28:07,354
It's Kevin Bacon. He's not a loser.
He's great. We don't hate him at all.
463
00:28:09,604 --> 00:28:10,604
What'd you do?
464
00:28:10,687 --> 00:28:12,312
-What?
-What did you do?
465
00:28:12,479 --> 00:28:16,812
-We got you Kevin Bacon as a present.
-You got me a human being as a present?
466
00:28:16,896 --> 00:28:18,979
What better gift for the guy
who has everything
467
00:28:19,062 --> 00:28:21,604
than an actual human living person?
468
00:28:21,687 --> 00:28:25,646
This isn't a Christmas gift!
This is human trafficking!
469
00:28:25,729 --> 00:28:28,354
-Yes!
-It was mostly Drax's idea.
470
00:28:28,562 --> 00:28:29,562
It was.
471
00:28:29,646 --> 00:28:31,229
Hey, Pete, I got to stick up
for these guys,
472
00:28:31,312 --> 00:28:33,187
because to tell you the truth,
473
00:28:33,271 --> 00:28:36,479
I am totally stoked
about the whole thing, man.
474
00:28:38,646 --> 00:28:42,312
-You used your powers on him, didn't you?
-Maybe. I can't remember.
475
00:28:42,396 --> 00:28:45,104
Get Kevin Bacon out of the trance now!
476
00:28:49,229 --> 00:28:50,854
Just be what you really are.
477
00:28:58,396 --> 00:28:59,854
-(SCREAMS)
-(GASPS)
478
00:29:01,271 --> 00:29:03,396
(SCREAMING)
479
00:29:03,521 --> 00:29:05,896
Dude, calm down. We're not gonna hurt you.
480
00:29:06,396 --> 00:29:09,812
-That's a talking raccoon.
-I'll kill you. Don't ever call me that!
481
00:29:09,896 --> 00:29:11,229
Whoa!
482
00:29:11,312 --> 00:29:13,146
Sir, sir, sir. Right here, right here.
483
00:29:13,604 --> 00:29:17,271
Kraglin, prepare The Bowie
for his transport back to Earth.
484
00:29:17,354 --> 00:29:19,229
-Aye, Captain.
-Mr. Bacon, I am so sorry.
485
00:29:19,396 --> 00:29:20,396
This is really embarrassing.
486
00:29:20,479 --> 00:29:23,104
I know you're worried sick
and your family is, too.
487
00:29:23,187 --> 00:29:24,979
We're gonna get you back home immediately.
488
00:29:25,062 --> 00:29:26,187
I am Groot.
489
00:29:26,271 --> 00:29:28,854
Oh. Suddenly you thought
it was a bad idea all along?
490
00:29:28,937 --> 00:29:29,937
I am Groot.
491
00:29:30,021 --> 00:29:32,521
Dude, I literally just saw you
wheel him out in front of everybody.
492
00:29:35,271 --> 00:29:38,354
I'm gonna let you go, Kevin Bacon.
Don't run.
493
00:29:38,979 --> 00:29:41,146
-You're not gonna run?
-No, no. No, no, no.
494
00:29:41,812 --> 00:29:43,062
(SHOUTS IN FEAR)
495
00:29:44,896 --> 00:29:47,479
-Go get Kevin Bacon.
-I've got it.
496
00:29:48,437 --> 00:29:51,521
-Don't kill him.
-NEBULA: You can't outrun me, Bacon!
497
00:30:03,062 --> 00:30:04,687
Hey, that man was a plant.
498
00:30:04,771 --> 00:30:08,646
Oh, Groot? He's just a kid.
Sorry about all this stuff.
499
00:30:09,187 --> 00:30:10,729
What's that on your head?
500
00:30:11,521 --> 00:30:14,979
That is a device for
controlling a flying arrow.
501
00:30:15,062 --> 00:30:17,354
But I ain't quite got the hang of it yet.
502
00:30:19,104 --> 00:30:20,729
I know this must all be a shock to you,
503
00:30:20,812 --> 00:30:25,104
but it's only 'cause you mean a great deal
to Pete that they've done it.
504
00:30:26,729 --> 00:30:28,312
Pete didn't have much to love growing up,
505
00:30:28,396 --> 00:30:32,062
but one thing he did love
was telling us all stories about you.
506
00:30:32,354 --> 00:30:36,021
-Me?
-You saved a town through dancing.
507
00:30:36,937 --> 00:30:41,729
And once, Pete saved the whole galaxy
with dancing. For real.
508
00:30:42,271 --> 00:30:43,979
You taught him how to be a hero,
509
00:30:44,979 --> 00:30:47,271
and now he might just be
the greatest hero alive.
510
00:30:52,271 --> 00:30:53,437
Mant and these dopes,
511
00:30:53,521 --> 00:30:58,646
they was just hoping you'd bring the joy
of Christmas back into his heart, is all.
512
00:31:01,229 --> 00:31:02,521
(FEMALE CHORUS VOCALIZING HYMNAL)
513
00:31:03,396 --> 00:31:05,187
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
514
00:31:05,271 --> 00:31:06,437
Whoa!
515
00:31:10,021 --> 00:31:12,604
How on earth do you get reception up here?
516
00:31:14,271 --> 00:31:15,812
Couple of good satellite dishes out front
517
00:31:15,896 --> 00:31:18,562
will get you anything within about
400 million light-years.
518
00:31:18,646 --> 00:31:19,646
Hi, honey.
519
00:31:19,729 --> 00:31:20,771
KYRA: Are you at the house?
520
00:31:20,854 --> 00:31:23,937
Yeah, no, (STAMMERS)
I'm just with some friends.
521
00:31:24,479 --> 00:31:26,979
Oh, okay. Well, what timedo you think you'll be home?
522
00:31:29,729 --> 00:31:33,729
Hey, would it be okay
if I'm just a little bit late?
523
00:31:35,146 --> 00:31:39,979
I got some friends here that
kind of need to learn about Christmas.
524
00:31:45,937 --> 00:31:47,312
(FEEDBACK WHINES)
525
00:31:48,521 --> 00:31:50,104
(MUSIC PLAYING)
526
00:31:55,979 --> 00:31:59,604
(SINGING) When we are bornWe are swaddled and snuggled
527
00:31:59,729 --> 00:32:03,354
Whispered to, fussed overTickled and cuddled
528
00:32:03,521 --> 00:32:07,187
When we grow up things get muddled
529
00:32:07,354 --> 00:32:09,979
And here it is Christmastime
530
00:32:11,271 --> 00:32:15,687
Will you stop byfor a piece of delicious peach pie?
531
00:32:15,771 --> 00:32:18,687
While I tell you my yuletide wishes
532
00:32:18,896 --> 00:32:22,354
You can help me do the dishes
533
00:32:22,437 --> 00:32:25,312
'Cause here it is Christmastime
534
00:32:25,437 --> 00:32:27,479
And we all want someone
535
00:32:28,771 --> 00:32:31,271
Who will love us and hold us
536
00:32:32,979 --> 00:32:35,646
To curl up alongside
537
00:32:36,729 --> 00:32:39,396
When nights are the coldest
538
00:32:40,771 --> 00:32:43,062
And we all want someone
539
00:32:43,979 --> 00:32:46,646
Who will hug us and kiss us
540
00:32:49,646 --> 00:32:53,146
All I want is you for Christmas
541
00:32:55,187 --> 00:32:58,646
Let us examine the holiday spirit
542
00:32:58,771 --> 00:33:02,521
Let the small kids singso we can all hear it
543
00:33:02,604 --> 00:33:06,187
Light up a fire and pull the chair near it
544
00:33:06,312 --> 00:33:08,271
'Cause here it is Christmastime
545
00:33:08,396 --> 00:33:09,729
Bucky's arm?
546
00:33:09,812 --> 00:33:11,354
We all want someone
547
00:33:12,229 --> 00:33:13,229
Merry Christmas.
548
00:33:13,312 --> 00:33:15,312
Who will love us and hold us
549
00:33:16,937 --> 00:33:19,271
To curl up alongside
550
00:33:20,562 --> 00:33:22,687
When nights are the coldest
551
00:33:24,396 --> 00:33:26,437
And we all want someone
552
00:33:27,854 --> 00:33:30,437
Who will hug us and kiss us
553
00:33:33,521 --> 00:33:36,896
All I want is you for Christmas
554
00:33:40,437 --> 00:33:43,896
(GUITAR SOLO PLAYING)
555
00:33:59,979 --> 00:34:01,604
(GASPS)
556
00:34:04,937 --> 00:34:06,229
(BOTH LAUGHING)
557
00:34:09,229 --> 00:34:12,896
When we are bornwe are swaddled and snuggled
558
00:34:13,104 --> 00:34:16,771
Whispered to, fussed overTickled and cuddled
559
00:34:16,854 --> 00:34:20,521
And when we grow up things get muddled
560
00:34:20,604 --> 00:34:23,396
And here it is Christmastime
561
00:34:23,479 --> 00:34:25,812
And we all want someone
562
00:34:26,771 --> 00:34:29,646
Who will love us and hold us
563
00:34:31,146 --> 00:34:33,729
To curl up alongside
564
00:34:34,854 --> 00:34:37,354
When nights are the coldest
565
00:34:38,687 --> 00:34:41,271
And we all want someone
566
00:34:41,979 --> 00:34:44,896
Who will hug us and kiss us
567
00:34:47,604 --> 00:34:51,229
All I want is you for Christmas
568
00:34:51,312 --> 00:34:54,812
-All I want is you for Christmas
-(CHUCKLES)
569
00:34:54,896 --> 00:34:58,979
All I want is you for Christmas
570
00:35:00,812 --> 00:35:02,729
(SONG ENDS)
571
00:35:04,812 --> 00:35:07,187
(ALL CHEERING)
572
00:35:18,104 --> 00:35:20,437
-The best Christmas ever.
-Oh, come on. Bring it in.
573
00:35:21,896 --> 00:35:23,229
Okay. All right.
574
00:35:23,979 --> 00:35:26,521
-Love you, guys.
-COSMO: We love you, Kevin Bacon.
575
00:35:26,646 --> 00:35:28,646
ALL: Bye, Kevin Bacon.
576
00:35:28,729 --> 00:35:30,812
ROCKET: See you, Kevin Bacon.
577
00:35:30,937 --> 00:35:33,479
-DRAX: We love you, Kevin Bacon.
-Hey, I'll see you at Easter.
578
00:35:35,896 --> 00:35:39,854
Wow. I guess all actors aren't
complete pieces of shit.
579
00:35:46,271 --> 00:35:50,812
I can't believe you guys did
all of that for me. I mean, why?
580
00:35:51,562 --> 00:35:52,562
Why what?
581
00:35:52,646 --> 00:35:56,021
Why would you go to the trouble of going
all the way to Earth
582
00:35:56,104 --> 00:35:59,229
to abduct Kevin Bacon?
583
00:36:01,146 --> 00:36:04,771
Kraglin told us the story
about how Yondu ruined Christmas.
584
00:36:05,437 --> 00:36:07,312
So we wanted to save it for you.
585
00:36:09,562 --> 00:36:11,229
(CHUCKLES)
586
00:36:11,312 --> 00:36:13,646
I'm not sure Kraglin knows how
that story ended.
587
00:36:33,479 --> 00:36:35,729
(FEMALE CHORUS VOCALIZING HYMNAL)
588
00:36:43,062 --> 00:36:44,479
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
589
00:37:01,521 --> 00:37:03,021
That is so sweet.
590
00:37:05,521 --> 00:37:06,521
That's Yondu.
591
00:37:08,146 --> 00:37:13,646
I guess I just wanted to do something
special for you, because, well...
592
00:37:17,437 --> 00:37:20,271
-What?
-Your father, Peter.
593
00:37:22,187 --> 00:37:26,187
-He might be...
-Ego? He might be what?
594
00:37:26,479 --> 00:37:27,771
He might be...
595
00:37:28,562 --> 00:37:32,812
He is my father, too.
596
00:37:36,937 --> 00:37:38,771
Wait. So does that make you my sister?
597
00:37:42,687 --> 00:37:44,104
(MANTIS EXHALES DEEPLY)
598
00:37:44,187 --> 00:37:49,312
Mantis, that's the greatest
Christmas gift I could ever get.
599
00:37:52,354 --> 00:37:53,771
(CHUCKLES)
600
00:37:56,646 --> 00:37:58,312
(FEMALE CHORUS VOCALIZING HYMNAL)
601
00:38:00,604 --> 00:38:03,896
-Merry Christmas, Mantis.
-Merry Christmas, Peter.
602
00:38:24,687 --> 00:38:27,104
MAN: (SINGING)
I could have been someone
603
00:38:27,937 --> 00:38:30,604
WOMAN: Well, so could anyone
604
00:38:30,687 --> 00:38:36,729
You took my dreams from mewhen I first found you
605
00:38:36,812 --> 00:38:39,687
MAN: I kept them with me, babe
606
00:38:39,771 --> 00:38:42,521
I put them with my own
607
00:38:42,604 --> 00:38:43,604
(BOTH LAUGH)
608
00:38:43,687 --> 00:38:45,562
Can't make it all alone
609
00:38:45,646 --> 00:38:49,187
I've built my dreams around you
610
00:38:51,062 --> 00:38:53,771
The boys of the NYPD choir
611
00:38:53,854 --> 00:38:56,354
Still singing Galway Bay
612
00:38:56,479 --> 00:38:59,187
And the bells are ringing out
613
00:38:59,271 --> 00:39:01,812
For Christmas Day
614
00:40:08,812 --> 00:40:10,479
(CHORUS VOCALIZING)
615
00:41:12,479 --> 00:41:14,271
(FEMALE CHORUS VOCALIZING)
616
00:41:41,396 --> 00:41:45,771
-Oh, come on, Groot!
-COSMO: Groot ruined Christmas again.
617
00:41:46,562 --> 00:41:48,187
Now we got to have another special.
44478
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