All language subtitles for Lost in Space s02e11 West Of Mars

Last week, as you recall, we left an
angry Dr. Smith working at enforced

unaware that both he and Will Robinson
were soon to be spirited off to a

planet on the far western frontier of
outer space.

Oh, the man of my qualities being forced
into hard labor. Indeed.

Dr. Smith, I brought you my dessert.

Oh, bless you, my boy, bless you.

Ah,

hmm, lovely, delicious.

You could have brought some coffee, too,
you know.

We're being invaded.

It's the end of us. Our little planet is
doomed. Perhaps our whole universe...

Now hear this.

Now hear this. Hear this, Zeno.

This is Space Enforcer Claudius.

I know that you fled to this planet, and
I have zeroed in on your hiding place.

I am coming in for a landing near you.

Surrender, and I guarantee you a fair
trial.

Refuse, and you die.

Remember, the reward for your capture is
the same, be you alive or be you dead.

Your days as a super swift are over,
Zeno.

Careful, Wilf.

Yes, sir.

Careful.

What's a super swift, Dr. Smith?

A super swift is one who can draw and
fire his pace weapon in the blinking of

eye. No ordinary man can stand up
against him.

We are doomed.

Why should the Xeno want to hurt us?

A super swift doesn't need a reason to
kill.

He kills for fame and glory, and that's
the worst kind of a killer.

To think that I must die to perpetuate
the reputation of an arch -annihilator

like Zeno.

Well, he hasn't killed you yet.

Let's get back to the Jupiter.

It's useless, my boy.

Utterly useless.

I can hear the flutter of black wings.

Even now I can feel Zeno's cold breath
blowing down my neck.

Come along, my boy. Let's get back to
the safety of the spaceship.

The pity of it, the loss to humanity, my
life sacrificed to the vainglory of a

super -threat. Dr. Smith, why is it that
when you're scared, you run for a while

and then you give up? If you don't want
to get killed, why don't you get out of

here? Because, my dear boy, when death
is inevitable, why go to the added

exertion of prolonged flight?

If Zeno wants to kill me, let him come
to me.

Base enforcer, he's landed.

Thank heavens we're saved.

Come along, my boy. Let us greet him.

Inasmuch as we were here first and if we
helped catch him, I see no reason

whatsoever why we shouldn't share in the
reward.

Do you, William? Dr. Smith, Zeno isn't
even captured yet.

Never fear, Smith is here.

Zeno is as good as Hank.

Dr. Smith, I presume.

Zeno?

So you've heard of me, have you, Dr.

Smith? Of course I have.

Who hasn't heard of the great, the
illustrious Zeno? The peerless,

noble knight errant of outer space.

I'm a knight errant, am I, Dr.

Smith?

Whatever that means.

It means that I hold you in the highest
esteem.

It means that I have long admired you.

How is it that you know my name, sir?

That's what the kid called you after you
suggested that you're horning on the

reward for capturing Zeno.

Let me assure you, sir, that that was
merely... Please.

Please, don't look at me like that.

I got plans for you, pussycat.

What plans?

Take a look at me, Dr.

Smith.

Take a good look.

It's incredible.

It's fantastic.

You look almost like me.

I look exactly like you.

Now, can you guess what plans I've got
for you?

We're going to change clothes.

You're going to be Zeno, and I'm going
to be Doctor.

Like the idea?

Decidedly not.

Why not, pussycat?

Don't you admire Zeno?

You don't want to see him hang by the
neck until he turns a deep purple in the

face, do you?

Please, let us not discuss hanging.

Let me assure you, you need have no fear
whatsoever on that subject.

In fact, I've decided to let you go.

Start undressing, pussycat.

Dr. Smith!

Now, don't you worry none, son.

If Zeno kills your friend, it'll go hard
on him. I promise you. I understand

that, sir, but that's not going to do
Dr. Smith any good. Can't you do

something? Why, of course.

Now, here.

One, two, three, testing.

Now, hear this. Zeno, hear this.

I'm giving you just 25 minutes to give
yourself up, or I'm coming after you.

25? Why 25 minutes?

Well, I gotta finish my story.

Like I was saying, by the time I got
through with Mephisto, I'd wiped out

outlaw in that entire planet.

How'd you wipe them out? By waiting for
them to give themselves up?

I'll take this gun and be careful.

It's got a very delicate trigger.

I wouldn't touch it. I'm not a murderer.

Neither am I.

I never killed anyone that didn't try to
kill me first.

Mostly ambitious amateurs, jealous of my
reputation.

Take it.

I tell you, being a super swift in a
career, I'd pick out for a kid of mine

had one.

Then why did you pursue that career?

I don't know.

I guess it sort of gets into your blood.

Well, it's not in my blood, I can tell
you. I positively refuse to go on with

this absurd charade. You do like I told
you.

What with the trial and appeals, you'll
probably live a couple more weeks.

Or would you rather I cauterized your
giblets right here and now?

Well, any alternative is better than
none.

Yeah.

Now you walk up to that enforcer, and
you surrender nice and peaceful.

And remember, if you don't make him
think you're Zeno, I'll have you covered

zapped.

Didn't you tell me you never shot a man
in the back?

Never have.

But I'll make an exception in your case.

Do me a favor, will you, pussycat?

When they hang you, keep your chin up
high.

I want the folks back home to think Zeno
died like a man.

Now get...

Here

comes someone.

And it isn't Dr. Smith.

Don't shoot. Don't shoot. I surrender.

But that is Dr. Smith's voice.

It's Zeno's voice. I've heard it before.

I surrender.

That is Dr. Smith.

Where did you get the clothes, Dr.
Smith? I'm not Dr.

Smith, you little dumbbell. I'm Zeno. I
confess. I confess to everything. I

surrender. Now, please get me into that
spaceship. You confess all 25 killings?

36 if it'll make you happier?

Get me into that spaceship. You heard
him confess, didn't you, Will?

Yeah, but I don't understand him. Never
mind.

Me first.

Me first.

I'm calling you as a material witness to
Zeno's confession.

Now, come on, get in there. You're going
to have to let me go. Now, come on, get

in there.

not Zeno. I'm Dr. Zachary Smith, the man
of science.

You're Zeno, all right. You've made a
science out of cold blood and murder.

I'm not a murderer. I never killed
anyone who didn't try to kill me first.

That is, I mean to say, Zeno didn't. I
never killed anyone for any reason.

Warrant says you did.

No, Father, you're warrant. Besides, I
have a witness to your confession.

But I explained that I confessed only
because Zeno was holding a pistol on me.

Will, Will, tell him who I am.

Speak up, dear boy. Tell him.

I wish I knew.

What do you mean, you wish you knew?

I know your name, don't I? Would Zeno
know your name?

You only called me Will after you heard
the Enforcer call me that. When you came

up to the spaceship, you just called me
a little dumbbell.

And that's what you are, a little
dumbbell, after all the time we've known

other. Oh, forgive me, Will. I'm sorry.
Now, please, please take a good look at

me and tell the Enforcer who I am.

I don't know. I'm confused.

Look at that.

But that's a doppelganger. A double.
Haven't you ever heard of a double?

what Zeno is to me.

Don't listen to him, son. He's Zeno, all
right. I never make a mistake.

Oh, you don't, eh? Well, Zeno happens to
be an uneducated ruffian. He says ain't

and uses other vulgar forms of speech,
whereas I... Whereas you use such vulgar

forms of speech as dumbbell.

Anyway, you're not fooling me, Zeno. I
happen to know that you can use good

grammar when you want to.

Is Zeno a physicist?

Is he a mathematician?

Could he explain to you the difference
between integral and differential

calculus? Well, I can.

I'm sure you can, Zeno, because I also
happen to know that you were a brilliant

mathematician before you went wrong.

What made you take up killing as a
profession, Zeno? Oh, I don't know.

I guess it sort of gets into your blood.

Oh, no!

No, you're making a terrible mistake!

Please, Mr. Enforcer, you promised you'd
send a message to my folks.

Now that we're on course, I'll take care
of it immediately, son.

Just when will you return me to my
parents, sir?

Probably never.

Oh, the pain.

The pain.

Will!

Smith!

John, look at this.

You don't suppose Smith was right
about... No, he must have invented those

monsters. Of course he did. But the
scanner showed that something landed

night. Yeah, but it could have been a
meteor.

Oh, it's you.

Affirmative. It is I.

We can see that. What do you want? I
relay a message received from Space

Enforcer Claudius en route to his home
planet. What about it?

He has Will in custody.

He has Will?

Well, why?

As a material witness against Zeno,
notorious space killer, he promised to

return Will after the trial and
execution of Zeno.

What could Will have witnessed?

That doesn't make sense.

Affirmative. It does not make sense.

Didn't the enforcer give you any
details?

Negative.

Hey, maybe Smith knows something. Was he
mentioned in the message?

Negative.

Then he must still be on this planet.

Affirmative.

He probably panicked and got himself
lost.

Now, since you're here, you might as
well join the search.

Now, cover this area. I'll go up to the
drill site. Right.

I do not wish to find Dr. Smith.

He insults me.

Well, neither do I. But he's our only
link to finding Will.

Very well.

Cassiopeia.

I think that's Cassiopeia.

Right on course, Howie.

Tell me, Enforcer Soria, how much fuel
do we have aboard?

My fuel supply is practically
inexhaustible. This ship is equipped

-atomic or axiom overdrive.

Splendid. Then you should have no
trouble at all reaching Earth, should

sir? Earth?

The third planet from this sun.

The planet's off limits to me. It's
outside the Galactic Federation, which I

serve. Well, then, it's a fascinating
planet.

I have considerable influence there, not
to mention affluence.

I understand you once made an illegal
visit to that planet, Zeno.

It'll be held against you at the trial.

Why must there be a trial, sir?

Now, let me see. The reward for Zeno's
capture is 10 ,000 space credits. Is it

not? Suppose I were to offer you the
equivalent.

20 ,000 page credits.

He's trying to bribe me. You're a
witness, son.

That's a super crime.

Why, that's even worse than murder,
according to the Galactic Code.

This'll go hard on you, Zeno. Even if I
were Zeno, how could you make things

harder on me than by hanging me?

Those proven guilty of attempted bribery
are thrown into a pit of space vipers.

Space vipers.

found you, Dr. Smith.

Hi, pussycat. What you doing so far from
the junk pile?

I was searching for you and I have found
you. Yeah, you said that.

That does not compute.

What does not compute?

You do not compute. Dr. Smith does not
smoke.

Stop that. You're fogging my sensors.

I thought it might help you to compute a
little better.

Now, what else?

Dr. Smith does not bear arms. You are
wearing a pistol.

I found it out near Black Rock Canyon.

I put it on for self -protection.

That does not compute either. Dr. Smith
is afraid of firearms.

Now, look, you silly -looking bucket of
bolts.

Quit arguing and point me towards home.

I'm lost.

This trail is well marked. Even Dr.
Smith would not be lost.

I must warn the others there is a
dangerous alien among us.

I don't think you better do that,
pussycat.

That will do you no good. I am not
programmed for fear.

But you are programmed for survival,
ain't you?

Affirmative. All right.

Then let me put it this way.

Maybe I can scare you.

but I can carve you up with this dingus
like so much old boilerplate, after

which I'll rip out your wires, smash
your transformer, and vaporize your

electrodes. What's left, I'll melt down
into beer cans.

Does that compute, pussycat?

It computes.

Yeah.

You know, you're right about there being
something peculiar about me.

It's all coming back to me now.

I got separated from Will Robinson.

And then I encountered this super swift.

His name is Zeno. He is in the custody
of a space enforcer. I hope they hang

him. He hit me on the head with his
pistol and everything went black.

I'm still a little fuzzy -minded.

Now tell me about all the others on this
planet so as I'll remember them when I

meet them again.

The real Dr. Smith is a coward, a
shirker, and a liar.

I know all about myself.

Tell me about the others.

The real Dr. Smith would have that
information.

Must I get ugly with you, pussycat?

Negative. This planet is inhabited by
Professor John Robinson.

His wife, Maureen, his daughters, Judy
and Penny, and his son, Will. Your

sisters are Judy and Penny, and our
pilot is Major Don West. Now, if I was

would I know that?

Well, you might, if you forced the real
Dr. Smith to give you that information,

when you held him prisoner back there.
But I tell you, it was he who held me

prisoner. He forced me to change
clothes, don't you believe me?

Well, the space enforcer doesn't, and
he's an experienced law officer.

He says whenever you're caught, you come
up with some fantastic lie.

It's no use.

I'm doomed to walk the last mile, to die
a dreadful death at the end of a rope

in a pit of space vipers.

All on the testimony of a child I have
cherished and loved.

Yes, even defended with my own life.

Gosh, I don't know what to do.

The space enforcer said I had to tell
the court what I heard you say.

And I did hear you confess, you know.

You can lie a little, can't you?

I heard that, Zeno, corrupting a miner.

That's another super crime.

And what is the penalty for that?

Boiling in oil?

Correct.

Don't tell me you're making a landing so
soon. I shall not allow it. You must

let me radio ahead for legal counsel to
represent me at the trial.

I just received a directive from
headquarters.

Inasmuch as I have a witness to your
confession, there will be no trial.

No trial?

Here we are now.

Oh, no, you don't.

I'm an innocent man. What?

Stop that. You'll fix the ship. I'm
sorry. I'm too lucky to die.

I'm dead.

I'm dead.

I'm dead.

Oh, death is such a lonesome place.

So dark and cold and lonesome. Oh, dear.

Never to see the light. Never to hear
music.

Wouldn't be so dark if you'd uncover
your eyes.

And you're not dead. You don't even look
like you're hurt very bad.

We might both be dead.

Think about that, William.

That's just plain silly.

You know, you just might be Dr.

Smith. That's the way he talks.

That's what I've been trying to tell
you. That I am Dr. Smith.

What have we here?

Cold as the ice caps of Pluto.

How fortunate.

Let us get hence, my boy.

Wouldn't that be committing another
super crime?

What are they? How many times do you
suppose they can hang me, boil me in

and throw me into a pit of fate, my
brother?

Well, are you coming?

Well, if you really are Zeno, and I go
with you, I'll be a criminal too.

Well, I'm not Zeno, but my life is at
stake, and every moment I spend on this

planet doubles the jeopardy. Now come
along, my boy. Let us go out and survey

the damage to this vehicle. Come.

This is a cruel land, fraught with
danger.

Well, William, what do you think? Do you
think she'll fly again?

She's dented and banged up a little, but
I don't see why she shouldn't lift off.

Splendid. We'll tie the enforcer up and
then run for home.

Reward -seekers?

Greedy for blood money?

We must flee for our lives.

We're trapped, surrounded.

The end is near.

Zeno!

Don't shoot, Zeno. Please, don't shoot.

Please don't kill us, Zeno.

We wouldn't inform on you.

Where are your friends?

They're scared to death.

Scat! Scat!

Where?

Where?

There you are, my boy. No one will dare
to touch you when you're with the great

Zeno.

This is going to go hard on you, Zeno.

Okay, sister.

I'll see your bid and elevate you ten
fire sticks.

What does that mean?

It means you've got to put ten more fire
sticks into the purse.

Four asteroids.

Four galaxies.

Who taught you to play this game,
sister?

You did. Yeah.

My distribution.

Warning! Warning!

He is distributing from the bottom of
the deck.

Is that bad?

Distributing from the bottom of the
deck?

Not in galactic poker, it ain't.

Buzz off, you pile of junk, before I
take the ten snips out there.

I thought you were going to help with
the dinner dishes.

Oh, well, um, Dr.

Smith was just teaching me to play
galactic poker.

Yeah, it'll round out the kids'
education.

Well, why don't you run along? Go on in
and do them, and take those in with you,

will you? Okay, Mom.

What? He's back!

Zeno's back!

Zeno's back! I saw him!

He just arrived in the Enforcer
spaceship!

Zeno is back!

Where is he? Where? Where?

There!

Dr.

Smith, you aren't afraid of anything
anymore.

is Dino.

Ah, free lunch.

I think I'm going to like it here.

Nothing, Zeno.

Nothing at all.

Yeah.

Yes, sir, Zeno.

What do you have, Zeno? The usual.

Yes, sir. Right away.

Iker of the seven -headed dragon of
Pluto.

Essence of...

face viper venom.

Elixir of the purple draconian spider.

Powder tooth of the triple -tailed
taurian bandersnatch.

Stand back, everybody.

There you are, Zeno.

Only Zeno could have downed that.

I am Zeno, the tit from Cassiopeia.

I was swept by a space wolf and raised
by a she -tiger in a den of centurion

crocodiles. I can out -fight.

outrattle and outshoot any galoot in the
galaxy. I can run faster, jump higher

and spit farther than any space maverick
on the premises.

Wherever I go, men tremble at my glance
and fair maidens swoon at the sight of

me. I am Zeno, the most fearless super
swift in the cosmos.

Well?

Nobody's arguing.

Yeah.

Dr. Smith, I wish you'd stop looking at
me like that. I was thinking what a

feasible facial structure you have, Judy
baby.

Whatever that means.

What I mean is, I once saw the Temple of
Aphrodite on the planet Apollo compared

to you.

I wish it'd go away.

You've been acting very strange lately,
Dr. Smith.

Moonlight brings out the best in me.

And there'll be two great big moons
tonight.

Hello, Major.

How aromatic.

How delicate.

How dainty.

See you around, pussycat.

Pussycat.

And there I was, surrounded by a
whole... tribe of Mescalero Aborigines.

Painted up like Easter eggs and armed to
the teeth with face arrows. They rushed

at me from all sides with blood
-curdling cries.

I waited until I could see the pupils of
their eyes.

And then... And then what did you do,
Mr. Delino?

And then I pulled out old Elizabeth and
zap, zap, zap, zap, zap, zap, zap.

Uh, merely a dry run as you were,
everybody.

I'd sure like to be a super swift like
you. Take my word for it, boy, it's a

hard life. You never know when some kid
jealous of your reputation will sneak up

behind you and zap you.

Has any of them ever zapped you?

Not yet.

But there's a circle on the barrel of my
gat for everyone that tried.

Oh. Well, I don't think I'd like that
part of it too much. I guess I'm just

cut out to be a super swift. Few of us
are.

Aye.

I'm clear as paint, the scourge of outer
space.

I'm the swiftest super swift that ever
blasted up a whole galaxy.

Killed my first man while obeying arms.

Born me!

And my disposition ain't changed none
whatsoever over the years.

I just arrived on your miserable pimple
of a planet and I am spoiling faction.

I ain't killed anybody.

In a dog's age.

And I am in a mean mood.

Now, which one of you gentlemen craves
the honor of engaging me in fair combat?

Which, after I kill him, I'll buy
libations for all the survivors?

Well, ain't nobody gonna defend the
honor of this planet.

Ain't none of you got any civic pride?

There's your man.

That pink -livered, puerile,
pusillanimous pipsqueak.

Well, where I come from, we place
critters like him on two slices of bread

eat them for sandwiches.

Better be careful, Mr. Zeno.

Please, Pete looks kind of dangerous.

Obviously, he doesn't know my name.

Do you know who I am, mister?

No, but I just got through telling you
what you are.

I am Zeno.

Who? Zeno.

Z -E -N -O.

That's what I thought you said.

So you're Zeno.

So what?

My dear sir, it's obvious you do not
understand the peril you're in. You see,

Zeno is... Tell him who Zeno is, will
you?

Zeno was the most fearless... Swift in
the entire galaxy.

Up to now.

Suppose you show them who you are, Zeno.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Suppose you show them.

My dear friend, I'm positive that
whatever differences exist between us

adjudicated in a civilized manner.

Do it.

Now we draw our weapons on countdown,
back to back.

10 9 8 7 6

6 5 4 3 2 1

There must be some controls on him.

I'll blast you.

You wouldn't blast an unarmed robot,
would you?

Just having some fun.

Beat it, pussycat.

Vint, how about giving us a hand?

Sorry. Never mind being sorry. Just walk
that old cat over to the smelter.

Uh -uh.

Not in my line.

Oh?

Just what is your line, you senile
delinquent?

What did you call me?

A senile delinquent.

Any objections?

Yeah.

Just this.

One more step and I'll block you.

What's the idea of drawing a gun?

Should I pull a gun on my old friend,
Major?

What could have come over me?

That's what I'd like to know.

It seems I haven't fully recovered from
the concussion I suffered at the hands

of that dreadful Zeno.

Will you forgive me, dear boy?

I'll beat it, Smith. You make me sick.

How do you figure that? Who knows?

Well, the way he talked, the way he
pulled that gun.

All of a sudden, I had a feeling it
wasn't even Smith at all.

Maybe you're right.

On the other hand, he might have a
concussion.

Either way, he got out of work, didn't
he?

Yeah, I thought he did.

William, there's something I wish to
discuss with you.

What is it, Mr. Zeno?

That is the very thing I wish to discuss
with you.

You see, I'm not really Zeno after all.

We're not going to start that again, are
we, Mr. Zeno? This is of vital

importance, my boy. Now listen
carefully.

When we get home, there will be a person
there pretending to be Dr. Smith.

But he is not Dr. Smith. I am Dr. Smith.
He is Zeno.

What is it? A spaceship on a port bow?

It must be the Enforcer. Won't this
thing go any faster?

Sister, you're an angel.

She is not an angel. She is a very
gullible little girl.

Why do you say that?

He is not ill. He is malingering.

How do you know that, pussycat?

Are you programmed as a doctor?

Just an educated guess.

You've gotten all the mileage you're
going to get out of that concussion.

Let's go.

It's Zeno, the space killer.

Save me. Save me. That's a lie.

He's Zeno. I'm Dr. Smith.

Gosh, two Dr.

Smith. That's two too many.

He's dangerous. Take that gun away from
him.

Will.

Oh, Will. Oh, my.

Oh, thank heaven you're safe.

Where's the enforcer? Didn't he bring
you back?

No, we escaped.

Zeno made me steal his spaceship.

Did you hear the boy? He admits that's
Zeno.

Well, if he's not, you are.

Anyway, one of you, Zeno, that's for
sure.

That's he, wearing my clothes.

He lies.

He's the most bloodthirsty murderer in
all space.

I'm not a murderer. I never killed a
man, honestly.

I mean to say, I never killed anyone.

Did I, William?

You sure said you did.

I did not, you dreadful little boy. I
only said that because Zeno threatened

blast me.

Well, whoever you are, let's have that
gun. Oh, no, you don't. If I surrender

arms, I shall be at the mercy of that
fiendish superscript. My life is at

Look what you've done. Without me to
protect you, the gnome will kill us all.

Mr. Space Enforcer, he's coming here.

Somebody take me. He's going to hang me.
Throw me into Peter's space, my boss.

Borrow me an aisle. Oh, dear.

All right, you. Move it in there now.
Come on. Get up there. Arms against the

wall. You were around there, too.

You're making a serious mistake, sir. I
shall hold you to account. You get back

over there.

Now, Professor Robinson, would you say
that this man followed the normal

behavior pattern of Dr. Smith for the
last two days?

Well, at times, yes. At other times,
definitely not. John.

Just a minute, dear.

When you arrive at a decision, be sure
to let me know.

Uh, this may be of some help to you.

Old lefty here pulled a gun on me. Now,
that's something that Dr. Smith would

never do. He's too big a coward. I
resent that.

My behavior hasn't been normal for the
last two days. It's due to a concussion

suffered at the hands of that desperado.

I'm a man of peace, sir.

Please believe me.

I'm inclined to believe you. My own
personal knowledge of this man convinces

that he's tricky, evasive, unreliable,
and utterly incapable of speaking the

truth. Well, now that describes Smith to
a T. But the trouble is, it also fits

him. So I guess we're not getting
anywhere, are we?

Now, this man was your companion after
he escaped from my custody. How did he

behave? Very peculiar.

Ah. Well, in your opinion, did he behave
more as Dr. Smith would have or as Zeno

the outlaw?

Well, kind of like both.

How do you mean that? Well, at first he
was scared silly, and then he got

awfully brave.

I did not.

I was scared silly all the time.

He didn't act it when we got to the
Temple of Bacchus. Uh -huh. And what did

do in the Temple of Bacchus?

Well... He bragged he could out -shoot,
out -wrestle, out -fight any galoot in

the galaxy.

That sounds like Zeno, all right.

Now, see what you've done, you
ungrateful child.

You've stabbed the best friend you ever
had right in the back.

It was just a bit of bravura, sir.

I was merely bluffing.

Oh, my dear good friend, will you kindly
tell the enforcer who I really am?

Oh, surely you recognize me, my bosom
companion?

The real Dr. Smith is no friend of mine.

He insults me and calls me bad names.

He often threatens to destroy me. Which
one of these two men treated you in that

manner? Both of them have treated me in
that manner.

You tin -plated traitor!

Just for that, I'll rip out all your
wires!

See? Lunch is ready.

And high time, too, my dear.

You too, Dr. Smith, or whoever you are.

My dear girl, how can you talk about
food when my life hangs in the balance?

Lunch and tea.

He has to be, Zeno. Dr. Smith is eating
on his way to the guillotine.

Oh, please, sir. You're making a
terrible mistake.

Well, I see that you've arrived at a
decision.

Well, since it's impossible to tell
which of the two suspects is the real

I'm taking them both into custody.

Both? Don't worry, sir. They shall
receive a fair trial by ordeal.

By ordeal?

See what you've done to me, William
Robinson.

Just what do you mean by trial by
ordeal?

It's a scientific application of the
rack and the thumb screw.

In other words, trial by torture, right?

I'm sorry, but that's the law of the
Space Federation.

That does not compute.

That is illegal.

What do you know about it? Are you a
space lawyer?

I have been programmed with a galactic
legal code.

Your warrant is for one man.

Therefore, you cannot legally take two
men into custody.

Are you sure about that?

My programming is infallible.

Well, in that case... I shall never
abuse you again as long as I live, dear

friend. He's not your friend. He's my
friend.

Aren't you, dear boy?

Negative. I am friend to neither one of
you.

Well, I only have one alternative left
to me.

Trial by combat.

Well, how does that work?

Well, the two suspects fight a duel with
pistols under regulations set down by

the Space Federation.

And what will that prove?

Well, since Zeno is the fastest super
swift in the galaxy, he's bound to win.

Him I will take into custody. No, no,
no. That means an innocent man will be

killed. Sorry, but that's the law of the
Space Federation.

Well, I can't let you go through with
that.

What you're proposing is nothing less
than cold -blooded murder.

Are you interfering with a space
official in the line of duty? If you

put it that way.

In that case, you're under arrest, too.
Then you'll have to take me, too.

Oh, come on.

Mr. Enforcer!

Mr. Enforcer, they're getting away!

I'll get them this time!

Right indeed.

Sure has all the earmarks of our Dr.
Smith.

That must be Vino.

Well, but the Enforcer's close behind.

Think he'll catch him this time, Dad?

I'm not sure, son, but I have a feeling
that the Enforcer will be chasing Vino

around for some time to come.

Well, let's help our conquering hero
back to the ship, huh?

Did you see that yellow -bellied coward
cut out and run from the great Zeno?

Yes, sir. I saw him run. I have seen you
do the same often enough, Dr. Smith.

Zeno, ninny!

Stick around, rattle trap, or I may need
another life.

Danger! The real Zeno is approaching!

Nonsense! Go on, the real... Zeno!

Save me! Save me!

The robot was just kidding, Dr. Smith.

Oh, the pain.

The pain.

You know, I wish you wouldn't wear that
outfit.

It just doesn't look good on you
anymore.

And besides, I like you better the way
you really are.

You do?

You really do?

You prefer me as my own inimitably
lovable self?

How sweet of you to say so, my dear
little friend.

How sweet you are.

I think I'm going to cry.

That third song.

Definitely a cry of the grackle.

Do you realize what it would mean to the
science of ornithology to discover a

grackle on this planet?

No. Would it be important?

Important, my dear boy, it would be a
thirst.

And if ever I return to Earth, I shall
be able to write a monograph.

Oh, dear, it's moving away from us. Come
along, William. And don't forget the

sandwiches.

It would go a lot faster if you'd carry
some of this stuff. Indeed, whatever is

the younger generation coming to? When I
was a young boy, I was eager to carry

heavy loads, confident that the exercise
would improve my muscles.

Oh, very well. I'll lighten your load.
Give it here.

Yes.

Thanks a lot.

Our prey will escape.

Oh, dear. We've lost it.

Dr. Smith? Yes?

Soul, it looks like a lyre.

The kind of harp played in ancient
times.

It must belong to somebody.

Oh, my, yes.

Whatever these stones are, they must be
of tremendous value.

Dr. Smith, I think you'd better leave it
alone.

Anyone can see it's only a...

All these rocks.

And the fire.

That dreadful smell of brimstone.

Oh, no!

Help me!

A kindly, noble Zachary Smith should end
up in this infernal place.

the game.