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Our home has been selected
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to host
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the bi-annual vampire orgy.
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One time they
tried going triannual.
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Which is bloody pointless,
'cause it takes me
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at least six months to
recover from any orgy.
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Yes, it does.
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We're gonna have some fun.
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Vampire sex is like pizza,
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in that even when it's bad it's good.
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It's designed to be enjoyed
by eight or more people.
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There's a choice of toppings.
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And in the morning, you're like,
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"Aah! Why do I have puncture wounds
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on my penis?"
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Vampire sex is
a carnival of desires.
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With pale bodies as far
as the eye can see.
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Fornicating, diddling,
widdling, snarling.
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An amazing experience
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that can last years.
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It's fine.
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- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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- So we need the blood fountain.
- Okay, blood fountain.
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And some real, pure opium.
About ten kilos.
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Where would I find that?
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We need some sexy
paintings for the walls.
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I was thinking we
replace this picture of us
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with that lovely one where we were naked
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- and we have cherries in our bums.
- Yeah.
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Can we get some sort of protective spray
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to put all over the carpet?
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Because Laszlo will spray
all over the carpet.
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What you don't understand is
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the stigma attached to
throwing a poor orgy.
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I mean, I've known people
who have committed suicide
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after a poor orgy.
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I wouldn't go that far.
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I would kill you, though.
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And then I'd kill myself.
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There's no recovery
from that humiliation.
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I don't like to even speak of
it, but the notorious orgy
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- of 1937, well...
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
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Don't even say the year.
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It was a lot of just
very terrible chitchat.
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I cannot even speak the
name of the vampire
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that organized that monstrosity.
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I don't give a fuck. His name was Mike.
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Fucking Mike.
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Oh, and we need an ancient
Burmese lingam and yoni set.
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To be safe, get six.
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Nadja, Laszlo, please.
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Guillermo is my familiar,
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only I can order him about.
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Thank you, master.
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Is there anything you need?
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All the things they just said.
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And absorbent towels. Lots of them.
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I almost forgot.
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Most important, we must, must, must
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get a succulent virgin feast.
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Well, about that... I've
been meaning to tell you,
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I seem to have, uh, overfished that...
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- Did you write down the towels?
- Yes.
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You need to re-cover that chaise longue.
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'Cause I'll ejaculate
straight through that.
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My only concern about the orgy is, uh,
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that people won't enjoy my room.
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I've n-I've never had anyone in here.
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I have a strobe light up.
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And a couple speakers playing, uh,
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some acid jazz.
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What else? I have my, uh,
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my trusty filing cabinet.
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I always wanted one of these
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when I was a child but never got one.
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It was one of my first purchases.
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I also stocked up on some Neosporin.
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I have some paintings, some pictures.
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I got this one because
it shows human food,
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and if I ever have a human in here,
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they'll feel at home.
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Uh, I found it at a Holiday Inn.
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I-I'm-I'm really getting into it.
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Obviously, the orgy standard
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of having a mirrored ceiling
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doesn't really work for vampires,
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so we have developed our own way.
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I don't... I... I don't know
what you want me to say.
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Just describe what you see.
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Um...
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Well, it's a beautiful scene.
Someone is seductively riding,
92
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:08,883
uh, a candlestick up and down.
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Someone's on the couch
sucking and getting sucked.
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- Louder!
- Sucking and...
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Oh, geez...
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No. I will not
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be participating in the orgy, no.
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Besides, I-I don't, uh,
I don't kiss and tell.
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But I can tell you,
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00:04:21,392 --> 00:04:22,915
is that, uh...
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I don't kiss.
102
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We need specifics.
103
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What am I doing to my ass cheeks?
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You are, uh, you're licking it...
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Can you just describe what you see?
It's not hard.
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Good boy, that's right.
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Must be my birthday.
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I can't. I'm sorry. I was
raised very Catholic.
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- I need... I need a second.
- Okay.
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En garde, there.
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It's just a
lot of demanding things.
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I mean, I'm not even,
technically, their familiar.
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They've just been asking me
to do all kinds of stuff.
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It's a pleasure swing, you
fucknut, not a sex net.
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That's the sex net. Get
that out of the box
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- and attach it to the ceiling.
- "Gizmo,
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get the dildos."
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"Gizmo, try out the dildos."
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"Mmm. How were the dildos?"
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They're fine.
121
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No one is a fucknut, okay?
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He's trying to finish it, Laszlo.
123
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And what about the virgins?
Have you got any yet? No.
124
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- Of course you haven't.
- Um, but I'm just trying...
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"But, but, but." You're like a
nonstop but machine.
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That reminds me, have you ordered
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- the nonstop butt machine?
- You know what?!
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I'm gonna take five minutes
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before I say something I'm gonna regret.
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- Oh!
- Easy there.
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Eh... Slam the door.
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You gonna let him get away with that?
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He's gone, he's gotten away with it.
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And it is unacceptable.
135
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I will talk to him.
136
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- Knock, knock.
- Oh. Good evening, master.
137
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- Is there something you need?
- No, no.
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Just coming in for a chat.
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I noticed that Nadja and Laszlo
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have been quite pushy with you
with all the orgy planning.
141
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Oh, it's okay, it's not
a big deal, master.
142
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No, it is a big deal.
143
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And they locked you in this closet?
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This is my room.
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I pay $1,200 a month.
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Oh.
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If I find I am in a situation
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where an idiot is complaining to me,
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you can either kill them
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or you can pretend to listening to them.
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00:06:14,299 --> 00:06:16,301
So what you're saying is that
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your feelings have been hurt.
153
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Well, kinda.
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Talk about that.
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Oh, okay. Um... Well,
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- I just feel that sometimes...
- Yes, yes.
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I feel that I have... People
aren't listening to me
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- when I speak.
- Yes, yes, tell me more.
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And they just tell me "yes,"
and they don't really listen
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- to what I'm saying.
- Yes. Really speak from the heart.
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When I speak from the heart, I
feel like no one's really...
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And now that bit is done.
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Orgy stuff. A few of my
favorite things, as they say.
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The cat o' nine tails.
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Oliver Cromwell's head.
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My codpiece. Bat codpiece.
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200-year-old peekaboo cape,
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the idea being you walk into the orgy,
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you announce yourself...
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and then do that.
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Oh!
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Oh, yes!
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You wait till my good
lady wife sees this.
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In the late 1800s,
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a new and exciting medium was invented,
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and that medium was called "cinema."
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And then, about a week later,
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that developed into pornos.
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Now, the first porno film I ever made
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was called The Adventures
of a Very Randy Vampire.
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And I played the leading role
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of the very randy vampire.
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I was cast because they thought
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that I looked like a vampire,
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never once realizing
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that I was a fucking vampire.
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I took part in thousands
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of pornos over the years.
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If you see them now,
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they are still very, very erotic.
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My darling, I have found something
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that will have our orgy
talked about for centuries.
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Just put it on the pile, Laszlo.
194
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All right there, Constantin?
195
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Ooh.
196
00:08:05,048 --> 00:08:07,093
- Oops.
- What is that?
197
00:08:07,226 --> 00:08:09,769
I really have no idea.
198
00:08:09,803 --> 00:08:11,905
Perhaps we should watch it.
199
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:15,804
You don't like the Christmas section?
200
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- Don't say that word.
- Sorry.
201
00:08:18,423 --> 00:08:20,521
We are still
looking for virgins, yes,
202
00:08:20,545 --> 00:08:23,679
but my master thought it'd be
best to get decorations first,
203
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which makes sense, because, uh...
204
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Well, it just... It makes sense.
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So, for this chocolate fountain,
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00:08:32,723 --> 00:08:34,658
you can put other stuff, I'm assuming...
207
00:08:34,683 --> 00:08:36,485
- I mean...
- that's thicker than chocolate?
208
00:08:36,613 --> 00:08:38,296
What's thicker than chocolate?
209
00:08:38,321 --> 00:08:40,458
Did you ask about the jade buttock eggs?
210
00:08:40,483 --> 00:08:41,618
No, I did not.
211
00:08:41,643 --> 00:08:43,241
- Butter cakes?
- Buttock eggs
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made from jade that you
put inside your butt.
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00:08:46,172 --> 00:08:47,351
I don't think they have them.
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00:08:47,376 --> 00:08:48,734
I'd have to check on that, for sure.
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00:08:48,759 --> 00:08:51,091
- They don't have to be made of jade.
- I haven't seen it.
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They can be made of anything.
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00:08:52,821 --> 00:08:53,999
But not silver,
218
00:08:54,024 --> 00:08:56,757
because, you know, otherwise, ouch.
219
00:08:57,030 --> 00:08:59,484
- He's joking.
- There's a silver egg in my butt.
220
00:08:59,509 --> 00:09:00,885
Did you carry them?
221
00:09:00,910 --> 00:09:03,312
We do mostly, like, loot bags for kids.
222
00:09:03,337 --> 00:09:04,999
I don't think-I don't
think they have them.
223
00:09:06,762 --> 00:09:10,491
I'm very happy that my master's
gonna help me find a virgin,
224
00:09:10,516 --> 00:09:12,405
'cause it is slim pickings
225
00:09:12,430 --> 00:09:15,202
out here in these streets.
226
00:09:15,585 --> 00:09:18,593
The Christian college chastity
club seemed promising until
227
00:09:18,618 --> 00:09:20,393
I found out that most of them had a...
228
00:09:20,418 --> 00:09:23,968
different definition of
"virgin" than the common one.
229
00:09:24,072 --> 00:09:27,476
Believe it or not, CrossFit
gyms are full of virgins.
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00:09:27,541 --> 00:09:29,773
No one's touched them,
and the reason being
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00:09:29,798 --> 00:09:32,929
is because they won't
shut up about CrossFit.
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00:09:33,077 --> 00:09:34,646
If you saw a man
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00:09:34,671 --> 00:09:36,292
dressed in this mask,
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00:09:36,317 --> 00:09:38,687
would you think it was a mood killer
235
00:09:38,833 --> 00:09:40,935
or would you come?
236
00:09:41,905 --> 00:09:43,311
I'm not sure.
237
00:09:44,530 --> 00:09:45,999
Wait, wait, wait.
238
00:09:46,032 --> 00:09:48,554
Look at that man, Guillermo.
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00:09:50,689 --> 00:09:52,843
He looks delicious.
240
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,786
He has to be a virgin.
241
00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:56,112
I don't think he's a virgin.
We should just probably
242
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,452
- keep shopping...
- He is a virgin.
243
00:09:57,477 --> 00:09:58,778
Guillermo!
244
00:09:58,904 --> 00:10:00,796
Hey! Jeremy!
245
00:10:00,821 --> 00:10:03,754
- Is that... I thought it was you.
- It was me, yeah.
246
00:10:03,779 --> 00:10:04,320
Yeah.
247
00:10:04,345 --> 00:10:05,491
Where have you been lately?
248
00:10:05,516 --> 00:10:07,773
We've been having some hella
crazy Fortnite sessions.
249
00:10:07,798 --> 00:10:10,334
Hasn't been as fun without
old GuillermoGoth2000.
250
00:10:10,359 --> 00:10:12,671
- Oh, shit. No, my...
- Did you-did you change
251
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:14,655
- your gamertag? You can tell me.
- No, no.
252
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,062
Work stuff. It's...
My boss just keeps,
253
00:10:16,087 --> 00:10:16,826
I'm so sorry.
254
00:10:16,851 --> 00:10:18,390
- You know, riding me.
- Uh-huh.
255
00:10:18,415 --> 00:10:20,052
You know, it was good
talking to you though.
256
00:10:20,077 --> 00:10:21,215
- Yeah.
- So, take care. I'll see you, okay?
257
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:22,374
You having a party or something?
258
00:10:22,399 --> 00:10:23,273
No.
259
00:10:23,298 --> 00:10:24,266
Yes.
260
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:26,314
Yes, we are having a party,
261
00:10:26,491 --> 00:10:29,710
and we'd very much love
to extend an invitation.
262
00:10:29,735 --> 00:10:32,386
No, I don't think Jeremy
and his girlfriend
263
00:10:32,411 --> 00:10:34,960
would, uh, want to come to a lame party.
264
00:10:34,985 --> 00:10:35,986
- It's just...
- I don't...
265
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,046
I don't have a girlfriend.
266
00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:38,179
Yeah, you do.
267
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:39,067
Oh, you're...
268
00:10:39,092 --> 00:10:40,624
- Yeah.
- No, that was a catfish.
269
00:10:40,649 --> 00:10:43,445
Jeremy is definitely a virgin.
I mean, big-time.
270
00:10:43,857 --> 00:10:46,538
But, um... he's also my friend.
271
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,366
- Yeah.
- There was a girl though, right?
272
00:10:48,391 --> 00:10:49,793
- Oh. Yeah.
- Yeah.
273
00:10:49,818 --> 00:10:51,108
Oh, I just started seeing this woman.
274
00:10:51,133 --> 00:10:51,968
- There you go.
- Yeah.
275
00:10:51,993 --> 00:10:53,361
Yeah, I thought so.
276
00:10:53,385 --> 00:10:54,854
- So...
- It's for my nosebleeds.
277
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,049
- Geez, Jeremy. God.
- It's not going well.
278
00:10:57,074 --> 00:10:59,820
But, you know, once I finally
have that under control,
279
00:10:59,845 --> 00:11:02,116
- maybe I'll finally meet someone.
- Ah.
280
00:11:02,141 --> 00:11:04,070
Oh, boy.
281
00:11:04,095 --> 00:11:05,452
Oh, boy.
282
00:11:05,477 --> 00:11:08,313
Okay. Oops.
283
00:11:08,338 --> 00:11:10,077
- Yeah, that's a nosebleed.
- Yeah.
284
00:11:10,102 --> 00:11:11,835
Just gonna go find some more tissues,
285
00:11:11,860 --> 00:11:13,843
'cause this one's gonna be
full any second.
286
00:11:13,868 --> 00:11:15,390
- Just go. Just get out of here.
- Yeah, okay.
287
00:11:15,415 --> 00:11:16,629
Nice to meet you. Hey.
288
00:11:16,654 --> 00:11:18,734
- Just go, Jeremy. Just go.
- Yeah, okay.
289
00:11:20,934 --> 00:11:23,354
You know, I like to keep
290
00:11:23,379 --> 00:11:25,788
my personal life and
my work life separate.
291
00:11:25,813 --> 00:11:27,413
I don't want them to cross over.
292
00:11:27,438 --> 00:11:28,846
Makes it easier when you find someone
293
00:11:28,871 --> 00:11:30,639
that you're gonna sacri...
294
00:11:32,699 --> 00:11:33,782
Yeah.
295
00:11:33,807 --> 00:11:35,073
Mmm.
296
00:11:35,098 --> 00:11:39,077
That is some of the most
virginal blood I've ever tasted.
297
00:11:42,752 --> 00:11:44,627
We must have him.
298
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,370
It's gonna be a tough one.
299
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:50,854
There's a man who enjoys his work.
300
00:11:51,215 --> 00:11:53,307
This was banned for 60 years.
301
00:11:55,092 --> 00:11:57,294
Zounds! I'm indecent!
302
00:11:57,375 --> 00:11:59,410
Time to 23 skidoo.
303
00:11:59,435 --> 00:12:02,463
Or should I say "69 skidoo"?
304
00:12:02,831 --> 00:12:05,283
Let's see State
College win their big game
305
00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:07,065
without their star quarterback.
306
00:12:09,533 --> 00:12:11,182
How can I
ever make it up to you?
307
00:12:12,278 --> 00:12:13,008
Oh, yeah.
308
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:14,291
Be-Bop-A-Lube-a, yeah.
309
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:16,719
I'm about to launch a Sputnik.
310
00:12:16,983 --> 00:12:18,719
There is nothing more devastating
311
00:12:18,744 --> 00:12:21,299
than finding out your
husband has made porn
312
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:23,193
and it's so bloody boring.
313
00:12:24,734 --> 00:12:26,440
So, how old are you?
314
00:12:26,465 --> 00:12:28,633
267.
315
00:12:29,002 --> 00:12:30,352
I joke.
316
00:12:30,377 --> 00:12:31,797
I'm 18.
317
00:12:31,971 --> 00:12:34,346
Have you ever been with a man before?
318
00:12:35,224 --> 00:12:38,165
And how would you like me
to answer that, Philip?
319
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:39,172
No.
320
00:12:39,205 --> 00:12:41,080
You'll never guess where this is going.
321
00:12:41,105 --> 00:12:43,140
Then the answer's no.
322
00:12:45,549 --> 00:12:47,322
The only thing those
videos were good for
323
00:12:47,347 --> 00:12:49,533
was for putting crying babies to sleep.
324
00:12:49,558 --> 00:12:52,891
And now the 1990s.
325
00:12:52,916 --> 00:12:55,174
Could it be any sexier?
326
00:12:55,199 --> 00:12:57,682
Where have you been? I paged
you over an hour ago.
327
00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:01,164
Who are these people
who are always paging?
328
00:13:01,189 --> 00:13:02,955
And what's the deal with pagers?
329
00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:04,332
Shut up and get over here.
330
00:13:04,357 --> 00:13:05,729
Mm. Yep.
331
00:13:05,754 --> 00:13:08,760
This is exactly what I want
to be doing right now.
332
00:13:09,104 --> 00:13:12,305
Laszlo, darling, I just think your work,
333
00:13:12,330 --> 00:13:13,987
as stimulating as it is,
334
00:13:14,012 --> 00:13:16,940
it is not quite right for our orgy.
335
00:13:16,965 --> 00:13:20,221
It-It's like erotica for churchgoers.
336
00:13:20,246 --> 00:13:22,377
Even Vampire Tricked in Steam Room?
337
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,526
That one didn't even make any sense.
338
00:13:23,551 --> 00:13:26,117
I mean, how could we see
what you were doing
339
00:13:26,142 --> 00:13:26,994
but you couldn't?
340
00:13:27,019 --> 00:13:29,299
No, no, no, no. You've
misunderstood it, my darling.
341
00:13:29,324 --> 00:13:31,432
What happens in that is I'm sat there,
342
00:13:31,457 --> 00:13:33,692
surrounded, I think, by women.
343
00:13:34,065 --> 00:13:35,428
The steam subsides,
344
00:13:35,461 --> 00:13:39,135
and I realize I'm actually
surrounded by chaps.
345
00:13:39,291 --> 00:13:40,699
But I enjoy it.
346
00:13:40,733 --> 00:13:41,776
Well, I got that bit.
347
00:13:41,801 --> 00:13:43,535
I just think...
348
00:13:44,229 --> 00:13:45,533
it's boring.
349
00:13:45,674 --> 00:13:47,206
Boring?
350
00:13:49,142 --> 00:13:51,044
You think it's all boring?
351
00:13:52,751 --> 00:13:54,994
I shall be in our bedchamber.
352
00:13:55,415 --> 00:13:56,501
Oh, Laszlo.
353
00:13:56,526 --> 00:13:57,346
No, no.
354
00:13:57,371 --> 00:13:59,547
She said that my pornos were boring,
355
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,254
which is an unbelievable reaction.
356
00:14:01,287 --> 00:14:02,946
I showed her a century's worth
357
00:14:02,971 --> 00:14:04,227
of my pornos.
358
00:14:04,252 --> 00:14:05,979
That's a lot of porn.
359
00:14:06,004 --> 00:14:07,936
I don't think she followed the plots.
360
00:14:09,019 --> 00:14:11,776
Hey, Jeremy. Sorry I'm
calling you so late.
361
00:14:11,801 --> 00:14:13,657
Jeremy and I go way back.
362
00:14:13,682 --> 00:14:16,015
We've been friends, um,
since high school.
363
00:14:16,019 --> 00:14:17,096
What are you doing tonight?
364
00:14:17,121 --> 00:14:18,541
We were really just attached
365
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,174
at the hip. Not by choice,
366
00:14:20,199 --> 00:14:24,346
but because they would
literally, um, use hot glue.
367
00:14:25,104 --> 00:14:27,135
I invited Jeremy to the party.
368
00:14:27,877 --> 00:14:29,783
No, just yourself.
369
00:14:30,283 --> 00:14:32,627
Oh, I think they got all
the drinks covered.
370
00:14:33,452 --> 00:14:34,820
Yeah, I feel bad.
371
00:14:34,845 --> 00:14:36,312
You know what, I'm doing
whatever it takes
372
00:14:36,337 --> 00:14:38,339
to become a vampire.
373
00:14:39,874 --> 00:14:41,375
Oh. Sorry.
374
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,510
Somebody told me this was a closet.
375
00:14:47,899 --> 00:14:50,212
It's going to be an amazing orgy.
376
00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:53,222
Over here, we have a
sculpture which depicts
377
00:14:53,247 --> 00:14:55,914
the moment that my parents conceived me.
378
00:14:55,939 --> 00:14:58,875
In here, we have the
fluffers' chill-out area.
379
00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:02,337
Here we have the traditional
animal fur laden with rings.
380
00:15:02,362 --> 00:15:03,575
Not for your fingers.
381
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,169
Electric chair role-play.
382
00:15:05,194 --> 00:15:07,029
"What are your last words?"
383
00:15:07,054 --> 00:15:08,685
"I want to have sex."
384
00:15:09,779 --> 00:15:11,982
- Laszlo, what is going on?
- I'm not coming.
385
00:15:12,007 --> 00:15:13,738
What are you doing? What is this?
386
00:15:13,763 --> 00:15:15,771
Are you role-playing as a depressed man?
387
00:15:15,796 --> 00:15:17,463
It's not not working.
388
00:15:17,488 --> 00:15:18,630
I'm not coming to the orgy.
389
00:15:18,655 --> 00:15:20,258
- I'm not in the mood.
- What?
390
00:15:20,283 --> 00:15:22,451
Is this because I said
your porno was terrible?
391
00:15:22,476 --> 00:15:23,710
The pornos were superb.
392
00:15:23,735 --> 00:15:26,704
Have you any idea how difficult
it is to make a porno?
393
00:15:26,729 --> 00:15:29,231
Laszlo, do you want our
orgy to fall apart
394
00:15:29,256 --> 00:15:32,592
and for our good vampire
names to go down in history
395
00:15:32,617 --> 00:15:35,263
with he whose name that
we never say the name of?
396
00:15:35,288 --> 00:15:36,747
- You mean Mike?
- Yes, fucking Mike!
397
00:15:36,772 --> 00:15:38,591
To be honest with you,
I couldn't care less.
398
00:15:38,616 --> 00:15:39,545
Good night.
399
00:15:39,570 --> 00:15:41,200
Laszlo, don't you dare go back in there.
400
00:15:41,225 --> 00:15:43,302
No, I'm not coming. Let go of the lid.
401
00:15:45,681 --> 00:15:48,482
Yes, I suppose I am a
little bit stressed.
402
00:15:49,897 --> 00:15:51,927
To throw a bad vampire orgy,
403
00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:53,910
I don't know how one would recover.
404
00:15:53,943 --> 00:15:56,410
Half the bats you see,
they are just vampires
405
00:15:56,435 --> 00:15:57,841
that have thrown terrible orgies,
406
00:15:57,866 --> 00:15:59,004
and they are too ashamed
407
00:15:59,029 --> 00:16:00,825
to regain their vampire form.
408
00:16:00,850 --> 00:16:03,685
They just flit around. Shame bats.
409
00:16:03,710 --> 00:16:05,271
Bats full of shame.
410
00:16:05,296 --> 00:16:06,263
And you know them,
411
00:16:06,288 --> 00:16:08,421
'cause they don't fly as high.
412
00:16:12,622 --> 00:16:15,232
- Jiang Shi!
- Nadja!
413
00:16:15,257 --> 00:16:17,165
Chinese jumping vampire.
414
00:16:21,572 --> 00:16:23,285
- Brought my cousin.
- Is he a Babadook?
415
00:16:23,310 --> 00:16:24,982
No, actually, I'm a Badabook.
416
00:16:25,007 --> 00:16:27,289
You know, like, uh, bada-bing, Badabook.
417
00:16:27,314 --> 00:16:28,815
Hey-oh! Ah!
418
00:16:32,464 --> 00:16:35,283
And I don't believe for one minute
419
00:16:35,308 --> 00:16:38,138
that the raccoon actually
solved the Rubik's Cube
420
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:41,880
that it was given in the video
because there are clearly cuts
421
00:16:41,905 --> 00:16:44,364
in the video, but it was darling.
422
00:16:44,389 --> 00:16:45,679
- Such a doll.
- Really?
423
00:16:45,704 --> 00:16:46,638
Yeah.
424
00:16:46,663 --> 00:16:47,607
- No, not when I...
- Sorry.
425
00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:49,797
Um, and, uh, who are you?
426
00:16:49,822 --> 00:16:51,958
Oh. Uh, hi. I'm Jeremy.
427
00:16:51,983 --> 00:16:54,349
I brought mochi ice cream.
428
00:16:54,591 --> 00:16:57,482
Is there a place that I
can put my backpack?
429
00:16:57,763 --> 00:17:00,755
Everyone, the virgin is here!
430
00:17:04,279 --> 00:17:06,005
Jeremy's here. He just got here,
431
00:17:06,030 --> 00:17:07,857
and, uh, all the vampires'
eyes just lit up
432
00:17:07,882 --> 00:17:08,950
when he came in.
433
00:17:10,706 --> 00:17:12,458
I think I did a good job as a familiar.
434
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,497
Yeah.
435
00:17:15,958 --> 00:17:17,505
Maybe not so much as a friend.
436
00:17:17,530 --> 00:17:19,044
Guillermo, hey.
437
00:17:19,069 --> 00:17:20,436
This is a great party.
438
00:17:20,559 --> 00:17:22,127
Everyone's really friendly. Hi.
439
00:17:22,152 --> 00:17:24,520
- Yeah, what did you bring?
- I brought mochi.
440
00:17:24,545 --> 00:17:26,180
I thought maybe people would eat that.
441
00:17:26,481 --> 00:17:28,982
Yeah. Yeah.
442
00:17:29,807 --> 00:17:32,076
They're gonna tear him apart.
443
00:17:37,611 --> 00:17:39,304
I'm here!
444
00:17:40,688 --> 00:17:44,250
The life of the orgy has arrived.
445
00:17:44,599 --> 00:17:46,180
Bit stiff.
446
00:17:47,036 --> 00:17:48,367
I've done a bad thing.
447
00:17:48,392 --> 00:17:50,643
I just brought my friend to
a house full of vampires.
448
00:17:50,668 --> 00:17:53,225
I brought my virgin friend
into a house full of vampires.
449
00:17:53,250 --> 00:17:55,086
Is it hot in here?
450
00:17:55,111 --> 00:17:56,186
Hey.
451
00:17:56,211 --> 00:17:58,351
Mr. '50s, you made it.
452
00:17:58,376 --> 00:17:59,992
Yeesh.
453
00:18:00,017 --> 00:18:01,944
Well, you could argue,
though, that all you need
454
00:18:01,969 --> 00:18:03,341
is a cell phone.
455
00:18:03,366 --> 00:18:05,739
Listen. Listen, stop talking.
456
00:18:05,764 --> 00:18:08,750
- Oh, no.
- Listen, my name is Laszlo,
457
00:18:08,775 --> 00:18:12,842
and I was not going to come
to this orgy this evening
458
00:18:12,867 --> 00:18:14,840
- because my heart was in pain.
- Who cares?
459
00:18:14,865 --> 00:18:17,741
Yes! Vampire
Tricked in Steam Room!
460
00:18:17,766 --> 00:18:18,539
Yes, it is me.
461
00:18:19,323 --> 00:18:20,132
Anyway,
462
00:18:20,157 --> 00:18:23,026
I put my heavy heart to one side
463
00:18:23,051 --> 00:18:26,931
for the love of my good lady wife Nadja.
464
00:18:26,956 --> 00:18:28,868
- Ugh.
- Recently,
465
00:18:28,893 --> 00:18:31,463
I was watching all of my porno films,
466
00:18:31,488 --> 00:18:34,436
which are sexy and a turn-on.
467
00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:37,505
But they lack one thing
and one important thing.
468
00:18:37,530 --> 00:18:39,858
And that one thing is love.
469
00:18:39,883 --> 00:18:41,285
The love I share
470
00:18:41,310 --> 00:18:44,100
for my good lady wife Nadja.
471
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:48,224
What say we conduct our
own orgy upstairs?
472
00:18:48,249 --> 00:18:50,376
- A two-person orgy.
- What?
473
00:18:50,409 --> 00:18:53,168
Here's to love and making love!
474
00:18:53,238 --> 00:18:54,445
What a boner killer.
475
00:18:54,470 --> 00:18:56,306
And I thought Mike threw a bad orgy.
476
00:18:56,331 --> 00:18:57,516
I think I'm
going to take off.
477
00:18:57,541 --> 00:18:58,134
N-No, no.
478
00:18:58,159 --> 00:19:00,887
Wait, wait. No, wait, everyone.
No, no, wait!
479
00:19:00,912 --> 00:19:03,034
'Cause we haven't had the best part yet.
480
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,160
I did a terrible thing.
481
00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:06,237
I just killed my friend. Oh, God.
482
00:19:06,262 --> 00:19:07,346
I brought my v-virgin friend
483
00:19:07,371 --> 00:19:09,284
into a house full of vampires.
484
00:19:09,309 --> 00:19:10,677
Oh, God, they're gonna rip him apart.
485
00:19:10,702 --> 00:19:14,040
Guess what. There is
the most gorgeous...
486
00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:15,799
I got to help him.
487
00:19:15,824 --> 00:19:18,956
Nosebleedy, asthma-suffering,
488
00:19:18,981 --> 00:19:20,956
- uh, doesn't clean his sheets...
- Jeremy!
489
00:19:20,981 --> 00:19:23,588
Mouth-breathing virgin!
490
00:19:26,429 --> 00:19:28,149
Jeremy, you have to leave.
491
00:19:28,174 --> 00:19:29,727
- They're all vamp...
- Guillermo.
492
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:31,682
This party's awesome!
493
00:19:31,707 --> 00:19:33,344
I, uh, I...
494
00:19:33,369 --> 00:19:35,846
Is this the way out?
495
00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:43,057
Well...
496
00:19:43,310 --> 00:19:46,221
looks like, uh, Jeremy's
not a virgin anymore.
497
00:19:50,006 --> 00:19:52,291
So, sorry about that, gang.
498
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:53,940
This orgy didn't count.
499
00:19:53,965 --> 00:19:56,877
Don't tell your friends
it was a bad orgy.
500
00:19:57,581 --> 00:19:59,312
So, uh...
501
00:19:59,352 --> 00:20:01,421
just us three, then?
502
00:20:10,923 --> 00:20:13,081
Okay, these are both good.
503
00:20:17,369 --> 00:20:19,607
I'm just going to check up on Laszlo.
504
00:20:19,632 --> 00:20:21,233
Poor guy.
505
00:20:21,266 --> 00:20:24,729
I don't think Nadja will let
him forget about this one.
506
00:20:24,952 --> 00:20:27,315
Laszlo.
507
00:21:09,407 --> 00:21:15,555
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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