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1
00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:45,472
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:46,979
Hey, hey
3
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:48,539
Let's sweat!
4
00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:52,018
Macho, macho man
Macho man
5
00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:53,119
Come on!
6
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,320
l've got to be
7
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:55,555
That's right!
Shake it, honey!
8
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:56,722
A macho man
9
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,958
Macho, macho man
10
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:01,327
Oh, yeah! Like a pony!
l'm a pony!
11
00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:02,628
l've got to be a macho
12
00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:05,932
Don't you feel like
a pony when you sweat?
13
00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:08,467
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
14
00:01:08,468 --> 00:01:10,269
Go! Do it!
15
00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:12,204
Come on! Here we go!
16
00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:15,733
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
One! Two!
This is my favorite exercise!
17
00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:18,110
Come on! Five!
18
00:01:18,111 --> 00:01:19,211
Whoa!
19
00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:20,313
Macho, macho man
20
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:22,581
Macho! Macho! Oh!
21
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:23,683
l've got to be
22
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:24,750
l'm a pony!
23
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:25,851
A macho man
24
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:28,821
(ELECTRONIC SNORTING)
Come on, let's go!
Do it! Come on!
25
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,389
l've got to be a macho
26
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:33,326
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
l'm vogueing!
You can vogue!
27
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:36,596
Can you feel it?
28
00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:38,631
l've got to be a macho man
29
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:39,656
Oh!
30
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,901
l'm going to have
an aneurysm.
31
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:42,892
Oh!
32
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:44,593
My calves are burning!
33
00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:53,779
This is our
science department.
34
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,476
The genetics wing.
35
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:58,948
l'll remind you we are
in the vanguard of research.
36
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:18,137
(CHUCKLES)
37
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,664
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
38
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:27,774
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
39
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:34,752
(TIRES SCREECHING)
40
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:43,321
Get Klump in here now!
41
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,264
BOY 1 : Professor Klump.
Good morning.
42
00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:47,333
GIRL 1 : Hey, Professor!
Good morning.
43
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,268
BOY 2: Morning.
Morning.
44
00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:51,270
Morning.
GIRL 2: Good morning,
Professor Klump.
45
00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:52,432
How are you?
46
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:02,411
Morning.
47
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:18,856
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
48
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,372
(BLOWER ENGINE STARTS)
49
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,454
(SCREAMING)
50
00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:46,186
Oh, my goodness.
51
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,304
Professor Klump. The cages.
What happened?
52
00:03:58,305 --> 00:04:00,339
That is most peculiar, Jason,
53
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,508
because l distinctly remember
locking up last night.
54
00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:03,809
l locked these cages,
55
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,145
picked up my portfolio
and turned around...
56
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:09,047
(STUDENTS GASPING
AND CHATTERING)
57
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:13,384
Oh.
58
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:16,755
l must've grazed the switch.
59
00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:18,157
Shelley's the only one
that didn't get out.
60
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:20,059
Good. l'll tend to Shelley.
61
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:22,495
You students take care
of this. Excuse me.
62
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:23,662
Hello, Shelley.
63
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:25,998
How are you today,
my little powder puff?
64
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,267
Yeah. Yeah.
65
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,136
(MURMURING BABY TALK)
66
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:31,370
Sir?
67
00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:33,272
You may want to look
at the latest test results.
68
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,140
l'm not sure
if l'm reading them correctly.
69
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:39,712
She's lost three ounces
since the last feed?
70
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,147
Must be some kind
of mistake.
71
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,376
(KEYBOARD KEYS CLICKING)
72
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:44,350
No, no, Jason.
73
00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:47,548
Her entire molecular structure
has been realigned.
74
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:51,056
We've done it.
This new formula's working.
75
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:53,549
lt's actually reconstructed
Shelley's DNA.
76
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:57,096
She lost 20%
of her body fat
in one feeding.
77
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,564
What if we upped
the dosage?
78
00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:01,834
No, one step at a time.
We don't want
to jeopardize Shelley.
79
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:03,335
We'll keep the feedings
as scheduled.
80
00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:04,370
Okay.
81
00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:06,533
Schedule. Excuse me.
l'm very late.
82
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,841
Students, we got
a lot of work to do
83
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,276
and don't have much time
to do it in.
84
00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:11,343
Trying to win a grant here.
85
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:14,613
So, as Arsenio used to say,
"Let's get busy!"
86
00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:15,781
(SWITCHES LEVER)
87
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:17,045
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
88
00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:22,121
(RUSTLING AND SQUEAKING)
89
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:30,086
(CLEARS THROAT AND GRUNTS)
90
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:33,995
(EXHALES SLOWLY)
91
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:36,695
Comfy?
92
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:38,498
Quite.
93
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:42,875
Anything l can get for you?
Juice? Coffee? Rack of lamb?
94
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,243
No, sir, l'm fine.
95
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:45,234
(SNIFFS)
96
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,345
(CLEARS THROAT)
97
00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:57,356
You did want to see me
about something,
didn't you, sir?
98
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,725
Well, Professor Klump,
99
00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:00,960
allow me
to answer that question
100
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,928
by posing another.
101
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,997
Why are you trying
to destroy my school?
102
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,265
Beg your pardon, sir?
103
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,901
Do you know who
Louise Vindovik is?
104
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,069
Oh, surely, sir.
105
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,136
She's a lovely woman
106
00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:12,438
who so generously
donates money
107
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:14,573
to help fund
our science department.
108
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:16,609
Close. Very close.
But wrong.
109
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,644
See, she was a lovely woman,
110
00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:21,313
and she used to fund
our science department.
111
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:22,581
That was before
she was hospitalized
112
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:23,782
for nearly swallowing
a gerbil.
113
00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:25,484
Not gerbil, sir. A hamster.
114
00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:26,719
Gerbils are more streamlined
115
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,487
and hamsters have
a tendency to be fluffier.
116
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:30,956
The male hamster's scrotum
has a tendency
117
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:32,791
to be
disproportionately...
118
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:34,158
Never mind.
119
00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:36,295
Those National Rifle people
are right.
120
00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:39,598
lf l had one now...bang.
121
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:41,734
Sir, l'd like to concentrate
on the positives.
122
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:45,004
What Miss Vindovik witnessed
was 5,000 healthy hamsters
123
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:47,439
bred from a genetically
deficient hereditary line.
124
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,170
lt's actually very exciting.
125
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,910
Do l look excited, Klump?
126
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,046
No, you don't look
excited at all.
127
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:56,615
But maybe you might
be holding it in,
your excitement,
128
00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:58,676
not wanting to express it.
129
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,617
Now listen to me carefully,
you fat tub of goo.
130
00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:07,459
For years you've
single-handedly alienated
131
00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:09,295
every wealthy donor we've had.
132
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:11,730
Air-conditioning schools
are outdrawing us!
133
00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:14,533
We've lost so much money,
red is our school color.
134
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:17,002
lnner-city schools have
better computers than we do.
135
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:19,233
Bosnia wants
to give us money!
136
00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:21,974
l'm going to set up a meeting
with Harlan Hartley...
137
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,242
Klump! Are you listening?
138
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,543
Yes, sir. Yes.
139
00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:27,346
Hartley is the last
rich alumnus we've got.
140
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:30,149
And he's a science fan.
141
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:34,320
And he's considering
donating a $10 million grant
to this school.
142
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:37,189
And l want that money, Klump.
143
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,191
Yourjob depends upon it.
144
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,592
l'll let you know
how to handle it,
145
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:42,328
since l'll be watching you.
Now go.
146
00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:44,430
But, sir, l don't know
if you should...
147
00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:46,432
See, right back there,
148
00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:48,924
just before you said
"But, sir" right there?
149
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,670
That was the end
of the meeting.
150
00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:53,839
Well, l guess l'll leave.
151
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:55,808
You have a pleasant day.
152
00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:19,365
Grace, the cream
has turned again.
153
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:21,397
(GASPS)
154
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:27,172
PROFESSOR:
Of all the equations
you'll learn
155
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,074
during the course
of your studies here,
156
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:33,012
this equation shall be,
l promise you,
157
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,546
the most helpful
158
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:36,081
throughout the course
of your studies,
159
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:40,019
because this equation
fundamentally breaks down
160
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,881
what DNA is composed of,
161
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,892
and what components of DNA...
162
00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:48,156
(GIGGLING CONTINUES)
163
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,130
(LOUDER LAUGHTER)
164
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,298
l seem to have messed myself.
165
00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:55,067
l haven't really
messed myself.
166
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,835
l mean,
l messed my shirt up.
167
00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:58,504
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
168
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:01,206
But make sure
you read chapter 4
169
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:02,875
in your textbooks
on genetics.
170
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,010
Gonna be a pop quiz
on Wednesday.
171
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:07,708
There's a pop quiz. Pop quiz.
172
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,711
WOMAN: Professor Klump?
173
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,261
(MUMBLING) Hello.
174
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,930
Oh. Hi. l'm sorry.
175
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,031
l didn't mean to interrupt.
176
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:01,633
l was looking
for Professor Klump.
177
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,330
(SPITTING)
178
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,105
l'm him. l'm he.
179
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,971
l'm Sherman Klump.
180
00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:10,109
(GUM BALLS SCATTERING)
181
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,677
Never mind.
l do that all the time.
182
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:14,513
Makes the...table look
more festive,
183
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:15,914
and the kids enjoy it.
184
00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:18,617
The yellow and green
and purple rolling around.
185
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,652
The table's more colorful
and...
186
00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:23,088
Would another time be better?
l could always...
187
00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:24,289
No, no, don't be ridiculous.
188
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:27,359
l'm between classes
and l got a minute to chat.
189
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,560
(GUM BALLS SCATTERING)
190
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:29,828
How can l help you?
191
00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:31,296
Hi. l'm Carla Purty.
192
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,364
Hello, Miss Purty.
193
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:33,966
l'm a grad student.
194
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:37,135
l'm teaching
my first chemistry class
across the hall.
195
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,604
Okay.
196
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:41,306
l just had to come over
and introduce myself.
197
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,308
l've followed your work
for many years,
198
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,810
and l'm a big fan.
199
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:47,312
Well, thank you very much.
l'm fatter...
200
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:50,516
Flattered that you've
been following my work
201
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:51,717
the way you have.
202
00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:53,318
A chemistry teacher.
203
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:56,551
Chemistry sure is important
to have...chemistry...
204
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,421
to have and use it.
205
00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:03,322
Chemically... Chemistry.
206
00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:04,863
Well...
207
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:07,633
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
lt's been a pleasure
meeting you.
208
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:10,364
Oh, the pleasure was all mine,
Miss Purty.
209
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,337
And hope to see you around.
210
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,273
Well, you can't miss me.
211
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,741
(CHUCKLES)
212
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:17,706
Have a good day.
213
00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:20,105
You do the same, Miss Purty.
214
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,517
Mmm-mmm.
215
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,685
(DOOR CLOSES)
216
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,121
Now, that's fine. She's fine.
217
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:32,020
(GUM BALLS SCATTERING)
218
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:33,926
(LAUGHING)
219
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:35,494
Oh, this is so fabulous.
220
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:38,063
Ain't nothing like
getting together with family
and having a good meal.
221
00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:41,200
Cletus, take this bowl.
lt's hot.
222
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,467
PAPA: God damn,
Sherman,
223
00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:44,236
it's almost like we don't
see your ass no more.
224
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:45,804
Good to see you, Son.
225
00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:47,573
You think you too good
226
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:49,908
to spend time
with your family
every now and then?
227
00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:51,209
l've been real busy,
Ernie.
228
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,444
l don't want no potatoes.
229
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:54,713
Mashed potatoes give me gas.
230
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,415
ln my day, Sherman,
231
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,517
people used to spend time
with they family
232
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,919
on Sundays
and special occasions.
233
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,121
Come around
and pay their respects.
234
00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:04,256
You mess around
235
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:05,591
and miss little Ernie's
golden years,
236
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,526
you're gonna be mad
at yourself.
237
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:08,551
(BELCHES)
238
00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:11,355
Baby's got a little gas.
239
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,158
(COUGHING)
240
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:16,602
Here she goes.
Y'all better cover
your plates.
241
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:18,870
Mama, have some water.
242
00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:20,439
(MUTTERING) Grandma,
you spit on me.
243
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,574
What you talking about,
covering your plates?
244
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,943
Not tonight, Cletus.
l'll kick your ass.
245
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:26,745
Sherman,
l cooked all this food.
246
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,547
ls that all you gonna eat?
247
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:30,449
You supposed to eat that,
not scalp it.
248
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,284
Daddy, all the calories
in the chicken
249
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,753
are found in the skin.
250
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,121
Where all the calories is?
251
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:39,157
You know where that come from?
Watching that damn TV.
252
00:12:39,158 --> 00:12:40,492
Every time you turn it on
253
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,728
somebody talking about
lose weight, get healthy.
254
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:44,329
Everybody looking
all anorexic,
255
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:45,597
talking about that's healthy.
256
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,865
l know what healthy is.
257
00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:49,768
And l don't know why everybody
trying to lose weight
258
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:50,869
in the first place!
259
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:52,404
Ain't everybody supposed
to be the same size.
260
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:53,705
We're all different.
261
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:56,875
Big, small, medium, midgets.
You supposed to have all that.
262
00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:58,710
Everybody wants to be
the same size,
263
00:12:58,711 --> 00:12:59,811
like that Oprah Winfrey.
264
00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:01,446
She gonna lose her weight.
265
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,249
Wasn't nothing wrong with her.
She was fine. Oprah was a fox!
266
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:07,119
She lose all that weight,
her head look all big.
267
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,286
And Luther Vandross.
268
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,188
Nigger used to be
the black Pavarotti.
269
00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:11,990
Lost all that weight,
looking all ashy.
270
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,825
Oprah and Luther need
to keep their ass one weight,
271
00:13:13,826 --> 00:13:15,027
'cause l'm confused.
272
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,862
Yes, l hope nothing's wrong
with Oprah.
273
00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:18,297
She doesn't look well.
274
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,631
There ain't nothing wrong
with Oprah.
275
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,767
l seen Oprah on Hard Copy
last week.
276
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:23,335
Was the picture of health.
277
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:27,005
Got her a tall, young, strong
gentleman named Steadman.
278
00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:28,140
So handsome.
279
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,207
(SINGING) Amazing grace
280
00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:30,509
She's my favorite
out of all of them.
281
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,844
Jenny Jones, Marilyn Kagan,
282
00:13:32,845 --> 00:13:34,646
(SINGING CONTINUES)
Maury Povich.
283
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,815
Letterman, Leno.
284
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,817
Montell, Ricki Lake...
285
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:39,951
l like Geraldo.
286
00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:42,087
Mike Douglas.
Oh, Mike Douglas.
287
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:44,723
You know, Mike Douglas
used to make me moist
288
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:45,791
when l'd watch his show.
289
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,192
l admit it.
290
00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:51,562
Only white man ever did that
to me was Mike Douglas.
291
00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:53,465
l would like to volunteer
292
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,200
to take this old bird
out of her misery.
293
00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:57,669
Cletus! Don't you dare
say that about Mama.
294
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:58,837
GRANDMA: No, no, hold it.
295
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:02,172
You ain't gotta protect me
from Cletus. Come on, Cletus.
296
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,042
Come on over here.
297
00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:07,946
lt ain't but a short walk.
Come on over.
298
00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:09,281
You gonna limp back.
299
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,883
You'll walk over,
but you're limping back.
300
00:14:11,884 --> 00:14:13,952
But don't let the gray hair
fool you.
301
00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:15,220
l ain't no easy win, nigger.
302
00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:18,623
Your problem is,
you don't work out.
303
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:20,258
Look. That's all muscle.
304
00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:22,194
Oh.
ERNIE: You fat. l'm muscle.
305
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:25,063
Oh, look at my little b...
He's a little Hercules.
306
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:26,331
Show me your muscles again.
307
00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:29,468
Oh, Hercules, Hercules,
Hercules, Hercules!
308
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:30,602
Once you work out,
309
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,104
your metabolism starts
to speed up,
310
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,706
you can eat
anything you want.
311
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,074
He's so strong.
312
00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:37,976
Recent studies have shown
that certain people
313
00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:40,145
are genetically predisposed
to gaining weight.
314
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:42,447
Someday we might even
find a cure.
315
00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:44,783
Only thing you need to study
is your ass.
316
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:47,119
l got a big ass.
Your mama got a big ass.
317
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,820
Cletus!
You do have a big ass.
318
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:51,490
Asses is big in our family.
319
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:52,824
You need to get used
to that.
320
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:55,093
l don't care
what diet you go on.
321
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:57,095
You can sew up your stomach
and your asshole,
322
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:58,530
you gonna always be fat.
323
00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:00,932
All l'm trying to say is
scientific breakthroughs
324
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,834
are occurring
all the time...
325
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,403
The only thing
about to break through
326
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,339
is your ass through the seat
of your pants.
327
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,908
Sherman,
l think l do remember
328
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,177
hearing something on TV
about colon cleansing.
329
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:14,045
They say everyone
should have one.
330
00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:15,480
l'm thinking about
getting me an appointment
331
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:17,249
and getting my colon
cleansed thoroughly.
332
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,651
You want your colon cleansed?
l'm gonna clean mine.
333
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:20,719
(LOUD FART)
334
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,522
There. Now my colon is clean.
Squeaky clean.
335
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:25,991
Every time we have a meal,
you break gas.
336
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:27,926
Don't break gas
and destroy our meal.
337
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,961
You the one that brought up
colon cleansing!
338
00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:32,597
l did not say anything
about breaking gas!
339
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,499
You can talk about putting
a tube in somebody's ass,
340
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:35,700
but l can't break wind.
341
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:37,936
l didn't say nothing
about putting a hose
up nobody's ass...
342
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,404
What you think a colonic is?
343
00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:41,373
You think you run your asshole
by the car wash?
344
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,941
You're choking the baby.
345
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,677
As long as l pay the bills,
l do what l want
at this table.
346
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:46,745
Case in point:
347
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:47,946
(LOUD FART)
348
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,147
Who that called my name?
349
00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:50,882
Yeah, l called you
if your name is...
350
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:51,873
(LOUD FART)
351
00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:55,520
Keep insulting me.
352
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:58,223
l'll toss this between
the crack of your ass.
353
00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:00,258
l can go all night.
354
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:01,326
(LOUD FART)
355
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:03,361
l hope you fart
till your asshole falls out.
356
00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:04,496
(CONTINUES FARTING)
357
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:05,964
(LAUGHING WILDLY)
358
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,165
(LOUD FART)
359
00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:08,600
Oh, my baby too!
360
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:09,901
(LOUD FART)
361
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:11,469
Now see what you made me do?
362
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,538
God damn it,
l messed up my pants.
363
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,540
Damn, Daddy.
You got to clean
them yourself!
364
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:16,741
You rotten.
365
00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:18,472
(ERNIE JR. CONTINUES LAUGHING)
366
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:22,747
Oh, Lord,
this has been a fabulous,
wonderful, fabulous evening.
367
00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:25,150
Look. Them dogs done
tore up my garbage.
368
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:27,118
Cletus, the dog's ripped open
the garbage again!
369
00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:29,688
PAPA: Shoot the damn dog!
l'm not shooting no dog!
370
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,122
l'm trying to watch
Roseanne!
371
00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:32,824
Thanks for dinner, Mama.
372
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,794
Sherman, what's wrong
with you?
373
00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:36,962
Baby, you still worried
374
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:38,964
about what your father said
in there?
375
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:41,333
Oh, Son, listen to me.
376
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,501
You are special.
377
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,103
When the good Lord made you,
378
00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:48,874
he made you beautiful
inside and out.
379
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:50,809
You can do anything, Sherman.
380
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,811
All you got to do is
believe in yourself
381
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,279
and you can do anything.
382
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:55,270
(CHUCKLING)
383
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,578
You're so handsome.
384
00:16:58,150 --> 00:16:59,914
Give me some sugar.
385
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,422
Love you, Mama.
Love you too, baby.
386
00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:07,225
Nighty-night. Oh, my baby.
387
00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:09,728
Sherman, Sherman, Sherman.
388
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:10,719
Fabulous.
389
00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:12,831
Cletus, come clean
this garbage up!
390
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:13,932
l'm watching TV!
391
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:15,300
GRANDMA:
Get your lazy ass up.
392
00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:16,701
Mind your own
damn business!
393
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:17,829
GRANDMA:
You lazy mother...
394
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:44,021
(DOORBELL RINGS)
395
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:53,303
Professor?
396
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:57,435
Oh. Hi, Miss Purty...
397
00:17:57,843 --> 00:18:02,514
You caught me in the middle
of a little step aerobics
l was doing out here.
398
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:05,484
Ninety-eight, ninety-nine,
one hundred.
399
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:09,988
l looked your address up
in the faculty directory.
l hope you don't mind.
400
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,356
No, not at all.
401
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:12,824
What can l do for you?
402
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:14,559
Oh, well, l was...
403
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:15,550
(SIGHS)
404
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:18,125
l was,
405
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:22,298
l was wondering
if one night if,
406
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:25,136
when you weren't busy.
407
00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:28,006
You get a little hungry,
you might want to,
you know...
408
00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:30,642
lf you planned on going out
to get something anyway,
409
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:34,980
on an occasion like that,
you don't wanna
do that alone, so...
410
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:38,212
Professor, are you
asking me out on a date?
411
00:18:41,587 --> 00:18:43,612
Yes. Yes, l am.
412
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:46,291
l'd love to.
413
00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:48,660
Really?
414
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:49,958
Yes.
415
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:51,930
That's fantastic!
416
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:55,166
We can go any place
you wanna go. Just name it.
We'll go there.
417
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:58,136
There's a place
my students go to
called The Scream?
418
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,971
The Scream?
l mean, if that's too...
419
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,440
Oh, no, no, no.
l love to scream.
420
00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:03,675
(YELLING)
421
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:04,776
(DOG HOWLING)
422
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,678
Screaming's good for you.
Cleans the epiglottis.
423
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:10,048
Get all the phlegm
and mucus down.
That's disgusting.
424
00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:11,616
Just tell me what night.
425
00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:12,917
How's Friday?
426
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:15,086
Friday night's perfect.
The best night of the week.
427
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,354
Friday night at 8:00.
428
00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:17,555
Friday night at 8:00.
429
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:20,091
l'll see you Friday night.
We'll go to The Scream.
430
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:22,861
lt'll be a scream
at The Scream.
431
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,596
All right, Professor,
l'll see you then.
432
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:27,198
Good night, Miss Purty.
433
00:19:27,199 --> 00:19:28,496
Good night.
434
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:31,261
Yes!
435
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:35,573
(MUTTERING) Yeah,
Friday night at The Scream.
436
00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:37,442
(CONTINUES MUTTERING)
Gonna scream.
437
00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:40,645
Friday night. Friday, Friday,
Friday, Friday night.
438
00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:42,580
Friday, Friday, Friday.
439
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,340
(WHISTLING)
440
00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:48,486
(SINGING) l got myself a date
441
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,688
Friday night at 8:··
442
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:53,058
And l will not be late
443
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:55,427
She might be my mate
444
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:57,629
That would be so great
445
00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:59,798
Great, great, great
Great, great, great
446
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:02,333
And l can hardly wait
447
00:20:02,334 --> 00:20:06,171
Lilo, Peabo, Lou Rawls,
Teddy Pendergrass. Teddy P.
448
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:07,572
Number six! Yeah!
449
00:20:07,573 --> 00:20:10,338
(MID-TEMPO BALLAD PLAYING)
450
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,978
(SINGING ALONG)
Close the door
451
00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:18,440
Let me give you
what you been waiting for
452
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:22,153
Baby, l got
so much love to give
453
00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:24,089
Don't hurt them, Teddy P!
454
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:27,787
And l wanna give it all to you
455
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,927
l waited all day long
456
00:20:35,434 --> 00:20:40,270
Just to hold you in my arms
457
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:45,410
And it's exactly like
l thought it would be
458
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:50,582
Me loving you
and you loving me
459
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,485
Oh, you know you gotta, gotta,
gotta close the door...
460
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,854
(BANGING)
MAN: Shut the hell up
up there, God damn it!
461
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:57,889
Sorry about that down there,
Mr. Wilson!
462
00:20:57,890 --> 00:21:00,024
Teddy P turned up
a little loud.
463
00:21:00,025 --> 00:21:01,559
Quiet down up there!
464
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:06,264
There is a thin person
inside each and every one
of us!
465
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:11,736
So give yourselves a big hug
and say, "Yes, l can!
Do that for me..."
466
00:21:11,737 --> 00:21:15,640
Thighmaster Plus
is designed to give you
better results quicker.
467
00:21:15,641 --> 00:21:18,872
l lost ten pounds
in two weeks.
Thanks, Megashake.
468
00:21:19,645 --> 00:21:22,342
(LUSH ORCHESTRAL MUSIC
PLAYING ON TV)
469
00:21:38,564 --> 00:21:41,499
(PANTING)
470
00:21:53,445 --> 00:21:57,382
(BOTH MOANING)
471
00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:01,477
(CARLA SCREAMING)
472
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:07,725
LANCE: (ON TV)
You're not pathetic!
473
00:22:07,726 --> 00:22:11,062
People, pounds do not
lose themselves!
474
00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:15,466
You have to work, work, work!
Everybody, up! Come on! Up!
475
00:22:15,467 --> 00:22:17,902
You too at home!
Everybody up and say,
476
00:22:17,903 --> 00:22:20,371
LANCE AND AUDIENCE:
"Yes, l can!"
477
00:22:20,372 --> 00:22:22,340
LANCE: Say it again.
478
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:26,444
(STOMPING)
PROFESSOR AND AUDIENCE:
Yes, l can! Yes, l can! Yes...
479
00:22:26,445 --> 00:22:28,680
MR. WILSON: Quiet down,
God damn it!
Sorry!
480
00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:30,315
Klump, shut up!
l can!
481
00:22:30,316 --> 00:22:35,379
l'm so excited
and l just can't hide it
482
00:22:36,555 --> 00:22:39,786
l'm about to lose control
and l think l like it
483
00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:42,994
l'm so excited
484
00:22:42,995 --> 00:22:46,764
And l just can't hide it
485
00:22:46,765 --> 00:22:49,000
And l know, l know
l know, l know
486
00:22:49,001 --> 00:22:50,662
l know l want you
487
00:22:51,971 --> 00:22:55,573
We shouldn't even think
about tomorrow
488
00:22:55,574 --> 00:22:57,242
Still hungry?
489
00:22:57,243 --> 00:23:01,543
Sweet memories will last
a long, long time
490
00:23:02,448 --> 00:23:06,384
We'll have a good time,
baby, don't you worry
491
00:23:07,019 --> 00:23:08,086
(BREATHING SHARPLY)
492
00:23:08,087 --> 00:23:09,787
And if we're still
playing around
493
00:23:09,788 --> 00:23:11,389
Boy, that's just fine
494
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:12,490
(STRANGULATED) Help.
495
00:23:12,491 --> 00:23:14,893
Let's get excited
496
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:15,960
We just can't hide it
497
00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:17,328
Still hungry?
498
00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:18,696
Oh, no
499
00:23:18,697 --> 00:23:20,632
I know, I know, I know, I know
500
00:23:20,633 --> 00:23:22,267
I know I want you
501
00:23:22,268 --> 00:23:23,599
I want you
502
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,511
Maybe you should try
Jenny Craig.
503
00:23:33,512 --> 00:23:36,748
Oh, I want to love you,
feel you
504
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:38,983
Wrap myself around you
505
00:23:38,984 --> 00:23:41,052
l want to squeeze you,
tease you
506
00:23:41,053 --> 00:23:42,587
One hand on you!
507
00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:44,389
l just can't get enough
508
00:23:44,390 --> 00:23:47,492
And if you move real slow
l'll let it go
509
00:23:47,493 --> 00:23:49,227
GROUP: Whoo!
510
00:23:49,228 --> 00:23:51,162
l'm so excited
511
00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:53,431
Ooh-wee
And l just can't hide it
512
00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:54,532
No, no, no, no, no
513
00:23:54,533 --> 00:23:55,633
(GRUNTS) Yeah! Yeah!
514
00:23:55,634 --> 00:23:57,468
l know, l know, l know,
l know, l know l want you
515
00:23:57,469 --> 00:23:59,070
Yeah!
516
00:23:59,071 --> 00:24:01,039
l want you
517
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,374
Look what you do to me
518
00:24:03,375 --> 00:24:04,575
Yeah!
519
00:24:04,576 --> 00:24:05,877
You got me burning up
520
00:24:05,878 --> 00:24:08,246
Oh-oh-oh-oh now
521
00:24:08,247 --> 00:24:09,414
(CONTINUES GRUNTING)
522
00:24:09,415 --> 00:24:11,916
Baby, l'm so excited
523
00:24:11,917 --> 00:24:14,750
MONTELL JORDAN: (SINGING)
This is how we do it
524
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,790
Come on, come on,
come on. Right there.
525
00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:20,858
This is how we do it
526
00:24:20,859 --> 00:24:25,196
lt's Friday night,
and l feel all right
527
00:24:25,197 --> 00:24:27,865
The party's here
on the west side
528
00:24:27,866 --> 00:24:30,902
So l reached for my 40
and l turned it up...
529
00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:32,737
Oh, excuse me. Hey!
530
00:24:32,738 --> 00:24:34,772
Professor K,
how's it going?
l'm good, David.
531
00:24:34,773 --> 00:24:36,841
What are you
doing here?
532
00:24:36,842 --> 00:24:38,367
Got a date.
533
00:24:39,011 --> 00:24:41,346
You have a date?
Good luck, Professor.
534
00:24:41,347 --> 00:24:42,981
Yeah, see you next week now.
535
00:24:42,982 --> 00:24:45,216
The guys and l
All the gang-bangers
536
00:24:45,217 --> 00:24:47,518
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Sorry about that.
537
00:24:47,519 --> 00:24:50,722
Oh. Oh. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
538
00:24:50,723 --> 00:24:52,857
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
539
00:24:52,858 --> 00:24:54,158
(GASPING)
540
00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:55,993
Sorry about that.
Excuse me.
541
00:24:55,994 --> 00:25:00,431
Sorry about that. Excuse me.
Excuse me!
542
00:25:00,432 --> 00:25:02,166
Thank you.
543
00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:04,435
Wow, these are
great seats, Professor.
544
00:25:04,436 --> 00:25:07,772
Oh, yeah. Listen,
don't call me Professor.
545
00:25:07,773 --> 00:25:11,542
Call me Sherman, all right?
Sherman.
546
00:25:11,543 --> 00:25:14,172
Well, l'm glad
we did this, Sherman.
547
00:25:14,580 --> 00:25:17,515
JORDAN: (SINGING)
With a different type
of swing, you know
548
00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:19,650
Something for the honeys
549
00:25:19,651 --> 00:25:21,176
So am l.
550
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:23,021
So am l!
551
00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:25,289
Something for the honeys
552
00:25:25,290 --> 00:25:26,924
Here's the menu.
553
00:25:26,925 --> 00:25:29,460
Ooh, summertime
554
00:25:29,461 --> 00:25:32,730
No funner time
for me to kick it with you
555
00:25:32,731 --> 00:25:34,866
To find something someone...
556
00:25:34,867 --> 00:25:36,567
CARLA: So you altered
her genes?
557
00:25:36,568 --> 00:25:37,869
Yes, yes.
558
00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:41,639
And if l hadn't done it,
Shelley would be
in hamster heaven right now.
559
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,242
Sherman,
you are absolutely amazing.
560
00:25:44,243 --> 00:25:46,577
We do what we can,
you know?
561
00:25:46,578 --> 00:25:50,581
Got to keep on trying.
Got to keep on pushing.
562
00:25:50,582 --> 00:25:53,780
Something for you and you
563
00:25:54,653 --> 00:25:58,089
And for you and for you.
564
00:25:58,090 --> 00:26:00,252
Let's go. Let's go.
565
00:26:01,326 --> 00:26:03,694
MAN: Montell Jordan!
566
00:26:03,695 --> 00:26:05,163
They were wonderful.
567
00:26:05,164 --> 00:26:08,466
All right, all right.
Let's keep this show rolling.
568
00:26:08,467 --> 00:26:09,801
Ladies and gentlemen...
He was good.
569
00:26:09,802 --> 00:26:12,837
...you've seen him
on Def Comedy Jam many times.
570
00:26:12,838 --> 00:26:15,773
Y'all give it up for my man,
Reggie Warrington!
571
00:26:15,774 --> 00:26:17,008
Give it up!
572
00:26:17,009 --> 00:26:18,841
(CROWD APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING)
573
00:26:22,915 --> 00:26:24,849
JAMES BROWN:
(SINGING ON STEREO) Watch me
574
00:26:24,850 --> 00:26:29,387
Watch me. l got it, watch me
575
00:26:29,388 --> 00:26:31,522
He sure is animated.
576
00:26:31,523 --> 00:26:33,321
Yeah!
577
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:35,793
What's up?
578
00:26:35,794 --> 00:26:37,195
(CROWD CHATTERING)
579
00:26:37,196 --> 00:26:38,930
l said, "What's up"?
580
00:26:38,931 --> 00:26:40,398
Hey!
581
00:26:40,399 --> 00:26:42,366
Women be shopping, baby.
582
00:26:42,367 --> 00:26:43,701
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
583
00:26:43,702 --> 00:26:46,070
Women be shopping!
584
00:26:46,071 --> 00:26:48,563
You can't stop a woman
from shopping, baby!
585
00:26:49,274 --> 00:26:51,142
That's true. Women do shop.
586
00:26:51,143 --> 00:26:52,610
lt is true.
587
00:26:52,611 --> 00:26:54,612
See what we got in here
tonight. Oh, my God!
588
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,013
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
589
00:26:56,014 --> 00:26:58,916
She's unbe-weave-able.
Look at this.
590
00:26:58,917 --> 00:27:01,652
Look like a hair full
of curly fries.
591
00:27:01,653 --> 00:27:03,588
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
592
00:27:04,256 --> 00:27:05,655
(LAUGHING)
593
00:27:09,428 --> 00:27:11,762
Hey, look at this white dude
right here.
594
00:27:11,763 --> 00:27:15,666
What is a weave exactly?
Huh?
595
00:27:17,769 --> 00:27:18,759
(LAUGHING)
596
00:27:19,571 --> 00:27:23,274
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
597
00:27:23,275 --> 00:27:28,045
Baby, no! She got more
extensions than AT·T.
598
00:27:28,046 --> 00:27:30,481
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND LAUGHING)
599
00:27:32,584 --> 00:27:34,152
Excuse me. l'm gonna go
to the rest room.
600
00:27:34,153 --> 00:27:35,620
Oh, boy, l'm hot!
601
00:27:35,621 --> 00:27:37,955
Sorry about that, ma'am.
Let me pick that up for you.
602
00:27:37,956 --> 00:27:39,156
(WHOOPS)
603
00:27:39,157 --> 00:27:41,492
lt's a full moon tonight!
604
00:27:41,493 --> 00:27:43,359
(HOWLING)
605
00:27:43,529 --> 00:27:46,430
l think l found
where they hid Jimmy Hoffa!
606
00:27:47,799 --> 00:27:49,165
(LAUGHING) Excuse me.
607
00:27:50,435 --> 00:27:52,199
(CHUCKLING)
608
00:27:52,437 --> 00:27:55,239
Yeah,
that's a good one there.
609
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,342
You got more crack
than Harlem. Look at that!
610
00:27:58,343 --> 00:27:59,606
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
611
00:28:02,114 --> 00:28:06,278
Boy's so fat,
every time he turns around,
it's his birthday!
612
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,121
Got to put his belt on
with a boomerang.
613
00:28:10,122 --> 00:28:11,255
(lMITATING BOOMERANG)
614
00:28:11,256 --> 00:28:12,246
Bang!
615
00:28:15,460 --> 00:28:20,197
Yeah. Okay, all right, now.
That's it. You got me.
616
00:28:20,198 --> 00:28:23,734
No, l ain't got you, yet.
Should l get him?
617
00:28:23,735 --> 00:28:25,336
AUDIENCE: Yeah!
618
00:28:25,337 --> 00:28:26,671
Should l get him?
619
00:28:26,672 --> 00:28:28,172
AUDIENCE: Yeah!
620
00:28:28,173 --> 00:28:30,541
Oh, look at this.
He's with a woman, too.
621
00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:32,877
AUDIENCE: Aw!
Oh, no!
622
00:28:32,878 --> 00:28:35,711
Who is sucking whose titties
over here?
623
00:28:35,847 --> 00:28:38,043
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING
UPROARIOUSLY)
624
00:28:45,123 --> 00:28:49,760
Last time this brother
felt a breast,
it was in a bucket of KFC.
625
00:28:49,761 --> 00:28:52,530
Extra crispy!
626
00:28:52,531 --> 00:28:55,523
Every time he goes
to Sea World, they pay him!
627
00:28:57,803 --> 00:29:01,432
He must be on that new diet,
Slim Slow.
628
00:29:02,674 --> 00:29:04,041
He go outside
with a red shirt on,
629
00:29:04,042 --> 00:29:05,576
and all the kids
in the neighborhood say,
630
00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:08,112
"Hey! Kool-Aid!"
631
00:29:08,113 --> 00:29:12,277
Yeah, man, l bet
l cut his fat ass open,
it'd bleed chocolate milk.
632
00:29:13,485 --> 00:29:16,147
What would you do
for a Klondike bar?
633
00:29:18,924 --> 00:29:23,122
Now we know what's eating
Gilbert Grape, don't we?
634
00:29:29,301 --> 00:29:32,430
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
635
00:29:37,175 --> 00:29:40,144
Thank you for dinner
tonight, Sherman.
That was very sweet.
636
00:29:40,145 --> 00:29:41,704
You're welcome.
637
00:29:47,719 --> 00:29:50,211
Look, that comic tonight,
he was...
638
00:29:52,758 --> 00:29:55,158
Sherman, you are
a brilliant man.
639
00:30:03,235 --> 00:30:05,397
You have a pleasant evening.
640
00:30:07,306 --> 00:30:08,671
Good night.
641
00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:14,942
(KEYS JINGLING)
642
00:30:25,357 --> 00:30:26,517
(DOOR CLOSES)
643
00:30:39,905 --> 00:30:44,075
His fraternity
was having this thing
called Pig Day.
644
00:30:44,076 --> 00:30:46,210
That's the only reason
he asked me out.
645
00:30:46,211 --> 00:30:50,348
To make fun of you?
Why do we do this
to ourselves?
646
00:30:50,349 --> 00:30:53,417
Every time we get depressed,
we eat and eat and eat.
647
00:30:53,418 --> 00:30:55,920
You go to the store
and buy those little
candy bars in the bag,
648
00:30:55,921 --> 00:30:58,422
and before you know it,
the whole bag is empty.
649
00:30:58,423 --> 00:31:02,760
Then at the end, you feel
just like that bag.
Empty inside.
650
00:31:02,761 --> 00:31:05,062
(SOBBING)
Don't you?
651
00:31:05,063 --> 00:31:09,033
(WOMAN SOBBING)
lt's okay. lt's all right.
Just get it all out.
652
00:31:09,034 --> 00:31:10,334
(SOBBING CONTINUES)
653
00:31:10,335 --> 00:31:13,070
Say, "Yes, l can."
Say that.
654
00:31:13,071 --> 00:31:14,605
Yes, l can.
655
00:31:14,606 --> 00:31:15,835
(SOBBING CONTINUES)
656
00:31:16,675 --> 00:31:18,575
(SOBBING) Yes, we can.
657
00:31:19,678 --> 00:31:21,312
(SOBBING)
658
00:31:21,313 --> 00:31:22,610
Can we go to commercial?
659
00:31:23,381 --> 00:31:26,383
l want him prepped
and ready immediately.
Yes, Doctor.
660
00:31:26,384 --> 00:31:29,920
Call Dr. Matthews.
l'm going to need
a lot of help on this one.
661
00:31:29,921 --> 00:31:32,389
Let's move it.
You know the routine.
662
00:31:32,390 --> 00:31:34,692
Get that crash cart here
stat!
663
00:31:34,693 --> 00:31:36,727
Blood pressure,
14· over 9· and rising.
664
00:31:36,728 --> 00:31:38,028
MAN: We need
that lV rig in now!
665
00:31:38,029 --> 00:31:39,363
IV rig coming in.
666
00:31:39,364 --> 00:31:42,600
Give me four cc's of Ambethol.
l don't know how much more
he can take.
667
00:31:42,601 --> 00:31:44,602
We need the EKG cart
in here now.
668
00:31:44,603 --> 00:31:48,139
Blood pressure, 1·0 over 1 10
and still climbing.
669
00:31:48,140 --> 00:31:49,607
What's the status?
670
00:31:49,608 --> 00:31:51,175
He's getting fatter.
We can't stop it.
671
00:31:51,176 --> 00:31:52,476
Damn!
672
00:31:52,477 --> 00:31:53,978
Blood pressure,
200 over 140!
673
00:31:53,979 --> 00:31:56,247
(ALARM BEEPING)
Oh, my God!
674
00:31:56,248 --> 00:31:57,615
He's gonna explode!
675
00:31:57,616 --> 00:31:58,883
l'm getting out of here!
676
00:31:58,884 --> 00:32:01,419
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
Nurse!
677
00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:03,547
Wait! Wait!
678
00:32:04,055 --> 00:32:05,856
(RUMBLING)
679
00:32:05,857 --> 00:32:08,258
(THUNDERCLAP)
680
00:32:14,566 --> 00:32:16,534
(CROWD SCREAMING)
681
00:32:17,369 --> 00:32:19,098
What's going on?
682
00:32:19,471 --> 00:32:21,633
(CROWD SCREAMING)
683
00:32:23,575 --> 00:32:26,510
Oh, my God! Get out of here!
Get out of here!
684
00:32:26,511 --> 00:32:31,348
Hey, everyone,
run for the hills!
lt's Fat-zilla!
685
00:32:31,349 --> 00:32:33,317
He look like King Kong
with titties.
686
00:32:33,318 --> 00:32:37,254
Sherman! l brought you some
nice fried chicken, Sherman.
687
00:32:37,255 --> 00:32:39,290
Oh, you look fabulous!
688
00:32:39,291 --> 00:32:41,282
(LAUGHING)
689
00:32:42,894 --> 00:32:43,918
(GASPS)
690
00:32:44,963 --> 00:32:45,987
(GLASS BREAKING)
691
00:32:47,265 --> 00:32:48,665
(SCREAMS)
692
00:32:57,609 --> 00:32:59,976
(PROFESSOR BURPING)
693
00:33:02,113 --> 00:33:04,082
(BURPING CONTINUES)
694
00:33:06,518 --> 00:33:08,077
(MOANING)
695
00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:10,187
MAN: Oh, my God!
696
00:33:10,188 --> 00:33:12,157
He's gonna blow!
697
00:33:13,458 --> 00:33:15,051
(FARTING)
698
00:33:18,463 --> 00:33:19,828
(SCREAMING)
699
00:33:20,599 --> 00:33:23,796
Way to go, Son!
That's my boy!
700
00:33:25,804 --> 00:33:27,499
No!
701
00:33:31,776 --> 00:33:33,711
(GASPING AND PANTING)
702
00:33:34,246 --> 00:33:35,679
Huh?
703
00:33:56,968 --> 00:33:59,733
(BEEPING)
704
00:34:01,039 --> 00:34:03,337
(KEYBOARD KEYS CLICKING)
705
00:34:12,817 --> 00:34:14,945
(BEEPING)
706
00:34:15,854 --> 00:34:17,981
(BEEPING QUICKENS)
707
00:34:23,395 --> 00:34:26,530
Shelley, you've been
the guinea pig long enough.
708
00:34:26,531 --> 00:34:29,467
lt's time to see
if this stuff really works.
709
00:34:49,321 --> 00:34:51,016
(THUNDERCLAP)
710
00:34:52,791 --> 00:34:54,349
(BEEPING)
711
00:34:55,894 --> 00:34:58,090
(BEEPING CONTINUES)
712
00:35:00,131 --> 00:35:01,656
(GROANS)
713
00:35:04,135 --> 00:35:05,569
(GROANING)
714
00:35:05,804 --> 00:35:07,101
(BEEPING CONTINUES)
715
00:35:11,109 --> 00:35:12,838
(BEEPING CONTINUES)
716
00:35:24,689 --> 00:35:25,816
(BEEPING)
717
00:35:27,492 --> 00:35:28,926
(BEEPING CONTINUES)
718
00:35:29,427 --> 00:35:31,487
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
719
00:36:11,069 --> 00:36:15,739
Oh! Oh! l'm thin! l'm thin!
Look at my cheekbones!
720
00:36:15,740 --> 00:36:18,609
l have cheekbones!
Yes! Look at my chest.
721
00:36:18,610 --> 00:36:21,011
Look at my breasts.
l don't have breasts.
722
00:36:21,012 --> 00:36:23,313
l'm an A cup.
l don't need a bra anymore.
723
00:36:23,314 --> 00:36:26,116
Oh, God, l'm thin! l'm thin!
724
00:36:26,117 --> 00:36:28,218
l'm thin! l'm thin, l'm thin.
725
00:36:28,219 --> 00:36:31,055
(SINGING)
Nothing but air there
Nothing but air there
726
00:36:31,056 --> 00:36:34,958
My ass is gone
Now l'm slim, slim, slim
727
00:36:34,959 --> 00:36:38,327
Well, l'll be damned!
l can see my dick!
728
00:36:38,763 --> 00:36:41,698
My dick!
My dick, my dick, my dick!
729
00:36:41,699 --> 00:36:44,034
JAMES BROWN: (SINGING)
Whoa, l feel good
730
00:36:44,035 --> 00:36:45,903
l can do stairs.
l can do stairs.
731
00:36:45,904 --> 00:36:47,237
l knew that l would now
732
00:36:47,238 --> 00:36:48,939
l am the stair master!
733
00:36:48,940 --> 00:36:52,142
l feel good
734
00:36:52,143 --> 00:36:53,477
l knew that l would now
735
00:36:53,478 --> 00:36:55,312
You looking for any kind
of clothes in particular?
736
00:36:55,313 --> 00:36:59,443
Spandex! All Spandex!
Where's the Spandex section?
737
00:37:00,018 --> 00:37:02,553
Oh! Spandex! Like this!
738
00:37:02,554 --> 00:37:05,289
l feel nice
739
00:37:05,290 --> 00:37:06,623
Like sugar and spice
740
00:37:06,624 --> 00:37:09,026
No titties. No titties.
741
00:37:09,027 --> 00:37:10,194
l feel nice
742
00:37:10,195 --> 00:37:11,729
No titties.
743
00:37:11,730 --> 00:37:14,098
Not you, me.
l'm talking about me.
My titties are gone.
744
00:37:14,099 --> 00:37:17,601
Your titties are lovely.
What's your name?
745
00:37:17,602 --> 00:37:20,804
l can't believe l'm so thin.
l am thin. You ever feel thin?
746
00:37:20,805 --> 00:37:24,799
l am thin! l am thin.
Hey, man,
where's the apple pie?
747
00:37:28,713 --> 00:37:32,716
When l hold you in my arms
748
00:37:32,717 --> 00:37:36,086
l know that l can do no wrong
749
00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:39,123
And when l hold you in my arms
750
00:37:39,124 --> 00:37:41,458
My love won't do you no harm
751
00:37:41,459 --> 00:37:43,393
Tootsie Roll!
Get your tootsie!
752
00:37:43,394 --> 00:37:44,828
And l feel nice
753
00:37:44,829 --> 00:37:46,096
(GRUNTING)
754
00:37:46,097 --> 00:37:48,966
Like sugar and spice
755
00:37:48,967 --> 00:37:50,567
So nice, so nice
756
00:37:50,568 --> 00:37:51,902
(GRUNTING CONTINUES)
757
00:37:51,903 --> 00:37:53,371
l got you
758
00:37:57,342 --> 00:38:00,505
(SHOUTING) l'm thin! l'm thin!
759
00:38:05,316 --> 00:38:06,511
Excuse me.
760
00:38:07,152 --> 00:38:08,346
Hey!
761
00:38:08,753 --> 00:38:10,521
ls Professor Klump here?
762
00:38:10,522 --> 00:38:12,022
Professor Klump?
763
00:38:12,023 --> 00:38:13,924
Sherman, Sherman Klump.
764
00:38:13,925 --> 00:38:16,160
No, he had to take care
of some things, Miss Purty.
765
00:38:16,161 --> 00:38:18,529
So l'm running
this thing here.
766
00:38:18,530 --> 00:38:19,554
Do l know you?
767
00:38:20,365 --> 00:38:21,899
Do you know me?
768
00:38:21,900 --> 00:38:23,163
(LAUGHS)
769
00:38:24,102 --> 00:38:25,636
Sherman didn't tell you
about me?
770
00:38:25,637 --> 00:38:26,737
No.
771
00:38:26,738 --> 00:38:27,905
Oh, man!
772
00:38:27,906 --> 00:38:30,507
lsn't that like Sherman
to hog all the credit?
773
00:38:30,508 --> 00:38:32,576
l'm Sherman's confidante.
774
00:38:32,577 --> 00:38:34,144
Have you seen him today?
775
00:38:34,145 --> 00:38:35,846
l was wondering if he was
all right after everything
776
00:38:35,847 --> 00:38:37,975
that happened at the club
the other night.
777
00:38:38,249 --> 00:38:41,885
Oh, Miss Purty,
it tore his chunky ass up.
778
00:38:41,886 --> 00:38:45,889
lt's strange that a man
as intelligent as Sherman
has no confidence whatsoever.
779
00:38:45,890 --> 00:38:47,257
Makes me sick
sometimes to think...
780
00:38:47,258 --> 00:38:48,625
l'm always telling the man,
781
00:38:48,626 --> 00:38:52,029
"Sherman, no matter what,
you've got to strut.
782
00:38:52,030 --> 00:38:54,264
"You got to suck in your gut
and strut."
783
00:38:54,265 --> 00:38:55,866
Me, personally,
l don't have that problem.
784
00:38:55,867 --> 00:38:57,868
Doesn't seem like you do.
785
00:38:57,869 --> 00:39:01,338
You're just too feisty
and too fine. Me and you
need to hook up.
786
00:39:01,339 --> 00:39:04,141
We need to go
to The Scream tonight,
have a couple of drinks
787
00:39:04,142 --> 00:39:06,977
and strut
our respective stuff together.
788
00:39:06,978 --> 00:39:08,712
l don't even know your name.
789
00:39:08,713 --> 00:39:11,114
Hey, buddy,
what the hell happened here?
790
00:39:12,350 --> 00:39:15,185
See?
Everybody knows Buddy.
791
00:39:15,186 --> 00:39:17,754
The professor must have
got a little carried away
last night.
792
00:39:17,755 --> 00:39:19,656
Oh, Officer Dagg,
l'm glad you came up.
793
00:39:19,657 --> 00:39:22,759
He told me to tell you
personally, please thank
your wife Claire
794
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:26,526
for bringing that
upside-down cake for him.
He ate every crumb of it.
795
00:39:26,831 --> 00:39:29,766
And can you have someone
from janitorial clean up
this mess, please?
796
00:39:29,767 --> 00:39:31,895
Thank you, Officer Dagg.
Thank you.
797
00:39:33,171 --> 00:39:35,005
(DOOR OPENS)
Buddy.
798
00:39:35,006 --> 00:39:37,703
Buddy? ls that it,
or do you have a last name?
799
00:39:38,443 --> 00:39:39,637
(DOOR CLOSES)
800
00:39:41,579 --> 00:39:42,671
Love.
801
00:39:44,249 --> 00:39:46,183
Love?
802
00:39:47,218 --> 00:39:48,318
You see, Miss Purty,
803
00:39:48,319 --> 00:39:50,354
(lN PROFESSOR'S VOICE)
there comes a time
in a man's life
804
00:39:50,355 --> 00:39:51,583
when he has to...
805
00:39:52,457 --> 00:39:54,584
(CLEARS THROAT AND COUGHS)
806
00:39:54,926 --> 00:39:56,793
Miss Purty, people have
a tendency in life
807
00:39:56,794 --> 00:39:59,662
(lN PROFESSOR'S VOICE)
to always want to rush
into things.
808
00:40:00,798 --> 00:40:02,599
(lN REGULAR VOICE)
What l'm trying to say
809
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:05,968
is there's a right time
and place for everything.
810
00:40:07,071 --> 00:40:09,206
Like l said,
there's a right time
and place for everything.
811
00:40:09,207 --> 00:40:11,341
(lN PROFESSOR'S VOICE)
Tonight would be
a good time.
812
00:40:11,342 --> 00:40:13,143
At The Scream would be perfect
to discuss it.
813
00:40:13,144 --> 00:40:15,977
l'll see you tonight.
Don't be late! Excuse me!
814
00:40:25,623 --> 00:40:27,648
Uh-oh.
815
00:40:28,126 --> 00:40:30,458
(CHATTERING)
816
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:44,875
Good morning.
Good morning, class.
817
00:40:44,876 --> 00:40:46,977
Morning, students.
Good morning!
818
00:40:46,978 --> 00:40:48,969
Morning. Good morning.
819
00:40:51,849 --> 00:40:54,651
You students just review
what we went over yesterday.
820
00:40:54,652 --> 00:40:57,220
Professor, we weren't
here yesterday.
821
00:40:57,221 --> 00:41:02,626
Well, then,
review the day before,
and tomorrow we'll do today.
822
00:41:04,095 --> 00:41:05,358
That's it.
823
00:41:05,863 --> 00:41:07,229
(CLASS LAUGHING)
824
00:41:08,366 --> 00:41:11,700
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
825
00:41:17,175 --> 00:41:18,542
Sherman!
826
00:41:18,543 --> 00:41:20,143
Oh, Carla. How are you?
827
00:41:20,144 --> 00:41:22,946
l've been looking for you
all morning. Are you okay?
828
00:41:22,947 --> 00:41:25,082
l'm fine.
Why you looking for me?
829
00:41:25,083 --> 00:41:27,617
l feel bad what happened
at the club the other night.
830
00:41:27,618 --> 00:41:29,353
lt was my idea
to go to The Scream.
831
00:41:29,354 --> 00:41:31,722
l've forgotten about that.
You forget, too.
832
00:41:31,723 --> 00:41:33,623
That's over.
Go have a nice day.
833
00:41:33,624 --> 00:41:36,760
There's something else.
l met a friend of yours
in your lab.
834
00:41:36,761 --> 00:41:37,995
Buddy Love.
835
00:41:37,996 --> 00:41:39,596
Buddy Love.
836
00:41:39,597 --> 00:41:42,099
He's quite a character,
huh?
837
00:41:42,100 --> 00:41:45,168
He asked me out,
and he said it was your idea.
838
00:41:45,169 --> 00:41:48,372
Oh, did he?
Well, l know you're new
in town.
839
00:41:48,373 --> 00:41:49,673
l thought
it would be nice
840
00:41:49,674 --> 00:41:51,608
for a new girl to get out,
meet some people.
841
00:41:51,609 --> 00:41:52,976
Did you find him
attractive?
842
00:41:52,977 --> 00:41:54,411
Honestly, yes.
843
00:41:54,412 --> 00:41:56,146
He's very handsome
and athletic.
844
00:41:56,147 --> 00:41:58,682
But l don't feel comfortable
talking to you about that.
845
00:41:58,683 --> 00:42:02,552
You can talk to me
about anything.
l want you to.
846
00:42:02,553 --> 00:42:05,288
And l think you should
definitely go out
with Buddy Love.
847
00:42:05,289 --> 00:42:06,690
You do?
Absolutely.
848
00:42:06,691 --> 00:42:08,825
l don't think
there's anything wrong
with two young people
849
00:42:08,826 --> 00:42:10,894
getting together
and having a good time.
850
00:42:10,895 --> 00:42:13,096
So by all means,
do just that.
851
00:42:13,097 --> 00:42:14,731
You sure
you're all right with that?
852
00:42:14,732 --> 00:42:17,234
Don't worry about me.
l'm just fine.
853
00:42:17,235 --> 00:42:20,500
ln fact,
l'll put in a good word
with you for Buddy.
854
00:42:20,772 --> 00:42:24,367
Oh, my goodness. l'm so late.
Excuse me. l'll talk to Buddy.
855
00:42:25,276 --> 00:42:29,413
You make it hard, long
soft, short
856
00:42:29,414 --> 00:42:32,281
And be strokin'
857
00:42:33,251 --> 00:42:35,185
l be strokin'
858
00:42:37,789 --> 00:42:41,658
l stroke it to the east
and l stroke it to...
859
00:42:41,659 --> 00:42:43,855
(MUSIC CONTINUES
lNDISTINCTLY)
860
00:42:45,797 --> 00:42:48,789
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
861
00:42:55,339 --> 00:42:57,607
Now you be careful.
lf there's a scratch
in the car,
862
00:42:57,608 --> 00:42:59,276
there's a scratch
in your ass.
863
00:42:59,277 --> 00:43:03,079
You are too fine
to be giving me
curbside service.
864
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:04,848
l'm not. l'm leaving.
865
00:43:04,849 --> 00:43:06,016
We just got here.
866
00:43:06,017 --> 00:43:09,019
No, you just got here.
l've been waiting for you
for almost an hour.
867
00:43:09,020 --> 00:43:12,856
They say anticipation
helps make the appetite
grow stronger.
868
00:43:12,857 --> 00:43:14,658
Anticipate a night alone.
869
00:43:14,659 --> 00:43:16,460
Hey, hey. Let's just have
a meal together.
870
00:43:16,461 --> 00:43:17,994
Why you leaving?
You want me to beg?
871
00:43:17,995 --> 00:43:19,162
l'll get down on my knees.
872
00:43:19,163 --> 00:43:20,530
l'll beg you
in front of all these people.
873
00:43:20,531 --> 00:43:21,932
Think l care
if these people are watching?
874
00:43:21,933 --> 00:43:26,570
l'm sorry! l'm sorry!
l want the world to know
that l was late!
875
00:43:26,571 --> 00:43:29,739
And l'm sorry!
My car ran out of gas.
876
00:43:29,740 --> 00:43:33,944
l needed fresh drawers.
My mother's sick.
The car broke down.
877
00:43:33,945 --> 00:43:35,412
Buddy, get up.
878
00:43:35,413 --> 00:43:36,813
Hear me out. l am sorry!
879
00:43:36,814 --> 00:43:38,448
l don't know why
this is happening tonight.
880
00:43:38,449 --> 00:43:41,715
Of all nights
this has got to happen
to me tonight.
881
00:43:42,153 --> 00:43:45,288
Okay.
Why? Why?
882
00:43:45,289 --> 00:43:49,192
Okay!
Why?
883
00:43:51,362 --> 00:43:52,529
Okay, okay, okay.
884
00:43:52,530 --> 00:43:53,630
Okay. Good. Let's eat.
885
00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:55,565
l am so hungry.
Hey, don't let the tears
fool you.
886
00:43:55,566 --> 00:43:56,556
l'm a tooth chipper.
887
00:43:59,437 --> 00:44:03,340
Six T-bones, five baked
potatoes and two servings
of creamed spinach.
888
00:44:03,341 --> 00:44:05,709
l have never seen anyone
eat so much.
889
00:44:05,710 --> 00:44:07,644
You are so lucky
to stay so thin.
890
00:44:07,645 --> 00:44:09,246
Luck has nothing
to do with it.
891
00:44:09,247 --> 00:44:11,581
lt's a matter of recombinant
ribonucleic acids
892
00:44:11,582 --> 00:44:14,317
unzipped by a radioactive
guanine peptide.
893
00:44:14,318 --> 00:44:16,052
What does that mean?
894
00:44:16,053 --> 00:44:18,021
l don't know. l'm trying
to sound extra intelligent.
895
00:44:18,022 --> 00:44:19,856
Got you!
You gonna eat that?
896
00:44:19,857 --> 00:44:22,125
Guess who's back
in the house.
897
00:44:22,126 --> 00:44:26,463
From Def Comedy Jam,
my man, Reggie Warrington.
898
00:44:26,464 --> 00:44:27,931
Give it up!
899
00:44:27,932 --> 00:44:29,457
(CHEERING)
900
00:44:31,469 --> 00:44:34,170
l hate this guy.
l hate this guy.
He is so obnoxious.
901
00:44:34,171 --> 00:44:35,472
Give the nigger
a chance.
902
00:44:35,473 --> 00:44:37,498
JAMES BROWN: (SINGING)
Watch me
903
00:44:39,477 --> 00:44:43,346
lt's your world, dog!
l'm just a squirrel
trying to get a nut.
904
00:44:43,347 --> 00:44:46,583
l've got something
that makes me wanna shout
905
00:44:46,584 --> 00:44:47,884
What's up?
906
00:44:47,885 --> 00:44:49,486
What's up, nigger?
907
00:44:49,487 --> 00:44:51,454
l said, "What's up"?
908
00:44:51,455 --> 00:44:53,890
Didn't you hear me
when l say, "Hey"?
909
00:44:54,959 --> 00:44:59,396
Boy, women be shopping.
Women be shopping.
910
00:44:59,397 --> 00:45:01,695
You cannot stop a woman
from shopping.
911
00:45:02,300 --> 00:45:03,767
(LAUGHING)
912
00:45:04,168 --> 00:45:05,936
Let's see what l got
in the house tonight.
913
00:45:05,937 --> 00:45:09,395
Oh, now, look at this
white guy right here.
914
00:45:09,607 --> 00:45:12,941
You cannot tell me
he ain't got a small jimmie.
915
00:45:13,911 --> 00:45:16,646
Man, it's so small
he needs tweezers
to take a piss.
916
00:45:16,647 --> 00:45:19,048
He needs tweezers
to take a piss!
917
00:45:20,518 --> 00:45:22,315
Tweezers on his dick!
918
00:45:24,622 --> 00:45:26,556
Reggie's hot tonight.
919
00:45:26,557 --> 00:45:29,424
Look at this. Look at this.
920
00:45:30,761 --> 00:45:33,597
Oh! Oh! Oh!
l can't breathe!
921
00:45:33,598 --> 00:45:34,965
Excuse me, brother.
922
00:45:34,966 --> 00:45:36,666
(GASPING)
l can't breathe!
923
00:45:36,667 --> 00:45:38,134
Okay.
924
00:45:38,135 --> 00:45:39,103
Brother, man!
925
00:45:39,670 --> 00:45:40,967
(WHEEZING)
926
00:45:42,673 --> 00:45:45,074
You almost killed me,
man!
927
00:45:46,110 --> 00:45:48,678
l had to give myself
the Heimlich.
928
00:45:48,679 --> 00:45:51,114
You mind waiting
for the punch line first,
brother?
929
00:45:51,115 --> 00:45:53,316
l'm sorry.
You're so funny.
930
00:45:53,317 --> 00:45:55,919
You're so funny
the way you take a person's
personal defects
931
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:57,020
and flip it around.
932
00:45:57,021 --> 00:45:59,522
Like you pick somebody
in the room and say,
"Look at your foot,"
933
00:45:59,523 --> 00:46:01,091
and everybody look at it
and start laughing.
934
00:46:01,092 --> 00:46:03,560
That's funny shit.
You're on your way!
935
00:46:03,561 --> 00:46:07,793
You going to the top!
You're the next Lenny Bruce!
936
00:46:08,265 --> 00:46:09,833
Why, thank you.
Thank you very much.
937
00:46:09,834 --> 00:46:11,101
That's genius.
938
00:46:11,102 --> 00:46:12,936
That'd even work with me
doing it to you.
939
00:46:12,937 --> 00:46:15,472
lf l say, look at Reggie's
gums and teeth.
940
00:46:15,473 --> 00:46:17,498
His mother had an affair
with Mister Ed.
941
00:46:19,877 --> 00:46:21,745
See?
Everybody's laughing.
942
00:46:21,746 --> 00:46:24,781
They can visualize
your mother in a barn
with Mister Ed.
943
00:46:24,782 --> 00:46:26,147
(NEIGHING LUSTILY)
944
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:32,455
Look what l'm doing, Wilbur.
Look at me!
945
00:46:32,456 --> 00:46:34,924
You snapping on me?
946
00:46:34,925 --> 00:46:37,594
Are you snapping on Reggie?
947
00:46:37,595 --> 00:46:38,928
lt's your teeth, Reggie.
948
00:46:38,929 --> 00:46:42,593
l don't know
whether to smile at you
or kick a field goal.
949
00:46:43,734 --> 00:46:46,536
Hey, Reggie! lt's good!
950
00:46:46,537 --> 00:46:48,371
lt's all good!
951
00:46:48,372 --> 00:46:51,274
And, man, what's wrong
with that breath?
l can smell it over here.
952
00:46:51,275 --> 00:46:52,776
Reggie, your breath
is so stink,
953
00:46:52,777 --> 00:46:55,211
people look forward
to your farts.
954
00:46:56,180 --> 00:46:59,382
Breath smell like shit.
Do you smell shit?
955
00:46:59,383 --> 00:47:00,874
l smell shit.
956
00:47:02,987 --> 00:47:06,423
Oh! Oh!
You done did it now, boy.
957
00:47:06,590 --> 00:47:09,959
l wasn't gonna say nothing
'cause l like black people.
958
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:12,062
But it's time to attack black.
959
00:47:12,063 --> 00:47:15,198
That's right.
The glove's coming off.
960
00:47:15,199 --> 00:47:16,466
Don't hurt me now!
961
00:47:16,467 --> 00:47:18,768
Maybe it's time for Reggie
to lay into your mama.
962
00:47:18,769 --> 00:47:20,169
(CROWD CHEERS)
963
00:47:20,304 --> 00:47:22,405
Oh! Oh, yeah!
964
00:47:22,406 --> 00:47:26,443
Maybe it's time for Reggie
to talk about your mama
a little bit.
965
00:47:26,444 --> 00:47:27,811
You're the man, Reggie!
966
00:47:27,812 --> 00:47:30,406
Your mother's so fat,
967
00:47:32,450 --> 00:47:35,681
she went to Sizzler's,
and the bitch got
a group discount.
968
00:47:35,853 --> 00:47:37,620
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
969
00:47:37,621 --> 00:47:40,614
(HYSTERICAL LAUGHING)
970
00:47:46,430 --> 00:47:48,364
(SCREAMING)
971
00:47:49,867 --> 00:47:52,029
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
972
00:47:53,838 --> 00:47:56,906
(SCREAMING AND GASPING)
Okay, fat jokes!
973
00:47:56,907 --> 00:47:59,476
You want to do fat jokes?
All right.
974
00:47:59,477 --> 00:48:01,478
Your mother's so fat,
975
00:48:01,479 --> 00:48:04,814
the bitch need a Thomas Guide
to find her asshole!
976
00:48:04,815 --> 00:48:06,442
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
977
00:48:06,817 --> 00:48:09,819
All right! Wait, wait, wait.
Your mother's so fat,
978
00:48:09,820 --> 00:48:14,023
after sex l rolled over twice,
and l'm still on the bitch!
979
00:48:14,024 --> 00:48:15,392
(LAUGHING CONTINUES)
980
00:48:15,393 --> 00:48:18,728
Your mother is so fat,
she fell in the Grand Canyon
and got stuck!
981
00:48:18,729 --> 00:48:20,764
Reggie's mama's so fat,
982
00:48:20,765 --> 00:48:24,067
that the bitch gets
her toenails painted
at Earl Scheib!
983
00:48:24,068 --> 00:48:25,802
Earl Scheib!
984
00:48:25,803 --> 00:48:27,771
Earl Scheib!
985
00:48:28,939 --> 00:48:31,541
Hey, hey,
get off the stage, man.
You ain't in show business.
986
00:48:31,542 --> 00:48:36,343
Reggie's mama is so fat,
her blood type is Rocky Road!
987
00:48:37,047 --> 00:48:38,815
lsn't that something?
988
00:48:38,816 --> 00:48:42,952
Reggie's mother is so fat,
her belt size is equator!
989
00:48:42,953 --> 00:48:44,546
(HOOTING AND CHEERING)
990
00:48:45,222 --> 00:48:46,656
Get it? Equator?
991
00:48:46,657 --> 00:48:49,319
(BUDDY LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
992
00:48:51,662 --> 00:48:53,863
Let's get a big
round of applause
for Reggie's mama's ass
993
00:48:53,864 --> 00:48:55,965
that brought us
so much joy tonight.
994
00:48:55,966 --> 00:48:58,635
Yeah! That's a big ass.
995
00:48:58,636 --> 00:49:01,504
Enough! Silence!
996
00:49:01,505 --> 00:49:04,073
l can't take this shit
no more.
997
00:49:04,074 --> 00:49:06,342
Now, you done talked
about me enough, boy!
998
00:49:06,343 --> 00:49:09,846
l tried to be peaceful,
but now it's time for Reggie
999
00:49:09,847 --> 00:49:11,548
to karatasize your ass!
1000
00:49:11,549 --> 00:49:12,782
(WHOOPS)
1001
00:49:12,783 --> 00:49:14,317
Oh, yeah.
1002
00:49:14,318 --> 00:49:16,047
(LAUGHING)
1003
00:49:18,088 --> 00:49:20,887
Oh, Reggie,
l heard of dreadlocks,
but shitlocks?
1004
00:49:22,326 --> 00:49:25,261
That's not your hair.
Take that pile of shit
off your head.
1005
00:49:25,262 --> 00:49:27,831
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
You... You go too far
with the comedy.
1006
00:49:27,832 --> 00:49:28,932
(KARATE YELL)
1007
00:49:28,933 --> 00:49:30,266
Oh, oh! Come on! Come on.
1008
00:49:30,267 --> 00:49:32,001
What's that?
Oh, yeah, it's my style, boy.
1009
00:49:32,002 --> 00:49:33,069
You didn't know
Reggie studied.
1010
00:49:33,070 --> 00:49:34,304
What style is that?
1011
00:49:34,305 --> 00:49:35,638
This is called
"Kick-Your-Ass Style," boy.
1012
00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:36,706
Oh, shit.
1013
00:49:36,707 --> 00:49:38,908
Reggie done studied
on the streets.
Oh! Come on!
1014
00:49:38,909 --> 00:49:40,310
(KARATE YELL)
1015
00:49:40,311 --> 00:49:41,377
Oh! Oh!
1016
00:49:41,378 --> 00:49:42,679
(AUDIENCE GASPS AND CHEERS)
1017
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:43,943
(LAUGHING)
1018
00:49:45,783 --> 00:49:48,351
Oh, you quick,
but l'm quicker.
1019
00:49:48,352 --> 00:49:49,719
Watch my feet.
Come on with it!
1020
00:49:49,720 --> 00:49:51,521
l'm gonna come on
with it. l'm gonna...
1021
00:49:51,522 --> 00:49:52,889
(KARATE YELLS)
1022
00:49:52,890 --> 00:49:54,057
REGGIE: Oh, damn!
1023
00:49:54,058 --> 00:49:55,558
(AUDIENCE GASPS)
1024
00:49:55,559 --> 00:49:56,793
Ladies and gentlemen,
1025
00:49:56,794 --> 00:49:58,228
me and Reggie
want to send one out
1026
00:49:58,229 --> 00:50:01,289
to a very special lady
in the house tonight.
1027
00:50:01,799 --> 00:50:02,866
(PIANO PLAYING)
1028
00:50:02,867 --> 00:50:07,236
(SINGING) Lovin' you is easy,
'cause you're beautiful
1029
00:50:09,974 --> 00:50:12,609
Do-un-do-un-doo-doo.
Reggie?
1030
00:50:12,610 --> 00:50:13,743
(BONES CRACK)
1031
00:50:13,744 --> 00:50:15,838
(HOWLING)
1032
00:50:16,113 --> 00:50:18,848
Let go.
That was pretty.
1033
00:50:18,849 --> 00:50:21,351
Ladies and gentlemen,
Reggie has left the building.
1034
00:50:21,352 --> 00:50:23,081
Thank you, and good night.
1035
00:50:25,055 --> 00:50:26,785
(CHEERING)
1036
00:50:28,792 --> 00:50:32,562
Oh, stop it! Stop it!
Now, thank you so much.
Thank you.
1037
00:50:32,563 --> 00:50:34,797
Thank you so...
Oh, please, please,
come on now.
1038
00:50:34,798 --> 00:50:38,635
Hey, who pinched my ass?
Cut it out. That's good.
1039
00:50:38,636 --> 00:50:40,603
All right. Thank you.
Can you get the bill for me?
1040
00:50:40,604 --> 00:50:42,539
Thanks, man. Too much!
1041
00:50:42,540 --> 00:50:44,607
That was amazing.
l can't believe you did that.
1042
00:50:44,608 --> 00:50:46,910
Amazing is my middle name.
1043
00:50:46,911 --> 00:50:49,312
l only wish Professor Klump
was here to have seen it.
1044
00:50:49,313 --> 00:50:50,473
Listen.
1045
00:50:51,315 --> 00:50:54,842
This is our moment.
l don't wanna ruin it
with talks of Sherman.
1046
00:50:56,053 --> 00:51:00,924
You know, your eyes,
there's something
very familiar about them,
1047
00:51:00,925 --> 00:51:02,620
as if l already know you.
1048
00:51:04,128 --> 00:51:07,897
You know,
l feel the exact same way
about you, Miss Purty.
1049
00:51:07,898 --> 00:51:10,367
(BALLAD PLAYING
ON SOUND SYSTEM)
1050
00:51:19,576 --> 00:51:21,377
Miss Purty, let me tell you.
1051
00:51:21,378 --> 00:51:23,112
(lN PROFESSOR'S VOICE)
That kiss was probably
1052
00:51:23,113 --> 00:51:25,481
the most wonderful kiss
l've ever...
1053
00:51:25,482 --> 00:51:27,050
(CLEARS THROAT)
1054
00:51:27,051 --> 00:51:29,452
What l meant to say
was that...
1055
00:51:29,453 --> 00:51:30,753
Your lip.
What?
1056
00:51:30,754 --> 00:51:32,822
Your lip is swollen.
My lip?
1057
00:51:32,823 --> 00:51:34,524
Yes.
1058
00:51:34,525 --> 00:51:36,459
Oh, my lip? Oh.
1059
00:51:36,460 --> 00:51:37,827
That happens every time l...
1060
00:51:37,828 --> 00:51:39,128
What kind of lipstick
do you have on?
1061
00:51:39,129 --> 00:51:41,197
Chanel.
That happens every time
1062
00:51:41,198 --> 00:51:43,666
l have Chanel lipstick
on my lips.
An allergic reaction.
1063
00:51:43,667 --> 00:51:44,862
(RUMBLING)
1064
00:51:45,035 --> 00:51:48,237
Oh. lt's giving me gas, too.
You have to go catch a cab.
1065
00:51:48,238 --> 00:51:51,574
l gotta go to the drugstore
and get some Benadryl
and Kaopectate.
1066
00:51:51,575 --> 00:51:53,076
Excuse me, have a
pleasant evening.
Bye, bye!
1067
00:51:53,077 --> 00:51:54,610
Buddy! Buddy, wait!
1068
00:51:54,611 --> 00:51:56,341
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
1069
00:51:56,513 --> 00:51:57,708
Oh, man.
1070
00:51:58,482 --> 00:52:00,416
Hey, Professor Klump
is here?
Yeah.
1071
00:52:00,417 --> 00:52:01,551
Where is he?
1072
00:52:01,552 --> 00:52:03,519
There he is, right there.
1073
00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:04,954
That guy gave you
this credit card?
1074
00:52:04,955 --> 00:52:06,322
Yup.
1075
00:52:06,323 --> 00:52:08,358
That's not Professor Klump.
1076
00:52:08,359 --> 00:52:10,193
That's not his credit card.
Hey!
1077
00:52:10,194 --> 00:52:11,388
What?
1078
00:52:13,397 --> 00:52:15,456
Hey! Hey!
1079
00:52:17,635 --> 00:52:20,236
Okay, fella, what are you
doing with the Professor's
credit card?
1080
00:52:20,237 --> 00:52:21,796
Where'd you get it?
1081
00:52:22,039 --> 00:52:24,701
l'm sorry. Perhaps
you need the money
more than l thought...
1082
00:52:29,146 --> 00:52:31,410
(JASON GROANS)
1083
00:52:32,850 --> 00:52:35,512
JASON: (SCREAMING)
Oh, my God!
1084
00:52:36,420 --> 00:52:38,115
(SCREAMING)
1085
00:52:43,894 --> 00:52:47,130
Oh, my God!
That's a bus!
1086
00:52:47,131 --> 00:52:51,034
You're gonna kill us, man!
What the hell is the matter...
1087
00:52:51,035 --> 00:52:53,902
Oh, man!
This is Freddy Krueger shit,
man!
1088
00:52:55,339 --> 00:52:56,670
Professor?
1089
00:52:58,876 --> 00:53:00,366
Hello, Jason.
1090
00:53:01,311 --> 00:53:04,304
JASON: (SCREAMING)
What's happening?
1091
00:53:09,319 --> 00:53:10,810
(SIREN WAILING)
1092
00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:19,955
First time we had
to use one of these
without an accident.
1093
00:53:40,317 --> 00:53:42,151
The class left
20 minutes ago.
1094
00:53:42,152 --> 00:53:44,921
Dean Richmond!
Oh, hello, sir.
1095
00:53:44,922 --> 00:53:48,157
You caught me in the middle
of an experiment l was doing.
1096
00:53:48,158 --> 00:53:51,761
l was trying to see how
the students would respond
to a teacher-less environment.
1097
00:53:51,762 --> 00:53:55,631
Teacher-less environment?
New field of research for you?
1098
00:53:55,632 --> 00:53:56,699
Yes, sir.
1099
00:53:56,700 --> 00:53:57,800
lnteresting.
Always thinking.
1100
00:53:57,801 --> 00:53:59,535
That's good, Klump.
Let me know your results.
1101
00:53:59,536 --> 00:54:01,869
Would you mind
explaining this?
1102
00:54:03,474 --> 00:54:07,710
Oh! Yeah, well,
my car's in the shop, so...
1103
00:54:07,711 --> 00:54:11,671
So you put
a $47,000 luxury car
on your faculty account.
1104
00:54:12,349 --> 00:54:17,120
lnitially, l...
l requested a Yugo,
and this is all they had...
1105
00:54:17,121 --> 00:54:18,955
lf it's all they had,
it's all they had.
1106
00:54:18,956 --> 00:54:22,050
After all, men like us
can't walk around now,
can we?
1107
00:54:23,127 --> 00:54:24,355
(CHUCKLING) Come on.
1108
00:54:25,329 --> 00:54:26,763
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1109
00:54:26,764 --> 00:54:30,032
Oh, well, well.
l'm glad you're taking it
like that, sir.
1110
00:54:30,033 --> 00:54:32,235
l thought
you was gonna get angry
and start screaming
1111
00:54:32,236 --> 00:54:35,228
and hollering,
and maybe even fire me.
1112
00:54:37,007 --> 00:54:38,975
(LAUGHING) Whoo!
Oh, Sherman, Sherman.
1113
00:54:38,976 --> 00:54:41,110
ln the end we know
so little of each other, hmm?
1114
00:54:41,111 --> 00:54:44,981
No, my friend, l've got
bigger fish to fry.
l spoke to Harlan Hartley.
1115
00:54:44,982 --> 00:54:48,351
He's offering that tiny
trinket that could save
your entire research program.
1116
00:54:48,352 --> 00:54:49,652
Oh, yes. Absolutely.
1117
00:54:49,653 --> 00:54:50,820
l set up a meeting with him.
1118
00:54:50,821 --> 00:54:53,789
He wants to hear your
grant proposal personally.
1119
00:54:53,790 --> 00:54:56,559
Friday, the Ritz,
dinner, 8:00 sharp.
1120
00:54:56,560 --> 00:54:59,462
Well, sir, l think
that's a wonderful idea,
sir. Absolutely.
1121
00:54:59,463 --> 00:55:01,864
And l promise you,
l will not let you down.
1122
00:55:01,865 --> 00:55:03,432
l know you won't.
1123
00:55:03,433 --> 00:55:05,701
l know
you're going to be there
and you're going to be great.
1124
00:55:05,702 --> 00:55:07,303
ln fact, l know
you're going to be perfect.
1125
00:55:07,304 --> 00:55:08,771
(LAUGHING)
1126
00:55:08,772 --> 00:55:10,006
Do you know how l know?
1127
00:55:10,007 --> 00:55:11,107
How's that?
1128
00:55:11,108 --> 00:55:13,242
'Cause if you're not perfect,
1129
00:55:13,243 --> 00:55:15,378
never mind the yelling
and the screaming
and the firing.
1130
00:55:15,379 --> 00:55:20,483
lf anything goes wrong
for any reason,
l'm going to kill you.
1131
00:55:20,484 --> 00:55:23,753
l don't mean that
as a euphemism. l'm going
to literally kill you.
1132
00:55:23,754 --> 00:55:28,424
l'm going to strangle you
and choke off your air supply
1133
00:55:28,425 --> 00:55:30,223
until you pass away.
1134
00:55:31,929 --> 00:55:33,863
(EXCLAIMS) Okay.
1135
00:55:34,531 --> 00:55:36,192
Till Friday, then.
1136
00:55:38,368 --> 00:55:40,633
lt's a date.
1137
00:55:40,837 --> 00:55:43,272
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
1138
00:55:46,844 --> 00:55:49,045
Sir, this is incredible.
1139
00:55:49,046 --> 00:55:51,314
lt's... lt's a complete
metabolic transformation.
1140
00:55:51,315 --> 00:55:53,749
How did it happen?
Was it an accident?
1141
00:55:54,017 --> 00:55:56,519
No, l did it
to myself, Jason.
1142
00:55:56,520 --> 00:55:58,721
You did? Why?
1143
00:55:58,722 --> 00:56:03,125
lf it was for the grant,
the data with Shelley was
already so compelling.
1144
00:56:03,126 --> 00:56:06,495
Well, l have compelling
reasons of my own, Jason.
1145
00:56:06,496 --> 00:56:09,599
l have a case of infatuation
of sorts with Miss Purty.
1146
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:13,936
Professor, if you feel
this way about Carla,
why don't you tell her?
1147
00:56:13,937 --> 00:56:15,905
lt'd be a lot simpler
than transforming into...
1148
00:56:15,906 --> 00:56:18,941
This guy's testosterone levels
are right off the charts.
1149
00:56:18,942 --> 00:56:22,211
He was mean last night.
lt was so unlike you.
1150
00:56:22,212 --> 00:56:23,479
You know, l did feel that.
1151
00:56:23,480 --> 00:56:25,448
Sir, you can't control him.
1152
00:56:25,449 --> 00:56:28,918
Jason, you have no idea
what it feels like
to be Buddy Love.
1153
00:56:28,919 --> 00:56:31,887
lt's indescribable.
lt's just wonderful!
1154
00:56:31,888 --> 00:56:35,391
The way people talk to him
and treat him, and the way
she looks at him.
1155
00:56:35,392 --> 00:56:38,027
But he's dangerous.
He almost killed us
last night.
1156
00:56:38,028 --> 00:56:41,998
We should be concentrating
on getting the grant proposal
to Harlan Hartley.
1157
00:56:41,999 --> 00:56:43,489
This is nuts!
1158
00:56:46,036 --> 00:56:50,200
l guess you're right, Jason.
l never have behaved
like this before.
1159
00:56:52,376 --> 00:56:54,936
But on the other hand,
1160
00:56:55,913 --> 00:56:58,981
l've never been
in love before.
1161
00:56:58,982 --> 00:57:00,382
Ever.
1162
00:57:19,903 --> 00:57:21,304
Afternoon, Carla.
1163
00:57:21,305 --> 00:57:22,405
Hi, Sherman.
1164
00:57:22,406 --> 00:57:24,040
How are you doing today?
1165
00:57:24,041 --> 00:57:25,341
Pretty good.
1166
00:57:25,342 --> 00:57:28,511
l come over to see
how things were going
with you and Buddy.
1167
00:57:28,512 --> 00:57:30,513
l wish l knew.
1168
00:57:30,514 --> 00:57:34,116
We went out last night.
lt was great. We had
such a wonderful time.
1169
00:57:34,117 --> 00:57:36,585
And then all of a sudden
he runs out of the club.
1170
00:57:36,586 --> 00:57:38,354
He has some allergic reaction.
1171
00:57:38,355 --> 00:57:39,956
l don't even know
if he's all right.
1172
00:57:39,957 --> 00:57:41,057
He's fine.
1173
00:57:41,058 --> 00:57:43,059
He told me
that his lip swelled up,
1174
00:57:43,060 --> 00:57:44,760
he put ice on it
and the swelling came down.
1175
00:57:44,761 --> 00:57:45,928
Kinda strange, huh?
1176
00:57:45,929 --> 00:57:48,431
Well, did he even ask
about me?
1177
00:57:48,432 --> 00:57:51,901
Did he say why he didn't
call me and let me know
he was all right?
1178
00:57:51,902 --> 00:57:53,569
Carla, Buddy's kind of
unreliable.
1179
00:57:53,570 --> 00:57:55,071
He's kind of
what you call
1180
00:57:55,072 --> 00:57:57,540
a "here today,
gone tomorrow"
kind of fellow.
1181
00:57:57,541 --> 00:57:59,308
Oh, l see.
Mmm-hmm.
1182
00:57:59,309 --> 00:58:03,412
So he had you talk to me
because he's not interested
anymore.
1183
00:58:03,413 --> 00:58:05,514
No, it's nothing
quite like that.
Look.
1184
00:58:05,515 --> 00:58:09,185
l know what it feels like
to be brushed off,
and it's okay.
1185
00:58:09,186 --> 00:58:11,053
This is all my fault.
1186
00:58:11,054 --> 00:58:13,723
l should've never
encouraged you
to go out with Buddy.
1187
00:58:13,724 --> 00:58:16,090
Sherman, you have been
so sweet.
1188
00:58:16,793 --> 00:58:20,252
l'll just have to
forget about him.
l'll see you later.
1189
00:58:21,331 --> 00:58:22,526
Carla.
1190
00:58:24,634 --> 00:58:26,502
l was wondering if
1191
00:58:26,503 --> 00:58:29,472
l could talk to you
about you and l,
for a second.
1192
00:58:29,473 --> 00:58:31,407
l was...
1193
00:58:33,076 --> 00:58:35,277
l was wondering
what you were doing later,
1194
00:58:35,278 --> 00:58:38,280
'cause the family
gonna get together.
1195
00:58:38,281 --> 00:58:41,050
She made a meal
1196
00:58:41,051 --> 00:58:43,219
and we gonna be eating,
so l figured
1197
00:58:43,220 --> 00:58:44,887
if you not doing anything
for dinner,
1198
00:58:44,888 --> 00:58:48,654
we'd love to have you,
if you want to come over
for dinner.
1199
00:58:49,593 --> 00:58:52,255
We'd love to have you over
for dinner.
1200
00:58:53,063 --> 00:58:54,597
l'd love to.
1201
00:58:54,598 --> 00:58:55,765
Would you, now?
1202
00:58:55,766 --> 00:58:57,099
Yes, l would.
1203
00:58:57,100 --> 00:59:00,002
Should we call
and make sure there's
going to be enough food?
1204
00:59:00,003 --> 00:59:02,495
l don't think
that's going to be a problem.
1205
00:59:02,839 --> 00:59:04,140
(ALL CHATTERING)
1206
00:59:04,141 --> 00:59:06,208
MAMA: There's nothing like
being with family!
1207
00:59:06,209 --> 00:59:08,344
GRANDMA: l am hungry.
Come on, now.
1208
00:59:08,345 --> 00:59:09,712
Carla, where are you from?
1209
00:59:09,713 --> 00:59:10,880
Chicago.
1210
00:59:10,881 --> 00:59:12,815
Oh, Chicago!
We have family there.
1211
00:59:12,816 --> 00:59:14,417
PAPA: Windy city, huh?
1212
00:59:14,418 --> 00:59:16,786
l was working on a skyscraper
in Chicago once,
1213
00:59:16,787 --> 00:59:18,954
and my lunch blew off
the 27th floor.
1214
00:59:18,955 --> 00:59:21,424
Yeah, l figure
your fat ass would remember
1215
00:59:21,425 --> 00:59:23,826
somebody's sandwich
flying off a building.
1216
00:59:23,827 --> 00:59:24,894
(LOUD BELCH)
1217
00:59:24,895 --> 00:59:26,462
Oh, baby, eat some bread.
1218
00:59:26,463 --> 00:59:29,131
Miss Purty, are you
and Sherman having relations?
1219
00:59:29,132 --> 00:59:31,100
TOGETHER:
That's a good question.
1220
00:59:31,101 --> 00:59:32,401
No, Grandma.
1221
00:59:32,402 --> 00:59:34,837
lt's not like that.
We're colleagues.
1222
00:59:34,838 --> 00:59:36,939
Oh.
PROFESSOR:
We just work together.
1223
00:59:36,940 --> 00:59:38,641
That's how it start out
colleagues.
1224
00:59:38,642 --> 00:59:40,342
Me and your grandfather
was colleagues.
1225
00:59:40,343 --> 00:59:43,746
Next thing you know
he's on top of me in the shed,
pumping and a-sweating.
1226
00:59:43,747 --> 00:59:44,880
lt's not like that.
1227
00:59:44,881 --> 00:59:46,282
PAPA: Will you hush up?
1228
00:59:46,283 --> 00:59:47,583
He's never brought
a girl home.
1229
00:59:47,584 --> 00:59:49,318
The least you can do
is let us talk to her.
1230
00:59:49,319 --> 00:59:51,487
Yeah, l'd like
to get to know her
a little better myself.
1231
00:59:51,488 --> 00:59:54,323
Ain't nothing wrong
with having relations.
Don't be ashamed of that.
1232
00:59:54,324 --> 00:59:55,925
Relations is beautiful.
1233
00:59:55,926 --> 00:59:58,561
When l was young
l used to always
have relations.
1234
00:59:58,562 --> 01:00:03,065
Every night,
if a nice gentleman
bring me flowers and candy,
1235
01:00:03,066 --> 01:00:06,969
take me to a movie,
show me a lovely evening,
1236
01:00:06,970 --> 01:00:11,140
then l would take him home
and give him hot,
lovely relations.
1237
01:00:11,141 --> 01:00:12,441
Relations is
a beautiful thing.
1238
01:00:12,442 --> 01:00:14,276
lt's nothing to be ashamed of.
1239
01:00:14,277 --> 01:00:16,645
Especially two young people.
1240
01:00:16,646 --> 01:00:18,080
That blowhole.
1241
01:00:18,215 --> 01:00:19,415
Cletus!
1242
01:00:19,416 --> 01:00:21,517
Sometimes when l'm alone,
l relate to myself.
1243
01:00:21,518 --> 01:00:22,678
l can relate.
1244
01:00:23,453 --> 01:00:24,787
Oh, Mama.
1245
01:00:24,788 --> 01:00:26,822
l don't wanna hear this shit
while l'm eating.
1246
01:00:26,823 --> 01:00:27,957
MAMA: Cletus!
1247
01:00:27,958 --> 01:00:29,358
(WHISPERING)
l'm gonna kill you later.
1248
01:00:29,359 --> 01:00:31,293
Carla, do you
like children?
Yes.
1249
01:00:31,294 --> 01:00:32,761
Oh, that's wonderful.
1250
01:00:32,762 --> 01:00:35,598
l can't wait for Sherman
to bring me home
some grandbabies.
1251
01:00:35,599 --> 01:00:37,500
ERNIE: l know you're gonna
enjoy making them babies.
1252
01:00:37,501 --> 01:00:39,168
Got those childbearing hips.
1253
01:00:39,169 --> 01:00:41,070
(CLEARS THROAT)
Baby'll pop right out.
1254
01:00:41,071 --> 01:00:42,171
(MAKES POPPING SOUND)
1255
01:00:42,172 --> 01:00:45,007
Your family got any money?
l ain't paying
for no big-ass wedding.
1256
01:00:45,008 --> 01:00:46,709
l know a wonderful minister.
1257
01:00:46,710 --> 01:00:48,077
What religious background
are you?
1258
01:00:48,078 --> 01:00:51,614
l still got my wedding dress.
lf you want it,
l'll take it in.
1259
01:00:51,615 --> 01:00:55,951
You'd look so lovely in it.
lt's white though.
1260
01:00:55,952 --> 01:00:58,587
Can you wear a white
wedding dress, young lady?
1261
01:00:58,588 --> 01:01:02,024
Now, Sherman,
you can wear a white tuxedo.
1262
01:01:02,392 --> 01:01:04,159
'Cause you know Sherman,
1263
01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:06,328
(WHISPERING) Sherman has
never had relations.
1264
01:01:06,329 --> 01:01:08,297
Mama, you gonna
embarrass my baby.
1265
01:01:08,298 --> 01:01:09,665
GRANDMA: l hope you got
a strong back.
1266
01:01:09,666 --> 01:01:10,699
MAMA: Oh, look
at my baby blushing.
1267
01:01:10,700 --> 01:01:13,502
When you get all that man,
and release all that
1268
01:01:13,503 --> 01:01:16,837
that's been built up
for 35 years.
1269
01:01:17,874 --> 01:01:21,343
Just wanting
and wanting and wanting!
1270
01:01:21,344 --> 01:01:23,679
(EXCLAIMS) Might make
your head blow off.
1271
01:01:23,680 --> 01:01:26,248
Pop goes the weasel!
1272
01:01:26,249 --> 01:01:28,450
l got my own self hot
telling that story.
1273
01:01:28,451 --> 01:01:30,753
Pop goes the weasel,
'cause the weasel say "pop!"
1274
01:01:30,754 --> 01:01:33,656
You gonna get married here,
or in Chicago?
1275
01:01:33,657 --> 01:01:36,125
MAMA: Do you cook?
'Cause somebody's
got to feed my Sherman.
1276
01:01:36,126 --> 01:01:38,928
Yeah, l know
a wonderful church
down there on Main Street,
1277
01:01:38,929 --> 01:01:41,330
but they won't marry you
if you're a lesbian.
1278
01:01:41,331 --> 01:01:44,198
Not that l have anything
against lesbians.
l love lesbians.
1279
01:01:44,334 --> 01:01:45,968
Lesbians is cool.
1280
01:01:45,969 --> 01:01:48,237
There's nothing wrong
with a little bingo.
1281
01:01:48,238 --> 01:01:50,105
A little cunnilingus
ain't never hurt nobody.
1282
01:01:50,106 --> 01:01:52,775
Why is it the woman
always gets the choice where
they're gonna be married?
1283
01:01:52,776 --> 01:01:54,410
Tradition.
Tradition, my ass!
1284
01:01:54,411 --> 01:01:56,679
l ain't gonna pay
for everybody flying
to no Chicago!
1285
01:01:56,680 --> 01:01:58,080
You know how much
plane tickets cost?
1286
01:01:58,081 --> 01:02:00,182
You cheap bastard.
1287
01:02:00,183 --> 01:02:02,017
PAPA: We're gonna
have to drive down there.
1288
01:02:02,018 --> 01:02:04,112
l'm not driving
over to Chicago.
1289
01:02:05,288 --> 01:02:08,884
(SINGING)
Sherman gonna have relations
1290
01:02:09,225 --> 01:02:11,421
My baby's not getting married.
1291
01:02:12,095 --> 01:02:13,195
(LOUD FART)
1292
01:02:13,196 --> 01:02:14,563
There you go again,
1293
01:02:14,564 --> 01:02:17,166
popping off gas
in front of this
lovely young lady.
1294
01:02:17,167 --> 01:02:19,401
We're trying to have a meal.
Put that brake on this gas.
1295
01:02:19,402 --> 01:02:22,504
l hope your ass
turn into a frog.
1296
01:02:22,505 --> 01:02:24,506
Don't nobody want
to hear your flatulence,
Cletus Klump.
1297
01:02:24,507 --> 01:02:25,708
(LOUD FART)
1298
01:02:25,709 --> 01:02:26,875
MAMA: You're such a disgrace!
1299
01:02:26,876 --> 01:02:29,111
PAPA: l stopped holding
my gas a long time ago.
1300
01:02:29,112 --> 01:02:30,546
MAMA: You spoiled the dinner!
1301
01:02:30,547 --> 01:02:32,815
(ERNIE JR. LAUGHING)
PAPA: Say one more word.
1302
01:02:32,816 --> 01:02:34,350
(CHATTERING CONTINUES)
1303
01:02:34,351 --> 01:02:36,685
(BELL TOLLING)
1304
01:02:36,686 --> 01:02:37,987
Listen, Carla,
1305
01:02:37,988 --> 01:02:40,289
l want to apologize
about my family back there.
1306
01:02:40,290 --> 01:02:42,024
l think they got
the wrong idea about things.
1307
01:02:42,025 --> 01:02:45,094
Oh, no.
l should apologize.
1308
01:02:45,095 --> 01:02:47,630
l'm so sorry
if l seemed distant tonight.
1309
01:02:47,631 --> 01:02:50,666
l still have Buddy
on my mind.
1310
01:02:50,667 --> 01:02:52,362
You really care
for Buddy, huh?
1311
01:02:52,936 --> 01:02:54,699
l don't know.
1312
01:02:54,938 --> 01:02:58,641
l mean, on the outside,
he seems so cocky and brash.
1313
01:02:58,642 --> 01:03:02,378
But when l look in his eyes,
l see kindness, l see warmth.
1314
01:03:02,379 --> 01:03:04,913
And that's the side of Buddy
l wanted to get to know.
1315
01:03:04,914 --> 01:03:07,213
l just got
way ahead of myself.
1316
01:03:07,717 --> 01:03:11,520
And here l am,
talking your ear off
once again about Buddy.
1317
01:03:11,521 --> 01:03:13,022
No, it's quite
all right, really.
1318
01:03:13,023 --> 01:03:16,325
Listen, Carla,
1319
01:03:16,326 --> 01:03:18,827
don't you worry about Buddy.
1320
01:03:18,828 --> 01:03:20,660
l'll find him for you.
1321
01:03:21,965 --> 01:03:24,099
Thank you, Sherman.
1322
01:03:24,100 --> 01:03:27,036
Thank you for being
such a good friend to me.
1323
01:03:28,738 --> 01:03:30,263
A good friend.
1324
01:03:37,480 --> 01:03:38,641
Good night.
1325
01:03:39,082 --> 01:03:40,447
Good night.
1326
01:03:49,259 --> 01:03:50,556
(SIGHS)
1327
01:04:03,373 --> 01:04:05,136
(LOUD CRASHING)
1328
01:04:05,842 --> 01:04:07,207
Professor?
1329
01:04:09,212 --> 01:04:12,876
ls that you?
l just finished
the grant proposal.
1330
01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:18,587
What's the matter with you?
1331
01:04:18,588 --> 01:04:20,322
Never seen a brother
wearing a circus tent before?
1332
01:04:20,323 --> 01:04:21,924
Black man can't go camping?
1333
01:04:21,925 --> 01:04:24,059
Now, wait a minute, you...
You can't be you.
1334
01:04:24,060 --> 01:04:26,028
We agreed that
you wouldn't do this.
1335
01:04:26,029 --> 01:04:28,530
Someone has to tend
to chunky butt's sex life.
1336
01:04:28,531 --> 01:04:31,296
Chunky butt is
extremely horny. Excuse me.
1337
01:04:31,668 --> 01:04:35,404
But Professor Klump
has a meeting tonight with
Harlan Hartley at the Ritz.
1338
01:04:35,405 --> 01:04:38,607
l'm gonna be at the Ritz
tonight, but it will not be
in the interest of science.
1339
01:04:38,608 --> 01:04:41,134
No! l can't let you go.
1340
01:04:41,678 --> 01:04:43,345
Professor!
1341
01:04:43,346 --> 01:04:48,183
lf you're in there
and you can hear me, come out!
1342
01:04:48,184 --> 01:04:52,121
Professor, listen to me.
The testosterone levels
are way too high.
1343
01:04:52,122 --> 01:04:54,056
You can't control him.
1344
01:04:54,057 --> 01:04:55,758
(WHEEZING)
1345
01:04:55,759 --> 01:04:59,627
(GROANING AND MOANING)
1346
01:04:59,963 --> 01:05:01,964
Oh! Jason!
What?
1347
01:05:01,965 --> 01:05:03,399
(GASPING)
lt's me, Sherman.
1348
01:05:03,400 --> 01:05:06,468
l'm talking to you from
deep down inside Buddy Love.
1349
01:05:06,469 --> 01:05:09,838
Listen to me closely.
Go in the back room
while l'm holding him
1350
01:05:09,839 --> 01:05:12,174
and get the coagulant serum
off the back shelf!
1351
01:05:12,175 --> 01:05:13,409
ln the storage closet?
Yes, Jason!
1352
01:05:13,410 --> 01:05:15,177
l got it!
Hurry, Jason!
1353
01:05:15,178 --> 01:05:17,980
l got it!
We don't have much time.
Let's move!
1354
01:05:17,981 --> 01:05:19,281
(YELLS)
1355
01:05:19,282 --> 01:05:20,716
(MANIACAL LAUGHING)
1356
01:05:20,717 --> 01:05:22,785
Professor! Professor!
1357
01:05:22,786 --> 01:05:25,988
l have an appointment
with love!
Good night, hamster boy!
1358
01:05:25,989 --> 01:05:27,322
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
No, Professor!
1359
01:05:27,323 --> 01:05:28,450
(SCREAMING)
1360
01:05:50,180 --> 01:05:53,682
"Sorry l haven't phoned,
but l haven't been
myself lately.
1361
01:05:53,683 --> 01:05:56,251
"Join me for dinner.
Buddy Love.
1362
01:05:56,252 --> 01:06:00,815
"P.S. l've enclosed
a wallet-sized photo
for your enjoyment."
1363
01:06:02,325 --> 01:06:03,520
(CHUCKLING)
1364
01:06:05,628 --> 01:06:07,597
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1365
01:06:09,399 --> 01:06:12,267
Buddy, how can l stay
mad at you?
This is gorgeous!
1366
01:06:12,268 --> 01:06:13,769
You're gorgeous
and l'm gorgeous,
1367
01:06:13,770 --> 01:06:15,003
so we should be
in gorgeous surroundings.
1368
01:06:15,004 --> 01:06:16,171
Let me get the room key.
1369
01:06:16,172 --> 01:06:17,473
Wait. Hold it.
1370
01:06:17,474 --> 01:06:19,575
l didn't say anything about
going to any room with you.
1371
01:06:19,576 --> 01:06:22,244
You said you were taking me
to dinner.
1372
01:06:22,245 --> 01:06:25,147
What are you talking about?
Oh, you think that... Oh!
1373
01:06:25,148 --> 01:06:27,616
Oh, my...
Hey, hey, hey. Slow down.
1374
01:06:27,617 --> 01:06:30,219
l just want to spend
some time with you,
by ourselves.
1375
01:06:30,220 --> 01:06:34,356
l don't want to share you
with these people.
l want to eat, alone, quiet.
1376
01:06:34,357 --> 01:06:38,260
l would never disrespect you.
l'm a puppy dog.
1377
01:06:39,095 --> 01:06:41,463
Please, can l go
get this room?
1378
01:06:41,464 --> 01:06:42,693
(BARKS QUIETLY)
1379
01:06:43,266 --> 01:06:45,166
Yes?
Yes.
1380
01:06:45,668 --> 01:06:47,836
l'd throw him
in the river with a Buick
tied to his neck.
1381
01:06:47,837 --> 01:06:49,371
He'd probably drag
the car down.
1382
01:06:49,372 --> 01:06:51,340
Miss Purty. Purty!
Dean Richmond.
1383
01:06:51,341 --> 01:06:53,942
Have you seen Professor Klump?
He's 40 minutes late.
1384
01:06:53,943 --> 01:06:56,912
lf Harlan Hartley
walks out that door,
$10 million goes with him.
1385
01:06:56,913 --> 01:06:59,848
Oh, Lord.
l'm gonna have to lay down
in front of his car.
1386
01:06:59,849 --> 01:07:02,317
Let's go.
Buddy, you know
Sherman's research.
1387
01:07:02,318 --> 01:07:04,519
He's late for a meeting.
Fill in for him.
1388
01:07:04,520 --> 01:07:07,289
No, it's a nice thought,
but he'd have to know
Sherman's research.
1389
01:07:07,290 --> 01:07:10,359
You know Sherman's
research? Who are you?
1390
01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:12,294
You might say
l'm a visiting professor
1391
01:07:12,295 --> 01:07:13,729
who might be staying
for a while.
1392
01:07:13,730 --> 01:07:16,298
l do know Sherman's work.
ln fact, l am Sherman's work.
1393
01:07:16,299 --> 01:07:17,499
Buddy!
1394
01:07:17,500 --> 01:07:18,667
Do you think
you can do Klump's job
1395
01:07:18,668 --> 01:07:20,469
and crowbar that dough
out of Hartley?
1396
01:07:20,470 --> 01:07:23,739
There's not a job
on this planet l can't do
twice as good as Sherman.
1397
01:07:23,740 --> 01:07:25,731
Good. Follow me.
1398
01:07:27,010 --> 01:07:29,811
l'll go do this
just 'cause you asked me,
not 'cause of him.
1399
01:07:29,812 --> 01:07:31,613
You just stay put.
1400
01:07:31,614 --> 01:07:35,083
l've got to go be brilliant.
Look at your fine self.
1401
01:07:35,084 --> 01:07:38,787
l bet you have on a thong
made of licorice, don't you?
1402
01:07:38,788 --> 01:07:40,586
Excuse me.
1403
01:07:40,823 --> 01:07:42,450
(RICHMOND LAUGHING)
1404
01:07:42,625 --> 01:07:44,192
All righty!
1405
01:07:44,193 --> 01:07:46,595
Well, this had better
be Professor Klump.
1406
01:07:46,596 --> 01:07:49,164
Klump? That fraud,
that hack, that no-talent.
1407
01:07:49,165 --> 01:07:52,000
No, sir, this is the man
behind Klump's work,
the real genius.
1408
01:07:52,001 --> 01:07:54,369
l give you
Professor Buddy Love.
1409
01:07:54,370 --> 01:07:55,971
All right, Professor Love.
1410
01:07:55,972 --> 01:07:58,073
You have one minute
to show me your research.
1411
01:07:58,074 --> 01:08:02,144
Oh, no, you got it
backwards, Rockefeller.
You have one minute to listen.
1412
01:08:02,145 --> 01:08:03,845
May l borrow this?
You haven't used it, have you?
1413
01:08:03,846 --> 01:08:05,347
Don't want to get
your boogers on my fingers.
1414
01:08:05,348 --> 01:08:07,683
Okay. Here we go.
1415
01:08:07,684 --> 01:08:09,751
25N times C.
1416
01:08:09,752 --> 01:08:13,221
You have to excuse
my handwriting.
l'm in a bit of a rush.
1417
01:08:13,222 --> 01:08:15,524
You have a pleasant evening.
Good night.
1418
01:08:15,525 --> 01:08:16,858
Professor Love,
1419
01:08:16,859 --> 01:08:21,029
don't you think Mr. Hartley
would like to know what
that means in lay terms?
1420
01:08:21,030 --> 01:08:22,097
(CHUCKLES)
1421
01:08:22,098 --> 01:08:23,632
Oh, you mean
rich-dummy terms?
1422
01:08:23,633 --> 01:08:27,336
l'll break it down
for the rich dummies
in the room. Listen up.
1423
01:08:27,337 --> 01:08:30,405
lf you eat
nasty stuff like this...
1424
01:08:30,406 --> 01:08:33,241
l know it looks good,
and some of y'all
like pork chops,
1425
01:08:33,242 --> 01:08:35,310
but this greasy,
nasty pork chop,
1426
01:08:35,311 --> 01:08:38,146
do you realize
there's a gene in your DNA
1427
01:08:38,147 --> 01:08:40,148
that routes this
straight to your fat cells,
1428
01:08:40,149 --> 01:08:42,351
and it causes
unsightly conditions.
1429
01:08:42,352 --> 01:08:46,822
Case in point, this woman
is suffering from what
l like to call "Jell-O arms."
1430
01:08:46,823 --> 01:08:51,259
The arm is taking on
a gelatin sort of vibe.
lt's quite nasty.
1431
01:08:51,260 --> 01:08:53,929
To my left, this gentleman
has turkey neck.
1432
01:08:53,930 --> 01:08:57,132
To my immediate left,
this woman is suffering
from what we like to call,
1433
01:08:57,133 --> 01:08:58,900
"Saddlebag syndrome."
1434
01:08:58,901 --> 01:09:00,469
To my extreme left,
1435
01:09:00,470 --> 01:09:04,206
this young lady
is suffering from what
l like to call "Tank ass."
1436
01:09:04,207 --> 01:09:07,409
Please, sit down.
Not tonight.
l'm your brother!
1437
01:09:07,410 --> 01:09:10,512
Like l was saying,
everybody, where there's
a will, there's a way.
1438
01:09:10,513 --> 01:09:13,215
There is a way
we can turn these genes off.
1439
01:09:13,216 --> 01:09:16,049
l'm not talking about
using exercise or diet.
1440
01:09:16,219 --> 01:09:18,787
l'm talking about
by taking a simple solution
1441
01:09:18,788 --> 01:09:22,391
that helps reconstruct
your metabolic
cellular strands,
1442
01:09:22,392 --> 01:09:24,393
thus giving you
the appearance of,
1443
01:09:24,394 --> 01:09:27,129
in medical terms,
gluteus minimus.
1444
01:09:27,130 --> 01:09:30,465
Or, in layman's terms,
an extremely tight,
wonderful ass.
1445
01:09:30,466 --> 01:09:33,035
Let's give a big round
of applause for the woman
with the nice ass.
1446
01:09:33,036 --> 01:09:35,771
Her ass is so nice,
don't you agree?
She's worked so hard.
1447
01:09:35,772 --> 01:09:39,241
Have a seat.
Oh, are these girls with you?
1448
01:09:39,242 --> 01:09:41,376
Everyone has a nice ass
at this table.
1449
01:09:41,377 --> 01:09:43,378
ls this
the nice-ass section?
1450
01:09:43,379 --> 01:09:44,679
(LAUGHTER)
1451
01:09:44,680 --> 01:09:46,014
Where'd you find this man?
1452
01:09:46,015 --> 01:09:47,549
Harlan, it's an outrage.
1453
01:09:47,550 --> 01:09:50,252
l assure you
he has no affiliation
with this school.
1454
01:09:50,253 --> 01:09:51,453
He's brilliant.
1455
01:09:51,454 --> 01:09:52,788
Exactly my point.
1456
01:09:52,789 --> 01:09:54,456
lt's an outrage
that his brilliance
1457
01:09:54,457 --> 01:09:56,825
has no affiliation
with this school.
1458
01:09:56,826 --> 01:09:59,294
That's why l found him
and brought him
to your money.
1459
01:09:59,295 --> 01:10:01,559
Attention. Brought him
to your attention.
1460
01:10:01,831 --> 01:10:03,959
(CLOCK BELL STRIKING)
1461
01:10:05,435 --> 01:10:08,103
My goodness,
it is time to take
my medication.
1462
01:10:08,104 --> 01:10:09,671
Professor!
1463
01:10:09,672 --> 01:10:12,407
Hartley loved you.
He's going to be at the
Alumni Ball tomorrow night.
1464
01:10:12,408 --> 01:10:14,676
lf you can prove
the formula works,
the ten million is ours!
1465
01:10:14,677 --> 01:10:17,345
What makes you so sure
that the money is ours,
1466
01:10:17,346 --> 01:10:18,747
instead of just being mine?
1467
01:10:18,748 --> 01:10:21,850
(LAUGHS)
You're good, Love. Very good.
1468
01:10:21,851 --> 01:10:26,288
How'd you like to fill in
for Professor Klump
on a more permanent basis?
1469
01:10:26,289 --> 01:10:27,916
That's what l had in mind.
1470
01:10:28,424 --> 01:10:30,258
He talked to me first.
1471
01:10:30,259 --> 01:10:32,461
Hey, l'm the one
with the gluteus minimus.
1472
01:10:32,462 --> 01:10:35,464
Will you guys just chill?
He said he could handle
all three of us.
1473
01:10:35,465 --> 01:10:37,956
With a name like Buddy Love,
l bet he can.
1474
01:10:40,803 --> 01:10:43,568
Carla, are you ready
to go upstairs?
1475
01:10:45,308 --> 01:10:47,309
l guess not.
1476
01:10:47,310 --> 01:10:49,744
Hey... Where you going?
What's your problem?
1477
01:10:49,745 --> 01:10:53,248
They're my problem,
and you can handle
all three of them, huh?
1478
01:10:53,249 --> 01:10:56,485
Oh, well, l thought after
dinner you might want to
have a little group activity.
1479
01:10:56,486 --> 01:10:59,521
After all, Buddy does
have a lot of love to give.
1480
01:10:59,522 --> 01:11:03,024
Oh, you are one sick,
twisted freak!
1481
01:11:03,025 --> 01:11:05,627
Oh, come on, Carla.
What's the... Hey!
1482
01:11:05,628 --> 01:11:09,765
Go on, leave!
There's more titties
over here anyway!
1483
01:11:09,766 --> 01:11:11,533
Think l want them two titties.
l have six titties.
1484
01:11:11,534 --> 01:11:14,736
l had two titties.
Now l have six.
That's multiplication.
1485
01:11:14,737 --> 01:11:16,068
(ALL LAUGHING)
1486
01:11:16,739 --> 01:11:21,042
(ON STEREO) Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
1487
01:11:21,043 --> 01:11:22,577
Boys will be boys
1488
01:11:22,578 --> 01:11:23,678
(BUDDY CHEERING) Yeah!
1489
01:11:23,679 --> 01:11:26,815
Yeah! Yeah!
1490
01:11:26,816 --> 01:11:29,785
Oh, yeah!
This is what l call
burning calories!
1491
01:11:29,786 --> 01:11:32,053
Come on!
Help me burn this stuff up!
1492
01:11:32,054 --> 01:11:33,886
(GUESTS WHOOPING)
1493
01:11:34,023 --> 01:11:36,591
Yeah! Hey, this is going down
to Mr. Wilson downstairs!
1494
01:11:36,592 --> 01:11:40,495
(CHANTING) The roof, the roof,
the roof is on fire
1495
01:11:40,496 --> 01:11:44,228
(ALL CHANTING) The roof,
the roof, the roof is on fire
1496
01:11:44,367 --> 01:11:49,305
(WHOOPING)
1497
01:11:54,944 --> 01:11:56,002
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
1498
01:11:56,612 --> 01:11:57,875
Sherman?
1499
01:12:00,116 --> 01:12:02,209
(CANS CRUNCHING)
1500
01:12:06,589 --> 01:12:08,114
Sherman?
1501
01:12:08,324 --> 01:12:09,723
(CANS CLATTERING)
1502
01:12:11,928 --> 01:12:13,156
Sherman?
1503
01:12:15,565 --> 01:12:16,554
(MOANING)
1504
01:12:17,800 --> 01:12:20,135
(SNIFFING AND SMACKING LIPS)
1505
01:12:20,136 --> 01:12:21,399
CARLA: Sherman?
1506
01:12:21,671 --> 01:12:22,661
(CHUCKLING)
1507
01:12:24,006 --> 01:12:25,269
Sherman?
1508
01:12:27,843 --> 01:12:28,833
(GASPS)
1509
01:12:29,712 --> 01:12:31,203
(LOUD THUD)
1510
01:12:32,415 --> 01:12:35,509
Sherman, is that you?
Are you all right?
1511
01:12:36,819 --> 01:12:38,853
Oh, hi, Carla. Hi.
1512
01:12:38,854 --> 01:12:40,186
(CHUCKLING)
1513
01:12:40,456 --> 01:12:42,057
Did you have a party
last night?
1514
01:12:42,058 --> 01:12:43,692
Oh, no.
My cleaning lady's...
1515
01:12:43,693 --> 01:12:46,595
Cleaning lady's sick,
so l got to clean up myself.
1516
01:12:46,596 --> 01:12:48,463
l see.
You sure she didn't die?
1517
01:12:48,464 --> 01:12:49,564
(LAUGHING)
1518
01:12:49,565 --> 01:12:50,931
(TOILET FLUSHING)
1519
01:12:51,567 --> 01:12:54,436
Oh. Look, l'm a little
embarrassed about the way
how my place is looking.
1520
01:12:54,437 --> 01:12:56,371
Why don't l clean up
and get back at you later?
1521
01:12:56,372 --> 01:12:59,474
No, no, no. Sherman,
l need to talk to you now.
1522
01:12:59,475 --> 01:13:00,909
lt's about Buddy.
1523
01:13:00,910 --> 01:13:02,143
He hasn't been misbehaving,
has he?
1524
01:13:02,144 --> 01:13:05,376
He's an egotistical pig,
and l wish l never met him.
1525
01:13:06,115 --> 01:13:08,583
But, Sherman,
l owe you a very big apology.
1526
01:13:08,584 --> 01:13:10,385
You owe me an apology?
Yes.
1527
01:13:10,386 --> 01:13:12,354
Last night
l was only trying to help,
1528
01:13:12,355 --> 01:13:15,457
l insisted that Buddy Love
speak to Harlan Hartley.
1529
01:13:15,458 --> 01:13:17,592
He took all the credit
for your research.
1530
01:13:17,593 --> 01:13:18,893
Now Dean Richmond...
1531
01:13:18,894 --> 01:13:20,089
WOMAN: Where's Buddy?
1532
01:13:23,399 --> 01:13:24,866
Oh...
Buddy came here?
1533
01:13:24,867 --> 01:13:26,234
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
No!
1534
01:13:26,235 --> 01:13:27,566
So what's this?
1535
01:13:27,870 --> 01:13:29,371
Are you guys...
You guys share girls?
1536
01:13:29,372 --> 01:13:30,639
Oh, no, no, no, no.
1537
01:13:30,640 --> 01:13:31,706
l guess l was next
on the list.
1538
01:13:31,707 --> 01:13:33,208
No, you don't understand.
1539
01:13:33,209 --> 01:13:36,678
l cannot believe
l came over here
feeling sorry for you.
1540
01:13:36,679 --> 01:13:38,680
Carla, will you please
just listen to me?
1541
01:13:38,681 --> 01:13:40,282
l assure you it is not
what it appears to be!
1542
01:13:40,283 --> 01:13:41,716
You're no better
than he is!
1543
01:13:41,717 --> 01:13:45,654
You are just as sick
as Buddy, and l don't wanna
see you or him again!
1544
01:13:45,655 --> 01:13:49,291
Carla, please
just listen. Carla!
1545
01:13:49,292 --> 01:13:52,557
"Eviction notice?
Violation of noise ordinance?"
1546
01:13:52,695 --> 01:13:54,396
(CANS CLATTERING)
1547
01:13:54,397 --> 01:13:57,766
Professor, we have to get
to the lab right away.
1548
01:13:57,767 --> 01:13:59,801
Whatever it is, is gonna
have to wait until later.
1549
01:13:59,802 --> 01:14:03,602
No, that's the thing.
There isn't gonna be a later.
1550
01:14:05,975 --> 01:14:08,276
JASON: Professor,
what did you do last night?
1551
01:14:08,277 --> 01:14:12,480
Jason,
l have such a bad hangover,
l honestly do not remember.
1552
01:14:12,481 --> 01:14:15,517
Well, the good news is
l'm not going to kill you,
1553
01:14:15,518 --> 01:14:17,185
not physically, anyway.
1554
01:14:17,186 --> 01:14:19,287
l am, however,
going to kill you
professionally.
1555
01:14:19,288 --> 01:14:21,256
You're not only fired
from this institution,
1556
01:14:21,257 --> 01:14:22,824
but l'm going to make sure
you never get hired
1557
01:14:22,825 --> 01:14:24,025
by any other college
in the state,
1558
01:14:24,026 --> 01:14:26,795
the country, the world,
maybe even the universe.
1559
01:14:26,796 --> 01:14:30,231
Unless, of course,
they're looking for teachers
on Planet Fat.
1560
01:14:30,232 --> 01:14:31,366
Oh, by the way,
1561
01:14:31,367 --> 01:14:34,135
Buddy Love is going to
be using your invitation
to the alumni ball,
1562
01:14:34,136 --> 01:14:36,738
so show a little school spirit
and see that he gets it.
1563
01:14:36,739 --> 01:14:38,606
(SINGING) We're in the money
1564
01:14:38,607 --> 01:14:40,974
Put that food down!
They ate yesterday!
1565
01:14:43,112 --> 01:14:47,148
...really tight
and say, "Yes, l can."
1566
01:14:47,149 --> 01:14:48,550
Say it again.
1567
01:14:48,551 --> 01:14:50,781
LANCE AND AUDIENCE:
Yes, l can!
1568
01:14:56,459 --> 01:14:58,593
Hey, chunky drawers!
Hey, tank ass!
1569
01:14:58,594 --> 01:15:01,496
What are you eating?
Mu·in? Strudel? Put it down.
Let me talk to you.
1570
01:15:01,497 --> 01:15:05,266
lf you're receiving
this message, that means
you went and plumped back up
1571
01:15:05,267 --> 01:15:08,803
to your usual, fat, sorry,
stuff-my-face-till-
l'm almost-dead self.
1572
01:15:08,804 --> 01:15:11,239
ls that what you did?
Shame on you, Sherman!
1573
01:15:11,240 --> 01:15:14,542
Do you know
what you did last night?
You had the time of your life.
1574
01:15:14,543 --> 01:15:16,244
Do you know
you can get arrested
in ·· states
1575
01:15:16,245 --> 01:15:18,179
for the shit you did
just last night?
1576
01:15:18,180 --> 01:15:19,546
(GIGGLING)
1577
01:15:20,216 --> 01:15:21,783
Oh, my goodness!
1578
01:15:21,784 --> 01:15:23,118
You know what you need to do?
1579
01:15:23,119 --> 01:15:24,753
You need to go down
to the laboratory
1580
01:15:24,754 --> 01:15:26,755
and mix up another batch
of this blue stuff.
1581
01:15:26,756 --> 01:15:29,724
Come on back to the party,
Sherman, because Carla
doesn't want you.
1582
01:15:29,725 --> 01:15:32,027
She wants me. Me, not you.
1583
01:15:32,028 --> 01:15:35,030
So come join me
because you can't beat me.
1584
01:15:35,031 --> 01:15:38,733
You can't beat me.
You can't beat me!
1585
01:15:38,734 --> 01:15:41,202
Yes, l can!
1586
01:15:41,203 --> 01:15:42,603
(BUDDY LAUGHS)
Yes, l can.
1587
01:15:47,710 --> 01:15:49,611
Professor, l got your
message. What's up?
1588
01:15:49,612 --> 01:15:52,280
l'm going
to that alumni ball tonight,
and l'm gonna reclaim my life.
1589
01:15:52,281 --> 01:15:54,949
Yes! l'm so glad
to hear you say that.
1590
01:15:54,950 --> 01:15:56,851
Get things straight
with Miss Purty,
1591
01:15:56,852 --> 01:15:58,420
and l'm gonna get that grant
from Harlan Hartley.
1592
01:15:58,421 --> 01:15:59,687
Excellent.
1593
01:15:59,688 --> 01:16:03,284
Jason, we have seen
the last of Buddy Love.
1594
01:16:09,098 --> 01:16:11,123
(BIG BAND PLAYS lN THE MOOD)
1595
01:16:21,110 --> 01:16:23,711
Horace, good to see you.
The jitterbug contest
just started.
1596
01:16:23,712 --> 01:16:25,914
l'm kidding, l'm kidding.
Your table's upstairs.
1597
01:16:25,915 --> 01:16:27,916
That's anotherjoke.
1598
01:16:27,917 --> 01:16:30,819
When did you marry
Sharon Stone?
1599
01:16:30,820 --> 01:16:33,555
Keep those legs crossed.
1600
01:16:33,556 --> 01:16:36,891
Hartley. Damn it.
And where the hell
is Buddy Love?
1601
01:16:36,892 --> 01:16:38,293
No sign of him yet, sir.
1602
01:16:38,294 --> 01:16:39,627
Here's an idea.
1603
01:16:39,628 --> 01:16:40,695
Find him!
1604
01:16:40,696 --> 01:16:42,030
Yes, sir.
1605
01:16:42,031 --> 01:16:43,598
Harlan.
Well, Richmond.
1606
01:16:43,599 --> 01:16:44,999
Where's your
Professor Buddy Love?
1607
01:16:45,000 --> 01:16:46,201
Oh, with you
it's always business.
1608
01:16:46,202 --> 01:16:47,802
Let's get to know each other
man-to-man.
1609
01:16:47,803 --> 01:16:49,070
Now, if our files are correct,
1610
01:16:49,071 --> 01:16:51,439
you and your fabulous wife
have a terrific daughter.
1611
01:16:51,440 --> 01:16:53,708
l'm divorced,
and my daughter is in rehab.
1612
01:16:53,709 --> 01:16:55,877
So you're saying
our files are not correct.
1613
01:16:55,878 --> 01:16:57,846
Listen,
you pompous butt-kisser.
1614
01:16:57,847 --> 01:17:00,215
l have a check in my pocket
for $10 million.
1615
01:17:00,216 --> 01:17:03,117
Your Buddy Love
has till midnight
to prove that formula works.
1616
01:17:03,118 --> 01:17:05,653
He'll be here,
the formula works,
and you have the check.
1617
01:17:05,654 --> 01:17:08,089
Really? On you now?
Because on behalf of...
Which pocket?
1618
01:17:08,090 --> 01:17:11,059
No, don't tell me.
Let me smell it. Punch?
1619
01:17:11,060 --> 01:17:13,228
Oh, come on, now.
Look at this.
1620
01:17:13,229 --> 01:17:15,430
l can't eat this.
This stuff is too tiny.
1621
01:17:15,431 --> 01:17:16,931
l can't get full
off this mess!
1622
01:17:16,932 --> 01:17:19,601
l think it's wonderful,
all the precious
little finger foods.
1623
01:17:19,602 --> 01:17:21,202
Finger food?
l got a finger for them.
1624
01:17:21,203 --> 01:17:23,004
l ain't paid no $100 ticket
for no finger food.
1625
01:17:23,005 --> 01:17:25,473
l could go down to Subway,
get me a sandwich for $3.
1626
01:17:25,474 --> 01:17:27,876
l gotta pay a $100 ticket
for finger food?
1627
01:17:27,877 --> 01:17:29,677
You must be crazy
to think l'm gonna eat this...
1628
01:17:29,678 --> 01:17:30,912
You're getting on
my damn nerves!
1629
01:17:30,913 --> 01:17:32,113
Shut up!
l'm hungry!
1630
01:17:32,114 --> 01:17:35,083
There's Carla. l wonder if
she's seen Sherman. Carla!
1631
01:17:35,084 --> 01:17:36,552
Carla. Oh.
1632
01:17:37,319 --> 01:17:38,685
(LAUGHING)
1633
01:17:40,289 --> 01:17:42,824
(LAUGHING)
Oh, you look fabulous.
1634
01:17:42,825 --> 01:17:44,325
Thank you, Mrs. Klump.
1635
01:17:44,326 --> 01:17:45,693
Have you seen Sherman?
1636
01:17:45,694 --> 01:17:46,828
Yeah, where's Sherman at?
1637
01:17:46,829 --> 01:17:48,830
l ain't come
to pay no $100 ticket
to suffer this alone.
1638
01:17:48,831 --> 01:17:50,064
Cletus, shut up, please!
1639
01:17:50,065 --> 01:17:52,500
Hey! That's strike two.
1640
01:17:53,235 --> 01:17:55,170
l don't think Sherman
will be coming tonight.
1641
01:17:55,171 --> 01:17:57,572
Yes, he is.
Sherman called me and told me
make sure we was here.
1642
01:17:57,573 --> 01:17:59,374
He got a big announcement
to make.
1643
01:17:59,375 --> 01:18:01,609
Something about getting it
all off his chest.
1644
01:18:01,610 --> 01:18:04,379
Have you noticed
that Sherman's been acting
kind of strange lately?
1645
01:18:04,380 --> 01:18:07,215
Sherman has definitely
been acting strange lately.
1646
01:18:07,216 --> 01:18:09,250
l knew it!
See, Cletus? l told you.
1647
01:18:09,251 --> 01:18:12,787
You really think
l be listening to you.
l ain't listening to you!
1648
01:18:12,788 --> 01:18:14,689
Well, Mrs. Klump,
l hope you have
a wonderful evening.
1649
01:18:14,690 --> 01:18:18,293
Oh, you do the same.
Thank you so much.
So precious.
1650
01:18:18,294 --> 01:18:19,527
Look at your
little purple dress.
1651
01:18:19,528 --> 01:18:21,462
They gonna think we twins.
1652
01:18:21,463 --> 01:18:22,697
(CHUCKLING)
Mr. Klump.
1653
01:18:22,698 --> 01:18:23,932
Oh, yeah, yeah.
1654
01:18:23,933 --> 01:18:26,000
Fabulous.
1655
01:18:26,001 --> 01:18:28,803
You know, Cletus,
l think something's going on
between her and Sherman.
1656
01:18:28,804 --> 01:18:31,439
You don't go get up
in Sherman's business.
That's Sherman's business.
1657
01:18:31,440 --> 01:18:33,908
Sherman's business?
That's my business.
Sherman is my baby.
1658
01:18:33,909 --> 01:18:36,344
Sherman's 35 years old!
What you talking about
he's your baby?
1659
01:18:36,345 --> 01:18:37,979
l don't wanna hear it.
Shut up, please!
1660
01:18:37,980 --> 01:18:39,581
Carla!
That's strike three, damn it!
1661
01:18:39,582 --> 01:18:41,716
Don't you walk away
from me, God damn it!
1662
01:18:41,717 --> 01:18:43,184
(MUTTERING)
1663
01:18:43,185 --> 01:18:44,719
Hey, this is the last
of it, Professor.
1664
01:18:44,720 --> 01:18:46,421
l'll tell you this, Jason.
1665
01:18:46,422 --> 01:18:49,490
lf l'm gonna change my life,
it's not gonna come
from some magic drink.
1666
01:18:49,491 --> 01:18:53,724
Gotta come from a lot
of hard work and exercise
and plenty of these.
1667
01:18:53,896 --> 01:18:56,490
Good bye, Buddy Love.
Hello, Megashake.
1668
01:18:58,500 --> 01:18:59,490
(GULPING)
1669
01:19:03,239 --> 01:19:04,604
(SCREAMING)
1670
01:19:05,341 --> 01:19:06,706
Professor?
1671
01:19:09,845 --> 01:19:11,145
Oh!
1672
01:19:11,146 --> 01:19:14,315
l lost 300 pounds
in 30 seconds!
1673
01:19:14,316 --> 01:19:15,617
Thanks, Megashake!
1674
01:19:15,618 --> 01:19:17,352
You tricked him!
1675
01:19:17,353 --> 01:19:18,753
You damn right, hamster boy.
1676
01:19:18,754 --> 01:19:20,121
l knew Sherman
was gonna go soft on me.
1677
01:19:20,122 --> 01:19:22,090
That can wreak havoc
on a man's sex life.
1678
01:19:22,258 --> 01:19:23,825
(LAUGHING)
1679
01:19:23,826 --> 01:19:25,426
See, l've done
some calculations of my own.
1680
01:19:25,427 --> 01:19:27,161
lf l drink 500 milliliters
of formula,
1681
01:19:27,162 --> 01:19:28,429
l'll have enough
cellular stability
1682
01:19:28,430 --> 01:19:29,697
to be rid of Sherman's ass
forever!
1683
01:19:29,698 --> 01:19:32,266
You drink that much formula
at one time
and it will kill you!
1684
01:19:32,267 --> 01:19:33,601
lf l drink it all at once,
yes.
1685
01:19:33,602 --> 01:19:35,737
lf l drink half now
and half later, that's safe.
1686
01:19:35,738 --> 01:19:37,939
At midnight, l don't have
to worry about turning
into no Klumpkin.
1687
01:19:37,940 --> 01:19:40,241
lf you don't mind, l have
a date at the alumni ball,
1688
01:19:40,242 --> 01:19:41,676
and you have a date
with linoleum.
1689
01:19:41,677 --> 01:19:43,145
Who?
1690
01:19:44,313 --> 01:19:45,746
(MAMA KLUMP LAUGHS)
1691
01:19:48,517 --> 01:19:51,986
No, no, no, child.
Not a wild party.
Not Sherman.
1692
01:19:51,987 --> 01:19:54,055
He's too shy
for something like that.
He hates parties.
1693
01:19:54,056 --> 01:19:57,458
ln fact, we tried
to have a party for Sherman
when he was 1·-years-old
1694
01:19:57,459 --> 01:20:00,662
and he's so shy,
he didn't even show up.
1695
01:20:00,663 --> 01:20:03,097
Well, l must admit,
it didn't seem like
the Sherman l knew.
1696
01:20:03,098 --> 01:20:04,265
Oh, no, not my baby.
1697
01:20:04,266 --> 01:20:05,767
Maybe he loaned his house
out to somebody
1698
01:20:05,768 --> 01:20:07,268
or one of his buddies
was throwing a party.
1699
01:20:07,269 --> 01:20:08,503
BUDDY: Yeah!
1700
01:20:08,504 --> 01:20:11,472
ls that a test tube
in my pocket? Or am l just
happy to see you?
1701
01:20:11,473 --> 01:20:13,508
Oh! How dare you?
Oh, you know you loved it.
1702
01:20:13,509 --> 01:20:14,776
l felt you percolating.
1703
01:20:14,777 --> 01:20:16,177
(GASPS)
Whoo!
1704
01:20:16,178 --> 01:20:18,179
Hey, thanks a lot, man.
Thank you so much.
1705
01:20:18,180 --> 01:20:20,548
Oh! What you serving here?
1706
01:20:20,549 --> 01:20:23,284
This stuff is... Y'all got to
get some collard greens
and yams!
1707
01:20:23,285 --> 01:20:24,485
Some red beans and rice!
1708
01:20:24,486 --> 01:20:25,620
Some "Buddy" is right.
1709
01:20:25,621 --> 01:20:27,088
This ain't no party!
RICHMOND: Dr. Love!
1710
01:20:27,089 --> 01:20:28,323
This ain't no ball!
1711
01:20:28,324 --> 01:20:30,224
Y'all gotta get y'all
some peach cobbler up in here!
1712
01:20:30,225 --> 01:20:33,528
Professor Love!
Where the hell have you been?
1713
01:20:33,529 --> 01:20:35,329
l've been nursemaiding Hartley
for three hours,
1714
01:20:35,330 --> 01:20:36,798
and if l didn't need
that money...
1715
01:20:36,799 --> 01:20:37,965
Shut up!
1716
01:20:37,966 --> 01:20:39,734
Who you think
you're talking to,
Sherman Klump?
1717
01:20:39,735 --> 01:20:41,836
Man, if you ever talk
to me like that again,
l'll kill you!
1718
01:20:41,837 --> 01:20:44,505
l don't mean that
as a euphemism. l mean,
l'm gonna literally kill you.
1719
01:20:44,506 --> 01:20:48,841
l'm gonna strangle you
and cut off your air supply
until you pass away!
1720
01:20:49,578 --> 01:20:52,046
BUDDY: Now find the rich dummy
a seat. lt's show time.
1721
01:20:52,047 --> 01:20:54,015
lt's show time, everybody!
1722
01:20:54,016 --> 01:20:55,711
Show time!
1723
01:20:55,918 --> 01:20:57,909
(BUDDY CACKLING)
1724
01:20:58,654 --> 01:20:59,754
(JASON GROANING)
1725
01:20:59,755 --> 01:21:01,587
(BEEPING)
1726
01:21:08,430 --> 01:21:10,364
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
1727
01:21:18,707 --> 01:21:20,141
BUDDY: That's enough
out of you! That's it.
1728
01:21:20,142 --> 01:21:21,442
You're the reason
everybody falling asleep.
1729
01:21:21,443 --> 01:21:22,777
Take a break, Nigger-ace.
1730
01:21:22,778 --> 01:21:25,046
Take the Everly Brothers
with you. Get out of here!
1731
01:21:25,047 --> 01:21:28,750
Look at everybody sleeping
because of y'all!
lt's show time!
1732
01:21:28,751 --> 01:21:32,053
Now why are y'all
looking at me
like y'all don't know me?
1733
01:21:32,054 --> 01:21:33,554
Y'all know me!
1734
01:21:33,555 --> 01:21:35,423
l don't know that fool.
1735
01:21:35,424 --> 01:21:37,892
How about now?
You recognize me?
1736
01:21:37,893 --> 01:21:39,127
l don't know that fool.
1737
01:21:39,128 --> 01:21:40,428
Maybe it's because
1738
01:21:40,429 --> 01:21:44,195
this morning,
l weighed 400 pounds!
1739
01:21:44,666 --> 01:21:46,794
You should've seen me.
Look at me now.
1740
01:21:46,969 --> 01:21:49,570
You know how l did it?
One sip.
1741
01:21:49,571 --> 01:21:51,806
l know why he like that,
'cause he drunk.
1742
01:21:51,807 --> 01:21:54,208
Be quiet!
Don't tell me to be quiet!
He drunk!
1743
01:21:54,209 --> 01:21:57,145
l like to call it
"Buddy's Wonder Tonic."
1744
01:21:57,146 --> 01:21:58,713
l know what wonder tonic
you had.
1745
01:21:58,714 --> 01:21:59,814
(WATCH ALARM BEEPING)
1746
01:21:59,815 --> 01:22:01,783
Right on schedule.
1747
01:22:01,784 --> 01:22:05,753
Cellular destabilization
due to arrive
in exactly three,
1748
01:22:05,754 --> 01:22:06,821
(BEEPING)
1749
01:22:06,822 --> 01:22:09,348
two, one...
1750
01:22:09,491 --> 01:22:11,084
(SLOSHING)
1751
01:22:11,560 --> 01:22:12,727
Ain't that a bitch!
1752
01:22:12,728 --> 01:22:13,828
What the hell?
My goodness!
1753
01:22:13,829 --> 01:22:15,663
Hey, moneybags,
you want a demonstration?
1754
01:22:15,664 --> 01:22:18,395
Well, then feast your eyes
on this.
1755
01:22:21,203 --> 01:22:22,796
(SLOSHING)
1756
01:22:25,407 --> 01:22:26,707
That's a hell of a trick.
1757
01:22:26,708 --> 01:22:28,009
(BEEPING)
1758
01:22:28,010 --> 01:22:30,311
Ladies and gentlemen,
for my final demonstration...
1759
01:22:30,312 --> 01:22:34,772
Look out, David Copperfield.
l'm about to make
a 400-pound fat man
1760
01:22:35,184 --> 01:22:36,784
disappear forever!
1761
01:22:36,785 --> 01:22:40,016
No! Wait!
1762
01:22:40,589 --> 01:22:44,492
l cannot let you
do this anymore!
1763
01:22:44,493 --> 01:22:47,155
This has got to stop!
1764
01:22:48,831 --> 01:22:52,233
This man is trying to kill
Professor Sherman Klump!
1765
01:22:52,234 --> 01:22:54,168
That's it.
l'm glad l brought my knife.
1766
01:22:54,169 --> 01:22:55,770
Mmm-hmm.
And l got my razor.
1767
01:22:55,771 --> 01:22:57,104
Hand over the vial now!
1768
01:22:57,105 --> 01:22:58,506
Oh, sure thing, hamster boy.
1769
01:22:58,507 --> 01:23:00,999
But first,
a short musical interlude.
1770
01:23:01,844 --> 01:23:02,833
(GASPING)
1771
01:23:04,079 --> 01:23:05,146
Buddy!
1772
01:23:05,147 --> 01:23:07,782
What has gotten into you,
and where is Sherman?
1773
01:23:07,783 --> 01:23:09,417
Sherman is gone!
Disappeared!
1774
01:23:09,418 --> 01:23:11,052
(MUTTERING)
What the hell...
1775
01:23:11,053 --> 01:23:14,021
And that's a pretty good trick
for a man with an ass
as big as his.
1776
01:23:14,022 --> 01:23:15,122
(BEEPING)
1777
01:23:15,123 --> 01:23:16,657
Oh! l'm late
for an appointment.
1778
01:23:16,658 --> 01:23:19,787
Ladies and gentlemen,
say goodbye to Sherman Klump!
1779
01:23:20,229 --> 01:23:22,630
l hate being called
hamster boy.
1780
01:23:22,631 --> 01:23:23,928
(GUESTS GASPING)
1781
01:23:25,467 --> 01:23:27,936
You just don't know
when to quit, do you?
1782
01:23:28,704 --> 01:23:30,228
(GUESTS GASPING)
1783
01:23:31,607 --> 01:23:33,768
(GRUNTING)
1784
01:23:34,509 --> 01:23:36,740
lt's too late, fat boy.
lt's over!
1785
01:23:37,913 --> 01:23:39,540
(STRAINING) Let go! Let go!
1786
01:23:42,150 --> 01:23:43,351
My goodness! Damn!
1787
01:23:43,352 --> 01:23:46,621
(GRUNTING AND GAGGING)
Give it up, fat boy!
lt's over!
1788
01:23:46,622 --> 01:23:49,190
(lN PROFESSOR'S VOICE)
lt ain't over
till the fat professor sings!
1789
01:23:49,191 --> 01:23:50,291
(SHRIEKING)
1790
01:23:50,292 --> 01:23:53,060
Let go of my hand,
you fat mother...
1791
01:23:53,061 --> 01:23:55,860
Say one more word, Buddy,
l'll tear your arm off!
1792
01:23:56,565 --> 01:24:01,662
lt's time we take Nestea...
Plunge!
1793
01:24:03,372 --> 01:24:04,999
(GRUNTING)
1794
01:24:05,440 --> 01:24:06,574
(SOBBING)
1795
01:24:06,575 --> 01:24:09,601
Gonna get the hell out of here
in a second. lt's okay.
1796
01:24:13,315 --> 01:24:14,840
(GRUNTING)
1797
01:24:17,052 --> 01:24:18,247
Sweet Jesus!
1798
01:24:18,420 --> 01:24:19,487
Sherman!
1799
01:24:19,488 --> 01:24:22,981
Sherman, don't do this!
You need me!
1800
01:24:24,459 --> 01:24:27,292
No, l don't!
1801
01:24:27,629 --> 01:24:29,598
You fat ass!
1802
01:24:30,032 --> 01:24:31,999
Tinkerbell!
1803
01:24:32,000 --> 01:24:33,024
Blubber butt!
1804
01:24:33,802 --> 01:24:35,169
Featherweight!
1805
01:24:35,170 --> 01:24:37,639
Somebody better call
an exorcist!
1806
01:24:38,240 --> 01:24:43,077
Sherman! Sherman!
You can't beat me!
1807
01:24:43,078 --> 01:24:44,807
This is some scary shit!
1808
01:24:45,080 --> 01:24:46,946
(GRUNTING)
1809
01:24:49,418 --> 01:24:53,013
Yes, l can!
1810
01:24:53,355 --> 01:24:55,517
(ALARM BEEPING)
1811
01:24:58,226 --> 01:24:59,994
Sherman, come back here!
Sherman!
1812
01:24:59,995 --> 01:25:01,195
What's happening to me?
1813
01:25:01,196 --> 01:25:05,499
Everything's getting
real dark! Oh!
l feel real jiggly!
1814
01:25:05,500 --> 01:25:07,935
(PANTING) l'm blubbifying!
Sherman!
1815
01:25:07,936 --> 01:25:12,506
You need me!
l taught you to be confident!
You needed me, Sherman!
1816
01:25:12,507 --> 01:25:15,242
Sherman! No matter what!
1817
01:25:15,243 --> 01:25:20,204
No matter what,
you got to strut.
1818
01:25:21,717 --> 01:25:22,950
(CROWD GASPS)
1819
01:25:22,951 --> 01:25:24,146
(SIGHS)
1820
01:25:26,621 --> 01:25:28,055
(CROWD MOANING)
1821
01:25:30,258 --> 01:25:33,751
l ain't gonna be picking up
your big ass all night, Anna.
Shit.
1822
01:25:38,900 --> 01:25:39,890
(GASPS)
1823
01:25:41,503 --> 01:25:42,570
Oh, my God.
1824
01:25:42,571 --> 01:25:43,868
Well, l'll be damned.
1825
01:25:54,616 --> 01:25:55,606
(EXHALES)
1826
01:25:56,184 --> 01:25:59,711
lf you give me a moment,
l believe
l can try to explain.
1827
01:26:02,591 --> 01:26:04,892
My research is...
1828
01:26:04,893 --> 01:26:08,229
Well, when l started out l...
1829
01:26:08,230 --> 01:26:10,596
l wanted to help people.
1830
01:26:11,099 --> 01:26:13,591
But l became desperate
and selfish.
1831
01:26:15,570 --> 01:26:17,368
What l did was wrong.
1832
01:26:21,043 --> 01:26:24,478
Buddy's who l thought
the whole world
wanted me to be.
1833
01:26:24,479 --> 01:26:26,948
He's who l thought
l wanted to be.
1834
01:26:28,450 --> 01:26:32,586
And sometimes
when you want something
so, so bad,
1835
01:26:32,587 --> 01:26:35,182
you do just about anything
to get it.
1836
01:26:40,462 --> 01:26:43,597
But l learned one thing
from Buddy.
1837
01:26:43,598 --> 01:26:46,434
l learned
that life is not about
1838
01:26:46,435 --> 01:26:48,769
being happy
about how much you weigh,
1839
01:26:48,770 --> 01:26:51,171
but just being happy
with yourself.
1840
01:26:54,109 --> 01:26:55,543
l'm terribly sorry
about all this.
1841
01:26:55,544 --> 01:26:58,279
l hope l haven't ruined
everybody's evening.
1842
01:26:58,280 --> 01:26:59,941
Please excuse me.
1843
01:27:01,049 --> 01:27:02,380
(WHISPERING) l'm sorry.
1844
01:27:18,100 --> 01:27:20,634
Sherman!
1845
01:27:20,635 --> 01:27:22,703
Sherman!
1846
01:27:22,704 --> 01:27:24,604
Sherman, wait a minute.
1847
01:27:28,410 --> 01:27:30,945
Sherman,
why did you lie to me?
1848
01:27:30,946 --> 01:27:33,714
Why didn't you say anything?
1849
01:27:33,715 --> 01:27:36,350
l didn't think you'd have me.
1850
01:27:36,351 --> 01:27:39,082
l mean,
the fact of the matter is
l'm a big man.
1851
01:27:39,488 --> 01:27:43,657
Now, l will lose weight,
but l'm always gonna be big
no matter what l do.
1852
01:27:43,658 --> 01:27:48,255
So, anybody l wind up with
is just going to have to
accept me for who l am.
1853
01:27:48,930 --> 01:27:53,663
And more important,
l'm just going to have to
accept myself for who l am.
1854
01:27:56,004 --> 01:27:57,938
Sherman,
1855
01:27:58,340 --> 01:28:00,467
l don't have a date tonight.
1856
01:28:03,478 --> 01:28:05,811
Would you like to dance
with me?
1857
01:28:09,818 --> 01:28:11,385
(SOFT CHUCKLE)
1858
01:28:11,386 --> 01:28:12,581
JASON: Professor,
1859
01:28:13,989 --> 01:28:16,219
l thought you might need this.
1860
01:28:16,825 --> 01:28:17,815
(CHUCKLES)
1861
01:28:19,561 --> 01:28:22,363
(CHUCKLING) Yeah, l guess
l tore this one up, huh?
1862
01:28:22,364 --> 01:28:23,593
(LAUGHING)
1863
01:28:36,111 --> 01:28:38,812
You know one thing
l couldn't stand
about that Buddy?
1864
01:28:38,813 --> 01:28:41,182
What's that?
He was too damn scrawny.
1865
01:28:41,183 --> 01:28:42,483
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
1866
01:28:42,484 --> 01:28:45,647
Okay, Professor! Looking good!
1867
01:28:46,688 --> 01:28:49,924
Have l mentioned we also have
a terrific English Department?
1868
01:28:49,925 --> 01:28:51,959
l'm giving him the grant.
What?
1869
01:28:51,960 --> 01:28:54,195
l hate to admit it,
but you're absolutely right.
1870
01:28:54,196 --> 01:28:57,965
He's a brilliant scientist
and a gentleman as well.
1871
01:28:57,966 --> 01:28:59,700
Well, l told you!
1872
01:28:59,701 --> 01:29:00,835
HARTLEY: Will you shut up!
1873
01:29:00,836 --> 01:29:02,235
l'm fine with that.
1874
01:29:05,340 --> 01:29:10,444
Oh, Sherman, Sherman,
Sherman, Sherman, Sherman,
Sherman, Sherman!
1875
01:29:10,445 --> 01:29:13,414
(LAUGHING)
Light as a feather tonight.
Come on, bump me.
1876
01:29:13,415 --> 01:29:14,782
Yeah!
1877
01:29:14,783 --> 01:29:15,883
(GASPS)
1878
01:29:15,884 --> 01:29:19,343
Oh, oh, my goodness!
l'm so sorry. l'm sorry.
1879
01:29:19,654 --> 01:29:21,121
You didn't hurt yourself,
did you?
1880
01:29:21,122 --> 01:29:22,590
(CHUCKLES) l'm fine.
1881
01:29:22,591 --> 01:29:24,320
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1882
01:29:26,895 --> 01:29:28,062
Yeah!
1883
01:29:28,063 --> 01:29:29,587
Fabulous!
1884
01:29:35,570 --> 01:29:37,504
(MACHO MAN PLAYING)
1885
01:29:39,407 --> 01:29:42,076
(FARTING)
Oh, my Lord!
1886
01:29:42,077 --> 01:29:43,977
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1887
01:29:45,580 --> 01:29:48,015
(LAUGHING) Don't start.
Do it again.
1888
01:29:48,016 --> 01:29:51,352
Go on, fart! l hope
your asshole fall out...
1889
01:29:51,353 --> 01:29:52,877
(LAUGHING)
1890
01:29:53,755 --> 01:29:57,291
l thought it just was...
l thought a colonic
was a massage.
1891
01:29:57,292 --> 01:29:58,592
(LAUGHING)
1892
01:29:58,593 --> 01:30:00,186
(CREW LAUGHING)
1893
01:30:01,096 --> 01:30:03,664
For only research, and...
1894
01:30:03,665 --> 01:30:04,765
(LAUGHING)
1895
01:30:04,766 --> 01:30:08,135
(CREW LAUGHING)
What? What film is this?
1896
01:30:08,136 --> 01:30:09,303
Your research.
1897
01:30:09,304 --> 01:30:10,704
Get back in there!
1898
01:30:10,705 --> 01:30:14,575
(LAUGHING)
We ain't ready for you yet.
Now what were you saying?
1899
01:30:14,576 --> 01:30:16,043
Hold on a minute.
Let me go deal with my girl.
1900
01:30:16,044 --> 01:30:17,778
What's wrong with y'all?
1901
01:30:17,779 --> 01:30:20,114
Professor Klump,
the cages, what happened?
1902
01:30:20,115 --> 01:30:22,549
They can't see me
with your head there.
1903
01:30:22,550 --> 01:30:23,918
(CREW LAUGHING)
1904
01:30:23,919 --> 01:30:26,752
l made a fart last week.
1905
01:30:26,955 --> 01:30:30,090
lt smelled so bad
it had a chain
hanging from it.
1906
01:30:30,091 --> 01:30:31,158
(LAUGHING)
1907
01:30:31,159 --> 01:30:33,059
(CREW LAUGHING)
1908
01:30:38,900 --> 01:30:41,201
(MUFFLED) l can't talk.
1909
01:30:41,202 --> 01:30:42,795
(CREW LAUGHING)
1910
01:30:44,940 --> 01:30:46,498
(CREW LAUGHING)
1911
01:30:48,877 --> 01:30:51,745
l seen Sherman
get so hungry once
when he was young,
1912
01:30:51,746 --> 01:30:53,914
he beat up a grown man.
1913
01:30:53,915 --> 01:30:55,576
(CREW LAUGHING)
1914
01:30:56,251 --> 01:30:57,685
l'm sorry.
1915
01:30:57,686 --> 01:30:59,085
(LAUGHING)
1916
01:31:00,488 --> 01:31:04,725
l'm freaking out over here
'cause Eddie's over here
saying some wild crap.
1917
01:31:04,726 --> 01:31:05,926
Do you...
1918
01:31:05,927 --> 01:31:07,258
(LAUGHING)
1919
01:31:08,330 --> 01:31:09,396
(FARTING)
1920
01:31:09,397 --> 01:31:11,532
(LAUGHING) Oh!
You're supposed to say,
"Excuse me."
1921
01:31:11,533 --> 01:31:12,599
(FARTING)
1922
01:31:12,600 --> 01:31:16,036
Oh! Oh, baby, you...
1923
01:31:16,037 --> 01:31:17,368
(LAUGHING)
1924
01:31:18,273 --> 01:31:22,509
(LAUGHING)
Hey, little Hercules,
you want some more coleslaw?
1925
01:31:22,510 --> 01:31:24,035
(CREW LAUGHING)
1926
01:31:25,613 --> 01:31:28,382
Come on, Cletus. Come on.
No (BEEP) it... Come on.
1927
01:31:28,383 --> 01:31:31,752
Come on, Cletus. Come on.
Come on, Cletus.
1928
01:31:31,753 --> 01:31:34,588
Come on. Come on, Cletus!
1929
01:31:34,589 --> 01:31:35,856
(CREW LAUGHING)
1930
01:31:35,857 --> 01:31:39,193
Come on! Come on, Cletus. No.
1931
01:31:39,194 --> 01:31:42,062
Come on, come on.
No (BEEP) it... Come on.
1932
01:31:42,063 --> 01:31:45,532
Come on, come on, come on,
let's do this.
1933
01:31:45,533 --> 01:31:46,800
Let's do this!
1934
01:31:46,801 --> 01:31:48,133
(LAUGHING)
1935
01:31:51,373 --> 01:31:54,308
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hey, hey
1936
01:31:54,309 --> 01:31:56,577
Ooo
1937
01:31:56,578 --> 01:31:57,911
Oh
1938
01:31:57,912 --> 01:32:00,438
Yeah, hey, hey, yeah
1939
01:32:03,418 --> 01:32:07,184
Boy, you got a lot to learn
about love
1940
01:32:08,390 --> 01:32:13,394
You just gotta get down
with the right equation
1941
01:32:13,395 --> 01:32:16,930
Put down that book
and see what you're missing
1942
01:32:16,931 --> 01:32:18,298
Missing
1943
01:32:18,299 --> 01:32:20,033
Come and get your A
1944
01:32:20,034 --> 01:32:21,635
Come and get it,
come and get it
1945
01:32:21,636 --> 01:32:23,170
Come and get it,
come and get it,
come and get it
1946
01:32:23,171 --> 01:32:24,271
Ooo
1947
01:32:24,272 --> 01:32:25,706
Homework
1948
01:32:25,707 --> 01:32:27,775
Something that you got to do
1949
01:32:27,776 --> 01:32:30,644
lt's a school rule
1950
01:32:30,645 --> 01:32:33,881
And you know
you got to go through
1951
01:32:33,882 --> 01:32:39,153
First grade
before you get to graduation
1952
01:32:39,154 --> 01:32:40,654
Homework
1953
01:32:40,655 --> 01:32:44,158
Welcome to your education
1954
01:32:44,159 --> 01:32:45,592
Homework
1955
01:32:45,593 --> 01:32:48,862
Learn a little every day
1956
01:32:48,863 --> 01:32:50,397
Homework
1957
01:32:50,398 --> 01:32:52,867
Know a little every day
1958
01:33:03,044 --> 01:33:04,812
Another Friday night
1959
01:33:04,813 --> 01:33:07,114
Another honey
sitting in my ride
1960
01:33:07,115 --> 01:33:09,883
Another lyrical favor
from your sexy neighbor
1961
01:33:09,884 --> 01:33:12,319
Make you wave your hands
from side to side
1962
01:33:12,320 --> 01:33:14,121
ln '95 we did it
1963
01:33:14,122 --> 01:33:16,723
But this year
l bring a new twist
1964
01:33:16,724 --> 01:33:19,693
You see, l'm hear to announce
this song of a bounce
1965
01:33:19,694 --> 01:33:22,763
So everybody bounce 2 this
1966
01:33:22,764 --> 01:33:24,698
lt's so right
lt's so right
1967
01:33:24,699 --> 01:33:26,300
lt's so nice
1968
01:33:26,301 --> 01:33:29,636
l tell you, it'll make you
wanna bounce 2 this
1969
01:33:29,637 --> 01:33:31,472
Bounce 2 this, bounce 2 this
1970
01:33:31,473 --> 01:33:33,073
Yeah, it's so right
1971
01:33:33,074 --> 01:33:34,842
lt's so nice
lt's so nice
1972
01:33:34,843 --> 01:33:36,009
lt's so nice
1973
01:33:36,010 --> 01:33:39,079
l tell you it'll make you
wanna bounce 2 this
1974
01:33:39,080 --> 01:33:41,048
Bounce 2 this, bounce 2 this
1975
01:33:41,049 --> 01:33:42,716
Yeah, it's so right
1976
01:33:42,717 --> 01:33:44,118
Bounce 2 this, bounce 2 this
1977
01:33:44,119 --> 01:33:45,586
Come on, baby
1978
01:33:45,587 --> 01:33:48,388
New York, bounce 2 this
1979
01:33:48,389 --> 01:33:49,490
Come on, now
1980
01:33:49,491 --> 01:33:50,858
Yeah, bounce 2 this
1981
01:33:50,859 --> 01:33:52,926
Atlanta, bounce 2 this
Yeah
1982
01:33:52,927 --> 01:33:55,195
Come on, baby, bounce 2 this
1983
01:33:55,196 --> 01:33:57,030
D.C with a go-go
1984
01:33:57,031 --> 01:33:58,332
Bounce 2 this
1985
01:33:58,333 --> 01:34:00,033
You know l mean it
Bounce 2 this
1986
01:34:00,034 --> 01:34:01,335
lt's all right
1987
01:34:01,336 --> 01:34:04,838
l been to parties
across the USA
1988
01:34:04,839 --> 01:34:09,643
l've been to other countries
and l made those people say
1989
01:34:09,644 --> 01:34:14,448
For dinner,
oh, my cup is finally low
1990
01:34:14,449 --> 01:34:17,584
So pass the yellow Z
and hold on now
1991
01:34:17,585 --> 01:34:20,020
Ladies, help me sing it
1992
01:34:20,021 --> 01:34:24,024
WOMEN: l wanna party
across the USA
1993
01:34:24,025 --> 01:34:25,359
You go, sugar
1994
01:34:25,360 --> 01:34:28,896
l've been to other countries
and l heard those people say
1995
01:34:28,897 --> 01:34:31,665
For dinner
1996
01:34:31,666 --> 01:34:34,001
My cup was running low
1997
01:34:34,002 --> 01:34:36,803
Now pass the yellow Z
and let the music play
1998
01:34:36,804 --> 01:34:39,573
And act like you know
it's all right
1999
01:34:39,574 --> 01:34:40,707
lt's all right
2000
01:34:40,708 --> 01:34:42,109
lt's so nice
2001
01:34:42,110 --> 01:34:43,277
lt's so nice
2002
01:34:43,278 --> 01:34:46,413
And l'll make you
wanna bounce 2 this
2003
01:34:46,414 --> 01:34:48,282
Bounce 2 this, bounce 2 this
2004
01:34:48,283 --> 01:34:49,383
l can tell
2005
01:34:49,384 --> 01:34:50,484
lt's so nice
2006
01:34:50,485 --> 01:34:51,785
You wanna boogie
2007
01:34:51,786 --> 01:34:52,853
lt's so nice
2008
01:34:52,854 --> 01:34:58,091
l can tell
you wanna boogie, baby
2009
01:34:58,092 --> 01:34:59,226
With Montell you wanna boogie
2010
01:34:59,227 --> 01:35:00,217
lt's so nice
147600
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