All language subtitles for Doom.Patrol.S01E15.720p.WEBRip.X264-METCON(1)

- Can you hear me, Mr. Morden?
- Yes.

Cue the recap!
Paraguay vacay made me this way.

A harbinger of chaos brought
to make this geezer pay.

I strung along the Dumb Patrol,
flipped the bus into a hole,

slammed it shut. Wait, what?
Stuffed it up a donkey's butt!

- Any sign of the Chief?
- We know he's alive.

A team was
forged with one belief,

to stop at nothing
and get their Chief.

Nazi-beating,
doomsday-cheating,

beard hair-eating,
romance-hating,

punk to skunk, robot chunk,

flashback dancing with a hunk,

gator-baiting,
half chub-dating,

sliming through
a metal grating,

death cult all around,
Jane survived the Underground,

Ant Farm, Larry harmed,
delivering justice with a swarm.

- No!
- Father-doting,

hand-exploding, pain obscured
through secret coding.

Growing close
with each endeavor,

finally they came together.

But I grew bored

with this game of chase

and trapped them inside
the white space.

Backed their leader
against the wall,

forcing him to spill it all.

I was responsible
for everything

that has happened
to each of you.

This is
the best timeline ever!

Why?

I needed you.

I wanted...

what you have.

Immortality.

What?

I wanted to...

I needed to...

Motherfucker!

I'm so sorry.

Liar.

You lied to Jane.

You lied to all of us.

Please let them go.

What do you take me for, Niles?

This was never about them.

Making Silly Putty
out of their fragile,

fractured brains,

well, that...

that was all just

extra-curricular.

Consider them
abandoned conquests.

Their future is their own now.

God, I wonder what
they'll do with it. Hmm?

What does a family do
when they realize

they're no family at all?
They're just rats

in neighboring cages.

They're just petri dishes
on the same shelf.

You know,
I huffed and I puffed,

but it was you all along,
wasn't it, Niles?

You destroyed them!

Just like you destroyed
Eric Morden.

So you've had your revenge.

What now?

Why,
sky's the limit, old friend.

I'm going to conduct a parade,
I'm gonna guest-host The View,

I'm gonna become
the next Bachelor!

The world is a golden oyster
for me now.

But for you,

Niles Caulder,

I envision a story
that's a little different.

I've been waiting decades
to ask you this.

How does it feel
to be a nobody?

Security to
Containment Block Seven.

All security to
Containment Block Seven.

- Good morning, Joshua.
- Bureau astronomers have

confirmed your calculations.

Next week's X-15 test flight
is our clearest shot yet

to intercept the space anomaly.

- Very good then.
- Meaning, after we knock

this pilot from the sky...

His name is
Larry Trainor by the way,

Captain Larry Trainor,
wife, two kids.

...after we expose him
to unknown space matter,

after we potentially burn
and radiate him

beyond the known limits
of human capacity,

then we're gonna
hand him over to Forsythe

and his animals? For what?

And Forsythe will
grow bored with his new toy,

and then he'll be ours.
Hopefully forever.

The Immortus Project
is working.

Rita Farr has shown
zero signs of aging since 1955.

We already have
a perfectly good test subject.

Now we'll have two.

Where's the line, Niles?

'Cause I can't see it anymore.

The only thing that should
trouble you, Joshua,

is the alternative.

Except I don't know
what the alternative is.

The only way I sleep
at night is because...

you tell me nothing.

You're right.
And you're welcome.

Oh, God.

- Good morning, Larry.
- Apparently it is.

I've been looking forward
to this day all semester.

My students are finally
performing their scene studies,

and I can't wait
to see how they utilize

the techniques
that I've taught them.

I suspect I'll be
handing out a lot of A's.

Uh-huh.

It feels so good to give back
to the community.

We should've
done this ages ago.

- What?
- Move on.

Six months ago we learned
our lives had been destroyed

by a madman.
Excuse me if it takes

more than a moment
to get back my sea legs.

When we moved into this place,

we made a promise
to each other.

- I know, but...
- No more hiding.

I know.

- I'm trying.
- Mmm.

Okay.

What do you think?

You wanna try
for 20 seconds this time?

Negative Spirit, release!

Huh.

There you go, buddy.

We can do this.

We can do this.
We can...

Hit the bricks, sister.
We're... we're done. Finito.

You don't mean that, Kyle.

I know you better
than you know yourself.

You wanna pick me up
in those strong arms.

Cut. Cut.

Jagger, Esme,

you failed
to move your audience.

We didn't feel it
because you didn't feel it.

Mmm? Let me show
what it looks like

when you really connect
to your character.

And... action!

Hit the bricks, sister.

We're done. Finito.

You don't mean that, Kyle. Hmm?

I know you
better than you know yourself.

You wanna pick me up
in these strong arms

and devour me whole.

And scene.

And that, children,

is what serious dedication
to your craft gets you.

Being a shitty high school
drama teacher?

Wow. Dare to dream.

It's scary not to excel

at something we aspire
to do, isn't it, Esme?

I'm not excelling?

I can't think
of anything sadder

than some washed-up never-was

who gets their jollies off
out-acting a bunch of teenagers

who only took this class
for the easy A.

Larry!

Hurry up! You're missing
the booty song.

Do either of you two
want to buy Marvin Gardens?

Honestly,
I could use the cash.

Hmm. Larry! This is
absolutely unacceptable!

1976 is ending,

and you're stalling
like some truculent schoolboy.

Uh, now, I believe
it's your turn.

Ugh, I look ridiculous.

No.

Now, then, Rita,

that's not fair.

Oh, yeah, sure. Laugh it up.

All right. Keep playing.

And don't cheat.

- He's talking to you.
- Uh-huh.

Forsythe.

What the hell
are you doing here?

Wonderful home, Dr. Caulder.

And a happy New Year's Eve.

You need to leave.

Oh.

I'm afraid the matter at hand
is rather urgent.

What is it?

You know,

when the brass told me in '68
I'd be losing Captain Trainor

to your Immortus Initiative,

I have to say,
I couldn't have imagined

his new assignment would
be quite so...

cozy.

Mmm. Well, you have
your methods, I have mine.

The work we do here
is just as essential.

Yes.

I can see that now.

What is that song?

My daughter likes that one.

Cut the bullshit, Agent.

What's that?

Well, I believe
you once called it

the "unrelenting,

uncompromising pursuit
of truth."

Your signature is
required, Doctor.

Our investigators
have identified

your next test subject.

What are you talking about?
I... I never...

That request was made
over a decade ago.

And now we've found her.

Hispanic female,
multiple personality disorder.

By all accounts,
a real wildcat.

I think you'll agree

she fits perfectly the profile
you asked us to find.

Jane.

- Did you know?
- About what?

About what that sadistic fuck
did to us, you fucking...

No, no, no.

He promised!

Jane.

Jane.

Hey, it's okay.

He was going to cage us here.

Cage us like the rest of them.

Wasn't he?

Singing caged birdies

with pretty feathers
for the master to pluck!

It's okay.

It's okay.

Just tell me. Please.

I knew.

I can give you
the spiel, but...

the truth is, I was blind.

Willfully blind.

You need to make it go away.

- I know it's difficult...
- You don't know.

I keep having this dream.

I find a wound on my chest.

This old wound
that's scabbed over.

And I know
I shouldn't touch it,

but I keep reaching for it,

and I can't help but scratch.

And the wound gets bigger
and bigger

until there's
nothing of me left.

There's a drug.

An opiate.

For meta-human powers.

Niles created it.

Gave it to me
for safe keeping,

so he wouldn't be tempted.

It's not a fix or a cure.

It calms the noise,
it makes it more manageable,

but it doesn't discriminate.

Jane, it quiets everything.

The good and the bad.

In order to use it safely,

we'd have to stick
to a strict regimen.

I have to monitor
your dosage, vitals...

I'm sorry, Kay.

It's okay.

It feels better now.

- Niles?
- Huh?

Elinore? Elinore.

Thank you for coming.

This...

He's my last research subject.

He was a race car driver.

Father.

Husband.

I'm afraid all that...

This is hitting me
the hardest of all.

The crash was supposed
to be on the racetrack.

No one else was to get hurt.

No one what? What does that
mean, he was "supposed to"?

How would you know...

that a man is
supposed to crash?

It's all gone too far.

It's all gone too far, Elinore.

I used to think
I had no alternative.

That there wasn't
an alternative, but it's...

gone too far.

Niles...

I love you...

as a mentor and a friend.

And you are scaring

the ever-loving fuck
out of me right now.

I need to tell you something.

And I need you to promise

when it's finished

that you'll still be my friend.

Cliff! Your order's up.

Yo!

You know how much
I cared for Elinore.

She would have
wanted it this way.

For Victor to survive.

There's some comfort in that.

Cold comfort.

But thank you.

If I may...

one piece of advice.

If there's one thing
I've learned from my research,

Victor is going
to need special care.

No offense,

but we are not talking

about homeschooling
my son's recovery here.

S.T.A.R. Labs has it covered.

I'm not talking
about technology or facilities.

There's a holistic component
to be considered.

Patience. Empathy.

And I'm not capable
of giving it.

Is that what you're saying?

No, I'm... I just suggest...

You might be surprised

just how much of a tonic
compassion can be.

And exactly who do you think
you're fooling here?

Hmm? You talk
about compassion? Empathy?

Like you invented it?

I'm...

I was her husband.

And you don't think
she told me what you did?

You think you have any standing
to lecture me about family?

I just put
my son back together.

My son!

And you think that
you and I are the same?

You think what you did...

and what I did are the same?

This wasn't some experiment.

I turned my...

sweet, affable, athletic,

charming, delicious boy

into a freak of nature.

I did it out of love.

Why the hell
did you do it, Niles?

To those people?

You speak to me
about compassion?

Don't ever.

Don't you dare.

Who are you?

Me?

I'm you.

Hey, Dad.

You okay, son?

Fine. Um...

Just been up all night
working that bitcoin ring.

Well, you know,
if that cybercrime is

too dry for you, you can always
go back out into the field.

My time's better spent
taking down

international money launderers
than two-bit purse-snatchers.

- Don't you think?
- Um, of course.

Either way,

I'm proud of you.

I hope you know that.

Sure.

Look, I gotta get back to it.

Is there any sweeter feeling
than revenge?

That's an excellent question,
Whoopi, and...

I don't think that there is.

And the only thing
that I'm more sure of

is that it will never, ever,
ever go away!

"A convoluted, meandering plot
that ends in a whimper.

An impotent villain

with a cliche approach
to revenge"!

You know what, he's right.

He's totally right!

He's... he's totally right.

At long last,
I have found you!

No!

Be still, you fudger!
Be still, I say!

Did you just call me
a "fudger"?

Silence, recreant!
For this is my time.

I have waited centuries

for the rapture foretold
in the scripture.

Twice you have
brought us to its brink,

and twice you have failed.

Explain yourself!
I demand it!

Well, I was going
for more of a personal tale

of vengeance and betrayal.
You know...

emotional stakes.

Real premium cable shit.

So, you're not
an agent of the Lord?

No, there is no God.

If there was, I wouldn't be
so devoid of purpose.

Oh,
a crisis of faith!

This is why
Father has led me to you,

to set you back
on the path to His glory!

Path to glory?
Oh, I like the sound of that.

- To His glory.
- Yeah, that's what I said.

To glory.

Oh, but it's no use!

I have already completed
my life's masterwork

by turning everyone Niles
Caulder loves against him.

There isn't a person alive
that he can call friend.

No man, no woman...

Woman.

I want the truth.

Where is she?

It seems as though I left
some vengeance on the table.

I really gotta amp things up this
time, really make a show of force!

You need guys?

I know a rat who spent
an entire afternoon

exacting revenge on the robot
who killed his mother.

Admiral Whiskers?

I love that guy.

This is a splendid start.
Who else?

Hmm. You know what?

Let's start small. A trinity.

Hmm. Hmm, I like it.

I like it. A menage-a-us.

And we shall call ourselves The
Brotherhood of Dangerous Animals!

Hosanna!

Yes. It is tight,
Admiral Whiskers.

Yes! And vengeance
will be mine!

Again. For real this time.

And when we get
Niles Caulder... again,

the world will be ours!

Then
we shall destroy it!

Maybe.

If there's time.

Morning, dear.

We hit 20 seconds yesterday.

At least, I think we did.

I passed out at some point.
But it felt longer.

Bully for you.

Rough day at school?

I was emotionally assassinated
by a 13-year-old girl.

I'm not even sure
what we're doing here, Larry.

We're doing exactly what we
were doing back at the manor,

just getting by.

That's not enough for me.
Not anymore.

There has to be more
to life than just this.

- Neighbors?
- Moved last week.

Do you think Old Man Arnold
can hear it?

Hear what?

Nothing!
Have a nice day now.

Eat shit, ginger!

- Disembodied singing.
- Never a good sign.

Although, we could follow it.
See where it leads.

It's not like
we have much to lose.

No, just our lives.

But, hey, we're living
on stolen time anyway,

so why not take it for granted and dive
headlong into shark-infested waters

that will undoubtedly
lead us back to the man

who permanently disfigured us

and lied to us
about it for decades?

We're the ones who
don't get involved. Remember?

No more hiding.

Kay...

Stay here.

Sweet, sweet baby...
Baby...

Who's there?

No, Kay. Don't forget.

You can't forget.

I'll get her, Jane.

Don't worry.

Kay...

Come here, monkey.

Sweet, sweet baby...
Baby...

I know you think
this is how it has to be,

but this isn't healing, Jane.

Forgetting and hiding
isn't healing.

You have to go up.

I can't.

We're safer here.

We're happy, aren't we?

What the fuck!

- Uh... Hi. Uh...
- What the fuck?

You're the one who's been bringing
me cold food this whole time?

For months?

Um...

Well, yeah, when I'm not busy.
I'm busy a lot, you know.

There just happens to be a food truck
where I'm busy most, and I, um...

I mean, it's not like
I could eat any of it.

Thanks.

Might be a little soggy.

I tripped.
Manhole just came out of...

Do you hear that music too?

All morning.

You, uh...

You wanna go fuck up
whoever's playing it?

Fuck, yeah!

So, my timing
might be shit here,

but I, for one, am grateful
a disembodied Chumbawamba

has brought us
all back together.

Can I just say there better be
a good fucking reason why we're here?

And it better be
to turn off that fucking song.

Because honestly, I'd rather
stick sharks in my vagina

than be in the same
zip code as you.

It's Mr. Nobody.
He's kidnapped Danny.

- So, rescue Danny.
- I can't.

I need your help.

A long time ago,
I had a daughter.

She's extraordinary
and everything to me,

and I'm afraid...

she is a danger to all of us.

All I ever wanted was to live
one day longer than she did,

to protect her.

To protect others.

That's why I created
each one of you.

I need to study any means possible
of extending my own life.

So, we were lab rats.
Just like Mr. Nobody said.

Yes, at first.
I can't deny that.

Okay, I'm sorry,
but invoking your daughter now,

it's fucking evil.

It's the truth.

I hid her for years on Danny,

who graciously accepted
to be her caretaker.

Somehow,

Mr. Nobody

has found out about her,

and he's trapped them both
inside this painting.

Please.

She's all I've got left.

Tell you what. I'll help you
with your daughter

as soon as you
invent a time machine

that gets me back the 30 years
I lost with mine.

Till then, fuck you forever!

And Danny? You're just gonna
turn your back on them?

Even though
they had no part in this?

I'm sorry, what part of "fuck
you forever" was in Hebrew?

I'll do it.

For Danny.
Even your daughter.

Not for you.

Wait!
You're doing this?

Niles Caulder, you're an awful,

vermin-infested,
garbage... person.

But so help me, I'm going
into that painting too.

I was terrible
as a human being,

and even worse
as an acting teacher.

The only time I don't feel
like a complete asshole

is when I'm dealing with...

whatever you would
call this foolishness.

Larry.

Does my opinion
even matter?

Cliff.

Great! Now I'm the fucking
asshole who's a fucking asshole

if I don't walk
into the fucking painting.

Of course I'm gonna fucking
walk into the fucking painting,

because, let's be honest,

who the fuck else is enough of a fucking
asshole to walk into a fucking painting?

Let's go!

Okay, so get into
the painting... somehow,

and then rescue Danny
and your daughter somehow.

Getting in is gonna be
the easy part.

It's the getting out
that's gonna be tricky.

Why?
What do we have to do?

I don't know. That's why
it's gonna be tricky.

Ah. Okay.

So, what do we do?
Just stare at this thing?

Keep staring. Keep staring.

Where is everyone?

Danny, you okay?
What's going...

Uh, can't see. All right.

Danny, what about her?

She safe?

Uh... Guys?

What the hell is that?

Now comes
your reckoning!

Oh, God.

Behold!
I am His right hand.

His scythe! Use me, Father!

I am your disciple,
your fifth horseman!

Take cover!

Shit! Shit!

Shit!

Shit! Shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit!

I'm so sorry, Danny boy!

Oh, my God.
Danny was right. You came.

I'm so happy to see you guys.

Man, what the hell are you doing?

I fucked up. I fucked up.

I fucked up so hard.

I was happy here, you know.

This guy shows up,
Mr. Nobody, offering me

bags of Lincoln,
da Vinci, ZZ Top.

Their beards tasted so good.

And I told him...

I told him everything.

You sold her out.

What did you do?

What did I do?

I mean, sure, I trapped Danny
in this goddamn painting

before realizing that
it would turn me into this...

this husk!

All I wanted to do

was to meet that Cro-Magnon
squeeze of yours,

and lo and behold,
all that remains

is an adorable, almighty
chip off the old block.

If you so much as harmed
a hair on her head...

She enlarged those two
backstabbing vermin!

Have you ever tried
talking sense to a pest

while he enjoys his very own
re-enactment of a Kaiju movie?

It is impossible!

Shut up!
Look, we need a plan.

Look, we were the only people
in this whole entire world

who got Danny's SOS
and followed it here.

We're standing inside the heart
of a sentient street,

inside a magic painting
with a giant-ass cockroach,

a guy who hunts beards, and...

And an inter-dimensional
fuck-up.

If anybody's gonna save Danny

and the Chief's daughter,
it's gonna be us.

Fine. What's this plan?

This way. Quickly!

She's in the Doll Hospital,
down the stairs.

That wasn't so bad.

Maybe the giant roach
found a giant turd to chow down on

and forgot all about us.

It's the roach, isn't it?

Oh, fuck my life!

Jane, run!

The fuck!

Come and get it, asshole!

Oh, shit. Oh, shit!

No. Find my daughter.

The Doll Hospital. Go.

I was supposed
to be the villain

of this shitty piece.

I was bested by a little girl,

and thrown out of my own
criminal organization

by a rat and a roach.

Me...

The big bad. The black hat.

You can't make this shit up!

Yesterday, a 13-year-old girl told me
to fuck my face with a weed-whacker.

Congratulations.

We both suck.

That's one way
to tell the story.

It's the truth.

It's the past.

The future is still yours
for the making.

Why? What's the point?

I know what it's like
to be a nobody.

But as bad as that felt,
I'd rather be nobody than nothing.

And that is exactly
what you're going to be

if you don't quit
feeling sorry for yourself.

You don't give a shit about me.

You're only saying all of this
to save your own tuchus.

That is... 100% true.

But think about it this way,

if you give up now,
your story is a forgettable,

disappointing defeat,

but if you take up
your narration once again,

you can turn your tale into
something beloved by all,

told and retold
time after time.

A comeback.

What do you want me to do?

There he stood,

anointed with purpose. Ezekiel!

Born of the most Herculean
and timeless of creatures.

Father, is that you?

No.

Ezekiel realized that
it wasn't God, it couldn't be,

because he was God all along.

- Huh?
- For who else was more powerful than the cockroach?

Who else could survive mass extinctions,
plagues, and nuclear explosions?

No one!

Only I, only Ezekiel.

And if he wanted Armageddon,

he would have to manifest
Revelations himself!

Yes! I am ready!

Now was the time
for the meek to inherit the Earth.

It was time
for the meek to devour it.

Devour?

Ugh. Three o'clock.
Behind the BMW.

Why, a god would not be sated
on scraps of guano alone.

Ezekiel had a new appetite.

He desired to eat...

...the world.

Yes!

Now having tasted
the great Cyborg,

Ezekiel's craving
for power grew.

I am become God!

Destroyer of worlds!

Of all the stupid ways
I expected to die,

getting eaten by a Godzilla-rat
never made the list.

I don't know.
Maybe I deserve this.

I was a shitty dad
and a worse husband.

Uh, let's see, what else?

Okay, yeah. But those two other
things, they aren't that bad.

I mean, lots of people suck at
relationships and parenting.

Doesn't mean
they're sucky people, does it?

Because if I had
another chance with Clara,

I know I'd do so much better.

So, why shouldn't I get
a second chance?

Why do I deserve to be slowly
digested by a giant fucking rodent?

'Cause I don't think I do.
I don't fucking deserve this!

Maybe nobody does.

I do not deserve this shit.

I do not deserve this shit!

I do not deserve this shit!

Okay,
you heard Vic's plan.

You're gonna find us a way
out of here. I know you are.

Negative Spirit, release!

Hello?

I'm Jane.

Niles sent me to come get you.

Good job.

Looks like I'm up.

Just as soon as everyone's
inside the giant cockroach.

Rita!

I know you better than
you know yourself, Ezekiel.

You wanna pick me up in those
strong arms and devour me whole.

Oh, God. This is gonna be worse
than the donkey, isn't it?

I get it.

I have a friend, Baby Doll.

She's like us.

She gets scared too.

And your dad used
to sing her this song

that always
made her feel better.

Not even a hawk?

With its loud
and mighty squawk?

Come, dear.

Shall we go see what the inside
of a cockroach looks like?

Wait, wait, Cliff.
What about Cliff?

Oh, shit. Cliff.

I do not deserve this shit!

Ugh. Gross.

Um, okay.

Okay, I'm just vamping here.

Then...

Then Ezekiel
noticed Whiskers.

I mean, he really noticed him.

Why, he had been so busy

becoming the architect
of the Apocalypse and all,

that he had failed to see
what was right before his eyes,

but there he was.

Ezekiel's right hand in the
destruction of this loathsome world.

Another meek
and forgotten creature.

It was as if a soul
had been split in two,

and they were finding their way
back together again.

The yearning was palpable.

It was intoxicating.

Really? Oh, Whiskers!

It was in that moment
that Ezekiel lost all other appetite,

he hungered for one thing

and one thing only,

and that was...

rat-a-tushie.

Oh! Gotta make it
into the cockroach.

Gotta make it
into the cockroach.

Gotta make it
into the cockroach.

Oh, God! Oh, fuck me!

Now knowing that his greatest
fear was also his greatest power,

Larry knew it was time to rip through
this impenetrable dimension.

All of the pieces
were clicking into place.

The story's riveting end
was finally upon us.

So, the cockroach eats them to
protect them from the radiation,

I get that.
But what happens to us?

Oh, shi...

Miscreants!
Dissenters!

Did they think
they could destroy me?

Nay, the Apocalypse
is my bedfellow.

Nuclear radiation, a mere
gentle kiss upon my back.

I cannot die for I am death!

I am the beginning,
the end, the...

Everybody okay?

Nothing that
an hour-long shower

and a whiskey
on the rocks won't fix.

- Is that...
- Yes.

It's all right, darling.

Everyone...

this is my daughter, Dorothy.

Dorothy Spinner.

Uh, guys...

I'm gonna suggest maybe we deal
with the issue at hand here,

and then meet the world's
most powerful little girl.

What the fuck?
Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you fucking kidding me!