All language subtitles for Baby.Daddy.S05E13.WEBRip.x264-ION10

♪♪

All right?
Okay, perfect.

If somehow I die
in the next few minutes,

please take all of this off me
before you call anyone.

(knocking on door)

Knock-knock.

Hey, Ben.
Or should I say milady?

Hey, don't make me
take these earrings off.

Thanks for hanging on
to my stuff while I looked
for a place.

I'll just grab a few boxes
and get out of your way.

Look, I'm really sorry
you have to find a new place,
but your job at the bar is--

Is over. I'm looking
for a new one of those too.

You know, someplace
where both of the owners
haven't seen me naked.

Ben, you're not
going to believe-- Sam?

Didn't expect you to be here,
you know, because then
I wouldn't have come in.

Careful, Riley,
you might blow out your back
holding that giant grudge.

Riley, why can't you
at least be pleasant?

I thought you and Danny
had worked things out.

Yeah, Danny and I are cool,
but she can kiss my--

Oh my God.
I almost forgot why I came over.

I just got a call from our old
high school athletic director,

-Coach DiNardo.
-I thought he was in jail.

Yeah, they couldn't make
the charges stick.

But they are inducting me,
Riley Perrin,

Team Captain and two-time
State Field Hockey Champion,

into the coveted
Hall of Athletes.

Oh, is that different
than the super lame

Hall of Athletes they had
when we went to school there?

I'm just going to pretend
that you said congratulations
instead.

Oh my God.
Thank you so much.

But, you know,
I'm on the alumni committee.

I was going over
the list of graduates
and you're not on it.

I-- I'm sorry. Are you implying
that I never actually graduated
high school

and I've been lying
to my friends and
family for years?

Um, no.

I was just saying you should
probably call the school.

Ah, right. I will...
definitely do that.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm in the middle of trying
to run a kingdom.

I dub thee Annoying.
Begone!

(theme music playing)

♪ It's amazing how
the unexpected ♪

♪ Can take your life
and change directions ♪

Hey, Mom,
can I talk to you about--

Hey, did you hear?

Danny is being inducted

into the Westmore High School
Hall of Athletes.

I am so proud.
I made everybody T-shirts!

(shrieks gleefully)

So, what'd you want to tell me?

I didn't actually graduate
from high school.

Oh, yes, you did!

I saw you walk across that stage
and get your diploma.

I even paid for your
graduation trip to Cancun.

Kind of one of the reasons
I didn't mention it before.

(gasps)

-It's not that
big of a deal, right?
-Wrong! Wrong, Ben!

What kind of role model
are you going to be
for your daughter?

When I walked across that stage
and I got my diploma,

that was one of the proudest
moments of my life.

Mostly because I managed to do
it without going into labor.

I can't imagine another mother,
ever, being more disappointed
in her son.

(groans)

Mrs. Wheeler, do I really
have to wear this?

Well, except maybe his mother,
but I'm running a close second.

Danny Wheeler!

Coach DiNardo! Hey,
I didn't expect to see you here.

Neither did my lawyers,
but here I am!

Hey, thanks for bringing in
some of your stuff

-to help fill out the case.
-No problem.

Here's the stick I used to make
the championship-winning goal
my senior year.

Girls used to write
their phone numbers on it.

You think any of those
are still good?

-Danny?
-Riley. What are
you doing here?

I'm being inducted into
the Hall of Athletes
as Athlete of the Year.

Actually, it's
Co-Athelete of the Year.

Okay. I see
what's going on here.

Danny Wheeler,
Riley Perrin--
two star athletes

who made good
and fell in love.

Great little
human interest story.

But we're actually
not dating anymore,

so if you could keep
that on the down-low,

I think we'd both
really appreciate it.

Yeah. No one cares.

The school board just
coughed up enough cash
for a couple of extra cases,

so we figured,
might as well fill them.

It's still an honor.

Uh, where is my case,
anyway?

Next to the girls' bathroom?

And not even
the good bathroom,

the one where the skanks
and potheads hang out.

Hey. Skanks and potheads
need to be inspired too.

This-- This is
because I'm a girl.

You know,
I get shoved in the back,

while you, a boy,
get showcased up front.

If you replace "boy"
with "New York Ranger"

and "girl" with
"not a New York Ranger,"

then, yeah, I agree with you.

Oh my God.
Oh my God!

Look. They're honoring Sam too?

Cheerleading is not
even a sport.

She was head cheerleader
and they won state
like four times.

Oh, are you sure?
Do you want to go home
and check your diary?

Who's that kid
with the huge nose?

(gasps)
Oh my God.

Oh my God!

It's Sam!

And she's hideous.

I can't believe the girl
who bullied me every day
for how I looked

looked like this.

Oh, thank you.
This is going to be so good.
I'm going to destroy her.

Or you can be
the bigger person

and pretend like
you never saw it.

Very funny, Danny,
but I need real ideas here.

Dude, I seriously can't believe
that you just forgot to take
your biology final.

Let's just say an exchange
student named Inka might've had
something to do with it.

Inka-Dinka,
don't mind if I do.

-Hey, thanks
for coming with me.
-No problem, man.

You know,
I've never really understood

why anybody would want to be
a teacher, man.

You're under-appreciated,
you're underpaid

and under my sheets
if I'm lucky. Excuse me.

How you doing?
I'm Tucker Dobbs.
I'm a new teacher here.

Do you mind showing me
where the teacher's lounge is?

And I wouldn't mind stopping
for a drink on the way there.

-Mom?
-Ben!

Hey! What am I doing here?

Well, since you
brought it up...

Uh, you know, I...

just thought I would
come down here and see
if there was any way

that I could help you
get that diploma.

Oh, thanks.
That's why I'm here too.

I just I really want to be
the kind of role model to Emma
that you were to me.

There you are!

Found your file.

Bonnie Krapinski.

Only three credits shy
of graduation.

Never got around to taking
that biology final, huh?

What? You didn't
graduate either?

After everything
you said to me?

I was giving birth.

That's God's biology final.

I don't think
those credits transfer.

(elevator dings)

Oh, hey.

I'd love to stay
for any witty insults
you want to toss my way,

but this is my last box,
so, see you never.

Well, lucky for me,

a picture is worth
a thousand snarky comments.

Look familiar?

God, give me that!
I thought I destroyed
all these!

Please,
like I didn't make copies.

What is wrong with you?

I'm sorry I hooked up
with Danny in high school,

but you have been a bitch to me
ever since the day I met you.

I'm sorry,
I was mean to you?

You never missed an opportunity
to remind me that I was
a fat dork.

Like I didn't already
know that?

Look, I got a nose job
so I could fit in.

But then, I don't know
where God gave me these,
and I stood out all over again.

Ever guy wouldn't leave
me alone,

and every girl pretty much
stopped talking to me

unless it was to make
snide comments behind my back,

most of which came from you
and your little jock posse,

so don't think that you're
the only one who went home
and cried after school.

Wow. I...

I had no idea.
I'm sorry.

Yeah, well, so am I.

And for the record,
I would've reacted
exactly the same way

if I found out my boyfriend lied
about sleeping with someone too.

-I mean,
you flat-out asked him.
-Thank you!

Hey, um...
I have an open bottle of wine.

Do you want to help
me finish it?

I'd love that.

Oh, oh. And you are
never going to believe
where they put our trophy cases.

Next to the skank bathroom.

And where'd
they put Danny's case,
right up front?

-Oh, you know it.
-Men.

-(door closes)
-Oh.

This can't be good.

So, all we got to do,
is convince the current teacher
to let us take the final.

If it's still Mr. Roberts,
I so got this.

Ben Wheeler.

I do not got this.

Ms. Gilcrest. Hi.

Great to see your eyebrow
has grown back.

Bet you never thought
you'd see me again, huh?

Oh, I don't know.
I tutor at the prison,
so I keep an eye out for you.

(cackling)

-You must be the mom.
-Yes, Your Honor.

Look, I appreciate that you both
want to do the right thing,

so I will let you
retake the test.

By the way, it's tomorrow.

Do you happen to know
if that was ever made
into a movie?

Dude, this is impossible.
I'm never going to pass.

What does biology have to do
with life anyway?

Look, man, I'd help you out,

but I met the lovely
Miss Jimenez in
the teacher's lounge,

and I offered to help grade
some of her students'
Spanish homework.

-I didn't know
you spoke Spanish.
-I don't.

Which is too bad
for little Tommy-- C-plus!

Forty-nine!

Can you believe it?
Forty-nine!

I could, if you put on
a little more makeup
and you dim the lights.

Tick-tock, smartass.
Tick-tock.

Forty-nine is what I got
on the practice test.

What the hell am I going to do?

Mrs. Wheeler, if you just
stay focused and work hard,
you'll pass.

Effort never goes
without reward.

D-minus for Topher.

You know, Ben,
this test might be easier

if we considered "alternative"
study methods.

-Are you suggesting we cheat?
-Cheat? No, no.

Those are you words,
not mine.

Unless you're
"open" to it.

No, I'm not open to it.

We should both do
this the right way.

Yes. Exactly
what I was thinking.

Yes. I'm so glad we are
on the same page, son.

All right, I need you
to help me cheat.

And why would
I want to do that?

Because I'll tell everyone
where you go every
Wednesday afternoon.

That's right. I follow you
on the subway.

Hey, bro.
You got two seconds?

Yeah.

Think I might have
a little situation on my hands.

I think Riley and Sam
are becoming friends.

Are you serious?

Dude, what are
you still doing here?
Run! Hide!

Start a new life
in another country.

Man, they have
one common hatred now.

-They do? What is it?
-It's you, Danny.

That hatred is you.

Look, man, if you ever
want to have a future
with Riley,

you need to find a way
to end her friendship with Sam.

You've got to split them
like an atom.

Oh my God.
I'm learning.

Are you sure?

I mean, honestly,
how bad can it be?

-Oh!
-Whoa!

(laughing)

This is so cool.

I finally did something badass
in high school!

Take that, stupid Danny.

You think you're better
than girls? Well, you're not.
And you know why?

Oh. Are you talking to me?

-Talking about what?
-I don't know.

I have to barf.

It's got to be here somewhere.

Answer key. Answer key.

Answer key! Yes, yes!

Can I help you?

Hi. Hey.
(chuckles nervously)

I'm the new substi-cute teacher,
Mr. Tucker Dobbs.

And regardless
of what you have heard,

Miss Jimenez and I
are not exclusive.

You know Ms. Jimenez is married?

No, I did not know that.

(door opens)

Ms. Gilcrest?

Hey, I know
I'm a couple hours early,
but I really need help

with some of the human
reproduction questions.

Oh.

Is this the part where you
try to get me to say "penis,"

while you snicker to yourself?

(scoffs)
No need.

But I'm actually serious.
I have to pass this test.

And I'm sorry I was such
a troublemaker back then,

but I'm not that guy anymore.

In fact, I'm actually a--
a father now.

This is my daughter, Emma.

She's why I'm doing this.

She's pretty cute.

She has your eyes.

Fine.

Oh, thank you.

And, again, I'm sorry I was
such a troublemaker back then.

At least you always
made me laugh, and
you really weren't that bad.

I was almost expelled.

It was never going to happen.

You were quite the charmer.

And it looks like
you've only improved with age.

Ms. Gilcrest.

Are you flirting with me?

I don't know.

Maybe I am.

Teachers are allowed to have
crushes too, you know.

Especially when students aren't
students... anymore.

I'm starting to remember
why I never missed your class.

Oh my God. I am sorry.
I don't know what got into me.

That was...
totally inappropriate.

No. I liked it.

In fact,

it might actually answer
some of my questions.

Okay.

This hangover is why
I didn't party in high school.

You didn't party in high school
because nobody asked you
to party in high school.

Shut up, Sam.

And we still have to figure out
how to get that trophy case back
before anybody finds out.

Yeah, that wasn't the best idea.
Why did we do that?

Because you said it was
the best idea.

And we both know it wasn't
Danny's fault that our stuff
got shoved to the back.

Yeah, but he could've
said something.

Oh, hey. I need to talk
to both of you about
my trophy case.

-We were at home.
-We were at the movies.

We were at home
and then we went to the movies.

No. I just don't think it's fair
that mine was put up front.

So I talked to Coach DiNardo
and I threatened to take back
all of my stuff,

so he finally agreed to switch
mine with one of yours.

-(sighs)
-Seriously?

Oh, that is so sweet.

Damn it, Danny.
Why do you have to be so nice?

How am I supposed to stay
mad at you now?

Just decide whose case
you want moved,
and I'll get it taken care of.

(sighs)
You know what?

You should take
the front case.

You deserve it.

Aw, Riley.
That is so nice.

Okay.

No. This is the part where
you say, "You should have
the front case

because you deserve it."

-You just said I should take it.
-Yeah, but I didn't think
you'd accept.

-So you didn't mean it?
-No. Of course I didn't mean it.

Cheerleading is
not even a real sport.

I will have you know
I was in amazing
physical shape.

Oh, oh. I'm sorry.
And people were talking
about you behind your back?

Have you been chased
by a 200-pound goalie?

Or wear a little cage
around your eyes?
That's a sport!

(door closes)

Ah, friends till the end.

Luckily, that was the end.

Okay. My brain is
at full capacity,

so as long as I don't learn
anything new in the next
30 seconds,

I'm gonna ace this.

I hear you.

I don't think
I ever studied this hard.

All right,
slight change of plans.

I have good reason to believe
that someone stole
the test answer key.

I just want to say that I--

I imagine it happened
while I was being distracted.

I knew you were devious, Ben,
but I never expected you to use
me to cheat on a test.

What? I didn't cheat.

And you're the one
who kissed me.

You kissed a teacher?

Have you no shame?

If you're telling the truth,

then your performance
will vindicate you.

I was kind of hoping
that it already had.

By the way,

it's a completely new test.

Um... Ms. Gilcrest?

That's not really fair.

'Cause, uh, I didn't cheat,

so I should probably
get the old one.

Okay. It's the same questions,
just a different order.

Great.

And what is that order?

Ms. Gilcrest, um...
(clears throat)

The principal asked
to speak with you.

Now?

-Yeah.
-Okay.

Mr. Dobbs, would you keep an eye
on these two for me?

If I could tear
my eyes off you.

No? Okay. All right.

-Come on.
-It's got to be here.

What are you guys doing?
That's against the rules.

Who have I become?

Gilcrest:
For the last time,
Coach DiNardo,

keep your hands to yourself!

The principal isn't
even here today.

I don't know who told you...

And if a certain someone
is looking for the answers,

they're locked away safely
in my office.

Oh. I will be collecting
cell phones and locking
all doors.

Hi.

But if Joey's Pizza Shack calls,
will you tell them that
we're in room One-B?

I have low blood sugar.

Okay. We agree,
whatever Coach DiNardo decides,

we'll be cool with.

Coach! Hey, thank you so much
for moving one of our cases
up front.

It should be mine.
I'm so glad you agree.

No. If anyone's going to be
switching cases with Danny,
it's going to be me.

A four-time champion,
not two. Four!

Yeah. I don't know what you
two girls are talking about.

No one's moving
anything anywhere.

But I'd be willing to go
to my office and discuss it.

No? Okay, well...

It's down the hall on the right
if you change your mind.

I'm really confused.

Danny lied to us.

He was trying to turn us
against each other
and it worked.

-He can't get away with this.
-No, no. He's not.

Tucker! What are you doing here?

Stealing test answers
for Mrs. Wheeler.
What are you doing here?

Stealing Danny's hockey stick.

Carry on.

(whispering) Ben!

What'd you put down
for number 12?

(whispering)
I'm not going to tell you.

I actually studied.

Well, I actually pushed you
out of my uterus.

Give me the answer.

Oh, wait.
Uterus. Got this.

Shh!

Psst! Psst! Psst!

(clears throat loudly)

Ben, stop making noise.
You're distracting your mother.

How do you know
how to work this stuff?

When you're not popular or hot,
you take wood shop
as an elective.

-Stop!
-Ben.

What are you doing here?
How did you know where we were?

It was pretty easy.

I just followed the cab
with the giant trophy case
sticking out of it.

We know that you lied to us
and tried to pit us against
each other.

Okay. Yeah. I was terrified
of the thought of you two
teaming up against me,

which is exactly what you did.

That doesn't sound like
much of an apology.

No! No!

Now that sounds like
an apology.

Oh my God!
Why would you do that?

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have
pitted the two of you
against each other,

but I'm not the guy who decided
to put your trophy cases
in back of the Hall of Toilets.

Yeah, well, you certainly
didn't do anything about it.

Actually, I did.

I just talked to DiNardo,
and he agreed to put
your cases up in the front.

For real this time.

Oh.

Hey, Sam.
Can you find some glue?

You have about 30 seconds left.

Not if you don't need them.
All done.

I took this fair and square.

You can think of me
what you want, but I know
I did the right thing.

Done! All done.

And I, too,
took it fair and square.

I certainly didn't cheat.

-(roof clattering)
-(Tucker screams)

(Tucker coughs)

Want to grade that now.
I'll wait.

(knocking on door)

Hey, I don't know what apples
mean to you people,

but rumor has it,
you're crazy about 'em.

Any chance you finished
grading my test?

I did...
and I'm sorry.

What?

I can't believe it.
I actually studied this time.

No. I mean, I'm sorry
for not believing you.

You couldn't have cheated.

I mean, no one cheats
and gets a 69.

Wait. So, I passed the test?

Yes! I finally graduated
high school.

And, uh, hey,

if you ever need a tutor.

Wait. Why would I need a tutor.
I just passed the...

Ms. Gilcrest.

Are you flirting with me, again?