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1
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Today is our 10th Friendiversary.
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00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:09,541
10 years ago, four kids entered
a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit
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00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:13,077
as strangers, but they emerged...
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00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:14,412
[SNIFFLES]
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They emerged best friends.
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00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,951
[WAILING]
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I promised myself I wouldn't do this!
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Let's skip the speech and
go straight to dessert.
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[R&B MUSIC PLAYS]
10
00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:30,428
♪ In a Chuck E. Cheese ♪
11
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:33,431
♪ These four boys will meet ♪
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00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:37,302
♪ It's our Friendiversary ♪
13
00:00:37,304 --> 00:00:39,237
♪ Friendiversary ♪
14
00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:43,776
♪ We're Snot, we're Barry,
we're Steve, and Toshi ♪
15
00:00:43,778 --> 00:00:46,044
♪ It's our Friendiversary ♪
16
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,847
♪ Friendiversary ♪
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00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:55,587
♪ It's our Friendiversary-y-y-y-y ♪
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00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:58,456
Squash, squash, squash! Squash, squash!
19
00:00:58,458 --> 00:01:00,659
Roger needs a squash partner!
20
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:01,926
- Roger!
- Steve!
21
00:01:01,928 --> 00:01:03,796
Big squash tourney tomorrow.
22
00:01:03,798 --> 00:01:06,064
I need you to be my squash partner.
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00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,131
Squash.
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00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:08,733
I don't even know what squash is.
25
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:11,003
What?! Everyone knows squash.
26
00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:12,204
- Roger.
- Squash.
27
00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:13,938
It's our Friendiversary.
28
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:16,941
My week is jam-packed
with friendship activities.
29
00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:18,811
Jam-packed!
30
00:01:19,939 --> 00:01:22,681
- But, Steve...
- I'm not gonna ditch my friends.
31
00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:24,949
Sorry, you'll need to find
another squash partner.
32
00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:26,685
Everybody at the club is paired up,
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00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:29,354
and the club doesn't allow blacks,
Jews, or women.
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00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:32,357
That rules out my tennis partner,
Rashika Greenblatt.
35
00:01:32,359 --> 00:01:35,560
The racism is thick,
but so is the club's lobster bisque,
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00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:38,163
which is why I'll never walk away.
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♪♪
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
40
00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:50,375
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
41
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:54,913
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
42
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,852
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
43
00:01:59,854 --> 00:02:02,387
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
44
00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,555
Aah!
45
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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If you have the legendary shards,
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I recommend you visit Xur on Titan
48
00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:17,936
and purchase the Wardcliff
Coil Rocket Launcher.
49
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:19,404
[GROANS]
50
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Then get the legendary shards,
you [BLEEP] licking suckboy!
51
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,476
Third graders.
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00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:25,744
I can't believe it.
53
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,345
I asked Steve to play squash
54
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:29,681
and he wouldn't cancel
plans with his friends.
55
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,149
Those guys are tight, bro.
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00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,218
They remind me of my boys in Tampa.
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00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:34,753
You don't have friends in Tampa.
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00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,621
[CHUCKLING] Okay, pal.
59
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:37,956
Then why do I have a tattoo
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00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:41,025
of an alligator in a
bikini driving down I-4?
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00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:43,495
- [MAN SCREAMS]
- Oh, you made me lose!
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00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:47,432
Make him lose... his friends.
63
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:49,834
Excellent idea, Klaus!
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00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,169
[WOMAN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
65
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:54,573
Slow down, lady. Your son is a liar.
66
00:02:55,166 --> 00:02:57,509
What?! He was the one swearing at me,
67
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,644
and he made a Chinese joke!
68
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[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
69
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:03,448
Oh, w... well, I'm Chinese, too!
70
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:07,519
[URINATING, HUMMING]
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00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,788
Man, look at the splash back.
72
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,790
Got that Super Soaker thrust.
73
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:14,058
You're just painting those
Entertainment Weekly's
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00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:15,860
- in the magazine rack.
- [ZIPS PANTS]
75
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,996
Your flattery won't
get me to play squash.
76
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,331
Squ-what? [LAUGHS]
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00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,266
I haven't thought about that in ages.
78
00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:23,535
You seemed really into it,
like, 10 minutes ago.
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00:03:24,786 --> 00:03:26,605
Speaking of minutes ago,
80
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,807
how many has it been since Barry ate?
81
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:31,075
What a fat guy, don't you think?
82
00:03:31,077 --> 00:03:32,477
He does struggle with weight,
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00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:35,680
but I love my Care Bare, big or small.
84
00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:37,081
Speaking of small,
85
00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:39,818
what about Snot's bank account,
am I right?
86
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:43,355
Oh, Snotter, so poor in money,
so rich in character.
87
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:44,556
You're impossible.
88
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:45,890
I'm not gonna keep recording over
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all my great business
ideas for this crap.
90
00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:51,964
ROGER: A novelty device that
transforms Julia Child's voice
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00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:54,366
into a deep, scary monster voice.
92
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:55,968
Oh, wait. Oh, wait, did I miss my stop?
93
00:03:55,970 --> 00:03:58,303
I'm looking for the ferry to Alcatraz.
94
00:03:58,305 --> 00:04:00,172
Or is it swimmable? I'm on a budget.
95
00:04:00,174 --> 00:04:02,307
This is my first time in San Francisco.
96
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,108
That's not true. Why did I say that?
97
00:04:04,650 --> 00:04:07,015
I almost lost this because of you!
98
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,718
This is pretty interesting.
99
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,986
Four 12-year-old kids
designed a computer
100
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:17,055
that destroyed all of Cincinnati.
101
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,524
- Wow.
- Oh, misread it.
102
00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:21,059
It was 412 1-year-olds.
103
00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:22,660
That's a lot less interesting.
104
00:04:22,662 --> 00:04:24,329
You guys aren't gonna believe this.
105
00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:25,463
Jeff has a talent!
106
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:26,998
- Bullshit.
- It's true.
107
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,800
We were just watching
the house-renovation show
108
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:31,269
"Flip or Flop,"
and Jeff knew when to flip
109
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,071
and he knew when to flop.
110
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,473
- I did.
- How is this possible?
111
00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:38,143
Mom, when you look around the house,
what do you see?
112
00:04:38,606 --> 00:04:39,677
Walls.
113
00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:40,812
Just a lot of walls.
114
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,148
[SCOFFS] Walls. What a noob.
115
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:45,417
What do we see, Jeff, you and I?
116
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:47,285
When I look at a house,
117
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,755
I can see beyond the walls...
118
00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:52,023
- Uh-huh.
- ...above the ceiling...
119
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:54,159
- That's right.
- ...and below the floor.
120
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:57,829
- Bingo.
- I can see its bones.
121
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,297
Happy now, Francine?
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00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:02,300
If we combine his instincts
with your money,
123
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,769
the sky's the limit.
124
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:05,637
The sky, you say?
125
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:10,108
He's surveying the bones of our house.
126
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,444
He is? Well, don't hold out on us, Jeff.
127
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:13,845
What do you see?
128
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:17,849
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
129
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:21,920
Your house has great bones.
130
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:24,856
- [SIGHS]
- Wow, he's good.
131
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,458
Do me, do me! How are my bones?
132
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,126
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
133
00:05:29,358 --> 00:05:31,329
You're not a house, Mr. S.
134
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,999
A goddamn master.
135
00:05:34,753 --> 00:05:36,290
_
136
00:05:37,091 --> 00:05:38,604
Kick those legs, Barry!
137
00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:41,073
I can't do it! Swan!
138
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:44,409
I'll never learn to swim.
139
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:46,211
[COAXINGLY] Barry.
140
00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:47,679
Barry.
141
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,281
[CHUCKLES]
142
00:05:49,283 --> 00:05:50,949
Stop making me laugh.
143
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,484
There's that smile!
144
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:55,287
Aww, I love you guys.
145
00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:58,556
Steve, I set up a cabana
and filled it with strippers.
146
00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,091
Roger, go away.
147
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,251
It's Friendiversary swim day.
148
00:06:02,286 --> 00:06:05,497
Why don't you come over here
and swim into some strange?
149
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:08,500
This is Steve, the underage boy
I was telling you about.
150
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,368
You really don't get it, huh?
151
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,770
These are my friends,
152
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,639
and I'll never turn my back on them.
153
00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:15,707
You can tell yourself that,
but you'll slip up,
154
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,843
just like I told myself
I was never gonna see
155
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,845
another Woody Allen movie,
but there I was,
156
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:21,847
first in line for "Blue Jasmine."
157
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:24,316
So boring, so good.
158
00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:25,783
[DOG BARKING, SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
159
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:27,919
This neighborhood looks kind of seedy.
160
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:30,522
Is that a Satanic church next door?
161
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:32,458
They practice Santería.
162
00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:36,394
I don't know the difference,
but I'm told there is one.
163
00:06:37,098 --> 00:06:38,664
Has anyone died in here?
164
00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:40,532
It feels like someone died in here.
165
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,200
No! God no.
166
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:44,136
The last owner was stabbed in the house,
167
00:06:44,138 --> 00:06:47,673
but he managed to crawl
to the lawn before he died.
168
00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:49,607
Jeff, tell us about the house.
169
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:54,346
Quite possibly the greatest
bones I've ever seen.
170
00:06:54,348 --> 00:06:56,682
Let's see them bones!
171
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:59,017
What the hell are you doing?!
172
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:00,752
You know what? Screw it.
173
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,355
I'm quitting this industry.
174
00:07:03,357 --> 00:07:07,693
I have quit a lot of industries, though.
175
00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:09,361
I'm reconsidering.
176
00:07:09,363 --> 00:07:13,031
Guess what. I'm back, babies!
177
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,501
Aah!
178
00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:18,303
You know what? I'm quitting this body.
179
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:21,840
I have quit a lot of bodies, though.
180
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:24,042
I'm reconsidering.
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00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:27,379
[SCREAMING]
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00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,116
10 years ago, we met within the hallowed
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00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:34,452
and ultimately unprofitable
walls of this Chuck E. Cheese.
184
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:37,523
The ball pit gave life
to our friendship.
185
00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:39,991
But it also gave life to a super fungus
186
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,993
that blinded an entire
Little League team
187
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,929
and closed the doors forever.
188
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:46,532
And now we immortalize our friendship
189
00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:48,233
with some light vandalism.
190
00:07:49,467 --> 00:07:52,974
_
191
00:07:52,975 --> 00:07:54,375
_
192
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,942
Ugh, Toshi, that sucks.
193
00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,410
ANNOUNCER: That's right, Banksy.
194
00:07:58,412 --> 00:08:01,012
"American Dad's" calling you a hack!
195
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:03,148
Reveal your identity and fight us.
196
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:05,317
"American Dad"... We are...
197
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,294
_
198
00:08:08,472 --> 00:08:11,423
[GRAVELY VOICE] Who disturbs my slumber?
199
00:08:11,425 --> 00:08:13,625
[BOYS SCREAMING]
200
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,493
Aah!
201
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:18,230
You vandalized my beautiful home!
202
00:08:18,232 --> 00:08:19,497
It wasn't my idea!
203
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,077
Uh, Snot, Barry,
and Toshi made me do it!
204
00:08:22,112 --> 00:08:24,796
[JULIA CHILD'S VOICE] Whoa,
you turned on your friends so fast.
205
00:08:24,831 --> 00:08:25,703
I didn't even get to...
206
00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:27,773
[GRAVELY VOICE] ...clamp
your balls in a mouse trap.
207
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:29,441
Clamp their balls, not mine!
208
00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:32,444
T-They can't be far.
I'll... I'll help you find them.
209
00:08:32,446 --> 00:08:35,113
Toshi lives closest.
I say we go there first.
210
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,583
- [GASPS]
- And we can trap Barry with food.
211
00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:40,385
He'll eat himself to death
like a goldfish.
212
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,520
There's a lot of fight in Snot,
213
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,189
but we can nab him when he's weakest...
214
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,392
Right after he sells his plasma.
215
00:08:47,339 --> 00:08:49,394
Nah, I've got rat stuff to do.
216
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:52,063
Good luck digging yourself
out of this hole, Steve.
217
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:53,599
How do you know my name?
218
00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:54,733
Uh...
219
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,802
[JULIA CHILD'S VOICE]
Chuck E. Cheese knows
220
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,437
all the children's names.
221
00:09:02,476 --> 00:09:06,612
So... should we report
the guy in the rat costume
222
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:08,080
assaulting kids? [CHUCKLES]
223
00:09:08,082 --> 00:09:11,950
I'm more concerned about
the rat in the guy costume
224
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:14,019
assaulting friendships.
225
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:15,954
- Snotter...
- Don't Snotter me.
226
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:17,489
You betrayed us!
227
00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:21,559
I haven't felt this betrayed
since "Scrubs" moved to ABC!
228
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,430
How old were you when that happened?
229
00:09:24,432 --> 00:09:28,634
Well, how old am I now and when
was that, and now subtract.
230
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,235
Think, Snot. Think!
231
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,687
This bad blood... this is on you!
232
00:09:35,259 --> 00:09:37,470
Snot, please take me back as a friend.
233
00:09:37,505 --> 00:09:39,144
I can't get Bluetooth to sync,
234
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:42,280
but pretend it's playing
your favorite Matisyahu song.
235
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:43,749
So I should just pretend
236
00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:47,553
his entire catalogue is
playing at the same time?
237
00:09:47,555 --> 00:09:48,686
Fat chance!
238
00:09:49,199 --> 00:09:52,558
You backstabbed us
during Friendiversary!
239
00:09:55,563 --> 00:09:56,828
0-for-3.
240
00:09:56,830 --> 00:10:00,232
I'd say you're 3-for-3
at losing your friends.
241
00:10:00,234 --> 00:10:01,367
Perfect record, bud.
242
00:10:01,369 --> 00:10:03,569
Thanks for putting
a positive spin on it.
243
00:10:03,571 --> 00:10:05,771
Looks like you're the
only friend I have left.
244
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:08,840
We all make mistakes,
but life is like a game of squash.
245
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,175
You got to keep on whackin'.
246
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,444
I forgot all about your tournament.
247
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,780
- Rotten Steve!
- You stop that right now.
248
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,982
I doubt there's even time
to enter the tournament.
249
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,651
Well, we could make the cutoff.
250
00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:21,453
But we wouldn't be able
to take my friend Nancy's
251
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:23,388
hot aerobics class before.
252
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:24,590
Would you be willing to play
253
00:10:24,592 --> 00:10:26,592
without taking Nancy's
hot aerobics, Steve?
254
00:10:26,594 --> 00:10:28,460
Honestly, we won't be as loose.
255
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:31,196
Okay. I'll be your squash partner.
256
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:33,398
You're giving me a second
chance at friendship,
257
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,601
and this time, I'm gonna do it right.
258
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:37,735
- Oh!
- You're doing it wrong!
259
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:39,737
Damn it, Steve, clear a path!
260
00:10:39,739 --> 00:10:40,939
You got it, friend.
261
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,540
Get a clue, Steve.
262
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,009
[BLEEP]
263
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:45,944
Well played, Chip. Your serve.
264
00:10:46,408 --> 00:10:48,747
Hey, Rog,
the kid's all covered in welts.
265
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:50,548
- Your serve, Chip.
- How about we call it?
266
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:51,750
How about you serve, Chip?
267
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:53,285
[SIGHS]
268
00:10:53,287 --> 00:10:55,988
Okay, Steve,
clear that path and we got this.
269
00:10:59,801 --> 00:11:05,580
[SLOW MOTION] Clear a path!
270
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,566
Path!
271
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:11,203
Clear it!
272
00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:13,805
Aah!
273
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:15,374
[BLEEP]
274
00:11:17,856 --> 00:11:19,978
Hell of a game.
Nice backhand today, Bob.
275
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,379
My partner just didn't have it.
276
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:22,848
Is he gonna be okay?
277
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,182
Are you gonna be okay?
278
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,051
Hey, you just worry
about the next round.
279
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,320
Go win this thing.
280
00:11:28,978 --> 00:11:30,856
What are we doing next?
281
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,057
I don't understand.
282
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:33,459
You're acting like we're friends,
283
00:11:33,461 --> 00:11:36,128
but you're bad at squash.
What am I missing here?
284
00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:38,330
You're missing high-quality backpacks
285
00:11:38,332 --> 00:11:40,265
made out of recycled materials!
286
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,933
- I am?
- [MOCKINGLY] "I am?"
287
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:43,335
[LAUGHS] Just kidding.
288
00:11:43,337 --> 00:11:44,736
Step inside. I'll hook you up.
289
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,538
- Steve, I'm gonna do this.
- I'll come with.
290
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,406
[MOCKINGLY] "I'll come with." [LAUGHS]
291
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,209
- You're worse than this guy.
- You stay.
292
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,245
You are really funny.
293
00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:57,549
[DOG BARKING]
294
00:11:59,487 --> 00:12:01,753
They don't make bones like this anymore.
295
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,689
Damn right. So, what's the next step?
296
00:12:03,691 --> 00:12:06,558
- Renovations?
- And cover up these bones?
297
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,961
Mr. S, are you the stupidest
person I've ever met?
298
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,829
- Jeff!
- No, he's right.
299
00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:13,765
I spoke out of turn. Go on, Jeff.
300
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,767
It's time to flip this house,
301
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:19,905
and I recommend we only
consider all-cash offers.
302
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:22,508
A goddamn master.
303
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,244
[GROANS]
304
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,779
I wish you weren't married, Chip.
305
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:30,849
I bet your wife doesn't do this, Chip.
306
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:32,384
[WARBLING]
307
00:12:32,386 --> 00:12:34,386
Wakey, wakey.
308
00:12:34,388 --> 00:12:36,054
I made you breakfast in bed.
309
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,789
It's cold because
it's almost dinnertime.
310
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:40,592
- Okay, we need to talk.
- Best friend talk.
311
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,660
- Shut up and listen to me.
- Best friend listen.
312
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:44,996
Our so-called "friendship" was based on
313
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:48,200
a mutual love of squash,
which you didn't share.
314
00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:49,735
This is over.
315
00:12:49,737 --> 00:12:51,537
But... But you're my only friend!
316
00:12:51,539 --> 00:12:53,471
No. Now clear a path.
317
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,473
Sure thing, buddy. [LAUGHS]
318
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,809
See? We can make this work.
319
00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:00,412
You've got a clingy friend
on your hands, bro.
320
00:13:00,414 --> 00:13:01,813
[SCOFFS] I'm gonna head over to the pier
321
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:03,749
and work on my robot man routine.
322
00:13:03,751 --> 00:13:05,884
Everything will be normal
by the time I get back.
323
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:09,221
Ahh, there's so many
sick piers in Tampa.
324
00:13:09,223 --> 00:13:10,889
My boy Vance basically lives there.
325
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:13,825
He makes bank selling
butterfly knives to tourists.
326
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,961
Nobody believes you
have friends in Tampa.
327
00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:21,299
Oh, yeah? Then where did I
get skin cancer, smart guy?
328
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,701
[COASTER RIDERS SCREAMING]
329
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:27,305
Beep, boop, beep, beep, boop.
330
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,441
Beep, boop, boop, beep...
331
00:13:29,443 --> 00:13:31,376
Dad, that robot wants money.
332
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:34,512
...beep, beep, boop, boop, beep...
333
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:37,049
Stay away from him.
These guys have diseases.
334
00:13:37,051 --> 00:13:38,384
Shut up! You don't know me.
335
00:13:38,386 --> 00:13:40,518
You're just a lucky guesser.
336
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:41,987
Beep, boop, beep...
337
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,656
I'm Robot Man's best friend, Gold Boy.
338
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:45,991
[WHISPERING] It's me... Steve.
339
00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:47,926
[ROBOT VOICE] Get lost, Gold Boy.
340
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:49,261
[NORMAL VOICE] No can do.
341
00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:51,729
I'm your sidekick for all eternity.
342
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,198
[WHISPERING] And in real life, too.
343
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,066
- Beep, boop!
- Aah!
344
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,124
Beep.
345
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,406
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
346
00:14:00,408 --> 00:14:02,274
Hello! Welcome.
347
00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:04,476
So, it's protective booties
for everyone.
348
00:14:04,478 --> 00:14:06,412
- I'm sure you've noticed the bones.
- Huh?
349
00:14:06,414 --> 00:14:08,146
So, we're asking potential buyers
350
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:11,416
for a heartfelt letter outlining
why you should get the house.
351
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:14,486
Sorry, I thought
this house was abandoned.
352
00:14:14,488 --> 00:14:15,954
See, my girlfriend has diarrhea,
353
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,923
and I wanted to shoot up a little.
354
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:21,493
Damn it! No one wants this house.
355
00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:24,229
Nobody cares about bones.
356
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:26,031
Jeff screwed us!
357
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,966
Jeffrey, is this true?
358
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,167
Did you screw us?
359
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:30,768
Looks like I did, Mr. S.
360
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,504
Okay, you can kill him.
361
00:14:32,506 --> 00:14:33,772
Run, babe!
362
00:14:33,774 --> 00:14:37,209
We're all gonna need fresh
booties to go back in!
363
00:14:39,447 --> 00:14:42,514
[GARGLING]
364
00:14:43,587 --> 00:14:44,916
I can't get rid of Steve.
365
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:48,053
[CHUCKLES] Courtney, my boy in Tampa,
366
00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:49,455
he had a clinger like this.
367
00:14:49,457 --> 00:14:50,922
Florida State girl.
368
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,057
You know how that goes.
369
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:53,791
Actually, I don't, and neither do you
370
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:55,327
because none of those people exist.
371
00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:57,062
I have an actual crisis!
372
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,464
What did you expect?
373
00:14:58,466 --> 00:15:02,000
You blew up his entire support
system for a squash partner.
374
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,535
- [DOORKNOB RATTLES]
- STEVE: Roger, you in there?
375
00:15:03,537 --> 00:15:05,603
- You going wee-wee?
- What do I do, Klaus?
376
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,539
Instead of losing Steve,
377
00:15:07,541 --> 00:15:11,409
you should be reuniting
him with his old friends.
378
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,945
[DRILL WHIRS]
379
00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:15,280
Peek-a-boo!
380
00:15:15,808 --> 00:15:17,749
Aah! You got me, buddy!
381
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:20,018
How can I reunite Steve and his friends?
382
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:22,554
Well, to learn about that,
you have to learn about friendship,
383
00:15:22,556 --> 00:15:24,490
and if you want to
learn about friendship,
384
00:15:24,492 --> 00:15:26,892
we have to go to Tampa.
385
00:15:26,894 --> 00:15:29,027
There's no way you
have friends in Tampa.
386
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:31,629
But a little trip to get away
from Steve, I'm in.
387
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,832
Pack for the heat.
You got any tank tops?
388
00:15:33,834 --> 00:15:36,702
I have a framed sleeveless
Aaron Rodgers jersey.
389
00:15:36,704 --> 00:15:38,837
Hmm. Do you own a glass cutter?
390
00:15:38,839 --> 00:15:40,972
I do, but it's also framed.
391
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,107
Okay, grab both frames
392
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,115
and we'll figure it out
on the way to the airport.
393
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:50,882
♪♪
394
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:52,283
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
395
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,752
Steve won't stop texting.
396
00:15:53,754 --> 00:15:56,221
"In line at a goat cheese sale.
397
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:57,488
Pick you up a log?"
398
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:59,224
Can you believe this guy?
399
00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:00,492
"Two logs."
400
00:16:00,494 --> 00:16:01,893
Relax.
401
00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:04,563
Steve just has to reunite
with his old friends,
402
00:16:04,565 --> 00:16:07,098
and once you see how
tight me and my boys are,
403
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,300
you'll know how to make that happen.
404
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:13,304
Now stop worrying and take
in these Florida swamps.
405
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,440
Wow, so these are the people
406
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:17,976
who decide who's president every time.
407
00:16:18,538 --> 00:16:21,246
We gon' make Hulk Hogan president!
408
00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:23,482
You know best!
409
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,119
There's a doorbell.
410
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:30,589
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES, SOUR NOTES PLAY]
411
00:16:30,591 --> 00:16:31,923
When you show up at a friend's house,
412
00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:34,393
make sure you bring a fancy gift.
413
00:16:34,395 --> 00:16:36,995
Here, give these blunt wraps to Big Ed.
414
00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,997
You're gonna love these dudes.
415
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,566
They're so funny.
416
00:16:41,869 --> 00:16:43,102
'Sup?
417
00:16:43,204 --> 00:16:45,737
'Sup?
418
00:16:45,739 --> 00:16:47,606
Whoa, no way.
419
00:16:47,608 --> 00:16:50,209
Your friends are real.
420
00:16:50,211 --> 00:16:53,678
Look at this.
There's an inside, and more guys!
421
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,947
This is my boy, Roger. He's chill.
422
00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:57,816
He's here to learn about friendship.
423
00:16:57,818 --> 00:16:59,418
- 'Sup?
- 'Sup?
424
00:16:59,420 --> 00:17:02,021
Whoa, Klaus' stories are for real?
425
00:17:02,023 --> 00:17:05,290
I can't believe it.
Astroturf rug... check.
426
00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:08,359
Unlicensed exotic animal storage...
check.
427
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,694
The fan that's never on
428
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:12,898
despite it being 120 degrees in here...
check.
429
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:15,767
But surely the torn poster
was a work of fiction.
430
00:17:15,769 --> 00:17:17,569
[GASPS] The torn poster!
431
00:17:17,571 --> 00:17:19,771
In all its glory.
432
00:17:19,773 --> 00:17:23,041
Please, please take me
to the toilet Big Ed cracked
433
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,710
when he sat on it backwards.
434
00:17:25,056 --> 00:17:26,845
What the hell are you doing out there?
435
00:17:26,847 --> 00:17:28,713
What? I was chill.
436
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,781
Was I not chill?
437
00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:31,516
No, you're being all crazy.
438
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,052
What was that bullshit about the fan?
439
00:17:33,054 --> 00:17:35,186
I told you that in confidence.
440
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,187
Okay, sorry.
441
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,856
[SIGHS] I'm chill now.
442
00:17:37,858 --> 00:17:40,391
- [SNAKE HISSING]
- Holy [BLEEP] is that the water moccasin
443
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,728
Vance took to the Orlando premier of
"Scary Movie 4"?!
444
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,196
Pull yourself together, man.
445
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:47,532
Grab a room-temperature
Otterpop from the lighter drawer
446
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:50,269
and just... cool out.
447
00:17:50,271 --> 00:17:52,871
I'll go try to smooth
it over with the guys.
448
00:17:54,350 --> 00:17:55,540
Roger, where are you going?
449
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:57,742
We haven't solved your Steve problem.
450
00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:00,279
I think I got my problem solved.
451
00:18:00,281 --> 00:18:02,414
[ENGINE STARTS]
452
00:18:02,416 --> 00:18:04,549
♪ Y'all gon' make me lose my mind ♪
453
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:05,751
♪ Up in here ♪
454
00:18:07,888 --> 00:18:09,821
My mom and dad are gonna kill us!
455
00:18:09,823 --> 00:18:11,690
FRANCINE:
These walls won't hold forever!
456
00:18:11,692 --> 00:18:12,691
[SLEDGEHAMMER SLAMMING]
457
00:18:12,693 --> 00:18:14,693
This is all my fault, babe.
458
00:18:14,695 --> 00:18:17,496
I never knew anything
about flipping houses.
459
00:18:17,498 --> 00:18:21,432
I just wanted to be closer to you.
460
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,634
Oh, babe.
461
00:18:22,636 --> 00:18:25,103
I love you for who you are.
462
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:28,307
OLD-TIMEY NARRATOR: And so ends
463
00:18:28,309 --> 00:18:32,577
the greatest love story ever told.
464
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,379
♪♪
465
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:36,848
♪ Y'all gon' make me act a fool ♪
466
00:18:36,850 --> 00:18:37,849
♪ Up in here, up in here ♪
467
00:18:37,851 --> 00:18:40,051
Roger, you returned to me!
468
00:18:40,053 --> 00:18:41,653
♪ Y'all gon' make me lose my cool ♪
469
00:18:41,655 --> 00:18:42,988
♪ Up in here, up in here ♪
470
00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:44,656
- Whose car is this?
- Buckle up.
471
00:18:44,658 --> 00:18:47,126
We're going to a Friendiversary event.
472
00:18:47,128 --> 00:18:49,060
Oh, those guys don't want to see me.
473
00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:50,461
Of course they want to see you.
474
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,331
- You're gonna save their lives.
- Huh?
475
00:18:52,333 --> 00:18:55,066
♪ 'Cause you a soft type... What ♪
476
00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:57,536
I figured out how to reunite
you with your friends.
477
00:18:57,538 --> 00:19:00,205
♪ Dog is a dog,
blood's thicker than water ♪
478
00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:03,008
I put a water moccasin
into the Chesterbrook pool,
479
00:19:03,010 --> 00:19:05,410
and then I invited your
friends to play Marco Polo
480
00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:07,346
with Olympic great Michael Phelps.
481
00:19:07,348 --> 00:19:09,881
People will believe anything
in a Facebook invite.
482
00:19:09,883 --> 00:19:11,150
Fake news!
483
00:19:11,152 --> 00:19:12,951
Oh, my God, why would you do that?!
484
00:19:12,953 --> 00:19:16,822
So you can save their lives
and prove your loyalty.
485
00:19:16,824 --> 00:19:18,757
[TIRES SCREECH]
486
00:19:18,759 --> 00:19:20,959
Go get your friends back.
487
00:19:20,961 --> 00:19:22,894
When Michael Phelps shows up,
488
00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:25,831
please don't tell him I'm
sitting on six pool noodles.
489
00:19:25,833 --> 00:19:27,566
[PANTING] Get out of the pool!
490
00:19:27,568 --> 00:19:29,234
There's a deadly snake!
491
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:30,569
Save it, Steve.
492
00:19:30,571 --> 00:19:31,837
I know I betrayed you,
493
00:19:31,839 --> 00:19:33,172
but you got to believe me!
494
00:19:33,174 --> 00:19:34,506
Save it.
495
00:19:34,508 --> 00:19:36,975
You don't need to pretend
to save our lives.
496
00:19:36,977 --> 00:19:39,310
We already forgive you, Steve.
497
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:40,912
What? Y-You do?
498
00:19:40,914 --> 00:19:42,113
We got to talking,
499
00:19:42,115 --> 00:19:44,383
and a giant rat grabbing us,
500
00:19:44,385 --> 00:19:46,018
we all would've blabbed.
501
00:19:46,051 --> 00:19:47,967
_
502
00:19:50,524 --> 00:19:53,258
I can't believe I got
my best friends back.
503
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:55,394
You were saying something about a snake?
504
00:19:55,396 --> 00:19:56,728
Oh, my God, the snake!
505
00:19:56,730 --> 00:19:58,797
ROGER: What's taking so long?
506
00:19:58,799 --> 00:20:01,466
[HISSES]
507
00:20:01,468 --> 00:20:03,134
Loud batch of Natty Ice.
508
00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:05,003
Oh, I dumped the wrong cooler.
509
00:20:05,890 --> 00:20:07,939
There's no snake in here.
510
00:20:07,941 --> 00:20:10,742
Roger must've lied to reunite us.
511
00:20:10,744 --> 00:20:12,644
BARRY: Guys, look! I'm swimming!
512
00:20:14,615 --> 00:20:17,616
It's a Friendiversary miracle!
513
00:20:18,085 --> 00:20:19,618
Snake!
514
00:20:19,620 --> 00:20:22,054
[SCREAMS]
515
00:20:24,025 --> 00:20:25,124
Man down!
516
00:20:26,827 --> 00:20:29,328
We need to find the bite
and suck out the venom!
517
00:20:31,069 --> 00:20:33,197
ALL: Ooh!
518
00:20:33,291 --> 00:20:34,633
Inner thigh.
519
00:20:34,635 --> 00:20:36,635
[SIGHS] I'll do it.
520
00:20:36,637 --> 00:20:38,770
No. We're best friends,
521
00:20:38,772 --> 00:20:42,441
and we'll all suck out the venom.
522
00:20:42,443 --> 00:20:47,312
♪♪
523
00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:50,315
ROGER:
I think I finally understand friendship.
524
00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:52,984
OLD-TIMEY NARRATOR: And so ends
525
00:20:52,986 --> 00:20:58,590
the greatest love story ever told.
526
00:20:58,592 --> 00:21:00,359
Have a great night!
527
00:21:02,484 --> 00:21:04,537
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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