Original subtitles

Are you going to be a good sub and do as I say?

Yes.

Yes, what? Yes, sir.

And why will you submit to me in this way?

Because I am your sub, sir.

That's right. And why are you my sub?

Because you are worthy of being my dom.

Good girl.

The story I'm about to tell you may shock you.

Make you feel uncomfortable... even scared.

But not for the reasons you think.

Mom! Hey, sweetheart.

Chad's mom says not to pick him up on Thursday. He's not going to practice.

Thank you. Now why don't you go take your dirty uniform off and put in the laundry?

This is my story. And it's real.

It's not a fantasy or a nightmare,

although it has elements of both.

It's a story of liberation through sex,

power, domination,

submission... and love.

The story has its beginnings, like many,

in what I now see was a very unhealthy marriage.

Woo-hoo!! Take that, jerk-off!

Tyler! How many times do I have to tell you

to turn that game off?

And don't talk like that.

Hello? Hey. How's it going?

Oh, hey! Um, good. I guess you got checked in okay?

Obviously, or I wouldn't be calling you right now. Listen,

I'm gonna stick around for a couple extra days, do some golfing with a few of the guys.

Oh. Okay. Well, as long

as you're gonna be back by Halloween?

Yes, Delaine, how many times do you have to ask me?

I will be back to take the kids trick-or-treating.

Mommy, is that Daddy?

Yes, it is, sweetheart. Tyler, it's time for dinner.

Amanda wants to talk to you, hold on one second.

No, listen, Delaine, I gotta go. I gotta meet some guys down at the bar.

I'll call you tomorrow, okay?

Okay.

I wanted to say hi to Daddy!

Oh, I know, I'm sorry, sweetheart.

I promise we'll call him tomorrow, okay?

Okay.

Now, napkins on our laps.

I didn't know it then, but this was the beginning of the end.

For years, I'd single-handedly raised our two children

while my husband made a living. He was rarely around,

and when he was, his attention was elsewhere.

So when he was home, I tried to keep the peace

for the sake of our kids, and when he was gone,

I just made excuses.

Hello?

Is Robert there?

No. He's away for work. Who is this?

Chubbo's Bar & Grill.

Hi. I just got a call from this number.

It was a woman asking for my husband, Robert Morris.

Uh, that was Natasha.

Just hang up on her.

Just hang up! No, please, don't hang up!

Hello?

Your girlfriend just called.

What girlfriend? What are you talking about? Natasha.

Okay, listen to me.

I'm coming home. I'm coming home right now.

Robert insisted he wasn't in love

with Natasha. It was purely sexual.

He said the affair was my fault.

If I'd been more interested in sex,

he wouldn't have gone looking for it elsewhere.

So I tried.

Somehow, I managed to twist the betrayal I felt into anger at myself

for being an inferior wife, and instead of demanding that he leave,

I forgave him...

even though the act of sex made me feel

even less connected to him.

Jim said Robert invited him to go to the car show this weekend, so...

Oh, gosh! What just happened?

Every once in a while, I get this searing pain

in my hip. It's...

I've been to three doctors and none of them can tell me what's wrong.

That's because western medicine sucks. Oh.

You need to go see an acupuncturist. When I had that thing with my neck,

it's the only thing that worked. The guy I saw was good.

I'll give you his number. Graham

is the name. Okay.

Here it is.

An acupuncturist?

You know that stuff's just a bunch of phony crap, right?

There's no scientific evidence

that sticking needles into your skin relieves pain.

I just haven't slept through the night for weeks. I wanna try it.

Okay, fine.

Try it. But we're going to cancel your gym membership.

So the choice is yours. You can have

some tree-hugger stick you with needles,

or you can have your spin class.

Up to you.

Over the years, I had deferred so many decisions to my husband

that I wondered if I was capable of even making a right choice anymore.

I hadn't always been like that.

I could remember a time when I was confident and happy

and could hold my own in any situation.

Acupuncture is the study of the body as a whole.

Qi is the energy that flows through us.

When it's interrupted,

you have pain. But that doesn't mean

that the block is in the hip. It might be somewhere else in the body.

You can sit up now.

So since your doctors have ruled out organ malfunction

and you don't have any injuries,

let's talk about your emotional health.

Can you think of anything that might be causing you stress?

No, everything's good.

Well, it may take a few sessions,

but we'll figure it out.

There was something about Graham that made me feel... centered.

His sessions helped me so much

that I started going twice a week.

And about a month in, I had what you might call...

a breakthrough.

What did today's session trigger?

My husband had an affair.

You're the first person I've told.

I can't really blame him, though. I looked her up online,

she's gorgeous. Delaine,

his cheating had to do with him, not you.

I just want him to be attracted to me.

He says he will

after I get breast implants.

Whose idea was that?

Mine. Sort of.

I just want him to be happy.

Are you happy?

I will be.

When I feel like I'm enough for him.

Delaine, uh...

For there to be real love between two people,

there has to be a spiritual relationship.

A physical relationship

without the spiritual is like a body with no soul.

You have a beautiful spirit.

See, women have a feminine energy that we don't.

So the masculine energy

craves the feminine one for completion.

That's why it's more about a spiritual connection

than a physical one.

You exude that feminine energy.

And that is why you are so alluring.

Graham's words made me feel attractive again.

For years, I had just turned my head and ignored it

when Robert would stare at a beautiful woman in a restaurant

or at the store.

But when I thought of Graham,

I thought of a man who couldn't keep his eyes off me.

For once, I was the object of desire.

And on nights when Robert was gone,

I began to imagine what it would feel like

to make love to Graham.

I did feel guilty fantasizing about someone who wasn't my husband.

But those fantasies awoke something in me

that had been gone a long time.

You're making progress.

It doesn't hurt like it used to.

Well, normally I'd tell you that you don't need to come in as often.

But I'm not going to say that.

I wanna make sure that I'm not making a mistake.

Who's saying it's a mistake?

Your head or your heart?

♪ I want to break bread

♪ With you

♪ To dance amongst the dead with you ♪

♪ To fall into the arms

♪ Of the sea and to breathe

♪ I want to break each rule with you ♪

♪ I want to say I can be true

♪ To feel your body breaking through ♪

♪ Is to breathe and breathe and breathe ♪

Even though I was riddled with guilt afterward,

I did something I never thought I would do.

I had sex with someone besides Robert.

Go ahead. One, two. There are people

who will tell you that an affair can actually make a marriage better.

Okay, go again.

Hey.

Did you forget to pack my gray slacks? They were at the cleaners,

So I packed your brown ones instead and the shirt that goes with 'em.

Right, see,

this is why you need to ask them specifically for next-day service.

It's the whole reason we switched dry cleaners, right?

Yeah, I guess it was.

Yeah. Okay, I gotta go.

It doesn't make it better. It just gives you

something to escape to. Whose turn is it? Mine.

Awesome, let's go.

The marriage is still broken.

A broken marriage for me, at that time,

seemed a better alternative than a broken home for them,

so I chose to stay

with Robert. By February,

Graham and I were embroiled

in a full-on affair.

For the first time in years,

I felt loved.

But, to protect my kids, we never met

where a nosy neighbor or gossipy soccer mom might see us.

Our meetings were confined to his clinic

or clandestine rendezvous in hotel rooms.

I don't know how to explain it.

Robert always made me feel

like he could do... better.

And Graham makes me feel like I'm the best there is.

Okay.

What about the kids?

That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Part of me thinks the kids

would be better off with Robert not around so much.

Tyler's picking up some of his bad habits.

Okay, what does Graham have to say about that?

He says it's impossible

to have a healthy upbringing in an unhealthy environment.

It's better to have two parents

that are happy and apart than together and dysfunctional.

Mm-hmm... I am so horny.

I'll go shut the door. No, no, wait.

When I get back from the trade show,

I think we should schedule your gift to me.

I'm gonna be around a lot more,

I can take care of the kids while you recover.

And one of the guys from work

told me his wife had a great surgeon,

so he's gonna send me the doctor's info.

What?

I don't want breast implants.

I don't want to stay in this marriage.

I want a divorce.

You want a divorce from me? I've thought a lot about it.

So that's it?

No discussion? Nothing?

You don't want a boob job and you're leaving now?

Please. Keep your voice down.

This marriage hasn't worked for a long time, Robert.

What are you talking about?

We've been happier now than we have in years!

I'm not happy. Oh, right, okay.

So, what's it going to take to make Delaine happy?

I don't know if you can.

I don't know if you care to.

Do you have any idea

how selfish and ungrateful you are?

Hmm?

Do you know how many women would love to have what you have?

A husband who provides for his wife and kids

so she can just sit around the house all day?

I don't sit around the house all day, Robert.

Come on!

You have no idea how good you have it.

None.

I don't know what else to say.

I just want this to end.

No, you know what, actually, I don't think you do.

I think this is just some kind of ploy

so you can get more attention.

Poor Delaine, she's not fulfilled in her marriage, right?

You know what? I don't have time for this crap right now.

I worked today.

I busted my hump to provide for you and the kids.

So you know what?

If you think I'm that bad, just go sleep on the couch.

This is my bed. I bought it.

Go have your little pity party somewhere else.

Go.

I hadn't planned on telling Robert the way I did.

It just came out because I couldn't keep it inside any longer.

I felt such a mix of emotions.

Relief that the marriage was finally over.

Happiness that I could start over with Graham.

Fear of how vindictive Robert would be

during the divorce.

And guilt.

Incredible guilt that I was taking my children's family

away from them.

Did Robert move out yet?

He's going to this weekend. Did you tell him about Graham? No!

No, I'm afraid he'll hold it against me with the kids,

you know, "Your mother's leaving me for another guy."

Do they know you're separating yet?

Robert thinks I should be the one to tell them.

So he's getting his stuff out, the kids and I are gonna leave the house,

and then I will sit them down and explain it to them.

I'm dreading it.

There are a lot worse things than having divorced parents.

Not to a four-year-old.

Okay, so we're gonna have a really important talk.

You know how... well, me and Daddy haven't been...

very happy lately?

We've been sad.

Well, sometimes...

in order for mommies and daddies

to continue to be really good parents,

we have to do things

that don't make sense.

Are you getting a divorce??

Yes, sweetheart.

We are.

We decided

that Mom and Dad are gonna live in separate houses.

Why?

Because that way we can all be really happy.

It'll be like your friend Hannah. She lives

with her mom and her dad...

I know it seems like a really big change,

and it's hard to understand right now,

but it really is the best thing

for all of us, I promise you.

No! I don't want it!

I hate you! Tyler, please...

It's okay, Mommy. I'm not mad at you.

I just love you both so much.

The spring had brought with it a sense of revival for me.

Freedom.

And it came through Graham.

I was scared to be on my own, but somehow I knew

I just had to keep moving forward.

Even Tyler began to have moments where he would

smile and laugh.

I finally felt like my life was moving in the right direction.

Mom! Look! Hannah's here!

Oh! You can go say hi if you want, honey. Just hold on to your sister's hand. Sara!

Hey! Hi!

How are you?

It's nice to see you. I see you completely got suckered

into this place as well. Yeah, it's the only way

I can bribe Hannah to go to the dentist.

Oh... So, how are you?

I haven't had a chance to talk to you since Robert moved out.

That's right. I'm doing

really well, thank you.

Really? Yeah.

That look makes me think you've met someone.

I have.

He's wonderful.

What's he like?

He's... tall,

dark and handsome.

He's thin, super fit.

He's a big runner.

He's got these beautiful, light, caring eyes.

He's into spirituality and healing.

He's an acupuncturist.

I don't know how to explain it, he's just very centered.

Well, where's his practice?

It's over on South Main, on the west side.

He doesn't drive a gold SUV? Yeah, he does!

His name's not Graham, is it?

Yeah! Yeah, it is.

This is too funny! How do you know him?

Wow...

Sara?

Uh... I don't even know how to tell you this.

What a complete dick.

Tell me what?

You're starting to freak me out.

Graham...

is in a relationship with another woman too.

The woman he's with

is having a baby in three weeks.

No, that's not possible. My Graham is divorced,

he already has three kids. It's not the same.

Delaine, it's the same one.

The woman that's having his baby

is my friend. We used to go running with him every weekend.

I'm so sorry.

How could you do this to me?

After everything that I went through with Robert?

All the love and the trust that I showed you?

How long were you going to put my life on hold?

I don't know. Say something

besides 'I don't know'! Help me make some sense out of this!

I didn't tell you because I didn't have the balls to.

Is that what you wanna hear?

I don't know, I guess

I figured you'd find out eventually,

and you did.

That's what I'm gonna get?

After the crap about a spiritual connection and how I should be enough for someone?

Well, clearly I wasn't enough for you!

I wasn't lying when I said you're a beautiful person...

I left my husband for you, Graham!

That's not true. You left your husband because he didn't love and appreciate you.

Well, neither did you.

This was my punishment, I thought.

For having an affair while I was still married. For wanting more than I had.

My head was still so messed up from Robert, and at the time,

part of me still felt like I didn't deserve anything better.

I know better now,

but back then, I was still in the old habit of believing

everything was my fault.

You're getting divorced, Delaine.

You're not dead. She's right, you know.

After my divorce, I tried online dating

and I loved it.

It's like choosing men or women out of a catalog. Women?!

Yeah. It was something I always wanted to try. Good lord.

I don't know anything about this lesbian thing,

but I agree with the online dating.

It just sounds weird to you

because it wasn't invented

when you and Robert tied the knot.

Who's gonna want to date a 36-year-old with two small kids?

I think these could be cute.

Very cute. Put it on my list. Why would they care?

It's not like you're bringing your kids on the date!

Just drink, dance,

and have sloppy sex.

That's not the kind of date I want!

I want a relationship. A real one.

With a guy that's kind of like Graham,

just faithful.

Pretty sure I deserve that. You definitely do. First off,

there are lots of great guys out there who are not gonna be intimidated

by your entourage of little munchkins.

I just don't understand why you have to find Mr. Right.

Start with Mr. Tonight.

She doesn't want a one-night stand. She wants what's always been missing

from her life... a guy who will love and respect her.

That's never gonna happen sleeping with a guy three hours after meeting.

Okay, the 1950s called and they want their sexual politics back.

Old-fashioned or not, she's too good to be somebody's booty call.

You know, a guy that respects women, and I mean truly respects women,

is gonna get that we are in control of our own sexuality.

Where were these when I had my kid? There's no need to play this game of how many dates

to go on before you fall into bed, hoping he'll call the next day.

Sounds like you think I should sleep around. Delaine,

I'm just saying that if you wanna bunk up with this guy

on the first date, then do it.

If it's the tenth, it's the tenth. Or never.

But it should be when you want.

Not when you think it's been long enough to earn his respect.

So I picked a free site

and I created a profile.

I didn't put much stock in it. I just wanted to see how many of these guys

still found me appealing.

"You have 43 new responses"?!

This guy messaged you?

Yeah.

He's 23, fitness model slash entrepreneur.

Translation: No job, and he spends a lot of time at the gym.

He said he's attracted to older women.

Won't you feel like a cougar

if you go out with him though? Oh yes. Is that a bad thing?

Show me another one.

Okay, this guy is Cal.

He is 45, software developer,

divorced with twin boys.

He's not bad. Do you like him?

He's not as tall as Graham.

Don't compare these guys to Graham!

I think you should go out with him. Really?

Mm-hmm. What have you got to lose?

For the first time in 16 years,

I got ready for a date.

Oh my God, I forgot

how hard that is.

The mobile unit you are trying to reach is unavailable.

Leave a voice message at the tone.

Uh, hey Cal.

It's Delaine. I'm here at the bar

and I just wanted to let you know I'm wearing a blue shirt.

Just in case maybe you walked in

and didn't recognize me.

Okay, well, I'm looking forward to meeting you in person.

Bye.

You want me to open a tab? Yeah,

I'm sure we'll order food when he gets here. Thanks.

I'll bring the menu. Thanks.

So he stood you up. Aren't you glad

you found out he's a jerk now instead of later?

I didn't need this crap right now, not after what Graham did.

I know, honey.

Do you wanna come over?

I have vodka and really bad store-bought cookies.

No. Thanks, though. Are you sure?

We could go out. You could get sloppy drunk

and I'll be your designated driver. Woo-hoo.

No, I'm fine. I'll just go home and take a hot bath.

Okay. Call me tomorrow, okay?

Yes, ma'am. You get back to your downward dog.

Alright, love. G'night.

Good night.

And in a momentary lapse of reason,

I made the granddaddy of all mistakes.

Can you guess what I did?

Yeah. I went to Graham's house.

Graham?

Graham, please, open the door!

Graham, please, open the door!

I hate you.

Looking back, I can truly say

this was my low point.

Every woman

has moments of craziness, I suppose. Thank God

no one was home that night to witness mine.

I was logging on to the site

to write a scathing message to Mr. Software Developer

when I got my first email from... the Duke.

I was already over the whole concept

of meeting someone online,

but for some reason, I decided to open his message.

"I'm a dominant alpha male

"with two basic kinks.

"First, I'm very attracted to strong,

"confident, dominant women...

"and I like them to be sexually submissive to me.

"Second, I like helping to create monsters...

"powerful, demanding women who want to rule submissive

"or beta males for sport.

"So if you're a top-shelf alpha female not afraid of the work needed

"to be a woman like that, and looking for a mentor

"to support you in pursuing your alpha dreams, let me know.

If you're bi, that would be very nice."

Is this guy for real?

Oddly enough, I couldn't get the Duke and his words out of my head.

After picking up the kids from Robert's the next day, I went back

and reread his email a few more times.

He wanted to chat.

The area code matched his profile, which said he lived in Seattle.

That was a long way away, so even if he was some sort of freak,

it's not like he could come here and find me.

So I decided one phone call couldn't hurt.

Guys, if you wanna go to the pool, you better go get dressed right now.

Okay, Mom!

Hello. Hi.

Is this, um... Duke?

The duke. This must be delaine.

Yeah.

I take it you decided to call because you're interested

in what I said in my email.

Interested is a strong word.

Curious is more like it.

I don't know that much

about the whole...

dom-sub thing.

Well, what would you like to know? Oh...

I don't know. Um...

You don't wear a vinyl mask

when you have sex, do you?

No. You're confusing domination

with sadomasochism.

I'm not into whips and chains and ball gags.

I'm more into the mental side of domination.

Oh. That's good. I think.

There are physical elements like teasing

Or spanking at times.

But before we even went into the bedroom,

I might grab you by the hair,

look into your eyes and tell you

that you're going to do everything I wanted.

And you would.

Because you know I'm worthy.

Oh.

So this is more about men controlling women?

Not at all.

Being submissive to an alpha male

does not make you a weakling or a doormat.

Quite the opposite, actually.

Alpha females are capable,

Confident,

and strong-minded.

They want an alpha man

to take control and challenge them

Because they don't get to experience that type of pleasure

in a vanilla relationship.

I thought about what the Duke said.

Had I been in a vanilla relationship my entire life?

Was it time to try something new?

So this Duke guy, he's going to teach you

to be more assertive

by making you submissive?

Yes. How does that make sense?

Basically, by turning over control of my sexuality to him,

he's going to show me how to control it. How to be more empowered.

Not following.

Okay. It's sort of...

It's like this.

Women who are empowered

are in control of their sexuality as much as men are.

She chooses who she's gonna sleep with, she dictates how men are gonna treat her,

and she doesn't allow them to treat her like crap.

With you so far.

Well, I've never been that way.

I've allowed men to treat me like a doormat.

I've never been in control. They've always disrespected me.

But with the Duke,

it's different. It's my choice to engage in this with him.

I have to give consent to be submissive.

If I choose to submit, it's up to me.

And I can choose not to submit, that's up to me as well.

How do you know he's not just some creep who gets off

on telling women what to do? Because the stuff he's telling me to do

is not really for him.

It's more for me. Example?

He wants me to go out with a younger guy. How young

is this guy supposed to be?

I mean, like that gym rat you met online?

That's exactly who I was thinking of.

Payton. He's still messaging me.

And do what? I mean, do you date him? Do you sleep with him? What?

Yeah, all of it, I guess. He just wants me to take control.

How? I don't know,

Hali!

This is what the Duke is going to teach me!

Are you doing what I told you to do? Are you looking at yourself?

Yes. Yes, what?

Yes, sir.

Describe it to me.

Well, it's two pieces.

It's black and sheer

with white lace around the edges.

It has a garter, black.

And there's stockings.

I'm not ordering it out of a catalog, Delaine.

Describe it to me in a way that makes me want to tear it off you.

Now, delaine. I don't know what to say.

That is not an acceptable answer.

I don't want a sub that can't turn me on.

Come on, describe it.

Um...

Well...

the top...

the top is sexy.

It's black and sheer and you can almost see through it,

but not quite.

It's feminine...

and a little bit naughty.

Good. Good. What else?

The bottoms match.

They come up just far enough to hug my hips.

And the white lace caresses my thighs.

The garter has this...

black bow

on each side.

It holds up my stockings.

Those are soft

and sheer.

And they're tight against the curves of my legs.

That's very good, Delaine.

Now go to your bedroom window

and open the curtains.

And I'll know if you don't do it.

Good girl.

Now stand in front of the window and get undressed.

Do as I say.

Remove your top in front of the window.

I have neighbors. So?

So...

I don't want them to think that... that I'm...

what? Too lazy to close the blinds? No, slutty.

What does that mean to you? That word?

It means a woman who has sex

with pretty much anyone she wants.

And what's wrong with that?

Women aren't supposed to want multiple partners?

Society says women should be chaste and pure

to be worthy of love.

Women that love sex, that are in full control

of their sexuality are called sluts,

skanks, whores.

But I don't buy that,

and I'm not gonna let you buy into it either.

A woman's sexuality is her own

and there is no shame

in loving sex.

Now, I want you to say:

'Not all men are worthy of receiving me.

Those that are must prove it.'

Not all men are worthy of receiving me.

Those that are

must prove it.

Excellent.

Now do as you're told.

Stand in front of the window and get undressed.

AH!!!

It's probably Hali.

You think? Okay,

final word of caution, campers:

Watch out for... Bears.

I want you guys to be very, very good for Hali, okay?

You need to go to bed exactly when she says to. Promise? We will.

Okay. Mom? Yeah?

You're the coolest mom ever. Well, you're the coolest kids ever! Who loves you?

You. So much!!!

So much!!

Okay, good night. I'll see you in the morning.

Hi! Oh my God, this is perfect!

Have fun on your date. Thank you so much!

The bear! The bear!

The Duke decided I needed what he called

'Sexuality Boot Camp.'

If I wanted to find my alpha femaleness,

I needed to get out there and learn how to keep my men in line.

And what better guinea pig than Mr. Testosterone himself...

Payton.

Uh... Delaine?

So what's the oldest woman you've ever been with?

Actually, it was my last girlfriend.

We were together for about six months and she was 43.

So what makes us so special?

I don't know, a lot of things.

Like, uh...

you're not gonna call drunk, stranded at some bar, looking for a ride.

And, uh...

you don't try to play dumb to get attention.

Okay, at least most of you don't. How's the sex?

They enjoy it a lot more,

which makes it more enjoyable for the guy.

I find that older women tend to be

more in touch

with their bodies.

I don't disagree.

You just better not try to kiss me tonight without asking my permission.

I might have to slap you.

You can slap me all you want,

because I like when it gets a little rough.

You have no idea what rough is, little boy.

I had no clue what I even meant by that.

But apparently it did the trick.

The Duke wanted Payton to be my 'service male.'

A plaything I was to use for sex

and nothing else. But he was charming and funny.

I found I was enjoying myself

more than I anticipated. That is, until...

an unpleasant surprise walked in.

Delaine?

Robert.

What would the Duke say about this?

I'm guessing he'd tell me to swallow first... come on,

you know what I mean... and then just keep my mouth shut. I'm Robert. And you are?

Payton. Nice to meet you, man.

Yeah, you too, kiddo.

Can I help you with something?

We're just having dinner.

I'll call you later.

Apparently we have a lot to discuss.

So who was that guy? He's kind of a dick.

Just my husband.

Husband. I thought you were divorced.

Yeah, well, we're still ironing out the paperwork.

I don't want you parading your boy toys in front of my children.

Is that the example you want to set for them?

I'm not 'parading' anyone. Payton will never meet the kids.

What then? You're just sleeping with him?

I'm not gonna answer that, Robert.

So I leave and you turn into some sort of nasty slut?

No. And I left you.

And who I choose to sleep with has no bearing whatsoever

on my ability to be a good mother.

Don't think this won't come out in the custody hearing.

Do you want full custody of the kids?

Do you? Do you really want to spend all weekend

shuffling them between ballet lessons

and soccer games, cooking dinner for them every night, and getting up

an hour early every morning to make sure they're ready to go to school?

Look, I know you're upset with me, and I know you don't really want to see me happy

with someone else, but we have got to do what's best

for our kids.

I'm proud of you for asserting your dominant side.

None of it was good.

I felt like I was being a total bitch to Payton and...

once Robert came out, I was consumed with guilt.

I just figured he thought I should be home with the kids

instead of leaving them with a babysitter.

If you two were still together and you had to go

to some business dinner for Robert, you'd get a babysitter, wouldn't you?

Well, yes, of course.

But that's not the same.

You're not very good at feeling your power yet.

Being powerful and in control

does not make you a bitch.

And getting a babysitter so that you can go out on a date

and fulfill your sexual and emotional needs

Does not make you irresponsible.

I know, it's... stop whining.

Get down on your knees and bow your head.

Then beg for my forgiveness.

Okay...

Sir, will you please forgive me?

For what?

For what, Delaine?

For giving control of my emotions to Robert

when you are the only dom I have chosen to submit to.

Very good.

Now assure me that it won't happen again.

It won't happen again, sir.

Excellent. For your next task,

I want you to find a sex club and I want you to go to it.

See for yourself what it looks like

when women are comfortable with their power.

I'll expect a phone call when you get home.

Good night, Delaine.

Wait! Can I just ask you one question?

Yes.

What is your name?

Your real name.

Shane. Shane.

Shane, can I ask you one more thing? No.

I couldn't disobey Shane,

and I couldn't go to a sex club alone.

I invited Payton.

And for those of you who have never been to one, let me just say...

it's probably the craziest thing I've ever seen.

Is this your first time here? Yeah.

I'll show you around.

Our DJ plays all night...

Everything here is consensual, of course.

We have condoms free and available throughout the club.

And you can have sex anywhere you want to.

If you have any questions,

just ask me. Thank you.

♪ I was just a girl when you came into my world ♪

♪ But I feel more like a woman now ♪

♪ You've grown up too

♪ That's why I'm telling you

♪ When it comes to loving me Only you know how ♪

♪ Ooh baby I like it like that

♪ The world is where it's at Ooh baby I like it like that ♪

♪ You're turning me on and I can't hold back ♪

♪ I love the way you hold me I like the way you kiss ♪

♪ A girl like me can get into this ♪

♪ I love you in the morning... ♪

Although I'd been having more fun with Payton than I'd had in years,

I found that on most nights, my thoughts drifted

to someone else.

Shane.

Why can't I just see a picture?

Just one picture of your face?

Why do you need to see a picture of me?

To know if you're attracted?

You already are.

Maybe.

And I'm gonna have the sirloin, please. Medium.

Thanks.

What are you smiling about?

I got you a little something. Hmm!

Oh!

What's this for? You don't know?

Come on.

Really? No!

Today is the three-month anniversary of our very first date.

It's been three months?

Mm-hmm. Really?

Wow. Is that gift-worthy?

Doesn't matter. I think you've earned it.

Payton...

My goodness, these are gorgeous.

They remind me of you.

Dainty, beautiful,

yet strong enough to slice through glass.

Thank you. You're welcome.

So, you know what I was thinking? What?

We should all go up to the lake this weekend.

Oh, I can't.

I have the kids this weekend. Robert's out of town on business.

I know. When I said 'all', I meant the kids.

Oh. Um...

I thought you just meant your friends.

No, you know, I was thinking I would throw the Frisbee with Tyler,

and...

okay, I honestly have no idea

what I'd do with your youngest.

I'm sure I can think of something fun, right?

You don't want me to meet your kids, do you?

It has nothing to do with you.

Honestly, I think you would make an incredible role model and my kids would love you.

Is it Robert?

Because if he has any issues with me, I'm sure him and I could talk it out...

No, it's not that either.

I just don't know exactly

where this is going.

Yet.

Or at all.

I don't understand.

Look, I thought things were going well with us.

They are. So what's the problem?

Payton...

You're 24.

Yeah. I've been 24 since you met me.

Right, I know.

Can we just put this conversation on hold?

My divorce isn't even finalized until next week.

Yeah, sure.

What's the rush, right?

Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you.

I knew I'd hurt Payton.

He saw a future with me and I'd known from the start

that there wouldn't be one with him.

This was the first time it hit me that this newly empowered Delaine

also needed to take some responsibility.

When I got home, I logged on to see if there was an email

from the Duke. There was,

and it included something I wasn't expecting.

That's so cute.

So, has he run out of cigars yet? I think he's finally done.

Oh, thank God. I don't understand people celebrating the birth of a baby

by giving other people cancer. Oh, stop. Eric's a really good guy.

I know. I'm so lucky.

Yes, you really are.

So what's next? Are you going back on the dating site?

No. Hm-hm.

I think I might go to Seattle.

Seattle?

Why would you want to go to...?

Oh my God.

The Duke! Tell me that's not

why you're going. Why not? Because he's a dom!

It's not as creepy as you're making it sound.

Okay, then why?

Would you actually consider being in a long-distance relationship?

Maybe.

It's just... I got him in my head

and I can't get him out.

So I've gotta go figure this thing out

before I can move on with anybody else.

Listen to you! You've come a long way.

What does that mean?

A lot more decisive than the Delaine

who took her husband back after he cheated.

Yeah, well...

I let Robert get away with way too much.

You know, I wonder if I had stood up for myself more,

if he would've respected me...

our marriage could've ended up differently.

Yeah. You would've divorced him in the first year.

I don't know. Come on, D.

Robert didn't respect you

because Robert isn't a respectful person.

Even Eric said that when they first met.

That information would've been helpful years ago.

You wouldn't have listened.

So when are you going to Seattle?

Next month.

Robert's gonna take the kids to his parents' house for Thanksgiving.

I've got a little time.

I know.

The awakening of my sexual self

had stirred other things awake too.

I loved my children more than life itself,

and I loved being a mother, but it was beginning to feel

like it wasn't enough anymore.

I watched as women, single moms like me,

dropped their children off and then headed to their jobs as bankers,

doctors and CEOs.

Can I go play for a bit?

Just a second, honey, yeah.

Hello, Graham.

Hi. How are you?

I'm well. How are you?

Not so good, actually.

Yeah, I went from having a three-week wait list

to just a few appointments a day.

They opened this new,

state-of-the-art holistic health center a few blocks from the office, so...

that has a lot to do with it. Hmm.

How's your daughter? You had a baby girl, right?

Yeah, she's... Do you want to sit down?

No, no, it's okay.

She's... she's great.

She's getting bigger.

I see her about once a week.

It's a shame, you know, they grow up so fast.

You look really good.

Thanks.

Amanda, sweetheart, it's time to go!

Good girl.

Great seeing ya.

Was there satisfaction

in knowing that Graham's doing poorly?

You'd think so, but honestly,

No. Not after the initial shock of seeing him.

I think that's progress for you.

You still want me to come for Thanksgiving?

Of course. Why would I change my mind?

'Cause I was thinking, if I still come,

I could... ask some business advice.

Since you've bought and sold

and developed so many companies.

Are you buying a business, Delaine?

No, but I'm thinking of creating a company.

Online mostly.

What kind?

Before I quit work to have kids,

I was an interior decorator.

So I was thinking of creating a business

where rich people hire me to come into their home

and decorate for a holiday

Or a party or whatever, and then once the event's over,

I would go back in and take it all away.

Does it sound like a stupid idea?

No, not at all.

I think you can do anything you set your mind to.

There's a niche for that.

Because I think I'd be really good at it.

So do I.

Who do you know in Seattle? You don't have friends there. He's a new friend.

And the only reason I'm even telling you this is to let you know I'll be out of town

in case there's an emergency with the kids.

Fine. Do your thing. Whatever that is.

I will.

Ladies and gentlemen, we will be landing in Seattle shortly.

Thanks for flying with us and have a great day.

Shane had planned on picking me up from the airport himself,

but he ended up having to take a meeting.

He texted me about an hour before I got on the flight

and told me he'd send a car to pick me up and take me to his lake house.

He gave me the code to get in,

but no apology that he wasn't picking me up

in person.

Hello? Delaine. Did you make it in okay?

Yeah. I just got here.

This place is beautiful. Change of plans.

I was going to take you on a cruise tonight on my boat,

but my chef can't make it. We're going out

to dinner instead. I had my assistant buy you a dress

in case you didn't bring one.

Oh. Okay.

I'm on my way to my meeting now.

Help yourself to anything in the fridge and I'll see you in a couple hours.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm glad you're here.

Me too.

Come on. Follow me.

This is where you'll stay.

You may come up to the main house when I instruct you to do so.

Try this on.

Where are you going?

I thought you said you wanted me to try this on.

Try it on right here.

In front of me.

Don't look at yourself. Look at me.

It doesn't matter what you think you look like. It only matters what I think.

Now take off your panties.

You will not wear panties

in my presence.

You'll get these back when you leave.

Do you understand?

Yes, sir.

Shane didn't ask -or tell-me to do anything sexual at the restaurant.

It was a normal dinner, much like a first date.

We talked about a million different subjects,

including domination and submission.

So in a dom-sub relationship,

do people ever take turns? Like, one night they would be

the dominant figure, and the next night, they would be the sub?

Of course. A person that does that is called a 'switch.'

Do you ever do that? No.

I explained that in my profile. I'm always dominant,

and I like subs who are alpha females.

Some of mine were very successful and wealthy,

heads of major corporations, that type of thing.

Why would a woman like that ever want to be submissive?

Why does anyone want to be submissive?

Lots of reasons. Like what?

It makes them feel empowered

to trust another person to that degree.

For people in positions with an inordinate amount

of power and control, feeling quite helpless and at someone else's whim

can be a nice escape

from having to make all the decisions.

What about someone that's always...

dominant?

Does that mean that they're not in control in their regular lives?

Some might feel that way. You?

No.

So what is it that you get out of this?

Some of my reasons are selfish.

I like to know exactly when I'm gonna be having sex.

And the type of sex that I can expect,

since all of that is discussed

before she becomes my sub.

I got tired of having my hand slapped away by women

who were reluctant to try new things.

Okay.

But it's also something

that I can do for women, as a feminist.

How can you consider yourself a feminist

yet want women to be submissive to you?

Women have the choice to be whatever they want.

Unfortunately, our society judges submissive women.

They say 'Poor thing,

look at what our patriarchal society has done to her, '

or they get criticism from "feminists" who see them as impeding

on their fight for equality. They're both wrong.

A true feminist believes that a woman has a choice

to be whatever she wants without being judged.

It doesn't matter if she chooses to be a sub,

or a dom, or a switch,

or if she wants to be in a vanilla relationship her entire life. It's her choice.

For those who want a dom,

I offer that.

And I never judge them.

I'm better at that, you know.

You're getting better, yes.

What about Robert?

When Robert tried to make you feel guilty when you came out here,

did it work? How do you know he tried?

Making you feel guilty and have you second-guess your decisions

is one of the ways that a beta man controls a woman.

When you're confident in your own decisions, nothing he can say will make you feel guilty.

I didn't actually feel bad.

I'm not letting anyone control me anymore.

There's nothing wrong with being controlled

as long as it's consensual.

Robert controls you for his own benefit.

I control you because you like it.

What would you like me to do for you, sir?

I'd like you to go sit in that chair, be quiet,

and I will let you know when I want you.

Delaine.

Thank me for making you wait.

Thank you for making me wait, sir.

At first I was angry with the Duke for rebuffing me.

I felt sort of rejected.

But by the time an hour had passed,

I was so worked up, I could barely stand it.

I wanted him more

than I have ever wanted anyone before.

From this point forward, until you leave,

you will ask permission

for everything that you do.

Before you eat, before you sleep,

before you get dressed.

You are my sub,

and as such, you will only do what I allow you to do.

Do you understand?

Yes, sir.

To ask my permission, you will

bow your head

and say, "With the Duke's permission."

Any questions?

Yes.

What happens if I disobey you?

Then I will take you over my knee,

and spank you.

And then...

...with you

wearing this,

I will take

my disobedient pet for a walk

through the neighborhood so that everyone

can see that you...

were a bad sub.

Are you going to disobey me, Delaine?

No, sir.

Good.

You may ask for permission to go into the master bedroom.

With the Duke's permission,

may I go into the master bedroom, sir?

You may.

The entire trip wasn't just about sex.

Shane?

Do you have a turkey baster? Yes.

Where is it?

Probably in the bedroom.

Well, okay, a lot of it was.

Ugh...

But some of it was also just us talking about relationships

and life and my future.

You also need to file a Federal Tax ID number.

So how do I know if I should be

a sole proprietorship or an LLC?

Okay, so there are two important factors in making that decision: First,

how is the business taxed, and what is your level of personal liability.

But to be honest,

it was mostly about sex.

My long weekend with the Duke was, on the surface,

about sexual exploration.

But like the water, there was so much more underneath.

True submission

is a gift.

It can only happen when a person chooses to submit.

It's never about the dom taking control.

It's about the sub giving it.

Both parties must get something out of it.

For 37 years, I'd let other people,

especially men, control me

for their own benefit.

The Duke taught me how to change that. That's why I will always be grateful to him.

You ready?

How deep is it out there? About 40 feet.

So I was thinking,

when I get home, I'm ready for a relationship.

On my own.

Just the fact that you said that shows me

that there's no reason for us to continue to correspond.

You had the experience you needed.

That's all it was ever meant to be.

You've changed me.

I'm a different person than I was before we met.

I know.

We should get going.

You don't wanna miss your flight.

As I drove home from the airport,

I felt at peace for the first time in a long time.

More than anything, I was just looking forward to seeing my kids.

As December rolled around,

I managed to get my website up for my holiday decorating business.

To my surprise, I got several clients

in the first few weeks.

One stuck out in particular.

He was a widower in his late 60s.

He hadn't decorated for Christmas since his wife had passed five years earlier,

but since his grandchildren were coming, he wanted to make it festive for them.

The man told me he'd never taken much time

with his grandkids and he wanted to change that.

And so I decided to do something I never imagined I would do.

I called Robert.

Hello?

Hey, it's me.

The kids are gonna decorate the tree and...

I thought you might like to help.

It's not like I never thought about it.

I know there were times

that I didn't...

I didn't treat you the way that I should have.

I don't know what I really could have done differently.

Except for the affair, of course.

I guess I deserved that, right?

One good turn deserves another?

I don't think we knew how to deal with our issues.

We both made some really bad decisions.

Yeah.

I know that the thing with Natasha

really hurt you.

But I just...

I want you to know that when I said

it would never happen again, I meant it.

The night you called me and I came home...

...the whole drive home I couldn't stop thinking

about how much that must've hurt you.

It did.

By the time that I really started to try,

it was too late for you.

You didn't need the guy who wanted to make it up to you.

You needed the guy who never did it in the first place.

I do think our marriage stopped working way before Natasha and Graham, though.

I want you to be happy.

I know.

Thank you.

I'm trying.

Good.

How did things go with your parents?

Well, I'm still not that good with the kids yet.

My mother even noticed that.

Things'll be going great and...

then I'll say something that upsets one...

As I listened to Robert talk about how hard it was

to be a parent, I didn't feel sorry for him.

This was part of his journey to become a better father.

I'd inhibited his growth in the same way he had inhibited mine

in becoming a woman who could stand up for herself.

But I wanted to guide him.

Shane had been my guide.

He helped me reach a place where I could actually help Robert

become the man I always wanted him to be.

Not for me. But for the children.

It was the first time I felt happy being alone...

Ever. Maybe I wouldn't find someone.

Who knows? But that no longer seemed scary.

I knew I could be happy with or without a relationship.

I didn't need to be someone's wife or girlfriend.

I could just be...

Delaine.

And things got better.

Robert and I were able to put the past behind us

and become effective co-parents.

What's this? It's for you, Mom. From Dad.

Wow!

I helped picked it out.

It's for your new business.

It was my idea. No, it wasn't, Amanda! Yes, it was!

I can tell you both collaborated on this.

And it's wonderful. Are you my new

marketing executive? Yes. How about you, kiddo?

It was nice to feel supported in my business endeavor.

But surprisingly, I didn't need it.

I knew I could make it a success even with no support at all.

As my little business continued to pick up, I settled back

into my role as Delaine the mom. Between the two, I didn't have much time to date.

But I didn't feel like I was missing out either.

Let me give you a hand with that. Oh!

Thanks. Sure. How many do you need?

All of them. All of them?

What, one for every outfit?

No, it's my daughter's birthday.

I told her she could invite all the girls

from her class at school.

I don't know exactly what I was thinking.

It's that age-old question: Where are...

The keys. Where are the keys.

Right at the bottom. Always. I can never find my keys.

I would love to know how the party goes.

Oh, really? Hey, I'm invested now.

Without me, they'd just be a bunch

of sad, tiara-less princesses.

I'm Aiden, by the way.

Uh, my cell's on there. Delaine.

Hi, Delaine.

Thanks for your help.

And for being so... tall.

Sure. I guess I will

talk to you later.

♪ Let it go

♪ Don't hide away

♪ Follow the muse...

I invited Robert to bring his new girlfriend to Amanda's birthday party.

He'd asked my advice on how he could introduce them,

and I figured the party atmosphere would make everyone feel more at ease.

So, I don't know if you heard, but you have to have

one of these before you can pass the evil dragon.

Thank you.

You have to kiss it

or you're not a real princess.

Ha, ha, ha!

Speaking of evil dragons. My brother used to do

the same thing to me.

Can you believe how young they start flirting?

Look at you! There's my girl.

Mommy, I'm tired.

Oh, are you?

You ready to go with Daddy and Pam to Daddy's house?

Hey, did you have a good birthday?

That was the best birthday ever! It was?

Well, that makes Mommy happy!

Why don't you take Pam

and go find Tyler?

Thank you.

Thank you. It was nice to see you.

Nice to meet you.

We can take care of all this junk later.

Why don't you just take the kids and get going? Okay.

Thank you.

For making this easier for Pam. And for me.

Yeah, of course.

I knew in that moment,

I'd finally become the person I wanted to be.

I had taken control of my life in every aspect.

The truth is, I liked Pam

and I actually wanted Robert to be happy.

I was glad he found someone.

And I'm glad that he's with Pam instead of me.

Hey, Aiden. Hi.

Perfect timing. Everyone just left. So how did the party go?

Oh, it was absolutely perfect.

And did you have any princess gear left over?

No, I don't have any tiaras left.

It might seem like this is the end of my story, but it's not.

It's just the beginning.

♪ Follow the muse