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For 400 years, Yu Putuan remains

the best of the top 3 banned books

with its depictions of carnal desires

There lived a monk in the Yuan Dynasty

who always carried a sack

Known as the Sack Monk

he was well versed in Buddhist sutra

A scholar nicknamed Wei Yang Sheng

Was licentious by nature

He considered celibacy unnatural

When he consulted the Sack Monk

They got into a heated argument

and parted on a sour note

Sir

Consider your current life

If you screw someone's wife or daughter

Someone will screw yours

You'll get instant retribution

I thought with your eminence

You must be very insightful

I'm disappointed with such triteness

If there's retribution for carnal intercourse

What if I have no wife or daughter?

Where does retribution come in?

How about a man with few womenfolk

who screws many women

Even if his kin were screwed

He'd still come out ahead!

The groom kowtows to his father-in-law

The groom offers tea

We must tease the bride

Yes! We must!

Let's have a toast for the bride

You must drink up!

Drink up!

We're leaving!

Get out!

Do you know my nickname

is Mister Iron Gate?

Because I'm strict with my family

I clamp down hard on them like a gate

I let you be my son-in-law, because of your learning

Whether you travel or be an official

You have nothing to worry about

This is precisely the reason

With you watching his wife

he won't get retribution!

Sex is the most pleasurable thing

It'll hurt the first time

But I'll be gentle

You'll learn to enjoy it

Sex is the most shameful thing

Since it is stipulated by etiquette

I will perform my duty

But I know it'll hurt

please hurry and spare me the agony!

This is anaesthetic

Put some on for me to ease the pain

This is pain killer

Give me some afterwards

I'm ready!

Hurry! What are you doing?

Don't rush me! I'm not ready!

Why not? Just stick it inside!

Alright, as you wish...

It hurts!

Why did you kick me?

Give me the pain killer, hurry!

I'm not done yet!

I've done my part

I don't care if you're not finished!

But you're not even bleeding!

Says who? There's blood everywhere!

Why is there so much blood?

There's blood on my ring!

You must have cut your dick with it!

I'm going to pass out...

My pain killer

Give me the pain killer

I told you this is filthy

This is a genuine Zhao Meng Fu!

Read it after fasting and ablution

This is disgusting!

It's passed down from our forefathers

depicting the process of copulation

it's no big deal!

Don't...

Quit the act...

You used to hate sex

Last night you wouldn't let go of me!

I want...

You're so naughty!

Don't laugh at me!

No!

Wonderful!

You're the famous cat burglar Sai Kunlun?

Pardon me...

I'm an honorable man

I pick my targets carefully

Not the poor

Not those holding a funeral

Not those hosting a banquet

Not those I've stolen from before

No one I know

Strangers want to get to know me

Or fawn upon me

it's hard to find a target these days

Now we've become like old friends

I don't mind telling you the truth

I'm supposed to pursue my studies

But I'm actually courting women

Since you can break into anyone's house

You can help me find my prey

Damn! I'm late! Bye!

I really want to come with you!

He's weird!

Did he pick your pocket?

It's here!

Is it empty?

No, but he left me stones!

I found your target!

Big enough tits for you?

Yes! Keep up the good work!

Miss...

Are you alright?

Miss...did you drop this?

- No! - Take another look!

Shame on you!

Here's your money and 10% interest

Master Sai...

With your ability

you can help me with women

Help me break into their chambers

If you help make my wish come true

I'm willing to pay you generously

It's risky to seduce someone's wife

You may succeed initially

But you'll eventually get dumped

With my looks and talents?

If you really want me to help you

tell me how big is your dick?

About this...

When you screw a woman

can you last half a joss stick?

No problem!

With aphrodisiac, I can last longer!

There's a silk shop in the west end

The owner's wife is your cup of tea

Go take a look!

Just to look?

- Maybe there's action! - Great!

What was that noise?

I tripped and fell down!

Did you rip the fabric?

No!

No?

No!

- Eat! - Sure!

Why is there no fish tonight?

There's none in the market!

Not one fish in the entire market?

No! Just not the kind you like!

Speak clearly!

Listen carefully before you answer me!

Did you rip the fabric when you fell?

Yes!

Then you deserve a beating!

I never said I won't do it!

I just want to eat first!

Are you done?

Yes, thanks!

Get over here!

Come here!

Hurry!

What are you doing?

Let you broaden your horizon!

Her husband can last 3 joss sticks!

But you can only last half a joss stick

Look how big his dick is!

You may brag all you want

But yours is tiny

it's best used as a tooth pick!

This is for over estimating your ability

in seducing someone else's wife!

This is for your stupidity

I'm not a lecher

Yet you want me help you

Do you think I'm a pimp?

You're right about slapping me

But I still need your help!

You have character!

Unless your dick is long like a horse's

Master Sai...

We've been apart for a month

I feel lonely and sad

I miss your hugs, kisses, screws

My vagina feels itchy like bugs bite

Do you know how this letter is written?

It is written with ink

mixed with my secretion

Get me a knife!

Why am I plagued with such a small dick?

How I crave for a few more inches!

You gave me looks and talents

But you screwed me on the vital part!

Damn! I'll cut you off!

No, master! Don't!

- Go away! - Don't

Blood! My God!

Did it come off?

Not quite, why?

Why what?

Why is yours bigger than mine?

Vvhy?

I don't know! Ask my mom!

- No, Master! - I'm asking you why?

What's gong on?

See for yourself!

Closed! Doctor Ye on vacation

I'm dead!

I'm dead!

Specialized in broken limbs

Tian Can Zi is open for business

I'm looking for Tian Can Zi

- Please tell me... - Say no more!

The wound is caused by a blunt knife

about 2 joss sticks' time ago!

You out the vein, not the arteries

I can cure you now

You'll recover in 15 days, 20 taels in advance

You have incredible skills

It's such an eye opener

Coaptation is my family trade for 7 generations

Until my father

with a stroke of luck

found part of Hua Tuo's manual

and learnt about surgery

I've studied my father's work

and branched out into transplants

especially for sexual organs

Transplanting an animal organ to human

And make them man enough

I'll be rich and famous

Have you succeeded?

I have mastered the basic techniques

- Please give me a dog's dick! - All right!

Quiet!

I don't mean you!

Yours is too small, I won't use it!

What about an elephant?

That's too big!

It'll be like having 3 legs!

How about a horse?

Sai Kunlun promised to help

if my dick is long like a horse's!

Get me a horse's dick!

A scholar should not talk like that

Pardon me!

You must hurry if you need a transplant

I'll be leaving in a few days

By then, it'll be too late!

Burn some joss sticks!

May Master Hua Tuo watch over us

Bless us with a successful operation!

Please undress!

It better not rain tonight

We'll start around 3 a.m.

Why wait till then?

All sexual organs, human or beast

are most excitable before dawn!

If we operate at this hour

we'll get the best result!

Horses get excited when they see red

Here we go!

This is the anaesthetic

After you drink it

You'll feel nothing below the waist

Give the wine to the horse!

I said give this to the horse!

Why wine and not anaesthetic?

Anaesthetics have no effect on horses

We'll intoxicate it with wine!

Leave the last gulp!

What is this?

I learnt this from foreign books

it's called a guillotine

I made a small one for this operation

Quite an investment. Let me show you!

Not bad?

It shrunk!

Don't be scared!

I'm not!

I just saw a rat!

I'm afraid of rats!

- I'm afraid of the rain! - Why

On a rainy night when I was little

I saw with my own eyes

my mom raped and killed

Since then, on rainy nights

Especially with thunder and lightning

I'll get extremely emotional...

Doctor...

it'll be dawn soon

Hold this, kid!

Put the bottle over there

We start before the first joss stick burns out

Or else it'll be useless

What about the second one?

We must wrap up before, the second one goes out

Why the long face?

Cheer up! Relax!

I'm as relaxed as I possibly can

Good! Let's do it!

I've out it off

and stopped the bleeding

- Is it done? - Yes! Does it hurt

No!

You're useless, kid!

Get up, you coward!

What is it?

Nothing!

What's going on?

Just continue!

He's still sober after the whole jug!

He can certainly hold his liquor!

Damn! We're running out of time!

The horse is sober

Let's do this instead

I'll put yours back

And do it again later?

No!

It's a one-off deal!

I won't let you!

I told you we don't have time!

You may die from the inflammation!

Doggie, don't take that!

Doggie!

Give me back my dick!

Don't!

Give that back to me!

No! Give it back...

Well? Did you get it?

I got it back

But this is all that's left!

I have no choice

We'll use the kid's dick!

What about me?

Be a eunuch, what else?

Forget it! I have human rights too!

You're sold as a page boy

You have no rights

Human rights mean only food and clothes

Not the right to keep your dick!

- No! - Take it out!

- No! - Come back here!

No! I only have a small one

Just the same

Hurry and fetch the basin!

Ready...

Doctor...

What now?

Get up!

Get to work, kid!

Let me help you!

- Damn! - What now?

Why can't I move?

I broke the jar of anaesthetic

and poured it all over you!

Fetch me that bottle of licorice root

Bring the basin as well!

Pour it on my hands!

Well?

Nothing!

Can't move!

That's trouble!

Can't move!

How long does it take?

At least half a joss stick's time

The joss stick is burning out!

No! I'm doomed!

Destiny!

You can move!

Master, he can move!

Stop! Don't strangle him!

Let go!

What kind of wine is this? Taste good!

The rain has stopped! Get back to work!

No sex in the next 100 days

or else you'll be impotent!

Buddy!

You sent for me

and challenged me to a duel

Here I am

I'll lend you my blade. Come on!

That's just an excuse to lure you here

I wish to repay your kindness!

Are you being sarcastic?

No! You're a man of your word

That's right!

When you lectured me

what was the last thing you said?

I'll give you a good beating

No!

Any tips?

Something to do with horses!

- Horse racing? - No!

Horse's dick! You have one?

Boy! Sound the gong!

Damn! You can't fool me with that rod!

It looks like a horse's dick

But that can't be real!

It's real!

There's a scar at the base

It also has a different skin color

How did you do it?

You have a discerning eye

This is a genuine horse dick

I met a surgeon who transplanted it!

You have guts, my friend!

I admire you...

Get it up! Show me!

No problem!

Give him a hand, kid!

Use your mouth!

You went through hell for this?

You're finished, pal!

I wish I can help!

It's useless!

Save your breath, kid!

Before it rots

you better cut if off!

Or else the poison will go to your heart

I can help you with that!

- Come on! - Wait...

Keep waving the blade

Are you kidding?

I feel something! Go on!

You get excited from waving the blade?

Yes!

Let's try...

Yes!

Go on!

Keep going! Don't stop!

My master never told me

this secret about the blade!

Can I help you?

I want white silk

Do you have any?

Yes! Have a seat!

This is not white enough

We have the whitest silk

I see! Compared to your hands

the silk is yellow!

Everything is a matter of matching

With your stunning beauty

In my opinion

You should marry someone with

my good looks and talents

If you marry a brute

who beats you and lets you go hungry

And makes you do strenuous work

until your fingers bleed

that would be like...

A flower on a pile of cow dung

Just like your vulgar husband

You bastard!

I'll kill you!

I'm come see you again!

Come back!

Damn it! Are you blind?

You stepped on my foot!

Do you own the street?

Sorry! it's my fault!

I didn't see you! Sorry!

Get lost!

It hurts!

I'll be gone for 10 days

If I find you with another man, I'll wring your head off!

I don't trust her

Come in

You have left an indelible impression

"l feel bad about your beating by that vulgar man"

I'm sending you medicine

It is quite effective

I'll drop by at midnight tonight

with food and wine

We can bare our souls

and recite poetry

Yours sincerely...

Have pity on my Iovesickness

I'm a virtuous woman

I'm not that casual

I bear gifts for you

as well as food and wine

All I ask is a drink and a chat

No!I can%

I can't believe this is a coincidence!

See for yourself!

My husband has the key

This is my friend Sai Kunlun

He's a famous locksmith

This is delicious!

Put it down!

Go away!

You helped this lecher seduce my wife

and made me a cuckold!

I've become a laughing stock

I can't beat you

But have a heart!

I'll fight back if you corner me!

Now in front of my friends and relatives

We must resolve this

I don't want any trouble

Have him give me 100 taels of silver

I'll sell him my wife

And I'll leave here for good!

If you won't do this

You might as well kill me!

- Damn! - Spineless wretch!

I'm resuming my post in the capital

I won't have leave for at least 6 months

I don't mind if you serve the Emperor

You better not go whoring!

Is that what you think of me?

You contracted gonorrhea last time

and lied about it!

You played me for a fool!

I made this for you

Wear it if you go whoring

I'll kill you if you contract anything

This size doesn't fit!

This is tailor made for you

it'll fit your dick!

It's not that crooked!

I know you're bisexual

I really don't understand

How can your husband satisfy you?

Is his dick crooked?

Whip me!

What were you doing with the pen?

Painting!

You paint lying down?

What's this garbage?

It's secretion

I mean...it's ink and wash

Ink and wash?

What's so secretive?

Why close all the windows?

Pornographic painting!

This is outrageous!

What have I taught you?

You read this trash

while you write this filth?

Master!

Where have you been?

I brought Wang Qi to meet the mistress

Really?

Master

This is the young mistress

Hello!

Wang Qi is the new gardener

You're not allowed inside the chamber

Or I'll have you locked up!

Yes, sir!

- Get back to work! - Yes!

Kneel down!

Read Zhu Zhi's Four Books on discipline

Don't get up until you memorized it!

You!

You should have told me about her

Put out your hand!

The other one!

You'll have to kneel too!

Madam

What is it?

Your cousin is barging in

I'm unable to stop her!

Hide...

Over here!

Help me!

Take out the calligraphy and painting

Hurry...

You haven't visited me for a long time

Your husband is away, are you lonely?

Why are these on the bed?

I want to dry them under the sun

So the trunk is empty

There are stones inside

We agreed to stick together through thick and thin

Yes!

If you have something good

Should you share it with me?

Yes!

Did you come across a giant dick?

I don't know what you're talking about

He left last night

You're too late!

What kind of juice is this?

It's still warm

Wait on him

Where am I?

This room is connected to

Rui Zhu's room next door

Our mistress is Hua Chen

She's Rui Zhu's cousin

She became a widow after 2 years

There's a rumor going on

our master died from over indulgence

in sexual pleasures! That's not true!

As I know more about life

and my husband is on the road

My loneliness becomes unbearable

I had an affair with Wang Qi

And is now bearing his child

I'm ashamed to see you

So I must leave you

I'll pray to Heaven

And wish for your health and longevity

Your unfilial daughter, Yu Xiang

Have some tea

I hired a palanquin for you

So the trip won't be too difficult

Be careful, don't make it too bumpy!

What are you doing?

Help me! Wang Qi!

Wang Qi, help!

Where are you, Wang Qi?

Let me go!

Who are you? What are you doing?

I'm Gu Xian Niang

Your husband sold you to our brothel

Here's the contract

Don't! I'm pregnant!

Precisely because you're pregnant

The herbal tea you took

is to induce an abortion!

The massage

is to help you abort the baby!

No! Let me go! Help!

Your Majesty, the rebels are in pursuit

The tyrant Wei Yang Sheng

raped women

and massacred common people

By virtue of the mandate from Heaven

the tyrant is sentenced to

torture and rape until death

No! This is too crazy!

Tyrant!

You took a horse's dick

The mare will be reunited with its mate

No! Help!

You only focus on 2 points

and 4 positions

First, write with your vagina

regardless of the size of the words

they must appear to be written by hand

This will train your vagina

and your waist

Second, practice with your tongue

taste the gall

If you can tolerate the bitterness

YOU Can OVSFCOITIG

the odor from any body parts

During this process

your abdomen will contract

This is a good practice

When you accomplish all this

You can revive your patrons

Help them feel like a man again!

If you possess this unique skill

You'll be the top prostitute

Watch your step

I can see

I'm not blind

Be careful!

They want me to give you this!

My husband's sudden return

forces me to part with you

I miss you

I'm losing appetite and sleep

My husband tells me

There's a famous doctor

who can revive any man!

Cure your imperial dick

And when my husband leaves

We can copulate again

My cousin has prepared a surprise

Your lover, Rui Zhu

We'll visit the capital

Would you like to come?

I can't!

A constable by the name of Iron Hand

has come after me

I must stay and challenge him to a duel

What does the sign say?

Chamber of Revolving Heaven

Please come in, Master Cai

Please sit down!

Take your time!

Here comes the doctor!

This is Master Cai from Kaifeng

How are you?

We'll help you undress!

Let the doctor examine you!

He can't be my husband, he's too big!

Well? How am I?

You have a great gift

But your over indulgence

has resulted in kidney failure

I can cure you with medicine

You'll be well in no time

She sounds like my wife

This doesn't work!

You have something incredible

it's responding to my treatment

But not quite

If you wear a red scarf and try again

I guarantee it'll work

Red scarf?

This is a transplant

It used to be...

...tiny, right?

How do you know?

Just a wild guess!

It's you!

I knew when I grabbed your tits

In this world

Only my wife has a petite body

and tits the size of water melons

You bitch! I taught you the techniques

Now you're using them

as a prostitute!

Don't!

Don't!

Come back!

Come back!

Sir!

Come back!

- Sir! - Come out, bitch

No!

Come on out!

I'll strip you

Parade you through the streets in a cage

And bring shame to your moralist father

Who are you?

How dare you start trouble here?

The commander is my patron

She's my wife

I'll sue you for kidnapping

Move away!

Qiu Yan, don't worry!

Break in!

Qiu Yan...you silly girl!

Bring me a stool...let her down

She's dead...

You're in trouble!

I know my mistakes now, Master

I believe in retribution

I've done many evil deeds

I lost my hands in the duel

I must go in hiding

I know my mistakes

You have returned

Please let me stay here

You'll be tonsured and named Wanshi

Please take me in as well

Face the wall and meditate

Summon Kumeng

Have you made peace?

Whenever I close my eyes

I see Yu Xiang's baby

coming at me for revenge

Wanshi, turn around

Do you know each other?

Today you get retribution for yesterday's crimes

Tomorrow, you get retribution for today's crimes

Love and hate perpetuate retribution

Set aside your hatred, be your true self

Understand?

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